1. He really has an ugly face.Copy !req
2. Mmm, he does.
He is certainly ugly.Copy !req
3. But you know what?
That's not really what
bothers me about this.Copy !req
4. What bothers me is that he
looks like an old woman.
Right!Copy !req
5. Yeah.
Well, he is wearing...Copy !req
6. a lot of blush
on those cheekbones.
Right!Copy !req
7. But I feel like that
was the look of the times.
It's not just that though, Mac.Copy !req
8. It's not. I mean,
a lot of presidents somehow
end up looking like women.Copy !req
9. I mean, look at
Ronald Reagan. Right?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
10. - He looks—
- Why would you hang a painting
like this on your wall?Copy !req
11. It's the historical society,
bro. They have to hang it up.
Right. Yeah.Copy !req
12. We gotta suffer just because
some old dude who looks
like Meryl Streep...Copy !req
13. chopped down a cherry tree
10 million years ago?Copy !req
14. It's just—
He looks terrible!Copy !req
15. You know what?
Let's take it down.Copy !req
16. It's just gonna distract us
through the meeting.
Yeah. Let's get it down, man.Copy !req
17. Let's take it down.
I'm gonna tear it down.Copy !req
18. It's gonna distract us.
Unbelievable.
It's bolted to the wall.Copy !req
19. That proves our point, man.
We're not the first people who
tried to take that thing down.Copy !req
20. Yeah, but we're gonna be the
first ones to actually succeed.
Let's tear it down, Charlie.Copy !req
21. Let's just rip it
off the wall!
Whoa! Guys, guys, guys!Copy !req
22. I got a pocket knife.
Just cut it out of the frame.
That's a good idea.Copy !req
23. I've had enough of this dude.
Just cut it
right out of the frame.Copy !req
24. What are you doing?Copy !req
25. Oh. Uh—Copy !req
26. Do you want this up?Copy !req
27. Yes. Yes, I do.
Really?Copy !req
28. - Uh, may I help you gentlemen
with something?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
29. Actually, we're here because
we want to get our bar certified
as a historic landmark.Copy !req
30. We want tourists to be able
to come by Paddy's Pub as part
of the walking tour of Philly.Copy !req
31. You know, they can come by,
soak up some history,
do some shots, get blasted.Copy !req
32. In order to be considered
as a historical site,Copy !req
33. your bar would have to have
some historical significance.Copy !req
34. Trust us when we tell you that
Paddy's Pub played an extremely
important part in history.Copy !req
35. Mm-hmm. And what part
of history might that be?Copy !req
36. The cracking of
the Liberty Bell,
of course.Copy !req
37. So you're claiming
that your bar...Copy !req
38. had a direct role
in the cracking
of the Liberty Bell?Copy !req
39. - Absolutely.
- Then tell me about it.Copy !req
40. Well, the year was 1412—
Oh, ooh. Oh, ooh, no.Copy !req
41. Really?
Let Dennis— Let Dennis—Copy !req
42. - Let me tell the story, Charlie.
- Okay. [ Clucking Tongue,
Imitating Hoofbeats ]Copy !req
43. Yeah. The year was 1776.
And Paddy's Pub, then known,
of course, as Patrick's Pub,Copy !req
44. was a hotbed
of revolutionary activity.Copy !req
45. Revolutionaries from all over
the country had come together
to gather at Patrick's Pub...Copy !req
46. to speak of war
and revolution.Copy !req
47. Will you look at that?
Sons of Liberty—Copy !req
48. patriots meeting in our bar
speaking of revolution
and freedom.Copy !req
49. Can you believe it,
dear Brother? We're witnessing
history in the making.Copy !req
50. I do not give a shit, Deandra.
Now get me a flagon of ale.Copy !req
51. Get your own ale, dick.
Uh-uh!
