1. No.Copy !req
2. Man seeking woman.
All new, wednesdays at 10:30.Copy !req
3. On fxx.Copy !req
4. Fxx presents it's always
sunny in Philadelphia.Copy !req
5. Charlie,
can I come in already?Copy !req
6. Well, that depends, frank.Copy !req
7. Are you done farting?
No.Copy !req
8. Well, then you're gonna keep
hanging your ass out the windowCopy !req
9. till you're done, all right?Copy !req
10. Look, i-i warned you.Copy !req
11. You want to put slices of
rum ham on a grilled Charlie?Copy !req
12. That's a stomach bomb.Copy !req
13. It's too much for your system.Copy !req
14. Then make me another one.Copy !req
15. If I'm gonna stick my ass out
the window, I'm gonna eat.Copy !req
16. Unbelievable.
All right, here we go.Copy !req
17. I feel like it's gonna be a weekCopy !req
18. before your system
gets back to normal.Copy !req
19. Y-you can't just
eat whatever you...Copy !req
20. Charlie...!Copy !req
21. Holy shit!Copy !req
22. Are you okay?Copy !req
23. Frank?Copy !req
24. Hey, are you all right?Copy !req
25. Hey! Are you okay?Copy !req
26. Are you all right, man?Copy !req
27. Frank!Copy !req
28. Where are you going?Copy !req
29. But I'm the one thatCopy !req
30. came up with the chickens
to contaminate the steaks.Copy !req
31. I was the first one
to say that, right?Copy !req
32. I-i don't think so, no.Copy !req
33. I don't think so.
You t... are
you serious?Copy !req
34. No, I remember being
on the phone and...
Yeah, being totally serious.Copy !req
35. Dennis, Deandra!Copy !req
36. Yeah.
Uh...
What?Copy !req
37. No, i-i...
I-i feel like
i came up with it.Copy !req
38. It's me!Copy !req
39. What, do you want
a goddamn medal?Copy !req
40. Yeah, get out of here, frank.Copy !req
41. We're right in the middle
of something very important.Copy !req
42. I was on the phone;
I came up with it.Copy !req
43. What are you talking about?
That never happened...Copy !req
44. Your mother's dead.Copy !req
45. I thought I was the one that...
Yeah, we know she's dead.Copy !req
46. I think I was the one
that told you to make that call.Copy !req
47. I-i was just kidding.Copy !req
48. Uh, your mother's
not really dead.Copy !req
49. Uh, I dropped that bomb
to soften the blow.Copy !req
50. We're getting divorced.Copy !req
51. Wh-what's happening?Copy !req
52. Are you doing a bit, frank?Copy !req
53. You're not a funny guy.
It's not funny.Copy !req
54. Don't do bits.
They never play.Copy !req
55. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
56. Oh, shit, man, are you okay?Copy !req
57. And who might you be?Copy !req
58. Wh-what?Copy !req
59. Uh-oh,
he's finally lost it.Copy !req
60. Should we toss him in a home?Copy !req
61. Yep.
I-I'll get the car.Copy !req
62. N-n-no, guys, guys.Copy !req
63. Frank fell out my window.Copy !req
64. We had our, like,
fire escape taken off,Copy !req
65. and, dude, you, like, must
have hit your head real hard.Copy !req
66. Look, you seem
like a really nice kid,Copy !req
67. but my head is fine.Copy !req
68. Oh, my god!
Oh, shit!Copy !req
69. Oh, my god.
That's horrific!Copy !req
70. Oh, I see skull!Copy !req
71. Uh, okay, frank.Copy !req
72. Um, what day is it?
Wednesday.Copy !req
73. Yes.
Wrong, it's Tuesday.Copy !req
74. Is it?
Actually, no,
it's-it's Wednesday.Copy !req
75. Yeah, he's right.
Did I lose a day?Copy !req
76. Yeah.
Okay, you know
what? I got one.Copy !req
77. Um, what is the capital
of Pennsylvania?
