1. - What is the time capsule butt, butt?
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2. We're about to open this time capsule
that we buried 10 years ago.
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3. - Oh.
- Yeah.
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4. - What'd you put in there?
- Oh, man. We just put a bunch of stuff in here...
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5. that we thought
would be valuable one day.
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6. Like, uh, let's see...
We got a Gregg Jefferies baseball card.
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7. - Future All-Star. Future All-Star.
- Uh, we got a Korn CD.
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8. Uh, we got a copy
of Cider House Rules on laser disc.
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9. - Don't know why we thought that would be valuable.
- That's a collector's item.
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10. - That's gonna be very... Be very careful with that.
- Oh, my God, you guys.
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11. - This is a letter to my future self.
- What?
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12. Yeah. "Dear Future Dee,
how's Hollywood?
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13. Congrats on all of your success.
Stay grounded.
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14. Enclosed is a check
for one million dollars.
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15. Be sure to give it to Dr. Larry Meyers
as a thank-you for all of his inspiration."
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16. That's stupid. This is just stupid.
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17. - Who's Dr. Larry Meyers?
- Nobody. It doesn't matter.
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18. He was my high school drama teacher.
This is just dumb.
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19. Like, why would we
put such stupid stuff in here?
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20. And also, we buried it
and then we opened it 10 years later?
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21. What, are you supposed to just
bury it, open it right up...
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22. and not give yourself any time
to fulfill any kind of dreams?
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23. The whole thing's dumb.
Like... Cider House Rules? Okay.
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24. Hormones.
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25. - Wow.
- She's all worked up.
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26. - It's the failure.
- It's the failure.
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27. It's sad. It's sad.
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28. - What else is in there?
- Uh... Oh! Old pictures!
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29. - Pictures! Holy shit.
- Look at that!
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30. - Look!
- "The gang."
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31. Whew.
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32. Who's this jag-off? Look.
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33. - Oh, that's Schmitty!
- Schmitty!
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34. He was the fourth member
of our crew.
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35. - There was another member of the gang?
- Oh, yeah, dude.
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36. - I miss him. Why did we ditch him in the first place?
- I don't know.
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37. Eh, he wasn't a good fit.
Remember?
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38. You know?
Kind of got on our nerves.
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39. - He didn't get on my nerves.
- No, he never got on my nerves.
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40. I actually really loved that guy.
You know what?
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41. - I remember now. Charlie soured on him.
- No.
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42. And then he, like,
gave us an ultimatum.
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43. You remember? And then we
all turned on the guy pretty quickly.
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44. I mean, we all agreed
he was out of the...
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45. You pushed him out of a moving car
and yelled, "You're out of the gang!"
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46. Now, in hindsight
that does seem a little rash.
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47. Yeah, it was a bit of a snap decision.
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48. Why don't you call this Schmitty guy up
and see what he's up to now?
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49. You know, I do feel
like we owe the guy an apology.
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50. - Yeah. You know what? I'd love to see Schmitty.
- I would too.
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51. Yeah, but that's a bad snap decision,
you know?
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52. - There's a reason he didn't work out.
- Let's go.
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53. We got a good thing
going on now without him.
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54. We don't need
a new member of the gang.
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55. - Don't get Schmitty. Don't get Schmitty.
- I like Schmitty. He's nice.
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56. - I'm really pumped to meet this guy.
- Ah, he was the coolest.
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57. Seriously.
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58. - Oh, hey. Hey!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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59. Mrs. Schmit.
Hey, it's, uh... it's Dennis.
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60. Yeah, and Mac.
You remember us, right?
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61. We're looking for Schmitty.
He around?
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62. Ah, he's dead.
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63. - Oh.
- What?
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64. Oh, gosh. That is too bad.
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65. - We're sorry for your loss.
- Yee-aaah!
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66. What's up, bitches?
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67. - Oh!
- Is that Schmitty?
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68. - Yeah, it's Schmitty!
- We thought you were dead.
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69. - He made me say it.
- "He made me say it." Listen to you, Mom.
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70. Thank you for playing along.
You're a sweetheart.
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71. You see that shit?
He jumped down a whole flight of stairs.
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72. Yeah, I didn't see you down there, Chuckles.
