1. Frank, I'd like to thank you for
giving me the opportunity of a lifetime.
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2. Whatever.
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3. I hope they have some cool,
exotic creatures...
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4. for us to fiddle around with
and play with.
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5. Dennis, we're going to
an animal rights event.
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6. - There's gonna be all sorts of exotic creatures there.
- You think so?
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7. Better have some cool stuff
at this thing.
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8. I mean, the money I laid out for this
charity, they could have built a zoo.
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9. Yeah. Actually, guys,
zoos are animal prisons.
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10. I've been boning up
on my animal rights literature...
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11. so I can have
some talking points with Chase.
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12. He's a big animal rights lover,
and he's gonna be there.
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13. Security is not gonna let you go
anywhere near Chase Utley, bro.
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14. Those creepy letters you've been writing him?
You've gotta be on a list somewhere.
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15. - What are you giving me shit for, okay?
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16. - Dee's the one going after Ryan Howard all of a sudden.
- Well, so what?
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17. Why is that weird?
That makes perfect sense.
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18. - I'm a hot, single lady. He's a hot, single man.
- Hot?
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19. Dee, you're pregnant as shit.
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20. - Frank, this shortcut sucks.
- It ain't a shortcut.
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21. Well, why in the hell are we in the woods?
Get on the A.C. Expressway.
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22. - It goes straight to Atlantic City.
- I'm avoiding tolls.
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23. Okay, hold on a second. You're willing to
shell out tons of money for a charity...
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24. and you can't spare
a couple bucks for a toll road?
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25. What do you want me to do,
give all my money to some toll jockey?
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26. - Yeah!
- Just for riding on a street?
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27. - Squirrel!
- What?
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28. Oh, thank God.
That was close.
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29. Oh, thank God.
That was close.
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30. Why did you do that, Mac?
Goddamn it!
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31. You almost ran over that squirrel, Frank.
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32. So you should've let me mash it.
It's just a dumb-ass squirrel.
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33. Hey, do not say stupid shit like that...
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34. tonight at the animal rights event.
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35. But I can't wait to make my speech.
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36. I'm gonna get up there
and lace into these liberal nut jobs.
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37. What? I thought you loved animals now.
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38. No. I only donated all this money so I
could make a mockery of their cause.
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39. Animals should be food,
rugs and trophies.
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40. - Why do you think I'm wearing a leather suit?
- Are you? Is that leather?
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41. - You bet your ass it's leather.
- Huh. I just assumed it was plastic.
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42. - Who wears a plastic suit?
- I don't know, Frank.
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43. But I don't question
the things you do anymore.
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44. Listen, I'm gonna call us a tow truck
and get us out of here.
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45. I'm not getting any bars though.
You getting any bars, Frank?
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46. I got nothin'. What gives?
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47. - What gives is that we're in the middle of goddamn nowhere.
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48. What happened?
Are we in A.C.?
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49. No, we're not in A.C. because Mac wrecked
the car, and now we're stranded somewhere.
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50. Oh, man!
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51. "Come to Atlantic City," you said.
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52. "Let us tie you up and put a sack
on your head so you don't freak out.
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53. That'll be a good adventure,"
you said.
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54. Well, I'm freaking out a little bit.
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55. Relax. Relax, Charlie.
This is gonna be a great adventure.
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56. This is exciting. This is the unknown.
This is all part of it, man.
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57. Well, it ain't a great adventure to me.
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58. Riding on a private jet, sipping
champagne... that's an adventure.
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59. Then why didn't you fly us
in a private jet to A.C.?
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60. It's only 80 miles.
You know how quick that trip would be?
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61. It'd be a total waste of money.
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62. This is why I don't leave Philly.
You leave Philly, and bad shit happens.
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63. I mean, trees? Everywhere trees?
What the hell is this place?
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64. - I'm hitching a ride back home.
- Calm down, Char...
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65. Let's all walk,
and we'll find some help, okay?
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66. I'm not walking, 'cause I got
a baby on board, my feet hurt.
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67. I'm not going anywhere 'cause this suit
is, like, chafing me up like crazy.
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68. Oh, Jesus. All right. Mac and I and
Charlie will go find some help. Okay?
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69. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
Except I'm not gonna go.