Philadelphia.Copy !req
78. Yes. No.
I don't think
that's right.Copy !req
79. Uh, is it Pittsburgh?Copy !req
80. Uh, at one point, it was Philly.Copy !req
81. I'm pretty sure.
I don't think
they change it, Charlie.Copy !req
82. All right, let's just,
let's ask something easier.Copy !req
83. Who's the president
of the United States?Copy !req
84. George Bush.Copy !req
85. Nah, I was just kidding.Copy !req
86. The real President of the
United States is dick Cheney.Copy !req
87. He's pulling all the strings.Copy !req
88. Ah, shit, frank,
what year do you think it is?Copy !req
89. 2006.Copy !req
90. Oh, man.
Whoa.
Well, okay,Copy !req
91. so something clearly
happened to frankCopy !req
92. when he fell out of that window.Copy !req
93. I think what happened is
he went through the window,Copy !req
94. and the window seemed to be some
sort of portal to the year 2006.Copy !req
95. He has a concussion.Copy !req
96. It's not 2006.Copy !req
97. It's crazy, but stranger
things have happened.Copy !req
98. No, they haven't.
No, they haven't.
A-a-all right.Copy !req
99. Guys, guys, guys.Copy !req
100. You remember ten years ago
when frank first came back,Copy !req
101. and he wanted to, like, give
all his money away to charityCopy !req
102. and reconnect
with his kids and shit?Copy !req
103. Right, then he started hanging
out with Mac and Charlie,Copy !req
104. got a taste of the bar lifestyleCopy !req
105. and decided he'd rather
live in squalor.Copy !req
106. Guys, we have an opportunity
to change history.Copy !req
107. Are you talking about taking all
his money and kicking him out?Copy !req
108. Of course that's what
I'm talking about.Copy !req
109. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to do that.Copy !req
110. I-i want to do that.
I'm in. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
111. We got to come up
with a plan here.Copy !req
112. What if Charlie and I take frankCopy !req
113. to the strip club, like before,
so he keeps thinking it's 2006?Copy !req
114. We can't repeat the same
mistakes of the past.Copy !req
115. 'Cause that might
trigger his memories.Copy !req
116. In fact, keep Charlie
away from frank.Copy !req
117. I mean, he's drawn to himCopy !req
118. for some inexplicable reason.Copy !req
119. Dee, here's what we'll do.Copy !req
120. You and I will
actually reconnectCopy !req
121. with frank this time
instead of rejecting him.Copy !req
122. Okay, we just got to figure out
a way to get himCopy !req
123. to write us
a check for that money.Copy !req
124. You know what we could do isCopy !req
125. we could do, like,
a wyclef Jean thingCopy !req
126. and create a charity for HaitiCopy !req
127. and then allegedly keep
all the money for ourselves.Copy !req
128. By the time he figures out
what the hell's going on...Copy !req
129. you don't know the song.
You don't know the song.Copy !req
130. I didn't know the song.
There was a good bounce to it.Copy !req
131. All right, well, either
way, let's do that.Copy !req
132. Guigino's.Copy !req
133. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
134. This is a nice place.Copy !req
135. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.Copy !req
136. Fresh fish daily.Copy !req
137. How do you not have fish?Copy !req
138. Two can play at that game.Copy !req
139. Banging your sister
is perverted.Copy !req
140. We ever been here before?Copy !req
141. No.Copy !req
142. No, no...Copy !req
143. So, so, so...Copy !req
144. Catch me up.Copy !req
145. How's life?Copy !req
146. Uh, life's good, man.Copy !req
147. Things have been,
uh, pretty good.Copy !req
148. I'm still working towards
becoming a veterinarian.Copy !req
149. Of course.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
150. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
151. And I'm still working
toward my dreamsCopy !req
152. of becoming a Broadway star.Copy !req
153. Getting close, but just haven't
quite found my traction.Copy !req
154. Right.
That's okay.Copy !req
155. You got time.
Yeah.Copy !req
156. Youse are young.Copy !req
157. You're what, 25, 26?Copy !req
158. Yeah.Copy !req
159. Eh, give it a few more years.Copy !req
160. I mean, y-you don't want to be
almost 40 working at a bar.Copy !req
161. Right.
Nope.Copy !req
162. No way.Copy !req
163. I know that I've
been a lousy dad,Copy !req
164. but there's only one
person to blame for that:Copy !req
165. Your whore mother.Copy !req
166. Mm.
I don't like who
she turned me into.Copy !req
167. The big house, the big car.Copy !req
168. I'm giving it all away.Copy !req
169. To charity.Copy !req
170. Well, that is a great idea.Copy !req
171. I thought you'd give me
a lot of shit for that.Copy !req
172. Oh, no.
Man, who do you
think we are?Copy !req
173. Oh, my gosh.
No, we are super
into helping people in needCopy !req
174. and poor people and...
