1. So what do you guys
wanna do today?
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2. - I don't know.
- We could sing a song.
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3. We just ate.
We're drinking.
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4. Hey, you know what?
Mac's coming over here
pretty soon.
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5. - Mac's always got something.
- He'll have a plan...
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6. He always has something.
And he'll get us
into something good.
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7. He comes in with something.
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8. 'Cause we're having
a hard time getting
into something good.
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9. - There he is!
- Good timing!
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10. Mac in the house.
Mac in the house.
Mac in the house.
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11. Got some news for me?
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12. Lay it on us.
No, what's your news?
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13. I don't have any news.
I thought you guys
have news.
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14. You usually fire...
You always come in
hot with news.
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15. Yeah, what's the plan?
Oh. I got nothin'.
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16. Really? Huh.
Oh.
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17. That's disappointing.
You usually fire
in here with something.
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18. Yeah.
I've actually been
kinda bored today.
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19. We're bored over here.
You guys bored too?
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20. We are bored
out of our goddamn minds.
Didn't run into a thing or...
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21. Oh. Wait.
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22. Guys, I know what we can do.
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23. You do?
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24. Let's play
Chardee MacDennis.
Yes! Yes!
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25. No!
No!
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26. No, no.
No! 'Cause we're
not playing it.
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27. Yes!
What's Chardee MacDennis?
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28. Chardee MacDennis
is an awesome board game...
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29. that we came up with
many years ago
on a day much like today.
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30. That sounds like fun.
It is not fun.
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31. Chardee! Chardee!
No, we're not playing it!
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32. Don't start chanting it.
We're not playing
that stupid game!
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33. We are not playing that game!
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34. Why? What's the big deal?
It's only a game.
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35. It's not just a game!
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36. It's a war.
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37. Chardee MacDennis...
The game of games.
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38. Now what we did is,
we took our favorite aspects...
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39. of a bunch
of different board games
and we mashed 'em all together.
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40. We did the same thing with
the name, 'cause we couldn't
agree upon one.
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41. Now the point of the game
is actually quite simple.
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42. It's a race to the finish
from level one
to level three.
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43. This is the board.
And we start at level one, which is "Mind."
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44. That consists
of "Trivia,"Puzzles"
and "Artistry."
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45. It is also the level
at which the alcohol
being consumed is wine.
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46. Whoa! You get to drink
during the game?
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47. Uh, drinking is the game, Frank.
It's the whole point of it.
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48. I'm not gonna play
any game in which
I'm not getting annihilated.
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49. Moving on to level two,
which is "Body"...
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50. "Physical Challenge,"
"Pain" and "Endurance."
That's the beer level.
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51. Yes, and level three
is "Spirit"...
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52. "Emotional Battery"
and "Public Humiliation."
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53. Boom.
Hard-alcohol level.
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54. - What the hell you doing,
Deandra?
- This is very important, Frank.
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55. We gotta nail the board
down to the bar,
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56. because at a certain
point during the game,
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57. Mac's gonna get very pissed off
'cause he's not doing very well.
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58. - He's gonna try
and flip the board over.
- He's right. It's for the best.
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59. - I will forget later that it's nailed down.
- He will.
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60. Here's a big one.
There's a 15-minute
time limit to the game.
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61. Fifteen minutes doesn't seem
like a long time for a game.
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62. Well, there's
a fair amount
of clock stoppages.
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63. Yeah, each team
gets three time-outs.
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64. There's a halftime,
post-level breaks,
a two-minute warning...
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65. and a significant amount
of injury stoppages.
Hence the first-aid kit.
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66. Pay very close attention
to this next part.
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67. Each team must collect
a certain number of cards
at each level...
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68. in order to progress
to the next level.
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69. And the first team
to complete all three levels
wins the game.
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70. And the winner...
Ooh. The winner gets
a sweet prize.
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71. Nice! What's the prize?
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72. The winner gets to smash
the other team's game pieces.
Yeah.
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73. That's the prize?
You get to smash
the team's game pieces?
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74. Oh, it's incredibly gratifying.
Oh, it's awesome, Frank.
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75. Now these are our game pieces.
Nice, right?
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76. And these...
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77. are Mac and Charlie's pieces.
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78. Look at the condition
that they're in.
Pretty pathetic.
