1. Oh, God!
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2. Run!
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3. Where are you guys?
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4. What's happening?
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5. Over here!
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6. Over here!
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7. Frank!
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8. Where are you?
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9. Frank!
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10. Charlie!
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11. Oh, my God!
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12. Over here.
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13. We're all here?
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14. We're all here?
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15. Guys!
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16. Stop!
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17. Stop where you are!
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18. You four got some explaining to do.
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19. I got 15 different wedding
guests out there with various
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20. degrees of injury.
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21. I got a groom...
face is half gone!
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22. And I'm still missing a bride.
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23. I don't know what happened back
there, but we are innocent.
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24. We're completely innocent.
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25. Yeah, well, you four bozos are
the only people on the scene
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26. that weren't invited.
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27. So you can see how bad this looks.
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28. Now, who is
Mr. Dennis Reynolds?
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29. Oh, that's me.
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30. Hmm, hello, Dennis.
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31. Those are some interesting
marks on your neck.
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32. Let me guess.
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33. Ex-wife's getting remarried,
you get a little jealous.
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34. Get your buddies together, you
decide to break up that party.
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35. So you crash the wedding, get a little
tipsy, things take a violent turn.
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36. No, no, no, look.
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37. That is the exact opposite
of what I wanted to happen.
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38. I wanted to make sure that
that wedding happened!
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39. Why is Maureen getting married
in the middle of the woods?
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40. I don't know.
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41. Some people find the
woods romantic, I guess.
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42. And why get married on Friday the 13th?
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43. It's a monster day.
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44. I don't know and I don't care.
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45. I just want to make sure
the wedding happens.
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46. I'm tired of paying alimony.
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47. Well, we got your back, bro.
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48. Don't worry about that.
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49. I don't need you to have my back.
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50. Three people crashing a wedding...
it's gonna make a scene.
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51. Why couldn't you just
let me do this alone?
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52. Just don't like getting bussed up there.
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53. I feel like we're gonna be trapped.
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54. I don't, I don't like any of this.
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55. Oh, no.
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56. No, no.
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57. I don't like this place already.
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58. This is a strange place, right?
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59. I'm seeing a lot of bats.
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60. Yeah, there's bats everywhere.
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61. You know why?
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62. 'Cause it's Friday the 13th.
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63. No, no, no, stop.
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64. Will you stop with that?
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65. It's not because it's Friday the 13th.
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66. We're in the woods.
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67. Stop being paranoid.
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68. Still, this is creepy.
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69. I mean, who gets married
in a spot like this?
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70. Oh, Jesus Christ!
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71. You guys crashing my wedding?
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72. Wait.
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73. What?
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74. You?
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75. Wait, Liam, you're marrying Maureen?
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76. Big-time.
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77. Don't be jelly.
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78. What the hell is going on here?
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79. What's your angle?
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80. Oldest angle in the book, my friend.
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81. (grunts): Love.
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82. I don't buy this, okay?
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83. I thought you were in love with Ryan.
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84. What's your brother think about all this?
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85. Ryan's dead to me.
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86. Do you hear me?
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87. He's dead!
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88. So, I take it he doesn't approve?
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89. That's a negative, Ronald McDonald.
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90. Now, I'd ask you guys to leave,
but I'm just too damn happy.
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91. See you bitches on the dance floor.
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92. I don't like this, okay?
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93. This is a McPoyle-Ponderosa
wedding.
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94. This is, this is bad.
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95. Look, look, if you're gonna
be here, I need your support.
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96. You need to help me make sure this
wedding goes off without a hitch.
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97. Hold on. What made you think
this wasn't gonna happen?
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98. Mac had heard there were some people
there who wanted to ruin the wedding.
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99. Who?
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100. Him.
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101. (groans): Ah!
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102. That is bullshit!
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103. I was there to support my buddy.
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104. That was a swervy road.
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105. Yeah.
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106. What are you guys doing here?
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107. Oh, my God, I knew it.
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108. You're here to break up this wedding.
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109. What are you talking about?
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110. I'm here to support my
friend, Bill Ponderosa.