Yeah. Y-y-yeah, y-yeah.Copy !req
175. Dennis and I, we
work very closelyCopy !req
176. with a charity that,
uh, that offers reliefCopy !req
177. for the Haiti disaster.Copy !req
178. There was a disaster in Haiti?Copy !req
179. Oh, oh, had
that not, that had not...Copy !req
180. To d... was it...?Copy !req
181. Yeah, i-i just got to look a
quick thing up on my phone if...Copy !req
182. Um, s... dad, uh...Copy !req
183. Whoa, wh-wh-wh-wh-whoa.Copy !req
184. What's that?Copy !req
185. What is that?
My phone?Copy !req
186. That's a phone?Copy !req
187. I've never seen anything
like it in my life.Copy !req
188. That's because...
I invented it.Copy !req
189. You invented that?Copy !req
190. Yep.Copy !req
191. That is genius!Copy !req
192. Isn't it?Copy !req
193. Dennis, I always thought you'd
be the one to move out in front.Copy !req
194. No, it was her,
but it was her after me,Copy !req
195. because, um, she actually
came up with thatCopy !req
196. after I had already
invented this.Copy !req
197. You invented that?Copy !req
198. Yeah, I invented this first,
and then she copied me.Copy !req
199. Well, you know what
i did? I upgraded it.Copy !req
200. I made it better.
Oh.Copy !req
201. And I was worried
that you were gonnaCopy !req
202. spend the rest of your
lives in that crap bar.Copy !req
203. No, we're killing it.Copy !req
204. Well, here's to your futures.Copy !req
205. Hey, all right.Copy !req
206. Oh, Dee, you bitch.Copy !req
207. This is great, Charlie.Copy !req
208. I am going to show you what life
could be like without frank.Copy !req
209. Yeah. Except the first time
we came here with frank,Copy !req
210. we brought home two
strippers, so...Copy !req
211. Yeah, but he banged
both of them.Copy !req
212. Uh, true, yeah.Copy !req
213. This time,
you and I are gonna beCopy !req
214. the ones that bang
the strippers.Copy !req
215. Right. Well, why do
you want to bang them?Copy !req
216. Oh.Copy !req
217. 'Cause it's 2006, and
you're still into women.Copy !req
218. Crazy.Copy !req
219. Huh?
You're not...Copy !req
220. You haven't become...
Just drop it,
just drop it, just drop it.Copy !req
221. Yeah, i-I'll drop it.
Hey!Copy !req
222. Frankie, what's up, man?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
223. I thought you were out
with your kids.Copy !req
224. You mind if I sit down?
Yeah, absolutely not.Copy !req
225. Pop a squat, Frankie!
All right!Copy !req
226. Goddamn it, i-i...Copy !req
227. Oh, my god.Copy !req
228. You poor baby.Copy !req
229. What happened to your head?Copy !req
230. Ooh.Copy !req
231. Eh, it's nothing...
Just a little scratch.Copy !req
232. No, it looks infected.Copy !req
233. It does?Copy !req
234. Maybe give you a lap dance?Copy !req
235. Whoa.Copy !req
236. Make yourself at home!
Welcome to mi casa.Copy !req
237. You got any booze?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... in
the bed, under the pillow.Copy !req
238. Oh, oh.
Oh, gosh.Copy !req
239. I love it;
It's so spacious.Copy !req
240. It's one goddamn room.Copy !req
241. You have a steak knife
in your bed.Copy !req
242. Oh, well, that's frank's, uh...Copy !req
243. Um, that is my toe knife.Copy !req
244. It's your what?Copy !req
245. Uh, that's my
t-toe knife.Copy !req
246. For, you know, digging
the scum out of my toes...Copy !req
247. It's disgusting, disgusting.
And cutting my nails off.Copy !req
248. Y-you cut your toenails
with a knife?Copy !req
249. Yeah. Well, yeah.
He does.Copy !req
250. I mean, it's, uh...
Gross.Copy !req
251. A cleaner cut, really.Copy !req
252. Scum out of my toenail.Copy !req
253. Oh, botched toe!Copy !req
254. Frank, that is disgusting!Copy !req
255. Frank
Toe knife.Copy !req
256. Maybe I ought to try that.Copy !req
257. I don't think you should.
Can I talk to you outsideCopy !req
258. for a second?
