Jackass 1x5

Tony Hawk as Self • Jess Margera as Self • David Decurtis as Self • Norman Gary as Self • Trip Taylor as Self

1. Bee-kini - 2. Naked Mowing - 3. Night Monkey 1 - 4. Slingshot Pond - 5. Taxidermist - 6. Balls of Steel - 7. Pogo - 8. Naked Dave 2 - 9. Butt Stapling - 10. Sling Shot Skateboarding - 11. Mianus - 12. Cell Phone - 13. Night Monkey 2 - 14. Poo Dive

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. HI. I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE.

2. WELCOME TO "JACKASS."

3. COME WASH MY BACK!

4. I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH BEES

5. FOR 51 YEARS.

6. I BECAME CURIOUS ABOUT BEES,

7. LEARNED HOW TO BE A BEEKEEPER,

8. GOT MY Ph.D. IN THE FIELD.

9. NOW I'M GOING TO CAREFULLY PLACE

10. A FEW LITTLE DOTS OF SOLUTION.

11. NOW, WHAT'S THAT GOING TO DO?

12. IT'S GONNA BE—IT'S FOOD.

13. I'M MIXING UP ARTIFICIAL NECTAR.

14. SO, HOW MANY TIMES WOULD YOU

15. SAY YOU'VE BEEN STUNG?

16. JUST AN ESTIMATE, OVER A

17. 50-YEAR PERIOD, MAYBE 75,000

18. TIMES.

19. WHAT DOES THE SMOKE DO?

20. WELL, THE SMOKE CONFUSES,

21. DISORGANIZES THE BEES.

22. IF WE WERE TO BLOW THE SMOKE

23. ON MR. KNOXVILLE, WOULD IT

24. CONFUSE HIM?

25. HI.

26. THIS IS JOHNNY KNOXVILLE

27. CALLING.

28. I WAS WONDERING IF WE GOT MY

29. RESULTS BACK FOR IF I'M ALLERGIC

30. TO HONEYBEES OR NOT.

31. I HAVE 10,000 BEES BESIDE ME.

32. OH, MY GOD.

33. AND I'M HOPING I'M NOT

34. ALLERGIC.

35. JOHNNY.

36. YES, MA'AM.

37. TOXIC DANGER OF ABOUT A 1+

38. LEVEL.

39. OK, SO I CAN TAKE

40. A FEW STINGS.

41. DO NOT PULL OUT THE STINGER.

42. YES, MA'AM.

43. I HAVE NORM HERE, SO WE SHOULD

44. BE ALL RIGHT.

45. DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

46. YES, MA'AM.

47. WHAT DID I SAY?

48. YOU SAID DON'T PULL THE

49. STINGER OUT.

50. FLICK THE STINGER OUT.

51. DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

52. YES, THANK YOU.

53. DON'T GET STUNG.

54. NO, MA'AM.

55. IS MY CROTCH GOING TO BE THE

56. HIVE?

57. IS THIS A DUMB IDEA, NORM?

58. HELLO.

59. I'M JOHNNY KNOXVILLE,

60. AND THIS IS A BEEKINI.

61. MAYBE THEY'RE HUNGRY AGAIN.

62. SHUT UP, RICK.

63. HOW MANY DO I HAVE ON ME?

64. LET'S SAY 15,000.

65. THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH.

66. CLOSE ENOUGH.

67. LET'S GET THEM OFF.

68. JUST GET THEM OFF.

69. YOU DIDN'T FORGET HOW TO GET

70. THEM OFF, DID YOU?

71. JUST LAY ON THE GROUND AND

72. ROLL.

73. SHUT UP, RICK.

74. COME ON.

75. OK.

76. WELL, THEY'RE NOT LEAVING.

77. YES, THEY ARE.

78. AAH!

79. AAH! HOLY.

80. GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

81. WHAT'S GOING ON?

82. WHAT YOU DOING OUT HERE

83. LIKE THIS FOR, MAN?

84. AIN'T NOTHING LIKE

85. A DRUNK MONKEY, MAN.

86. DAMN.

87. GET BACK HERE!

88. GET BACK HERE!

89. GET BACK HERE!

90. GET BACK HERE!

91. COME HERE, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!

92. COME HERE!

93. AW, YOU DON'T KNOW

94. WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

95. OH, REALLY?

96. LIFT UP THE THING

97. A LITTLE BIT.

98. IT'S GOING TO NEED TO BE A

99. LITTLE BIT OFF TO THIS SIDE.

100. THAT CHAIR LOOKS SO RAD, MAN.

101. ACTUALLY, YEAH, I THINK IT IS

102. GOING TO WORK.

103. BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT TOOK A

104. LOT OF TIME PUTTING DOUBLE

105. RUBBER IN THERE, SO IT LOOKS

106. LIKE IT'S DEFINITELY GOING TO

107. WORK.

108. 1, 2, 3.

109. HA HA HA!

110. HE'S GOING TO DIE.

111. WHAT'S UP?

112. I'M BAM.

113. I'M RYAN.

114. AND WE'RE AT ARASAPHA

115. FARM, AND WE'RE GOING TO DO THE

116. IDIOT LAUNCH.

117. 2, 3, GO.

118. OH,

119. 1, 2, 3.

