1. Hello.
Charlie Kelly here,Copy !req
2. local business owner
and cat enthusiast.Copy !req
3. Is your cat making
too much noise all the time?Copy !req
4. Is your cat constantly stomping
around, driving you crazy?Copy !req
5. Is your cat clawing
at your furnitures?Copy !req
6. Think there's no answer?Copy !req
7. You're so stupid! There is.Copy !req
8. Kitten Mittens.Copy !req
9. Finally, there's an elegant,
comfortable mitten for cats.Copy !req
10. - I couldn't hear anything.Copy !req
11. Is your cat one-legged?
Is your cat fat, skinny or an in-between?Copy !req
12. That doesn't matter,
'cause one size fits all.Copy !req
13. Kitten Mittens.
You'll be smitten.Copy !req
14. So come on down to Paddy's Pub.Copy !req
15. We're the home
of the original Kitten Mittens.Copy !req
16. Mee-ow!Copy !req
17. So, lately at night, I've been forced
to fall asleep to the deafening sound...Copy !req
18. of, like, a hundred alley cats
tapping on my windows, trying to get in.Copy !req
19. You know what I mean?
Thus, Kitten Mittens.Copy !req
20. Right? I'm making a quieter cat.Copy !req
21. And then I made the sales tape when I
heard about the merchandising convention.Copy !req
22. - Ooh, question.
- Mac, go.Copy !req
23. Thank you.
Uh, what merchandising convention?Copy !req
24. They're having one down
at the Sheraton. All right?Copy !req
25. So I figured, what a better place
to, like, find investors for my product.Copy !req
26. What do moronic Kitten Mittens
have to do with our bar?Copy !req
27. Okay. One, they're not moronic.
They're awesome. Mmm.Copy !req
28. And two, uh, nothing.Copy !req
29. Look, Charlie, I kinda like this.
I might jump in on this with you here.Copy !req
30. I think it's a good idea.
We could do T-shirts.Copy !req
31. We could do beach towels,
those nudie pens.Copy !req
32. Okay. It's about time, you
know, we get some merchandise in here,Copy !req
33. and I start making some
money off this place. What?Copy !req
34. What are you talking about?
You're not gonna make any money of this place.Copy !req
35. You don't own a piece of the bar.
No, but I own...Copy !req
36. a hundred percent
of the merchandising.Copy !req
37. It's in my contract.
What contract?Copy !req
38. The contract you had me sign
when I first started working here.Copy !req
39. What?Copy !req
40. Dee, we got you to sign that contract so
we could pay you less than minimum wage.Copy !req
41. Okay? We're never gonna
merchandise anything in the bar.Copy !req
42. But now we are.Copy !req
43. To be honest, I don't even remember
signing any kind of contract.Copy !req
44. Oh, you don't remember?
Did it slip your mind?Copy !req
45. That's okay,
'cause it's right here.Copy !req
46. I keep it in this drawer
so that you two jerks don't try...Copy !req
47. Hey, hey! Wait!
What are you doing?Copy !req
48. - Oh!
- You son of a bitch!Copy !req
49. That doesn't nullify it,
you know?Copy !req
50. Oh, why?
Do you have another copy?Copy !req
51. I... don't.Copy !req
52. I don't, but you can't
just go eat a contract!Copy !req
53. - He just did eat it. - All right.
