Joe Pera Talks With You 3x3

Directed by

Deanna Reed-Foster as Principal Neiman

Joe Pera shows you the past, present, and future of second fridges in the Midwest.

Request examples:

!req Joe Pera Talks With You 3x3 [02:32]
!req Joe Pera Talks With You 3x3 [Joe Pera Talks With You 3x3]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Joe Pera Talks With You 3x3 [10-11]; !req Joe Pera Talks With You 3x3 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. As a lifelong refrigerator owner,

2. keeping food cold is something I sometimes take for granted.

3. However, if I were alive 100 years ago, in 1918,

4. I would say thanks for each time that my food didn't spoil.

5. To preserve food in the summer, ice had to be harvested

6. during the winter from frozen lakes and rivers.

7. Merchants would saw out giant slabs of ice,

8. package them in local sawdust,

9. and ship them to ice houses all over the place.

10. Nowadays, in 2018,

11. refrigerators are more popular than ever,

12. and 15% of American households even contain the second fridge.

13. Those second fridges are a giant waste of energy, like Las Vegas.

14. Many of us in the Midwest, including myself,

15. happen to be part of that 15%.

16. Sorry.

17. While the kitchen fridge contains your immediate

18. and basic needs, the second fridge is where

19. the fun stuff's kept —

20. meat you won in a raffle...

21. Tenderloins.

22. Alright, see you assholes later.

23. Love you guys.

24. a box of pizza.

25. you were too lazy to wrap up

26. after your brother's poker night.

27. A soda to drink while you study Italian.

28. But the MVP of any second fridge is... beer.

29. Aw, shoot.

30. Aw, shoot.

31. Uh... shoot.

32. I should have expected this.

33. A few of my neighbors have been victims of garage surfing —

34. a form of mischief where teens sneak into unlocked garages

35. and raid the second fridge for beer.

36. Or if they're desperate, hard cider.

37. It's a fact.

38. Teens can upset even the most controlled environment.

39. In this case, my second fridge.

40. I can keep it stocked and clean and set the 38 degrees.

41. But if people that age want to pilfer my pilsners...

42. I guess that in my years as a teacher,

43. I have learned that getting upset at them

44. for stuff like this is a huge waste of energy.

45. Again, like Las Vegas.

46. At the same time, they can occasionally put you

47. in a real tough spot, like yesterday when

48. Nicole Melsky disrupted my lesson on

49. the medieval Spanish carol "Riu Riu Chiu."

50. I get it.

51. Saying swears is popular.

52. But unless you tear a ligament in your foot,

53. unnecessary.

54. I didn't want to have to do this,

55. especially on a Friday, Nicole,

56. but you used profanity at me

57. in front of the other students.

58. I wanted to tell her, but couldn't,

59. that, like stand up comedians, teachers need to address

60. hecklers or else the illusion of control will be shattered.

61. Then again, is peace in the classroom as fragile as that?

62. The fear of punishment what holds things together?

63. Same as Nicole, I would have rather been anywhere else.

64. Principal Neiman, sorry to bother you.

65. Hey, Joe, come in.

66. I'm just buying some ink.

67. Nicole, back so soon?

68. Perhaps I should just start putting you on my

69. daily schedule.

70. Wait, what?

71. She was here yesterday.

72. I believe that makes the fourth time this month.

73. Now, what warrants this visit, Miss Melsky?

74. Mr. Pera?

75. First of all, I just want to say

76. that Nicole is normally a joy to have in class.

77. She tries real hard and is one of my most

78. dependable altos.

79. But today, I caught her passing around this party sized bag

80. of sour cream and onion chips.

81. Chips?

82. Go on.

83. When I asked her to put them away, she said,

84. "Okay, Mr. Pera-balls."

85. "Uh, it's just Mr. Pera," I said.

86. To which she responded,

87. "Teachers are...

88. bullshit."

89. The "B-S" word.

90. Might I remind you, young lady,

91. that you are a student at Little Deer Middle School

92. and not Chef Gordon Ramsay?

93. Please take a seat, Nicole.

94. Yes, Principal Neiman?

95. Denise, will you get the Melskys on the line for me?

96. I'm going to see if they'll come in around sixth period.

97. Sure thing. Oh, my God.

98. Mr. Pera, I'd like you to be here, too, if you can.

99. Just leave them at the desk.

100. We'll dispose of them properly.

101. Sending a student to the principal's office,

102. or the cooler, as some teachers and students have nicknamed it,

103. does not feel good.

104. And it feels worse when that student occasionally

105. looks after your dog.

