1. Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.Copy !req
2. It's been one week since
my last confession.Copy !req
3. Okay, my son.Copy !req
4. In the name of the Father, Son and
Holy Spirit, what is your confession?Copy !req
5. I'm fat.Copy !req
6. Oh, great and angry God, I
command thee to smite my friends!Copy !req
7. Now, calm down, son.Copy !req
8. Calm down.Copy !req
9. Let's try and remain composed.Copy !req
10. Okay, Father.Copy !req
11. I'll try, but I can't promise
anything 'cause I'm pretty excitable.Copy !req
12. Also, I'm super pissed because
my friends made me fat.Copy !req
13. How did your friends make you fat?Copy !req
14. Were they force-feeding you?Copy !req
15. Well, no, not exactly.Copy !req
16. This whole thing started because
we became incredibly successful,Copy !req
17. and then they became monsters, which
in turn made them make me fat.Copy !req
18. So, really, I'd like to confess on them,
because they're sinners and pricks.Copy !req
19. Son, I don't think you understand
the purpose of confession.Copy !req
20. Right.Copy !req
21. All right.Copy !req
22. Sorry, Father.Copy !req
23. You need the context.Copy !req
24. Let me start at the beginning.Copy !req
25. Now, my friends and I own and
operate a bar in South Philly.Copy !req
26. And a few weeks ago, we became more
successful than we ever have before.Copy !req
27. It was insane.Copy !req
28. Oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
29. Look who's back!Copy !req
30. I scored a shitload of fireworks.Copy !req
31. Out of my way, Frank.Copy !req
32. Oh.Copy !req
33. Hey.Copy !req
34. Whoa.Copy !req
35. North Carolina— what
a hell of a state.Copy !req
36. Not now, Frank.Copy !req
37. We're packed.Copy !req
38. What the shit is
going on around here?Copy !req
39. I really don't get it.Copy !req
40. I don't see how we're so popular now.Copy !req
41. Guys, we may have tipped.Copy !req
42. Uh-oh.Copy !req
43. No, this is a good thing.Copy !req
44. This is what happens with
success in business.Copy !req
45. Hmm?Copy !req
46. Okay, if you keep making the
right decisions over time,Copy !req
47. eventually you will get to a point where
you tip, and you become successful.Copy !req
48. It's like that book The Tipping Point.Copy !req
49. I totally buy that.Copy !req
50. I totally— like, check
out this decision.Copy !req
51. I keep a very clean bar
every day, very tidy.Copy !req
52. I think people respond to that.Copy !req
53. They say, "What was that clean
bar I was at the other week?"Copy !req
54. And then they show up again.Copy !req
55. And then someone says, "Hey,
did you see that clean bar?Copy !req
56. Let's go there."Copy !req
57. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
58. And my comedy, you know.Copy !req
59. Like, all my, all my funny jokes
and stuff that I throw out.Copy !req
60. You know, I'm like the cute, funny
waitress who has all theseCopy !req
61. one-liners and hilarious jabs I
throw at the customers, and ICopy !req
62. add all that charm to the place.Copy !req
63. That's-That's probably doing it.Copy !req
64. Yeah, good-looking guy like
myself, takes pride in hisCopy !req
65. personal appearance, takes pride
in his personal hygiene, hasCopy !req
66. great hair.Copy !req
67. You know, you put a guy like that
behind the bar, and peopleCopy !req
68. will eventually flock to this man.Copy !req
69. That-That's what you're saying, yeah.Copy !req
70. That's what you're saying.Copy !req
71. Sort of.Copy !req
72. I didn't think it was...
No, the point is that we gotCopy !req
73. to keep doing what it is that we do.Copy !req
74. Yes.Copy !req
75. No matter how psychotically vain...
Right.Copy !req
76. or needy and pathetic
or, I mean, just plain sad.Copy !req
77. Well, let's not put labels on
it, 'cause we don't know whichCopy !req
78. one is the one that is the most...Copy !req
79. If we keep doing all of it...
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
80. then we'll keep tipping up.Copy !req
81. Yes.Copy !req
82. Nice.Copy !req
83. In order to maintain this
success, I do think though weCopy !req
