It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia 12x1

Directed by Matt Shakman

Scott Bakula as Scott Bakula • Chad L. Coleman as Z • Wil Garret as Old Black Man • Kyra Locke as Social Worker • Edwin H. Bravo as Orderly

After an electric heating blanket shorts out while the gang watches the Wiz they look in the mirror and realize they've turned black. They have to figure out how to get back to being themselves by going through all the classic body switch movie shenanigans they encounter.

Request examples:

!req It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia 12x1 [02:32]
!req It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia 12x1 [It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia 12x1]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia 12x1 [10-11]; !req It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia 12x1 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Is that Allison's dog?

2. Yeah. Allison's dead.

3. And the dog just keeps barking.

4. Shut up!

5. Fxx presents it's always sunny in Philadelphia.

6. Ooh. Man, that was, like, one Mississippi that time.

7. Yeah, that storm's, like, right on top of us, huh?

8. Yeah. It's kind of cool, though.

9. I mean, I can't think of a better way to have a movie night

10. than in the middle of an electrical storm.

11. It's kind of cozy, right? Mm-hmm. Cool, right?

12. Why do we have to watch the wiz?

13. This movie sucks.

14. Well, it's old black man's night to pick the movie.

15. Yeah, but he's asleep. Yeah, but, like...

16. Why do a remake of the wizard of oz? I mean, the original

17. was a classic. Uh, don't you think it's fair, though,

18. that they get their version? You know,

19. I mean, it's very difficult

20. being a black person in America, you know?

21. So what? Doesn't mean i want to watch Orlando bloom

22. in boyz n the hood. Yeah, I don't want to see that.

23. Oh, yeah, if you flip it it's weird, man, yeah. I would see that.

24. I would see that. I would see that.

25. I mean, look, this may be

26. a little bit touchy for me to say,

27. but, uh, you know, black people—

28. they have a lot more opportunities these days.

29. Well, we did have a black president before the orange one.

30. Yeah, but that doesn't mean there's not problems.

31. I mean, what about the whole,

32. like, black lives matter thing?

33. Uh, well, sure, no, good point.

34. But, I mean, I don't know why

35. it took 'em so long to realize

36. that their lives matter.

37. I mean, they-they've always mattered,

38. you know? But I would also say

39. that all lives matter, you know?

40. And while black people may not feel like it,

41. it's kind of tough out there right now for everybody.

42. I mean, really, our lives aren't all that different.

43. Whoa. Oh...

44. What the hell happened? Did we get struck by lightning?

45. Uh, I think it came through the electric blankets.

46. Yeah, we got electrocuted. Holy shit.

47. Look at this— the vcr's toast.

48. Uh, wait a sec...

49. Where's old black man?

50. Oh, my god. He's gone.

51. What the hell? What?

52. Uh...

53. Guys?

54. You're gonna want to see this.

55. What?

56. Well, that's interesting.

57. what the hell is happening?

58. Why are we black people?

59. But only in our reflections.

60. This is insane.

61. Are we in a dream? Do we got, we got to, like,

62. pinch ourselves or something?

63. Why is it daylight outside?

64. How is this happening?

65. Forget how.

66. We're past that.

67. It is happening. It just is.

68. uh, oh, well, no, it's not the wiz, because nobody

69. switches bodies in the wiz. Got to be something else.

70. I mean, I think we're experiencing something

71. here I go.

72. uh... Right. Oh, actually, no, face/off wouldn't work,

73. because that's a face-switching movie. Yeah, no,

74. guys, I think we found ourselves in a quantum leap.

75. Hmm? What the hell's a quantum leap?

76. Oh, a great show from the coke-fueled era

77. of '80s television where Scott bakula

78. would leap into other people's bodies,

79. but he didn't know it unless he saw his reflection.

80. Wow. Shit.

81. Yeah, I don't know what that was. That was super weird.

82. Okay, guys, I think I know what's happening here.

83. I think we're in the respite of a musical,

84. where people can get out the necessary information

85. that doesn't fit into rhyme form.

86. Clearly, yeah, that's what's happening. That's what's happening,

87. right? So let's talk fast be-before

88. another song starts. Okay, so... Okay, that's a good idea.

89. You know what the problem is? We don't know the rules.

90. And there's no way we're gonna figure this out

91. until we figure out what the rules are.

92. oh, Christ, I'm singing again.

93. wh... oh.

94. Holy shit, what have I done? Um, okay, look,

95. this is gonna keep happening, I think. Oh, god.

96. All right, so let's-let's figure this out, soon.

97. Let's split up, okay? Y-you two,

98. uh, go and try and find old black man. Mm...