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70. - I'm gonna hang back and oil up my glove.
- Your glo...
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71. What is your endgame in this?
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72. I'm gonna have a catch
with Chase Utley.
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73. - Chase Utley is not gonna have a catch with you.
- Come on. Come on.
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74. Don't you say that, Charlie!
Don't you say that!
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75. Listen.
We're gonna find help.
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76. - Hurry.
- Hurry up, guys. Hurry up.
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77. 'Cause I got to get to Chase.
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78. Does the air taste weird out here,
or is it just me?
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79. No. It's just you.
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80. Listen, I know you have
a lot of anxiety going on right now.
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81. But you gotta understand, we're both in
uncharted waters here. Wouldn't you say?
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82. But listen, you would consider me
a pretty methodical person, wouldn't you?
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83. - Oh, yeah, like a serial killer.
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84. Serial killer.
I like that. I like that.
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85. - It's a little bit of an exaggeration,
but I see your point. - Yeah.
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86. And I like it.
I take it as a compliment.
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87. Well, listen, sometimes even
I can't control everything.
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88. So when a new experience
presents itself to me...
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89. I try to stay open to it and just say yes.
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90. - Say yes, huh?
- Yeah. Hey, let me show you something. Let me show you something.
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91. - Look.
- Huh.
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92. - You wearing makeup?
- Well, I'm always wearing a little bit of foundation.
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93. But that's not the point.
What do you see there?
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94. Oh, shit! You got a lesion, dude.
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95. No, it's not...
That's not a lesion. It's a hickey.
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96. - You never seen a hickey?
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97. No, I have. Eew! Weird!
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98. I thought women our age
didn't give hickeys anymore.
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99. Oh, no, they don't.
Young ladies do though.
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100. And I met an extremely young lady
the other day, and she gave me this hickey.
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101. - Weird!
- No, she was legal. She was totally legal.
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102. I always check their licenses.
That's not the point.
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103. The point is, how did I
meet this young woman?
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104. Well, I got caught unexpectedly in a rainstorm
one day, so I retreated into a local theater.
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105. There I caught a matinee.
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106. And during this matinee, I saw this
young woman. I introduced myself.
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107. We both got caught up in the moment,
we said yes to the new experience...
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108. and that's how I wound up with this
wonderful and very sexual hickey.
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109. - Huh.
- You see what I'm saying about adventure, Charlie?
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110. Yeah, you always say yes to everything.
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111. Well, no, I don't always say yes.
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112. That's absurd. I'd be a dead man,
wouldn't I, if I said yes to everything.
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113. - Oh, shit, dude. Look at that truck right there.
- Oh, yeah.
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114. - Do you think there's someone in there?
- Well...
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115. What do we say
in this scenario, Charlie?
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116. We say yes.
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117. We say yes.
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118. Hiya. Sorry to wake you up there.
Sorry.
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119. What do you want?
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120. Our car broke down a little ways back. We
were hoping maybe you could help us out.
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121. I could radio that in and get you a tow truck,
but I'm about to hit the road myself.
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122. - You can always hitch a ride with me.
- Oh. Where you headed?
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123. Atlantic City.
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124. You got any munchies in the car?
I'm grumbling.
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125. No, Frank, we don't have
anything in the car...
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126. because we were starving ourselves
for the casino buffet.
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127. It was only supposed to be
a 45-minute drive.
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128. I gotta eat pretty soon.
I'm starting to get woozy.
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129. Yeah, I'm starting to get woozy too.
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130. I've been starving myself
for a few days for Chase.
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131. What?
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132. I wanted to create that sort of gaunt, angular
look with my cheekbones to impress him.
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133. You know, give myself
a more athletic look.
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134. But...
I'm starving.
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135. All right, let's jump into the forest
and we'll find some food there.
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136. Holy shit balls! It's a rabbit!
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137. Whoa, whoa! Frank, no!
We are not killing any animals, okay?
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138. Screw that. I'm hungry.
It's wabbit season.
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139. Okay, fine. Dee, come with me.
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140. I'm gonna find us something to eat.
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141. Where are you, wabbit?
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142. I'm gonna get you, wabbit.
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143. Oh.
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144. - There you are.
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145. What the hell?