I'm talking to a lawyer about this.Copy !req
54. You don't have a leg to stand on.Copy !req
55. Yeah, go ahead.
Yeah!Copy !req
56. This is making me think
maybe I should slap a patent...Copy !req
57. on my Kitten Mittens before you guys
try and steal that too, huh?Copy !req
58. I can see it in your eyes.
You're all over this, aren't you?Copy !req
59. You know,
I gotta say, Mac,Copy !req
60. my instinct to steal
this idea is very strong.Copy !req
61. Kitten Mittens? No, idiot.
Merchandising in the bar.Copy !req
62. Yeah. I'm thinking we take this
merchandising convention...Copy !req
63. as an opportunity to make
merchandise for Paddy's. Right.Copy !req
64. You know? Like, expand our brand.
You know? Make a little "mon-ay"!Copy !req
65. Who's gonna buy merchandise
to a bar that they've never been to?Copy !req
66. Uh, hello, Frank.Copy !req
67. I've never been to Fiji.Copy !req
68. All right. Well, how about, like,
hard-boiled eggs from Paddy's Bar?Copy !req
69. Green eggs.
Says "Paddy's" on them.Copy !req
70. You keep them on your desk
when you go to work.Copy !req
71. Who's gonna want to keep a hard-boiled
egg on their desk at work?Copy !req
72. Oh, all right. Then you put it
on your dashboard of your car.Copy !req
73. It's just a jumping-off point.
Frank, keeping hard-boiled eggs...Copy !req
74. on your desktop or the dashboard of
your car is not a jumping-off point.Copy !req
75. Get the hell out of here, all right?
Let us concentrate on doing the merchandising idea.Copy !req
76. Clearly you don't get it.
So I don't want- I don't get it?Copy !req
77. You don't get it!
I don't get it?Copy !req
78. You don't get it! Oh, yeah?
We'll see who doesn't get it!Copy !req
79. Okay!
Yeah!Copy !req
80. All right!Copy !req
81. All right, Charlie. Remember, this
lawyer is not a big fan of ours.Copy !req
82. So we're probably gonna have to turn the
charm up a little bit in the beginning.Copy !req
83. Know what I mean?
I got a plan on how we can do that too.Copy !req
84. See this picture of his
wife right here? Mm-hmm.Copy !req
85. What if we compliment her good looks?
That gets us off on a good foot, right?Copy !req
86. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
87. That woman looks like a stone-cold
bitch, and you know it.Copy !req
88. And he knows it 'cause he turns
the picture away from him.Copy !req
89. Well, I'm trying to
make lemonade here. Oh!Copy !req
90. Ooh, there he is.
How did you get in here?Copy !req
91. Hey!
Aw, we just...Copy !req
92. There's the man! The old-fashioned
way- with doors and feet and walking.Copy !req
93. You know, we were just having a
conversation about how lovely your wife is.Copy !req
94. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Very lovely.Copy !req
95. I was not participating in that conversation,
'cause I don't find her lovely.Copy !req
96. I think you're better than that.
I think you can do better than that.Copy !req
97. And I mean that
as a compliment.Copy !req
98. You are aware that there are
other lawyers in Philadelphia?Copy !req
99. But the three of us have a history.
Sure.Copy !req
100. We, uh- We have a past, if you will.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
101. And Charlie and I really like
the fact that you don't charge.Copy !req
102. I do charge.
Okay? You don't pay.Copy !req
103. We're both men of the law.
You know?Copy !req
104. We get after it. You know?
We jabber-jaw. We go tit for tat.Copy !req
105. We have our little differences.Copy !req
106. But at the end of the day,
you win some, I win some,Copy !req
107. and there's a mutual respect
left over between us. No.Copy !req
108. Any respect that you're feeling that's
coming from me is a mistake on your part.Copy !req
109. Then I'll just regress, 'cause I feel like
I've made myself perfectly redundant.Copy !req
110. - Yes, you have.
