1. Attention!
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2. Attention, everyone!
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3. Gather round, please!
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4. Gather round!
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5. Mac has a very important announcement!
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6. Because of my sudden and
unfortunate weight loss, the bar
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7. is now in extreme risk.
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8. And as head of security,
this concerns me.
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9. So Mac's made a couple of moves.
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10. And that first move... is this.
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11. Jesus Christ.
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12. Jesus.
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13. Perfect for ocular pat-downs.
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14. Now I can determine a subject's threat
level without him being able to feel my
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15. retinal assessment.
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16. Which is a great advantage because
the guy can't see how scared Mac is.
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17. Yes, and... No, that's not
what it's about. It's not...
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18. Huh? Oh, I thought that you were
scared every time you went to go to...
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19. That's classified!
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20. Look, this whole point is to
make them feel safer, all right?
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21. We don't feel safer.
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22. And, Mac, there will never come a
time where you will need those.
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23. Mark my words, Dennis, there
will come a time when I will
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24. utilize these glasses to
assess a threat and then...
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25. Are they still standing there?
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26. No, they walked away.
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27. My peripheral is a little compromised.
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28. Yeah, you can't see out the sides,
and that's a disadvantage, so...
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29. (sighs): Oh, good... you're all here.
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30. Who invited the Jew lawyer?
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31. Not Jewish.
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32. Hold on, punk.
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33. He's clear.
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34. He's clear.
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35. You know, I-I really do not
understand you people.
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36. You know, it's funny, most of
the time I'm trying to get away
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37. from you, and yet when I really
need to get in touch with you,
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38. I can't get you to
return my phone calls.
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39. Mmm, don't need you, don't care.
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40. Eh... out you go.
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41. Lovely.
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42. As the executor of your mother's
estate, I'm here to inform you
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43. that her father, Heinrich
Landgraf, has fallen into a coma.
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44. Pop-Pop?
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45. He's being kept alive by a respirator.
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46. As per the will, the only
living blood relatives, the
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47. ever-charming Dee and Dennis
Reynolds are the only people
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48. empowered to decide whether or
not he stays on those machines.
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49. Are you saying that we have to
decide whether that old Nazi
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50. bitch lives or dies?
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51. There's that charm.
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52. That is correct.
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53. I'll await your decision.
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54. Pop-Pop's room's right down here.
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55. How do you know, Frank?
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56. I come here every week and feed
him soup, take care of him.
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57. That's nice of you, you know?
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58. Help a man keep his dignity
in his final years.
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59. Somebody's got to do it.
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60. Oh! Oh! Oh!
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61. Oh, Jesus Christ!
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62. Ugh!
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63. I didn't have a chance to tidy.
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64. T... Tidy?
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65. Frank, the man is rotting.
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66. Oh, God, why hasn't someone
done something in here?
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67. I told the staff I got it.
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68. You don't got it.
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69. You don't have it at all.
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70. Yeah, what is the overwhelming smell?
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71. Oh, that's the soup.
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72. Yeah, well, if he doesn't
finish, sometimes I leave 'em
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73. for him, and then I forget
and then months go by.
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74. Jesus Christ, Frank, what the
hell is really going on here?
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75. Look, the guy always said he had
Nazi treasure stashed away.
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76. I figure I spend some time
with him, he gives it to me.
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77. All right, well, pretty good plan;
Execution leaves a lot to be desired.
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78. Okay, well, speaking of
execution, we're just gonna pull
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79. the plug on this creep and
get out of here, right?
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80. Whoa. Whoa, h-hold on a second,
Dee, I mean, that's a big decision.
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81. How so?
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82. We're talking about
taking a man's life.
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83. Yeah, but he was a Nazi, so
it's kind of, like, eh...
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84. Well, yeah, I get that, but, I
mean, he was our grandfather.
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85. Okay, maybe we got to think
this through a little bit more.
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86. Yeah.
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87. Oh, my God, make a decision already!
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88. (gasps): Are you eating the soup?
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89. Is he eating the soup?
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90. Yes.
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91. I'm sorry. I was hungry.
