1. We're looking
at one of the most powerful
storm systems...
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2. ever to hit
the Philadelphia area, folks.
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3. As the hurricane moves
up the East Coast,
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4. we're already starting
to feel its impact
with heavy winds,
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5. and everyone
is bracing themselves
for torrential rainfall.
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6. Oh, my God.
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7. I've never seen anything
of this magnitude.
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8. I can't believe
how severe this is.
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9. They get bigger
and bigger every year.
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10. We're expecting 20 to 30 inches.
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11. Philadelphia, this is dangerous.
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12. Stay indoors and be safe.
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13. Well, I, for one,
would like to meet
this Jackie Denardo...
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14. and see if her breasts
are as staggering
in person.
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15. Guys, maybe we should
get a 3-D TV.
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16. The breasts are only going
to keep getting bigger,
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17. and we need the latest
technology to keep up.
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18. Are you guys kidding me?
You're focused
on boobies...
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19. at a time when a massive
storm is about to hit
Philadelphia?
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20. It's a hurricane
we're talking about.
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21. She's talking about it,
and, you know,
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22. we're sort of listening
and we're enjoying
her breasts.
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23. Just let us
have this.
Yeah.
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24. The breasts make you
care about the weather
in a really good way, not...
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25. Guys, maybe she's right.
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26. Maybe we are too focused
on this woman's breasts.
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27. Switch it to the other
news channel.
Channel 5 News.
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28. Amigos, tenemos...
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29. Cha-cha-cha!
¡Rica!
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30. Oh, man!
It's internacional!
It's on every channel.
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31. - These are the breasts
we should focus on.
- Hey-ho! What's up?
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32. What are you wearing?
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33. I got all riled up
by the weather report.
Ain't a drop of rain out there.
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34. - So I put this old trash bag on
to keep myself protected.
- You did it for nothing, huh?
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35. Yeah. It's media hype hyping up
the storm, making people
all nervous about it.
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36. I don't know, Frank.
I don't think this is hype,
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37. 'cause they're calling it
the storm of the century.
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38. I'll tell you what, Dee,
um, because you
might be right,
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39. I think it's worth switching
over to the other channel.
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40. Because I feel like
the coverage was a little
bit more... extensive.
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41. - As you can see behind me...
- Ho! Look at that!
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42. Oh, come on!
Ooh!
Yeah!
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43. from the All American
Home Center...
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44. where shoppers are facing
long lines to buy supplies
for the hurricane expected...
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45. They're talking about evacuating
the city.
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46. Guys, maybe this is more serious
than we thought.
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47. Yeah, it's serious.
It's a Category 5 storm.
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48. We've got to get ready.
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49. Oh, shit.
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50. Dude, maybe the Mexicans
were right.
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51. What are you talking about?
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52. The Mexicans predicted
that the world was
gonna end in 2012.
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53. That was the Mayans, dude.
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54. Mayans, Mexicans...
What's the difference?
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55. One difference
is that the Mayans
are extinct.
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56. Yeah. The Mexicans
killed the Mayans.
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57. No, the Spaniards
banged the Mayans,
turned 'em into Mexicans.
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58. Oh, guys,
this doesn't
look good.
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59. Okay, we're now getting
unconfirmed reports...
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60. of sporadic looting in cities
along the East Coast.
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61. People are looting now?
Come on.
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62. Ah, it's the media.
They hype the storm.
They hype the looting.
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63. - It's all for ratings.
- Whatever.
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64. Either way,
I think we should head
up to higher ground,
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65. you know, get to the Poconos.
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66. Nah, you don't want to go
up in the mountains.
Are you crazy?
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67. That's just putting you
closer to the storm.
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68. You want to go low,
low as can be.
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69. All right, you know what?
We gotta stop pussy-dicking
around here, okay?
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70. - It's time to get
in the bunker.
- Bunker? What bunker?
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71. Yeah, we, uh... We converted
this old storage closet...
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72. into a place where
we could ride out Y2K.
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73. Ha! Y2K...
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74. Perfect example of how the press
hypes everything to no end
and nothing happens.
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75. We know that now, Frank,
but, back then,
we were pretty scared.
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76. Yeah, but why were we so scared?
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77. Dee got us all worked up
about the computers
taking over mankind,
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78. and then she had us
build this bunker.