- I'm lost.Copy !req
111. So I'm just gonna get down to brass tacks.
I got a question for you.Copy !req
112. Does a legal document hold up in a court of law
if it has been ingested by the other party?Copy !req
113. - I'm not— Now, mind you,
the heretofore document...Copy !req
114. had- had dry ink on it
for at least many "forknights,"Copy !req
115. uh, hereto- We signed
it a long time ago.Copy !req
116. It was a long time ago signed.Copy !req
117. I'm also gonna need a patent
for the Kitten Mittens.Copy !req
118. I'm sure you do. I was gonna ask you,
"Hey, need Kitten Mitten patents?"Copy !req
119. That's them.
I'm sorry, sir.Copy !req
120. But they locked me in a closet.Copy !req
121. Yo, dude, dude, dude.
I'm ready to show you my idea.Copy !req
122. Me too. All right,
let me go first, bro.Copy !req
123. Let me show you mine, then you can go first.
Then I'd be going second.Copy !req
124. Yeah, great. Okay, now listen.
When we're selling stuff...Copy !req
125. at Paddy's, I think we need to be
selling a certain attitude, right?Copy !req
126. One that reflects our take-no-prisoners,
rock-and-roll lifestyle.Copy !req
127. Okay.
Yeah?Copy !req
128. Yeah. Now what says
that more than this?Copy !req
129. Huh?Copy !req
130. Paddy's thong, dude!
Paddy's thong!Copy !req
131. You're wearing women's underwear?
Yeah, bro!Copy !req
132. You bet your ass
I'm wearing women's underwear.Copy !req
133. What's more sexual than a high-waisted
thong riding high up a woman's backside?Copy !req
134. Nothing. Dude, come on.
Paddy's thong is gonna be a huge hit with chicks.Copy !req
135. Okay. All right. Uh, question.
Yeah, Mac. Go.Copy !req
136. Dennis, are women gonna wanna
buy their underpants in a bar?Copy !req
137. No. Women will not buy
their underwear in a bar,Copy !req
138. but men will buy the underwear
for their women in a bar...Copy !req
139. because it's not for women,
it's for men.Copy !req
140. It's a visual stimulant, bro.
I'm not wearing these because I'm comfortable.Copy !req
141. I'm wearing them because I want to turn you on.
You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
142. You get it?
Yeah.Copy !req
143. Yeah, bro. It's visual stimulation.
Okay. Yeah.Copy !req
144. Can I go now?
Yeah, sure.Copy !req
145. I've been waiting for a long time.
Okay. Okay, I'm thinking to myself,Copy !req
146. what do people love more than
anything else in the world?Copy !req
147. They love comedy!
They do love comedy.Copy !req
148. Everybody loves comedy, right?
So- And I'm funny. I can do funny.Copy !req
149. But you gotta have functionality
with your comedy, okay?Copy !req
150. Right. You can't just go throwing
jokes around willy-nilly.Copy !req
151. Oh.
So I did one of those.Copy !req
152. You drew a men's buttocks
on a towel. Yeah.Copy !req
153. You get out of the shower
in the college dorm.Copy !req
154. They got the butt, right?
People are laughing. Okay.Copy !req
155. Your buddies are laughing.Copy !req
156. And then you give them one of these.
Boom!Copy !req
157. Oh, that is big!
That's a big monster dick.Copy !req
158. That's huge.
That's the biggest dick you ever seen.Copy !req
159. Yeah, that's really- That's not
how you see yourself though?Copy !req
160. Now that's funny. That's funny.
That is funny.Copy !req
161. Yeah, people are gonna laugh at that.
But, bro, that's just the setup.Copy !req
162. What is it?
For this.Copy !req
163. Ding-ding-ding!Copy !req
164. Oh, it's a baby dick.Copy !req
165. Yeah! We're gonna sell
a million of these, dude.Copy !req
166. We are gonna sell a million of those, dude.
We'll do black ones...Copy !req
167. and yellow ones for the Asians.Copy !req
168. That is probably more Asian than anything else.
Dude- Yeah. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
169. Maybe a little bit more bush.
We should set up a Web site for it.Copy !req
170. Already did it.
You did?Copy !req
171. Dicktowel.com.Copy !req
172. Dicktowel.com.Copy !req
173. Well, you don't think I know what's going on?
Huh? Oh, Jesus Christ!Copy !req
174. I don't get it? Huh?
Open your mouth, bitch. What?Copy !req
175. Prepare to be blasted, bitch!
Brenda!Copy !req
176. This is my new
merchandising idea.Copy !req
177. It's a gun that shoots liquor
into your mouth!Copy !req
178. You threw tequila in my eye!Copy !req
179. Well, I haven't figured out how to get the
tequila to come out of the barrel of the gun.Copy !req
180. But I'm working on it.
What the hell does she have to do with anything?Copy !req
181. Check her out.
I mean, she's gorgeous.Copy !req
182. You bring a woman with cans like that into the
convention, you sell the idea in a second.Copy !req
183. So this is your plan?
You're gonna go into the convention...Copy !req
184. waving a gun in people's faces,
throwing tequila in everybody's eyes...Copy !req
185. with a big-titted woman?