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79. As you can see from the state
that these pieces are in,
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80. Mac and Charlie have
never, ever,
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81. in the history
of Chardee MacDennis,
won the game.
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82. You never won?
Never won once?
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83. No. It's almost statistically
impossible...
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84. to play that many games
and never win, but...
It's truly an anomaly.
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85. We haven't won yet, all right?
But maybe this is our time.
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86. I mean, yeah.
It is gonna happen.
Watch out!
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87. Yeah. I'm gonna slit throats.
Nice.
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88. Ack! I love this game!
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89. I want in!
Okay, I want to be Mac
and Charlie's partner.
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90. That seems fair to me,
and I'll say why.
Mm-hmm.
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91. Because, you see,
Frank's mind
is still fairly strong,
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92. but his body's very,
very weak,
so I think it's a wash.
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93. - And his spirit's garbage, so I'm okay with it too.
— Right.
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94. Hang on. You can't
just jump on our team.
Let us talk about this.
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95. - All right, first of all,
we got a team photo, right?
- Yeah.
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96. We're gonna have to decide,
do we get a new team
photo with or without you?
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97. Plus, we have
a whole new strategy
to come up with, you know.
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98. Our strategy
has never worked.
And I hate the team photo.
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99. Okay. You know what?
Just join our team.
You're on the team.
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100. Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
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101. Yes, and the Golden Geese...
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102. are very much
looking forward
to another annihilation.
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103. Yes, we are.
Now, in the spirit
of tradition,
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104. I would like to propose
that we begin the ritual
of sportsmanship.
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105. Good luck to you, sir.
And you, sir.
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106. I do hope
you have a good game, miss.
And you, sir.
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107. Why the hell are youse
talkin' like that?
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108. Well, this is
an important part
of the process, Frank.
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109. Gives the illusion
of respect
for your opponent.
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110. Things are about
to get real dark,
real quick, Frank.
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111. - It's nice to start off
on a positive note.
- Oh, that reminds me.
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112. Once the game officially begins,
you are not allowed
to ask any questions.
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113. Yes! In fact, if you do,
don't say a question.
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114. Look it up in the book
of rules, okay?
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115. Jesus Christ!
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116. Oh, I think I understand.
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117. No, you haven't begun
to understand, Frank,
but that's okay.
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118. You'll get it
as we go along,
like every other board game.
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119. Dee, how much time?
Uh, 10 seconds.
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120. Ah! Perfect!
Okay, gentlemen.
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121. Suck my dick.
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122. What the shit are you doing?
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123. Goddamn it, Frank.
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124. You asked a question.
Goddamn it.
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125. Frank, Mac, Charlie...
Drink for five seconds.
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126. Yeah, drink, drink, drink!
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127. This is how
we get psyched up
before each level.
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128. Yeah, that's
our Maori war dance.
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129. It's how we demonstrate
intimidation.
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130. Shows off our physical prowess!
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131. All right, Dee,
put two more minutes
on the clock. Let's go.
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132. Gentlemen,
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133. level one begins.
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134. Okay, first card is trivia.
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135. Okay, Dee, answer
this question correctly,
we get the card.
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136. If not, they get
a chance to steal.
Yes.
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137. What is the greatest
band in the world?
Chumbawamba.
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138. Correct! Nice!
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139. Whoa!
That's not trivia.
That doesn't make sense.
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140. We made up all these questions,
so there's gonna be
a lot of opinion.
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141. It's more
of a memory game than
anything else. But drink.
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142. Drink, bitch.
Let's go.
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143. All right, whatever.
Our turn. Our turn.
Here we go. Ready, Charlie?
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144. No puzzles, no puzzles,
no puzzles...
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145. Trivia!
Trivia!
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146. I can do trivia, baby.
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147. Oh, dude, and you definitely
wrote this one.
Nice.
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148. Lay it on me!
Lay it on me!
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149. "Dennis is asshole.
Why Charlie hate?"
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150. I know this.
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151. I don't think I wrote that.
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152. You definitely
wrote this one, Charlie.
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153. Who else
would have written this?
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154. Uh, I'm not remembering that.
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155. Oh, my God.
I don't think
I wrote that one.
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156. Of course you did!
How many other illiterates
are in the...
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157. Just throw out a guess.
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158. Pass.
No!
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159. You pass?
Pass?
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160. No, he didn't pass.
He didn't pass.
