1. Dennis, do you have the tickets?
Copy !req
2. Yes, affirmative.
Copy !req
3. I got the tickets on-line,
and I got the last ones.
Copy !req
4. Charlie, got booze?
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5. So what do you think?
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6. I think that's enough booze to
last the whole movie, right?
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7. Yes.
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8. We're good, we're good.
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9. Dee, time?
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10. Uh, we have
just about a half hour.
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11. Precisely, you bitch!
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12. I need to know precisely.
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13. 28 minutes! I'm sorry.
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14. 28 minutes.
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15. Oh, the city
is like a zoo.
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16. I mean, traffic jam like
you wouldn't believe.
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17. Obama's got the whole
thing congested.
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18. Oh, goddamn it, Mac.
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19. I told you there was
gonna be traffic, dude.
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20. I forgot about Obama!
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21. We still have time.
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22. We still have time.
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23. No, but, dude, traffic's
gonna jam us up, man.
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24. No, no, no, we can
make it, okay?
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25. Time for what?
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26. Time for what?
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27. Where are you going?
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28. We gonna go see Thundergun
Express, man.
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29. You know what I'm talking about.
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30. What the shit is a Thundergun?
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31. Are you crazy, dude?
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32. It's, like, the greatest
movie ever made.
Copy !req
33. It's about this warrior from a
post-apocalyptic underground
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34. society who has to travel back
in time to save his lover from
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35. an evil robot army.
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36. Whoo... "No hesitation."
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37. "No surrender.
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38. No man left behind!"
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39. It's only the biggest
movie in America.
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40. Whoa, that sounds the tits.
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41. I'm in.
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42. No. You do not have a ticket.
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43. Yeah.
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44. You didn't buy me a ticket?
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45. I'm sorry.
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46. What am I? Your daddy?
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47. Yeah, I don't just buy
tickets for people.
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48. Yeah.
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49. Well, I'll tell you what?
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50. I'll take Deandra's ticket.
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51. You don't like action movies.
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52. I don't know, Frank.
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53. This is just as much a love
story as anything else.
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54. Plus, I hear the guy hangs dong, and
I'm very interested in seeing that.
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55. Me, too.
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56. Yeah, yeah, he hangs dong.
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57. Mm-hmm.
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58. What the hell am I gonna do?
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59. Well, get out of the way,
'cause we gotta go.
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60. Yeah.
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61. The clock's ticking.
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62. Let's, let's go.
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63. Thundergun!
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64. This blows, dude!
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65. Drive faster.
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66. Drive faster?
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67. Where would you
like for me to go?
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68. I'm surrounded by cars, Charlie.
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69. It's all these goddamn
immigrants come in to see Obama.
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70. And none of them
have any insurance.
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71. That's why they drive so slow.
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72. Why are you even here?
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73. The movie is sold out.
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74. I'm gonna scalp a ticket.
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75. Oh, shit!
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76. I didn't bring my wallet.
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77. You guys gotta spot
me some dough.
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78. I ain't
giving you shit.
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79. Oh, I'll sneak in.
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80. I sneak in all the time.
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81. I just hope we get there in
time to all sit together.
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82. I don't like to split up.
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83. Nah, don't worry about it.
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84. If we get split up, we'll just
yell over everybody to each
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85. other until they get annoyed
with us and switch.
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86. You call in a bomb threat,
that would delay the picture.
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87. That would be very Thundergun.
Copy !req
88. We're gonna have to do
something drastic if Dennis
Copy !req
89. doesn't figure out a
way to drive faster.
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90. Yeah, come on, man.
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91. Where would you
like for me to drive?
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92. He misses all of his angles.
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93. Well, you can slide
in front of that Prius.
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94. Go in front of that Prius.
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95. Oh, okay, so then I'll be
stuck in front of the Prius
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96. instead of right
next to the Prius.
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97. It's a bigger problem
than that guys.
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98. He's slow at everything.
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99. You should see how long it
takes him to bang chicks.
Copy !req
100. Mac, that's because you
always try and barge in so you
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101. can see the chicks naked.
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102. And then I have to start the
process all over again.
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103. But you waste so much time
talking to them when you should
Copy !req
104. be plowing them.
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105. No, you don't get it, dude.
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106. You don't get what I'm...