Duh, yeah!Copy !req
186. Frank, get the hell out of here!
Your ideas are ridiculous!Copy !req
187. Okay. Okay.
Suck on this, bitches.Copy !req
188. Huh? Huh?
Paddy's Pub stress ball.Copy !req
189. You give this to people.
They put it on their desk.Copy !req
190. And then during the day, you squeeze
it when you have any tension.Copy !req
191. Right. Oh, goddamn it, Frank!
That's just an egg!Copy !req
192. It's a jumping-off point.
Get out!Copy !req
193. All right. Get the hell out of here!
Just get the hell out of here!Copy !req
194. Don't even listen to them.
You know what I'm saying? Jesus Christ.Copy !req
195. Okay, we're stealing that gun shot idea, right?
Gun shot idea's awesome.Copy !req
196. You see any sign of that
lawyer or his secretary?Copy !req
197. No, and I don't know why you think we're
gonna catch him having an affair.Copy !req
198. I mean, the guy's wife is really hot.
No, she's not.Copy !req
199. And also, why does he turn
her picture away from him...Copy !req
200. so he doesn't have
to look at her face?Copy !req
201. Why are we in this shady motel
where we saw him go in?Copy !req
202. I'm telling you, he's-
he's banging that secretary.Copy !req
203. I don't know.
It just doesn't add up.Copy !req
204. She's an attractive lady, you know?
She's not attractive.Copy !req
205. Oh, my God!
What?Copy !req
206. The woman in the room
right next to him...Copy !req
207. she just ate an entire
sleeve of Chips Ahoy!Copy !req
208. Charlie, could you focus
on the lawyer's room, please?Copy !req
209. We're not here to blackmail a lady
for eating too many cookies.Copy !req
210. Did you say an entire sleeve though?
An entire sleeve.Copy !req
211. That's a lot of cookies.
She a big lady?Copy !req
212. Of course.
She's a humongous lady. Yeah. Of course.Copy !req
213. Oh, shit. I see him. He's walking towards the car.
He's walking towards the car!Copy !req
214. Get down! Shh!
Why is he coming towards us?Copy !req
215. Get down and hold still!Copy !req
216. All right. Um, so what are you
people doing in my car now?Copy !req
217. Okay, let me explain that.
Uh- Yeah.Copy !req
218. We were staking you out last night-
kinda spying on you. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
219. It got a little cold. It dropped down, right?
It was freezing, wasn't it?Copy !req
220. Did you feel that? So we jimmied your
lock and spent the night in here.Copy !req
221. Okay. Uh, so why were you
spying on me all night?Copy !req
222. Because you're having an affair, and we're
gonna blackmail you for your services.Copy !req
223. Okay. I hate to disappoint you,
but I am not having an affair.Copy !req
224. Oh, yeah? Then why do you turn your
wife's picture away from your desk...Copy !req
225. so you don't have
to look at her face?Copy !req
226. Why are you staying
in this seedy motel?Copy !req
227. And why does it look like
you've been crying all night?Copy !req
228. I'll tell you what I think.
I think you feel guilty.Copy !req
229. All right, listen.
If you must know,Copy !req
230. my wife is leaving me.Copy !req
231. And I have to sleep
in this fleabag motel.Copy !req
232. And I am still very much in love with my wife,
which makes this divorce very difficult.Copy !req
233. Thus you have the turning away
of the photo...Copy !req
234. and you have, you know, the crying