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161. Just throw out a guess.
Any guess, come on.
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162. Pass.
Son of a bitch!
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163. I can't think of one.
All right, chance to steal.
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164. Oh! Because Dennis
is a bastard, man.
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165. That's what it is.
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166. I definitely wrote that.
That was it, right?
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167. Yeah!
Two cards.
Two cards. Two cards.
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168. I was mad at you
about something.
I wrote that.
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169. Doesn't matter.
Next card is Artistry.
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170. - And it's an all play,
so pay attention, guys.
- All play. All play.
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171. "The artist from your team...
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172. must draw the clue
from the card
on your teammate's back.
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173. The teammate
must guess the clue
based solely on feel."
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174. You ready?
I'm going to pass the card
over to the drawer.
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175. I draw.
Yeah, I don't want
to have to read it.
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176. Oh, this is hard.
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177. All right, ready?
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178. And... you guys ready?
Yeah.
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179. Begin!
Go, go, go, go, go!
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180. Hey, go!
Uh, uh, bird?
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181. I'm not getting it, dude.
It's impossible to draw.
I don't know how to dr...
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182. Jesus, your back
is so bony and crooked
and all over the place,
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183. I can't get
a flat surface.
Anger!
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184. Let me have it.
Let Frank go.
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185. Oh, if only the answer was ribs.
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186. Go, go. Frank, give me the...
Kicking.
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187. He got it.
He got it!
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188. Kicking.
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189. I forgot about your stupid,
strange connection
with each other.
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190. We get the card.
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191. Drink, drink, drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink.
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192. No puzzles, no puzzles,
no puzzles, no puzzles.
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193. Chance! Chance.
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194. This is a great one.
We stole this straight
from Monopoly.
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195. It could be good.
It could be bad.
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196. Mm-hmm.
That's the chance.
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197. Got it.
Oh! It's like the best one.
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198. "Take the money
from everyone's pockets."
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199. That's, like,
the best one.
Shit.
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200. Foo-foo, fork over, foo-foo.
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201. That's the best card there is.
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202. Frank, I don't know
what you're so excited for.
Give me your money.
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203. What? I'm on your team.
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204. Frank, the card says,
"Take the money
from everyone's pockets."
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205. Everyone.
You are everyone.
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206. Charlie gave up
his 50 cents.
I got $500 in my pocket.
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207. I'm not putting my money
on the table.
You gotta do it, dude.
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208. Give it to me.
That's the game.
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209. Let me see that card.
No. If you're gonna
play the game...
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210. Let me see that card.
Let him see the card.
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211. Let me see the card.
Show him the card.
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212. "Swallow this card whole."
Oh!
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213. Cheating! Cheating!
That's cheating.
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214. You've been
caught cheating.
Time's stopped.
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215. You've been caught cheating.
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216. - We're on the same team.
- Look, Frank, cheating
is tolerated. It's accepted.
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217. It's like a big part
of the game,
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218. but if you get
caught cheating,
they advance to the next level.
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219. You ruined my scheme.
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220. In his defense,
you were trying
to steal his money.
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221. - It was not the time to cheat, dude.
- Enjoy that.
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222. - Only one card down.
- Yeah, well, it's too late now.
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223. What's done is done, so... Uh-oh.
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224. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
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225. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
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226. To the game of games!
Yes, Frank, good.
You're getting it.
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227. - Very civil.
- Can questions now I ask
that clock stop-ed?
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228. Okay, just 'cause
you jumble up the words
doesn't make it not a question,
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229. but the answer is yes.
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230. When the clock is stopped,
all rules are off
and civility reigns.
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231. They advance. Do we?
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232. Ah. Yes.
I'll explain it to you, Frank.
It can get a little confusing.
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233. They are now in level two.
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234. Which means they need
only two cards to advance
to level three.
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235. We are still in level one.
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236. It's a goddamn mind-boggler.
Yeah, I've never
really understood it.
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237. But the point is,
if Mac's telling you
what to do, listen.
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238. Okay.
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239. Now at level two,
there is no more cursing.
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240. Oh, yeah.
Big-time level two rule.
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241. Where we at here?
Where we at?
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242. All right.
Oh, gentlemen, it's time.
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243. Oh, is it?
Kick it!
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244. You flinch, you lose.
Here we go.
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245. Didn't wince. All right.
