Joe Pera Talks With You 1x3

Directed by Marty Schousboe

In which Joe Pera takes viewers along on his "Fall Loop," the drive he does every year on the Saturday following Halloween.

Request examples:

!req Joe Pera Talks With You 1x3 [02:32]
!req Joe Pera Talks With You 1x3 [Joe Pera Talks With You 1x3]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Joe Pera Talks With You 1x3 [10-11]; !req Joe Pera Talks With You 1x3 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Luxury...

2. refinement...

3. power —

4. these are three words I would use to describe

5. the 2001 Buick Park Avenue.

6. Combining engineering excellence

7. and a classic interpretation of style,

8. the Park Avenue is truly one of America's

9. most beautiful automobiles.

10. Hello. My name is Joe Pera,

11. and I do appreciate how fortunate I am

12. to be driving a car like this,

13. equipped with the 3800-series V6 engine.

14. Probably something fancier than I would have bought for myself,

15. but it was left to me by my grandfather.

16. Sometimes my co-workers will tease me about it, saying,

17. "Which widow are you taking for prime-rib dinner

18. this Friday night?"

19. And due to its size and color,

20. my students call it "God's car."

21. At the end of the day, though, it's just a really nice car

22. that doesn't make people feel bad about how nice it is.

23. And it's got OnStar.

24. I'm glad you could join me on my fall loop,

25. the drive I do each year on the Saturday following Halloween.

26. It's a tradition that began

27. when I was trying to answer the question,

28. "How come jack-o'-lanterns scare me so goddamn much?"

29. I'm sorry to swear.

30. It's just that, for the longest time,

31. I couldn't figure out why they unnerved me,

32. even though I'm bigger and more powerful than them,

33. and I own a credit card.

34. I brought it up when me, Gene, and Lulu

35. were helping Nana pass out candy on Halloween 2013.

36. Maybe it's the teeth.

37. Maybe you're so upset

38. because they're not being used for —

39. for livestock feed.

40. Yeah.

41. But I think it's bigger than that.

42. The reason is because, when you carve a pumpkin,

43. you give it a piece of your soul.

44. Really?

45. It's true.

46. One-sixteenth, to be exact.

47. It's the same as how your grandmother

48. puts a bit of herself into her cookies.

49. Mm-hmm.

50. You know, to what I consider her best album,

51. Diana Ross even gave her first name.

52. Which one was that?

53. "Diana."

54. Oh. Ohhhh.

55. You can sense it

56. when you complete the jack-o'-lantern's eyes.

57. That chill

58. is because through those pumpkin's eyes,

59. youare looking back at you.

60. That must be why I feel more comfortable

61. carving the pumpkin's eyes last.

62. Go show it to your grandmothers.

63. Who are you there?

64. John Voelker,

65. Marquette County prosecutor

66. and author of "Anatomy of a Murder."

67. Of course.

68. What movie are we, honey?

69. - "The Matrix." - "The Matrix."

70. - Thank you. - You're welcome.

71. - Thank you. - Buh-bye.

72. I think I've carved more than 16 pumpkins, Gene.

73. Does this mean I don't have a soul anymore?

74. No, no, Joe.

75. It's possible to regrow your soul.

76. Oh. How?

77. By taking the Carnival Cruise.

78. Gene.

79. Or if you're a teenager,

80. you could watch a music video.

81. How about taking a fall drive?

82. That'll work.

83. Wonderful as it is to give a pumpkin life,

84. you also give it death.

85. An uncarved pumpkin can last three months,

86. but a jack-o'-lantern rots in 5 to 10 days.

87. Imagine from the perspective of my pumpkin.

88. Right now, in the rear-view mirror,

89. it's looking into the eyes of its creator,

90. and I can't help but feel that it's asking, "Why?"

91. What do I tell it?

92. Tradition? Decoration?

93. That's not enough.

94. I mean, if your creator told you that the reason you exist

95. is because they were a choir teacher

96. doing a seasonal activity, how would you feel?

97. Personally, pretty good.

98. Probably the biggest thing that changed about me

99. in the past 10 years

100. is that I now allow myself to eat in the car.

101. Sometimes it's necessary.

102. Hey, Joe. You want to have lunch with me?

103. Oh. Really, Jon?

104. Yeah, I want to tell you and the other teachers

105. how I got laid last night.

106. It was by this giant MILF.

107. Whoooo!

108. Johnny! Johnny!

109. Something about the teachers' lounge

110. turns people into animals.

111. Inside my Park Avenue, things are much more civilized.

112. And if I get the urge, I can go to Dairy Queen.

113. Excuse me, sir?

114. Do you have a legitimate reason

115. to be in the school parking lot?

116. I-I-I'm Mr. Pera, the — the choir teacher,

117. just eating my lunch.

118. Oh. I-I'm the new band teacher.

119. I thought you were some kind of weirdo.

120. No. I-I'm a normal guy.

121. Okay. I'll leave you alone now.

122. Perfect.

123. While beautiful and relaxing,

124. my fall loop has a somber objective.

125. If I've really given this pumpkin a piece of my soul,

126. it ought to be laid to rest

127. the same way that I hope to be someday.

128. There are an estimated 300 waterfalls in the U.P.

129. Some, we'll admit, are just rapids,

130. but nearly 200 of them are big enough to have name.

131. In my lifetime, I've been to 41.

132. So with approximately 259 waterfalls left to see,

133. I'll just have to visit 4.6 waterfalls a year

134. if I'm going to see the rest before I die at age 85...

135. probably of a poison kiss.

136. Doesn't that water look like root beer?

137. I wish it were, too.

138. Unfortunately, it's just colored by tannic acid

139. leached from cedar swamps upstream.

140. Our fall loop wouldn't be complete without a warm apple.

141. What's a warm apple?

142. Well, you take a fresh-sliced apple

143. and wrap it in tin foil

144. with butter, cinnamon, and brown sugar,

145. and put it on the fire until it's warm — not hot.

146. I can time it to exactly 105 degrees

147. by singing a song I wrote called "Warm Apple Night"...

148. which goes...

149. And just like that,

150. I-I can feel my soul grow back.