1. ♪ Go for it, go for it, goCopy !req
2. Go for it, go for it.Copy !req
3. Well, somebody's
chipper this morning.Copy !req
4. Oh... you guys were there
all this time?Copy !req
5. I didn't see you.Copy !req
6. Yeah, we just didn't
want to interruptCopy !req
7. your morning routine.Copy !req
8. Is doing cocaine every
morning your routine, Frank?Copy !req
9. Yeah.
Hey, Frank,Copy !req
10. how's Wolf Cola doing?Copy !req
11. Funny you should ask.Copy !req
12. I'm selling it to the JewsCopy !req
13. in Boca Raton.Copy !req
14. They're slurping it upCopy !req
15. like candy.
They're...Copy !req
16. I'm telling you,
they're addicted.Copy !req
17. If I recall, Wolf Cola
used to just be, like,Copy !req
18. a money laundering front.Copy !req
19. Well, it was, but I'm selling
it now by the truckload.Copy !req
20. I mean, they can't
get enough of it.Copy !req
21. It's become the official drink
of Boca Raton.Copy !req
22. Why do you ask?Copy !req
23. Well, just 'cause of this.Copy !req
24. The group releasedCopy !req
25. another video today.Copy !req
26. Preliminary investigationsCopy !req
27. have revealed that
Wolf Cola may in fact beCopy !req
28. an American soda company,
although how and why Boko HaramCopy !req
29. has adopted it
as their official soft drinkCopy !req
30. is unknown at this time.Copy !req
31. We'll keep you updated
on this story as it develops.Copy !req
32. Boca Raton, Frank?Copy !req
33. Or the official soft
drink of Boko Haram?Copy !req
34. Whoops.Copy !req
35. How do you confuse
a city in FloridaCopy !req
36. with a terrorist
organization in Africa?Copy !req
37. It's an easy misunderstanding.Copy !req
38. It is if you're
an elderly cokehead,Copy !req
39. trying to launder money
through a dummyCopy !req
40. This is bigger than cola, Dee.Copy !req
41. This is gonna touch
all of Frank's Fluids.Copy !req
42. My God, there are
other fluids?Copy !req
43. Yeah, Wolf Cola,
some Nip boba drink...Copy !req
44. Fight Milk.Copy !req
45. Fight Milk?
Fight Milk?Copy !req
46. Yeah.
Wait, wait, dude,
that's our drink.Copy !req
47. You've been selling that?Copy !req
48. It's selling like crazyCopy !req
49. with the UFC guys.Copy !req
50. UFC fighters are
drinking Fight Milk?
What?Copy !req
51. Buying it like crazy.Copy !req
52. Oh, my God, Charlie,
this is huge.Copy !req
53. Yeah!
Remember,
we designed thatCopy !req
54. for bodyguards,
by bodyguards.Copy !req
55. And it makes total sense
because the-the best bodyguardsCopy !req
56. are former UFC fighters.
Well, of course.Copy !req
57. And the best UFC fighters
are former bodyguards,Copy !req
58. so bodyguards,
UFC fighters,Copy !req
59. that's like...
It's a revolving door.Copy !req
60. Absolutely.
Of course. We got to
take control of the product.Copy !req
61. L-Let's get out there.Copy !req
62. Let's-let's-let's mingle
with these dudes.Copy !req
63. Let's expand
the brand, baby.Copy !req
64. Fight Milk's back.Copy !req
65. Fight Milk!
Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
66. Found my go bag.Copy !req
67. Dee, come over here
and dye my hair blond.Copy !req
68. Go bag?
You're gonna go blond?Copy !req
69. Yeah.Copy !req
70. This is not funny.Copy !req
71. Oh, no, it's very
funny to me, actually,Copy !req
72. 'cause your life's
falling apart.Copy !req
73. Yeah, you really screwed
yourself this time, Frank.Copy !req
74. Hey, do you mind?Copy !req
75. Yeah, go ahead.
I'm screwed?Copy !req
76. You're going down, too, buddy.Copy !req
77. What?Copy !req
78. Remember when
you wanted all the powerCopy !req
79. so you could get the puss?Copy !req
80. I made you executiveCopy !req
81. vice president
of worldwide distribution.Copy !req
82. Shit, but nobody
knows that, right?Copy !req
83. I mean, dude, I only wanted
the illusion of power.Copy !req
84. The-the illusion.Copy !req
85. I never saw an
ounce of puss.Copy !req
86. Oh, this is a
good day for me.Copy !req
87. You're going down, too?
This is great.
