1. Hello, Charlie Kelly here,Copy !req
2. local business owner andCopy !req
3. Is your cat making too muchCopy !req
4. noise all the time?Copy !req
5. Is your cat constantly stompingCopy !req
6. around, driving you crazy?Copy !req
7. Is your cat clawing at yourCopy !req
8. furnitures?Copy !req
9. Think there's no answer?Copy !req
10. You're so stupid!Copy !req
11. There is!Copy !req
12. Kitten Mittens.Copy !req
13. Finally, there's an elegantCopy !req
14. comfortable mitten for cats.Copy !req
15. I couldn't hear anything.Copy !req
16. Is your cat one-legged?Copy !req
17. Is your cat fat, skinny, or anCopy !req
18. in-between?Copy !req
19. That doesn't matterCopy !req
20. 'cause one size fits all.Copy !req
21. Kitten Mittens: you'll beCopy !req
22. smitten.Copy !req
23. So come on down to Paddy's Pub.Copy !req
24. We're the home of the OriginalCopy !req
25. Kitten Mittens.Copy !req
26. Me-ow!Copy !req
27. So, lately, at night,Copy !req
28. I've been forced to fall asleepCopy !req
29. to the deafening sound of, like,Copy !req
30. a hundred alley cats tapping onCopy !req
31. my windows, trying to get in.Copy !req
32. You know what I mean?Copy !req
33. Thus, Kitten Mittens, right?Copy !req
34. I'm making a quieter cat.Copy !req
35. And then I made the sales tapeCopy !req
36. when I heard about theCopy !req
37. merchandising convention.Copy !req
38. Ooh, question.Copy !req
39. Mac, go.Copy !req
40. Uh, what merchandising convention?Copy !req
41. They're having one down atCopy !req
42. the Sheraton, all right?Copy !req
43. So I figured what a better placeCopy !req
44. to, like, find investors for myCopy !req
45. product?Copy !req
46. What do moronicCopy !req
47. Kitten Mittens have to do withCopy !req
48. our bar?Copy !req
49. Okay, one: they're notCopy !req
50. moronic, they're awesome, andCopy !req
51. uh, nothing.Copy !req
52. Uh, Charlie, ICopy !req
53. kinda like this.Copy !req
54. I might jump in on this with youCopy !req
55. here.Copy !req
56. I think it's a good idea.Copy !req
57. We could do T-shirts; we couldCopy !req
58. do beach towels, those nudieCopy !req
59. pens.Copy !req
60. It's about time, you know, weCopy !req
61. get some merchandise in here andCopy !req
62. I start making some money offCopy !req
63. this place.Copy !req
64. What? What are you talkingCopy !req
65. about?Copy !req
66. You're not gonna make any moneyCopy !req
67. off this place.Copy !req
68. You don't own a piece of the bar.Copy !req
69. No, but I own a hundredCopy !req
70. percent of the merchandising.Copy !req
71. It's in my contract.Copy !req
72. What contract?Copy !req
73. The contract you had me signCopy !req
74. when I first started workingCopy !req
75. here.Copy !req
76. What?Copy !req
77. Dee, we got you to sign thatCopy !req
78. contract so we could pay youCopy !req
79. less than minimum wage, okay?Copy !req
80. We're never gonna merchandiseCopy !req
81. anything in the bar.Copy !req
82. But now we are.Copy !req
83. To be honest, I don't evenCopy !req
84. remember signing any kind ofCopy !req
85. contract.Copy !req
86. Oh, you don't remember.Copy !req
87. Did it slip your mind?Copy !req
88. That's okay 'cause it's rightCopy !req
89. here.Copy !req
90. I keep it in this drawer so thatCopy !req
91. you two jerks don't try...Copy !req
92. Hey, hey, wait, what are youCopy !req
93. doing?Copy !req
94. You son of a bitch!Copy !req
95. Well, that doesn't nullify it,Copy !req
96. you know.Copy !req
97. Oh, why, do you have anotherCopy !req
98. copy?Copy !req
99. I... don't!Copy !req
100. I don't, but you can't just goCopy !req
101. eat a contract!Copy !req
102. He just did eat it.Copy !req
103. All right, I'm talking to aCopy !req
104. lawyer about this.Copy !req
105. You don't have a legCopy !req
106. to stand on.Copy !req
107. Yeah, go ahead.Copy !req
108. This is making me think maybeCopy !req
109. I should slap a patent on myCopy !req
110. Kitten Mittens before you guysCopy !req
111. try and steal that, too, huh?Copy !req
112. I can see it in your eyes.Copy !req
113. You're all over this, aren'tCopy !req
114. you?Copy !req