How you been, little man?
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73. Not that little, you know?
Regular size.
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74. - Maybe he, but...
- Not anymore.
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75. - Put on a few LB's since I saw you last, huh?
- Nope!
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76. - Same weight. Same weight I always been.
- He put on a lot of weight.
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77. - No, you tacked on weight.
- I tacked on mass. Muscle mass.
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78. Who's this old son of a bitch?
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79. - I'm Frank.
- Frank?
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80. - Frank.
- I'm Schmitty. Nice to... Put her there.
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81. - No!
- Don't kiss him!
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82. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, uh,
so what brings you dicks here, huh?
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83. Oh, well, Schmitty, um, honestly,
we came around here because we, um...
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84. - Go ahead.
- Want to say we're sorry, Schmitty...
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85. - Can you take this, Mac?
- Yeah, man, I got this.
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86. We just want to say we're sorry for icing you out
in the past, and we'd like your forgiveness.
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87. - Yeah.
- Get on your knees and ask.
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88. - Excuse me?
- Get down on your knees and ask.
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89. Show some humility,
for Christ's sake.
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90. - Really?
- Yeah.
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91. - Aw, man.
- Whatever it takes, Schmitty.
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92. - Wow, you're really doing it. I'm kidding. I'm kidding!
- Oh! Oh, he's joking!
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93. Oh, man! Come on, guys! Have some dignity,
some respect for yourselves.
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94. - Do you forgive us?
- Absolutely.
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95. That's classy,
Schmitty. Very classy.
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96. Dr. Meyers?
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97. - Yes?
- Hi.
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98. Dee Reynolds.
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99. I was in the school musical.
Frankenstein.
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100. Yes, of course!
Deandra Reynolds!
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101. - Yeah!
- Sit, darling.
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102. - Thank you.
- Sit.
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103. Listen, I came to talk to you
about high school. I...
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104. Oh, uh...
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105. I was drinking a lot back then,
so if I did anything inappropriate...
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106. Oh, no, no, no.
No, not at all.
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107. In fact, the opposite. You were,
like, the most inspiring teacher I had.
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108. In fact, I wrote you
this check 10 years ago...
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109. with the hopes that I could one day
give it to you as a thank-you.
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110. May you rot in hell,
you wretched beast!
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111. Oh. Um...
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112. I'm confused. Uh...
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113. Frankenstein.
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114. That's what the villagers
screamed at you...
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115. just before you threw yourself
on the funeral pyre.
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116. Oh, you were such
a hideous delight in that show.
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117. Thank you. Yes, okay.
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118. So what you're saying is, don't give up.
I shouldn't give up on my dream of being...
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119. No, my dear.
You must give up. You must.
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120. It's far too late for you.
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121. But it's not too late to teach.
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122. Come speak to the kids.
Inspire them.
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123. It's an opportunity to share
your unique experiences.
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124. - Uh-huh.
- The question is:
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125. Will you seize it?
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126. Mmm.
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127. No, thank you.
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128. - Five, four, three...
- What? No, I just never wanted to be...
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129. - two, one.
- Teaching doesn't... No offense. What are you doing?
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130. - Okay, yes.
- And there you have it!
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131. A teacher is born.
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132. There we are.
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133. Man, this is unbelievable.
Working at a bar? Running a bar?
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134. This has got to be,
like, the greatest job ever, right?
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135. - It is, man. This is what we do.
- A lot of dicking around.
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136. Hey, um, you're still, uh, living with
your mom, huh? That sounds kind of lame.
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137. Yeah, well, I mean,
it's the M.S. that's really lame.
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138. - You know?
- Oh, your mom has...
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139. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
She's doing all right though.
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140. I moved in with her to take care of her
and stuff like that.
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141. It's good to really get to know her
before, you know, uh, she moves on.
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142. Kind of a downer, that story though.
Kind of a downer.
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143. What about you, man?
What's your living situation like these days?
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144. - Oh, it's pretty sweet.
- I am. I'm his living situation.
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145. - He lives with me.
- Oh, yeah?
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146. - Yeah, we share a bed.
- Well, not every night.
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147. That's hilarious.
Charlie and I used to be roomies.
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148. - Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah. You remember that?