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79. Yeah, robopocalypse...
machines communicating
with each other...
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80. and conspiring
to destroy the human race.
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81. That is complete
nonsense, Deandra.
Is it nonsense?
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82. Is it nonsense? Or is it
nonsense that we rely
solely on computers...
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83. to run every aspect
of our lives, huh?
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84. Hysterical.
She's hysterical.
Calm down, Dee.
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85. Here, come check out
the bunker.
It's pretty cool.
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86. What the hell?
What the hell
happened to the bunker?
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87. We, uh... We raided the bunker
directly after Y2K.
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88. Well, now it's empty.
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89. Now there's nothing
in here for us to use.
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90. And why is there
a condom wrapper
on the floor?
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91. You've probably been banging
in the bunker, right?
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92. Guilty.
I've been watching him
bang in here.
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93. Have you?
Weird. Weird.
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94. The bunker's
for emergencies.
This is not a joke.
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95. Yeah, well, whatever,
you know.
That's an emergency, I guess.
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96. I see that somebody's
also been eating...
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97. a lot of your
weird canned foods
and sardines, Charlie.
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98. - Yeah, where's all my...
- Yeah, he was probably
down here with Mac...
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99. watching you rape girls
and eating pickled eggs.
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100. I don't rape girls.
Come on.
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101. Yeah, and I don't eat
that many pickled eggs.
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102. But, well, you know what?
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103. Let's stock up on some
more pickled eggs
down here though.
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104. That's a good idea. Let's
go to the All American
Home store.
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105. We can get all
of our supplies there.
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106. The All American?
Yeah.
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107. That's the place
with the weather...
Yeah!
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108. Let's go there.
Let's go there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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109. Wait. You're gonna
actually go...
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110. where the media is advertising?
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111. Come on, Frank, it's not
like we've never been...
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112. to the All American
Home Center before.
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113. It's in our minds, you know.
And she's in my mind.
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114. Let's go there.
It's settled.
Right, I know.
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115. But first, we need
to board up windows. Frank,
you help me with this plywood.
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116. And you guys can each
grab a box over there,
and then we'll...
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117. And they've left.
They've left now.
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118. I'm only still here 'cause
I'm not as quick as them.
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119. Is that a pickled egg?
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120. No. It's an egg
I brought from home.
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121. Attention, all All American
Home Center shoppers...
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122. People seem pretty amped up.
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123. We should get our supplies
before they sell out.
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124. Yeah, for sure. We should
come up with a plan,
and we should divide up.
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125. Oh, my God.
Ooh-hoo-hoo.
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126. Aw! They're
spectacular.
Wow!
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127. Imagine that image in 3-D.
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128. - Oh, baby.
- Yeah. Oh, my God.
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129. Guys, I'm telling you,
we should get one
of these 3-D TVs.
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130. Yeah, totally,
but not now, okay?
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131. We can't spend our money
on a 3-D TV.
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132. Right, right. All right,
we gotta get the supplies,
head up to the Poconos ASAP.
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133. Come on.
I don't know.
Let's think about this.
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134. For all we know,
it could be
the end of days.
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135. No, it's not
the end of days.
I don't wanna go uphill.
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136. Guys, it's not
the end of days.
Calm down.
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137. It's just a storm, okay?
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138. We'll get some batteries.
We'll get some supplies.
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139. Food. We'll get food.
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140. Yeah, we'll get food.
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141. But I feel like you didn't...
You didn't say food.
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142. Yeah, we'll get food, okay?
Jesus Christ.
Relax!
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143. Okay, yeah, I'm...
I'm getting crazy.
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144. All right, I'll get the food.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
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145. You guys get the supplies.
Okay, we'll get the supplies.
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146. Okay. Okay.
Give us the cash
because...
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147. No, no, it's okay.
I have Frank's credit card.
You take the cash.
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148. You got the cash.
We got the credit card.
Let's go.
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149. Hey, you know
what I was thinking?
In addition to supplies,
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150. it might be nice to grab
some girls, you know,
get them back to the bar.
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151. This Jackie Denardo chick...
She's, uh,
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152. sparked another storm inside me,
if you know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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153. Might be nice to ride
the storm out with some chicks.
Yeah, yeah.
