Jackass 1x7

Directed by Jeff Tremaine

Stewart Richlin as Self • Trip Taylor as Self • Sean Cliver as Self • Jack Polick as Self • Jeff Tremaine as Self

1. Noisy Yoga - 2. Alligator Handling - 3. Skate Fall - 4. Bush Jump - 5. Magic Show - 6. Alligator on the Streets - 7. Extreme Scootin' - 8. Worst Hearse - 9. Bam and Ryan on Golf Course - 10. Street Fishing - 11. Stinky Directions

Request examples:

!req Jackass 1x7 [02:32]
!req Jackass 1x7 [Jackass 1x7]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Jackass 1x7 [10-11]; !req Jackass 1x7 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Hi, my name's Johnny Knoxville. What is it?

2. - Hi, my name's... - What is it?

3. Hi, I...

4. Hi, my name is Johnny. Welcome to Jackass.

5. Hi, my name is Johnny Knoxville from Jackass.

6. Come wash my back! Here, wash my back!

7. Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and I have gas.

8. I'm gonna go to yoga class.

9. So, at this moment, all that there is to do

10. in this yoga cycle at this moment

11. is just to breathe through the nose,

12. take a big breath in and out through the nose.

13. When you exhale, there's a feeling of letting go here,

14. letting go...

15. Look up at your right hand.

16. We're gonna grab our left foot behind

17. and lift it up.

18. If it feels uncomfortable, stay off of that point.

19. - Just go to the point

20. it feels good.

21. And everyone breathe.

22. We take a big breath in.

23. And on the exhale, just release and relax.

24. Gently like you're on fire

25. and a thousand muscles are working

26. and you have to use it alone.

27. - Your energy...

28. Drop the head totally,

29. keep your butt way up in the sky.

30. Breathe through the nose. Let's hear.

31. Going counterclockwise first facilitates the digestion.

32. Ooh.

33. Shut up.

34. Rock and roll, rock forward and back.

35. - Tighten the thighs.

36. Tighten them up.

37. - Here we go.

38. It's a natural occurring thing...

39. Just let it go.

40. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville

41. and we're in Hollywood, Florida where today, kids,

42. Mr. Chris Pontius is gonna get in the pit

43. and wrestle with some alligators.

44. How many people has he bitten?

45. Everyone except me, I think.

46. I'm dead, man.

47. - Tape it up.

48. Let me get used to it, see how it feels.

49. He's in a world of trouble when they pull the tape off.

50. What do you think Pontius's chances are of getting bit?

51. 40% thumb.

52. 60% in the...

53. Just jab him, right?

54. Come on, you big ol' sissy.

55. - Come on, you big ol' baby. - You big ol' baby.

56. Get the gator's garbage on film.

57. I don't think there's a very good chance I'll live,

58. tell you the truth.

59. I lack the confidence,

60. skill, the listening, um...

61. ability.

62. They're gonna probably have to jump in and save me.

63. I-I-I put up my own money against myself at this point.

64. There's no such thing as a pretty good alligator wrestler.

65. Well, I've been wrestling for almost an hour now.

66. At any point, did you become aroused?

67. Yeah. I'm not into bestiality,

68. but that's a good-looking animal.

69. - How you getting into that? - Up those stairs.

70. Following it around to the front.

71. And then there's this trash can I'll go into.

72. It's gonna look like a murder scene, dude.

73. Oh, my God!

74. Stay down. Stay down.

75. Hey, stop that guy!

76. I got out. I left the door open.

77. Don't touch me, I'm...

78. Don't touch me!

79. - Get down. - What you doing down here?

80. I can't believe you came walking through here.

81. Yeah, I saw the cops and I just U-turned.

82. Oh, they're dealing with a over there.

83. Got... right here.

84. You're taping that to my leg?

85. Be a soldier, Preston!

86. Be a soldier, Preston.

87. Be a soldier.

88. Yeah, when you're ripping this off and ass hairs coming,

89. - you won't be laughing so hard.

90. How's it going, guys?

91. Not too bad. Yourself?

92. Excited.

93. - Excited, huh? - Yeah.

94. - Well, you beat my... - Yeah, hell yeah.

95. Hello.

96. You know where a bathroom is around here?

97. Yeah, yeah, go, make a left right here

98. and then you're gonna go down

99. and you're gonna see a door, okay?

100. I'll wait, I'll wait.

101. I don't wanna— I don't wanna miss the show.

102. I'm real excited.

103. There's plenty of time.

104. Thank you.

105. So where was that bathroom? Where was that bathroom?

106. Hey, where was that bathroom at?

107. Yeah, make a left, make a left...

108. - Oh,

109. Oh, no.

110. Oh,

111. All right.

112. Dude, they're not gonna let me go in.

113. - Oh, no...

114. Dude, dude.

115. Yeah, don't even worry about it.

116. Dude, no!

117. Don't worry about it, man.

118. God, why?

119. Oh, no.

120. - Get that on tape, man? - No, what happened?