99. I'm sorry— old man. Just old man. Yeah. Yeah.

100. And, um, help him out, you know?

101. Do-do the quantum leap thing.

102. See that thing through, in case

103. it's that. And the three of us,

104. we'll go out and, um, we'll try

105. to do the freaky Friday thing—

106. try to figure out whose bodies we switched with.

107. But are they gonna look like us, though?

108. I don't know.

109. don't force the wiz thing.

110. Wait, where are my keys?

111. Where are my keys? You got 'em?

112. I can't...

113. Wait, what is this?

114. It's a wallet. I know it's a wallet, asshole.

115. I'm saying it's not my wallet.

116. Oh.

117. I appear to be a guy named Reggie Williams.

118. Oh, shit. Oh.

119. Yeah, this is an interesting new rule.

120. It seems that even though we have our own clothes,

121. we have access to the pockets of our reflections.

122. What movie is that from? I don't know that one.

123. My pockets are empty. Oh! Maybe the lesson

124. we're supposed to learn is that black people are broke. You're broke.

125. That's a good point. Yeah, yeah... Oh, shit, hang on a second.

126. This kid's got 25 bucks. Oh! Black people are rich.

127. That's the lesson. You know what, no, i think we're not

128. supposed to make wild assumptions about black people

129. based upon whether or not we have stuff in our pockets.

130. Yeah, that's... that's just... Don't make that assumption.

131. But I'll tell you what, you know what the first thing I need to do is?

132. Find Reggie Williams. Uh, no, actually, that's the second thing.

133. I got to cancel my credit card, 'cause this Reggie guy might have it, you know?

134. Oh, right, that's the lesson we have to learn:

135. That black people will ruin your credit.

136. No... what? Dude, you... you have to stop. And you have to stop.

137. I mean, what are you talk... I'm just trying to figure out what the lesson is.

138. We're never gonna zap back making these kind of... Well, hold on a second—

139. the thing I was saying was that i would cancel my credit card

140. no matter what race the guy was.

141. But you went right to it... All right, you know what,

142. okay, fine, let's just find the guy.

143. Look, how are we gonna get in your car without your keys?

144. Oh, I can get in, man. I've lost my keys before. You just

145. got to kind of rock the car a little bit. Wiggle it down?

146. And check the back door, actually, 'cause sometimes...

147. Sometimes that's unlocked. Back door.

148. Like a wire hanger or... Usually if I push it

149. a little bit, though... A coat hangar somewhere.

150. Just kind of slide the window down...

151. Car 559, responding to robbery in progress. Shit.

152. Okay, look, it's all right, all right, calm down, calm down.

153. It's all good, it's all good.

154. You know, we can talk our way out of this.

155. We get out of this stuff all the time.

156. this is the exact same place where I found old black man...

157. What. God, god, frank.

158. Oh, sorry, sorry. Old man...

159. Okay. In the first place.

160. You know what? This has got to be our mission.

161. I just feel it. We're just gonna find old man.

162. We're gonna find him a place to live.

163. Yeah, yeah. Like, we'll stick him

164. in a nursing home or something.

165. You can afford that, right?

166. Right, right. And then... Yeah.

167. When we turn white again, I'll stop paying the checks.

168. Oh, stop! Don't-don't say that out loud.

169. Just— I feel like whoever zapped us here

170. is probably listening.

171. Who's that? Who zapped us?

172. I don't know, Ziggy? They don...

173. They never really clarified on quantum leap.

174. They just, they just accepted it.

175. What? You mean nobody ever went after the guy for revenge?

176. Can you just move past it like they did?

177. Okay. Let's go find your guy.

178. All right, all right, but let me do the talking,

179. because, you know, guys like z, they don't like strangers.

180. Yeah, but you're not you.

181. Oh, right.

182. Um, okay. Well, I got an idea

183. of how we can ingratiate ourselves to them.

184. where are you going with this, frank?

185. oh, come on.

186. are you serious?

187. well, not you're just stereotyping.

188. okay.

189. no, no, no, no, no. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

190. Why? Why? Thank you. No.

191. No, we're not saying that.

192. Absolutely not. Why? I'm black now.

193. It's probably the only chance i got to say it.

194. Why are you looking for a chance to say it?

195. Well, a lot of black guys say it.

196. Why-why-why should they get a pass?

197. It's just not the same, okay?

198. What's up, my niggas?

199. Oh, well.

200. What are the rules?

201. There you go. Hey, see?

202. You know what it is? Yeah.

203. I, uh, I'm black.

204. Uh... too. Uh...

205. I'm, uh, I'm black and I, I'm a friend of frank's.

206. Right, right, right. And, uh...

207. And I was looking for... Okay.

208. A man, uh, you know, that frank came

209. and brought to Dee's apartment to, uh,

210. sleep with a bunch of other people, and I...