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92. I made a decision to eat the soup.
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93. I didn't sit around thinking
all day, "Hey, do I do this?"
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94. Do I not do this?"
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95. We are making a decision about
whether or not to take a
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96. man's life, not whether or
not to eat old rancid soups.
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97. Okay, listen, I think we just
need to gather a little bit more
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98. information before we
make our decision, right?
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99. Yeah, you guys think it
over, think it over.
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100. Mac, can you come here for a second?
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101. What?
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102. All Frank's talk about Nazi treasure...
got me thinking about something.
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103. Okay, you remember that box of stuff
Pop-Pop gave me a few years ago?
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104. It was, like, all this old stuff,
Nazi shit that he got from the war?
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105. (distorted): Holy shit!
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106. Yeah. Didn't we burn
that all in the alley?
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107. Not all of it.
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108. There was a painting in that
box, a very special dog painting
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109. that I mounted on my wall.
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110. You and my dad share this futon?
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111. Now, Frank hated this
painting, you know?
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112. He made me take it down.
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113. I do not like this painting, Charlie.
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114. Its smug aura mocks me.
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115. It's evil, Charlie.
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116. (echoes): Evil.
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117. And it's been in that box ever since.
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118. (slurps): Uh-huh. So what?
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119. By the way, man, this is why we
work well together, you know?
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120. You see free soup, you
make a decision to eat it.
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121. It's horrible.
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122. It's terrible soup, but we got to
stick with our decisions, right?
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123. Yeah, I can't go back on it now.
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124. No, no. All right, anyway... do
you think that that painting
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125. could've been the Nazi treasure
that Frank's looking for?
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126. Mm. I've made a decision.
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127. Yes.
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128. Yes, right?
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129. Yeah.
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130. Okay. You got to help me find it.
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131. Let's slip out of here
so they don't notice.
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132. Okay. They're standing two
feet away from us, so they are
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133. gonna notice, but let's just run
out of here; they'll think we
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134. made a quick decision to leave.
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135. Damn it, dude!
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136. All right, I remember exactly
what happened, all right?
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137. Frank took it down, told me to
get rid of it; I stashed it away
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138. somewhere, but then what-what
happened to it from there,
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139. I don't know.
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140. Hey, Charlie, come here.
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141. Dude, you got to check this out.
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142. Look at all these old photos of
Hitler with German shepherds.
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143. Oh, holy shit.
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144. Yeah. But check this out.
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145. Oh, my God!
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146. Yeah. Hitler painted German
shepherds all the time.
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147. He was, like, obsessed.
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148. Dude, I'm thinking that maybe
that painting could be...
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149. An original Hitler.
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150. Yes!
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151. Yeah!
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152. Holy shit, dude, this is huge!
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153. We are gonna become
famous treasure hunters.
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154. I'm thinking, Hollywood is gonna
make a Da Vinci Code style
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155. thriller about us!
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156. I can finally be Indiana Jones!
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157. Yeah, yeah, and then I
get it back on my wall!
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158. Yeah. Well, we're not gonna
put it back up on your wall.
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159. It'll probably go in a museum.
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160. What? No-no-no-no-no.
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161. It looks so good here.
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162. It belongs in a museum, and
that's the end of this.
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163. Okay, you know what,
can you call Frank?
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164. Because he's gonna
remember the details.
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165. I knew that I stashed it away
somewhere, but it's-it's gone.
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166. I can't find it.
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167. Do we have to involve Frank?
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168. You know what, yeah, we'll just
tiptoe around the language.
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169. I'll play it cool.
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170. Just play it cool.
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171. (grunting): Mac!
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172. Hey, Frank.
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173. Where are you?
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174. You sound strained.
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175. I'm stuck in a window
over at Pop-Pop's house.
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176. I got to find this treasure.
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177. Treasure, what treasure?
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178. I don't even know what you're talking about.
There probably is no treasure.
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179. I'll bet you there's no
treasure, so you can just stop
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180. looking for the treasure, okay,
'cause there's no treasure.