You're laughing?Copy !req
88. You're executive vice president
of operations.Copy !req
89. Oh.
What?
Yes.Copy !req
90. Goddamn it, Frank,
why would you lump me into this?Copy !req
91. It's a family business.
I wanted it to be wholesome.Copy !req
92. Okay, a-all right,
all right.
Oh, no.Copy !req
93. Don't panic, don't
panic, don't panic.
Oh, no.Copy !req
94. I got this,
I got this.Copy !req
95. We-we just need to face
this thing head-on.Copy !req
96. And we need to do
it right away, okay?Copy !req
97. Because we only have...Copy !req
98. 24 hours.Copy !req
99. This is why we had to waitCopy !req
100. for you to go to
Bed Bath & Beyond?Copy !req
101. Yes, bitch.
Now, listen,Copy !req
102. we live in the age
of the 24-hour news cycle,Copy !req
103. which means we only haveCopy !req
104. 24 hours to respond to this,
okay?Copy !req
105. If we don't,
then Internet trollsCopy !req
106. are gonna control the narrative.Copy !req
107. I don't know how
we're gonna come backCopy !req
108. from dealing
with terrorists.Copy !req
109. Christ, Mercedes built
Nazi tanks, okay?Copy !req
110. And the Jews are still driving
their cars around.Copy !req
111. Floyd Mayweather
beat the shitCopy !req
112. out of multiple women
and he's the highest paidCopy !req
113. athlete of all time.Copy !req
114. All right? There's
only one thingCopy !req
115. you can't come back from...
banging kids.Copy !req
116. Well, what about
the Catholic Church?Copy !req
117. That's a good point.
Hmm.Copy !req
118. Yeah, no, they did sidestepCopy !req
119. banging kids pretty masterfully,Copy !req
120. but they've got billions of
dollars at their disposalCopy !req
121. and we do not, so...
No.Copy !req
122. here we go.Copy !req
123. Fight Milk!
Fight Milk's
in the house.Copy !req
124. Fight Milk's
in the house.Copy !req
125. Who wants
to drink some Fight Milk?
Fight! Fight!Copy !req
126. Fight Milk's
in the house.
That's right.Copy !req
127. Time to stop
eating your crowCopy !req
128. and start drinking
your crow, everybody.Copy !req
129. Hey, guys.Copy !req
130. Turn off that Cancun,Copy !req
131. pussy ass, techno bullshit.Copy !req
132. Yeah.
Yeah, that's
what I said.Copy !req
133. I said turn off the...
That's what I was
saying is...Copy !req
134. Don't play
the c... the...Copy !req
135. the Cancun
bullshit, Charlie,Copy !req
136. and he said...
I said the same
thing, yeah.Copy !req
137. Got to go spring break.
Well, anyway,Copy !req
138. let's tell you
about ourselves.
Yeah.Copy !req
139. We're the founders and
creators of Fight Milk.Copy !req
140. Yeah.
We wanted to come
by and tell youCopy !req
141. a little bit
about what we do.Copy !req
142. Yeah.
Now, I've always
been very passionateCopy !req
143. about dominating
other men.
Uh-oh.Copy !req
144. There's nothing
like the feelingCopy !req
145. of another man
submitting to your will.Copy !req
146. Now that's power.Copy !req
147. Yeah.
In a lot of ways,
that's love.Copy !req
148. What are you
talking about?Copy !req
149. Okay, he's a
bodyguard, though.Copy !req
150. Yeah.
I feel like you
were being unclear.Copy !req
151. Did-did I
not say that?
Yeah, you should say...Copy !req
152. you should lead with that.
I'm screwing
up the pitch.Copy !req
153. You know what,
I'm gonna jump in here.Copy !req
154. We're-we're a couple
of crow enthusiastsCopy !req
155. who wanted to take the powerCopy !req
156. and essence of a crowCopy !req
157. and-and we packed that
into a delicious milk drinkCopy !req
158. that we invented,
thus Fight Milk.
