Jackass 3x2

Directed by

Phil Margera as Self • Jess Margera as Self • Loomis Fall as Self • Nigel Hudson as Self • Dimitry Elyashkevich as Self

1. Bounty Hunter - 2. Dutch BMX - 3. Taxi 1 - 4. Snow Surfing - 5. Crawfishing Diapers - 6. Taxi 2 - 7. Full Pipe Skating - 8. Bloodbath - 9. Ultimate Fighting - 10. Phil Wake Up 2 - 11. Spermathon

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. THIS HERE IS THE BOUNTY

2. HUNTER SKIT.

3. HE'S THE BOUNTY, AND I'M THE

4. HUNTER.

5. HEY, CAN YOU KEEP AN EYE ON HIM

6. FOR A SECOND IF I'M INSIDE HERE?

7. JUST RELAX.

8. JUST RELAX FOR A MINUTE.

9. KEEP AN EYE ON HIM JUST FOR A

10. MINUTE.

11. MINUTE. JUST FOR A MINUTE.

12. JUST FOR A MINUTE.

13. COME ON, MAN, DON'T JUST

14. STAND THERE.

15. COME ON.

16. HEY, HEY, HEY, GIVE ME A HAND.

17. CAN YOU—

18. ONE OF YOU GUYS GIVE ME A

19. HAND WITH THIS CLOWN, HUH?

20. GROW UP!

21. YOU GOT SOME I.D. ON YOU?

22. EVERYTHING'S TOTALLY IN THE

23. VAN, YEAH.

24. TOTALLY IN THE VAN.

25. YOU JUST CAN'T CUFF A MAN LIKE

26. THIS.

27. BUDDY, YOU'RE DISTURBING THE

28. PEACE.

29. I'M SORRY.

30. HE'S A FRIEND OF MINE, ACTUALLY.

31. YOU KNOW, FRANKLY, I DON'T

32. BELIEVE YOU GUYS.

33. YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE A COUPLE OF

34. LUNATICS OR SOMETHING.

35. YEAH.

36. HERE HE COMES.

37. HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

38. YOU WITH THESE GUYS?

39. UH—YEAH.

40. WE'RE DOING A THING FOR MTV.

41. MTV?

42. WHAT—YOU GOT A PERMIT?

43. I DON'T HAVE A PERMIT.

44. YOU DON'T HAVE A PERMIT.

45. YOU GOT I.D.?

46. I DON'T HAVE I.D. ON ME.

47. I CAN GO TO THE CAR AND GET I.D.

48. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS.

49. YOU KNOW, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

50. YOU COME HERE.

51. YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

52. WHERE YOU GUYS FROM ANYWAYS?

53. FROM LOS ANGELES.

54. YEAH, WELL, YOU BETTER GO

55. BACK TO LOS ANGELES.

56. FOR NOW YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO

57. GO DOWN TO THE STATION HOUSE

58. WITH ME, OK?

59. OK.

60. CAN I FIND OUT WHERE THESE

61. GUYS ARE GOING?

62. THEY'RE GOING DOWNTOWN.

63. GET IN THE CAR.

64. GET IN THE CAR.

65. FELLAS, WE'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS

66. FOR YOU.

67. YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR

68. IMPERSONATING AN OFFICER.

69. THAT'S A FELONY.

70. AND YOU FOR DISTURBING THE

71. PEACE, AND I THINK THERE'S A

72. POSSIBLE WARRANT ON YOU.

73. FELONY.

74. A FELONY?

75. THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE ME TO

76. JAIL.

77. WOW.

78. IT DOESN'T HAPPEN LIKE THIS ON

79. "COPS", HUH?