120. OH, IT STINKS SO BAD.

121. GO!

122. HE HELD ON. LET GO!

123. I'M TELLING YOU, IT WOULDN'T

124. MATTER IF I HELD ON OR NOT.

125. I'LL DO IT AGAIN WITHOUT

126. HOLDING ON.

127. IF YOU WOULD HAVE JUST GONE.

128. HUH?

129. IF YOU WOULD HAVE JUST GONE.

130. GO.

131. UGH.

132. SICK.

133. YOU ALL RIGHT?

134. I MEAN, DID IT EVEN

135. LOOK ALL RIGHT?

136. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE JUST TRY

137. ONE MORE?

138. IT DOESN'T WORK.

139. LET'S JUST GO.

140. OK, HERE WE GO.

141. AH! HA HA HA HA!|||||||||||||

142. WE'RE GOING TO WALK INTO A

143. TAXIDERMY AND SEE IF THEY'LL

144. STUFF AND MOUNT MY GRANDMOTHER.

145. HI. MY NAME'S JOHNNY.

146. THIS IS MY GRANDMOTHER DOROTHY.

147. HOW YOU DOING?

148. HI, KITTY.

149. WOW.

150. OH, A LIVE ONE HERE.

151. YEAH.

152. MY GRANDMOTHER—

153. SHE'S GOING TO BE PASSING AWAY.

154. UH-HUH.

155. AND WE WANTED TO COME AND

156. TALK TO YOU TO SEE ABOUT IF YOU

157. WOULD STUFF AND MOUNT HER.

158. YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

159. IT'S ILLEGAL, FOR ONE THING.

160. WELL, WE HAVE CALLS IN TO

161. THE BOARD OF HEALTH, AND WE'RE

162. CHECKING ON THE LEGALITIES OF

163. IT, BUT WE'RE JUST SEEING ON A

164. MORAL ISSUE IF YOU COULD DO THAT

165. OR YOU'D BE WILLING TO DO THAT.

166. I WOULDN'T HAVE THE FIRST

167. I...

168. MOUNTING WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM.

169. IT WOULD BE CURING THE SKIN.

170. WE WANT HER IN A REALLY

171. NATURAL POSITION BECAUSE OF THE

172. GRANDCHILDREN.

173. OH, GOD, YOU KNOW.

174. I DON'T KNOW.

175. THAT WOULD BE REALLY SOMETHING.

176. THE FACE WOULD BE SO HARD TO DO.

177. RIGHT.

178. I CAN'T IMAGINE.

179. HER EYES WOULD BE REALLY—

180. WELL, IF HER EYES LOOK FUNNY,

181. WE COULD JUST HAVE THOSE—YOUR

182. SUNGLASSES.

183. I'VE HAD A LOT OF WEIRD

184. THINGS IN 22 YEARS, BUT NEVER

185. HAD THAT YET.

186. HI. HOW ARE YOU?

187. FINE. HOW YOU DOING?

188. GOOD.

189. GOOD.

190. MY NAME'S JOHNNY.

191. THIS IS MY GRANDMOTHER DOTTIE.

192. HI.

193. MY BROTHER JEFF.

194. PLEASED TO MEET Y'ALL.

195. MY GRANDMOTHER—SHE DOESN'T

196. HAVE AN AWFUL LOT OF YEARS LEFT,

197. AND IT IS HER WISH AND THE

198. FAMILY'S WISH THAT WE'RE GOING

199. TO FORGO THE REGULAR BURIAL

200. PROCEDURE AND SEE IF YOU GUYS

201. WOULD MAYBE STUFF AND MOUNT MY

202. GRANDMOTHER HERE.

203. HI, DOTTIE.

204. OK, THERE IS A SENSITIVE MATTER

205. AND THE LEGALITIES—I'M NOT

206. AWARE OF THE LEGALITIES OF

207. PEOPLE.

208. LET ME GET GARY THE OWNER OUT

209. HERE.

210. HE'S BEEN IN THE BUSINESS NOW

211. FOR A LONG TIME.

212. HE MIGHT HAVE HAD THAT REQUEST.

213. THIS MOOSE—HOW NATURAL IT