Yeah.Copy !req
159. I don't know what you guys
are talking about right now,Copy !req
160. but I have heard of your stuffCopy !req
161. and Cerrone and Felder,
they actually love it.Copy !req
162. Are you kidding me, dude?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.Copy !req
163. Cowboy Cerrone and Paul
Felder drink Fight Milk?Copy !req
164. Oh, they love it.
They crush it.Copy !req
165. They crush it.
They're crushing...Copy !req
166. That's...
Fight MilkCopy !req
167. is supposed
to be crushed.Copy !req
168. Uh, this is for
wiping yourself down.Copy !req
169. Yeah, yeah,
thanks, bro.
Okay, man.Copy !req
170. All right,
yeah, my man.
All right, thanks, bro.Copy !req
171. Yeah, thanks, guys.Copy !req
172. Hey, good luck
with that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
173. Hello?
Hello?Copy !req
174. Uh, Mr. Cowboy,
Mr. Felder.Copy !req
175. Oh, Cowboy!
Hey!Copy !req
176. Oh!
Oh!Copy !req
177. It's us, the
Fight Milk guys.
Hey.Copy !req
178. Oh, man, we love your drink.Copy !req
179. We just had some.Copy !req
180. Yeah, man, I'd get up
and shake your handsCopy !req
181. if I wasn't shitting
my brains out right now.Copy !req
182. Oh, no.
No, no,
that's fine, yeah.Copy !req
183. So, Fight Milk
makes you sick?Copy !req
184. Makes you expel
all body fluids.Copy !req
185. Sweat, piss,Copy !req
186. and shit; we got these
weigh-ins coming up.Copy !req
187. Nothing cuts weight
like Fight Milk.Copy !req
188. Oh, you're using it
to cut weight, huh?Copy !req
189. They should give
you guys a Nobel...Copy !req
190. Oh, I just puked
on my dick!Copy !req
191. Rock and roll.Copy !req
192. All right, cool.Copy !req
193. Well, uh...
Rock and roll, yeah.Copy !req
194. Yeah.
We just got you some merch.Copy !req
195. Um...Copy !req
196. Yeah, water bottle.Copy !req
197. For when you feel
better, and...Copy !req
198. Um... yeah,
We should, uh...Copy !req
199. well, keep drinking
the-the drinkCopy !req
200. that makes you guys
throw up and...Copy !req
201. Oh! Oh!
Oh, God!Copy !req
202. All right, you guys ready?
We are.Copy !req
203. This is our opportunityCopy !req
204. to control our message
to the public.Copy !req
205. And I think how we do that
is soften their brand.Copy !req
206. Whose brand?
Boko Haram.Copy !req
207. What?
Wait, stop,Copy !req
208. Fr-Frank, you want to change...Copy !req
209. the perception of a global
terrorist organization?Copy !req
210. Yeah, and I've got
many facts to do it.
No. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
211. Put your facts away.
We're just here to
apologize, bozo.Copy !req
212. No, hold on a second, Dee, no.
We're not hereCopy !req
213. to apologize, either, okay?
You never apologize.Copy !req
214. We're just here to
take responsibility,Copy !req
215. but for nothing specific.Copy !req
216. All that matters
is that consumers feelCopy !req
217. their voices are being heard.