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111. I'm his AA sponsor!
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112. Bullshit!
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113. You two love the fact that I have
to pay alimony the rest of my life.
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114. You love the power you have over
me with this financial burden.
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115. You know what, Dennis, not
everything is about you, okay?
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116. I am here to support Frank.
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117. No, you two are here to make a scene.
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118. Oh!
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119. If anybody's making a scene, it's you!
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120. Ow! Ow!
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121. I just got tagged by a bat!
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122. He got you.
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123. I got tagged!
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124. Suck out the poison, Dee!
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125. I'm not sucking on your head.
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126. Suck it out!
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127. I'll give you $200, you suck it out.
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128. $200? I'll do it!
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129. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
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130. I'll do it for $200.
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131. Suck it quick.
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132. What are you...?
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133. This is the kind of thing
that I was talking about!
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134. Suck it harder!
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135. Go home, please!
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136. Suck it harder!
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137. I got it.
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138. Did you swallow it?
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139. Of course I swallowed.
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140. Make yourself throw up!
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141. Yeah, you swallowed the poison!
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142. Get it out! Get it out!
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143. Vomit! Vomit!
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144. What are you doing?
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145. There is no poison from a bat!
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146. No! You are gonna ruin this!
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147. You're all gonna ruin this!
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148. You all right?
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149. It won't come, Frank.
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150. Deandra.
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151. Yeah?
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152. Let's go break up this wedding.
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153. Whoa, stop, stop!
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154. So you were there to break up the wedding.
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155. Shit.
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156. Did I just say that part?
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157. Yeah.
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158. Why did you want to break up the wedding?
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159. For all the things he just said.
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160. That was accurate.
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161. But it wasn't just our idea
to break up the wedding.
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162. Not at first.
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163. Last week, we had a visitor at the bar.
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164. They have to be stopped.
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165. The McPoyle bloodline's been pure
and clean for a thousand years.
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166. This marriage is an abomination.
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167. Now, when you say "pure and clean
," uh, you mean what, exactly?
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168. Means we haven't bred
outside the bloodline.
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169. For a thousand years?
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170. Yeah.
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171. That makes a lot of sense.
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172. Dennis knows Maureen better than anyone.
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173. Only he can talk her out of this.
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174. The last thing Dennis wants to
do is break up this wedding.
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175. But we do.
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176. Okay, I brought a disguise.
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177. Meh!
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178. They're gonna know who you are.
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179. This will work.
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180. Now sneak me in so we can go kill Maureen.
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181. Kill?
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182. Who said anything about killing anybody?
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183. No one's killing anyone.
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184. We'll sneak you in to Liam so
you guys can talk or bang or
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185. whatever it is you want to do.
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186. Frank!
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187. Frank!
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188. Oh, thank God you're here, man.
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189. I am not gonna make it.
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190. I am itching to get blitzed.
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191. Weddings are a big trigger for me, man.
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192. Why are you telling me this?
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193. You're my sponsor, Frank.
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194. Come on.
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195. My support system.
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196. Oh, right, right, right.
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197. Of course.
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198. So, do whatever you feel is best.
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199. Well, I feel it would be
best if I pounded a beer.
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200. I'll support that decision.
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201. I wish I could.
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202. I mean, it's a dry wedding,
for God's sakes.
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203. They're serving milk.
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204. I feel like maybe I should do
some drugs then, you know?
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205. That bad?
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206. You earned it.
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207. Yeah.
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208. You do whatever you feel like.
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209. You're a good person.
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210. Frank.
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211. Mm.
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212. Cool, cool.
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213. Thank you.
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214. Thank you.
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215. Diddly Dee.
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216. Miss me?
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217. Don't answer that.
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218. All right.
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219. Catch you guys later.
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220. You're a bad sponsor.
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221. Why?
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222. I supported every decision
he wanted to make.
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223. Stop wasting time!
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224. Ow! God!
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225. Let's go find Liam.
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226. Shit!
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227. Don't hit me.
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228. Things have already taken a bit
of a dark turn, it would seem.
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229. Yeah.