80. NO.

81. OH, AND BY THE WAY, I'M

82. JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.

83. WELCOME TO "JACKASS."

84. SHUT UP!

85. YOU SON OF A BITCH!

86. MOTHER.

87. DAMN YOU!

88. MOTHER, YOU GAVE ME A

89. HEART ATTACK.

90. DAMN, YOU.

91. THAT WAS SO GOOD.

92. OH, MY GOD.

93. OH, MY GOD.

94. TURN IT AROUND

95. WOMEN HAVE BEEN HUNTED

96. NOW WE'RE HUNTING AROUND

97. MANHUNT

98. WE ALL GOT OUR NEEDS

99. THE ONE THAT'S BEEN WAITING

100. HAS TAKEN

101. HAS TAKEN

102. IN THE OFFICE

103. HE'S SEXY AND HE'S SMOOTH

104. HE'S QUICK TO LOOK ME OVER

105. BUT SLOW TO MAKE HIS MOVE

106. I'VE BEEN SITTING AT HOME

107. BY THE TELEPHONE

108. HOPING THAT I'M IN HIS PLANS

109. THIS WAITING GAME IS GETTING OLD

110. IT'S TIME TO TAKE MATTERS INTO

111. MY HANDS

112. I'M GOIN' ON A MANHUNT

113. TURN IT AROUND

114. WOMEN HAVE BEEN HUNTED

115. NOW WE'RE HUNTING AROUND

116. YEAH, MANHUNT

117. WE ALL GOT THE NEED

118. THE ONE THAT'S BEEN WAITING

119. HAS TAKEN

120. THE LEAD

121. HOW YOU DOING?

122. HOW YOU DOING? YOU GO TO THE AIRPORT?

123. YOU GO TO THE AIRPORT?

124. SON OF A BITCH!

125. SON OF A BITCH!

126. TODAY I'M GOING TO DO A

127. TODAY I'M GOING TO DO A LITTLE SNOW SURFING.

128. LITTLE SNOW SURFING.

129. YAHOO!

130. UGH!

131. UGH! AHH!

132. AHH!

133. AHH! OH!

134. OH!

135. OH! !

136. !

137. ! OH, YEAH!

138. OH, YEAH!

139. OH, YEAH! YEAH!

140. YEAH!

141. YEAH!

142. YEAH! WHOO!

143. WHOO!

144. HI, I'M STEVE-O.

145. I'M SOMEWHERE IN LOUISIANA RIGHT

146. NOW.

147. I'M ABOUT TO GET MY ASS KICKED

148. BY CRAWFISH.

149. HOW BAD DO THESE HURT IF THEY

150. GET A GOOD PINCH ON YOU?

151. WELL, DEPENDS ON IF YOU GET

152. ONE LIKE THAT ONE.

153. SEE HOW ITS CLAWS ARE LIKE THAT?

154. WHOA, DUDE, YEAH.

155. WE DIDN'T FEED THEM FOR 3

156. DAYS, SO THEY'LL BE HUNGRY.

157. WELL, IT'S GOING TO FEEL KIND

158. OF FUNNY GOING DOWN YOUR PANTS.

159. HOW COULD IT GET WORSE, DUDE?

160. THIS IS ABOUT—PROBABLY GONNA BE

161. THE EQUIVALENT OF DOING A PETE

162. ROSE SLIDE THROUGH FRICKING

163. THORN BUSHES.

164. YEAH, THAT'S ABOUT WHAT THEY

165. DO.

166. THEY REALLY DON'T LET GO.

167. THAT THING'S GOING TO KILL

168. YOU.

169. THIS IS THE CRAWFISH DIAPER.

170. SOME IN THE FRONT.

171. SOME IN THE FRONT.

172. ARE THEY BITING?

173. AAH!

174. AAH! OOH!

175. OOH!

176. AHH!

177. WHERE'S HE BITING?

178. HE CLAMPED UP IN MY

179. FRONT CHEEK, DUDE.

180. OH, AHH!

181. AHH!

182. OK.

183. I THINK I'M DONE, DUDE.

184. OH, AAH!

185. OH, THEY ALMOST BIT YOU ON

186. YOUR NAME, DUDE.

187. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

188. I THINK THAT SUCKED.

189. YOU'VE BEEN CHECKED ON THE

190. OPEN ICE BEFORE?

191. I'VE BEEN CHECKED ON THE OPEN

192. ICE BEFORE.

193. I'VE BEEN ON THE ICE TWICE IN

194. MY LIFE, BOTH WITH VERY POOR

195. RESULTS.

196. I DON'T WANT TO HIT MY RIGHT

197. FOOT.

198. WHO'S GOING TO HIT ME FIRST?

199. I THINK OUR GOOD FRIEND HERE

200. HAS GOT FRUSTRATION HE NEEDS TO

201. TAKE OUT.

202. ALL RIGHT.

203. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, UM, HERE WE GO.

204. ALL RIGHT, UM, HERE WE GO.

205. THERE YOU GO.

206. OK.

207. THERE'S ONLY A COUPLE MORE.

208. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

209. THAT'S ALL RIGHT. OOF!

210. OOF!

211. NOW YOU'RE A HOCKEY PLAYER.

212. NOW YOU'RE READY.

213. I'M NOT REALLY THE ARTFUL

214. DODGER, AM I?

215. CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!

216. OOF!

217. ONLY GIRLS STAY DOWN.

218. YOU'VE BEEN CHECKED ON THE

219. OPEN ICE BEFORE?

220. I'VE BEEN CHECKED ON THE OPEN

221. ICE BEFORE.

222. OH!

223. OH!

224. I'M ABOUT TO PUKE.

225. REALLY?

226. REALLY? YEAH.

227. YEAH.

228. THIS IS THE LAST ONE, SO LET'S

229. THIS IS THE LAST ONE, SO LET'S MAKE IT COUNT.

230. MAKE IT COUNT.

231. MAKE IT COUNT. USE THE FORCE TO GET UP.

232. USE THE FORCE TO GET UP.

233. GOING TO THE AIRPORT?

234. L-A-X?

235. YEAH.

236. CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY OTHER

237. BAG?

238. BAG? MY BACK IS BAD.

239. MY BACK IS BAD.

240. MY BACK IS BAD.

241. I'M DAVE, AND THIS IS

242. I'M DAVE, AND THIS IS FULL-PIPE SKATING.

243. FULL-PIPE SKATING.

244. GRR!

245. GRR!

246. GRR!

247. I ALMOST HAD THAT ONE.

248. I ALMOST HAD THAT ONE.

249. I ALMOST HAD IT.

250. I ALMOST HAD IT.

251. READY... SET, GO.

252. JOHNNY KNOXVILLE CHALLENGED

253. ME TO A BOXING MATCH.

254. AND RYAN, HE'S CHALLENGED ME.

255. I DON'T WANT HIM TO HIT YOU

256. IN THE HEAD.

257. I DON'T WANT HIM TO HIT ME IN

258. THE HEAD EITHER.

259. I HOPE HE BROUGHT HIS PILLOW

260. BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO SLEEP.

261. RYAN'S GOING TO GET REALLY

262. HURT.

263. OK.

264. I DON'T WANT YOU TO BOX HIM.

265. DON'T STAY UP CLOSE TO HIM.

266. JUST KIND OF HIT HIM AND MOVE

267. AWAY.

268. HIT HIM.

269. JUST KEEP ON MOVING AROUND.

270. POINTERS AREN'T GOING TO HELP

271. BECAUSE HE'S JUST GOING TO GET

272. BECAUSE HE'S JUST GOING TO GET ROCKED IN THE FIRST ROUND.

273. ROCKED IN THE FIRST ROUND.

274. OW!

275. OW!

276. KEEP YOUR HANDS UP.

277. BUT WHEN HE COMES AT YOU

278. PUNCHING, YOUR OBJECT IS TO TAKE

279. HIM DOWN BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A

280. STRIKER, CORRECT?

281. STRIKER, CORRECT? RIGHT.

282. RIGHT.

283. RYAN'S GOING TO GET ABOUT

284. ZERO PUNCHES IN.

285. THERE YOU GO.

286. THERE YOU GO.

287. THERE YOU GO.

288. BAM BAM'"A",

289. DISLOCATED SHOULDER, "B", BROKEN

290. ARM, "C", COMPLETELY KNOCKED OUT

291. COLD, AND "H"...

292. I'M RYAN DUNN.

293. I'M ABOUT TO DO SOME ULTIMATE

294. FIGHTING.

295. GO.

296. LITTLE HIGH.

297. GET IN THERE.

298. GO.

299. DON'T LET HIM HIT YOU.

300. DON'T LET HIM HIT YOU, RYAN.

301. GET HIM.

302. GET HIM.

303. GET HIM.

304. DON'T STOP.

305. HE'S DOWN.

306. NO—BACK UP.

307. STAY THERE, STAY THERE.

308. YOU GOOD?

309. OH, I'M DONE.

310. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

311. GOOD?

312. OH,

313. OH, MY GOD, MY HEAD.

314. CAN YOU STILL DO IT?

315. CAN YOU STILL DO IT?

316. DUDE, HE HIT ME REALLY HARD.

317. YOU WEREN'T THINKING RALPH

318. MACCHIO, THAT'S WHY.

319. I WON'T HAVE A REGULAR HEAD

320. ANYMORE.

321. REMEMBER HOW I USED TO TAKE HITS

322. TO THE HEAD?

323. YEAH.

324. THOSE DAYS ARE WELL AND GONE,

325. MY FRIEND.

326. SO KNOXVILLE, I'M ON THE

327. PHONE.

328. I'M GOING TO GET PUNCHED IN THE

329. STOMACH RIGHT NOW.

330. OK, JUST DO IT.

331. DO IT.

332. UGH!

333. UGH!

334. KNOXVILLE, IT HURT.

335. OOH.

336. LET HIM HIT YOU IN THE

337. STOMACH.

338. DUDE, THAT.

339. HE'S AN EXPERT AT THIS.

340. DUDE, JUST DON'T BE A

341. LITTLE BITCH ABOUT IT.

342. JUST RELAX.

343. JUST THE WIND KNOCKED OUT OF

344. YOU.

345. OOH!

346. OOH!

347. DUDE, HE HIT ME HARD.

348. GO BACK.

349. LOOK AT THE KNUCKLES.

350. YOU CAN SEE THE KNUCKLES.

351. OH, DUDE.

352. TODAY WE'RE GOING TO A SPERM

353. BANK FOR THE FIRST-EVER

354. "JACKASS" SPERMATHON.

355. HEH HEH HEH.

356. HEH HEH HEH. WHY DOES HE SLEEP SIDEWAYS?

357. WHY DOES HE SLEEP SIDEWAYS?

358. AAH!

359. OH, MY GOD.

360. OH, MY GOD.

361. I HEARD YOU TALKING.

362. THAT WAS SO COOL!

363. NOW WHAT?

364. NOW WHAT?

365. CHESTER RUMBLE FLASHBACK.

366. TODAY WE'RE GOING TO A SPERM

367. BANK FOR THE FIRST-EVER

368. "JACKASS" SPERMATHON.

