Jackass 1x3

Directed by Jeff Tremaine

Phil Margera as Self • Kevin McCarthy as Self • Spike Jonze as Self • Rossie Harris as Self • Knate Gwaltney as Self

1. Skate Ramp - 2. Shock-wave Dog Collar - 3. Skunk - 4. Preston Chasing the Wee-man - 5. Zoo Monkey 2 - 6. Mexican Snowboarding - 7. Big Wheel Craze - 8. Dave's Exercise Equipment - 9. Daddy and Baby 2 - 10. Up in Flames - 11. Elephant Poo Dive

Request examples:

!req Jackass 1x3 [02:32]
!req Jackass 1x3 [Jackass 1x3]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Jackass 1x3 [10-11]; !req Jackass 1x3 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. My name's Johnny Knoxville

2. and I'm gonna drop in on the vert ramp

3. for the first time ever.

4. Come wash my back!

5. This is the, uh, shockwave collar mic.

6. It's a fenceless dog collar and what happens is

7. you put this around your neck

8. and when you overstep the wire boundaries,

9. it, uh, administers a shock.

10. - Ow!

11. Ow!

12. Okay, come here.

13. - Ah,

14. Get it off. Get it off!

15. Wait, come here.

16. Now Jeff and I and Pontius have tried it out.

17. We're gonna convince Kosick

18. that this is a piece of audio equipment.

19. Unbeknownst to him, he's gonna be shocked.

20. Um, and probably pretty angry.

21. Who should have the mic? Who's gonna wear the mic?

22. I think Rick should wear it 'cause Rick's gonna be

23. the closest to you. I think Rick's...

24. I think you'll have better sound.

25. Keep it on. Yeah, put that phone on.

26. - ... really tight, though. - Jeez.

27. - It'll work. - I don't hear nothing.

28. Stop it, stop it.

29. Sorry, man.

30. Ow,

31. Who wants some?

32. Knoxville?

33. I had nothing to do with that.

34. I had literally nothing to do with that, Rick.

35. - ... nothing to do with that.

36. That was all Jeff's idea.

37. Your neck goes like this.

38. Just this crazy pain.

39. I don't wish upon any animal to be wearing that stupid thing.

40. That's just pure torture.

41. Whoever invented it should just be burned in hell.

42. It's torture. Are we outta here?

43. All right, now I'm gonna go talk to the skunk lady.

44. I'm planning on getting sprayed here in a little while,

45. and I have some questions for her.

46. Have you ever been sprayed by a skunk?

47. Never.

48. A full-on spray is very nauseating.

49. Of course, it goes away.

50. It burns like Mace.

51. It smells.

52. I mean, it's nauseating for everybody.

53. And it's all located around their hind quarters?

54. It's in their anus. There's two like marbles.

55. And they can actually go...

56. I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm about to get

57. sprayed by a skunk.

58. Hello.

59. Hello, Mr. Skunk.

60. Hi, Mr. Skunk. How are you?

61. Come here, skunk.

62. Whoo, oh!

63. Let him out.

64. Well, damn it, I'm trying to.

65. Okay. Ah, Damn it.

66. Ah, Damn it!

67. Ah, Damn!

68. Oh,

69. I can smell it now.

70. So that's five squirts.

71. He's gotta be out after the next one, right?

72. Rick, keep filming.

73. All right, you're free.

74. - Ah, he did it again.

75. Oh, my God.

76. How do you smell?

77. Well, like a damn skunk. How do you think I smell?

78. I don't want to go anywhere near him.

79. It smells too... way too bad.

80. Do you want me to just like keep one of these doors open?

81. Look, man, I got electrocuted

82. and then I got skunk all over me.

83. - Leave me alone.

84. Now you need to take a bath with tomato juice

85. to get that smell off.

86. Oh, goo!

87. Ow, hot!

88. Get back here!

89. Watch out. There's a midget guy coming through.

90. Get back here, you little bastard, get back here.

91. Get back here! Come here!

92. Little bastard, come here!

93. I'm Bam Margera.

94. And I feel like kicking my dad's ass all day today.

95. What's up? What happened?

96. - Come on, man.

97. Look, I gotta go to work, you jerk-off.

98. Stop it!

99. Come on, I gotta go to work...

100. Will you stop it?

101. Stop it.

102. Hey, you hit me in the nuts.

103. Bam, stop, I'm gonna...

104. That's ridiculous.

105. Come on, Bam, you know my shoulder is sore.

106. Just stop. It's enough.

107. Hello?

108. Did you just call me? How come you hung up?

109. Stop, Bam, I'm on the phone.

110. Stop it!

111. Ahh! You're dead.

112. I'm down now.

113. That hurt.

114. He'll have to call you back.

115. Ow, that hurt.

116. That was in the gut, Bam.

117. Oh, he ruptured it.

118. He ruptured my gut now.

119. Tell him to stop.

120. I'm gonna have to get up and kick his.

121. I'm gonna have to kick the camera out of his hand.

122. How's he like that? Bye-bye, camera, wah-hoo!

123. Whoa.

124. Andalé.

125. Whoo!

126. Whoo-hoo!

127. Whoo-hoo.

128. Action and adrenalin.

129. Punch it, baby, punch it!

130. Whoo!

131. Come on! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

132. Yeah!

133. Jason, that Mexican snowboarding

134. is not normally done on the knees.

135. It's normally done sitting down.

136. This is a hybrid style. It's experimental.

137. Mexican snowboarding. Whoo.

138. You're not even Mexican.

139. Dudes in Mexico.

140. Bunch of wild guys looking for a thrill.

141. Whoo. Whoo!

142. Oh, oh...

143. call it Mexican snowboarding.