Look, I'm forging a connection
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107. with these women that will yield
for them the most awakening and
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108. unforgettable sexual
experience of their lives.
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109. Whatever!
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110. I don't care about any of this!
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111. We're gonna miss the movie!
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112. Yeah, come on.
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113. Hey, Thundergun
it up on the curb.
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114. Yes, go on the curb!
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115. Thundergun it
all the way down.
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116. Thundergun's not a verb.
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117. Stop using it as a verb.
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118. There's nothing I can do.
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119. It's the man's name.
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120. Just calm down. We'll get there.
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121. Well, I tell you one thing.
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122. I could walk faster
than we're moving.
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123. What are you guys doing?
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124. Oh, wait!
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125. Get back here, you
sons of bitches!
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126. Thundergun leaves no man behind!
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127. We'll come back for you!
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128. Are you kidding me?
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129. Come on!
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130. Damn.
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131. Please.
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132. Shit.
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133. All the streets are blocked.
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134. Hey, let's ask this cop.
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135. Excuse me, Officer.
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136. Uh, we need to get through.
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137. I can't help you.
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138. The street's closed down
all the way to Spring.
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139. Yeah, but this
is an emergency.
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140. It's not my problem.
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141. You gotta go around.
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142. All right, we gotta
find a new point of entry.
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143. Attack the target from
a different angle.
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144. Whoa! Hold on.
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145. What are you talking
about attacking?
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146. No, no, no, we're not
terrorists or anything.
Copy !req
147. We're just... We're trying to get
to a movie, Thundergun Express.
Copy !req
148. Oh, Thundergun Express, huh?
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149. You better get going.
Copy !req
150. You don't want to miss one
second of that movie.
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151. Is it that good?
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152. It's the best goddamn movie
I ever seen in my life.
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153. Dude, hangs dong.
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154. I told them that!
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155. I told them!
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156. I don't want to miss that!
Copy !req
157. All right, maybe we take a cab.
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158. What about that?
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159. A cab? Dee, don't be a fool!
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160. We'll never get a cab out here.
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161. Plus, we'll just sit in
traffic like everybody else.
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162. Yeah, we'll be
stuck like Dennis.
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163. The trolley!
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164. The trolley.
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165. We can make it, Frank!
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166. Come on!
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167. Yes.
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168. No surrender, baby!
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169. Come on! Come on, Frank.
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170. I'm coming.
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171. Come on. You can make it.
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172. I'm coming.
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173. No, no, no, no, no!
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174. I'm not gonna make it.
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175. No, hop off!
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176. Hop... Don't leave me here!
Copy !req
177. We'll come back for you!
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178. You bastards!
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179. "You take too long.
Copy !req
180. You take too long, Dennis."
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181. Screw you, Mac.
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182. I don't take that long.
Copy !req
183. I'll show you who
takes too long.
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184. Son of a bitch.
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185. Let's see.
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186. We got Amanda, we got Brenda.
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187. Ah, Alison.
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188. Let's find out if Alison thought
that I, that I took too long.
Copy !req
189. Too bad the museum
is closed on Wednesdays.
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190. I know.
Copy !req
191. I guess we can hang out here and
get to know each other instead.
Copy !req
192. That's a good one.
Copy !req
193. What's with all the locks?
Copy !req
194. I want you to feel safe.
Copy !req
195. So your father took off when
you were pretty young, huh?
Copy !req
196. That must have been difficult.
Copy !req
197. Yeah, I could probably speed
things up a little bit.
Copy !req
198. I mean...
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199. Thanks very much.
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200. Careful now. There you go.
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201. Watch your step, ladies.
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202. Very good. Thank you.
Copy !req
203. Hey, guy, can you...
can you take me up the river?
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204. I gotta get a mile up the river.
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205. Tour is $15.
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206. I left my wallet at home.
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207. I only got a, I got a
quarter to my name.
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208. Look, I can't help you, pal.
Copy !req
209. All right, folks.
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210. Everybody, take your seats.
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211. I'll be right back.
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212. We'll get this tour
underway, okay?
Copy !req
213. Hang in there.
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214. I swear, I'll take care of
you when I get up there.
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215. Sorry, dude.
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216. Hi, I'm your new captain, Frank.
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217. I'm gonna take you
up the river, okay?