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154. We could use 'em to repopulate
the planet or something.
That'll be great to have them.
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155. I'm not going to entertain
this notion anymore.
I don't want to hear it.
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156. I'd at least like to find one,
like, Mexican or Mayan or
something for predictions.
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157. No, but get
some batteries though.
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158. You be the battery guy,
and I'll be the...
the "chicks and tits" guy.
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159. All right.
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160. Frank! Frank, you want
to come help me
do this or what?
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161. No. Come over here.
I want you to see this.
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162. Frank... Come on, check this out.
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163. At any moment,
hoards of maniacs could come
pouring through the windows.
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164. This doesn't concern you?
Come on, Deandra.
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165. Please come over here
and sit down,
look at this.
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166. What?
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167. You remember years ago
there was a storm
in New Orleans?
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168. Hurricane Katrina?
Yes.
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169. Yeah, I remember it.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, check this out.
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170. What do you think
those people are doing...
surviving or looting?
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171. They're surviving.
Ah. Okay.
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172. Do you remember a man
named Rodney King?
Yes, of course I do.
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173. Okay, the L.A.P.D.
worked him over really good.
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174. Yes.
Okay. This was taken during
the Rodney King riots.
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175. What do you think
these people are doing...
looting or surviving?
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176. Well, they're looting.
Ah, of course.
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177. It's the media, see?
When it's white people,
it's survival.
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178. And when it's black people,
it's looting.
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179. No, Frank. It's because
the white people
are stealing bread...
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180. and the black people
are stealing speakers.
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181. If the white people were
stealing stereo equipment, I
would say they were looting too.
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182. How do you know
the blacks don't have
bread in those speakers?
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183. What are you talking about?
What are we talking about
right now?
Listen!
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184. There are big things to do.
Calm down.
This is the best part.
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185. More?
Yeah. Just check this out.
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186. This was taken during the riots.
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187. Do you recognize
anybody in there?
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188. What are you doing in the video?
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189. I happened
to be out in L.A.
during the riots.
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190. I was on business.
And to steal ski equipment,
I guess.
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191. Yeah, well, I went in
for a loaf of bread.
I took some skis.
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192. Everybody's happy.
Not the people
who own the skis.
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193. Oh, shit!
All right, calm...
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194. Oh, my God!
The power went out!
Calm down.
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195. This is terrible!
We gotta get... Jesus!
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196. That's why I like to have
this little baby with me.
Goddamn it!
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197. Come on.
Let's go! To bunker!
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198. You come with me.
Yeah, go first.
Don't...
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199. Just be careful with that.
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200. We're gonna call it
a hurricane party.
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201. It's gonna be cool.
It's gonna be awesome.
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202. What's a hurricane party?
A hurricane party's exactly
what it sounds like.
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203. It's a party during a hurricane
at our bar... Paddy's Pub.
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204. I've heard
of that bar.
Yeah?
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205. Hey! Hello!
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206. All right! All right! Hi.
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207. Crazy, crazy weather
coming our way.
Yeah.
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208. You trying to get these girls
down to the bunker, or...
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209. Oh, no, I'm-I'm inviting
them back to our very cool
bar that we own.
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210. Oh! Cool, cool.
Yeah, we got
a sweet bunker too.
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211. It's, like, so secure,
people can't get in or out
if we don't want 'em to.
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212. We'll be, like,
totally safe down there.
Yeah.
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213. I got a bunch of supplies.
You guys like pickled eggs?
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214. We got sardines too.
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215. Yeah, we got a bunch of other,
you know, normal food...
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216. and normal stuff
there too.
Yeah.
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217. Yeah, it's a great bar.
Gonna be free drinks
for everybody.
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218. So you'll come.
You'll party with us.
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219. And you... Bring
your girlfriends, too,
you know?
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220. Sure.
We don't want just
the two of you.
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221. You got to bring
your girlfriends.
That's a requirement.
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222. Sounds like fun.
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223. Can our boyfriends come too?
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224. Oh.
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225. Your boyfriends?
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226. Yeah, our boyfriends.
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227. You two have boyfriends?
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228. How did you not know...
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229. that the reason I invited
you back to my bar...
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230. was to bang you?
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231. Get outta here.
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232. Get the hell outta here!
Get... Get outta here!