You are my slave.Copy !req
52. You have to get me
flagons of ale.Copy !req
53. I saved you from being
burned at the stake
for being a witch!Copy !req
54. You're the one who
accused me of being a witch
in the first place, Dennis!Copy !req
55. Oh, well, what's done is done.
That's all in the past now.Copy !req
56. So you can either be a slave
witch in the bar or you can be
a burned-up witch outside.Copy !req
57. Up to you!
Flagon of ale now?Copy !req
58. Guys, guys, guys!
I've got some news.
I've got some terrible news.Copy !req
59. Oh, MacDonald,
how goes it?
Not good.Copy !req
60. You know that chick
I've been banging
down at Independence Hall?Copy !req
61. - Mmm, the fat one.
- Well, she's not that fat.Copy !req
62. She's pretty fat, dude.
Good one, witch.
Pretty fat.Copy !req
63. Well, whatever.
She told me
in complete confidence...Copy !req
64. that a bunch of old dudes
down there are drafting
a declaration—Copy !req
65. a declaration of independence.
Wait. Why would we want
to be free from the British?Copy !req
66. This declaration is gonna
start an all-out war.Copy !req
67. We have to make sure we are
not on the losing side!
Definitely.Copy !req
68. Okay, clearly the British
are gonna win this thing.
Clearly.Copy !req
69. All right. We have to make
sure that the crown knows
that we're on their side.Copy !req
70. We have to make
our own declaration.
Yes.Copy !req
71. Yes. We need to make
a declaration of dependence.Copy !req
72. Buy your pelts here.
We have raccoon.
We have foxes.Copy !req
73. Oh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Ho there, sir.Copy !req
74. Now, my good gentleman, what
says you of my fine furs here?
Mmm!Copy !req
75. Merrily, I be able to guide you
towards some interest
in some purchase?Copy !req
76. I can't understand
what you're saying.
You wanna buy a fur?Copy !req
77. Yeah!
In July? No, thanks.Copy !req
78. Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Not so fast now.Copy !req
79. It's a nice-looking cart
of pumpkins you got here.
Mmm!Copy !req
80. Uh, what says you we maketh
some trade, hmm? All of my furs
for all your pumpkins?Copy !req
81. No.
All right.
I-I-I-I-I-I—Copy !req
82. One pumpkin.
Deal.Copy !req
83. All right then!
Wait, wait, wait!
Whoa, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie!Copy !req
84. We're not traders, Charlie.
We're thieves.Copy !req
85. You want his pumpkins?
We kill him
and take his pumpkins!Copy !req
86. This is 1776!Copy !req
87. We'll get away
with it!
I can hear you.Copy !req
88. Yeah, all right. Very good.
This is how it will go down.
I will beat the man...Copy !req
89. about the face and the neck
and maybe the chest area
and possibly the groin—Copy !req
90. Eh?
until he's no longer
consisting of life pulse.Copy !req
91. And then you can collect up
the man's cart.
I shall findeth a stick.Copy !req
92. Yes! Well, we'll need
a stick to do the bashing.
Sit tight, sir.Copy !req
93. Pick a stick.
Any stick you like.
All right.Copy !req
94. Methinks the rod to be the most
suitable for our purposes.
Ahh! Very nice rod.Copy !req
95. Go with that rod.
Okeydokey-dokey-doo!
Uh-oh! He's gone.Copy !req
96. What! He stole our furs!
Yep. Yep, yep, yep,
yep, yep, yep.Copy !req
97. You shithead!
Hey, look on
the bright side, Franklin.Copy !req
98. We got ourselves
a pumpkin.Copy !req
99. This is gonna work.Copy !req
100. I can't believe
you dressed like that, bro.
Excuse me. This is a good plan.Copy !req
101. Okay? If we're gonna
get this declaration
into the hands of the queen,Copy !req
102. we need to dress the part.
That's not the way
the British dress, bro.Copy !req
103. They dress like this.
No. British commoners
dress like you're dressed.Copy !req
104. British peons. Okay?
I'm dressed like a nobleman,
okay?Copy !req
105. These people respond
to royalty.Copy !req
106. Hey. Hey, guys.Copy !req
107. - Come on. Please help.