115. You know, I gotta say, Mac,Copy !req
116. my instinct to steal this ideaCopy !req
117. is very strong.Copy !req
118. Kitten Mittens?Copy !req
119. No, idiot, merchandising inCopy !req
120. the bar.Copy !req
121. I'm thinking we take thisCopy !req
122. merchandising convention as anCopy !req
123. opportunity to make merchandiseCopy !req
124. for Paddy's.Copy !req
125. Right.Copy !req
126. You know, like, expand ourCopy !req
127. brand, you know, make a littleCopy !req
128. money!Copy !req
129. Who's gonna buy merchandiseCopy !req
130. through a bar that they've neverCopy !req
131. been to?Copy !req
132. Uh, hello, Frank?Copy !req
133. I've never been to Fiji.Copy !req
134. All right, well, how about,Copy !req
135. like, hard-boiled eggs fromCopy !req
136. Paddy's Bar?Copy !req
137. Green eggs, it says "Paddy's" onCopy !req
138. 'em, you keep 'em on your deskCopy !req
139. when you go to work?Copy !req
140. Who's gonna want to keep aCopy !req
141. hard-boiled egg on their deskCopy !req
142. at work?Copy !req
143. Oh, all right, then you putCopy !req
144. it on your dashboard of yourCopy !req
145. car.Copy !req
146. It's just a jumping-off point.Copy !req
147. Frank, keeping hard-boiledCopy !req
148. eggs on your desktop or theCopy !req
149. dashboard of your car is not aCopy !req
150. jumping-off point.Copy !req
151. Get the hell out of here, allCopy !req
152. right?Copy !req
153. Let us concentrate on doing theCopy !req
154. merchandising idea.Copy !req
155. Clearly you don't get it, so...Copy !req
156. I don't get it?Copy !req
157. You don't get it!Copy !req
158. I don't get it?Copy !req
159. You don't get it!Copy !req
160. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
161. We'll see who doesn't get it!Copy !req
162. Okay.Copy !req
163. Yeah!Copy !req
164. All right!Copy !req
165. All right, Charlie, remember,Copy !req
166. this lawyer is not a big fan ofCopy !req
167. ours.Copy !req
168. We're probably gonna have toCopy !req
169. turn the charm up a little bitCopy !req
170. in the beginning, you knowCopy !req
171. what I mean?Copy !req
172. I got a plan on how we can doCopy !req
173. that, too.Copy !req
174. You see this picture of his wifeCopy !req
175. right here?Copy !req
176. What if we, like, complimentCopy !req
177. her good looks?Copy !req
178. That, you know, gets us off onCopy !req
179. a good foot, right?Copy !req
180. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
181. That woman looks like aCopy !req
182. stone-cold bitch,Copy !req
183. and you know it.Copy !req
184. And he knows it 'cause he turnsCopy !req
185. the picture away from him.Copy !req
186. Well, I'm trying to makeCopy !req
187. lemonade here.Copy !req
188. Uh-oh!Copy !req
189. How did you get in here?Copy !req
190. Hey-ey-ey-ey!Copy !req
191. Oh, we just...Copy !req
192. There's the man!Copy !req
193. the old-fashioned way:Copy !req
194. with doors and feet and walked.Copy !req
195. You know, we were justCopy !req
196. having a conversation about howCopy !req
197. lovely your wife is.Copy !req
198. I was was not participatingCopy !req
199. in that conversation 'cause ICopy !req
200. don't find her lovely.Copy !req
201. I think you're better than that.Copy !req
202. I think you can do better thanCopy !req
203. that, and I mean that as aCopy !req
204. compliment.Copy !req
205. You are aware that there areCopy !req
206. other lawyers in Philadelphia?Copy !req
207. But the three of us have aCopy !req
208. history.Copy !req
209. Sure.Copy !req
210. We have a past, if you will.Copy !req
211. And Charlie and I really likeCopy !req
212. the fact that you don't charge.Copy !req
213. I do charge, okay?Copy !req
214. You don't pay.Copy !req
215. We're both men of the law,Copy !req
216. you know?Copy !req
217. We get after it, you know?Copy !req
218. We jabber-jaw, we go tit-for-Copy !req
219. tat, we have our littleCopy !req
220. differences, but at the end ofCopy !req
221. the day, you win some, I winCopy !req
222. some, and there's a mutualCopy !req
223. respect left over between us.Copy !req
224. No, any respect that you'reCopy !req