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218. Here we go.
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219. What happened to Captain Tom?
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220. Uh, Captain Tom turned out
to be a goddamn junkie!
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221. Hang on.
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222. You, uh, you're going too fast.
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223. Huh?
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224. Too fast.
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225. It's the, it's the fast tour.
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226. It's the quick one.
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227. Quick tour.
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228. Why aren't you telling
us what anything is?
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229. Like what?
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230. What is that
building over there?
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231. Uh, that's a big building.
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232. It's a brick building,
red brick building.
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233. I don't know that
the hell it is.
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234. It's a old building.
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235. Can you please use microphone?
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236. Very difficult for people
to hear in back, okay?
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237. Oh, oh, the microphone.
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238. Okay. All right.
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239. You hear that?
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240. Yeah.
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241. Yeah, okay.
Copy !req
242. Well, we're on the Schuylkill River,
and, uh, it's home to many, uh, weird
Copy !req
243. fish-like creatures.
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244. And also the depository of, uh,
all of the unsolved crimes and
Copy !req
245. murders in Philadelphia.
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246. Yeah.
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247. That trolley kicked ass.
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248. We're just like a couple blocks
from the theater, I think.
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249. Yeah.
Copy !req
250. Thundergun himself would have
been proud of that move.
Copy !req
251. Of course, he'd be proud.
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252. We didn't hesitate.
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253. We didn't surrender.
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254. Yeah.
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255. We did leave a couple
men behind, though.
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256. That's true.
Copy !req
257. But we didn't hesitate to
leave those men behind.
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258. Yeah.
Copy !req
259. Plus, I hung dong
on the trolley.
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260. You guys missed that.
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261. No, I didn't miss it.
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262. I saw it.
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263. I just chose to ignore it.
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264. I saw it.
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265. Looked like a button
in a fur coat.
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266. Either way, it was
totally Thundergun.
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267. If Thundergun's dong looks like that,
we should all get our money back.
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268. Yeah, I'm walking
out of the movie.
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269. It was more of a ding
than a dong really, Mac.
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270. I got a lot of good ones and thumbs up and...
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271. Aw.
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272. Goddamn it.
Copy !req
273. Another closure.
Copy !req
274. All right, think, think.
What would Thundergun do right now?
Copy !req
275. Oh, shit.
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276. Okay, listen, hear me out.
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277. Let's fire down that sewer.
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278. Frank and I do it all the time.
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279. I know my way around.
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280. We'll be over there in a jiff.
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281. Uh, I don't know.
Copy !req
282. Sewer, huh?
Copy !req
283. All right, let's do it.
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284. We've come this far, right?
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285. Right?
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286. No, no, no, no.
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287. Our clothes will
get soaking wet.
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288. It's going to ruin
the whole movie.
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289. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
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290. I know what it is.
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291. He's scared he's going to be too
fat to fit down that gutter.
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292. That is what it is.
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293. No, it isn't.
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294. It has nothing to do with it.
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295. Look, sewers are
disgusting, that's why.
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296. Your big fat body is
what's disgusting.
Copy !req
297. And you're embarrassed about it.
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298. We are not going in the
sewer, and that is final.
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299. Oh, oh, yeah?
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300. Ah.
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301. Guys, guys, guys, come on.
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302. Don't... goddamn it.
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303. I'm coming through, guys.
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304. Here I come.
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305. Here I come.
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306. Oh, wait.
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307. Oh, you know what?
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308. It turns out I-I am...
I am too muscular, and I-I can't fit through.
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309. Look like you're stuck, huh?
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310. Well, yeah.
Copy !req
311. So my-my-my muscles stop
me from gaining access.
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312. Sorry, Mac.
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313. Why don't you guys come out, and then...
I'll tell you what?
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314. We'll come back for you.
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315. Yeah.
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316. That's what I told Dennis
and Frank, and I was lying.
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317. I know.
Copy !req
318. So are we...!
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319. You sons of bitches!
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320. Oh, you sons of bitches!
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321. You sons of bitches!
Copy !req
322. Out of the way,
you fat dickhead.
Copy !req
323. Think. Think.
Copy !req
324. Think. Think.
Copy !req
325. No surrender.
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326. No surrender.
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327. Shitty bike.