214. LOOKS.

215. I'D LIKE TO CAPTURE SOMETHING

216. LIKE THIS FOR GRANDMA.

217. I'D LIKE TO SEE WHAT PRICE

218. YOU GUYS WOULD CHARGE.

219. YOU'RE PROBABLY LOOKING

220. AROUND 20,000 OR SOMETHING.

221. AND 20 GRAND IS, LIKE, A

222. ROUGH ESTIMATE FOR RIGHT NOW?

223. VERY ROUGH.

224. VERY ROUGH.

225. NOW, IS THERE A SMELL GOING

226. TO BE INVOLVED WITH... I MEAN,

227. DOWN THE LINE?

228. YOU'D KEEP HER DUSTED AND

229. STUFF.

230. OH, OF COURSE.

231. SORRY, MOM.

232. I'M SORRY.

233. THANK YOU.

234. WHAT HAPPENS TO HER ENTRAILS

235. ONCE THAT YOU...

236. WE DON'T EVEN DEAL WITH THAT.

237. I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO

238. HEAR THE DETAILS.

239. YEAH, I'M SORRY.

240. LET'S JUST GET THE CARD AND GO.

241. WE GAVE HIM 3.

242. OK, GOOD.

243. DOTTIE, IT WAS A PLEASURE

244. MEETING YOU.

245. NICE MEETING YOU.

246. NICE MEETING YOU.

247. YOU'VE GOT BALLS OF BIG

248. STEEL, AND YOU AIN'T TAKING

249. FROM NOBODY.

250. NO.

251. NO, YOU AIN'T TAKING.

252. THE HAS HIT THE FAN.

253. WHAT, HELL.

254. OH!

255. OH!

256. FROM HAPPENING

257. YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP IT HERE

258. BIG TIME, BIG TIME

259. WELL, THE KID WON'T STOP, BUT

260. IT'S REALLY HOPPING

261. OH!

262. OH!

263. OH!

264. WHO YOU GONNA HURT SOME MORE?

265. 4, 5, 6, 7

266. ALL GO TO HEAVEN

267. THERE'S NO STOPPING THINGS FROM

268. HAPPENING

269. YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP IT HERE

270. COME BACK HERE!

271. GET BACK HERE!

272. GET BACK HERE!

273. COME BACK HERE!

274. I'M GOING TO NEED YOU TO, UH,

275. CHEAT YOUR ASS A LITTLE

276. THIS WAY.

277. WHAT DOES YOUR ASS SAY?

278. YOUR NAME.

279. I GOT "YOUR NAME" TATTOOED

280. ON MY ASS.

281. YEAH.

282. OK.

283. HERE WE GO.

284. THIS IS SO GAY, A GAY JOKE.

285. THAT DOES IT.

286. I FOUND MY WAY.

287. YOU'RE NOT CIRCUMCISED?

288. NO, DUDE.

289. I THINK I'M JUST CURVED AROUND.

290. OH, OK.

291. THIS ONE'S REALLY GOING TO

292. HURT.

293. IT'S RIGHT ON THE CRACK.

294. OH, DUDE, BE CAREFUL, DUDE.

295. BE CAREFUL.

296. I'M TALKING TO IT.

297. THE FIRST ONES ARE GETTING

298. SORE.

299. AAH! HA HA HA!

300. THEY'RE NOT FEELING SO BAD

301. GOING IN.

302. AHHH, YEAH.

303. OK, NOW TURN AROUND.

304. LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT.

305. OH, GOD.

306. NO, WAIT, WAIT.

307. WE GOT TO TAPE THE WARNING ON.

308. YOU CAN STICK IT IN HERE,

309. DUDE.

310. YOU CAN STICK IT RIGHT THERE.

311. OH!

312. WELL, I MEAN, THIS HURTS, YOU

313. KNOW?

314. COME ON. DON'T DO THAT.

315. COME ON. COME ON. STOP.

316. WILL YOU STOP?||||||||||||||||||

