1. Damn it, damn it, damn it! This is
such a stupid goddamn situation.
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2. We've got to get out of here,
Dennis. We have got to get out of here.
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3. We need a plan. Okay, well, plan one
is for you to lower your goddamn voice.
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4. This is as low as I go, okay?
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5. I say we bum-rush her and
choke her out with her own belt.
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6. Dee, you're escalating shit.
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7. This is exactly what I'm talking about.
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8. We immediately escalate
everything to a 10. It's ridiculous.
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9. I mean, somebody comes in with
some preposterous plan or idea,
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10. and then all of a sudden,
everybody's on the gas.
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11. Nobody's on the brakes.
Nobody's thinking.
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12. Everybody's just talking over each
other with one idiotic idea after another,
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13. until finally, we find
ourselves in a situation
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14. where we've broken into somebody's
house, and the homeowner is home.
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15. Yes, yes.
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16. I'm sick of it, Dee. Okay.
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17. We can't do this anymore. Okay.
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18. We've got to examine our process.
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19. Fine. I'm on board with that. But right
now I'm trying to come up with solutions.
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20. If you don't want
to choke her out, we won't.
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21. But you need to help me come up
with a plan. This is breaking and entering.
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22. Oh, my God.
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23. Dee, your breath is hideous.
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24. I mean, it smells bad. Okay. Okay.
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25. Oh, my God. We are really
in over our heads this time.
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26. I'm saying this was a
totally avoidable situation.
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27. I know. I know I'm not innocent
in all this, okay?
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28. I know I shouldn't have stood on that
table and given that awesome speech
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29. about how I was the
perfect one to lead us
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30. into the house because
of my wonderful grace.
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31. I know that. I regret that now.
It was a very persuasive speech.
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32. Oh, she's packing a suitcase.
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33. I definitely regret you getting
quadruple onions on your burger.
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34. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was
going to be trapped in a closet
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35. with you for the afternoon.
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36. I definitely regret being dragged
along into this whole thing.
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37. For what purpose
would you have been dragged?
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38. You nosed your way into this
like you do with everything.
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39. You are nothing but
liabilities, Dee. Oh, come on.
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40. Loud voice, breath reeks. Nosy.
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41. Oh, she's leaving. She's leaving.
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42. She's gone.
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43. Okay, okay. I'm gonna
call Mac and Charlie. Okay.
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44. - Guys, come in. Are you there?
- Yes, Extraction Team.
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45. What is your status? Have
you recovered the artifact yet?
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46. No. We are off the artifact plan.
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47. We are not doing
the artifact plan anymore.
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48. It is a stupid plan.
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49. Negative, negative.
It is an awesome plan, okay?
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50. This family should not have the
artifact. It belongs in a museum.
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51. Belongs in a museum, bro.
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52. Adults should not be making plans
that are based on dumb movies!
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53. Excuse me? Indiana
Jones is a dumb movie?
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54. I-I like the first one. Oh, God.
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55. I like him as a character.
Oh, God, come on.
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56. Okay, listen. It's not about that.
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57. I'm just saying that
the plan was genuinely dumb,
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58. as many of our plans are, I now realize.
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59. What about your whole speech
about "I have the grace of a falcon,
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60. and I'll be in and out
like a demon's whisper"?
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61. Dude, you stood up on
your chair in that burger
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62. restaurant and said that
speech for everybody.
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63. It was a damn good speech. It was
very persuasive. But I regret it now.
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64. I gotta pee. No.
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65. Wait, wait. Dee... Dee,
what-what are you doing?
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66. She could come back in here
at any moment. Well, what
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67. Indiana Jones, part four, was dumb.
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68. - I'll give you that.
- I wouldn't even count it.
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69. I'm gonna say Temple of
Doom's out for me, as well.
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70. Is it out for you? That's also dumb.
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71. I liked that one.
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72. Guys, can we talk about this later?
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73. Frank, let's go. We're bailing.
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74. I ain't going nowhere
until I get that vase.
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75. Forget about the vase, Frank.
We're bailing on the vase, okay?
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76. Frank's right actually, okay?
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77. We gotta think about
what's best for the vase.
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78. Yes, we are men of honor who protect
artifacts from those who steal them.
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79. What? You didn't give a shit
about artifacts two hours ago.
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80. So what? Now we do. Yeah.
What's that have to do with anything?
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81. Well, we should not be committing crimes
based on beliefs that are two hours old.
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82. Well, then don't read us newspaper articles
about stolen artifacts that outrage us.
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83. That article was about how the museum
is holding an auction to raise money, okay?