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328. You seem cold.
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329. Perhaps you'd be more
comfortable under the covers.
Copy !req
330. Now, we're talking.
Copy !req
331. Okay, Alison.
Copy !req
332. All right.
Copy !req
333. Hey, hey, guys.
Copy !req
334. What are you do...
Mac, can we help you?
Copy !req
335. Goddamn, Mac.
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336. Oh, oh, I thought I
heard you call my name.
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337. I did not call your name.
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338. Oh, okay.
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339. Well, I'll be right outside
if you need anything.
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340. We're not gonna need
anything, okay?
Copy !req
341. If fact, go ahead and
leave the keys in here.
Copy !req
342. Now I have to re-demonstrate my values,
so that's gonna increase the time.
Copy !req
343. I think I need to
be getting home.
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344. My mom is going to
start to worry.
Copy !req
345. Wait. Your mom?
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346. How old are you?
Copy !req
347. Sixteen.
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348. Sixteen?
Copy !req
349. No get... what are you...
get... Whoa, shit.
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350. That's not good.
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351. Why do I still have this tape?
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352. That's ridiculous.
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353. Goddamn it.
Copy !req
354. Shit.
Copy !req
355. Well, now, this is an
interesting development.
Copy !req
356. I gotta say, Charlie, this
sewer is pretty gross, but
Copy !req
357. it's not nearly as gross as
I thought it was gonna be.
Copy !req
358. No, it's no bad now.
Copy !req
359. But like any minute, you know, a
wall of water could just come
Copy !req
360. gushing through here.
Copy !req
361. So we should keep moving.
Copy !req
362. Wait, wall of water?
Copy !req
363. Yeah, well, you know,
it's not just water.
Copy !req
364. It's like dog shit and street sludge.
You know, they divert it to
Copy !req
365. different channels
throughout the day.
Copy !req
366. Oh, my God.
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367. You know, it's sewage.
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368. It's sewage.
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369. Yeah.
Copy !req
370. Oh, you know what, Dee?
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371. Dee?
Copy !req
372. Can we get naked really quick?
Copy !req
373. No.
Copy !req
374. Oh, right.
Copy !req
375. Do you mind if I do?
Copy !req
376. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
377. Well, see the thing is, like,
if a, if a wall of water comes
Copy !req
378. through, it's actually pretty
sweet to be naked 'cause then
Copy !req
379. you can hold your clothes up.
Copy !req
380. You know, and then that piss and
shit just kind of flows over you.
Copy !req
381. It's more refreshing
than you think.
Copy !req
382. And then you have dry
clothes afterwards.
Copy !req
383. And it's a lot better than having
the sewage on your clothes.
Copy !req
384. I understand.
Copy !req
385. And I'm a little relieved, but
it's still not good enough
Copy !req
386. for, so I'm going to
keep my clothes on.
Copy !req
387. Oh, look at Queen Dee, who's
too good to get naked with her
Copy !req
388. buddy all of a sudden.
Copy !req
389. Okay, I don't...
why are you making it about that?
Copy !req
390. I just... I didn't want...
You know what? t?
Copy !req
391. This is a preposterous
conversation we're having.
Copy !req
392. This is a functional
conversation.
Copy !req
393. This is a preposterous
conversation.
Copy !req
394. This is not a sexual thing.
Copy !req
395. You know what?
Copy !req
396. Let's just go.
Copy !req
397. Let's just go.
Copy !req
398. There's no walls of water.
Copy !req
399. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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400. Shit.
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401. My shoe's stuck.
Copy !req
402. Well, pull it out.
Copy !req
403. If I could pull it out,
would it be stuck?
Copy !req
404. Take your shoe off.
Copy !req
405. I'm not going to take my shoe
off and walk around barefoot in
Copy !req
406. this disgusting sewer.
Copy !req
407. Oh, the queen again, everyone.
Copy !req
408. The queen speaks.
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409. Shut up.
Copy !req
410. Charlie, we don't
have time for this.
Copy !req
411. I have an idea, though.
Copy !req
412. Why don't you take your shoes
off and give them to me?
Copy !req
413. No, you'll stretch mine out.
Copy !req
414. No, come on, Charlie, you
were fine taking all your
Copy !req
415. clothes off and walking
around in this gross place.