121. - You didn't get that on tape? - No.

122. I think the guy just pissed his pants.

123. Then he starts grabbing the tree, like oh, my God.

124. He's like, no, no, no!

125. Like what was his problem, dude?

126. He was really upset or was he just screwing around?

127. - I didn't... - He peed his...

128. Oh, he really did.

129. Are you sure you didn't get any of this?

130. - His pants is like soaked.

131. It's all yellow, look.

132. Get it on tape.

133. - Oh. Oh, my God! - Please.

134. Sir, can I have you step off the property?

135. Come with me.

136. Come on, guys, I just want to see the magic show.

137. Hi, I'm Danger Ehren.

138. And this is Extreme Scootin'.

139. This is Mike, our alligator wrangler.

140. How y'all doing out there?

141. You gonna be with us today.

142. We're gonna take this dead alligator

143. and go have some fun with it.

144. Did it die from natural causes or...?

145. That's good.

146. So buy another alligator. It's natural as it gets.

147. Notice the lifelike movement of the tail.

148. Let's go do it.

149. - I know.

150. Why don't you take a picture of it?

151. Excuse me. Watch out, sir.

152. Watch out.

153. Watch out. Watch out.

154. You wanna pet it? Here, pet it, pet it, pet it!

155. Pet it! Pet it!

156. He's gonna hit me with the chair.

157. Do what?

158. You can pet it.

159. You wanna pet it? Here, you try it.

160. You guys may want to step back just a hair.

161. It's asleep. You guys can pet it if you want.

162. - No, no, no. - No?

163. - You wanna pet it?

164. You can touch it.

165. - Gotcha! - Ahh!

166. Ma'am?

167. You wanna pet it? You sure?

168. It's asleep. It's in a sleep state.

169. All right.

170. Oh, God! Oh, God!

171. You wanna pet it?

172. - Here. Pet it.

173. Here. You guys wanna pet it?

174. - Can you guys resurrect it? - Yeah.

175. Hey, Jaime, they're gonna resurrect it?

176. They're gonna perform a resurrection.

177. - In Jesus' name.

178. Ugh!

179. I'm okay. I'm okay.

180. Safety first.

181. What do you gotta for us today?

182. I'm Danger... boys.

183. I'm Danger.

184. Oh, my God.

185. Come on, man.

186. I can't wreck like that too many more times.

187. - That one jacked me up. - Okay.

188. You're just being dramatic now.

189. Get up, do it again!

190. You can totally make it.

191. You just gotta lean back a little bit.

192. Suck it up, dude.

193. Whoo!

194. Ohh!

195. Whoo.

196. Yeah!

197. Dude, you've got it!

198. One more!

199. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

200. - Whoa.

201. Handsome Jack Heart-Throb.

202. He's our corpse for the day.

203. We have a hearse, a casket, we're gonna run around

204. and have some fun with a body in a casket.

205. - Are you claustrophobic? - Yeah.

206. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

207. - Oh,

208. Oh!

209. Oh,

210. What the are they doing?

211. I don't know.

212. - See the guy? - Yeah!

213. The white guy with the ponytail.

214. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

215. Whoa! Oh,

216. Oh,

217. - Whoa! Oh!

218. Ohh!

219. Ugh.

220. Ohh...

221. Ugh, whoa!

222. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

223. - Whoa.

224. Sean.

225. - Whoa.

226. Dude, we're in a bad way. Can you...?

227. Oh,

228. Whoa, whoa. Oh, ooh, that's not good.

229. Ugh.

230. Oh, Thank you.

231. - You're welcome. - Oh...

232. We got it.

233. You idiot!

234. You got...

235. You don't matter!

236. In fact, in about 20 seconds, you're not even gonna be matter.

237. Do you know of any little markets around?

238. Markets? What kinds of markets?

239. Right here, down to La Cienega.

240. Do I make a left or right at La Cienega?

241. - Let's see, you make a left.

242. What are you doing?

243. Go away.

244. - What happened? - I don't know.

245. He told me to go away.

246. He looked like laying farts.

247. - He what?

248. Hello, I'm eating.

249. That's rude.

250. Hi, my name's Santa Claus and I'm about to get a colonic.

251. We are going to put a speculum into your rectum here.

252. Ho, holy. Ahh!

253. Is Jaime inside the cage?

254. Oh, he's getting ready to do it.

255. Grab him, grab him!

256. - Whoo!

257. Look out, Jaime!

258. Say Jackass.

259. - Jackass. - Jackass

260. Jackass. Jackass.

261. Jackass.

262. Okay, we're outta here. Shut off the cameras.

263. I guess he's not gonna say it, guys.

264. Yeah, he's not gonna say it.

265. He's not gonna say Jackass.

266. Jackass.

267. off!

268. - Jackass. - Did he say, "off"?

269. - off! - Don't tell me to off.

270. Say Jackass.