Nothing. Not even a...
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246. All right.
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247. - Oh!
- Aw, come on.
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248. Nothing.
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249. The problem is,
his hands are like...
So tiny.
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250. If Dee had gotten this,
we could have just...
Obliterated those giant paws.
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251. I'm gonna put it
right in the center of his hand.
Do it. Do it.
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252. Cheese and crepes!
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253. All right, hit him, hit him!
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254. Dadgumit!
Let me have a go at it.
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255. Yeah.
Yeah, here.
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256. Nice!
Wait for it.
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257. Wait for it.
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258. Cheese and crepes.
Son of a gun.
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259. Cheese and crepes!
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260. Dee,
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261. we'll be taking this card.
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262. Cheese and crow.
All right, it's our turn.
Let's go get the cards.
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263. No, puzzles, no, puzzles,
no puzzles, no puzzles,
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264. no puzzles,
no puzzles, no puzzles,
no puzzles, no puzzles,
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265. no puzzles, no... Chance.
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266. Okay, all right.
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267. Okay, could be good.
Could be bad.
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268. "Go to jail.
Do not pass Go.
Do not collect $200."
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269. Sand of a bunch.
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270. All right, we take our pieces,
we put 'em in jail.
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271. Oh, no, no, no, no.
Frank, see, you don't get it.
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272. There's no jail on the board,
so you go in there.
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273. You gotta be kidding me.
Mm-mmm.
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274. No, jail's a dog kennel.
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275. You can get out,
but you're not
gonna like how.
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276. You gotta eat a cake.
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277. That's sounds good.
It's not.
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278. You have to eat
the ingredients of a cake.
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279. Aw, shit.
One, by one...
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280. - Oh!
- Oh! Stop the clock!
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281. Dude!
You cursed!
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282. Aw! I hate this game.
I hate this game.
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283. All right,
all right, all right.
We drink for five seconds.
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284. No, you're not getting it.
In level two,
the other team counts.
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285. Four,
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286. five.
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287. Awful.
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288. No more cursing.
No more cursing.
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289. Get in jail. Let's go.
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290. You might want to brush up
on some of these rules
while you're in there too, pal.
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291. That's a good idea.
Let him read the rule book.
Yeah.
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292. All right, our turn.
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293. Ooh, all play.
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294. "Physical challenge:
The Grape Gobble."
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295. Oh, nice!
Grape Gobble's
my thing, man.
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296. Charlie's
favorite board game?
Hungry Hungry Hippos.
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297. Hungry Hungry Hippos.
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298. Ready, set, go.
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299. Go, go, go.
Go, Charlie. Go, Charlie.
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300. Put my cage on the bar
so I can see.
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301. Shut up, dog.
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302. Gobble, gobble, come on.
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303. Come on, Dee.
Go, go, go.
And time.
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304. Ho! Ho!
That's time.
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305. Oh, no.
It's only five.
I only got five.
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306. Oh, sheets!
Bed sheets!
Yeah!
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307. You definitely
got more than five.
Yeah, yeah! I ate, like, 12!
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308. Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa.
You're not supposed to eat them.
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309. Th-The rule is you're sup...
You're not
supposed to eat them.
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310. There's no way
we can tell how many you...
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311. We win the level.
We get the card!
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312. We're on level three.
Level three now.
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313. Wait,
they're still inside me!
I can get them out!
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314. Doesn't matter!
Doesn't matter.
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315. Golden Geese!
Golden Geese!
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316. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
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317. We move on to level three!
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318. I hate this game!
I hate this game!
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319. Oh, I know this game.
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320. Board flipping. Cheating.
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321. I'm so sick
from that cake stuff.
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322. You shouldn't have even
eaten it, 'cause the game's
gonna be over in a second.
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323. They're gonna kill us.
Hold on a second.
I got a plan.
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324. When I was in the cage,
I had the book.
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325. Save it, Frank.
There's no way
we can beat them, okay?
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326. They are tailor-made
for level three.
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327. Last time we played,
Dee got "Emotional Battery."
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328. We berated that bitch for,
like, two straight hours.
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329. I mean,
really personal stuff.
Way over the line.
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330. The kind of stuff that cuts you
to the core, you know?
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331. She held it together
without a single tear.
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332. Dude, when her two minutes
were up, she cried
for a month straight.