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230. Okay, I need to get to Maureen
before Frank and Dee.
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231. All right?
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232. Oh, we'll come with you.
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233. No, just hang back.
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234. I got this, okay?
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235. Dude, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
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236. Yeah.
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237. We could definitely get laid here.
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238. Huh? What?
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239. Maureen, I need to speak with you.
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240. Dennis!
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241. OMG, what are you doing here?
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242. Well, uh, I have reason to
believe that someone is here to
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243. destroy this special day for
you, so I'm sure to make sure
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244. that doesn't happen.
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245. That is so sweet, Dennis.
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246. I also brought along some legal
documents, so if we could
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247. just wrap this up lickety-split.
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248. Legal documents? What?
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249. Yeah, I realize my timing is a
little unorthodox, but, uh, I
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250. figure what better way to make
sure your union is totally
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251. complete than by having you sign these
documents that I need you to sign?
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252. So if I can just get your
signature right here, and I'll
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253. run up and get Liam's signature,
and this'll be on the books and
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254. your wedding... Muh!
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255. My Maureen, you've...
you've enhanced yourself.
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256. Yeah, I got my tooth fixed.
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257. I'm talking about your tits!
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258. You big, giant new titties, Maureen!
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259. Why would you do that now?
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260. Why not when we were
together when I could've...?
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261. I told you I was willing to change.
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262. Yeah, but I didn't know
you meant physically,
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263. that you would change physically.
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264. Why weren't you more
clear with me, Maureen?
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265. All right, you know what?
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266. I'm not gonna get distracted.
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267. Just, just sign right here... Wait!
What are you doing in here?
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268. You can't see the bride
before the ceremony!
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269. No, no!
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270. Get out!
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271. I just need her to sign this!
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272. No! Get out of here!
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273. Wait, wait, wait! Maureen!
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274. No matter what happens, you
got to go through with this!
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275. Out!
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276. Liam is your destiny, Maureen!
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277. Oh, here he comes.
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278. I didn't get it.
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279. I mean, I'm so close, I'm so close.
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280. Do you know where Liam is?
Maybe I can get his signature first.
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281. I didn't see him anywhere.
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282. I'm sorry, but I got to bring this up.
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283. Things are getting really weird.
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284. I mean, check out Pappy McPoyle.
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285. What is that all about?
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286. I'll tell you what that's all about.
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287. Zombies.
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288. Zombies?
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289. I seen it once before in a rat,
and I seen it now in men.
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290. Once one gets a taste for its own
kind, it can spread through
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291. the pack like a wildfire.
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292. Mindlessly chomping and
biting at their own hinds.
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293. Nothing but the taste of
flesh on their minds.
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294. You know the thing about a rat?
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295. It's got life in its eyes.
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296. Black eyes like a doll's eye.
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297. Don't seem to be living at
all when it come at ya.
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298. Till it bites ya.
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299. And then the eyes roll over white.
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300. You don't hear nothing but the
screaming and the hollering.
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301. What are you doing?
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302. Are you doing the speech from Jaws?
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303. - Nah...
- Are you doing Jaws?
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304. We don't have time for this shit.
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305. This is serious.
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306. Look, it wasn't zombies, okay?
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307. Really?
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308. Yeah.
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309. Then you explain what happened next.
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310. Okay, it's time to get out of here.
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311. I mean, look at that guy.
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312. The McPoyles sprung from
my loins, fully formed!
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313. One of them babies tried to eat me!
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314. I ate him first!
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315. (sobs): I ate him first!
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316. Okay, I'm with Charlie.
I'm leaving.
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317. Wait.
You guys are just gonna leave?
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318. You're gonna, you're gonna go?
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319. Yeah, we're out.
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320. You know what?
I don't give a shit.
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321. Yeah, go, go, go.
Yeah, get the hell out of here!
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322. I didn't want you here in the first place!
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323. Yeah, I understand the McPoyle
bloodline's very strong.
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324. Legions of us thousand sturdy
ones ruled this fine land.
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325. Our bloodline was as pure
as the driven snow.
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326. Mm-hmm. And then what happened?