317. EVERYBODY READY.

318. GOING.

319. SO, WE'VE DRIVEN 5 HOURS FROM

320. PHILADELPHIA.

321. IT SHOULD HAVE TAKEN US 3,

322. JAIME, AND WE'RE IN

323. CONNECTICUT, AND WE'RE LOOKING

324. FOR MIANUS.

325. CAN YOU POINT ME TOWARDS

326. MIANUS?

327. YEAH.

328. JUST GO DOWN THE HILL AND MAKE A

329. RIGHT TURN.

330. THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO.

331. IS MIANUS A BIG PLACE?

332. WELL, I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.

333. IT IS DOWN THERE, BUT I'VE NEVER

334. BEEN THERE.

335. DAMN, MAN.

336. LOOK, THERE'S A TEPEE IN

337. MIANUS.

338. THERE'S A BIG RED TRUCK IN

339. MIANUS.

340. AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT?

341. THERE'S A GENERAL STORE IN

342. MIANUS.

343. DO YOU SELL A LOT OF CHOCOLATE

344. MILK IN MIANUS?

345. MM-HMM.

346. WHAT'S THE BEST MEAT IN

347. MIANUS?

348. WELL, THERE'S BANGERS,

349. THERE'S STEAK AND KIDNEY PIES,

350. STEAK AND BANGER PIES.

351. THERE'S A LITTLE JACK RUSSELL

352. TERRIER IN MIANUS.

353. LOOK, RICK'S PUMPING IN MIANUS.

354. THERE'S A SEWAGE PLANT IN

355. MIANUS, AND IT STINKS.

356. WHAT'S THE ODDEST THING YOU'VE

357. FOUND IN THE SEWAGE IN MIANUS?

358. LEAVES AND THINGS, AND

359. OCCASIONALLY A CRAWFISH OR TWO

360. WILL POP UP IN THE SCREEN.

361. DO YOU EVER CATCH ANY BROWN

362. TROUT IN MIANUS?

363. I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY.

364. WHAT'S THERE TO DO FOR FUN IN

365. MIANUS?

366. IT'S A PRETTY SMALL TOWN.

367. A BUNCH OF FAMOUS PEOPLE LIVE IN

368. MANSIONS THAT ARE SURROUNDED BY

369. FENCES.

370. THERE'S A LOT OF FAMOUS

371. PEOPLE THAT LIVE IN MIANUS?

372. MEL GIBSON HAS A HOUSE UP

373. HERE.

374. MEL GIBSON HAS A HOUSE IN

375. MIANUS?

376. WHOOPI GOLDBERG, I BELIEVE,

377. HAS A HOUSE UP HERE.

378. OH, I JUST LOVE WHOOPI

379. GOLDBERG.

380. THAT'S COOL.

381. A LOT OF WEALTHY PEOPLE IN

382. MIANUS.

383. YEAH.

384. I WISH I COULD LIVE HERE.

385. YOU DON'T LIVE IN MIANUS?

386. I LIVE JUST OUTSIDE OF—

387. YOU COMMUTE TO MIANUS?

388. YEAH, I COMMUTE IN.

389. WOW. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.

390. I THINK WE GOT EVERYTHING.

391. THAT WAS GREAT.

392. GET BACK HERE!

393. COME HERE!

394. YOU LITTLE BASTARD, COME HERE!

395. GET BACK HERE!

396. YOU'RE JUST FILLED WITH

397. EXCUSES.

398. IT'S LIKE A JOKE.

399. I MIGHT AS WELL JUST LOOK AT

400. THIS LIKE JUST JOKES I CAN JUST

401. LAUGH AT.

402. IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO STOP ME

403. FROM GETTING MAD, AND THAT'S

404. WHAT I'M GETTING.

405. I'M GETTING VERY, VERY ANGRY.

406. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD GET?