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146. Wabbit, where'd you go?
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147. Shit! How'd you do that?
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148. Why are you staring at me?
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149. Why are you giving me that look?
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150. Whoa.
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151. We're having
a moment here, aren't we?
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152. You boys are, uh, awfully dressed up.
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153. - Oh. Yeah. Yeah, the tuxes.
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154. Sure, yeah, well, we're on our way
to Atlantic City for a charity event.
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155. You kind of threw me with those outfits.
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156. Don't usually find lot lizards
out in the wild.
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157. You know what?
I'm a little behind on my trucker terms.
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158. A lot lizard would be a, uh...
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159. A lizard.
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160. You know.
Truck stop whores. I mean...
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161. - Oh!
- Oh!
- No offense.
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162. No, man, none taken,
because we're not whores.
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163. - No, no, we're not prostitutes.
- Definitely not a lizard.
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164. Hey, hey. Shh. Hey.
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165. Your secret's safe with me.
Don't worry too. I'm not a cop.
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166. - We're not...
- I'm not gonna judge you neither.
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167. A man's gotta make a living, and looking
the way you do I'm not surprised.
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168. - I'm not surprised.
- Oh, I appreciate that. I appreciate that.
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169. - But again, not prostitutes.
- Not lizards though.
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170. Save your seduction for someone else.
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171. I do not tangle
with lizards no more. No.
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172. Back in the day, sure,
I would've indulged. Hell...
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173. I would've let you turn me
into Swiss cheese.
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174. I would've let you make me, uh...
make me into a mailbox.
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175. Just open the slot and put
whatever you want inside.
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176. - Wow. - We wouldn't do that.
- Not no more.
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177. I got a wife now.
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178. So I will not suck you,
and I will not be sucked on by you.
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179. Okay? That's it.
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180. That's a 10-4.
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181. Yeah, we read you loud and clear.
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182. And just to reiterate,
we don't suck on people. We own a bar.
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183. - You run a bar? Oh, I'm sure you do.
- Yeah.
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184. - I'm sure you do.
- Yeah. Yeah.
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185. How far are we from Atlantic City?
Is it a long ride, or...
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186. We're a long way from Atlantic City,
a long way.
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187. - Still got a ways, huh?
- Yeah.
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188. It's grass, Mac.
You're eating grass.
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189. - I see Charlie eating grass all the time, okay?
- Oh, really?
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190. Okay, well, Charlie is not
an example of good health, so...
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191. Look,
Charlie is a survivor. All right?
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192. And that's the way we have to think...
eat anything to survive.
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193. Eew. What is that?
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194. That's a dead crow.
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195. Well, I'm definitely not eating that.
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196. Wait, wait, whoa. Why not?
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197. Because it is a disgusting dead bird,
that's why.
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198. You eat dead chickens
and dead turkeys all the time.
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199. - That's so hypocritical.
- Okay, that's not hypocritical. People eat chickens and turkeys.
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200. Nobody eats a crow.
It's a trash bird.
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201. You know what I do think? I think we're
gonna give this crow a proper burial.
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202. Well, I'm not gonna do that.
But what I will do is use it as bait. Ooh!
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203. What if we hide in the bushes...
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204. and then we wait for something higher on the
food chain to come along and grab it...
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205. and then we grab that and eat it.
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206. - That's a good idea. I'm gonna go to the car...
- I'm not doing that. No!
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207. I'm gonna go to the car, get a blanket...
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208. then we can pick up this trash bird
with it, and we'll do my plan.
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209. - I'm not helping you.
- That's all right. I'll do it myself.
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210. - I'll eat alone.
- I'm gonna find Frank.
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211. - I'm gonna get him on my team, okay?
- Good.
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212. Frank?
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213. Hey, Frank, where are you, bro?
Oh, there you are.
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214. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Mac, I'm having a thing with this rabbit here.
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215. Whoa, dude!
He's staring right at you.
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216. We've been staring
at each other for 10 minutes.
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217. I-I... He's not afraid of me.
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218. He's looking at me like he knows me.
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219. He's looking at me like
he can see right through my soul.
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220. He probably can, dude.
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221. That is the connection
between man and beast.
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222. Animals can see souls.
That is a fact of nature.