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327. Syphilis killed about half of us.
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328. Mm.
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329. Mongoloidism got most of the rest.
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330. Right.
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331. Yep.
Copy !req
332. Well, there's somebody inside who
wants to talk to you about this.
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333. Mm?
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334. Who's this guy?
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335. Ryan!
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336. We need to talk!
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337. We'll leave you guys alone.
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338. Let them hash it out themselves.
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339. It'll bust up.
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340. What the hell is that?
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341. Holy shit.
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342. I'm gonna go.
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343. No, no, no, Deandra!
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344. What?
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345. - No, you gotta stay!
- I don't have to stay.
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346. You gotta finish this.
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347. Uh, I'm not going to.
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348. But we're not done!
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349. Don't, don't go out there!
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350. Deandra!
Copy !req
351. And we never saw Dee again.
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352. Oh, no.
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353. No.
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354. We saw Dee.
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355. Yeah.
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356. Yeah, that's when the shit
started hitting the fan.
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357. Oh, look, there's Dee! Dee!
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358. Dee! Don't go down there!
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359. Do not go down there!
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360. We just got attacked by
a bunch of zombies!
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361. Yeah, and the shuttle bus is gone!
Copy !req
362. A zombie must have stolen your car!
Copy !req
363. Your car is gone!
Copy !req
364. There's no way out of here!
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365. There's no way out!
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366. What are you doing?
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367. She's infected! She's infected!
Copy !req
368. Liam? Liam?
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369. Liam! Hello, Liam?
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370. Frank?
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371. Hi, Dennis. (Cackles)
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372. What did you do with Liam?
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373. You're too late.
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374. He's getting talked out of it!
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375. Ha-ha-ha!
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376. Get out of my way.
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377. No!
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378. Get out of my way, Frank!
Copy !req
379. Hey, man.
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380. What are you guys doing?
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381. I'm begging Liam for forgiveness!
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382. It's time we move on.
Copy !req
383. Liam convinced me it's not
Copy !req
384. our blood that's being tainted.
Copy !req
385. It's us tainting the blood of others.
Copy !req
386. McPoyles will take over the world!
Copy !req
387. Goddamn it! It backfired!
Copy !req
388. Wonderful.
Copy !req
389. And first step towards
that is signing this.
Copy !req
390. So Liam, if you'd just
sign right there, please.
Copy !req
391. Just sign right there.
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392. Go ahead.
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393. You got it.
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394. Stupid asses.
Copy !req
395. One down, one to go. (Laughs)
Copy !req
396. Nice try, Frank.
Copy !req
397. What the hell is going on?
Copy !req
398. Get the hell out of the way.
Copy !req
399. Get out of the way!
Copy !req
400. Jesus Christ!
Copy !req
401. We gotta get out of here.
Copy !req
402. I'm not going anywhere, Frank.
Copy !req
403. I'm not going anywhere till
I get that signature.
Copy !req
404. Go, go, go!
Copy !req
405. Hey, dude, check it out.
Copy !req
406. Remember when Dee, you know,
Copy !req
407. she sucked that bat poison
Copy !req
408. or whatever out of Frank's
head from the vampire bat?
Copy !req
409. Yeah.
Copy !req
410. That must be what turned
her into a zombie.
Copy !req
411. Why would a vampire bat
turn you into a zombie?
Copy !req
412. You're mixing up your horror genres.
Copy !req
413. If anything, it would
turn you into a vampire.
Copy !req
414. Right or a bat, or a bat.
Copy !req
415. Or Batman.
Copy !req
416. No, a vampire turns you into a vampire.
Copy !req
417. A zombie turns you into a zombie
Copy !req
418. and Batman didn't get
turned into anything.
Copy !req
419. He just likes bats.
Copy !req
420. That can't possibly be
what Batman's about.
Copy !req
421. It's about a grown man who
dresses up like a bat?
Copy !req
422. And goes around solving
crimes and mysteries, yes.
Copy !req
423. These are Academy Award winning movies.
Copy !req
424. This is serious stuff.
Copy !req
425. Well, you know the Academy,
Charlie, I mean...
