Joe Pera Talks With You 1x2

Directed by Marty Schousboe

In which Joe Pera takes viewers for Saturday morning breakfast at his favorite family restaurant.

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1. Pancakes.

2. Eggs.

3. Bacon.

4. Melon.

5. Muffin.

6. Coffee.

7. Waffles.

8. Syrup.

9. Sausage.

10. Rye toast.

11. Donut.

12. Nanners on cereal.

13. I could fill three programs

14. listing stuff you can eat in the morning,

15. so perhaps I'll just say hello.

16. My name is Joe Pera,

17. and I think breakfast rocks, dude.

18. I'm sorry.

19. I guess I'm just excited and overwhelmed

20. by the possibilities of Saturday morning breakfast.

21. What am I going to have?

22. I do think I figured it out earlier,

23. but I can't say just yet.

24. Morning, Apollo.

25. Hello, Joey. What are you thinking today?

26. Two eggs and a toast?

27. I can't say just yet.

28. Okay, guy.

29. Despite the many options,

30. a lot of people will still go with the classic

31. two-two-two breakfast special.

32. That's two eggs, any style...

33. two bacons or sausage...

34. and two pancakes.

35. Looks good enough to eat.

36. I wonder who ordered.

37. - Was it the special? - It is.

38. - Ah.

39. All right. Anything else I can get for you?

40. No, I'm good. Thank you.

41. Enjoy.

42. Hi, Gene.

43. Hey, Joe.

44. Let me guess, seems like you're in

45. a biscuit and gravy mood.

46. I appreciate that, but gravy makes me sleepy,

47. and I have to go to the bank this afternoon.

48. Hi, guys.

49. - Hi, Joe. - Hey, Joe. - Hey, Joe.

50. I know you just got your food,

51. but I was wondering if you could share

52. a bit about your breakfast crew, Gene.

53. Well, a breakfast crew is a group

54. of living individuals who meet regularly for breakfast

55. at the same spot at the same time.

56. We do Saturdays at 9:00.

57. We even have a name — the Over-Easies.

58. That's great.

59. What do your wives do?

60. They have their own breakfast crew.

61. They're called the Pink Grapefruits.

62. They're right over there.

63. Oh. Hi, Lulu.

64. Hey, Joe. Please don't come over here.

65. Okay.

66. I'd invite you to join us, Joe,

67. but as you know, each breakfast crew

68. has a delicate balance.

69. Each individual brings something unique to the table,

70. and that makes for a great conversation.

71. I understand.

72. Let me introduce you around to the boys.

73. There's Jack, our political junkie.

74. Joe, did you know that 93 percent of Americans

75. don't approve of murder?

76. Then there's Jeff, our sports guy.

77. I missed my son's graduation

78. to watch the U.S. Open on TV.

79. Timrick, he's our Joe Pesci-type ball buster.

80. So Joe, how old are you?

81. Your face tells me you're 10,

82. but your bald spot tells me you're 63, so what is it?

83. And to round out the crew, there's Allen,

84. a mild-mannered guy who keeps the conversation on track.

85. I did data entry for 45 years.

86. Now I'm retired, my hobby is sitting down.

87. Now, that's a crew, Gene.

88. Yes, sir.

89. Um, I gotta ask.

90. What do you bring to the table?

91. Sex appeal.

92. Oh.

93. So Joe, what are you ordering for breakfast?

94. Uh, I can't say just yet.

95. Well, can you at least tell us

96. what it was like growing up in an Amish community?

97. I actually liked that one.

98. Enjoy your breakfast, guys.

99. He can sting with more poison when he wants to,

100. but Timrick's just doing his job.

101. And so is this cake case.

102. Someone once told me that spinning cake cases

103. sell up to 40 percent more dessert.

104. I believe it.

105. Lemon meringue.

106. Smallish cheesecake.

107. I don't know what this yellow one is,

108. but as an adult,

109. I can eat sweets for breakfast.

110. But also as an adult, I need to make good choices.

111. I know what I set out to eat this morning,

112. and shouldn't second guess.

113. But seeing everyone else so happy with what they ordered

114. makes me, uh...