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181. Hey, man, you know where that,
um, worthless old dog painting
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182. that you had hanging up in your apartment...
do you know where that might be?
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183. The dog painting? Oh!
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184. That was evil.
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185. I threw that thing out.
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186. I'm pretty sure I saw Cricket
scampering away with it.
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187. Cricket?
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188. Hey, listen, Mac.
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189. You do me a favor.
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190. I'm really stuck in this window.
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191. Will you come and get me?
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192. Okay, nice.
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193. We got to get Cricket.
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194. I know just where to find him.
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195. Dust is a nice touch.
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196. Yes. I don't like you wearing
the glasses, though.
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197. They're supposed to assess a threat.
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198. Oh, Cricket could be a threat.
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199. No, I have cleared him
on multiple occasions.
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200. Here we go. Hello!
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201. Hey, Cricks.
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202. Dog pound, huh? Weird.
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203. Wow.
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204. Oh!
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205. Ugh. Ooh.
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206. Oh, Jesus Christ, that's gruesome.
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207. Yeah, I got into a skirmish
with a stray chocolate lab.
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208. I won't go into details, but suffice to
say, that dog is very paralyzed now.
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209. Anyway, they got me doing this,
uh, this community service thing.
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210. Yeah, but I'm kind of a dog
executioner, so, uh, looks like
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211. old Cricket got the last laugh.
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212. Wow.
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213. Yeah.
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214. You're putting the dogs down?
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215. Well, uh, no.
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216. You know, yeah, mostly just, you
know, cleaning up the poops, you
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217. know, washing out their
cages, that kind of thing.
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218. Ah. Sounds like you're
a dog janitor then.
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219. Yeah, that's more like
they got the last laugh.
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220. Cricks, Frank said you know
something about a dog painting
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221. that he threw away that you
might have scampered off with.
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222. Yeah, worthless dog painting.
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223. Yeah, yeah, dog painting, sure, yeah.
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224. Oh, very evil vibes.
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225. Yeah, I sold it.
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226. To who?
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227. Hmm? Oh, some guy.
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228. You know, he's coming down here,
he's all bent out of shape, you
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229. know, that he had to put
down his German shepherd.
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230. Well, I notice his dog looks just
like the one in the painting.
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231. I see an opportunity.
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232. Make three bucks. Ba-da-boom!
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233. Wait.
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234. He's cool. He's not a threat.
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235. Phew!
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236. I know he's not a threat!
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237. I told you, I've assessed him...
I've just cleared him.
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238. You are not using the glasses correctly,
and it's driving me crazy, okay?
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239. I thought I used it.
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240. Could you tell how scared I was?
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241. No, I could not. I could not.
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242. Mara?
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243. Uh, yeah, boss.
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244. Got a mastiff in here, just
had explosive diarrhea.
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245. I've never seen anything like it.
Get your ass in here.
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246. Come on.
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247. Hello? Somebody there?
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248. Help me out of here!
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249. I'm stuck! I can't get out of here!
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250. Frank? What is happening?
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251. What are you doing?
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252. I'm trapped.
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253. That goddamn trunk is booby-trapped.
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254. It's not booby-trapped, Frank; it's an
empty trunk, and you fell into it like a.
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255. Weeble wobble.
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256. Let's go. Come on.
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257. Jesus!
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258. Oh! Oh! Oh!
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259. Oh, God.
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260. Frank, there's no point in you
looking for a treasure, okay?
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261. If there's anything of value in
this house, we are the ones who
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262. inherit it once he dies.
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263. You're wasting your time.
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264. I mean, it's crazy.
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265. Dennis, check out these old
films... "New Years '74,".
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266. "Thanksgiving '68."
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267. Way.
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268. "Summer Camp '81."
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269. '81? Oh, that's us.
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270. That's our summer camp.
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271. Yeah, that's us. Yeah.
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272. Fire that up.
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273. I want to check that out.
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274. Oh, see, Frank, Dee and I have
been talking, and I don't think
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275. we're gonna... I don't think
we're gonna off Pop-Pop.
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276. You know, I mean, yeah, sure,
the guy's got a little bit of a
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277. sordid past, absolutely, but you know,
everybody deserves a second chance.