- Just use your witch strength,
slave.Copy !req
108. Yeah. It's not
that much further. God!Copy !req
109. Uh, pardon me.
Pardon me, good sirs.Copy !req
110. Which of you gentlemen happens
to be the highest-ranking
military officer here?Copy !req
111. That would be me.Copy !req
112. Cricket.
Colonel Cricket.Copy !req
113. - Hmm.
- What is your business, sirs?Copy !req
114. Ah, well, Colonel, we are
the owners of the fine local
establishment, Patrick's Pub.Copy !req
115. Ahh. Patrick's Pub.
Yeah.Copy !req
116. Yes, of course.
Of course.Copy !req
117. The liberty bar, huh?
You harbor patriots.Copy !req
118. Oh, whoops.
No, no, no.
No!Copy !req
119. No, nayeth.
Nayeth.
Bad intel there.Copy !req
120. Yeah, bad intel.
Bit of a miscommunication.
Yes. Yeah.Copy !req
121. Actually,
that is why we're here.
Uh, we drew up this declaration.Copy !req
122. We also included
an illustration that we
had hoped would illuminate...Copy !req
123. our intentions
towards the queen, huh?Copy !req
124. This appears to be
a rendering of the two of you...Copy !req
125. sodomizing the king—
Huh?Copy !req
126. whilst the queen
is forced to witness.
Oh!Copy !req
127. Goodness gracious, no!
No! No! Look. I'm holding
homeboy's arms back.Copy !req
128. Yeah.
Dennis is ready
to jam him in the face.Copy !req
129. The queen is impressed.
Yeah. That's a bad guy.
That's not the king.Copy !req
130. - We're doing bad stuff
to the bad—
- Give me this. You don't get it?Copy !req
131. Let's get the ale. The ale.
Wench, now the ale.
Presenteth it.Copy !req
132. Okay, set that down
in front of him.
And yes, good Colonel,Copy !req
133. we present this ale to you and
your men in hopes that it will
fuel the British to victory.Copy !req
134. Madam.Copy !req
135. - Whoa! Hey!
What the hell are you doing?
- Come on!Copy !req
136. - Get out of here! You're making
things worse! Flee! Fly!
- Get back to the bar!Copy !req
137. I'm really sorry.
That was huge.
Yeah.Copy !req
138. - That hit you right in
the face, didn't it? Oh, man.
- Yeah, you know what?Copy !req
139. We don't condone
that sort of thing, okay?
No.Copy !req
140. We're gonna tar and feather
the shit out of her when
she gets back. Don't worry.Copy !req
141. I pray you,
who is that fiery wench?Copy !req
142. Her? Oh, that's just
my sister, Deandra.
She's our slave.Copy !req
143. Yeah. And a witch.
Yeah.Copy !req
144. - You keep your sister
as your slave?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Aye.Copy !req
145. So are we good here now?
What's the deal?Copy !req
146. Gentlemen, you have both proven
to me in the very short time
that I have known you...Copy !req
147. that you are both
slanderous perverts...Copy !req
148. lacking any semblance
of moral fortitude.Copy !req
149. However, I do desire to seek
further counsel with the lady.Copy !req
150. The... lady?
Uh, the— the witch?Copy !req
151. The same girl we've
just been talking about?Copy !req
152. You don't really think
she's a— a witch, do you?Copy !req
153. Yeah. Yeah,
she's a witch.Copy !req
154. I— Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Pretty sure.Copy !req
155. All right, look.Copy !req
156. I wish to court her
in some manner,Copy !req
157. and I could use your help,
because I'm not, admittedly,Copy !req
158. very good with women.Copy !req
159. Good "with" women?
You mean, good at women?Copy !req
160. Like you can't catch them
when they run away from you?