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233. - Shoo away from me!
- You're a dick.
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234. You're a dick.
She's a...
I'm not a dick.
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235. It's okay.
Take it easy, all right?
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236. Wh-Wh-What was that?
That was too dark.
They lied to me.
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237. Oh, okay. Well, just
let it go, all right?
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238. If you want to entice
these ladies, you gotta
talk about the bunker.
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239. You got to lead
with the bunker.
No.
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240. You end with the bunker.
Or you don't talk
about the bunker at all.
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241. Are you kidding me?
What are you wearing?
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242. Dude, they have
amazing stuff here.
I'm totally prepared.
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243. Check this out.
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244. How sweet is that?
Dude, what are you...
Drop that.
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245. Are you kidding me?
You think girls are gonna
want to come back to a bar...
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246. with a man dressed
the way you're dressed
and carrying a hatchet?
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247. Yeah. They're gonna be like,
"Look at this sweet dude...
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248. His awesome gear
and his awesome hatchet.
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249. He's prepared.
He's ready for anything.
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250. Storm coming?
Hatchet coming."
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251. Dude, I have an idea.
I'm gonna go
to the Office section.
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252. Meet me
in the Office section.
Okay. All right, good.
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253. I'll find Mac, 'cause we
gotta get out of here, man.
Okay, yeah. No, um...
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254. - Let's... Lose the hatchet.
- Come on, man. The...
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255. I got another hatchet.
Don't you worry about that.
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256. Dark as shit in here.
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257. It's very creepy.
Let's just get
to the bunker.
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258. What was that?
Was that a rat?
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259. It was a looter.
What...
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260. Behind us.
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261. Oh, a looter! Shoot him!
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262. - No, don't shoot!
- It's Cricket!
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263. Ooh! No!
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264. - Cricket!
- Oh, what are you doing down here, Cricket?
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265. Aah! I come down to the bunker
sometimes when it rains.
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266. Oh, we got to get him
to the hospital!
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267. No, I ain't goin'
to no hospital.
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268. They euthanize the homeless.
They're goddamned death camps!
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269. - You got no hand, Cricket!
- I have a hand, Frank.
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270. It's-It's a little...
I have a hole in it.
Big deal.
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271. Frank, I'm gonna be
honest with you.
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272. I don't really wanna go
to the hospital either
because...
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273. We're gonna be there
when the hurricane hits,
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274. and it's gonna be packed
to the gills with vagrants.
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275. Are you out of your mind?
This man is bleeding
to death here!
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276. You know what we could do?
We could dress him up
and take him upstairs.
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277. Then the looters
would think he's
the owner of the bar,
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278. and they'd have
their way with him,
and, if he died,
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279. you know, it's on them
and-and not on us.
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280. That-That's good.
Let's just do that.
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281. Don't listen to him!
He's delirious!
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282. - You're bleeding out, Cricket!
- It's nothing.
Frank, this is nothing.
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283. Goddamn it! All right, Cricket.
All right, fine. We'll go.
We'll go to the hospital.
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284. Frank, we are coming
right back here
after we drop him off...
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285. to be where we are
safe in the bunker,
where we belong.
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286. - Okay, let's go!
- Okay, get out.
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287. You're marching me to the ovens!
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288. Dennis!
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289. There you are, dude.
Dude, things are getting
kind of bad in here, man.
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290. Like, people are
all worked up, right?
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291. I've been trying to find Mac.
He's not answering
my phone calls.
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292. I went out to the parking lot to
see if he was out there hiding
out in the car or something.
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293. He took off!
Car's gone!
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294. Mmm, well, clearly,
he's evacuated
to the Poconos.
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295. Do you really think
he'd do that to us?
Absolutely do that to us.
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296. I don't know.
This is bad, dude.
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297. What you got here?
What you working on?
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298. Oh, this is great.
This is an agreement
for the women.
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299. Yeah, it guarantees
that whoever comes back
to the bar with us...
Copy !req
300. agrees to follow
all the rules
that we set forth.
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301. That's smart.
Walk me through the details.
What you got, Dennis?
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302. It's all
very simple, Charlie.
Very simple stuff.
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303. Um, "I... state your name"...
Charlie Kelly.
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304. Hmm? Well, not your name.
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305. Oh.