No.Copy !req
218. You say you're sorry, and
then you just move on.Copy !req
219. No, Dee, actually,
you don't say anything.Copy !req
220. But you do have
a very important job—Copy !req
221. to say nothing and
stand behind me.Copy !req
222. You see, audiences
are gonna trust meCopy !req
223. over you because you're a woman,Copy !req
224. and, by definition, shrill.Copy !req
225. No. Women identify
with women in power.Copy !req
226. Oh, no, Dee.
Women hate other
women in power.Copy !req
227. I'm threatened by 'em.
Everyone is.Copy !req
228. Now, objectify yourself
and humanize me.Copy !req
229. Hmm.Copy !req
230. And here to tell
their side of the storyCopy !req
231. is the team
from Wolf Cola.Copy !req
232. Guys, thanks
for coming in.Copy !req
233. Oh, well, thank you
for having us, Chet.Copy !req
234. We at Wolf Cola were
as shocked and saddenedCopy !req
235. by this news as everyone else.Copy !req
236. Uh, this by no means
reflects our idealsCopy !req
237. as a premium soda company.Copy !req
238. We're a family-run business,Copy !req
239. and we really care
about people's concerns.Copy !req
240. Listen, the point is,Copy !req
241. we have heard you all,Copy !req
242. and we are working tirelessly
to remedy this situation.Copy !req
243. Well, not
an easy situation,Copy !req
244. indeed, but handled
with grace and aplomb.Copy !req
245. Thank you, Mr. Reynolds.
And it looks likeCopy !req
246. you're already getting
good feedback.Copy !req
247. Oh, that's-that's great.
Well, uh, thank you, Chet.Copy !req
248. And I want to say thank you
to America...Copy !req
249. And also, we're sorry.Copy !req
250. We accept
full responsibilityCopy !req
251. for this heinous mistake,
and please knowCopy !req
252. that I am actively
firing people as we speak,Copy !req
253. because I am the boss.Copy !req
254. Bitch.Copy !req
255. That's good to know.Copy !req
256. Yes.Copy !req
257. Next up, a heroic tale...Copy !req
258. You know what, Chet,Copy !req
259. can I say something?Copy !req
260. I think we've said enough.Copy !req
261. I think...
you got to understandCopy !req
262. that Boko Haram
did not do 9/11.Copy !req
263. Yeah.
That was...
al-Qaeda.Copy !req
264. Paris, that was doneCopy !req
265. by ISIS.Copy !req
266. Boko Haram
is just concentrating,Copy !req
267. they're doing Africa.
I mean...Copy !req
268. I mean, there's
mosquitos down thereCopy !req
269. that are bigger terrorists
than Boko Haram.Copy !req
270. We're gonna
take a break.Copy !req
271. And the 24-hour news cycle
starts again.Copy !req
272. Way to go, assholes.Copy !req
273. I made good points.
Jesus Christ,Copy !req
274. I am just getting
eviscerated online.Copy !req
275. People calling me a bitch,
flat-chested bitch,Copy !req
276. pretty much everybody
wanting to rape me.Copy !req
277. All right, you opened that door
the second you apologized, Dee.Copy !req
278. You don't see this?
People need an outletCopy !req
279. to unleash their rage.
Now social mediaCopy !req
280. will come down on youCopy !req
281. with the fury of
a middle-aged manCopy !req
282. who's accomplished
nothing.Copy !req
283. Hi-yo!
What's up, bitches?Copy !req
284. What's that?
What do you got?Copy !req
285. Huh? Crow traps,
baby. Look.Copy !req
286. Fight Milk is boomin'.
Apparently,Copy !req
287. people are using it
to lose weight.Copy !req
288. Yeah. Now, we're gonna
lean into that new marketCopy !req
289. and rebrand the product.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
290. I like this rebranding idea.Copy !req
291. That's what I got to do—
I got to rebrand my product.Copy !req
292. You guys, the problem is,
I just ooze sexuality.Copy !req
293. Well, you ooze.Copy !req
294. A real woman of power,Copy !req
295. she exudes
no sexuality at all.Copy !req
296. That's true.
I think we got to focus
on not losing Boko Haram.Copy !req
297. That's a good business.
The fastest-growing marketplaceCopy !req
298. is Muslim extremists.Copy !req
299. Frank, we're not going into
business with terrorists.Copy !req
300. Are you crazy?Copy !req
301. Look, we need to get
back on TV immediatelyCopy !req
302. and control the
goddamn narrative.Copy !req
303. Yeah, speaking of TV,
we're gonna be doing
a little controllingCopy !req
304. of our narrative,
so you guys mind
clearing out?Copy !req
305. Yeah, this is
now our set.Copy !req
306. All right, come on, we got work
to do, guys. Let's go.Copy !req
307. Let's go.
Don't forget your phone,Copy !req
308. stupid idiot.
Yep.Copy !req
309. Three, two, one!
What up!