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223. - No! Deandra, what the hell are you doing?
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224. It's cool, you guys, I got it.
I got it. We can eat.
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225. - We can't eat the rabbit. He's got my soul.
- What are you talking about?
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226. They had a moment, Dee.
They shared a connection.
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227. I know it's cute, you guys,
but, come on, this isn't about us anymore.
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228. I got to feed the baby. Mac, grab it
by the head and wring its neck off.
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229. I would rather grab your head and wring your
neck for wanting to kill this rabbit, all right?
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230. You want to eat it so bad, you kill it.
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231. Fine.
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232. I will kill it. I'll kill it,
and I'll eat it myself.
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233. - I'm gonna kill the shit out of it.
- Don't.
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234. Okay. This is us right here.
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235. - Atlantic City.
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236. Great. Yeah, thanks... No. We were hoping
to be dropped off at a casino though.
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237. This is just a motel.
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238. I know.
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239. I thought we would slip into a room...
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240. and you... could check my oil.
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241. Oh. No.
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242. Um, what happened, man?
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243. - I don't know.
- No, I'm sorry. I... No.
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244. Shoot, hell, maybe I knew I wanted it
when I... I gave you the ride.
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245. - No, no, no, no. You're better... Byron.
- Yeah!
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246. - Remember you changed?
- Byron, you've changed.
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247. You don't want
this kind of thing anymore.
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248. - No, I do want this kind of thing.
- No, you don't.
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249. You would not suck me
and you would not, um...
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250. - be sucked by me.
- Be sucked by us!
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251. - I take that back. I don't mean that.
- You can't take that back!
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252. - No take backs!
- I didn't mean any of those things.
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253. Look, think about your wife.
Remember, you said you love your wife.
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254. - I do, I do, I do. I do, but...
- Good.
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255. I got cash in my pocket,
I got desire in my heart...
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256. and I'm a-frothin' and a-foamin',
and I was thinking...
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257. Hey. Hey. I got an idea.
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258. What do you say...
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259. we slip into a room and you two
split me open like a coconut?
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260. - Oh.
- Dennis, what do we say in this situation?
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261. - We say no! We're gonna say no in this situation.
- Why? No! Why?
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262. Uh, it's just a...
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263. - Oh, my God, dude!
- Look at that!
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264. Should've locked my damn door.
Should've locked the door.
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265. Well, that was definitely
an adventure, huh?
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266. Yeah, well, sometimes the adventures
aren't always good ones.
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267. Yeah, but I said yes to
the new experience. Right?
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268. I'm out of Philly, I'm alive,
and I'm not afraid of truckers anymore.
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269. Well, if anything, you should be more afraid
of truckers now, but I do see your point.
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270. Hey, listen, I'm gonna try
and get in touch with the guys, okay?
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271. Aw, shit.
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272. Dude, I left my jacket in the truck.
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273. I had everything in that jacket.
It had all my money. It had my phone.
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274. - Do you have any money?
- Uh, yeah, it's all right there.
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275. - I put it all on black.
- What?
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276. - No, no, no, no, no!
- Black wins!
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277. - Baby!
- Oh, whew! God!
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278. - But that was lucky.
- Yeah, I know. But you know what, dude?
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279. You were right. I said yes
to this little adventure, and I won.
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280. - Would you like to bet again, sir?
- Yes, I would.
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281. - No. No.
- Let it ride, please.
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282. - What are you doing?
- Dude, I am gonna say yes to everything!
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283. We can't say yes to everything.
That is all of our money, dude.
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284. No, it's all my money.
You lost yours when you said no to the trucker.
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285. Did you want to say yes to the trucker?
Did you want to go bang the trucker in that motel?
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286. I don't know. We say yes to the trucker,
we go to the motel room...
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287. he passes out and dies,
we walk away with a free 18-wheeler.
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288. Dude, we are gonna lose
all of our money.
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289. - Black wins again!
- Oh, baby! Whoo!
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290. - Yes! Yes, yes!
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291. Let it ride, please.
Let it ride. Keep it coming.
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292. - Okay, okay, yeah, let it ride.
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293. I want to bash you, bunny.
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294. I want to give you one good bash
and eat your sweet, delicious meat.