225. feeling that's coming from me isCopy !req
226. a mistake on your part.Copy !req
227. Then I'll just regressCopy !req
228. because I feel like I've madeCopy !req
229. myself myself perfectlyCopy !req
230. Yes, you have.Copy !req
231. I'm lost, so I'm just gonnaCopy !req
232. get down to brass tacks.Copy !req
233. I got a question for you.Copy !req
234. Does a legal document hold upCopy !req
235. in a court of law if it has beenCopy !req
236. ingested by the other party?Copy !req
237. I'm not sure.Copy !req
238. Now mind you, the heretoforeCopy !req
239. document had, had dry ink on itCopy !req
240. for at least many forknights,Copy !req
241. uh, hereto...Copy !req
242. We signed it a long time ago.Copy !req
243. It was a long time agoCopy !req
244. signed.Copy !req
245. I'm also gonna need a patent forCopy !req
246. the Kitten Mittens.Copy !req
247. I'm sure you do.Copy !req
248. I was gonna ask you, "Hey, needCopy !req
249. Kitten Mitten patents?"Copy !req
250. That's them.Copy !req
251. I'm sorry, sir, but they lockedCopy !req
252. me in a closet.Copy !req
253. Yo, dude-dude-dude, I'm readyCopy !req
254. to show you my idea.Copy !req
255. Me, too. All right, let me goCopy !req
256. first, bro.Copy !req
257. No, I tell you what.Copy !req
258. Let me show you mine, and thenCopy !req
259. you can go first.Copy !req
260. Then I'd be going second.Copy !req
261. Yeah, great, okay, nowCopy !req
262. listen, when we're selling stuffCopy !req
263. at Paddy's, I think we need toCopy !req
264. be selling a certain attitude,Copy !req
265. right?Copy !req
266. One that reflects ourCopy !req
267. take-no-prisoners,Copy !req
268. rock-and-roll lifestyle.Copy !req
269. Okay?Copy !req
270. Yeah?Copy !req
271. Yeah.Copy !req
272. Now what says that more thanCopy !req
273. this?Copy !req
274. Huh? Paddy's Thong, dude!Copy !req
275. Paddy's Thong!Copy !req
276. You're wearing women'sCopy !req
277. underwear.Copy !req
278. Yeah, bro, you bet your assCopy !req
279. I'm wearing women's underwear.Copy !req
280. What's more sexual than aCopy !req
281. high-waisted thong riding highCopy !req
282. up a woman's backside?Copy !req
283. Nothing. Dude, come on.Copy !req
284. Paddy's Thongs, it's gonna be aCopy !req
285. huge hit with chicks.Copy !req
286. Okay, all right.Copy !req
287. Uh, question.Copy !req
288. Yeah, Mac, go.Copy !req
289. Dennis, are women gonnaCopy !req
290. want to buy their underpants inCopy !req
291. a bar?Copy !req
292. No, women will not buy theirCopy !req
293. underwear in a bar, but men willCopy !req
294. buy the underwear for theirCopy !req
295. women in the bar because it'sCopy !req
296. not for women, it's for men.Copy !req
297. It's a visual stimulant, bro.Copy !req
298. I'm not wearing these becauseCopy !req
299. I'm comfortable, I'm wearingCopy !req
300. them 'cause I want to turn youCopy !req
301. on, you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
302. You get it?Copy !req
303. Yeah, okay.Copy !req
304. Yeah, bro, it's visualCopy !req
305. stimulation.Copy !req
306. Can I go now?Copy !req
307. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
308. 'Cause it's kind of...Copy !req
309. I've been waiting for a longCopy !req
310. time. Okay.Copy !req
311. Okay, I'm thinking to myself,Copy !req
312. what do people love more thanCopy !req
313. anything else in the world?Copy !req
314. Uh...Copy !req
315. They love comedy!Copy !req
316. They do love comedy.Copy !req
317. Everybody loves comedy,Copy !req
318. right?Copy !req
319. So, and I'm funny, I-I can doCopy !req
320. funny.Copy !req
321. But you got to haveCopy !req
322. functionality with your comedy,Copy !req
323. okay?Copy !req
324. You can't just go throwingCopy !req
325. jokes around willy-nilly.Copy !req
326. Oh.Copy !req
327. So I did one of those.Copy !req
328. You drew a man's buttocksCopy !req
329. on a towel.Copy !req
330. Yeah.Copy !req
331. You get out of the shower in theCopy !req
332. college dorm, they got the butt,Copy !req
333. right, and people are laughing.Copy !req
334. Your buddies are laughing.Copy !req