Their name.
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306. "Being of sound mind and body,
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307. do solemnly pledge
that I do not have
a boyfriend,
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308. nor am I currently engaged
in a sexual relationship...
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309. with another individual,
females excluded."
Right.
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310. "I hereby agree to be easygoing,
Copy !req
311. to engage in playful
conversation,
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312. to always act as though
I desire your penis
even when I don't."
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313. Yeah.
It sort of goes on and on
like that for a while.
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314. I love it. Where do I sign?
Again, um, you don't
sign anywhere.
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315. If we're doing a contract,
I want to sign it, so...
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316. This isn't a contract
for you, Charlie.
Uh, it's not?
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317. This is a contract...
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318. Oh, my God.
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319. Charlie, I might be
in love with this woman.
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320. Not for the right
reasons, mind you.
I got an idea.
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321. Yeah.
Let's get her back
to the bunker, right?
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322. She's the perfect
kind of woman to start over
the new world with.
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323. We would create a race
of super giant-breasted women,
you know?
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324. I'd start sleeping
with your daughters.
You'd sleep with my daughters.
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325. I'd sleep with your daughters'
daughters.
Copy !req
326. You'd sleep with my daughters'
daughters.
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327. We die, our sons would sleep
with our daughters' daughters'
daughters.
Copy !req
328. It's like a perfect society.
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329. I see where you're going
with that, but it sounds like
it could get a little messy.
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330. It could get a little stick...
Let's work out a new agreement,
you know.
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331. All right, we'll come up
with a separate agreement.
Who sleeps with whose daughter?
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332. Okay, that sounds good.
All right, I'm gonna go
talk to this woman.
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333. All right, okay. Okay.
All right, okay.
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334. Um... Um...
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335. I gotta say, man,
this woman's really
throwing me off, dude.
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336. I feel very, very nervous.
I don't usually get nervous.
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337. You want me
to help you out?
Yeah. No.
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338. I'll go over there
with you.
No, no, no.
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339. I want you to stay
as far away from me
as possible.
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340. You're standing
too close to me
as it is actually.
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341. Have you gotten
into the cheese?
There's a whole cheese section.
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342. I bet there is.
I went nuts.
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343. All right, well, you stink.
Mm-hmm. All right,
you know what?
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344. I'll find Frank.
He'll pick us up.
Okay, yeah, go call Frank.
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345. I'm gonna go talk to the, uh...
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346. I don't think I can do it
dressed like this though.
I look ridiculous.
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347. You guys, I don't mean
to be a bother, but are
we almost at the hospital?
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348. Shut the hell up,
Cricket! Okay?
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349. I'm driving
as fast as I can!
Do you not see that?
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350. Move!
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351. What are you doing, Frank?
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352. What are you doing,
Frank?
I'm getting air.
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353. You're sucking it all up
with your panicking.
It's freezing outside.
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354. You're gonna catch cold,
and then everyone's gonna
get sick in the bunker.
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355. What are you talking about?
Freezing? It's sunny as shit.
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356. Will you calm down,
for crying out loud?
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357. You're gonna give me
a heart attack!
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358. Oh, all right.
Let's go.
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359. It's Charlie. Yo!
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360. You're shittin' me!
Huh?
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361. God!
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362. Mac went to the Poconos,
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363. left them stranded
by the All American
with the supplies!
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364. With the supplies?
No! No, no, no, no!
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365. I'm not getting
stranded in the bunker
with no supplies!
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366. You guys, what about me?
I'm in pain. I'm in...
Shut up!
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367. Goddamn you, Cricket!
Goddamn you!
It's not about you!
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368. I'm gonna pick up the guys.
I'm gonna drop you off
at the hospital.
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369. It's gonna take
two seconds, okay?
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370. Is that okay, Cricket,
with you? Huh?
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371. Go!
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372. Come on, come on!
Get outta the way!
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373. I don't wanna die.
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374. Don't make me
do it, Cricket.
I will slice you in half!
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375. As you can see behind me, Larry,
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376. the storm is really taking
its toll on weary shoppers.
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377. The lines are still long
as frustrated customers
wait anxiously...
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378. to return home with some
emergency supplies...
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379. before the worst
of the storm hits.
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380. Jackie Denardo, Channel 5 News.