Just one second. Thank you.
All right, all right.Copy !req
259. Man.
Dude, we have to stop
what's going on in there.Copy !req
260. Why? We're about to bang
a couple strippers.Copy !req
261. Don't you see?
We're making the same mistakesCopy !req
262. that we made
with frank years ago.Copy !req
263. Don't you understand?Copy !req
264. He is on a bang path
straight to the waitress.Copy !req
265. Oh, shit. All right,
definitely want to avoid that.Copy !req
266. All right, let's pull him.Copy !req
267. Okay, yeah.
Let's pull him out.Copy !req
268. He locked us out.Copy !req
269. He did?
Yes.Copy !req
270. So it is 2006.Copy !req
271. you know what,
say what you want about wyclef;Copy !req
272. he may have stolen money
from his own people,Copy !req
273. but that man can write
a goddamn song.
Oh, nice.Copy !req
274. Right?
He's an excellent
songwriter.Copy !req
275. And that is an excellent song.Copy !req
276. Mm-hmm.
But, Dee, Dee, look.Copy !req
277. I want to talk to you
about something, okay?Copy !req
278. We have a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity here.
Yes.Copy !req
279. We have a real
second chance.
I know.Copy !req
280. S-so I want to talk to
you about our future.
Yes.Copy !req
281. Can we get into it?
Yes.Copy !req
282. All right, here, sit
down for a second.
Okay.Copy !req
283. 'Cause in order to do that,Copy !req
284. I think we're gonna
have to get real.
Okay.Copy !req
285. And I want to get very
real with you right now.Copy !req
286. Yeah, go ahead.
Can I do that? Because I feel
like I'm almost coddling you.Copy !req
287. Interesting.
But that's neither
here nor there.Copy !req
288. I just want to get real with
you f-for a second, okay?
Yeah, go ahead.Copy !req
289. So the acting thing.Copy !req
290. Mm-hmm.
It's done.Copy !req
291. But it's been done
for a long time.Copy !req
292. I mean, you were
too old in 2006.Copy !req
293. You're way too old now.Copy !req
294. And you're bad at it.Copy !req
295. Thank you.Copy !req
296. For your honesty.
Yeah, is it...
Are you cool?Copy !req
297. Oh, so much do I appreciate
you for that.
Thank you.Copy !req
298. Okay, good.
That must have
been hard for you.Copy !req
299. It was.
To say.Copy !req
300. Can I be honest with you?
I-i need you to.Copy !req
301. Right?
Right.Copy !req
302. Okay, so the
veterinarian thing.
Yeah.Copy !req
303. I feel like the only reason
you wanted to be a vetCopy !req
304. was to keep the skins.Copy !req
305. What?Copy !req
306. You want to keep
the skins, don't you?Copy !req
307. There's no denying the
skins are fascinating.Copy !req
308. It's the most fascinating
part of the animal.Copy !req
309. The skin of any animal is
the most fascinating part,Copy !req
310. but that's not why
i wanted to become...Copy !req
311. Also you're going bald.
I'm going bald?Copy !req
312. Where in the hell am i
possibly going bald?
In the back of your head...Copy !req
313. There's no evidence of that.
There's quite a bit of ev...Copy !req
314. I'll get two mirrors;
I'll show it to you.Copy !req
315. Don't get mirrors, because...
You're not gonna find anything.Copy !req
316. I see fat spilling
over the back of your pantsCopy !req
317. on a pretty regular basis.Copy !req
318. What the hell are
you talking about?Copy !req
319. I'm just trying to let you know.Copy !req
320. And by the way,
there's no reasonCopy !req
321. why a bald man who enjoys skinsCopy !req
322. who has a little bit of
extra something-somethingCopy !req
323. around his belly can't be
a goddamn veterinarian!Copy !req
324. Okay, you know what, I can act!
You are a wrinkled bitch!Copy !req
325. I'm gonna tell you something,
my characters are good.Copy !req
326. Okay, let's stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop, stop.Copy !req
327. I-i don't want to do
this with you, okay?Copy !req
328. Do you see what's
happening? We're...Copy !req
329. We just jumped right back in;
We just leapt right back in.Copy !req
330. Into our old routines.
Same old place.Copy !req
331. And i-i don't want
to do that, okay?Copy !req
332. 'Cause... let's
just focus here.Copy !req
333. Here's what we're gonna do.Copy !req
334. We're gonna Polish
off this wine.
Yeah.Copy !req
335. And then we're gonna open
up a new bottle of vino.Copy !req
336. Ooh.Copy !req
337. And let's talk about
our real futures.Copy !req
338. to new beginnings.Copy !req
339. Dennis.Copy !req
340. Dennis, wake up.Copy !req
341. Aah.Copy !req
342. I'm up, I'm up, I'm up.Copy !req
343. Look what we did.Copy !req
344. Is that a crack pipe?Copy !req
345. Yes.Copy !req
346. No, no.
No.Copy !req
347. No, no, no.Copy !req
348. How'd this happen again?Copy !req
349. Well, it looks like we drank
everything in the entire world,Copy !req
350. and then we went out
and bought some crack,Copy !req
351. and we smoked it.Copy !req
352. Yeah, a-a-all right,
that's fine.Copy !req
353. No, n-no, we just,
we... we slipped up.Copy !req
354. It's-it's not a big deal.Copy !req
355. Like, we'll... you know,Copy !req
356. we'll... pull
ourselves together,Copy !req
357. and we'll, you know,
we'll get back on crack.Copy !req
358. I mean, on track.Copy !req
359. Unless, um, you have more crack.Copy !req
360. No, Dennis, I don't
have more crack.Copy !req
361. No one in the history of crackCopy !req
362. has ever woken up in the
morning with more crack.Copy !req
363. Okay, but if
I'm being honest with you,Copy !req
364. if I'm being very, very real,Copy !req
365. I need to be high
on crack cocaine right now.Copy !req
366. You know what we can do?
I've got a great idea.Copy !req
367. Once we get frank's money,Copy !req
368. we'll just take
all of that moneyCopy !req
369. and put ourselves in rehab,Copy !req
370. 'cause we're not gonna
stop smoking crack.Copy !req
371. It's all I'm thinking about.Copy !req
372. All right, so we just
got to figure outCopy !req
373. another way to get some money.Copy !req
374. I have a idea.Copy !req
375. Hi.Copy !req
376. I'm a recovering crackhead,Copy !req
377. and this is my donkey-brained
sister that I take care of.Copy !req
378. I'd like some welfare, please.Copy !req
379. You're a recovering
crack addict,Copy !req
380. and your sister has...Copy !req
381. The brains of a donkey?Copy !req
382. Mmm.Copy !req
383. We thought that you might
be a little bit skeptical,Copy !req
384. so we brought proof.Copy !req
385. Dee?Copy !req
386. Well, you clearly replaced the
name frank with the name Dee,Copy !req
387. and you crossed out the word
"not" on this document.Copy !req
388. Nevertheless, I do not know
what the hell this document is.Copy !req
389. Well, that's... that's an
official state's, uh...Copy !req
390. I'm gonna go ahead and stop you.Copy !req
391. None of this matters to me.Copy !req
392. So I don't need
the whole song and dance.Copy !req
393. If you want welfare...Copy !req
394. You'll just have to fill out
a bunch of this paperwork,Copy !req
395. 'cause I'm done
with this bullshit.Copy !req
396. This is good news.Copy !req
397. This is great, isn't it?
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
398. I mean, times have
really changed.
They have, I know.Copy !req
399. You just fill out
the paperwork now.Copy !req
400. You don't have to prove
anything, you know what I mean?Copy !req
401. You just get the money now.
Obama just gives you
the money; It's great.Copy !req
402. There's a lot of paperwork
to fill out, though.