Bro, it's 1776.Copy !req
161. They don't have any rights.
You can just take 'em and force
'em to do whatever you want.Copy !req
162. I do not wish to take her.
I would like to win her favor,
like a gentleman does a lady.Copy !req
163. That just does not
compute with me.Copy !req
164. I don't understand
what you're saying.Copy !req
165. Diggin' the accent
but don't understand you.
Are you saying you're gay?Copy !req
166. All right!
Escort them out!Copy !req
167. Oh, no. We-We-We— Okay.
Are you gonna
drink the beer?Copy !req
168. No. Leave it. Out.
Just drink the beer.Copy !req
169. Maybe you'll get some balls
and you can take the woman.
Yeah.Copy !req
170. All right.
Well, I'm just saying.Copy !req
171. Higher.
Ready?Copy !req
172. Yes.
All right.Copy !req
173. Shoot.
One, two—Copy !req
174. Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
three.Copy !req
175. Do not shoot
that pumpkin!
What are you doing?Copy !req
176. I stole a bunch of guns.
I'm testin' 'em out,
Charles.Copy !req
177. This revolution
is gonna make us a fortune.Copy !req
178. All right. Well,
leave the pumpkin out of it.
The pumpkin's innocent.Copy !req
179. Shoot the pumpkin.Copy !req
180. Do not shoot the pumpkin,
please.
Okay.Copy !req
181. Give me the gun.
Fine.Copy !req
182. And why is the witch slave
shooting at you anyway?Copy !req
183. - Maybe she used her sorcery.
- Sorcery? Your dumb dick
partner walked into the bar,Copy !req
184. said he stole a bunch of guns
and asked if I wanted to shoot
a pumpkin off his head.Copy !req
185. Of course I did,
so here we are.Copy !req
186. Damn your necromancy,
woman!
Oh, my God.Copy !req
187. Maybe if we shoot you,
you won't feel it anyway, witch.
Yeah. Shoot her.Copy !req
188. You know what? Okay, you guys.
I tell you what. You win.Copy !req
189. I'm a witch, okay? I'm a witch,
and I curse both of you
and all of your stupid guns.Copy !req
190. Charlie! Goddamn it!Copy !req
191. Give me that gun!
It didn't work!
She cursed the gun!Copy !req
192. She cursed the gun.Copy !req
193. She put a curse
on the gun!
Let's try this one.Copy !req
194. Nothin'!Copy !req
195. Try me!Copy !req
196. Man, those Sons of Liberty
sons of bitches, Dennis.Copy !req
197. Those guys are gonna get us
in so much trouble.
Let's do this.Copy !req
198. No, no, no, no!
You hang back.
What? Me? Why?Copy !req
199. Because
we need to get as much intel
from these guys as we can...Copy !req
200. for that
Colonel Cricket.
Yeah?Copy !req
201. This fop thing's gonna
totally blow our cover.
What's goin' on with your mouth?Copy !req
202. I got some
wooden teeth put in.
Did ya?Copy !req
203. Yeah. All the patriots
are doing it,
including Washington,Copy !req
204. which is why it makes sense,
okay, if we're going undercover!Copy !req
205. Not this fop bullshit!
No. The fop thing's good, man.
I got a plan with it. Yeah.Copy !req
206. Got an angle.
Fine. Okay, listen.Copy !req
207. You let me
take the lead, okay?
Yeah, okay.Copy !req
208. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You son of a bitch.Copy !req
209. Fellas! How you doin'?
A couple of flagons of ale
for ya.Copy !req
210. So I just want to say we love
what you're doing over here.Copy !req
211. I mean, taxation with
representation, right?Copy !req
212. So, uh, what's the buzz, huh?
What are we all talking about,
huh?Copy !req
213. [ Effeminate
British Accent ]
Surrender maybe?Copy !req
214. W-We speak of revolution.Copy !req
215. Revolution? Revolution?Copy !req
216. That's great!
I'm completely on top of that!Copy !req
217. Hey, fellas, who's taking
the minutes here?Copy !req
218. 'Cause I feel like I could be
an asset to you as a secretary.