335. And then, and then you give themCopy !req
336. one of these.Copy !req
337. Boom.Copy !req
338. Oh, that is big!Copy !req
339. That's a big monster dick.Copy !req
340. That's huge.Copy !req
341. That's the biggest dickCopy !req
342. you ever seen.Copy !req
343. Yeah, that's really...Copy !req
344. That's not how you see yourselfCopy !req
345. though?Copy !req
346. That's funny.Copy !req
347. That is funny.Copy !req
348. That's funny.Copy !req
349. Yeah, people are gonna laughCopy !req
350. at that.Copy !req
351. But, bro, that's just theCopy !req
352. What is it?Copy !req
353. For this.Copy !req
354. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!Copy !req
355. Oh, it's a baby dick.Copy !req
356. Yeah!Copy !req
357. We're gonna sell a million of these.Copy !req
358. We are gonna sell aCopy !req
359. We'll do black ones andCopy !req
360. yellow ones for the Asians.Copy !req
361. Yeah, that...Copy !req
362. This is probably more AsianCopy !req
363. than anything else.Copy !req
364. Yeah, oh, my gosh.Copy !req
365. Maybe a little bit more bush.Copy !req
366. You know what we should do?Copy !req
367. We should set up a Web site forCopy !req
368. it.Copy !req
369. Already did it.Copy !req
370. You did?Copy !req
371. DickTowel.com.Copy !req
372. DickTowel.com.Copy !req
373. Oh, my God.Copy !req
374. You don't think I knowCopy !req
375. Oh, Jesus Christ!Copy !req
376. I don't get it?Copy !req
377. Huh? Open your mouth, bitch!Copy !req
378. What?Copy !req
379. Prepare to be blasted, bitch.Copy !req
380. Brenda!Copy !req
381. This is my new merchandisingCopy !req
382. idea.Copy !req
383. It's a gun that shoots liquorCopy !req
384. into your mouth.Copy !req
385. You threw tequila in my eye!Copy !req
386. Well, I haven't figured outCopy !req
387. how to get the tequila to comeCopy !req
388. out of the barrel of the gun.Copy !req
389. Well, what the hell does sheCopy !req
390. have to do with anything?Copy !req
391. Check her out.Copy !req
392. I mean, she's gorgeous.Copy !req
393. You bring a woman with cans likeCopy !req
394. that into the convention, youCopy !req
395. sell the idea in a second.Copy !req
396. So this is your plan?Copy !req
397. You're gonna go into theCopy !req
398. convention waving a gun inCopy !req
399. people's faces, throwing tequilaCopy !req
400. in everybody's eyes with aCopy !req
401. big-titted woman?Copy !req
402. Duh, yeah.Copy !req
403. Frank, get the hell out ofCopy !req
404. here!Copy !req
405. Your ideas are ridiculous!Copy !req
406. Okay, okay.Copy !req
407. Suck on this, bitches.Copy !req
408. Huh? Huh?Copy !req
409. Paddy's Pub.Copy !req
410. A stress ball.Copy !req
411. You give this to people, theyCopy !req
412. put it on their desk, and thenCopy !req
413. during the day, you squeeze itCopy !req
414. when you have any tension.Copy !req
415. Right.Copy !req
416. Oh, goddamn it, Frank!Copy !req
417. That's just an egg!Copy !req
418. It's a jumping-off point.Copy !req
419. Get out!Copy !req
420. All right.Copy !req
421. Get the hell out of here!Copy !req
422. Just get the hell out of here.Copy !req
423. Don't even listen to them.Copy !req
424. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
425. Okay, we're stealing thatCopy !req
426. gunshot idea, right?Copy !req
427. Gunshot idea is awesome.Copy !req
428. You see any sign of thatCopy !req
429. lawyer or his secretary?Copy !req
430. No, and I don't knowCopy !req
431. why you think we're gonna catchCopy !req
432. them having an affair.Copy !req
433. I mean, the guy's wife is reallyCopy !req
434. hot.Copy !req
435. No, she's not.Copy !req
436. And also, why does he turn herCopy !req
437. picture away from him?Copy !req
438. So he doesn't have to look atCopy !req
439. her face.Copy !req
440. Why are we in this shady motelCopy !req
441. where we saw him go in?Copy !req
442. I'm telling you, he's-he'sCopy !req
443. banging that secretary.Copy !req
444. I don't know.Copy !req
445. It just doesn't add up.Copy !req
446. She's an attractive lady.Copy !req
447. You don't cheat on...Copy !req
448. She's not attractive.Copy !req
449. Oh, my God!Copy !req