84. need to get some rest.Copy !req
85. Let's do the right thing here for
once in our lives, and let'sCopy !req
86. go home and get a good night's sleep.Copy !req
87. But that sleep would never
come, Father, because successCopy !req
88. was about to change everything.Copy !req
89. Hey, Charlie, you asleep?Copy !req
90. Charlie, are you asleep?Copy !req
91. No. No.Copy !req
92. I had a great idea.Copy !req
93. I don't want to hear it.Copy !req
94. Frank, I'm a successful man now, okay?Copy !req
95. I need to maintain a certain level
of excellence, so I can'tCopy !req
96. have you, like, telling me
terrible ideas all night, 'causeCopy !req
97. that brings me off my excellence, okay?Copy !req
98. Okay, but this is a great idea.Copy !req
99. I don't want to...
We take, we take the M-80sCopy !req
100. that I have, and we stic'em in
some lamb and pa-cha, we blow it up!Copy !req
101. What are you looking to do?Copy !req
102. Like, flash-cook a-a gyro sandwich?Copy !req
103. Yeah.Copy !req
104. That's a good idea.Copy !req
105. Flash-cook a sandwich.Copy !req
106. Oh, my God...
Cook the meat immediately.Copy !req
107. I mean, what you're talking
about is just a meat bomb, andCopy !req
108. that's a waste of a good lamb.Copy !req
109. So if you're done with coming up
with terrible ideas, um, I'mCopy !req
110. going to go back to bed.Copy !req
111. A meat bomb!Copy !req
112. You-You blow it up.Copy !req
113. I mean, like, just take the
thing and stick it...Copy !req
114. I'm going to the crevice!Copy !req
115. No, no, no, no!Copy !req
116. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie,
don't go in the crevice.Copy !req
117. Charlie, don't go in the crevice.Copy !req
118. I'm going in the crevice.Copy !req
119. Come on, don't go in the crevice.Copy !req
120. Oh, come on, man.Copy !req
121. Oh, my God!Copy !req
122. Yello.Copy !req
123. Hey-o.Copy !req
124. It's Mac.Copy !req
125. What's up?Copy !req
126. Hey-o!Copy !req
127. 'Sup?Copy !req
128. Yeah, I'm going to go out and rage.Copy !req
129. Is Charlie there?Copy !req
130. Hey, it's Mac.Copy !req
131. He wants to go rage.Copy !req
132. I don't care.Copy !req
133. I'm in the crevice.Copy !req
134. He's in the crevice.Copy !req
135. Shit, he's in the crevice?Copy !req
136. I'll come out with you.Copy !req
137. We'll go out.Copy !req
138. You and me, we'll go together.Copy !req
139. We'll have a ball.Copy !req
140. Hello?Copy !req
141. I-I'm not seeing how this
relates to your weight gain.Copy !req
142. Uh, I'm telling a story, Father.Copy !req
143. Frank's not a guy that usually
comes up with plans.Copy !req
144. I mean, you want to know all the
key players and how successCopy !req
145. affected them, right?Copy !req
146. Well, I think your time could
be better spent if you focusCopy !req
147. more on yourself.Copy !req
148. But I haven't done very much wrong.Copy !req
149. Okay, you know what, Father?Copy !req
150. I'm just going to plow ahead,
because I'm sensing someCopy !req
151. resistance.Copy !req
152. And Dennis always tells me, never
let someone's resistanceCopy !req
153. stop you from getting what you want.Copy !req
154. So, the bar's success continued.Copy !req
155. But Dee's inflated ego about her
comedy was keeping her fromCopy !req
156. doing her job.Copy !req
157. Kids these days, they have so
many more choices than we hadCopy !req
158. when we were little.Copy !req
159. Am I right?Copy !req
160. Excuse me? Excuse me?Copy !req
161. I mean, it's like, do youCopy !req
162. want to watch Kung Fu
Panda on Blu-ray... Excuse me?Copy !req
163. Oh, my God. Yeah?Copy !req
164. We are still waiting on those beers.Copy !req
165. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
166. Right in the middle of the joke.Copy !req
167. And now where was I with it?Copy !req
168. Can, um, we get those margaritas
that we ordered a while ago, as well?Copy !req
169. That'd be great.Copy !req
170. Yeah.Copy !req
171. Can I finish the joke?Copy !req
172. 'Cause the funny part comes at the
end, so you're going to missCopy !req
173. it if you don't... Right.