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84. Nothing was stolen.
The vase is not stolen.
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85. As a matter of fact,
only if we follow through
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86. with this plan will the vase be stolen.
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87. Well, you were the ones who escalated
us off of being the Extraction Team.
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88. We could have gotten
in and out of there.
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89. Well, escalate your way
back in, for all I give a shit.
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90. I'm leaving. I quit. Me too.
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91. Well, I'm still in. Living on the
edge. It's making me feel alive.
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92. Shh!
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93. See? Now, Frank, that is why
you are on the Extraction Team.
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94. Frank's got the attitude. Dennis
has the grace. Dee nosed in.
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95. - She nosed in.
- Dee was dragged.
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96. Oh, shit. Extraction Team, there is an
S.U.V. pulling up in front of the house.
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97. - There is a man getting out.
- Okay, I cannot see the driver's face,
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98. but the subject appears to have
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99. pointed feet of some kind.
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100. Okay, I'm repeating here.
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101. He has pointed feet, so careful now.
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102. What does that mean?
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103. He's wearing cowboy boots.
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104. Okay, yes, I'm seeing now
that they are cowboy...
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105. His feet could be pointed
on the inside, so let's be...
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106. They're definitely not pointed on
the inside. How do you know that?
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107. How do you know that?
They're definitely not.
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108. I guess I can't say for sure.
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109. - You don't know for sure.
- Sweetheart?
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110. - You home?
- Up here, darlin'!
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111. Is she coming back up
here? Why is she coming
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112. back up here? Oh,
shit, back in the closet.
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113. Yippee-i-ki-yay.
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114. Hurry.
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115. Oh, oh, oh, oh. What the hell?
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116. Oh. I just saw her put
the vase in the suitcase.
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117. What? No. We can barely even
tell if that's a person and a suitcase.
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118. I have to pee so bad.
Deandra, your breath is dog shit.
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119. I know.
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120. What are you doing home?
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121. I got a call from the alarm company.
They said it was the house.
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122. - This is bad.
- Oh, I must have set if off.
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123. I just popped by to grab a jacket.
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124. I told you it'd be chilly.
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125. Yeah, you're always
right about that, honey.
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126. - Well, I got an appointment, you know.
- - Oh, yeah.
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127. I'm heading back to the office.
Bye, sugar.
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128. Bye. What the hell was that?
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129. Very strange. That was close.
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130. Give me a chip. No,
no. These are my chips.
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131. You don't get a chip.
What's going on in there?
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132. Basically, these people are
Southern, and the lady lied to the man.
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133. Are they gone? I don't
know. Let's just quietly get out.
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134. It's vase time, bitches.
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135. What? No, no, no, no.
What are you doing, Frank?
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136. We are in a very
dangerous situation here.
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137. These people are from the South.
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138. That's weird. People from the
South don't usually move up north.
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139. Oh, no, they come up. These
carpetbaggers come up by the truckload
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140. just to steal our artifacts.
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141. Carpetbaggers, huh? Yeah.
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142. Give me a chip. No, you
don't get chips, Charlie!
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143. God only knows what these
people will do to us if they catch us.
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144. These Southerners, they probably
pray for a home invasion every single day.
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145. They can't wait to get
their hands on home invaders,
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146. so they can blast 'em with shotguns,
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147. and do God knows what to them, Frank.
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148. We'll be lucky if the only thing
that happens is we go to jail.
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149. We have got to go.
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150. If some hillbilly comes up to
me, I'm gonna lash him in the face.
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151. No, Frank. They are
always armed to the teeth.
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152. They will hog-tie us and hang us out
on the front lawn or burn us on a cross.
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153. You're right, man. You got to be careful.
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154. Anytime you find out some dude's got
a crazy torture basement or something,
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155. it's someone from the South.
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156. It always is. Extraction Team,
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157. go down to the basement and see if
it's some kind of crazy type dungeon.
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158. Yeah, yeah. Dungeons and tons of
guns and... Dude, please give me a chip.
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159. You're not getting a
chip, okay? Come on!
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160. Leave me alone with the chips!
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161. If you wanted chips, you could've
gotten a bag at the hamburger store.
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162. Don't ask me again! I can't
listen to this shit anymore.
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163. Ooh! Ah! Hmm.
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164. Q-tip holder. Shit.
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165. Oh, problem solved.
Can we just get out of here?
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166. Wait, wait. Hold on. You need to see this.
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167. Dee, you are nosing in. Nip it in the bud.
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168. A whole bunch of tickets
to The Jay Leno Show.
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169. Who cares? Listen to me.
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170. Who wants to see Jay Leno
15, 16 times?