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295. You can't kill the rabbit, Deandra.
It's got my soul.
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296. It's got the man's soul, Dee.
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297. Maybe I'll suffocate you.
I'll suffocate your rabbit face.
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298. Then I'll just suck all the life out of it
and then twist your neck and...
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299. Look, can we do this thing,
for crying out loud?
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300. - Yes, absolutely.
- This is absolutely ridiculous, holding a funeral for a crow.
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301. Yes, that's right, we are.
We are honoring its life.
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302. - I want to say a couple words.
- Yes, please.
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303. Uh, I've never been good to animals,
wearing a leather suit and all.
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304. And, uh, also,
I kicked a dog in a subway once.
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305. It was a real jerk move. I'm really sorry
I did it, and I like animals now.
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306. - That was beautiful, Frank.
- Okay, where the hell are Charlie and Dennis?
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307. - I feel like they're not coming back for us.
- They're coming back, okay?
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308. Guys, let's just do the right thing.
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309. Good night, sweet prince.
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310. Oh, God, you... you've gotta
be kidding me. Come on.
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311. Are you kidding me?
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312. - I mean, I never thought I would hold $15,000.
- That's amazing, bro.
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313. Listen, I thought
I was teaching you today.
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314. Let me tell you something, my friend.
You were teaching me.
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315. - I know. Look at all this amazing food.
- Oh, I'm starving.
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316. - I mean, they've got stuff I've never even seen before.
- Yeah.
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317. What is that?
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318. Hi there. You two are with
the Reynolds party, yes?
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319. Yeah. Yes.
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320. - Is one of you Frank?
- Oh, actually, uh...
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321. Yes.
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322. Hi, Mr. Reynolds.
I'm Deborah. We spoke on the phone.
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323. Yes. Yes!
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324. Well, now, I know
you'd like to say a few words.
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325. Is it all right
if we have you up to speak now?
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326. - Uh...
- Yes, it is.
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327. - Great. Well, come on.
- Yes! Yes, yes, yes.
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328. Mr. Reynolds here is one
of our largest new donors.
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329. Well, it's donors like him that makes
our work for animals possible.
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330. Thank you. Thank you.
I am Frank Reynolds.
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331. - Yes, yes, yes.
- Yes, yes.
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332. "Yes." That's the word
I want to talk about.
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333. - But first, let's talk about animals.
- Yes.
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334. If animals have taught me anything...
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335. it's that you can easily die, and very quickly,
under a bus and on the side of the road.
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336. - Yes.
- Okay?
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337. So you have to live in the now.
Live in the now!
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338. I'm gonna live in the now right now.
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339. I'm gonna donate another $5,000
to this charity right now.
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340. Oh! Oh! That's a...
Oh, you... That's too generous.
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341. - This is for the rats!
- Take it easy.
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342. All right. Oh! For the rats, people.
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343. - Yeah, yeah.
- And I'm done.
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344. - Good, good.
- Uh, Mr. Reynolds, there's one more thing.
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345. Per your request, we were able to
arrange a surprise night for your friend...
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346. with two true all-stars
of our organization...
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347. Chase Utley and Ryan Howard
of the Philadelphia Phillies.
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348. - Oh!
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349. - Hi.
- Mac, right?
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350. Uh, yes.
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351. I hear you're my number one fan.
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352. Yes, I am. Hi. Hi.
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353. - What's up, brother? All right.
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354. - Oh, my goodness.
- Okay. All right, let's get crazy.
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355. - Let's get crazy.
- Let's get nuts, you guys.
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356. - And you got a, uh...
- Please don't touch me.
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357. I'm gonna need some more of that.
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358. - I got it.
- Let's get a drink.
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359. - Get out of here.
- No Mets fans!
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360. - What are you thinking, coming in here, man?
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361. - Is it cool?
- It's cool.
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362. All right.
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363. Yeah!
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364. Guys, guys, calm down.
You're gonna hurt each other.
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365. - Huh?
- No, we're good, man. We're just having fun.
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366. I just saw you bite that dude.
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367. - Yeah, it was a...
- He took a bite. It was a fair bite.
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368. Yeah, he knew I could
bite him a little bit.
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369. Man, come here
and wrestle with us, dude.