No, you-you keep trying to tell jokes and...Copy !req
174. Well, you keep interrupting
me, and that's why I'm not...Copy !req
175. Well, they're not really
landing is what I'm trying to...Copy !req
176. Oh, they're not landing
because I'm not getting to theCopy !req
177. punch line, so if you could just
be patient and let me get it out.Copy !req
178. Kids these days have so many more choices...
No, don't, don't try toCopy !req
179. finish the joke.Copy !req
180. Don't try to finish the joke.Copy !req
181. I'm not even going to listen.Copy !req
182. Oh, I just want my margarita, I
just want my margarita, I justCopy !req
183. want my margarita.Copy !req
184. You know what, you're not
getting your margarita.Copy !req
185. Thanks.Copy !req
186. Why do we have this?Copy !req
187. What is this?Copy !req
188. Dude, where the hell have you been?Copy !req
189. Uh, slept in.Copy !req
190. You slept in?Copy !req
191. It's, like, almost the
middle of the night, man.Copy !req
192. Why were you sleeping in?Copy !req
193. Oh, God.Copy !req
194. Well, because I drank three
bottles of champagne and hungCopy !req
195. out with a stray dog all
night under a bridge, okay?Copy !req
196. It was sweet.Copy !req
197. Can I please get, like, 20
margaritas so this bitch willCopy !req
198. listen to my kid joke?Copy !req
199. Okay, first of all, your
jokes never land, all right?Copy !req
200. So please don't concentrate on
your comedy anymore, 'cause it'sCopy !req
201. terrible, all right?Copy !req
202. I'm sorry, I said it.Copy !req
203. Look, can we just do
what we normally do?Copy !req
204. I shouldn't even be
bartending, all right?Copy !req
205. I'm in over my head, I'm yelling
at customers 'cause I'm gettingCopy !req
206. a little agitated here.Copy !req
207. Can Dennis please come
here and do this?Copy !req
208. Where is Dennis?Copy !req
209. Dennis is in the bathroom, and
he's been there for, like, an hour.Copy !req
210. Okay, company meeting in
the bathroom, okay, guys?Copy !req
211. Company meeting.Copy !req
212. Let's go.Copy !req
213. Dennis?Copy !req
214. Where are you, bud?Copy !req
215. Company meeting.Copy !req
216. Uh, I'm in here.Copy !req
217. All right, good, man.Copy !req
218. Hop on out. Company meeting.Copy !req
219. I don't want to.Copy !req
220. You have to.Copy !req
221. It's a company meeting.Copy !req
222. You have to... No.Copy !req
223. What's going on in there?Copy !req
224. I'm bashing it.Copy !req
225. Huh?Copy !req
226. I'm bashing it.Copy !req
227. Oh, no. Don't bash.Copy !req
228. Don't bash.Copy !req
229. I'll come out. I'll come out.Copy !req
230. Oh.Copy !req
231. Uh, I saw a couple gray
hairs, and I was, like, "I'llCopy !req
232. eradicate those," and then...