211. I don't, I don't know how to describe him.

212. He's, uh, old, and, uh, um...

213. And he's... And, uh...

214. He's, uh, about... This tall; He has...

215. Man, you talking about old black man.

216. He right over there laying.

217. How much does this guy sleep? Is he a cat?

218. All aboard. Chug-a-chug-a-toot-toot.

219. You really like that train, huh?

220. Can you put it down for a sec, so we can talk?

221. Well, I'm, I'm still playing with it, though.

222. Okay.

223. Listen, I'm a social worker,

224. and I have some questions.

225. Now, are those older guys your friends?

226. Oh, yeah. That's my gang.

227. Wait.

228. Y-you're in a gang?

229. Oh, not like a gang-gang, like a...

230. Oh, right— this must sound weird.

231. All right, how can i explain this? Um...

232. um, sure.

233. Is frank your father?

234. guess we got that in common, huh, kid?

235. Oh, unless he knows his dad.

236. Oh, shoot. That was racist.

237. This is bullshit, man.

238. Th-this is total discrimination.

239. Well, we were breaking into a car that wasn't ours.

240. But, dude, I think we've got bigger problems on our hands.

241. What if we have priors? I do have priors.

242. Oh, I have priors, too.

243. I-i didn't mean us, i meant them.

244. Dude. That could be...

245. He probably does have priors.

246. You prob... Yeah.

247. Oh, no, see. No. Let's not do that.

248. Let's not go there, man.

249. right.

250. yes.

251. well, reverend, I see that you and the Deacon are praying.

252. I apologize about any inconvenience

253. and just want to thank you again

254. for all the work your parish has done

255. with the police athletic league.

256. We're church blacks!

257. Church people.

258. Yeah. Church— we're just church people.

259. The fact that we're black is irrelevant.

260. Has nothing to...

261. Will you look at this place, old man?

262. You will not have to be living with that Dee person anymore.

263. So it's kind of a win-win for everybody in this situation.

264. Carl. Ruth.

265. Where have you been?

266. Looking for you.

267. Children, did you find him?

268. Yes. Yes... children?

269. We're their kids!

270. Holy shit! Oh, shit.

271. We reunited them. We did.

272. That was our mission. We did it!

273. Oh! Oh, god, yes.

274. Hey. What's all the hubbub about over there?

275. Oh, shit.

276. Oh, what?

277. That's Scott bakula from quantum leap.

278. I thought you said

279. blacula, like a black vampire.

280. Hey. So we were right?

281. Wait a minute, are you here helping somebody?

282. Are you leaping?

283. Oh, my god.

284. The show— I can't get away from it.

285. Look, that was just a TV character.

286. I'm an actor.

287. Why do you got a mop? Researching a role.

288. So...

289. You didn't get a piece of the show?

290. Your residuals ran out. I'm sorry.

291. I've been working constantly for 30 years, okay?

292. All right. Okay, yeah.

293. So... Well, anyway, we just

294. reunited a family, and we're gonna, yeah.

295. We're gonna leap. We're gonna leap now.

296. Yeah, right now.

297. Ziggy, now!

298. It's not working. How do you do it?

299. How'd you do it on the show? Tell us how to do it.

300. Okay, just get out, okay? Hmm?

301. Get out. Everybody, everybody get out. Wait.

302. Fine. Fine, Scott.

303. But listen to me.

304. Don't steal our leap.

305. Yeah. Don't steal our leap.

306. Hey, Hollywood.

307. Why don't you leap on up to the third floor.

308. Somebody shit all over the dining hall.

309. Okay, boss.

310. dude, can I admit something to you?

311. I feel like that's the nicest the police have ever treated me.

312. Well, maybe that's the lesson that we have to learn.

313. That if you're an upstanding member of society,

314. then the police will treat you with respect.

315. Hmm. Although I still do suspect that we were arrested

316. due to racial profiling. Aw, I don't think so, dude.

317. No? I think it's still, i think it's still unclear.

318. ugh. Here we go with this.

319. hey, guys. Oh, hey. Hey.

320. Well, we're not in a quantum leap. What happened?

321. We reunited old black... Old man with his wife.

322. Nothing happened. Yeah, we ran into blacula.

323. Bakula. Bakula.

324. Scott bakula, the actor? Yeah, I think

325. he's trying to steal our leap. Yeah, he might be.