What up!Copy !req
310. Are you fat?
You probably are,
'cause you're watching TV!Copy !req
311. Or Internet.Copy !req
312. Fight Milk! Rebrand!Copy !req
313. Let's talk
about women's bodies.Copy !req
314. I like women.Copy !req
315. It's easy for us men—
we have fourCopy !req
316. acceptable body types.Copy !req
317. Skinny ripped,
jack ripped, dad bod,Copy !req
318. and fat— if you're funny.Copy !req
319. It's a landslide!Copy !req
320. As we all know, women only have
one acceptable body type.Copy !req
321. Skinny, big tits!Copy !req
322. New evidence is suggesting
that all this scienceCopy !req
323. inside one crow's eggCopy !req
324. can scientifically make
your breasts larger.Copy !req
325. Watch the enzymes
enlargify your breasts.Copy !req
326. Want to hear more about it?
The sci...Copy !req
327. Aah!Copy !req
328. No nerds! Fight Milk!Copy !req
329. Finally there's a crow-basedCopy !req
330. protein alcoholic drink for you.Copy !req
331. Fight Milk! Fight Milk!Copy !req
332. Well, what do you guys think?
I don't get it.Copy !req
333. That's 'cause you're
a stupid ring girl.Copy !req
334. It couldn't be
any simpler.
Yeah, look,Copy !req
335. take it easy.
Basically, we're tryingCopy !req
336. to expand our product
to the world of UFC women,Copy !req
337. and look, uh, ring girls
are the perfect combo.Copy !req
338. Really.
Yeah. I mean,
honestly, ladies,Copy !req
339. you could afford to
lose a few pounds,Copy !req
340. maybe in this area...Copy !req
341. Well...
or here.Copy !req
342. Really, I mean, between
the three of you, we
could be opening upCopy !req
343. a bakery with all the
muffin tops I'm seeing.Copy !req
344. Yes.
Now, Fight Milk
will help youCopy !req
345. lose those
unwanted poundsCopy !req
346. so you don't have
to resort to surgery,Copy !req
347. which could cause scarring and
make you even less attractiveCopy !req
348. to men than you
already are, okay?
All right.Copy !req
349. Now, I feel like...
No, no, look,
I'm sorry,Copy !req
350. my friend has
really weird women issues.Copy !req
351. I didn't realize he brought
a laser pointer.Copy !req
352. But the point is,
you guys could look even betterCopy !req
353. if you drank Fight Milk.Copy !req
354. We're not into
your weird diarrhea drink.Copy !req
355. Right. Okay,
it's not a diarrhea drink.Copy !req
356. It's...
You know what,
Charlie?Copy !req
357. This isn't the dream
that I had for Fight Milk.Copy !req
358. No! We're not the diarrhea guys.Copy !req
359. No!
That's not what I want to be.Copy !req
360. It's not for women! It
was never made for women!Copy !req
361. But it'd be great
if women also drank it.Copy !req
362. The dream was to create
a muscle-up energy drinkCopy !req
363. Yeah.
that gave you the power
to fight like a crow!Copy !req
364. Yes!
Men!Copy !req
365. Or women.
But yes. But definitelyCopy !req
366. crow-power fighting skills.
Either way,Copy !req
367. Absolutely.
I think, dude, we got
to get back to the lab.Copy !req
368. I think we got to get
some more crows.Copy !req
369. From dog fighting
to finding a loving home.Copy !req
370. Amazing.Copy !req
371. Now, who wouldn't want
to adopt a little guy like this?Copy !req
372. Well said, Mike.Copy !req
373. Great story.Copy !req
374. Now, a local soda company
is back in hot waterCopy !req
375. with controversial
remarks.Copy !req
376. Returning to talk about it today
is the team from Wolf Cola.Copy !req
377. Thank you so much
for having us back, Chet. Um,Copy !req
378. we at Wolf Cola are not just
about making a satisfying soda.Copy !req
379. We are about making
satisfied customers.Copy !req
380. We do acknowledge
consumers' concerns.Copy !req
381. Yes, but we are not apologizing.Copy !req
382. Right. Oh.
Sorry.Copy !req
383. I'm just here to humanize him.Copy !req
384. To support me.
To-to support him.Copy !req
385. Support me.Copy !req
386. Uh, Chet, we would also
like to announceCopy !req
387. that for every can
of Wolf Cola sold,Copy !req
388. a portion of the proceeds
will be going to a charityCopy !req
389. that supports African people.Copy !req
390. All Africans,Copy !req
391. even the...
our friends at Boko Haram,Copy !req
392. because they
are people, too.Copy !req
393. We don't
discriminate.