With black paint?Copy !req
233. Well, just-just go
easy on me, all right?Copy !req
234. Don't make fun of me or anything.Copy !req
235. I feel very sensitive right now.Copy !req
236. It's hard to maintain all this.Copy !req
237. You look like Superman.Copy !req
238. Oh, cool. Yeah, right on.Copy !req
239. Well, he was the
original, right, so...?Copy !req
240. The original what?Copy !req
241. S-Superhero. He was, like... Ugh.Copy !req
242. Is that what you're going for?Copy !req
243. No.Copy !req
244. Dude, come on.Copy !req
245. It would be that obvious,
like, if you didn't know me.Copy !req
246. You'd be, like, "Oh, shit.
Maybe that's Superman."Copy !req
247. No, you wouldn't.Copy !req
248. Everyone knows who Superman is,
and they know it's not you.Copy !req
249. Shit. Right.Copy !req
250. Guys, come on.Copy !req
251. Clearly, success is starting
to get to all of us.Copy !req
252. We can't be Superman.Copy !req
253. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
254. Uh, yeah. No shit.Copy !req
255. I'm running around like
an animal out there.Copy !req
256. I mean, all I'm doing
is serving drinks.Copy !req
257. You're supposed to serve
drinks; You're a waitress.Copy !req
258. People need their drinks, and we need
a waitress to serve those drinks.Copy !req
259. Guys, don't change now.Copy !req
260. All right?Copy !req
261. We have a certain chemistry
that got us here to begin with.Copy !req
262. All right?Copy !req
263. We don't need to start...
Oh, that's terrible.Copy !req
264. Let's just get back out there and
step it up a little bit, please.Copy !req
265. Let's just get back to work,
man, and do what we do, okay?Copy !req
266. You're not good.Copy !req
267. "Back to work.Copy !req
268. Back to work, everybody.Copy !req
269. I'm Charlie, and I'm in
charge all of a sudden."Copy !req
270. Are you eating in there?Copy !req
271. Uh, yeah, I got some donuts and
some M&Ms and some, uh, chips.Copy !req
272. I could pass them through
if you want some.Copy !req
273. You aren't allowed to eat in here.Copy !req
274. I'm sorry, Father.Copy !req
275. I-I have enough.Copy !req
276. If you want a donut, I
could give you one.Copy !req
277. You better put that away and
come back when you're finished.Copy !req
278. Okay.Copy !req
279. I... I'm done... done.Copy !req
280. Uh, so Charlie was up all night
working, and Frank was stillCopy !req
281. coming up with plans,
and they were not good.Copy !req
282. Oh, shit.Copy !req
283. Oh, my God.Copy !req
284. It's morning already, huh?Copy !req
285. Ow!Copy !req
286. Hey, that's good.Copy !req
287. You want to do that to people?Copy !req
288. What is that?Copy !req
289. What are you doing?Copy !req
290. It's a plan.Copy !req
291. We'll do it to people.Copy !req
292. We'll go around... Look at that.Copy !req
293. Look at the look on your face.Copy !req
294. That's so good.Copy !req
295. Frank, I don't even think
you know what a plan is, dude.Copy !req
296. All right, I got something else
I've been working on all night.Copy !req
297. Come on, come with me.Copy !req
298. Lock up, let's go, come with me.Copy !req
299. Don't hit me with the stick again.
Oh, my God.Copy !req
300. Okay, Charlie?Copy !req
301. All right, look at this now.Copy !req
302. I put two extra stop signs.Copy !req
303. Yeah.Copy !req
304. Now there's four stop signs.Copy !req
305. All right So no cars can go.Copy !req
306. Frank, you've just created
a four-way intersection.Copy !req
307. If anything, you've made
this intersection safer.Copy !req
308. No shit. Oh.Copy !req
309. Look, dude, I don't have time
for these shenanigans, all right?Copy !req
310. I need sleep.Copy !req
311. I'm a success now.Copy !req
312. I'm trying so hard not to tip.Copy !req
313. Ow.Copy !req
314. You need sleep?Copy !req
315. Stop hitting me with the
stick, dude, I swear to God...Copy !req