106. Close the door, Sheldon.

107. My nips are getting hard.

108. Sorry.

109. I was just thinking about how crime

110. is statistically proven to decline in winter

111. and that maybe if we kept the school at 38 degrees,

112. the students would be too cold to misbehave.

113. What?

114. It was cold in that movie "Fargo",

115. but they still put the guy in the chipper.

116. Everything all right, Joe?

117. I just wish my neighbor's daughter

118. didn't swear at me in class because now they're going to

119. come in for a meeting.

120. Probably will have to leave work to do it.

121. And it's not going to be pretty.

122. My man. You got to lay down the law.

123. I sent home two so far this week.

124. Aiming to get a hat trick before the day's over.

125. Let's not use hockey terminology

126. in reference to the kids.

127. Well, if these goons want to face off against me,

128. I'm gonna sent their ass to the penalty box.

129. Go to the penalty box, you no good kids!

130. Thank goodness students can't see into

131. the teacher's lounge because it proved

132. what Nicole sensed is true,

133. that many adults should not be making/enforcing rules.

134. Yeah, it could use a good vacuuming.

135. In good circumstances, teachers do like to teach

136. and students like to learn.

137. It just gets hard when outside stuff

138. makes its way into school.

139. Principal Neiman?

140. Nicole!

141. Mr. and Mrs. Melsky, thank you so much for coming in.

142. I am so sorry, Principal.

143. This one has had a real piss poor attitude

144. lately, hasn't she?

145. Gee, I wonder where she gets it from.

146. I'll tell you where she gets it from,

147. is that Odd Future you've been listening to.

148. Well, guess what, sweetheart?

149. No more Spotify premium until you start acting

150. like a good kid.

151. Mr. Melsky, I understand that you are upset.

152. God damn right I'm upset!

153. I'm about to break your computer with my head.

154. Great. Then I'll have to drive you to the hospital.

155. Already have to drive you everywhere.

156. Four times, Nicole! I just — You know what?

157. I'm going to need the full story here.

158. Joe.It's all fine.

159. Mr. Pera...

160. I asked the students to take out their sheet music for

161. "Riu Riu Chiu." What?

162. It's a villancico from the 16th century.

163. What? Cut to the chase, Joe.

164. Nicole was eating chips in class.

165. I asked her to stop. She called me Mr. "Pera-balls."

166. And then said teachers are bullshit.

167. What?

168. Hey, hey, we do not condone any of that kind of

169. language in the Melsky sphere,

170. and we will be doing repercussions.

171. So, you know, maybe we start drug testing

172. or do military school.

173. Mr. Melsky...

174. As your friend and neighbor

175. who has also baby-sat for you,

176. I'm familiar with the layout of your house

177. and know that Nicole shares a bedroom

178. with her younger sister, Kelsey.

179. Perhaps you could consider turning the basement

180. into a bedroom for her so she'd have some space in her own.

181. Get out. Mike.

182. We got it from here, Joe. Thank you.

183. Who's gonna pay for that?

184. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I need — I'm gonna chill out, alright?

185. Yeah, I'm sorry, too.

186. I wish there was something I could tell Nicole,

187. but unless you're an adult who gets it, like say,

188. Billie Joe Armstrong, it will fall on deaf teen ears.

189. Dude, you would not believe what happened last night.

190. Checking my security cam footage.

191. Uh, just wait a second.

192. Okay.

193. They got me, too.

194. Just beer though, right?

195. At least they didn't get our power tools.

196. I hope they put those pigs in Guantanamo Bay.

197. Kids that age will test even the best of us.

198. But they also learn from how we respond.

199. So maybe we cut 'em some slack.

200. As long as he didn't drink them and then drive a car.

201. You better hope that those punks didn't rat you out to the FBI

202. because you're Jeffrey Dahmer looking ass looks like

203. you got a fridge full of fingers and feet.

204. That's not true.

205. Anyway, I'm sorry about my kid.

206. Turns out we are going to move her

207. into the basement after all.

208. Hey, Kelsey or Nicole!

209. Got something you want to say to the music man?

210. Sorry.

211. It's chill.

212. I don't have any sour cream and onion chips to offer you.

213. But, uh...

214. would you like a tall boy of tomato juice?

215. Uh, I'm fine.

216. Yeah.

217. Tomato juice is bullshit.

218. That wasn't the best joke,

219. but I was attempting to let Nicole know

220. that even though I am bound to the rules set forth

221. by the school as a teacher, outside, on my own,

222. I am able to choose lenience,

223. which makes me think, maybe installing a lock

224. is not the right move.

225. Perhaps I should instead attach a document to my fridge

226. detailing alcohol's effects on brain development.

227. That way, the teen —