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149. - Oh, yeah.
- Hey, you remember how you used to try to get me...
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150. to play all those lame games?
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151. You know, those weird things you would want
to do at night? Like, uh, Night Crawlers?
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152. - We play Night Crawlers all the time.
- You do?
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153. - Well, Frank enjoys those games very much.
- Oh. Oh.
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154. Correct me if I'm wrong, but to
make Night Crawlers a little bit better...
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155. you should use blankets, right?
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156. - They could be the dirt!
- Exactly.
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157. You could use it as a force field
or as a roaming base.
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158. - It's a great idea.
- It's not a good idea though...
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159. because it's
an imagination-based game.
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160. No, it's still imagination-based.
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161. Oh!
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162. I had an idea!
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163. Dennis, remember you
and Mac and you guys...
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164. were laughing at me
doing the butt dance?
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165. They love that when I do it.
Guys, watch me. Watch me, will you?
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166. Oh, yeah!
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167. Five, six, seven, eight!
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168. - Where is this coming fr... This is not...
- This is embarrassing.
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169. God, this is just humiliating.
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170. Hey, Charlie, you're not having fun doing it,
so we're not having fun watching it, buddy.
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171. Watch. It's like this. It's more...
I don't know. Something like, uh...
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172. Butt... butt!
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173. Woo, woo, woo, woo! Hyah!
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174. Butt dance 2.0.
Butt dance 2.0.
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175. - I'll drink to that.
- You know what you got that Charlie doesn't quite have?
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176. You have that "it" factor.
You know what I'm saying?
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177. Charisma.
It's, like, you got it.
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178. Hey, you guys!
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179. Can I talk to you in the back office
for a second real quick?
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180. I can't believe this dude.
He has not changed in years, man!
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181. Look, you guys need to make a decision right now, okay?
It is either him, or it is me!
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182. - Him.
- Yeah.
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183. I was gonna say him too.
Yeah, him, him.
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184. It's always been him.
I don't know why I didn't see that before.
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185. I'm out of the gang?
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186. - Him.
- Him.
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187. Hello, everybody. Hi there.
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188. My name is Dee Reynolds, and not only am I
a professional actress and comedienne...
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189. uh, but I also used to go to school here.
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190. - What have you acted in?
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191. A lot of... A lot.
I've acted in a lot of things.
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192. Y-You may not have seen
all of them or any of them.
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193. It's not time for questions. I'll let you know
when it's time for questions though, okay?
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194. And the phone goes away. And the phone goes
into your pocket or into your backpack.
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195. But not out in your fingers,
because I'm talking.
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196. - Nah, I'm a'ight.
- Yeah. Said the turkey.
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197. Uh-oh. Oh, no.
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198. Who's she? Who's she?
She's somebody that'll zing you back. Right?
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199. - I'll zing you. I'll zap you, I'll zing you.
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200. So just know that about me.
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201. - You know, I know that, uh, you guys are 18...
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202. - and you're seniors, and so...
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203. Okay, what is it that they're doing?
What is this that they're doing?
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204. - Oh, they're doing their coughing thing.
- Yeah, I hear that.
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205. - All right, kids, settle down.
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206. You can, uh, read,
pull out your phones, whatever.
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207. They do love their phones.
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208. What? That's it? You're just gonna sit in the
corner and hem away at your sock all day?
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209. No! Where...
Where is the teacher that I knew?
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210. Where is that inspirational man?
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211. My enthusiasm in those days
was fueled entirely by the alcohol.
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212. Dee! Hey!
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213. - Come here. Come here.
- Charlie, what are you... what are you doing?
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214. Got kicked out of the gang.
What are you up to? You wanna hang out?
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215. No, Charlie. I don't want to hang out.
I-I have a job.
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216. I'm a teacher now, so I got to get
back to inspiring some students.
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217. Oh, that's pretty sweet. You want
to toss some inspiration my way?
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218. 'Cause the guys think Schmitty's
all that and, like, I'm no good.
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219. - Okay, Charlie, how about this?
- Uh-huh?
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220. - You are good at cleaning shit out of toilets...
- Right.
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221. and taking trash
and throwing it into Dumpsters.
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222. So why don't you get
a new job somewhere else...