115. Uh... um...

116. I'm sorry.

117. I wanted to use this time to answer a question for you.

118. What's the difference between

119. a family restaurant and a diner?

120. It seemed so simple at first,

121. but the more I thought about it, the more blurred it became.

122. I can't get started now

123. when there's just a lot more gray area these days.

124. Ah.

125. There's my student, Drew.

126. Hello, Drew.

127. Hi, Mr. Pera.

128. I heard Mr. Delgado forgot his lesson plan on Friday,

129. so he just shared about his honeymoon in Aruba.

130. I would've rather learned math.

131. Ha. Me, too.

132. Hey, Joe. Is Drew bothering you?

133. It's probably the other way around.

134. How's he doing in class?

135. Real good.

136. He very nearly won this week.

137. Won what?

138. All right, guys.

139. We're more than on track for the Fall concert,

140. and this is real hard, 'cause you're all doing so good.

141. Especially Peter F., Lucy G., and Drew B.

142. But because she went above and beyond,

143. this week's green apple giveaway goes to Lauren N.

144. Congratulations, Lauren, and enjoy your green apple.

145. Maybe another week, Drew.

146. If you take a seat, I'll be by

147. to take your order in just a few minutes.

148. Um, eggs benedict?

149. Too opulent for any day but Easter.

150. Sounds good, though.

151. Joe!

152. Oh, it's the Melskys.

153. I'll see you Monday, Drew.

154. Joe, we've got an extra seat at the table

155. if you want to join us.

156. I'd love to.

157. How's the new house?

158. Good. We're nearly settled in.

159. Great.

160. I'm across the street if you need anything.

161. God damn it!

162. Mike, not in public.

163. Sorry. I broke the egg yolk.

164. I almost had it.

165. Had what?

166. The perfect egg bite.

167. Enough with the perfect egg bite.

168. What's the perfect egg bite?

169. It's everything on your breakfast plate

170. in one perfect bite.

171. That sounds great. How do you do that?

172. Well, I could take you through it if you wanna see it.

173. All right, well, first, you start

174. with a piece of rye toast.

175. It's gotta be nice and dense so it can handle all the weight.

176. So, you take the toast, and you put some butter on it.

177. Now, you gotta make sure

178. that you don't put too much butter on

179. because it's gotta melt into the toast.

180. Next thing after that is half a container of purple jelly.

181. Okay. You mean grape?

182. Yeah, I guess it's grape.

183. Put that on there really nice,

184. and then here's the Melsky secret.

185. Hash browns.

186. It both keeps it separate, yet somehow unifies it

187. into one cohesive structure.

188. After the hash browns, it's time for the ketchup.

189. I put it on in a "W" for...

190. "Wazzup?"Wazzup?

191. That's right.

192. And it's also the most efficient way

193. to distribute the ketchup so each bite

194. has a little bit of it in it.

195. Now, this is the perfect combination of flavors,

196. but it's incomplete.

197. It's time for the crown jewel —

198. the over-easy, sunny side up egg.

199. You put the over-easy egg on it

200. so that the yolk is facing the corner.

201. Now, the trick of getting the perfect egg bite

202. is getting all the flavors and the unbroken yolk

203. into your mouth

204. 'cause if it's broken, it's ruined.

205. And if we've done our work properly,

206. we're gonna have a pretty good egg bite.

207. I love you, babe.

208. Here we go.

209. God damn it!

210. Aah!

211. Calm down!

212. No. Don't laugh. This isn't funny, okay?

213. It is serious to him. He is trying.

214. I need a win.

215. Things aren't going well for me.

216. Don't do this.

217. You guys wanna go wash the car after this?

218. No!

219. This shouldn't be hard.

220. It's not rockets.

221. It's breakfast.

222. And I just gotta ask myself a couple questions —

223. how hungry am I,

224. and do I like this?

225. Do you know what you're gonna have?

226. Pancakes.

227. Eggs?

228. Two sunny side up, please.

229. Sausage or bacon?

230. Sausage.

231. Links or patties?

232. Uh, patties.

233. Rye, white, or wheat?

234. Rye.

235. To drink?

236. A warm can of Sprite.

237. Thanks.You're welcome.