316. This is the plan, this is
the one we should have done.Copy !req
317. Don't hit me with that anymore. Oh!Copy !req
318. That was the one.Copy !req
319. You little bitch.Copy !req
320. And Charlie was, like, "I'm
gonna jam that stick up your ass."Copy !req
321. And then Frank was, like, "Come here,
you little bitch, uh, God damn it."Copy !req
322. Don't need to repeat all
of the obscene language.Copy !req
323. Oh, I'm sorry, Father.Copy !req
324. I... I got lost in the moment
because I'm a natural storyteller.Copy !req
325. Oh... Anyway, I was being super
prudent, and I was mapping outCopy !req
326. my successful lifestyle— you
know, champagne, sailing.Copy !req
327. I've always wanted to sail.Copy !req
328. I was really the only one who
was handling the success withCopy !req
329. class, to be honest with you.Copy !req
330. When Dee interrupted me with some
lazy plan to get out of working.Copy !req
331. Lazy's a sin, right?Copy !req
332. Uh, you mean sloth?Copy !req
333. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
334. Dee is guilty of sloth,
and she's pro-abortion.Copy !req
335. Hey.Copy !req
336. Okay, listen to this.Copy !req
337. One sec.Copy !req
338. Just picking out the places I want to
avoid when I sail across the world.Copy !req
339. No Africa for you, huh?Copy !req
340. No.Copy !req
341. I don't want to go to any
poor places, you know.Copy !req
342. Successful guy like myself,
I'll have a target on my back.Copy !req
343. Right.Copy !req
344. So, I guess... Okay. Well...
That's, uh... And, uh, too cold.Copy !req
345. Yeah.Copy !req
346. Ugh. Too violent.Copy !req
347. Yeah, it's hot down there.Copy !req
348. Too angry.Copy !req
349. Oh, the whole thing?Copy !req
350. You're just going to sail around the
United States is what it looks like.Copy !req
351. That's all you're... Uh, well, I
probably want to avoid, like, this.Copy !req
352. Yeah.Copy !req
353. Don't blame you for that.Copy !req
354. And I don't know
what happens out here.Copy !req
355. Okay, I tell you what.Copy !req
356. Uh, while you were planning all
of this, I came up with anCopy !req
357. amazing idea that's going
to save everything for us.Copy !req
358. You ready for this?Copy !req
359. We get ourselves replacements.Copy !req
360. That's not a very good idea.Copy !req
361. Well, stay with me.Copy !req
362. They're not just any replacements.Copy !req
363. They'll be the total embodiment
of us in looks and personalityCopy !req
364. so that we maintain the same group
chemistry and avoid tipping.Copy !req
365. So they'll be like our avatars?Copy !req
366. Sure, if that helps you.Copy !req
367. Let's tell Dennis.Copy !req
368. Okay, yeah.Copy !req
369. Hey, hey, hey, Dennis, wake up.Copy !req
370. I'm not sleeping.Copy !req
371. What are you doing?Copy !req
372. Why are you hiding under the covers?Copy !req
373. Mm.Copy !req
374. My God.Copy !req
375. Do I look foolish?Copy !req
376. Well, what in God's name
have you done to your face?Copy !req
377. I got a chemical peel.Copy !req
378. You look like a monster, dude.Copy !req
379. I was just trying to live up to
all of your expectations of me.Copy !req
380. What expectations?Copy !req
381. Physical perfection.Copy !req
382. What?Copy !req
383. Clearly, the success of the
bar has proved that I haveCopy !req
384. achieved physical perfection.Copy !req
385. And now there's nowhere else for
me to go but down from here.Copy !req
386. So now I'm hanging on by a thread.Copy !req
387. Why don't you lay off the
skin treatments for a while?Copy !req
388. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
389. Oh, you don't think I should
mess with my face anymore?Copy !req
390. Well, right now it looks
like you're wearing a mask ofCopy !req
391. yourself over your face.Copy !req
392. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
393. Not a good one, not