326. Mm-hmm. This doesn't make any sense.

327. See, we're not in a classic body-switching movie, either,

328. because we've been learning lessons left and right,

329. and we're still not changing back. Really? Huh.

330. well, guys, maybe we didn't keep our brains after all,

331. like the scarecrow in the wiz.

332. I grabbed Dee's vcr, 'cause I'm thinking

333. maybe if we get this thing fixed, we can get shocked again

334. while watching the wiz, and that'll send us back.

335. Oh, my god! Charlie! I can't believe I didn't think of this.

336. Do you guys remember that electronics store

337. on market street? The wiz?

338. It's called the wiz! Yes!

339. Maybe we got to bring the vcr there.

340. Guys, I think we really are in the wiz.

341. You called it, man, yeah. I don't know, I don't know.

342. We can't be sure, but, uh...

343. At this point it does feel like the path of least resistance.

344. It's the only thing we haven't tried.

345. Yeah, right?

346. oh, shit, there it is! The wiz!

347. We can't do that dance anymore.

348. That was exhausting. It's closed!

349. Hey, open up! We need your help! Open the door!

350. Back up. Here he comes. Ah.

351. What do you want? We're closed.

352. We're to see the wiz. Yeah, we really got to talk to him.

353. There's no wiz. It's just the name of the damn store.

354. Oh, yeah? Oh. Well, all right, man,

355. well, can you just fix this vcr for us, please? Yeah.

356. Go away. Come back when we're open.

357. Wait-wait-wait. Just-just hear us out.

358. Oh. Oh. Oh, I see.

359. Yes! I see it now.

360. Let me fix your vcr.

361. Yeah! Oh, great!

362. Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

363. That's a nice white man.

364. And the song helped.

365. Yeah, it worked. 911?

366. I'd like to report a disturbance.

367. He's definitely calling the cops.

368. That racist bastard! Hey, you know what happened,

369. is we intimidated him 'cause we're black.

370. Oh, my god. No. You know why he's calling the cops?

371. He's calling the cops 'cause he thinks we're insane people.

372. We were singing and talking about switching bodies and shit.

373. What are the rules?

374. Whoa-whoa-whoa. Ugh, I'm sick of that one.

375. I don't want to have to sing that song again.

376. All right? That being said, it is difficult to decipher

377. when exactly we're being discriminated against. Yeah.

378. Well, look, look, look.

379. that's definitely true. They're not.

380. You're right.

381. Right. That's right.

382. Shit.

383. he's got a gun!

384. Oh, god! They shot Charlie!

385. Freeze! Get on the ground!

386. all Go home! Go home! Go home!

387. Wake up! Hey, go home! Go home.

388. Go home! Wake up!

389. Go home. It's morning. You know the routine.

390. Go home. Or wherever the hell it is you go during the day.

391. I had the craziest dream.

392. You were there. You were there. You all were singing.

393. All right, well, that's great. We don't give a shit,

394. 'cause we don't like hearing about people's dreams.

395. Yeah, let's go, chop-chop. Come on.

396. Does this mean you didn't learn your lesson?

397. What in the hell is he talking about?

398. Learn a lesson from your dream?

399. How would that work?

400. Yeah, the only thing we learned is

401. that you have terrible taste in movies.

402. Yeah. Let's go. Come on. We'll see you later tonight.

403. Yeah. We'll see you, pal.

404. Hit the road. Do your day thing. Do your day thing.

405. He wants me to learn a lesson from his dream.

406. oh, boy.

407. What are the rules?

408. Captioned by media access group at wgbh

409. look, as we all know, everything is about emotion with women.

410. Right, Dee? What?

411. Oh, my god! Whoa! Whoa.

412. All right, Dee. Relax.

413. We're trying to have a rational conversation.

414. Sunny. All new.

415. Wednesdays at 10:00. Only on fxx.

416. Man seeking woman.

417. All new, wednesdays at 10:30.

418. Only on fxx.

419. I am a very dangerous man

420. to know.

421. Chip? Do you know where the remote is?

422. - Let me look for it. - No, that's my foot massage thing.

423. - What's this? - Oh, that's mine.

424. - Here it is. I got it. - Got it?

425. - Yeah. - Oh, this is the garage door opener, isn't it?

426. - Where's my hand?

427. - Chimes.

428. Stop. Mom!

429. I can't— oh, something is underneath me. Mom, I'm underneath you!

430. Baskets. All new Thursdays at 10:00.

431. Starts January 19 on fx.

432. So, is he crazy?

433. Man #2: He believes he's mentally ill.

434. But at the same time, part of him knows...

435. The power's real.