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223. doing those kinds of things
and make friends there, okay?
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224. Okay, Dee, so are you
saying get a job here as the janitor...
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225. and then you and I
can be best friends?
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226. That is absolutely not
what I was saying.
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227. - I'm gonna talk to the principal, see if I can get that job.
- Don't do that.
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228. - We'll work on the friendship thing later.
- No, don't do that.
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229. Charlie, don't do that. Oh, goddamn it,
don't do that. This is my thing.
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230. - Here we go.
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231. - All right! There's the man!
- What's up, buddy?
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232. - This place is pretty nice.
- Yeah.
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233. What's going on? Are you guys gonna try
to bang me afterwards or something?
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234. - Very nice turn.
- Try not to laugh too much, 'cause it's gonna...
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235. - We only come here for special occasions.
- Yeah.
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236. Good, good. What's the occasion?
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237. Well, we brought you to
this luncheon, Schmitty...
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238. because we want to make this official.
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239. - Mac, do you have the ring?
- Yeah.
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240. Okay, great. Um...
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241. Schmitty, we, uh...
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242. we missed a lot of good, good years.
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243. - A lot of special time.
- Yeah?
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244. - With... With you.
- Thanks.
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245. And, uh...
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246. - You know what? I don't think I can do this.
- Okay. I'll take over from here.
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247. - I'll take over.
- Why's he being a big-time puss?
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248. - I know. He's emotional.
- Schmitty...
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249. we want you back, if you'll have us.
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250. What the hell is this shit?
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251. It's a sterling silver clover ring.
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252. When we put all four of them together,
it makes a four-leaf clover...
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253. solidifying our bond for all time.
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254. You're kidding though, right?
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255. - No, we've never been more serious in our lives.
- Yeah.
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256. Yeah, whatever.
I don't care. Sure.
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257. - Yes? Yes? That's a yes!
- Yeah. He said yes. That's a yes.
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258. - We bagged him.
- We certainly did.
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259. Oh, food's here! Food is here.
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260. Wait. Hold on. No, I didn't order yet.
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261. Oh, that's okay.
I took care of the food already.
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262. Yes. Dennis orders for us.
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263. That is a humongous shrimp.
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264. Well, it's 'cause
it's not a shrimp, Frank. It's a prawn.
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265. - And I don't like prawns, so I eat around them.
- Yeah.
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266. I'll take your prawns
if you want to take my salad.
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267. - Eh.
- No?
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268. - Okay. Yeah. That's what I'll do.
- Hey, no, wait! Hold on!
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269. Why don't you just order what you want?
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270. Well, Dennis kind of has the best palate.
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271. Yeah, I have the most refined palate,
Schmitty. That's how we do things now.
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272. You've been away for a while.
It's fine.
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273. No, no.
That's not what I'm gonna do.
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274. Excuse me.
Hey, come here really quick.
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275. Um, can I get, uh...
You have linguine?
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276. Yeah, can I get linguine instead?
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277. - Uh...
- And what do you guys want? Order whatever you want.
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278. - Linguine's too heavy for lunch.
- No, no. What do you want?
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279. - I want fries.
- Fries for this guy.
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280. - No, no, no.
- I can have fries?
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281. - You don't like your salad all of a sudden, Mac?
- I hate salad.
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282. - You hate salad? Where is this coming from?
- I didn't wanna say anything.
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283. - I hate this restaurant.
- Yeah, this restaurant blows.
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284. - I'll have a ginger ale.
- All right! Come on, man! Get into it!
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285. - I'm saying that now. Can I say that now?
- What?
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286. - Hyah!
- Absolutely. Take it.
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287. That's yours. By all means.
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288. - All right.
- What'd you get, a ginger ale?
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289. I'm a little confused.
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290. Are you telling me that this
photo of Bruce Jenner...
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291. is your résumé?
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292. Well, when I showed up this morning...
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293. I didn't have a formal résumé on me...
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294. so I was sort of hoping the photograph
of Mr. Jenner could...
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295. could represent the standard of excellence
I'm hoping to bring to this position.
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296. I see. And you're looking for a job
as a substitute teacher?
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297. Substitute janitor. Look...
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298. I'll clean this building so good, you're
not gonna know what to do with yourself.