a nice mask of myself?Copy !req
394. Not a good one.Copy !req
395. Do you guys think that a normal
mask of me might look good?Copy !req
396. Oh, my God.Copy !req
397. And if there was,
would you guys wear it?Copy !req
398. What is happening?Copy !req
399. I'm very confused.Copy !req
400. I'm going to be alone.Copy !req
401. Okay.Copy !req
402. And without Dennis to shit all
over Dee's ideas with me, I wasCopy !req
403. lured into her very lazy,
slothy, sinful avatar plan.Copy !req
404. Mm, I got to say, I like
what I'm seeing here.Copy !req
405. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
406. Yeah, let me, uh... let me just
fill you in on what we're doing here.Copy !req
407. See, Mac and I run the hottest
bar in Philadelphia, and we areCopy !req
408. looking for a couple of employees
to fill our shoes, literally.Copy !req
409. Mm. That said, there's a set
of dumbbells to your feet there.Copy !req
410. I'd like you to lift those and curl
them, but don't do it in a normal way.Copy !req
411. Now, this is for a
bartending job, right?Copy !req
412. Yeah.Copy !req
413. Yeah, this is all part of it.Copy !req
414. Now, get to work beefcake.Copy !req
415. Okay. Guess I can fire
off a couple reverse curls.Copy !req
416. He said fire off.Copy !req
417. I like that.Copy !req
418. Yeah, I heard him.Copy !req
419. I like that.Copy !req
420. Look... look at that.Copy !req
421. Excellent.Copy !req
422. Oh, man.Copy !req
423. He executed those perfectly.Copy !req
424. Uh.Copy !req
425. That was exactly
what I'm talking about.Copy !req
426. I'd like to fast-track him, Dee.Copy !req
427. He's perfect.Copy !req
428. What? For you?Copy !req
429. Yeah, of course.Copy !req
430. What do...?Copy !req
431. He looks nothing like you.Copy !req
432. Well, no.Copy !req
433. I mean, since we've been working, I've
been neglecting my fitness regimen.Copy !req
434. He understands... No, no, no, no.Copy !req
435. You never, ever once in your
life have looked like that.Copy !req
436. When I leave the gym, and I
have a full pump... Yeah?Copy !req
437. Dee was right though.Copy !req
438. For me to use that gorgeous
muscle monster as my avatar, ICopy !req
439. had to put on some serious bulk.Copy !req
440. So did you go to the gym?Copy !req
441. The gym?Copy !req
442. Father, when Peter did the
statue of David, he wasn't justCopy !req
443. hammering at pebbles.Copy !req
444. First, he ordered the Jews to bring
him a massive slab of marble.Copy !req
445. Okay.Copy !req
446. Let's wrap this up.Copy !req
447. Right.Copy !req
448. Okay, so Charlie was
working his ass off.Copy !req
449. Uh, but the customers were getting
just as frustrated as he was.Copy !req
450. Clearly, the pressures of success
were cracking both he and Dennis.Copy !req
451. Hang on a second.Copy !req
452. Hang on a second.Copy !req
453. I got this guy.Copy !req
454. I got my man right here.Copy !req
455. You're the one who wanted the, uh, two
Coors Lights and the gin and tonic.Copy !req
456. Is that right?Copy !req
457. No.Copy !req
458. I've been waiting half an
hour for a Jack and Coke.Copy !req
459. You've been waiting half an hour?Copy !req
460. You've been waiting half an hour?Copy !req
461. Well, with an attitude like that, you
can wait another half an hour, buddy.Copy !req
462. Hey, this drink tastes like bleach.Copy !req
463. Because I'm dipping them in bleach
so that I can clean them faster.Copy !req
464. I don't have time to
wash every single glass.Copy !req
465. I dip it in bleach, then it's clean!Copy !req
466. I'm not drinking bleach.Copy !req
467. Then get out of my bar!Copy !req
468. Get out of my bar!Copy !req
469. I don't want to see you.Copy !req
470. Is that your buddy?Copy !req
471. You go with him.Copy !req
472. No, I don't even know him.Copy !req
473. You don't even know him.Copy !req
474. Okay, well, become friends,
and you walk home!Copy !req