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381. We out? Good.
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382. Hi. Hi.
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383. It's... Hi.
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384. I'm Dennis... Reynolds.
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385. Hi. Hi... Dennis.
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386. I have a bar.
I own a bar.
It's my bar.
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387. And I wanted to invite you
to it... for...
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388. Uh, we have food and supplies,
and it would be a good place...
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389. This storm is gonna
be bad, as you know.
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390. So why not be at the bar
with me, um,
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391. and, you know,
for the good of the race?
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392. So come to the bar and, uh...
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393. Oh, and I have a contra...
an agreement.
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394. Uh, excuse me, sir.
And I need you to sign...
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395. - Yes?
- Yeah, it's about the storm.
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396. Okay?
Storm's not
gonna hit Philly.
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397. It's just gonna drizzle.
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398. Really?
Yeah.
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399. How am I supposed to
turn that into news?
I don't know.
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400. Find some other way
to make these people
go nuts.
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401. We need a story.
Okay, thanks.
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402. Hey, Todd. Storm's
just been downgraded.
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403. Apparently we're just gonna
get a light drizzle.
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404. Goddamn it!
I have a bunker.
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405. Maybe we can turn this
into global warming.
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406. That always gets people
whipped up, huh?
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407. Get-Get-Get... If you get
in the bunker with me,
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408. then you'll be totally safe.
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409. For the good of the race,
we can create
an entire...
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410. Oh, my God!
Get lost, creep!
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411. You're gonna treat me
like a dog, huh?
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412. You're gonna
treat Cricket like a dog?
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413. Hospital.
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414. Hospital.
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415. Come on. Come on.
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416. Hurry it up.
Move it along.
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417. He's taking forever.
We're gonna die in...
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418. Hey, you look kind of Mayan.
You wouldn't happen to be
a Mayan, would you?
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419. Charlie!
Charlie, there you are.
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420. I think I found a Mayan.
We've been looking
all over for you.
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421. Cricket's out in the car
bleeding like a pig.
Seriously?
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422. We gotta get the supplies
right away.
I got great supplies.
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423. I've been getting
all sorts of stuff.
Things that would...
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424. Hey! Hey, hey!
That's my cart.
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425. Hey, folks!
Folks, listen up!
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426. I'm sorry, but
our credit card machines...
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427. just went down
due to a system overload.
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428. We can only accept cash
at this time.
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429. What?
Shit!
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430. - Okay, well, you got cash?
- I only have cards.
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431. Charlie, where's the cash
I gave you?
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432. Mac took off
with all our cash!
He just took off!
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433. What?
We're gonna die.
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434. I told you! I told you!
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435. I told you we're
dependent on machines.
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436. You guys,
once the machines go down,
then society collapses!
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437. We're going to hell
in a handcart.
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438. I got a plan, okay?
Let's just start
looting shit.
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439. Let's just grab shit.
Let's just grab
whatever we can.
Yes!
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440. No, you can't loot
until the crowd
whips up into a frenzy.
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441. The crowd is whipped up
into a frenzy.
They just stole my cart!
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442. I-I think the time
will be evident.
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443. Well, what are we
waiting for?
I don't know.
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444. Oh!
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445. Loot! Loot!
Time to loot! Loot!
Loot! Loot!
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446. Take everything...
and anything!
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447. Kill the machines!
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448. Kill the machines!
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449. It's their fault!
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450. Kill the machines
before they kill us!
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451. You son of a bitch!
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452. Come on, come on, come on.
Get it, get it, get it.
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453. Just seconds ago, a car crashed
through the building,
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454. and the crowd is scattering.
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455. Despite the fact that
the storm has been
downgraded,
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456. the people have
worked themselves into
an uncontrollable frenzy!
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457. It's the end of days!
This is the end of days!
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458. Pandemonium has struck!
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459. Come to the bunker!
Come to the bunker!
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460. Dennis, I got her!
Dennis, I got her!
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461. Son of a bitch!
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462. Is this the hospital?
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463. This isn't a hospital.
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464. 3-D boobies.
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465. Now this is news.
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466. Ahora, esta tormenta
no ha pasado todavía.
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467. Por favor, vayan a la tienda.
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468. Agarren las cosas
que necesiten para...
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469. English - US - Line 21
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