Copy !req
416. Dee, you'll stretch them out.
Copy !req
417. All right, Charlie, stop
screwing around, okay?
Copy !req
418. We're going to miss the movie.
Copy !req
419. No, we're...
Copy !req
420. You're right.
Copy !req
421. Where are you going?
Copy !req
422. What are you doing?
Copy !req
423. I'll come back for you.
Copy !req
424. No. No.
Copy !req
425. I'll come back for you.
Copy !req
426. Don't... don't you do that.
Copy !req
427. Don't you...
Charlie, get back here right now!
Copy !req
428. Goddamn it!
Copy !req
429. Oh, goddamn it!
Copy !req
430. Aw, man!
Copy !req
431. Come on.
Copy !req
432. Come on.
Copy !req
433. What is that?
Copy !req
434. What is that?
Copy !req
435. Charlie?
Copy !req
436. Is that the wall of water?
Copy !req
437. No, Charlie.
Copy !req
438. Charlie, I hear the
wall of water!
Copy !req
439. Come back for me!
Copy !req
440. So they'll send a tow
truck and everything?
Copy !req
441. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
442. Don't worry about that.
Copy !req
443. Tow truck is on its way.
Copy !req
444. I see you were born 1985.
Copy !req
445. Si.
Copy !req
446. Yeah, so everything
checks out there.
Copy !req
447. Beautiful.
Copy !req
448. Oh, it's so cool that you own
a chain of auto body repair
Copy !req
449. shops.
Copy !req
450. I wish I new how to fix cars.
Copy !req
451. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
452. Well, auto body repair has
always been a bit of a passion
Copy !req
453. of mine.
Copy !req
454. I also invented Facebook
with the Winklevoss twins.
Copy !req
455. Really?
Copy !req
456. Yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
457. Zuckerberg didn't do shit.
Copy !req
458. Yeah, he really screwed
us on that one.
Copy !req
459. I got some hush money,
so it's all good.
Copy !req
460. It's all good.
Copy !req
461. But, uh, I don't want to waste
anymore time here, so...
Copy !req
462. No man left behind!
Copy !req
463. Goddamn it, Mac.
Copy !req
464. What the hell are
you doing here?
Copy !req
465. I came back for you like I said
I would, like Thundergun does.
Copy !req
466. Who's the brown girl?
Copy !req
467. Uh, Elena.
Copy !req
468. We got into a little bit
of a fender bender.
Copy !req
469. She was on her way to see
Thundergun, too.
Copy !req
470. What are the odds of that, huh?
Copy !req
471. I seen it twice already.
Copy !req
472. Oh, it's amazing.
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473. What's with the helmet, bro?
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474. Pretty cool, huh?
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475. Yeah, bonito.
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476. Dude, the helmet
is sweet as shit.
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477. It's very Thundergun.
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478. I'm going to wear
it during the movie.
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479. Looks like traffic is
clearing up, huh?
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480. Yeah, it does.
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481. All right.
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482. Punch it.
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483. And Charlie and I,
we go down the sewer.
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484. And first thing we do is to
preserve our clothes, we take...
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485. take our clothes off.
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486. We get totally naked because
you don't want to get wet.
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487. We ball our clothes up.
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488. We stick them up
some place high.
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489. There's this waitress who
Charlie's in love with.
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490. And, uh, I banged her.
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491. Charlie got really upset
when I banged the waitress.
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492. Uh, but it was a lot of fun.
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493. She was a nice piece of ass.
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494. We don't know who
you're talking about.
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495. Charlie.
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496. He's my buddy.
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497. We sleep together.
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498. We hang out together.
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499. Once I pooped in the bed.
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500. I blamed it on him.
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501. One time the guys got
hooked on crack.
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502. It was really crazy.
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503. Well, they found a
baby in a Dumpster.
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504. They wanted to make some money
with the baby, but nobody would
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505. buy the baby because
it was white.
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506. So they had to turn it brown.
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507. We were fighting over the sword.
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508. And just about when we were about
to hit each other with the
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509. sword, Social Services came in,
thought we were killing the baby.
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510. I-I don't
understand this tour.
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511. Charlie wrote this musical.
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512. Oh, man, it was really funny.
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513. I played a troll on the musical.
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514. A troll?
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515. Yeah.