475. Get out!Copy !req
476. Unbelievable.Copy !req
477. What's going on, man?Copy !req
478. What's going on, dude, is
that I'm completely overwhelmed.Copy !req
479. I suck at bartending.Copy !req
480. I'm going crazy.Copy !req
481. Everyone's yelling at me.Copy !req
482. They're getting all pissed off.Copy !req
483. Why is your face shiny?Copy !req
484. I had my skin
peeled off wh chemicals.Copy !req
485. Yeah?Copy !req
486. Want to know why?Copy !req
487. Not really.Copy !req
488. Well, it's just, uh, you
know, I've created a level ofCopy !req
489. success for myself that, uh, I
just don't know if I can live upCopy !req
490. to it anymore, man.Copy !req
491. My level of excellence is so high
that I'm feeling the pressures, man.Copy !req
492. Dude, I'm operating at
such an excellent level.Copy !req
493. It's insane.Copy !req
494. You know, I'm running at of ten
of excellence, and I'm used toCopy !req
495. being at whatever number.Copy !req
496. I-I don't even want to be at a—
like, somewhere lower, but whatever.Copy !req
497. The point is that I'm not
going to let the bar down.Copy !req
498. You know what I mean?Copy !req
499. He being on the tipping point is
about working hard and caringCopy !req
500. about that work and really
giving it your all.Copy !req
501. Let's get high in the back office.Copy !req
502. Let's get high and
drop all this, right?Copy !req
503. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
504. Deandra, you got to— all you
have to do is hold the pigeon,Copy !req
505. and I stick the M80 under
its wing, I blow it up.Copy !req
506. No, Frank.Copy !req
507. I'm not going to help
you detonate a pigeon.Copy !req
508. That would be terrible publicity
for a young comedienne.Copy !req
509. Well, you-you don't
have to do anything.Copy !req
510. I just— we stick the pigeon
in there, we run, the flockCopy !req
511. blows up, we got a lot of tasty meat.Copy !req
512. Hold on, hold on.Copy !req
513. Shut up.Copy !req
514. We have a pigeon feast.Copy !req
515. Shut up. What's going on?Copy !req
516. Where is everyone?Copy !req
517. I have all kinds of new
bits and no audience.Copy !req
518. Oh, shit.Copy !req
519. Maybe we tipped too soon.Copy !req
520. No. No.Copy !req
521. I was just starting to
get a taste of success.Copy !req
522. I need more.Copy !req
523. What's that?Copy !req
524. Music.Copy !req
525. Coming from in the back.Copy !req
526. Back here?Copy !req
527. What?Copy !req
528. Hey! What the hell are you
ck bags doing back here?Copy !req
529. The bar is completely empty.Copy !req
530. I'm watching Charlie do his
thing, and it's good, man.Copy !req
531. It's, like, good.Copy !req
532. It looks like we did tip, Deandra.Copy !req
533. We might as well sin and get high.Copy !req
534. I mean, I'm a sinner, too, right?Copy !req
535. Oh, ho, ho.Copy !req
536. Oh, Mac's the best.Copy !req
537. Oh, I love him.Copy !req
538. Isn't he?Copy !req
539. Also, I'm pro-abortion, so I'm
probably going straight to hell.Copy !req
540. Oh, oh, and I got fat.Copy !req
541. I'm much fatter than Mac.Copy !req
542. You're so fat, and, uh...
♪ Oh, big, fat, big, fat Big, fat tittiesCopy !req
543. You got big, fat titties.Copy !req
544. And I like to kill
babies, unborn babies.Copy !req
545. I'm not exactly sure how that
conversation went, but I imagineCopy !req
546. it was along those lines.Copy !req
547. The point is, six weeks later,
they dropped a bomb on me.Copy !req
548. We're not idiots.Copy !req
549. Of course, I'm going to take the
precaution of boiling the bloodCopy !req
550. before I use it.Copy !req
551. Yeah, now, that goes without saying.Copy !req
552. No, no, no.Copy !req
553. It does not matter if
you boil it, Charlie.Copy !req
554. You can't... you can't replace
Frank's blood with bags of bloodCopy !req
555. that you found behind a hospital.Copy !req