Okay, right.Copy !req
394. Uh, yeah, look,
Chet, if I mayCopy !req
395. address the public directly?Copy !req
396. By all means.
Okay.Copy !req
397. Um, I assure youCopy !req
398. that we have righted this ship,Copy !req
399. and we are taking
every step necessaryCopy !req
400. to address all of your concerns.Copy !req
401. We at Wolf Cola hope
to be a partCopy !req
402. of your family's daily
refreshment for years to come.Copy !req
403. And we can say that
without saying I'm sorry.Copy !req
404. Well, Mr. Reynolds,Copy !req
405. it sounds like Wolf Cola has
the right man in charge.Copy !req
406. Yeah. Well, I appreciate that.Copy !req
407. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.Copy !req
408. I thought we were done
with the dog segment.Copy !req
409. What the hell's this?
Oh. Looks like we gotCopy !req
410. a lovable little guy
loose in the studio here.Copy !req
411. Yeah. Can we get him out
of here?Copy !req
412. Great. Thanks.
Not a dogCopy !req
413. lover, Mr. Reynolds?
Yeah.Copy !req
414. Well, if you're asking me if I,Copy !req
415. if I like wild animals
slobbering all over me,Copy !req
416. then, yeah,
I guess I'm not really a...Copy !req
417. not really a dog lover then.
Wow. I haveCopy !req
418. never met a person who
does not like dogs before.Copy !req
419. There are plenty of us
out there,Copy !req
420. uh, Chet. Okay, trust me.
We're just afraid to admit itCopy !req
421. because we feel like we're gonna
be judged by people like you.Copy !req
422. Well, let's take a break.
You know what?
Actually, I'm not done.Copy !req
423. Uh, Chet, are you a vegetarian
by any chance?
No.Copy !req
424. Oh, so you're a hypocrite. Yeah.Copy !req
425. See, I find that most people
that are whiningCopy !req
426. about dog fights
are actually the same peopleCopy !req
427. going to football games
and UFC fights,Copy !req
428. watching human beings
beat the ever-loving shitCopy !req
429. out of each other while eating,
uh, fried chicken.Copy !req
430. So, wait. Are you saying you're
an animal rights activist?Copy !req
431. No, I'm actually
the opposite, pal.Copy !req
432. I can't imagine a bigger waste
of people's time and energy.Copy !req
433. I mean, Chet, if you can eat
fried chicken, thenCopy !req
434. I should be able
to eat me some fried dog.Copy !req
435. Know what I'm saying?
I should be able to eat a bucketCopy !req
436. of fried dog
at a chicken fight.Copy !req
437. Yeah. All I'm saying is,Copy !req
438. look, let's just, you know,
let's be consistent.Copy !req
439. How you feeling, boys?
You've been poundingCopy !req
440. that new formula?
Yeah, I see you doing it.Copy !req
441. Yeah, and we're not doing
so good, asshole,Copy !req
442. 'cause nothing's
coming out of me.Copy !req
443. My trash can's empty.Copy !req
444. Yeah, we're scared to shit
we ain't gonna make weight.
Oh, guys.Copy !req
445. Guys, just don't worry.
Yeah, yeah, don't worry.
No, guys, guys, guys.Copy !req
446. Don't worry. Okay,
look, this is all a partCopy !req
447. of our two-step
process, all right?Copy !req
448. See, right now,
you're crow loading...Copy !req
449. Yeah, you've...
you've drank about, like,Copy !req
450. four or five entire crowsCopy !req
451. 'cause I'm grinding one up
for every bottle at this point.Copy !req
452. Yes, and it is that crow enzyme
that's jacking you up,Copy !req
453. and that's why you look
so beefy and so handsome.