Yes.Copy !req
219. Let's start by taking down
all of their names,
first and last, please.Copy !req
220. - Son of a bitch.
- Gentlemen, I think
this meeting is adjourned.Copy !req
221. Huh?Copy !req
222. Son of a bitch, dude!Copy !req
223. What are you doing with
the accent and the Briti—
Goddamn it!Copy !req
224. No, I just decided to go
a different way. The spy thing
wasn't really working.Copy !req
225. Yeah? What way was that?
Your wooden teeth, whistle-y
tooth thing? That was bad.Copy !req
226. I think my teeth
were a smashing success.
We are in dire straits here.Copy !req
227. We need a change of plans.
I think the only way we're gonna
convince these people...Copy !req
228. that we're on their side
is to become
a hundred percent British.Copy !req
229. Become British?
We gotta commit
to the fop thing.Copy !req
230. That actually seems
pretty sensible, Dennis.
Yeah. No more S's for you.Copy !req
231. It's just
so cramped in here.Copy !req
232. I mean, you'd think people
who came here so many years
before the English—Copy !req
233. You'd think they'd
build bigger houses.Copy !req
234. - Yeah, you'd think they'd
have huge homes, right?
- Yeah!Copy !req
235. What is the sleeping situation
in here? You think this father
and son are sleeping...Copy !req
236. on the same bearskin together?
Probably. Where else
are they gonna sleep?Copy !req
237. What a bunch of losers!
Oh, I'm telling you.
It's a bunch of inbred savages.Copy !req
238. I speak English.
Oh, shit! For real?Copy !req
239. - Yes.
- Oh, that's not good.
We didn't mean to—Copy !req
240. Our bad then. Hey, so tell me.
How much land are you gonna give
away for a pumpkin these days?Copy !req
241. W-Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Charlie, Charlie, listen. What
we need is your magical powers—Copy !req
242. Yeah.
to lift the curses
from our guns.Copy !req
243. Okay?
We're gonna pay ya.Copy !req
244. Oh, yeah.
We gotta pay ya.
We'll give you this.Copy !req
245. - We brought this for you.
- Booze!Copy !req
246. Booze.
Right? Makes you feel good.
Helps you sleep.Copy !req
247. Brings the tribe together.Copy !req
248. Ooh! Oh! That young Indian
was fast with the tomahawk.Copy !req
249. And he really lobbed a big
hunk off your head up here.
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
250. It's gonna make me
look deformed.
Yeah.Copy !req
251. You're gonna be deformed
for the rest of your life.
Gimme that skunk pelt.Copy !req
252. I'll use it for hair. Don't
push, don't push, don't push!
All right.Copy !req
253. Does it look cool?
It looks pretty good.Copy !req
254. - Lady Deandra.
- Yes? Can I help you?Copy !req
255. Colonel Cricket.Copy !req
256. We met the other day?Copy !req
257. I was the one
you delivered the keg to?Copy !req
258. You spit in my face.
Oh, yep, yep.
There it is. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
259. Indeed.Copy !req
260. Forgive my rather
unadorned approach, but—
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
261. from the first moment
I laid my eyes on you—
Mmm.Copy !req
262. I was smitten.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
263. Perhaps my impatience
has gotten the best of me,Copy !req
264. but if you will have me,
I would be most honored...Copy !req
265. to call you my wife.Copy !req
266. Oh!
A simple "no"
would have sufficed.Copy !req
267. Hey, hey.Copy !req
268. Okay. All right.
That one got in my mouth.
That's really not cool.Copy !req
269. You listen to me, you pale-faced
English dick-hole.