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278. Yeah, he was just following orders.
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279. You know what I mean?
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280. Yeah. Let's not try and justify why
a man would join the Nazis and...
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281. Right. Right, right, right,
yeah, I see what you're saying.
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282. 'Cause that's gonna get us too far away from...
We won't be able to...
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283. the point that we're
trying to make, which is that
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284. the man moved to America, you know, to
put all that horrible shit behind him.
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285. Right. Right.
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286. And he wanted to turn his life around,
and that's what he did, Frank.
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287. He turned his life around.
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288. People do that.
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289. People do that. Exactly.
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290. Oh, here we go. Look at me.
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291. Oh!
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292. Oh, God, you remember that car?
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293. Yes.
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294. Oh, look at those two little rug rats.
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295. Oh, I was so cute!
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296. Oh, man, and look at Pop...
Look at how sweet he is!
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297. Yeah, God, he was a sweet guy.
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298. This is great.
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299. That's the camp.
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300. Oh, we loved it there.
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301. God, it's... it's all
flooding back to me now.
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302. Did we wear those uniforms?
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303. I don't remember those. Do you?
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304. I don't remember that.
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305. But yeah, see if there's sound.
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306. I want to... I'd like
to pop some sound on.
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307. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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308. Look at this guy.
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309. Remember this guy? Ah.
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310. I totally remember that guy.
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311. He was always so jazzed
up about everything.
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312. He was so excited, and he would get
us all excited, do you remember that?
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313. Get the whole crowd jazzed
up, the whole camp.
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314. Here we go.
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315. That is why it is so important
that we all must unify.
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316. The more we come together,
the stronger we become.
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317. Now, listen close, kids.
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318. These goddamn niggers and Jews
are trying to take over this
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319. country, and we've got to take it back!
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320. Oops.
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321. Yeah.
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322. That just took a turn.
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323. Sieg heil!
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324. Sieg heil! Sieg heil!
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325. Oh, that's us.
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326. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm doing that.
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327. Sieg heil! Sieg heil! Sieg...
Okay, that settles it.
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328. Let's fry this turkey.
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329. Yes.
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330. All set?
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331. Ready?
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332. Whoa, whoa, hang on.
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333. Hang on a second.
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334. Are you sure you want to watch him die?
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335. What do you mean, watch him die?
We have to watch him die?
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336. Well, you do something like
pull the plug, and you got to
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337. stay there until the lights go out.
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338. You know, maybe we need to
experience that on a smaller
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339. scale first, and just kind
of see how we feel about it?
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340. Kill something less important first.
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341. See what that does inside.
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342. Move up.
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343. I have an idea.
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344. You want to watch a dog get put down?
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345. Yeah, we want to see how it feels.
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346. Great. I got just the one.
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347. Ah, I feel like we
need to pick the dog.
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348. You know what I mean?
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349. 'Cause we need to feel the
full weight of the decision.
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350. Mm-hmm.
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351. Okay, fine.
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352. No.
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353. Oh, no.
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354. Come on. No.
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355. Uh... no.
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356. Oh. No!
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357. Oh. Come on, guy. No!
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358. Pick me?
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359. What?
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360. Put me down! Pick me!
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361. I deserve it.
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362. Okay. New plan.
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363. We're doing the right thing, Dennis.
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364. We're not killers.
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365. You know what I mean?
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366. No, we have to think
about ourselves here.
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367. I don't want to live with
pulling the plug on somebody.
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368. No. Let's just let Pop-Pop and
Cricket and these dogs die
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369. as nature intended.
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370. Slowly and painfully.
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371. Mm-hmm.
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372. All right.
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373. All right, guys.
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374. Here we go.
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375. All right, everybody.
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376. Go, get out of here.
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377. Go and be free. Go and be free.
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378. Oh, we're all free.
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379. There we go.
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380. Go on.
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381. We're all free. Yeah.
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382. I'm one of you guys.
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383. All right, so this is the address.
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384. All right.
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385. This is the spot, huh?
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386. Here.