Copy !req
426. I know the Academy as well as anybody.
Copy !req
427. Sometimes, it's atrocious.
Copy !req
428. Well, to bring it all back
Copy !req
429. around, I think when Dee drank
Copy !req
430. the bat blood, that's how she got sick.
Copy !req
431. Frank's blood.
Copy !req
432. Yes, but the bat juices.
Copy !req
433. You know, the bat saliva, bat rabies.
Copy !req
434. No, no, it's not...
Bat rabies, I buy.
Copy !req
435. Bat rabies.
Copy !req
436. Yeah.
Copy !req
437. Like the...
Dude, we got to get out of here.
Copy !req
438. Yeah, go.
Copy !req
439. Things had gotten completely insane.
Copy !req
440. Dennis was trying to get the
signature from Maureen, but we
Copy !req
441. were just trying to get
the hell out of there.
Copy !req
442. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
443. What the hell?
Copy !req
444. Frank, what the hell's going on?
Copy !req
445. Dude, we got to get out of here.
Copy !req
446. Where's Dennis?
Copy !req
447. I lost him.
Copy !req
448. You guys, I couldn't get it.
Copy !req
449. I couldn't get it.
Copy !req
450. She wouldn't sign it.
Copy !req
451. I couldn't get the stupid bitch to sign.
Copy !req
452. She didn't sign?
Copy !req
453. This has all gone bad.
Copy !req
454. It's gone terribly, terribly bad.
Copy !req
455. What did you do?
Copy !req
456. I did something bad.
Copy !req
457. I did something really, really
bad; guys, we got to get out of
Copy !req
458. here before everybody
finds out what happened.
Copy !req
459. Guys, I messed up.
Copy !req
460. I messed up bad.
Copy !req
461. All right, guys, let's
just make a break for it.
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462. Which way?
Copy !req
463. One, two, three, go.
Copy !req
464. Come on, come on, this
way, this way, this way.
Copy !req
465. My face! My face!
Copy !req
466. My face!
Copy !req
467. One, two, three.
Copy !req
468. Oh, God!
Copy !req
469. Frank!
Copy !req
470. Over here, over here.
Copy !req
471. And then that's where you
picked us up, and honestly,
Copy !req
472. that's all that we know.
Copy !req
473. Yes.
Copy !req
474. So you're telling me that this
was a wedding full of zombies?
Copy !req
475. Yeah.
Copy !req
476. Well, bat rabies zombies.
Copy !req
477. Whatever.
Copy !req
478. There was weird incestuous
jealousies, we don't know what
Copy !req
479. was going on.
Copy !req
480. Bottom line, you got the wrong guys.
We're innocent.
Copy !req
481. Yes, we're totally innocent.
Copy !req
482. Marconi, we just picked somebody
up from the site who's
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483. claiming to know what happened.
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484. She was locked in a freezer.
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485. Don't let her in here.
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486. No, she's been infected.
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487. I'm not infected, you stupid idiots.
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488. No one was infected.
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489. Here's what happened.
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490. Let them hash it out themselves.
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491. It'll bust up.
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492. Yeah. (Gasps)
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493. I'm gonna go.
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494. Deandra.
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495. Dee's nuts.
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496. What's the haps?
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497. Here, have a sip, right
from the cow's titty.
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498. You'll love it.
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499. No, Bill, no.
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500. I got to get out of here, okay?
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501. Shit is going crazy.
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502. No, don't go.
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503. Party's just starting.
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504. You got to have some.
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505. Come on, try it.
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506. Come on, it'll loosen you up a
bit, make your butthole hot.
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507. How is drinking a glass of milk
going to loosen me up, Bill?
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508. Well, I spiked the milk with
methylenedioxypyrovalerone.
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509. What?
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510. It's bath salts.
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511. Yeah, yeah, it's like coke and
acid and meth all combined.
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512. It's awesome.
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513. Yeah, I get it.
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514. So everyone here is on bath salts?
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515. Yeah, pretty much.
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516. Oh, my God, just move.
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517. Bath salts?
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518. The drug that makes people
eat each other's faces?