And...Copy !req
454. All right, but then what's gonna
happen is, you start drinkingCopy !req
455. the Fight Milk Classic, right,Copy !req
456. and-and that's gonna
make you really sick,Copy !req
457. 'cause that's just
the crow eggsCopy !req
458. and some
of the crow's fecal matter.Copy !req
459. So you start
to puke everything out,Copy !req
460. and then you'll be
fine for the weigh-in.Copy !req
461. You're gonna be puking
on your dick in no time.Copy !req
462. Yeah, yeah, that one's real
nasty. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
463. Yeah.
You're gonna make weight
at the weigh-in.Copy !req
464. Yeah, all I know is,
we don't make weight,Copy !req
465. I'm killing you both.Copy !req
466. Yeah.Copy !req
467. All right.
Uh, that's fine.Copy !req
468. We're gonna be...
We're good.Copy !req
469. Yeah. Yeah.
All right, guys, hey,
go... go kick ass.Copy !req
470. Remember, that's the nasty one.
Drink that one.Copy !req
471. That one's got
a real...Copy !req
472. All right,Copy !req
473. let's bring out
the first fighter, Cub Swanson.Copy !req
474. We got to get him. We got
to get him drinking it.Copy !req
475. Up next, the challenger,
Donald "Cowboy" Cerrone.Copy !req
476. Cowboy!
Yeah!Copy !req
477. Yes!Copy !req
478. This is it. This is it, dude.
If he makes weight,Copy !req
479. this is gonna change Fight Milk
and our lives forever.Copy !req
480. I know, but if he doesn't,
we're bolting, right?Copy !req
481. Oh, yeah. I've already
scoped out every single exit.Copy !req
482. Cowboy! Cowboy!
155.Copy !req
483. Yes!Copy !req
484. Yeah. We did it!Copy !req
485. We're gonna be rich!
We did it!
We're gonna be rich!Copy !req
486. We're gonna be rich.
Let's go.Copy !req
487. All right, Cowboy,
how you feeling right now?Copy !req
488. I'm feeling good. Ready to put
on a show for all these guys.Copy !req
489. What the hell is going on?
Who are these guys?Copy !req
490. Uh, just like to take the
opportunity to thank Fight Milk.Copy !req
491. Yes, and thank you, Cowboy,
and thank you, Megan.Copy !req
492. We'd also like
to take this opportunityCopy !req
493. to announce
that Fight Milk is nowCopy !req
494. the official drink
of the UFC.
Official drink.Copy !req
495. Now, if you're in...Copy !req
496. No, no.Copy !req
497. This is not
the official drink of the UFC.Copy !req
498. And I don't know
who these guys are.Copy !req
499. Security, get these assholes
out of here!
Fight Milk!Copy !req
500. Fight Milk! Fight Milk!Copy !req
501. Fight Milk!
Fight Milk! Fight Milk!Copy !req
502. Fight Milk! Fight Milk!Copy !req
503. The nationwide hatred
of Wolf ColaCopy !req
504. continues to intensify
on an hourly basis...Copy !req
505. Holy shit. We're getting
hammered worse than before.Copy !req
506. Bye-bye, Frank's Fluids.Copy !req
507. Turns out there are two things
that can't be forgiven—Copy !req
508. raping children
and disliking dogs.Copy !req
509. Well, what am I gonna do
with all the merchandise, man?Copy !req
510. Throw it in the garbage,
burn it. Who gives a shit?Copy !req
511. Yeah, we're done.
Fight Milk shit the bed.Copy !req
512. What happened?
Breaking newsCopy !req
513. from the sports world.Copy !req
514. Fighters at a UFCCopy !req
515. event in Philly tested positiveCopy !req
516. for several banned substances,Copy !req
517. stemming from an energy drink
called Fight Milk.Copy !req
518. We pumped it full of human
growth hormone, you know.
Yeah.Copy !req
519. I mean, just nothing
else was working.Copy !req
520. It just... it was just
giving people diarrhea.Copy !req
521. Mm.
Ugh.Copy !req
522. Starting to become knownCopy !req
523. as the official drink
of the UFC,Copy !req
524. this Fight Milk is
a serious smudge for the group,Copy !req
525. and a potential
public relations nightmare.Copy !req
526. Ooh.
Holy shit.
Holy shit.Copy !req
527. What?
You guys,
this is good.Copy !req
528. This is good. We're freed,
and they are screwed.Copy !req
529. See, this is actually
the one good thingCopy !req
530. about the 24-hour
news cycle.Copy !req
531. If you give it enough time,
something new will come alongCopy !req
532. to replace people's old
outrage with new outrage.Copy !req
533. Not much is known
about Fight Milk,Copy !req
534. except that it's made
right here in PhiladelphiaCopy !req
535. by a parent company
known as Frank's Fluids.Copy !req
536. Goddamn it!Copy !req
537. Start the clock.Copy !req
538. Yeah.Copy !req
539. Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBHCopy !req