1. Hey, can you...
Can you show Puffy's
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2. face if he says no?
Can you blur it?
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3. We wanna know if you would
do an intro for the show?
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4. It's my favorite show.
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5. Say hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville,
Welcome to Jackass.
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6. Can I hit you with something?
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7. I wanna get
punched in the face.
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8. Okay.
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9. I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass.
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10. That was a good one.
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11. Come wash my back!
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12. This is the Abe Lincoln
beard of leeches.
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13. Whoa! Hey, hey,
get 'em, get 'em!
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14. Aww!
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15. Will you get 'em
off my crotch?
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16. Should I lay down?
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17. I'm gonna have a Abe Lincoln
mole of "meeches",
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18. leeches, I mean.
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19. Fourscore and seven
years ago
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20. our fathers founded upon this
continent a new nation.
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21. Conceived of liberty and
dedicated to the proposition
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22. that all men
are created equal.
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23. We are now in, in...
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24. We are now engaged
in a civil war
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25. to, to test whether
this nation or any nation
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26. so conceived and dedicated
can long endure.
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27. Ooh, one's in my mouth.
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28. - Liberate...
- Penetrate...
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29. Penetrate, and boy,
can I master—
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30. Ohh! It's in my ear!
Get it out of my ear!
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31. Ahh!
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32. Ohh! Ohh!
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33. That was a hairball
of leeches!
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34. Hi, I'm Wee Man,
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35. and this is a wee hand.
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36. This is a 12-inch
diesel powered chipper.
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37. It's a 200 horsepower unit.
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38. It feeds the material
in back of this unit
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39. and disperses it out the chute.
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40. Ryan Dunn, I'm about to have
fun with the wood chipper.
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41. Say Ryan, I thought
that was familiar.
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42. I think he's trying to say
I got a small wiener.
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43. Strawberry milk.
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44. Let's try something
mellow first.
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45. Fresh fish.
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46. Dude, the squid hurt so much
worse than anything else.
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47. - What was that?
- It was a frozen bird.
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48. Ahh!
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49. Oh my God.
Look at that.
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50. That just came
out of my head.
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51. Oh, dude, you smell
like hot trash.
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52. This is ice barrel jumping.
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53. This is my new contraption.
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54. And it's gonna work.
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55. This is ice barrel jumping.
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56. One barrel, crap, like we're
amateurs or something.
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57. I can do four.
Three's my unlucky number.
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58. All right, have fun!
You got it! Go!
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59. - Did you hurt your unit?
- I hurt my nuts.
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60. I know you guys want me
to eat but...
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61. that's not gonna happen.
Not gonna happen.
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62. Holy.
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63. That's all
I was waiting for.
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64. That's what
I needed to see.
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65. I didn't care
about the make.
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66. Who cares about the—
I wanna see him eating crap.
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67. That almost hurt.
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68. Ahh!
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69. Oh God!
Ahh!
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70. Ahh!
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71. - Ah, I just...
- How do I help you?
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72. Ahh, ahh.
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73. Ah, God.
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74. Yeah, I'm— I think
I'll be all right.
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75. I just didn't
see that curb there.
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76. Oh, God, yeah,
if you can just maybe...
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77. Do you wanna get back up?
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78. Yeah, here, how about
you guys just pick me up
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79. and put me on, uh,
on the sidewalk there?
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80. Yeah, uh, oh boy,
all right, uh...
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81. Ohh...
All right, be careful.
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82. Oh, ah, God, thanks.
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83. Don't want you
to hurt yourself.
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84. Okay, but you just
be careful now.
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85. Ahh!
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86. Ah.
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87. Can I get you to help
me out right there?
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88. Or maybe you can...
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89. just throw it up to me.
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90. Oh God!
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91. Oh! Ah...
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92. Ah.
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93. Steve-O's over there,
and I'm about to antique him.
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94. You're not gonna
antique him.
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95. Oh! Ah! Ah!
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96. - I'm Rick Kosick
- I'm Johnny Knoxville.
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97. This is urban sledding.
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98. Ow!
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99. that hurt.
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100. Is that my skid mark
from my jacket?
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101. Let's try doing steps.
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102. Ahh!
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103. Oh!
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104. Ah!
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105. - What time is it?
- It's time to go home, man.
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106. Hi, I'm Party Boy,
and this is extreme jacuzzing.
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107. Oh.
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108. Ahh!
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109. Ready?
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110. I just made bubbles.
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111. I think we're all in agreement.
Five minutes...
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112. - Gentlemen, start your engines.
- What happens underwater
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113. stays underwater.
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114. Gentlemen,
start your engines.
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115. Let's get ready to hot tub.
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116. This is Ryan Dunn,
AKA Plugs because...
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117. Hi, I'm Steve-O,
and this is the idiot launch.
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118. One, two, three.
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119. Ow!
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120. Yeah! Sweet!
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121. Aw!
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122. Can I see your
shirt real quick?
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123. It's got some
boogers on here.
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124. Check out the suit here.
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125. Uh-oh, this ain't
gonna make it.
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126. Wait.
Do both arms
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127. and then maybe
yank it up a little bit.
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128. Whoa.
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129. Oh, man, you're
not getting in that.
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130. I know.
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131. No, we can pin pit.
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132. Oh, man, you look like an egg
with legs coming out of it.
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133. I love skateboarding.
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134. skateboarding, man,
skateboarding.
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135. Ready?
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136. Thought you were gonna kick
flip it you little bitch.
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137. This sucks.
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138. The fact that you don't skate
isn't gonna make this pretty.
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139. - Good job.
- Thanks.
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140. Go hit the shower.
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141. Dude, you shouldn't do this.
You can't even stand up—
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142. You can't even stand up
on that thing.
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143. - Huh?
- You shouldn't do this.
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144. Why don't you go down—
Practice a little bit
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145. down there and then
come up here.
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146. Just do it, Johnny,
just do it.
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147. Don't let him talk
you out of it, man.
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148. - One, two, three!
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149. Whoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!
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150. Chief Roberts come back
from the grave.
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151. Whoo-hoo-hoo!
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152. The chances of this working
are so minimal.
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153. - Later, dude.
- See ya later.
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154. What are you gonna do?
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155. I'm gonna try to make
it in the hole.
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156. What's up, ladies and gentlemen?
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157. I'm Johnny Knoxville.
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158. Welcome to Jackass.
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159. Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and
this is the beard of leeches.
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160. The Abe Lincoln
beard of leeches.
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161. One, two, three.
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162. Hope it's worth
all the laughter.
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