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299. You know what I mean?
I'm not a proud man.
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300. I'll do the jobs that the other guys
don't want to do. I'll degrade myself.
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301. I'll make a genuine ass
out of myself. Yeah.
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302. Hey, look, I'll swallow that eraser whole
just to prove it to you.
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303. Uh, no, no. Please. Please. No.
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304. - I'll swallow it whole.
- Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't have to do that.
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305. But I have to say, I don't think
I've ever encountered someone...
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306. who's so passionate about
joining our custodial staff.
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307. The passion I have
for the work that I do is extraordinary.
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308. It probably goes beyond Jenner.
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309. - Uh-huh.
- And I'm serious. I'll eat that eraser whole.
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310. Oh, no, no, it's not nec... You don't need
to eat the eraser to prove your point.
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311. - Sure.
- Uh, you have the job.
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312. - Are you serious?
- I love your attitude. It's fantastic.
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313. Sir, I am not gonna let you down.
I'm gonna start cleaning immediately.
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314. - Immediately.
- Okay.
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315. Uh, but first, can I eat the eraser?
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316. Are you... You're saying
you want to eat the eraser?
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317. Well, I'm asking if it's edible,
because it certainly smells of grapes.
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318. - I don't think it's edible.
- Can't I just test it?
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319. I'd rather you didn't.
I kinda want... I might need it.
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320. All right. Well, you win this one.
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321. I'll pick up one of my own and I'll eat
that one. That way everybody wins.
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322. All right, well, welcome aboard.
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323. All right. All right.
Thanks so much.
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324. Ridiculous. It's ridiculous.
Where the hell is he?
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325. - I don't know.
- What time did we say?
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326. - We said 3:00.
- We said 3:00, and it's, like...
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327. - Ah.
- Hyah!
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328. - Well...
- What's crappenin', fellas?
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329. - Uh, hey, Schmitty. Running kinda late there, huh?
- Am I?
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330. - I didn't think it mattered.
- How could it not matter?
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331. This is the final phase of your initiation
back into the gang, so it kinda matters a lot.
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332. - It actually does.
- Whoa. Um, where is your ring?
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333. Oh, come on. You didn't want me
to really wear that thing, did ya?
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334. Yeah.
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335. - Oh.
- We're sort of sticklers for that kind of thing too.
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336. - So pop that on.
- I will. Okay. Sorry about that.
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337. Time and ring. Good. Got it.
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338. - Okay. Oh!
- Yeah.
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339. Hey, look at this!
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340. Nice setup, fellas.
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341. Candles? Where'd you
steal these from, huh?
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342. - We... bought those.
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343. Uh-oh! When the hell'd
you take that?
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344. - Don't worry about it, Schmitty.
- We got to ya.
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345. This is weird as hell.
You guys see that, right?
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346. What's weird about this?
This is a men's ceremony, okay?
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347. - They have ceremonies for all sorts of men's clubs.
- Yeah.
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348. You know, the Mafia,
the Freemasons, the White House.
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349. - The White House. They do it.
- This is cool, okay?
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350. Trust me.
What we're doing is very cool.
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351. - Okay.
- Mac, why don't we get started?
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352. You'll get it. He'll understand
as the ceremony progresses.
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353. All right, Schmitty, please have
a seat in the ceremonial seat.
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354. - I'll do the candles.
- Frank, please do the candles. Dennis, the song.
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355. All right, the song.
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356. Oh, look at that!
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357. - All right, take it... take it seriously.
- I am. I'm locked in.
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358. Okay, I will now begin the ceremony...
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359. by administering
a sweet roundhouse kick to the bell.
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360. - There's a bell?
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361. Step, step.
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362. - Uh-oh. Whiff!
- I just missed that. I just missed that.
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363. - Dude, you're not even close.
- No, Schmitty, this is all part of the ceremony.
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364. - What is?
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365. Watch it. Oh! No, no. No.
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366. - Oh, you gotta stretch before this thing, huh?
- Enjoy it.
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367. One last crack. Come on.
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368. - Hyah!
- Oh, man. This is pathetic.
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369. Here, dude, look.
It goes something like this.
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370. - Hyah!
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371. I'm excited.