369. THE EVENTS WHICH THE CONTESTANTS

370. WILL BE JUDGED WILL BE SPERM

371. COUNT, POTENCY OF THE SPERM,

372. VOLUME, AND SPEED.

373. LET THE GAMES...

374. BEGIN.

375. STEPHANIE WILL BE OUR NURSE

376. TODAY.

377. SHE WILL BE TRANSPORTING THE

378. SAMPLES FROM THE CONTESTANT TO

379. ANOTHER NURSE.

380. NOW WE'RE GOING TO DRAW THE

381. NAMES TO SEE WHO GOES FIRST.

382. ALL RIGHT, FIRST,

383. PRESTON.

384. I HAVE THE POLE POSITION,

385. WHICH PROBABLY IS AN ADVANTAGE

386. IN THIS SITUATION.

387. I HAVE TO SET THE PACE TIME.

388. THAT MIGHT BE HARD.

389. I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.

390. MY DAD WAS A MARINE CORPS

391. CHAMPION AT PARIS ISLAND.

392. SINCE ONE OF THE EVENTS TODAY

393. WILL BE A SPEED ROUND, WHO CAN

394. DELIVER THE FASTEST, LOOMIS WILL

395. HAVE A STOPWATCH, AND HE'LL

396. TIME THE ENTRANTS FROM THE POINT

397. THEY WALK IN THE DOOR TO THE

398. POINT THEY WALK OUT OF THE DOOR.

399. THIS IS YOURS.

400. WE'LL SEE YOU IN A FEW MINUTES.

401. I JUST NEED TO FRISK YOU

402. FIRST.

403. WHAT'S THAT?

404. THAT'S LITTLE P.

405. ALL RIGHT.

406. YOU'RE CLEAN.

407. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PUT IT

408. THROUGH THERE, FOOL.

409. TIME?

410. 50.

411. I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS BECAUSE

412. I'M WITH A BUNCH OF DUDES, AND,

413. FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK I CAN DO

414. IT AROUND THESE GUYS.

415. SEE YOU LATER.

416. DID YOU WALK IN THERE ERECT

417. ALREADY?

418. NO.

419. IT WAS KIND OF HARD.

420. THAT WAS MORE MINUTES GETTING

421. IT...

422. UP.

423. UP THAN GETTING IT OUT.

424. WE'RE AT 111/2 MINUTES.

425. I THINK WE'RE BOUND TO BE

426. HERE ALL DAY.

427. COME ON, KOSICK.

428. COME ON!

429. WHERE IS IT?

430. WHEW.

431. TIME?

432. 29.

433. I WONDER IF THAT'S A BAD

434. THING OR A GOOD THING IN THE

435. LONG RUN.

436. GOOD LUCK.

437. BREAK A LEG.

438. I WONDER IF THEY CAN, LIKE,

439. SMELL EACH OTHER WHEN THEY GO

440. IN THERE.

441. IN THERE.

442. DOESN'T REALLY LOOK LIKE THAT

443. MUCH, HUH?

444. I COULDN'T GET IT UP.

445. I'M TIRED.

446. JOHNNY PISCES KNOXVILLE.

447. BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU GUYS, I

448. GOT A SECRET WEAPON FOR

449. SPEED...

450. "AMERICAN GRIZZLY."

451. THANK YOU.

452. PUT IT IN THE DRAWER WHEN

453. YOU'RE DONE.

454. READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, TOO.

455. READ THE INSTRUCTIONS OVER

456. THE SINK.

457. PAGING DR. STATEMAN.

458. DR. STATEMAN, PLEASE.

459. DR. STATEMAN, PLEASE.

460. LOOK AT YOU, GROSS.

461. I FEEL KIND OF WEIRD BEING IN

462. THE SAME—HA HA HA!

463. PAGING DR. BENDER.

464. I'VE GOT TO COME TO

465. TERMS WITH MY SEXUALITY.

466. I'VE GOT TO KNOW WHAT I'M ALL

467. ABOUT.

468. IT'S GOT HAIR IN IT.

469. HOW LONG WAS THAT?

470. 09.