450. What?Copy !req
451. The woman in the room rightCopy !req
452. next to him, she just ate anCopy !req
453. entire sleeve of Chips Ahoy!Copy !req
454. Charlie, could you focus onCopy !req
455. the lawyer's room, please?Copy !req
456. We're not here to blackmail aCopy !req
457. lady for eating too manyCopy !req
458. cookies.Copy !req
459. Did you say an entire sleeveCopy !req
460. though?Copy !req
461. An entire sleeve!Copy !req
462. That's a lot of cookies.Copy !req
463. She a big lady?Copy !req
464. Of course, she's a humungousCopy !req
465. lady.Copy !req
466. Yeah, of course.Copy !req
467. Oh, shit, I see him.Copy !req
468. He's walking towards the car.Copy !req
469. He's walking towards the car!Copy !req
470. Get down! Shh!Copy !req
471. Why's he coming towards us?Copy !req
472. Get down and hold still.Copy !req
473. All right.Copy !req
474. Um, so what are you people doingCopy !req
475. in my car now?Copy !req
476. Okay, let me explain that.Copy !req
477. Uh...Copy !req
478. Yeah.Copy !req
479. We were staking you out lastCopy !req
480. night, kind of spying on you.Copy !req
481. It got a little cold.Copy !req
482. Freezing, wasn't it?Copy !req
483. Did you feel that?Copy !req
484. So we jimmied your lock andCopy !req
485. we kind of spent the night inCopy !req
486. here.Copy !req
487. Okay, uh, so why were youCopy !req
488. spying on me all night?Copy !req
489. Because you're having anCopy !req
490. affair and we're gonna blackmailCopy !req
491. you for your services.Copy !req
492. Okay, I hate to disappointCopy !req
493. you, but I am not having anCopy !req
494. affair.Copy !req
495. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
496. Then why do you turn your wife'sCopy !req
497. picture away from your desk soCopy !req
498. you don't have to look at herCopy !req
499. face?Copy !req
500. Why are you staying in thisCopy !req
501. seedy motel?Copy !req
502. And why does it look like you'veCopy !req
503. been crying all night.Copy !req
504. I'll tell you what I think.Copy !req
505. I think you feel guilty.Copy !req
506. All right, listen, if youCopy !req
507. must know...Copy !req
508. my wife is leaving me.Copy !req
509. And I have to sleep in thisCopy !req
510. fleabag motel.Copy !req
511. And I am still very much in loveCopy !req
512. with my wife, which makes thisCopy !req
513. divorce very difficult.Copy !req
514. Thus, you have the turning awayCopy !req
515. of the photo, and you have, youCopy !req
516. know, the crying episodes andCopy !req
517. the what-have-you.Copy !req
518. Sad.Copy !req
519. Okay, that's our bad.Copy !req
520. That— it all comes together.Copy !req
521. That makes a lot of sense,Copy !req
522. though.Copy !req
523. In a different way than ICopy !req
524. thought...Copy !req
525. Coming— is the picture sortCopy !req
526. of coming together for you?Copy !req
527. You must be all ripped upCopy !req
528. about that.Copy !req
529. So do you want to have aCopy !req
530. conversation about helping usCopy !req
531. out with our Kitten Mitten patent?Copy !req
532. Yeah, I've got thisCopy !req
533. contract...Copy !req
534. You know what? If, um...Copy !req
535. Why don't you get out of my car?Copy !req
536. Why don't you just get out ofCopy !req
537. my car.Copy !req
538. You've had a hardCopy !req
539. couple of days.Copy !req
540. Okay, consumer, are you readyCopy !req
541. to get blasted in the mouth byCopy !req
542. Paddy's shotgun?Copy !req
543. One, two, three!Copy !req
544. Goddamn it, dude!Copy !req
545. You just cannot blast water outCopy !req
546. of a gun.Copy !req
547. The technology is just notCopy !req
548. there.Copy !req
549. No, I mean, they did sort ofCopy !req
550. figure it out with water guns,Copy !req
551. so I don't know why we...Copy !req
552. Yeah, but a water gun doesn'tCopy !req
553. have the same feel to it.Copy !req
554. You want to feel the weightCopy !req
555. of a real gun in your mouth.Copy !req
556. You want to taste the metal.Copy !req
557. You want to feel the steel, man,Copy !req
558. you know?Copy !req
559. Okay, bro, new plan.Copy !req