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171. No one. No one wants to
see him once. At all, right?
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172. I got a theory.
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173. She's bangin' Leno. She's
having an affair with Leno.
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174. Frank, if she was bangin' Jay Leno,
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175. why would she have to buy a
bunch of tickets to his show?
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176. That's stupid, Frank. Use your
head. I've got an idea though.
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177. She's trying to kill him. She's still
very upset about the whole Conan thing.
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178. Oh, my God! That's it. She's icing Leno.
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179. She's packing her suitcase. She's
sneaking away from her husband.
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180. Listen to me. These are
the theories of lunatics!
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181. Okay. We have got
to get out of here now.
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182. Yes, he's right. Let's go. No.
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183. Back off, bitch.
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184. I ain't leaving until I get that vase.
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185. - Stop it!
- Stop it.
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186. He's gonna hurt himself. Never
should have let him have that whip.
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187. For God's sake, let's just get
out of here. Let's go. Come on.
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188. Okay, I think the back door's this way.
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189. Dee, you gangly, uncoordinated bitch,
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190. I am not getting hog-tied
over your lack of grace.
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191. I hope they hog-tie you.
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192. And then I hope they rape you
in their basement for 10 years.
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193. Dee, listen to me.
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194. I'm telling you, I have a
weird feeling about this.
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195. If he just randomly comes home
with some story about the alarm,
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196. he knows something.
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197. Look, we should just do it now.
Pull the trigger.
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198. Pull the trigger? What does that mean?
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199. Who is she talking to? What is she
talking about pulling the trigger on?
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200. I don't know. I mean, until now,
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201. I was thinking this Southern
violence talk was just bullshit.
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202. It was just an escalation
of some kind. Mm-hmm.
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203. But now I think it might not be,
you know what I mean? Mm-mmm.
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204. Who is she talking to right now?
Who is that person?
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205. They're gonna pull the trigger
on somebody? Jesus Christ.
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206. I only ask because I think knowing
this might help us get out of this mess.
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207. You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm.
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208. What is going on with you, Dee? You should
be nosing into this like crazy right now.
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209. I can't hold it anymore. What?
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210. The toilet's right behind you, so
I'm just gonna go ahead and pee in it.
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211. Oh, no, no.
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212. You are just gonna intentionally
spray DNA all over the crime scene.
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213. I'm not gonna spray anything anywhere.
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214. Are you not familiar with how a
woman urinates? Yes, I am, Dee,
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215. but you cannot flush the toilet.
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216. It's going to make too much noise.
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217. Then you're just gonna have
a bowlful of evidence.
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218. You've got a really good point,
but I'm gonna do it anyway,
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219. so it's happening.
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220. Watch me. Oh, my God.
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221. You are all liabilities. Why did you
nose your way into this? I hate you.
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222. I'm gonna go find Mac and Charlie,
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223. so they can create a diversion
so we can get the hell out of here.
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224. Don't pee with me in the room!
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225. Right now, yeah. Go ahead and go.
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226. Oh, thank you, God.
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227. Mac. Charlie. Come in.
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228. Mac. Charlie.
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229. I'm telling you, Charlie,
the situation is out of control.
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230. Let's just get out of here
while we still can.
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231. Without the guys?
Oh, they're as good as dead.
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232. There's no telling what those
Southern people are gonna do to them.
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233. You're right, man. Know what? We
should just get the hell out of here.
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234. I mean out of
Philadelphia. We should just
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235. drive and drive and
drive and not look back.
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236. We should go to Arizona
and open up that imported
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237. leather shop that we've
always talked about.
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238. Oh, my God, the leathers. Yes.
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239. The tasseled leathers, the
turquoise studs on the leathers.
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240. All the leather. Yeah.
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241. Do you have the keys on
you? Yeah, let's get the keys.
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242. Let's get out of here.
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243. Hey, hey, hey, hey. I heard all that.
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244. Were you holding down the
button? It was an accident.
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245. I wasn't... It was just sort of a reflex.
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246. You're always holding
that thing down, and...
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247. Sorry, Extraction Team. We were
having a... a leather conversation.
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248. Doesn't really... Hey, um,
what's the status on the vase?
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249. Do not take off on us!
I repeat, do not take off on us.
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250. Leather shop in Arizona?
Are you serious?
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251. There are far too many leather
shops in Arizona as it is.
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252. You would be out of business
in a week's time.
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253. What did you expect us to do?
You got us all freaked out in here,
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254. sitting here waiting for the
Southerners to tie us up to horses,
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255. and then have them run in
opposite directions, ripping us apart!