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333. Yeah, it was really sad.
Every day,
crying all day long.
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334. She talked about
taking too many pills.
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335. I think
she tried to kill herself.
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336. She did, she did.
I saw it, but I didn't
tell you about it.
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337. Are you bitches ready
for round three?
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338. 'Cause you're going down,
clowns.
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339. - Dennis, I want
to tell you something.
- Yeah?
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340. I hope I get
"Emotional Battery"
this time from them,
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341. because this is why...
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342. You guys, you always
emotional batter me.
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343. And I'm gonna...
I'm fine with it.
I don't care about it.
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344. I'm getting good at it now.
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345. So that's something
that I hope for this game.
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346. Okay.
Let me help you with that.
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347. Oh, Frank.
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348. - Frank, come on!
- Okay, so I broke
another rule.
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349. - Oh, you did?
- Don't rat us out if it's a rule!
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350. Probably not a rule.
Let's keep playing.
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351. It probably is a rule.
I don't think it's a rule.
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352. Rule 463:
"When a player spills
his or her drink,
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353. his or her team has to chug
the opponents' drinks."
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354. You are a terrible,
terrible teammate.
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355. I don't want
to chug hard alcohol
on top of all this wine.
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356. It's like...
No, that's okay.
You don't have to do it.
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357. You don't have to,
because you guys
are in level one.
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358. You can't even drink
hard alcohol anyway.
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359. They're trying to trick us,
'cause then we'll not drink it,
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360. and it'll be a rule
that we had to drink it.
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361. No, no, it's fine.
No tricking us.
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362. We're playing the game.
We're playing the game.
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363. It's Chardee MacDennis.
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364. This tastes like water.
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365. This is water.
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366. Aha! I knew it!
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367. - Well...
- I knew it was water.
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368. When he threw
his beer in my face,
I could taste it.
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369. Shut up, dog!
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370. - Cheaters!
- Yeah, cheaters.
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371. You've been cheating!
We caught you cheating!
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372. Eff you in the "A"!
Eff you in the "A"!
Eff you in the "A"!
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373. Congratulations,
all right?
Fudge on crackers, all right?
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374. Mr. Falconing sons of birds.
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375. Motherfathers,
you've caught us cheating...
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376. for the first time in,
like, 18 games.
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377. If the team ahead
gets caught cheating,
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378. then the team behind
jumps to their level,
which means...
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379. Level three!
Level three!
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380. Level three!
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381. Okay.
We've never been
to level three before.
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382. I'm going to level three!
I'll see you in level three!
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
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383. - That was the buzzer.
- Oh.
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384. The timer's
never gone off before.
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385. So what does that mean?
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386. Wait, look that up,
because you guys always win
before the timer goes off.
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387. It means we have to draw...
the black card.
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388. I don't remember
a black card.
There's a black card?
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389. I don't remember a black
card at all.
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390. Black. Guys, this could be
some dark shit right here.
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391. Here it is.
This is gonna be
a battle to the death.
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392. Ooh! Oh, that's scary.
All right, read it.
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393. - Open it, open it,
open it, open it!
- Brace yourself.
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394. Get ready.
Here I go.
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395. Huh? What do we...
I don't know.
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396. Why... I don't know.
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397. "In the event of a tie,
a winner must be chosen.
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398. There can be only one.
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399. And so it comes to this:
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400. Flip... a... coin."
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401. Flip a goddamn coin?
That's what we came up with?
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402. Flip a coin.
That's lame as shit.
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403. Oh, now I remember.
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404. When we were writing the rules,
at one point, we just got really
bored, and we phoned it in.
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405. - That is so lame!
- No, it's awesome.
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406. Think about this, Mac.
They can't out-cheat us,
they can't outsmart us.
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407. This isn't about,
like, physical endurance
or anything like that.
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408. This is just up to the gods
right now, Mac!
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409. And there's a 50-50 chance
we're winning this whole thing,
right now.
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410. - No.
- Tails never fails.
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411. Tails never fails!
Tails never fails.
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412. Frank, we're taking tails!
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413. All right, all right,
just flip the coin.
All right.
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414. Flip that coin.
Flip that coin!
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415. Flip that coin!
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416. Flip that coin!
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417. Flip that coin!
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418. Yes!
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419. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
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420. Ah! That felt good.
Losers.
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421. English - US - Line 21
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