560. Yeah.Copy !req
561. Let's just make a video,Copy !req
562. show that at the convention.Copy !req
563. Not like Charlie's videoCopy !req
564. though.Copy !req
565. Ours needs to be cool.Copy !req
566. No, no, dude, way cooler thanCopy !req
567. Charlie's.Copy !req
568. With, like, quick cuts andCopy !req
569. awesome music and eaglesCopy !req
570. flying through the air andCopy !req
571. picking up trout out of riversCopy !req
572. and shit, ripping it apart andCopy !req
573. eating it, you know?Copy !req
574. That'll excite people!Copy !req
575. Yeah.Copy !req
576. They'll want to invest.Copy !req
577. And then we'll let the braniacsCopy !req
578. in China figure out theCopy !req
579. technology.Copy !req
580. Yeah, but the point is, it'sCopy !req
581. got to really grab people'sCopy !req
582. attention, you know what I mean?Copy !req
583. All right, I did a littleCopy !req
584. tweaking and...Copy !req
585. What is that?Copy !req
586. Paddy's shotgun, bro!Copy !req
587. You get blasted in the mouth!Copy !req
588. You stole my idea!Copy !req
589. No, no, no, Frank, we tweakedCopy !req
590. your idea.Copy !req
591. We took what was a good idea andCopy !req
592. we made it a great idea.Copy !req
593. We're also gonna get a bustierCopy !req
594. chick.Copy !req
595. No offense, ma'am.Copy !req
596. You're very busty.Copy !req
597. Your breasts are very large.Copy !req
598. But, uh, we want to go weirdCopy !req
599. with it.Copy !req
600. We want to get really freakish.Copy !req
601. Um, I would like to get yourCopy !req
602. number actually though at someCopy !req
603. point.Copy !req
604. Whoa, whoa, whoa, look!Copy !req
605. You can't just take somebody'sCopy !req
606. idea, change the name of it,Copy !req
607. and then sell it.Copy !req
608. That's the American way, bro.Copy !req
609. Yeah!Copy !req
610. Yeah, take a look at HardCopy !req
611. Rock Cafe.Copy !req
612. Got tweaked by Planet Hollywood.Copy !req
613. Coke got tweaked by Pepsi.Copy !req
614. Transformers got tweaked byCopy !req
615. Gobots.Copy !req
616. Our job is to step aside and letCopy !req
617. the consumer decide.Copy !req
618. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
619. Well, I'm gonna get a patent forCopy !req
620. this and sue your balls off!Copy !req
621. And we're gonna get aCopy !req
622. patent, too, Frank, so screwCopy !req
623. you.Copy !req
624. Kiss it.Copy !req
625. Knock, knock.Copy !req
626. Boyfriend!Copy !req
627. Hey, we got you a littleCopy !req
628. something to take your mind offCopy !req
629. your current wife situation.Copy !req
630. Sandy, have a seat right here.Copy !req
631. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
632. This is Sandy!Copy !req
633. Yep, and everything's beenCopy !req
634. taken care of financially, okay?Copy !req
635. She's been briefed on theCopy !req
636. divorce.Copy !req
637. She knows all aboutCopy !req
638. everything that's going on.Copy !req
639. And, you know, because you'veCopy !req
640. been talking about the wholeCopy !req
641. money thing a little bit...Copy !req
642. Yeah, you said that we hadn'tCopy !req
643. paid you, and we felt bad aboutCopy !req
644. that.Copy !req
645. So we're kind of hoping thatCopy !req
646. this is sort of a compensationCopy !req
647. of sorts.Copy !req
648. Sandy does that.Copy !req
649. Sandy.Copy !req
650. She's the payment.Copy !req
651. Lawyer, check out thisCopy !req
652. freakish whore we found.Copy !req
653. Hey.Copy !req
654. Whoa.Copy !req
655. What the hell are you guys doingCopy !req
656. here?Copy !req
657. I came to see the lawyer toCopy !req
658. sue you for breach of contract.Copy !req
659. What's with the busty chick?Copy !req
660. We're gonna throw a patent onCopy !req
661. her and a couple of otherCopy !req
662. things.Copy !req
663. Now I see that you have a lovelyCopy !req
664. busty woman as well.Copy !req
665. Yeah.Copy !req
666. We brought one.Copy !req
667. Well, she's a lady of theCopy !req
668. night, so...Copy !req
669. She's a prostitute.Copy !req
670. So, you know, don't get tooCopy !req
671. excited.Copy !req