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370. - You guys are wasted, man. Let's wrestle.
- Yeah, you're wasted.
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371. - No, we're not.
- You're not wasted?
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372. No, no, we're completely sober.
But you guys drank a lot though.
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373. - Yeah.
- You guys drank more than anybody I've ever seen.
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374. - Oh, really, dude?
- Whoo!
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375. - Good work, Charlie. Yeah!
- That's what we do.
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376. That's kinda what we do, man.
We just drink.
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377. Well, you know, it's been great, fellas,
but we're gonna take off now.
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378. - Oh!
- Really? You guys gonna go?
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379. Yeah, you guys try not to
hurt anybody tonight, okay?
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380. - No, no, no, we're good, dude.
- Nah, dude, nah. No, we're...
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381. - Get off me though, for real.
- Okay.
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382. - You guys take care, okay?
- All right!
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383. - Whoo! Boy, that was a hell of a night, man.
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384. Hell of a night, man.
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385. - Hey, how much money do we have left?
- 10,000 bucks.
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386. I got an idea
how we can spend that shit.
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387. Champagne! Champagne! Champagne!
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388. - Champagne!
- Here we go, gentlemen.
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389. - Hey! Thank you, Penelope.
- There it is! Champagne!
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390. - Oh, it's tearing me up inside.
- What?
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391. - What? What's going on, Frank? What are you doing?
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392. I ate the crow.
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393. - What... What'd he say?
- What?
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394. I ate the crow.
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395. - Why?
- I dug it up last night.
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396. I thought it would taste like chicken,
but I was wrong.
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397. - Oh, my G...
- I think I got to go to a hospital.
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398. All right. All right, look.
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399. They're clearly not coming back for us, okay?
I think we gotta start walking.
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400. Goddamn.
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401. - Oh, man.
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402. Seriously, I'm gonna be sad
when this is all over.
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403. Yeah, well, all good adventures
must come to an end at some point.
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404. All good things are ending.
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405. I shouldn't still be drinking.
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406. - Hey.
- Mm-hmm?
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407. I just thought of one last thing that would
be awesome. Give me your phone.
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408. Oh...
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409. Oh, this is gonna be...
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410. This is gonna be awesome, dude.
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411. - This is gonna be great.
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412. Look at... Yeah!
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413. I know, it feels like we're
walking a lot here, bunny.
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414. But as soon as we get back to the bar...
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415. you can have as many carrots
as your little heart desires.
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416. Dee, first you wanted to kill it...
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417. and now you're bringing it
back to the bar?
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418. Yeah. I named him
Peter Peter Nickel-Eater.
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419. 'Cause last night in the car
he tried to eat a nickel.
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420. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen.
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421. I say you bash its brains in
right now.
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422. I'm done liking animals.
This crow is eating me alive!
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423. - Frank, you are sick...
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424. because you ate rancid, maggot-filled meat,
not because of animals.
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425. And, Dee, you've got to
set that rabbit free.
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426. - Really?
- Yes!
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427. It needs to live in the wild...
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428. where it can be free and safe in the
loving embrace of Mother Nature, okay?
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429. Trust me, Peter Nickels-Eater
is gonna be much happier.
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430. Yeah, all right. You're right.
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431. Okay, buddy, I love you,
but go back to your family now.
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432. - Go on.
- Okay. See? He's happier already.
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433. He's gonna go back to his mother and father,
and he's gonna have a wonderful life.
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434. Goddamn it.
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435. - Goddamn it!
- Okay, nature is bullshit.
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436. - I'm done with this.
- I told you animals suck.
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437. - Okay... Wait. Was that a text?
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438. - You getting reception?
- Yes, I guess I'm getting reception. I just got a text.
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439. - Oh, it's from Dennis.
- Oh.
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440. I think he sent me a picture.
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441. No.
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442. Oh! You guys! You guys, a car!
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443. - No.
- Hey!
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444. - Hi-yo! Oh-oh-oh, we're saved!
- Hey! Hey!
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445. Hey there! Y'all need a ride?
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446. - Yes. Yes.
- Yeah!
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447. Must be hot, huh?
Oh! Hey, you! Mr. Hottie!
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448. Come on now.
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449. English - US - SDH
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