episodes, and the what-have-you.Copy !req
235. Mmm. Sad.Copy !req
236. Okay, that's our bad.
We, uh...Copy !req
237. It all comes together- That
makes a lot of sense though.Copy !req
238. In a different way
than I thought.Copy !req
239. God, divorce is tough.
The picture sort of coming together for you all?Copy !req
240. You must be
all ripped up about that.Copy !req
241. So, um- Do you want to
have a conversation...Copy !req
242. about helping us out with
our Kitten Mitten patent and...Copy !req
243. I thought this contract-
You know what? If, um...Copy !req
244. Why don't you get out of my car?
We should go now.Copy !req
245. Why don't you just
get out of my car?Copy !req
246. You've had a hard
couple of days.Copy !req
247. Okay, consumer, are you ready to get
blasted in the mouth by Paddy's Shotgun?Copy !req
248. Yeah.
One, two, three!Copy !req
249. Ah!Copy !req
250. Goddamn it, dude!
You just cannot blast water out of a gun.Copy !req
251. The technology
is just not there.Copy !req
252. They did sort of figure it out with
water guns, so I don't know why...Copy !req
253. Yeah, but a water gun doesn't have
the same feel to it, you know?Copy !req
254. It doesn't. You want to feel the
weight of a real gun in your mouth.Copy !req
255. You want to taste the metal.
You want to feel the steel, man, you know?Copy !req
256. Okay, bro, new plan.
Yeah.Copy !req
257. Let's just make a video,
show that at the convention.Copy !req
258. Not like Charlie's video though.
Ours needs to be cool.Copy !req
259. No, no, no, dude.
Way cooler than Charlie's.Copy !req
260. With, like, quick cuts
and awesome music...Copy !req
261. and eagles flying through the air and
picking up trout out of rivers and shit.Copy !req
262. Ripping it apart and eating it, you know?
It's so cool.Copy !req
263. That'll excite people.
Yeah.Copy !req
264. They'll want to invest.Copy !req
265. Then we'll let the brainiacs in China
figure out the technology.Copy !req
266. Yeah. But the point is- is it's got
to really grab people's attention.Copy !req
267. You know what I mean? All right.
I did a little tweaking and...Copy !req
268. - What is that?
- Paddy's Shotgun, bro!Copy !req
269. You get blasted in the mouth!Copy !req
270. - You stole my idea! - No, no, no, Frank.
We tweaked your idea.Copy !req
271. We took what was a good idea
and we made it a great idea.Copy !req
272. We're also gonna get a bustier chick.
No offense, ma'am.Copy !req
273. You're very busty.
Your breasts are very large.Copy !req
274. But, uh, we want to go weird with it.
We want to get really freakish.Copy !req
275. I would like to get your number,
actually, though at some point.Copy !req
276. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look.
You can't just take somebody's idea,Copy !req
277. change the name of it
and then sell it.Copy !req
278. That's the American way, bro.
Yeah!Copy !req
279. Yeah. Take a look at Hard Rock Cafe.
Got tweaked by Planet Hollywood.Copy !req
280. Coke got tweaked by Pepsi.
Transformers got tweaked by GoBots.Copy !req
281. Our job is to step aside
and let the consumer decide.Copy !req
282. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna get a patent
for this and sue your balls off.Copy !req
283. We're gonna get a patent too,
Frank, so screw you.Copy !req
284. Kiss it.Copy !req
285. - Knock, knock.