672. And she's his lady becauseCopy !req
673. he's going through a messyCopy !req
674. divorce...Copy !req
675. Yeah, we paid her.Copy !req
676. so we're going to haveCopy !req
677. them have some sexual relationsCopy !req
678. as sort of a payment.Copy !req
679. Oh, wow, divorce, huh?Copy !req
680. That's never fun.Copy !req
681. Oh, yeah, no, it's terrible.Copy !req
682. He's all broken up about it.Copy !req
683. She left him, probably becauseCopy !req
684. he cheated on her, I'm guessing,Copy !req
685. 'cause look what a cold bitchCopy !req
686. she is.Copy !req
687. It's a mess.Copy !req
688. He's been crying.Copy !req
689. I'll tell you what, buddy.Copy !req
690. I can help you out.Copy !req
691. I'm gonna toss a frame bangCopy !req
692. your way.Copy !req
693. Now here's how that works.Copy !req
694. I slip into your house one nightCopy !req
695. while your wife is sleeping, andCopy !req
696. I ease into her real nice.Copy !req
697. And that way you're bothCopy !req
698. cheating on each other and sheCopy !req
699. can't clean you out.Copy !req
700. That's a win-win.Copy !req
701. Goddamn shoes.Copy !req
702. Can't run in them.Copy !req
703. Aw, son of a...Copy !req
704. Come on in.Copy !req
705. What-what's with the broads?Copy !req
706. You're stealing that idea, too?Copy !req
707. No, we're not...Copy !req
708. Yes, you are.Copy !req
709. We're tweaking...Copy !req
710. We're tweaking your idea.Copy !req
711. You're stealing that idea.Copy !req
712. You're stealing my idea!Copy !req
713. Stop, stop. Everyone stop!Copy !req
714. I will take care of all of yourCopy !req
715. legal needs, if each of youCopy !req
716. agrees to never seek my legalCopy !req
717. advice again.Copy !req
718. What?Copy !req
719. Great.Copy !req
720. Okay.Copy !req
721. For free?Copy !req
722. No problem.Copy !req
723. And you promise not to breakCopy !req
724. into my home and rape my wifeCopy !req
725. while she's sleeping.Copy !req
726. Bro, rape?Copy !req
727. I wasn't talking about rapingCopy !req
728. your wife.Copy !req
729. I was talking about making loveCopy !req
730. to her sweetly while she sleeps.Copy !req
731. And I was going to do it forCopy !req
732. you, you son of bi...Copy !req
733. All right, fine, I won't do it.Copy !req
734. Great.Copy !req
735. Now we're all here.Copy !req
736. Let's get into it.Copy !req
737. Deandra...Copy !req
738. Yeah.Copy !req
739. You want to sue these guysCopy !req
740. over some sort of breach ofCopy !req
741. contract thing?Copy !req
742. Yes, this one ate a contractCopy !req
743. that said I got all the rightsCopy !req
744. to the Paddy's Pub merchandise.Copy !req
745. That never happened.Copy !req
746. It happened.Copy !req
747. Okay, why don't you throw outCopy !req
748. the suit if they agree to sign aCopy !req
749. contract that grants you 50% ofCopy !req
750. the merchandizing rights forCopy !req
751. Paddy's Pub.Copy !req
752. 50%... I'll take it.Copy !req
753. Deal.Copy !req
754. Yes!Copy !req
755. What the hell are youCopy !req
756. doing, dude?Copy !req
757. I'll just eat the contractCopy !req
758. later.Copy !req
759. We would also like to make aCopy !req
760. patent on Paddy's Shotgun andCopy !req
761. this very large-breasted womanCopy !req
762. who's going to be shooting theCopy !req
763. gun into your face.Copy !req
764. Objection.Copy !req
765. This is not a court of law.Copy !req
766. Sustained.Copy !req
767. Frank, move to strike.Copy !req
768. They stole my idea.Copy !req
769. Open your mouth.Copy !req
770. Whoa.Copy !req
771. How did you get that muchCopy !req
772. propulsion on the gun?Copy !req
773. I made tequila bullets, but ICopy !req
774. guess I put too muchCopy !req
775. gunpowder in.Copy !req
776. New deal.Copy !req
777. We are taking that propulsionCopy !req
778. and putting it in our shotgun.Copy !req
779. No, no, no.Copy !req
780. That deal sucks.Copy !req
781. Okay, why don't you just useCopy !req
782. both guns?Copy !req
783. That's an even better idea.Copy !req
784. Two guns, six boobs— we're allCopy !req
785. on the same team.Copy !req