556. But... wait, wait.Copy !req
557. It just won't work.Copy !req
558. Dennis, he's not going
to replace my blood.Copy !req
559. He's going to add to it
to make me more virile.Copy !req
560. I'm just pumping more in.Copy !req
561. Yeah.Copy !req
562. So you're just going to be
bursting at the seams with blood?Copy !req
563. Yeah.Copy !req
564. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
565. Hey-o. What's up, bitches?Copy !req
566. I did it.Copy !req
567. I'm 200 pounds.Copy !req
568. I'm as big as my avatar.Copy !req
569. What's an avatar?Copy !req
570. You know the avatar that we're
going to get to do all ofCopy !req
571. our work for us, so I can go
sailing, and-and Dee can tellCopy !req
572. her stupid jokes, and Dennis can
pour more acid on his face.Copy !req
573. Are we still doing that?Copy !req
574. No. We-We gave that plan
up a really long time ago.Copy !req
575. Is that why you've been stuffing
your face for six weeks?Copy !req
576. Yeah. I've been trying to get as
big as my avatar, so we don't tip.Copy !req
577. Dude, that was, like,
a million plans ago.Copy !req
578. All of us, including you— we've
been engaged in many other plansCopy !req
579. and schemes since then.Copy !req
580. Wh-Where have you been?Copy !req
581. You guys dropped the tipping plan?Copy !req
582. Yeah.Copy !req
583. I thought we were just putting it on
the back burner until I hit two hundo.Copy !req
584. Why do you think we've been
calling you fat this entire time?Copy !req
585. Wh... Why wouldn't somebody
tell me that we dropped the plan?Copy !req
586. Stop chewing on food and
start thinking about what'sCopy !req
587. going on in the bar, and then you...Copy !req
588. Don't-Don't make fun of me, okay?Copy !req
589. I'm-I'm busting my ass out
there trying to do the avatarCopy !req
590. plan, and-and now you
guys are laughing at me.Copy !req
591. But you have candy
coming out of your pocket.Copy !req
592. I was hungry.Copy !req
593. I was hungry.Copy !req
594. Don't laugh at me.Copy !req
595. Don't laugh at me!Copy !req
596. Don't laugh at me.Copy !req
597. Is he trying to rip his shirt off?Copy !req
598. What are you doing?Copy !req
599. You guys are going to hell, okay?Copy !req
600. You guys are going to hell.Copy !req
601. Don't laugh at me.Copy !req
602. What are you doing?Copy !req
603. "Don't laugh at me."Copy !req
604. And that's it.Copy !req
605. So, now you understand.Copy !req
606. I understand none of it.Copy !req
607. Father, my friends totally boned me.Copy !req
608. They became successful,
egotistical monsters.Copy !req
609. They forced me into this avatar
thing, and now they're totallyCopy !req
610. ditching the plan.Copy !req
611. But it's all about the avatar.Copy !req
612. The beefcake avatar.Copy !req
613. But you weren't going to understand
that unless I told you the whole story.Copy !req
614. I'm going to be perfectly honest.Copy !req
615. I still don't know what
you want me to do.Copy !req
616. Okay, um, let me start at the
beginning, because clearly,Copy !req
617. you didn't understand it.Copy !req
618. No, no, no, no, no, no
, hat won't be necessary.Copy !req
619. Uh, if, uh... if I smite your friends
and absolve you, will you leave?Copy !req
620. Yeah.Copy !req
621. You're absolved, and
your friends are smited.Copy !req
622. In the name of the Father, Son
and Holy Spirit, please leave.Copy !req
623. Okay, great.Copy !req
624. Oh, um, when should I see the results?Copy !req
625. What are you talking about?Copy !req
626. Well, when does the spell kick in?Copy !req
627. Wh-When is God going to shed
some of this weight for me?Copy !req
628. Six weeks.Copy !req
629. Great.Copy !req
630. Not hard. Perfect.Copy !req
631. Uh, glory unto you, ghost man in
the sky, that created us all andCopy !req
632. pre-determines everything.Copy !req
633. I'll see you in six weeks.Copy !req