144. I call it hot waterskiing.

145. We thought you might have some fun...

146. Go back to America!

147. This is the original Mexican snowboarding.

148. This is where it all originated, baby.

149. Los Osos, Mexico.

150. Arriba!

151. Mexican snowboarding is not for macho jerks.

152. 110% pure adrenalin.

153. Ultimate rush. Ultimate high.

154. Get back here!

155. Come here!

156. Little bastard, come here!

157. Get back here!

158. Whoo!

159. Hello, this is my road wife for today.

160. - Miss Klepper. - Hello.

161. This is our darling child.

162. Daddy and baby are gonna go on a little adventure.

163. Okay, we'll do that then.

164. Stop! Hey! Stop your car!

165. Stop, hey! Hey! Stop!

166. All right, we'll see you.

167. Oh, my God.

168. - Hey! - Stop!

169. Oh, my God.

170. Hey!

171. My God!

172. - Hey! - Oh, my God.

173. Hey, hey!

174. Oh, my...

175. Oh, my.

176. Oh, my.

177. Oh, baby.

178. Oh, baby.

179. Oh, baby.

180. Go straight, go straight to the stop sign.

181. Was that a good one?

182. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville

183. and I'm about to go up in flames.

184. Stand by.

185. Hey, are you the guy who's gonna light me on fire today?

186. - Yeah. - What do we need to do

187. to do this.

188. Okay, I've got extinguishers here.

189. Let me show you our safety setup.

190. - Okay. - Here's my flamethrower.

191. This is what I'm gonna ignite you with.

192. So what I'll do is I'll just key you

193. from, you know, from here

194. or back as far as you want to go.

195. I can hit you from about 15 feet, 20 feet away.

196. And it's a massive flame.

197. So I'll spray you with that.

198. That'll light you and then you can just go to town,

199. start dancing around, do whatever you want.

200. Right before I light you, take a deep breath

201. and hold your breath.

202. So, as soon as I light you, you go up immediately.

203. Once the flames come on, you get a hot spot

204. or something, you panic for any reason,

205. go to the ground like this.

206. And then, as soon as you touch the ground,

207. boom, I'll come in with CO2 and put you out.

208. Will that put the hot spots out?

209. Yeah, it'll put everything out real fast.

210. Kinda look like Patrick Swayze.

211. Did you ever stunt-double for Patrick Swayze?

212. - No. - No?

213. What's your favorite Patrick Swayze film?

214. I thought Road House was pretty good.

215. - Road House? - Yeah.

216. How many times have you burned?

217. - 40. - 40?

218. - Yeah.

219. , one guy got a... from sweating.

220. His whole back was just like one big, I mean, blister.

221. Couple other guys burned the tips of their ears off,

222. tips of their nose, that kinda stuff.

223. But, yeah, but they were burning for how long?

224. 30, 40 seconds.

225. I had a few cocktails last night.

226. Is that gonna help me burn quicker?

227. - Don't fart. - Yeah.

228. If you fart in a burn suit when you're on fire...

229. - big, big problems. - Really?

230. You don't want to see what the guy look like.

231. You didn't make this yourself, did ya?

232. Is that that homemade stuff?

233. None of that love mayonnaise.

234. Stand by.

235. Real close.

236. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville

237. and I'm about to go up in flames.

238. Stand by.

239. - Uh-uh.

240. All right, breathe, breathe, all right?

241. Whoo.

242. I was all right with the burning part.

243. Uh, just when the fire took all my oxygen.

244. Other than that, it was very refreshing.

245. - Sorry about that. - That's all right.

246. - Who did that? - Pushed the gimp in the pool.

247. You did that?

248. Come back here!

249. Get back here!

250. - Back here. - Come back here.

251. So we drove an hour north from Miami to Boca Raton,

252. believe it or not, to film Steve-O jump

253. in nine days' worth of elephant poo.

254. Yeah!

255. Are those maggots?

256. Uh, yeah, they sure are.

257. - Those are maggots. - Uh-huh.

258. It's like the fear of food is.

259. Yeah, that's the major winner. I know I'm gonna puke.

260. So I've been saving up all this poo

261. for like probably nine days now.

262. And it all came out of the elephants in my circus.

263. I'm Bunny. I'm the lifeguard on duty today.

264. You don't think that a young diver couldn't

265. get himself drowned in the thick of this elephant's garbage,

266. you've gotta be an idiot.

267. If I see him jump and he's in trouble,

268. I'm gonna get in there and I'm gonna save him

269. in the nick of time.

270. Hi, I'm Steve-O and I'm about to jump into some poo.

271. Here it goes, the culmination

272. of weeks and weeks of planning.

273. Gross.

274. Oh, man, I think a maggot just bit me, dude.

275. Ohh!

276. Get out of here! Get out of the pool!

277. That felt good, man.

278. We gotta get this guy hosed off.

279. There you go, Steve.

280. Thanks, man.

281. It's a dirty job,

282. but somebody's got to do it.

283. Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. This is sumo wrestling.

284. - Come on, baby. - Come on, baby, come on.

285. Can I be the— the— the dog trying to get you

286. and you be the skunk and do the "ready, aim, fire" for me?

287. - Okay.

288. Hi, I'm Bunny. I'm the lifeguard on duty today.

289. And if you think that this young diver couldn't die

290. and lose himself and drowned, just like he was in the river—

291. I'm a bad bitch is what I am.

292. Oh...

293. Ahh!

294. - You all right?

295. There's a little alien coming out of there.