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387. Okay. "Bret Da Lawyer,
a Denial Correlation."
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388. What does that mean?
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389. Pretty good. That's close.
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390. It's "Brett DeLauter, a
Dental Corporation."
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391. Guy's a dentist.
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392. Huh. All right, let's check it out.
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393. Yeah.
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394. Whoa.
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395. Wow.
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396. Oh, shit.
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397. Mac, look. There it is.
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398. Oh.
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399. Holy shit, this dentist must have
gone insane after his dog died.
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400. I mean, look at this.
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401. Charlie, I'm beginning to think
that we may have stumbled
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402. onto one of the greatest
discoveries of modern times.
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403. Follow me here.
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404. What if the key to Adolf
Hitler's madness was the death
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405. of his dog?
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406. What?
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407. Okay, when he was a kid, he had
this little, sweet, little
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408. puppy, and he was the happiest
chap in all of Germany.
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409. Right, "I love chocolate.
I love my dogs."
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410. Yeah, but then his beloved pet
was ripped from him, and he
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411. "was like, " That's it.
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412. I'm totally going to kill
everybody, take over the world."
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413. That is what happened.
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414. I mean, that's definitely
what happened.
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415. Oh, hi, you must be Mr.
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416. Miller.
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417. No.
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418. Yeah.
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419. Ready for those braces?
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420. Yeah, but I wanted the...
Yeah, we can go in.
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421. Yeah.
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422. We can pop in real quick.
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423. Yep.
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424. Dude, I'm telling you, this
is like The Da Vinci Code.
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425. Oh, man, I wonder who's
going to play me.
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426. I was thinking maybe Mark Wahlberg.
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427. What do you think?
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428. Hmm, no, you're right, he
couldn't match my intensity.
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429. Ryan Gosling... it's locked in.
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430. It's gonna be Ryan Gosling.
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431. I can't wait to get that
painting back up on my wall.
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432. You know what I mean?
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433. That's what this is really all
about when you think about it.
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434. No, that's not what this is about.
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435. This is about ripping open the
fabric of historical fact and
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436. making a film about it
starring Ryan Gosling as Mac.
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437. Okay, well, I'll play Hitler, then.
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438. That'd be cool.
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439. What are you talking about?
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440. I play Hitler in the movie.
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441. Okay, Hitler's not even in it.
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442. It takes place in present day.
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443. Oh, it could be a time-
traveling thing.
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444. I see what you're saying.
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445. So then Hitler comes back from
the past, he joins us on our
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446. adventure, we go on a
big caper together.
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447. There's no, there's no
time travel in this movie.
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448. It's gonna be a classic
like Citizen Kane.
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449. Time travel movies are classic.
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450. This is gonna be... this is...
You're driving me... oh, my God.
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451. What?
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452. Mac, I need you to convince
Dennis and Deandra not to pull
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453. the plug on Pop-Pop.
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454. Why?
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455. Because I haven't found
his treasure yet.
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456. I need more time.
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457. Okay, Frank, here's the deal.
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458. Pop-Pop does have treasure, and
I'll let you in on it if you
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459. help me because Charlie
is driving me bananas.
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460. He's becoming a threat
to this whole operation.
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461. Then you're going to have to
take him out of the picture.
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462. Get rid of him.
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463. Yes, sir.
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464. Hey, Charlie, you know, I was
thinking, maybe you could play.
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465. Hitler.
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466. Of course.
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467. I think you've got the range.
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468. I know I do, Mac.
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469. And I think you're right.
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470. I mean, the leader of the Third
Reich defying laws of physics to
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471. join us in our present-day
adventure... that makes sense.
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472. It's a better movie.
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473. Good call.
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474. Yeah, I've also decided to direct.
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475. Mm-hmm, let's lock that in.
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476. Yeah, is that...?
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477. What is... what are you doing?
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478. Why are you doing that?
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479. Hmm?
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480. Oh, I am so happy that you
have decided to end this.
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481. As soon as we get this little
issue resolved, I'll no longer
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482. have a legal obligation
to deal with you.