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516. And it's called The
Nightman Cometh.
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517. I could sing you my
song, if you like.
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518. You gotta... you gotta pay the
troll toll to get into this
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519. boy's hole.
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520. Yeah, and, uh...
But you gotta pay to get in.
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521. I was saying, "soul."
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522. He thought I was
saying, "boy's hole."
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523. One of the things I like doing
most is banging whores.
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524. I, uh, I go out and
bang a lot of whores.
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525. Listen, here's the thing.
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526. I'm going to have to
jump off here.
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527. So you guys enjoy the rest of
the tour on your own, okay?
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528. How are we supposed to
get back to our tour bus?
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529. That's your problem.
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530. Welcome to Philly.
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531. No hesitation.
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532. Nah, no surrender.
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533. No hesitation.
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534. No surrender.
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535. No surrender.
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536. No surrender.
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537. No surren...
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538. Oh, shit.
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539. I surrender.
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540. Coming soon to a
theater near you.
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541. All right, okay, there's
a nice way to do that.
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542. There's a nice way to do that.
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543. From the director...
Ooh! Aah!
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544. That's tart.
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545. This seat taken right here?
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546. Charlie, you made it.
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547. What's up, Mac?
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548. I got a seat right
in the middle, bro.
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549. Aw, dude, that's an
awesome helmet, man.
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550. Thanks, dude.
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551. Yo, where's Dee?
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552. Uh, she couldn't
make it, bro.
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553. Wasn't Thundergun enough.
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554. How about Dennis?
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555. Oh, yeah, he's here.
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556. He's Thundergunning some
Mexican chick in the back.
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557. Nice.
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558. He's moving a lot faster
than usual, huh?
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559. I think he's
getting a hand job.
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560. Oh, I am.
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561. Hand job.
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562. Hey, can you guys,
uh, maybe be quiet?
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563. Well, why don't you switch
seats with us if it's bothering
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564. you so much.
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565. Just switch seats, you
know what I mean?
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566. Just switch seats.
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567. Yeah, okay.
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568. All right.
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569. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
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570. Squeeze in, squeeze in.
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571. Hey, Dee, you made it.
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572. Yeah, you bet
your ass I made it.
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573. Charlie, my clothes are dry.
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574. You held them over your head?
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575. Took them all off.
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576. Held them over my head.
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577. I told you that
water was coming.
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578. No problem. Yeah.
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579. Excuse me, Miss?
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580. Yeah.
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581. But your stench
is unbearable.
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582. It's bad, isn't it?
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583. Yes.
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584. That's shit in my
hair, that's why.
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585. What if you switch seats, and
then I can be closer to those
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586. guys and you can...
Babe, let's get outta here.
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587. We won't smell as much, and
then you won't hear all the
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588. talking and...
Congratulations.
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589. This is a much better seat.
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590. So the water wall came, huh?
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591. Yeah, came with a vengeance.
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592. Dennis is getting a
hand job in the back.
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593. Seriously?
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594. Yeah.
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595. Oh, congratulations.
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596. Well, we're all here.
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597. Except Frank.
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598. I wonder where Frank is?
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599. Okay, you got one phone
call, make it quick.
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600. Thank you, ma'am.
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601. 911. What is your emergency?
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602. I'd like to report
a bomb threat.
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603. He's not qualified...
Would you shut up?
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604. The movie's about to start.
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605. Can you shut up?
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606. Well, switch with us if
you're getting so upset.
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607. Fine.
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608. Yeah, why don't you
go up there and then...
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609. We're having a conversation.
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610. Bad attitude.
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611. Talk about shutting up.
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612. Dennis, you're going
to like the seat.
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613. At a certain point, it's your
fault, you know what I mean, for
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614. not moving.
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615. That's right.
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616. This is Elena, everybody.
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617. Oh! Oh!
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618. This is going to be bad ass!
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619. What's going on?
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620. Folks, please don't panic, but
we've received a bomb threat.
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621. We ask that you remain calm
and exit the theater in an
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622. orderly fashion.
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623. Bomb threat?
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624. No.
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625. Bomb threat?
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626. Oh, shit.
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627. Goddamn it, Frank.
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628. He Thundergunned all of us.
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629. He Thundergunned
the shit out of us.
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630. Frank?
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