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519. Wait, that would explain
the zombie behavior.
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520. Right, okay, Dee, so you were on
bath salts and that's why you
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521. went all nuts on us.
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522. Now it makes sense.
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523. That is not why I went nuts on you guys.
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524. Huh?
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525. I went nuts on you because of
what you assholes did to my
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526. goddamn car!
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527. Dude, when was the last
time you drove a car?
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528. Don't worry about it, man.
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529. I can drive; I remember how.
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530. What?
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531. No, no, no, no, no.
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532. No, no, no, no, wait.
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533. (screaming): No!
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534. What happened, dude?
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535. What happened?
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536. I forgot how to drive.
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537. I forgot how to drive.
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538. Oh, God.
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539. Oh, look, Charlie, there's Dee.
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540. Dee, don't go down that way.
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541. We just got attacked by a
bunch of zombie people.
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542. The shuttle's gone.
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543. Zombies must have stolen your car.
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544. There's no way out of here.
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545. Dude... (screaming)
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546. You sons of bitches!
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547. You're gonna pay!
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548. You're all gonna pay!
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549. I'll kill you!
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550. You assholes, you'll pay!
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551. No, we won't pay.
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552. We never do.
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553. Okay, well, there it is.
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554. You know, there's the whole story.
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555. Ponderosa spiked the punch.
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556. Somebody hopped up on bath
salts but Liam's face,
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557. and, uh, case closed, you know?
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558. Hey, good for you.
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559. Good for us.
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560. Bye.
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561. Ba-da-bing.
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562. Hey, whoa.
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563. Sit down, slick.
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564. Now that may explain some of the
shit that went on here, but it
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565. doesn't answer the question
of the missing bride.
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566. Since you're the one with
motive and the last one to be
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567. seen with her, you're my new?1 suspect.
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568. No, no. (Scoffs)
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569. That's... I didn't murder her.
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570. Then tell me what happened to her!
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571. I-I don't know.
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572. I don't know.
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573. Listen, if you confess, I
can help you, but you got
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574. to tell me what happened.
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575. Okay, all right, all
right, all right. Okay.
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576. Look, if I tell you what I did,
will you just help me, please?
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577. Because I need help.
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578. I'll see what I can do with the
DA, but I need you to confess.
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579. Okay, fine.
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580. Fine.
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581. I-I was just going to see her to
get the final signature so I
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582. could put this whole thing behind me.
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583. When I saw her...
Something bad happened.
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584. Something very bad.
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585. Oh, shit.
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586. Oh, God, Maureen.
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587. That was terrible.
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588. Who did those tits?
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589. The nipple placement is crazy.
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590. - I love you, Dennis Reynolds.
- No, you don't.
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591. I love you.
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592. No, look, you're just gonna
sign these papers and we're
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593. gonna be done with this, okay?
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594. Never.
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595. Let's run away together.
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596. Oh, I'm gonna run away, but not with you.
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597. I'm gonna find you.
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598. Oh, no, no, you're not
gonna find me, no, no.
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599. We can't do this, Maureen.
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600. Oh, no, please.
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601. What have I done?
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602. Oh, God, what have I done?
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603. (sobbing): Oh, God.
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604. Oh, God!
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605. So all that shit about us
ruining the wedding...
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606. And the zombies and the bath
salts and the blood...
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607. It turns out you blew it yourself.
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608. Yeah, congratulations, Frank.
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609. You win.
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610. I'm gonna be paying alimony to that
crazy bitch for the rest of my life.
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611. You expect me to believe this
woman's gonna throw her entire
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612. life away just to sleep with her
ex-husband on her wedding night?
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613. Huh?
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614. Really?
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615. Mr. Reynolds,
you're free to go.
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616. What?
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617. Why am I free...?
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618. No.
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619. Yes.
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620. No.
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621. Someone posted your bail.
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622. Come on, silly head.
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623. Let's go home and put this
whole adventure behind us.
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624. No.
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625. No!
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626. No!
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627. No, you got to help me.
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628. What have I done?
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629. You got to help me!
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630. What have I done? No! No! No!
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