- Hey, friend!Copy !req
286. Hey, we got you a little something to take
your mind off your current wife situation.Copy !req
287. Sandy, have a seat right here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
288. - This is Sandy. - Yep, and everything's
been taken care of financially.Copy !req
289. She's been briefed
on the divorce.Copy !req
290. She knows all about everything that's going on.
She knows all about it.Copy !req
291. And, you know, because you've been talking
about the whole money thing a little bit...Copy !req
292. You said that we hadn't paid you,
and we felt bad about that,Copy !req
293. so we're kinda hoping that this is
sort of a compensation of sorts.Copy !req
294. Sandy does that.
Sandy.Copy !req
295. - She's the payment. - Lawyer, check
out this freakish whore we found.Copy !req
296. Hey. Whoa. What the hell
are you guys doing here?Copy !req
297. I came to see the lawyer to sue you for breach of contract.
What's with the busty chick?Copy !req
298. We're gonna throw a patent on her
and a couple of other things.Copy !req
299. Now, I see that you have a-
a lovely busty woman as well.Copy !req
300. Yeah!
We brought one.Copy !req
301. Well, she's a lady of the night.
She's a prostitute.Copy !req
302. Don't get too excited. And she's his lady,
because he's going through a messy divorce.Copy !req
303. We paid her.
So we're gonna have them have...Copy !req
304. some sexual relations
as sort of a payment.Copy !req
305. Ah. Wow. Divorce, huh?
That's never fun.Copy !req
306. Oh, yeah. No, it's terrible.
He's all broken up about it.Copy !req
307. She left him- probably 'cause
he cheated on her, I'm guessing,Copy !req
308. 'cause look what a cold bitch she is.
She was mean to him.Copy !req
309. It's a mess.
He's been crying.Copy !req
310. I tell you what, buddy.
I can help you out.Copy !req
311. I'm gonna toss
a frame bang your way.Copy !req
312. Now here's how that works. I slip into your
house one night while your wife is sleeping,Copy !req
313. and I ease into her real nice.Copy !req
314. That way, you're both cheating on each
other, and she can't clean you out.Copy !req
315. That's a win-win.Copy !req
316. Goddamn shoes.
You can't run in 'em.Copy !req
317. - Ah, son of a bitch. - Come on in.
What- What's with the broads?Copy !req
318. You're stealing that idea too?Copy !req
319. No!
No, we're not stealing...Copy !req
320. Yes, you are.
We're tweaking your idea.Copy !req
321. You're stealing that idea.Copy !req
322. Guys-
You're stealing my idea!Copy !req
323. Can you take your ladies
outside?Copy !req
324. Stop! Stop!
Everyone stop!Copy !req
325. I will take care
of all of your legal needs...Copy !req
326. if each of you agrees to never
seek my legal advice again.Copy !req
327. What?
Great.Copy !req
328. For free?
No problem.Copy !req
329. And, you, promise not
to break into my home...Copy !req
330. and rape my wife
while she's sleeping.Copy !req
331. Bro, rape? I wasn't talking
about raping your wife.Copy !req
332. I was talking about making love
to her sweetly while she sleeps.Copy !req
333. And I was gonna do it for you, you son
of a b- All right, fine. I won't do it.Copy !req
334. Great. Now we're all here.
Let's get into this.Copy !req
335. - Deandra.
- Yeah.Copy !req
336. You want to sue these guys over some
sort of breach of contract thing?Copy !req
337. Yes. This one ate a contract that said I got
all the rights to the Paddy's Pub merchandise.Copy !req
338. - That never happened.
- It happened!Copy !req
339. Okay, why don't you
throw out the suit...Copy !req
340. if they agree to sign
a contract that grants you...Copy !req
341. 50% of the merchandising
rights for Paddy's Pub?Copy !req
342. Fifty percent?
I'll take it.Copy !req
343. Deal.
Yes!Copy !req
344. What the hell you doing, dude?
I'll just eat the contract later.Copy !req
345. We would also like to make
a patent on Paddy's Shotgun...Copy !req
346. and this very large-breasted woman who's
gonna be shooting the gun into your face.Copy !req
347. - Objection!
- This is not a court of law.Copy !req
348. Sustained!
Frank, move to strike.Copy !req
349. They stole my idea!
Open your mouth!Copy !req
350. - Christ's sakes, dude!Copy !req
351. - Oh!