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256. Yeah! How are we not
supposed to fantasize
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257. about opening up imported
leather shops in Arizona?
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258. Yeah. Give me a chip. No,
you're not getting the chips!
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259. The chips are off the table, okay?
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260. I want a chip! Give me a
chip. Don't bring up the chips.
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261. He wants chips, and I asked
him in the store. You were there.
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262. "Charlie, do you want a bag of
chips?" "No, I don't want chips."
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263. If you wanted any goddamn chips,
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264. you should have gotten a
goddamn chip at the hamburger shop!
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265. Stop. Calm down. Calm down. Listen.
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266. We need the two of
you to create a diversion
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267. so that we can sneak out of the house.
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268. She just flushed the toilet.
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269. Yeah, fine. It's just... Fine.
I'm just hungry.
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270. We'll do a diversion. Oh,
shit, I just thought of something.
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271. What?
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272. What if this vase is cursed, okay?
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273. Maybe that's why things
aren't going well, right?
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274. If this vase has a curse on it,
you do not want to touch it.
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275. I repeat, do not touch
this vase if you see it.
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276. Pick it up with, like... You know what?
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277. Get a bag of sand of some sort and...
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278. Get... Get Dee to touch it. Is
Dee there? If you find Dee...
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279. Are you still talking about the
vase? The vase is not cursed.
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280. It's from the 1800s.
It was a time of science.
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281. Jesus, Dee, why did you flush the toilet?
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282. Well, you had me all freaked out
about spray and DNA evidence.
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283. What's going on with Mac and Charlie?
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284. I can't get them to stay focused.
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285. They keep escalating the
conversation into evil curses,
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286. and opening leather shops in Arizona.
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287. A leather shop in Arizona? Yeah.
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288. They'd be out of business in a
week's time. That's exactly what I said.
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289. We need to split 'em up.
That's a good idea.
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290. How do you propose we do
that? Hey, Charlie. Hey, it's Dee.
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291. Listen. How come Mac's the only one
who gets to push the button on the walkie?
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292. Uh...
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293. Let me get back to you on that.
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294. Where are you guys?
I'm in a little girl's room.
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295. Frank, get back here. Mac and
Charlie are gonna do a diversion.
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296. No way. The little bitch has got
a suitcase. I'll bet the vase is in it.
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297. No, no, I doubt that. Yeah, yeah.
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298. At this point, I doubt that this is even
the family mentioned in the article.
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299. Frilly little dress, pink nightie.
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300. Holy hell!
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301. There's a teddy bear and it's
got something hard in it.
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302. I'll bet the wife put the vase in the
teddy bear to steal it from the husband.
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303. No, no, that is absolute insanity.
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304. I'm gonna gut this thing.
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305. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, Frank.
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306. Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you.
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307. Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you.
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308. Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you. Shut up!
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309. Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you. Shut up.
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310. That is outrageous. That is
an outrageous amount of noise.
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311. Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you. That's loud.
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312. Okay. I gotta smother it.
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313. Frank, do not. Frank, stop it.
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314. Hi. I'm Elbert. I love you.
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315. Hi. I'm Elbert... Are you kidding me?
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316. Goddamn it.
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317. How have we not been
caught at this point?
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318. Hey, what's up, guys?
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319. Charlie, what are you doing here?
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320. I snuck in.
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321. Mac was, like, being a dick
about the walkie-talkie.
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322. He wouldn't let me push
the button and stuff. Dick.
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323. So he can just sneak in, but
we can't seem to sneak out?
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324. It wasn't easy. There's a
ton of closets in this house.
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325. I didn't know which closet you
were in, okay? I had to look in a lot.
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326. Well, now that we've
split you two idiots up,
Copy !req
327. maybe we can finally
get Mac to do a diversion.
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328. Hi, Mama. I'm home.
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329. Jesus Christ. Now there's
a kid in the house?
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330. Mac, dude, a kid just walked
into the house. A little heads up.
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331. Could you hold on one second, Dennis?
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332. That's a double-double cheeseburger
meal with a extra-large chocolate shake?
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333. Can you go ahead and throw an extra
double cheeseburger on there, please?
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334. 'Cause I'm very hungry.
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335. Mac, now is not the time to
run off and get a hamburger.
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336. - We need your help!
- I didn't just run off, dude.
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337. - I'm coming back.
- We need you to come back now.
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338. We need you to create a diversion.
We have got to get out of this house.
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339. What happened to Charlie's diversion?
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340. Charlie doesn't know what
a diversion is apparently.
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341. He just ran directly into the house.
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342. Fine. I'll be right back.