You got a revolution coming.Copy !req
270. And pretty soon all
of the slaves are gonna be free,
and I will be owned by no man.Copy !req
271. I am a fool—
Yeah.Copy !req
272. having allowed myself to imagine
us back in my sprawling manor
in England.Copy !req
273. You on my arm adorned
in magnificent garments, dressed
in the finest jewels, and—Copy !req
274. Whoa, whoa, Cricks. Back it up
a little bit. You're talking
about garments and jewelry?Copy !req
275. But alas,
my love cannot mend
our differences.Copy !req
276. Oh, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Your love— Your love can.Copy !req
277. Your love is— Your love
is currently doing that.
So you just—Copy !req
278. You didn't mention anything
about the sprawling manor
and all the garments.Copy !req
279. That was stupid.
I thought you
just said that you—Copy !req
280. Yeah, I di— I did, I did.
But it's— Your love,
it's like—Copy !req
281. It's filling me up with
all kinds of stuff, and—
Is it?Copy !req
282. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is!
Let's do this!
What?Copy !req
283. Let's get married!
Yeah!Copy !req
284. Oh, Lady Deandra.
Yes!Copy !req
285. You have made me
the happiest man alive!
Eww!Copy !req
286. We're gonna have
to work up to that, though,
'cause you are crazy ugly.Copy !req
287. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Keep your pants on, curly.
Yeah.Copy !req
288. You want the slave?
You gotta pay
for the slave!Copy !req
289. What?
I'm sorry?Copy !req
290. We're not gonna give her
to you for free.
Yeah.Copy !req
291. You gotta sweeten the pot.
Huh?Copy !req
292. How'd you like
to buy some guns?
Yeah.Copy !req
293. Guns?Copy !req
294. - I shall buy your guns.
- Yes!Copy !req
295. I shall buy your guns!
No, no, no, no.Copy !req
296. Not yet. Not yet.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey.Copy !req
297. Why does he keep
spitting in my mouth?Copy !req
298. Who is this man?Copy !req
299. Ah, hello to you, sirs.Copy !req
300. And to you, ladies.
These heels are almost
impossible to walk in.Copy !req
301. Get over it, dude.
You gotta walk in them, okay?
Now let me hear the voice.Copy !req
302. No. I don't
think the voice is entirely
necessary. I'm not gonna do it.Copy !req
303. Bro, if we're gonna wipe away
all traces of our colonial
background and blend in...Copy !req
304. with British culture,
we need to walk the walk
and we need to talk the talk.Copy !req
305. Fine. How do you do it?
Your voice needs to come off as
elegant as your clothing, okay?Copy !req
306. So try this. [ Clears Throat,
British Accent ]
Would you like a spot of tea?Copy !req
307. Ye-e-e-e-es!Copy !req
308. Would you like
a spot of tea? Ye-e-es!Copy !req
309. Draw it out more.
Draw it out
more than that?Copy !req
310. Oh, yes. Ye-e-e-e-es.
More than that.
Ye-e-e-e-es!Copy !req
311. Yeah, but—
That's good.Copy !req
312. You know what?
Those wooden teeth are
killing me. That lisp is stupid.Copy !req
313. I think the wooden teeth
are the whole thing
that's saving this thing.Copy !req
314. You sound ridiculous.
No, I don't. I think
it sounds pretty good.Copy !req
315. I'm not losing the teeth.
Let's just move past that.
Let's keep walking.Copy !req
316. Okay, try it again,
try it again.Copy !req
317. Ye-e-e-e-es!Copy !req
318. Ye-e-e-e-es!Copy !req
319. Ye-e-e-e-es!Copy !req
320. Ye-e-e-e-es!
Good, good, good.
Now flourish the pinkie.Copy !req
321. Flourish the pinkie.
Ye-e-e-e-es!Copy !req
322. Ye-e-e-e-es!
Well, what have
we got here?Copy !req
323. A pair of poofs
about town.Copy !req
324. Sodomites
in frilly lace.Copy !req
325. Oh! No, no!
No! Nayeth!Copy !req
326. Oh, nayeth, nayeth! No!
Nayeth, no!Copy !req
327. We are simply two noble
British men out on a stroll.
Yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
328. Good day, sir.
Good day!Copy !req
329. Oh, goodness.
Oh.Copy !req
330. - Boys, get the tar.Copy !req
331. Shit.Copy !req
332. - Deandra, come and help me
count my gold.Copy !req
333. I'm not your slave anymore,
Franklin.Copy !req
334. I'm about to go live like
the goddamn queen of England and
never see you two bitches again.Copy !req
335. Charles, I told you
the revolution pays.Copy !req
336. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But look at this, huh?Copy !req
337. Guys, there is a full-fledged
revolution happening outside
right now!Copy !req
338. - It is a bloodbath!
We have got to do something!
- Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
339. What?
Let's back up and talk
about what this is.Copy !req
340. No, this is not
important right now!
Oh, I think it's very important!Copy !req
341. There's a war
happening outside.Copy !req
342. We were acting like British
nobleman. Then he couldn't
drop the she-male thing.Copy !req
343. So we got tarred and feathered
for being sodomites!Copy !req
344. Well, it is not—
a she-male thing.Copy !req
345. It's about— Goddamn it!
We don't have time for this!Copy !req
346. Help!Copy !req
347. - Help me!
- Are you okay? Are you dying?Copy !req
348. No, no! Don't die yet!
Don't die yet until you
get me to your mansion!Copy !req
349. No. I'm unscathed,
my darling.
Oh, thank God.Copy !req
350. This is the blood
of my men.
Yeah.Copy !req
351. We suffered
too many casualties.
All our guns jammed!Copy !req
352. Blame that
on your witch wife.
Let me see that.Copy !req
353. Permit me to hide out here till
British reinforcements arrive...Copy !req
354. and massacre
the entire lot of rebels.Copy !req
355. Then shall we escape
safely together, my darling.Copy !req
356. Oh! Okay. I'm gonna
go get you some water.Copy !req
357. Hey, Cricks? When the
reinforcements get here,
Dennis and I are cool, right?Copy !req
358. We're not on your shit list.
Yeah. Like we got tarred
and feathered for your ass. So—Copy !req
359. Protect me and I shall make sure
that all of you are safe
from the mighty sword of Bri—Copy !req
360. - Oh, shit!Copy !req
361. Goddamn it, Frank!
You just ruined
my whole life!Copy !req
362. Wait, wait, wait.
Check his pulse.Copy !req
363. He doesn't have a head!
Oh, my God!Copy !req
364. If the British come in here and
find this body, we are screwed!
Jesus, God, he's right!Copy !req
365. We gotta get rid of this body!
How are we gonna do that?
Maybe we could bury it out back.Copy !req
366. No, there's no time.
We gotta burn that body.Copy !req
367. Burn? It's gonna call
too much attention!Copy !req
368. Let's chop it up
into a million pieces!
I got an idea.Copy !req
369. Careful man. Steady.Copy !req
370. It's heavy.Copy !req
371. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
372. Shit!Copy !req
373. Bro, we just broke
the Liberty Bell.Copy !req
374. I'll get you, my pretties!Copy !req
375. Pretties!
It's totally broken!Copy !req
376. Stop... this... story!Copy !req
377. - Okay?
- We weren't quite finished yet.
We were just climaxing there.Copy !req
378. I've finished listening.Copy !req
379. Have you now?Copy !req
380. Uh, okay.
Well, that's fair.
Uh, the end, I guess.Copy !req
381. Uh, so are we
an historical landmark now?Copy !req
382. - No!
- You gotta be kiddin' me.Copy !req
383. It's such a good story.
Yeah.Copy !req
384. Maybe she didn't
understand the story.
Maybe we skimmed too much.Copy !req
385. Well, let's tell the full story
this time. Let's— We won't
leave out any details.Copy !req
386. A lot more details.
You know what? Sit back.
Get comfortable.Copy !req
387. This is gonna take
a little longer this time.
Okay.Copy !req
388. You ready?
It starts the same.Copy !req
389. Okay.
The year was 1776—Copy !req