- Jesus Christ!Copy !req
352. Whoa, man!
Whoa!Copy !req
353. Oh, my God!Copy !req
354. How did you get that much
propulsion on the gun?Copy !req
355. I made tequila bullets, but I guess
I put too much gunpowder in.Copy !req
356. New deal! We are taking that propulsion
and putting it in our shotgun!Copy !req
357. No, no, no.
That deal sucks.Copy !req
358. Okay. Why don't you
just use both guns?Copy !req
359. That's an even better idea.Copy !req
360. Two guns!
Okay.Copy !req
361. Six boobs!
We're all on the same team!Copy !req
362. Okay. I like that idea.
Yeah!Copy !req
363. Yeah!
All right.Copy !req
364. And, you, you want a right
to the cat gloves?Copy !req
365. Mittens, dude.
Pay attention.Copy !req
366. So sorry, sir.
They duct-taped me to the bathroom sink.Copy !req
367. How in the hell did she get out of that?
I don't know.Copy !req
368. Next up,
we have submission 35...Copy !req
369. a potential investment
opportunity in merchandising...Copy !req
370. for a, uh- a Paddy's Pub.Copy !req
371. Yeah!Copy !req
372. You're really sweaty, man.
Well, my eyes are really burning here, Charlie.Copy !req
373. - Start again. Start-Copy !req
374. Yeah, that's good.Copy !req
375. Action, Frank.Copy !req
376. Go, Frank, now.
Go.Copy !req
377. Frank, just do the- Say the line now.
Let me have a drink.Copy !req
378. How about a shot?Copy !req
379. What the...Copy !req
380. Paddy's Pub,Copy !req
381. home of the original shotgun
and gun shot!Copy !req
382. Are you shooting me?
Shoot the girls. Shoot the girls.Copy !req
383. Do shots
as they were intended...Copy !req
384. by blasting them directly into your mouth!Copy !req
385. Awesome! I'm wasted!Copy !req
386. But that's not all!Copy !req
387. Dick towel!
Dot-com.Copy !req
388. Nudie pen!Copy !req
389. - Egg. -
So come on, dude!Copy !req
390. Invest in our merchandise and...Copy !req
391. Get blasted!Copy !req
392. Okay. Uh, why don't we
just take a break?Copy !req
393. Huh.
That did not look cool.Copy !req
394. No. Well, we had to edit
while we shot.Copy !req
395. You know, and we just didn't have time.
God, that was terrible.Copy !req
396. Does your cat walk around too much?
Does your cat make too much noise?Copy !req
397. Guess who just found some
investors for Kitten Mittens!Copy !req
398. I told you!
People love stupid shit!Copy !req
399. Why do you keep calling it stupid though?
It's really pretty stupid.Copy !req
400. Why do you keep calling it stupid?
But people are stupid too, so...Copy !req
401. - Hello!Copy !req
402. Hey, there he is! What's up, man?
Hey, nice tie.Copy !req
403. - What are you doing here?
- Congratulations on the sale.Copy !req
404. Thank you very much.
Oh, you were there?Copy !req
405. Yeah. How much money
am I gonna make?Copy !req
406. Do what now?Copy !req
407. Oh. The contract
that you all blindly signed...Copy !req
408. grants me 100%
of the profits...Copy !req
409. from any merchandising
opportunities from your little bar.Copy !req
410. And Kitten Mittens-
I own that.Copy !req
411. Dude! I had to get paid
by you people somehow.Copy !req
412. Well, that's what
the hooker was for!Copy !req
413. Dude!
All right. Touché.Copy !req
414. You out-lawyered me there.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
415. Okay.
Tell you what though.Copy !req
416. Let's split
Kitten Mittens 50-50,Copy !req
417. and then you'll never see me again.
Wow. Fifty-fifty?Copy !req
418. Mmm, let me think about that.Copy !req
419. How about if I never see you again
because the contract...Copy !req
420. that you all signed
also included a restraining order?Copy !req
421. Which you're all
currently violating.Copy !req
422. Uh, excuse me, sir. Can I see these
supposed documents that you have?Copy !req
423. Why, yes.
Um, in fact,Copy !req
424. I happen to have
that right here.Copy !req
425. Ah!
Yeah!Copy !req
426. I knew it!Copy !req
427. It's still new enough to be edible.
That's an edible contract!Copy !req
428. Right in your face!
Really? Yeah.Copy !req
429. You know, fortunately,
I made hundreds of copies of that.Copy !req
430. Goddamn.Copy !req
431. So, uh, why don't you all
have just a nice day.Copy !req
432. Mmm.Copy !req
433. You can probably
stop eating that now.Copy !req