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343. Okay, great. Thank you.
Hey, get chips this time.
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344. I'm not getting you chips!
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345. He got mad at me for
not getting... Shut up.
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346. Well, you know what? I'll be a plumber.
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347. I'll knock on the front door, tell them I got
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348. a deal on pipes, you
guys run out the back.
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349. That's a little elaborate, but okay.
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350. Ooh, I'll do a Swedish accent!
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351. No, you do not do a Swedish
accent. You don't know how to do one.
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352. And you don't need to, dude.
These people don't know who you are!
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353. I can't just tell them that we're
there to steal their artifact, Dennis.
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354. There is a huge amount of middle
ground between those two things.
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355. I'm a Swedish plumber.
I'm here to fix your pipes.
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356. That's good. That's a good accent.
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357. Do a Philadelphia accent if
you insist on doing an accent.
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358. I'm not going to do a Philadelphia accent.
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359. I'm gonna do a Swedish accent,
because that's what Indy would do.
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360. This will work, Dennis. This will work.
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361. Don't worry about it,
and don't worry about anything.
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362. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you!
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363. Well, guys, looks like we're on our own.
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364. Let's just make our move.
Charlie, how'd you sneak in here?
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365. Front door.
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366. Let's just...
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367. Front door? You just
walked right in the front door?
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368. Well, I ran. I had a little hustle
going. But, yeah, front door.
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369. Mm-hmm.
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370. I'm beginning to think we should
just walk right out the front door then.
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371. I'm beginning to think that this family
has zero awareness of their surroundings.
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372. Let's go. Let's just go. Oh, my God.
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373. So, tell me, Madison,
do you like Disneyland?
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374. Yeah. Well, we are going there right now.
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375. Surprise! I already packed your suitcase.
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376. Did you pack Binky?
Well, no, I packed Elbert.
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377. I don't want Elbert. I want Binky.
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378. Go grab your Binky and hurry up,
'cause we gotta go!
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379. They're taking a family
trip. Frank, Frank, Frank!
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380. Little girl coming your
way. I'm gonna whip this
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381. little bitch in the face
if she makes a peep.
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382. Binky.
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383. Binky, Binky, Binky.
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384. Binky!
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385. We are assholes.
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386. No one is planning to murder
Jay Leno or anyone else.
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387. This is a nice woman planning
a surprise California vacation.
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388. Dangerous family? No.
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389. Barry! What took you so long?
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390. Mama, how come Barry's here?
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391. Oh, well, uh, he's coming with
us to Disneyland instead of Daddy.
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392. How'd you like it if we could
go to Disneyland every day?
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393. Are we going to California?
Without Daddy?
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394. Well, I'll be your new daddy. Uh-oh.
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395. Come on.
Oh, my God, did you hear that?
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396. What does that mean, new
Daddy? She's having an affair,
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397. and they're all going to Disneyland.
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398. Oh!
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399. Barry, I followed you, you son of a bitch.
That's the dad.
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400. That's the dad. Dad's
home. Dad's home!
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401. Oh, my God. So they're
gonna confront each other.
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402. How could you do this to me?
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403. - Do you still love me?
- I don't know anymore.
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404. Look, I love her, man. Very sad.
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405. Shut the hell up, or I will
beat the hell out of you.
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406. Shit. Let's just make a break for it.
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407. Are you kidding me? This whole
thing's coming to a head right now.
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408. There's gonna be a massacre out there.
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409. Everybody shut up!
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410. Now, let's all just calm down.
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411. We'll talk this thing out like a family.
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412. I don't care if it takes all night.
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413. Oh, God, no. All night?
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414. I can't do all night, you
guys. I don't have it in me.
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415. Screw it.
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416. Let's just walk right out.
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417. They're not gonna notice. They
got a lot on their... Walk right out.
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418. Their marriage is falling
apart. Walk right out.
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419. They got too much on their
plate. I'm just gonna walk right out.
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420. Keep your eyes down. Let's do it.
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421. I'm trying to make this work,
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422. but if you wanna go, you can go.
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423. But you're not taking my little girl.
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424. Hello. Hey.
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425. Hello! I am a Swedish
plumber... No, no. Uh, Mac.
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426. Frank, we're outta here!
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427. Yo!
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428. Oh.
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429. The vase!
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430. Shit!
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431. All right, we'll just, uh...
Why don't we head out?
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432. Should've "sidewaysed" it.
Nah. We should just...
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433. Thank you.
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434. - It was weird that they were Asian, right?
- Yeah.
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435. - Very weird.
- Was not expecting that.
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436. English - US - Line 21
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