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483. Yeah, it's not really resolved, I think,
in the sense that you were hoping for.
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484. No.
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485. When we said we were gonna end
this, we didn't mean "kill."
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486. Not end it.
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487. What are you talking about?
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488. We're not going to do it.
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489. We're not going to do it.
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490. We, we don't want a man's
death on our hands.
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491. Okay, listen, you don't want
the man's blood on your hands,
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492. you don't want to give the
order, then, fine, I'll give.
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493. Just grant me power of attorney,
and I'll give the order myself.
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494. You would do that?
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495. Oh, absolutely.
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496. Let's do it.
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497. Perfect.
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498. I'm telling you, Frank,
Gosling has got to be the one
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499. because he's the only one
that can handle my intensity.
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500. God, you're obsessed with Ryan Gosling.
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501. Well, no, I just think... Charlie?
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502. Mac, you know the best thing
about time travel movies?
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503. They're full of surprises.
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504. Oh.
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505. Beautiful painting you've got there.
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506. Too bad it's the wrong one.
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507. Huh?
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508. That's not... this is the painting.
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509. You got the wrong painting.
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510. I don't know, they look exactly alike.
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511. Silence, fools.
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512. This has gone on long enough.
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513. This painting clearly
causes madness in men.
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514. And it must be destroyed.
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515. Charlie, no, no
destroying that painting.
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516. That's a piece of history.
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517. That's the key to Hitler's madness.
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518. Oh, this?
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519. Come on.
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520. I painted this.
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521. What?
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522. I painted it and I loved it,
so I saw an opportunity to get
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523. it back, but now I'm realizing
that this painting is making us
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524. all crazy... crazy.
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525. Hitler's painting, the key to
the Holocaust, Ryan Gosling
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526. playing you?
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527. Ridiculous.
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528. This has to end now, and so
I have the final solution.
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529. I'm going to burn this painting
and you can't stop me.
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530. We won't.
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531. What?
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532. Dude, if that's not an original
Hitler, then who gives a shit?
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533. Yeah.
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534. Oh, yeah, all right.
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535. Did you like my whole, my whole
thing I was doing there?
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536. Huh?
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537. I need final verbal confirmation.
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538. Yes, just do it already.
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539. Wow, what an asshole, huh, Doctor?
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540. You are killing a man.
You know that, right?
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541. There's a lot of mercy
in this decision.
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542. I commend it.
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543. Oh, you commend... well, you
know, I mean, technically we
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544. gave the order to him to,
to give to you, so...
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545. Yeah, if you feel like
commending... if you're in the
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546. mood for commending, you could...
Right, if you're gonna throw
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547. some commendations around, you know, just...
We'll take 'em.
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548. Okay.
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549. Wow.
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550. Uh-oh, here we go.
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551. What is that?
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552. Uh, he seems to be
breathing on his own.
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553. That happens sometimes.
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554. Uh, how long until he's
not breathing on his own?
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555. Until he perishes?
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556. Right.
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557. Could be months, weeks, days.
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558. Who knows?
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559. He's a fighter, this one.
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560. Son of a bitch.
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561. Well, if you'll excuse me,
we've had an incredible amount
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562. of stray dog attacks all over the
city, so our E.R. is slammed.
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563. Hmm.
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564. Well, you know what?
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565. It's okay, let's go.
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566. He had nothing of value
to leave us anyway.
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567. Yeah, come on.
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568. Well, actually he did.
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569. Burn, baby, burn.
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570. Dude, I'm still psyched
about this movie.
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571. Okay, the ending needs a little
bit of work 'cause nobody cares
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572. about an original Charlie Kelly.
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573. Well, it's not an original, you know.
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574. I just painted over one of the
old paintings that he gave me,
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575. so... Who?
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576. Pop-Pop.
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577. So Pop-Pop did give you the painting?
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578. Well, it was in the box of
junk that he gave me, but it's
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579. just trash.
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580. That's an even worse ending.
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581. It's so complicated.
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582. I can't even follow the goddamn story.
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583. I-I don't care. Dude, Gosling.
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584. Gosling will not play you!
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