407. YOU SHOULD GET A GLASS STOMACH.

408. THAT WAY YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY

409. ABOUT PULLING YOUR HEAD OUT OF

410. YOUR ASS.

411. YOU CAN SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING

412. THEN.

413. MAYBE YOU'LL GET SOMETHING DONE.

414. THERE'S NOT EVEN ANY TONER IN

415. THE COPYING MACHINE.

416. THERE'S NO COFFEE, NOTHING.

417. NO!

418. I'M SERIOUS!

419. UGGGGHHH!

420. AAHHHHH!

421. AAH!

422. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE NOW?

423. I'M BLEEDING OUT MY EAR,

424. SO ANGRY YOU'VE MADE ME!

425. AAH!

426. WAIT TILL I GET BACK TO THE

427. OFFICE!

428. AHHH! YOU'RE FIRED!

429. JUST PACK UP YOUR STUFF AND GO!

430. AAH!

431. ARE YOU NEWS OR WHAT?

432. WHAT HAP—WHAT DID YOU SEE?

433. WELL, HE THREW HIS COCKEYED

434. CELL PHONE DOWN.

435. THE FIRST THING I KNOW, HE JUST

436. WENT CRAZY.

437. IT LOOKED LIKE THERE

438. WAS BLOOD.

439. IT LOOKS LIKE IT TO ME.

440. NOW THEY GOT—

441. YOU THINK HE'S ALL RIGHT?

442. I DON'T KNOW.

443. GOOD GRIEF.

444. MAKING A NUISANCE OF HISSELF.

445. DO YOU THINK HE'S HURT?

446. IN THE HEAD HE IS—

447. NOT OUTSIDE BUT IN.

448. I'M BAM MARGERA, AND I FEEL

449. LIKE KICKING MY DAD'S ASS

450. ALL DAY TODAY.

451. HUH?

452. SON?

453. SON.

454. COME ON, BAM.

455. YOU LITTLE WUSS.

456. JERK. STOP IT!

457. COME ON. DON'T DO THAT.

458. WOULD YOU STOP?

459. HEY, STOP IT.

460. I AIN'T HITTING YOU.

461. THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

462. COME ON, BAM.

463. YOU KNOW MY STOMACH'S SORE.

464. JUST STOP.

465. IT'S ENOUGH.

466. BOO, DID YOU JUST CALL ME?

467. HOW COME YOU HUNG UP?

468. STOP, BAM. I'M ON THE PHONE.

469. STOP IT!

470. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO KICK THE

471. CAMERA OUT OF HIS HAND.

472. HOW'S HE LIKE THAT?

473. BYE-BYE, CAMERA.

474. WHOO-HOO! HA HA!

475. WHAT ARE MY CHANCES TODAY IN

476. RIDING MR. MEAN?

477. SLIM AND NONE.

478. SLIM AND NONE.

479. SLIM AND NONE.

480. OH, GO. GO. GO OUTSIDE!

481. GO OUTSIDE! GO OUTSIDE!

482. GO OUTSIDE! GO OUTSIDE!

483. WHY? WHAT'S THE MATTER?

484. GO OUTSIDE! GO OUTSIDE!

485. I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO LIVE

486. IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD AFTER THIS.

487. HEY, MONEY, YOU GOT AN EXTRA

488. BANANA ON YOU?

489. THANKS, BUDDY.

490. HEY, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME

491. YOU HAD A TETANUS SHOT?

492. ONE OF THE LAST DOZEN TIMES

493. I'VE BEEN IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM.

494. OW! THAT'S SERIOUSLY KILLING!

495. UHH!

496. OW! MY HEAD!

497. I HATE CELL PHONES!

498. WHAT DO PEOPLE EAT

499. THE MOST OF OUT OF MIANUS? 3 F1