I am.
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372. I mean, the first part
of the ceremony was a little lame...
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373. but ending it with a hot air balloon ride,
that kicks ass.
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374. Yeah, yeah, all those things. Yup.
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375. Frank, now!
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376. Push, Frank, push! Go, go, go!
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377. - I got him.
- Oh, come on.
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378. Come on, Frank, push him out!
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379. Are you literally trying to
push me out of a moving car again?
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380. - Yes.
- Goddamn it.
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381. Pull over. Why are you doing this?
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382. - I'll just pull over. Great job, Frank.
- Frank, come on.
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383. - Tub of lard over here.
- Take it easy, okay?
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384. - Give me back the ring! 'Cause you don't deserve it!
- Take the ring.
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385. - You're out of the gang, Schmitty!
- You're out of the gang! Get out!
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386. - You're out! You're out!
- Okay. Got it. I heard ya. Nice seeing you guys again.
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387. - Very nice meeting you.
- Get out of the car!
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388. I heard you. I'm getting out. Okay?
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389. - Now, Dennis. Peel out.
- Yeah...
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390. I was gonna peel out, and then you...
Don't take the steam out of it.
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391. Tell people we pushed you!
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392. All right, class, feel free to text...
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393. or watch movies,
whatever it is you do.
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394. - Not today, Doc.
- What are you doing, Dee?
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395. I am inspiring you.
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396. Rise and shine, dickwad.
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397. Okay, this is a great teacher...
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398. but he is wasted on you.
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399. Well, not anymore.
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400. We're gonna be rehearsing a little musical
today called Frankenstein.
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401. - This is stupid.
- Get out. You're stupid.
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402. - What?
- You heard me. Get out of here, you stupid idiot.
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403. - It's fine by me.
- Yeah, good.
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404. And anybody else who doesn't want to be
here today, you can get out now too.
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405. - Hey, you want to go to the mall?
- No, no, wait. Stop!
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406. No, come on, you guys! That's...
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407. Not everybody. Sit back down.
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408. That's just something people say.
You guys are gonna love this.
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409. Okay, let's get started.
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410. "Have you seen Dr. Frankenstein's creation
that they all speak of?"
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411. "Nay, I've heard tales told
of his hideousness.
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412. A monster most foul."
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413. Roar!
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414. And then I retreat into the mist.
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415. And, Dr. Meyers, you are Dr. Frankenstein,
so get up here and get acting!
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416. With pleasure, Dee!
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417. - Just let me set the loop and here I come!
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418. - Oops! That's not...
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419. I am shattered to pieces!
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420. - Are you acting right now?
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421. No, I'm not acting, you bitch!
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422. - I think I've broke my hip.
- Oh.
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423. Why is this damn stage so slippery?
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424. - Hey, Charlie!
- Hey, there he is! Charlie boy!
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425. - This floor is slippery, man.
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426. Whole school's slippery,
'cause I waxed it real good...
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427. with this awesome power waxer
that the school provided me.
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428. I did this whole place in,
like, two hours.
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429. - Oh, nice.
- Whoa. That's impressive.
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430. Yeah. Dee inspired me. She said,
"You're an awesome janitor, Charlie.
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431. You can make
this whole school slippery."
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432. I said, "Sure, I'll give it my best shot."
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433. Then she's, like,
"Let's be best friends."
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434. And I was, like, "Sure, I'll give that my
best shot too." So we're best friends now.
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435. Yeah, that's... that's quite a conversation
you had with her, isn't it?
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436. Mm-hmm.
What do you guys want?
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437. Oh, well, we, uh... we came to ya...
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438. because we wanted to tell you that we're
sorry for picking Schmitty over you...
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439. and we feel like we made a big mistake...
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440. and we want you back, buddy.
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441. And, uh...
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442. We pushed him
out of a moving car for you.
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443. - I can't do it.
- Jesus, dude. What is wrong with you?
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444. All right, I'll handle it. Charlie,
we have an announcement to make.
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445. It's your lucky day.
We want you back.
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446. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
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447. Gotta say, that's pretty classy, guys...
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448. but I wish you gave me one of these
a long time ago...
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449. 'cause I'm a janitor now.
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450. English - US - SDH
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