786. Okay, I like that idea.Copy !req
787. Yeah, I like that.Copy !req
788. And you-you want a right toCopy !req
789. the Cat Gloves...Copy !req
790. Mittens, dude. Pay attention.Copy !req
791. I'm sorry, sir.Copy !req
792. They duct-taped me to theCopy !req
793. bathroom sink.Copy !req
794. How in the hell did she getCopy !req
795. out of that?Copy !req
796. I don't know.Copy !req
797. Next up we have submissionCopy !req
798. 35— a potential investmentCopy !req
799. opportunity in merchandising forCopy !req
800. a, uh, a Paddy's Pub.Copy !req
801. You're really sweaty.Copy !req
802. Well, my eyes are reallyCopy !req
803. burning here, Charlie.Copy !req
804. Start again, start again.Copy !req
805. Yeah, that's good.Copy !req
806. Action, Frank.Copy !req
807. Go, Frank, now, go.Copy !req
808. Frank, just do that...Copy !req
809. Say the line now.Copy !req
810. Let me have a drink.Copy !req
811. How about a shot?Copy !req
812. What the...?Copy !req
813. Paddy's Pub— home of theCopy !req
814. original Shotgun and Gunshot.Copy !req
815. Are you shooting me?Copy !req
816. Shoot the girls.Copy !req
817. Shoot the girls.Copy !req
818. Two shots as they wereCopy !req
819. intended— by blasting themCopy !req
820. directly into your mouth!Copy !req
821. Awesome.Copy !req
822. I'm wasted.Copy !req
823. But that's not all.Copy !req
824. Dick towel...Copy !req
825. .com.Copy !req
826. Nudie pen.Copy !req
827. Egg.Copy !req
828. So come on, dude, invest inCopy !req
829. our merchandise and get blasted!Copy !req
830. Okay.Copy !req
831. Why don't we just take a break.Copy !req
832. That did not look cool.Copy !req
833. No. Well, we had to editCopy !req
834. while we shot, you know.Copy !req
835. We just didn't have time.Copy !req
836. God, that was terrible.Copy !req
837. Does your cat walk aroundCopy !req
838. too much?Copy !req
839. Does your cat make too muchCopy !req
840. noise?Copy !req
841. Guess who just found someCopy !req
842. investors for Kitten Mittens?Copy !req
843. I told you.Copy !req
844. People love stupid shit.Copy !req
845. Why do you keep calling itCopy !req
846. stupid, though?Copy !req
847. It's really pretty stupid.Copy !req
848. Why do you keep calling itCopy !req
849. stupid?Copy !req
850. But people are stupid too,Copy !req
851. Hello.Copy !req
852. Hi.Copy !req
853. What's up, man?Copy !req
854. What are you doing here?Copy !req
855. Congratulations on the sale.Copy !req
856. Thank you very much.Copy !req
857. Oh, you were there.Copy !req
858. Yeah. How much money am ICopy !req
859. going to make?Copy !req
860. Do what, now?Copy !req
861. Oh, the contract that you allCopy !req
862. blindly signed grants me 100%Copy !req
863. of the profits from anyCopy !req
864. merchandising opportunities fromCopy !req
865. your little bar.Copy !req
866. And Kitten Mittens— I own that.Copy !req
867. I had to get paid by you peopleCopy !req
868. somehow.Copy !req
869. Well, that's what the hookerCopy !req
870. was for.Copy !req
871. Dude.Copy !req
872. All right, touché.Copy !req
873. Yeah, you outlawyered me there,Copy !req
874. okay?Copy !req
875. Tell you what, though, let'sCopy !req
876. split Kitten Mittens 50-50, andCopy !req
877. then you'll never see me again.Copy !req
878. Wow, 50-50.Copy !req
879. Let me think about that.Copy !req
880. How about if I never see youCopy !req
881. again because the contract thatCopy !req
882. you all signed also included aCopy !req
883. restraining order...Copy !req
884. which you're allCopy !req
885. currently violating.Copy !req
886. Uh, excuse me, sir, can I seeCopy !req
887. these supposed documents thatCopy !req
888. you have?Copy !req
889. Why, yes.Copy !req
890. In fact, I happen to have thatCopy !req
891. right here.Copy !req
892. I knew it! I knew it!Copy !req
893. Still, you wouldn't have toCopy !req
894. be edible.Copy !req
895. Right in your face.Copy !req
896. You know, fortunately, I madeCopy !req
897. hundreds of copies of that.Copy !req
898. So why don't you all have just aCopy !req
899. nice day.Copy !req
900. You can probably stopCopy !req
901. eating that now.Copy !req