471. YAY—OH, I'M IN SECOND.

472. ALL RIGHT, WEE MAN.

473. YOU READY?

474. YEP.

475. FOLLOW NURSE STEPHANIE.

476. HERE I GO.

477. HAVE A GOOD TIME.

478. AND AGAIN.

479. I WAS NOT EVEN HALF COCKED.

480. OH, YEAH.

481. IT WAS LIKE WET SPAGHETTI.

482. YEAH, IT WAS TERRIBLE.

483. LIKE, WHAT THE—

484. BECAUSE I COULD HEAR WEE MAN

485. GIGGLING OUTSIDE, AND THAT

486. WASN'T HELPING ANYBODY.

487. ALL RIGHT.

488. YEAH.

489. 03.

490. 03.

491. NOT MUCH.

492. NOT MUCH.

493. BUT IT'S SOMETHING.

494. I'VE GOT DIRTY STUFF IN MY

495. MIND.

496. I'M READY TO GO.

497. THANK YOU.

498. YOU BEEN SHAVING YOUR CHEST

499. LATELY, PONTIUS?

500. OH, YEAH, I DID BECAUSE MANNY

501. DOES.

502. AS SOON AS THE DOOR CLOSES,

503. THAT'S WHEN TIME GOES.

504. I'M GETTING NAKED.

505. HURRY UP.

506. HE'S JUST.

507. AHH.

508. SUCCESS!

509. EVERYONE'S TRUMPED.

510. 52.

511. DOESN'T LOOK LIKE MUCH.

512. IT'S UP ON THE SIDES.

513. IT'S MOVING.

514. DID I HAVE MORE THAN PONTIUS?

515. OH, YOURS IS, LIKE, CHUNKY.

516. I'M GOING TO BE SO BUMMED

517. WHEN THEY ANNOUNCE MY SEXUALLY

518. TRANSMITTED DISEASES.

519. OH, HERE COMES THE DOCTOR

520. WITH THE RESULTS.

521. WHO'S JOHNNY?

522. JOHNNY, THAT'S ME.

523. YOU'RE THE LAST.

524. I GOT THE LOWEST COUNT?

525. YOU'RE THE WORST.

526. NOT FAR BEHIND IS PRESTON.

527. WHO'S CHRIS AND RICK?

528. YEAH.

529. IT'S 118, AND RICK, WHO'S

530. RICK?

531. RIGHT HERE.

532. YOU GIVE HIM THIS.

533. HE'S 144.

534. OH!

535. KICK BUTT!

536. RICK'S GOT GOOD SPERM.

537. NOW HE'S JUST GOT TO FIND

538. SOMEONE TO PUT IT IN.

539. THIS IS THE GLUE HELMET.

540. IT'S OLIVE OIL, HUMAN HAIR,

541. AND HOT SAUCE.

542. HANG ON.

543. HANG ON. DUDE, I'M HANGING.

544. DUDE, I'M HANGING.

545. THE RESULTS ARE IN.

546. VOLUME, THE LOSER WAS WEE MAN

547. WITH.8 MILLILITERS, AND THE

548. WINNER WAS DIMITRY WITH 4.0

549. MILLILITERS.

550. WE CONCOCTED A LITTLE FAKE

551. SPERM USING LOTION AND WATER.

552. IT'S GOING TO GO OVER SOME LUCKY

553. CONTESTANT'S HEAD AT THE END.

554. I THINK KOSICK'S GOING TO WIN

555. THE COMPETITION FOR MOST POTENT

556. SPERM.

557. SO HERE YOU GO, KOSICK.

558. OH!

559. GROSS.

560. DUDE, IS THAT REAL?

561. THAT'S ALL OF IT.

562. THAT'S ALL OF IT. UGH!

563. UGH!

564. OOF!

565. THIS WOULD WORK GREAT

566. THIS WOULD WORK GREAT WITHOUT YOU IN IT.

567. WITHOUT YOU IN IT.

568. SO YOU GUYS WEAR BIKINIS

569. AROUND HERE?

570. NO, WE DON'T WEAR ANYTHING.

571. THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT

572. THE CHINO THAT JUST NEVER GETS

573. OLD.

574. AH!

575. AH!