Yeah, could you write faster?Copy !req
403. I need some more crack.Copy !req
404. I'm starting
to come down pretty hard.Copy !req
405. Okay, listen, Dee,Copy !req
406. I'm writing as fast
as I can, okay?Copy !req
407. I-i also want crack.
Sorry.Copy !req
408. I just don't get why we're
coming here to find a roommate.Copy !req
409. You know, what about living
with the waitress, too?Copy !req
410. The waitress is not going
to live with you.Copy !req
411. This is our only option, okay?Copy !req
412. People in the welfare store
are in a pinch, so are you.Copy !req
413. Yeah, that's a good point.Copy !req
414. Uh...Copy !req
415. Wait.Copy !req
416. Is that Dennis and Dee?Copy !req
417. Hi.Copy !req
418. Hey, guys.Copy !req
419. Wh-what are you
doing here?Copy !req
420. Yeah, did you get frank
to write the check?Copy !req
421. Dude, we're well on our way.Copy !req
422. Yeah, but in the meantime,Copy !req
423. we came here because we need
some money to buy crack.Copy !req
424. You guys
are smoking crack again?Copy !req
425. It's not a big deal,
because, uh,Copy !req
426. as soon as we get
that check from frank,Copy !req
427. we're just gonna zip right off
to a-a rehab program.Copy !req
428. Yeah, we'll get in rehab.Copy !req
429. You guys are back on crack,Copy !req
430. frank brought strippers
back to my place,Copy !req
431. we're all bumping into each
other at the welfare store,Copy !req
432. and yet I'm the only person
who thinks it's 2006.Copy !req
433. Oh...
What?Copy !req
434. It's him!
It's him, everyone. Shut up.Copy !req
435. Oh, it's frank. Shut up!
Okay? Shh.Copy !req
436. Hey, frank. Daddy.Copy !req
437. Daddy!
Yeah.
Hi, how are you?Copy !req
438. What's up?Copy !req
439. No shit. No shit!Copy !req
440. Yes, we will be there
in just a few minutes.Copy !req
441. Okay, bye!
What is it, what do you...Copy !req
442. Oh, shit, great news, guys.Copy !req
443. Great news.
No problem with the check.Copy !req
444. We just gotta meet
with his money manCopy !req
445. and he's just gonna
write it to us.Copy !req
446. Big fat check for us.
Oh, my god, yes.Copy !req
447. We're going to see money man.
Get rid of that!Copy !req
448. All right.
Let's go get some crack!Copy !req
449. Yeah.
I mean the check.
We're gonna...Copy !req
450. Right, yeah.
Get some crack.Copy !req
451. Still need a roommate, right?Copy !req
452. Yeah, what about this guy?Copy !req
453. Oh, come on, man.Copy !req
454. Don't just do that, you know?Copy !req
455. Knew you were gonna do that.
Anyone else. Look at him.Copy !req
456. Mr. Reynolds. Lauren kerwin.
We spoke earlier.Copy !req
457. Hello, toots.Copy !req
458. Hello.Copy !req
459. Yeah, so where's
jer-bear?Copy !req
460. Mr. doran?Copy !req
461. Oh, um...Copy !req
462. He-he passed away.Copy !req
463. He passed...Copy !req
464. Jerry!Copy !req
465. Jerry, come on in here.
Don't give me that.Copy !req
466. Make your secretary
pull that bit on us.Copy !req
467. Come on, Jerry.Copy !req
468. Um, I'm not his secretary
and he's been dead for years.Copy !req
469. Really. So...Copy !req
470. Uh... well, anyway,Copy !req
471. my kids turned me on
to an idea last night.Copy !req
472. Yeah.
All right, look, tell 'em
about your invention.Copy !req
473. Well, the charity that...
Huh?Copy !req
474. Not the... not the charity.
The phone.Copy !req
475. The phone.
They're being modest.Copy !req
476. Tell her, show her
about the phone.Copy !req
477. Show the broad the phone.Copy !req
478. You goddamn bitch!Copy !req
479. You wouldn't know a good idea
if it smacked you in a tit!Copy !req
480. She's gonna be gone by 2007,
you mark my words!Copy !req
481. She's a stupid...Copy !req
482. Stupid idiot.
Yes, she's a dumb...Copy !req
483. Dumb bitch.
A stupid moron.Copy !req
484. So, those people in Haiti.Copy !req
485. Now we can help them
with the mon... your money.Copy !req
486. No, no... Haiti?
Haiti's a lost cause.Copy !req
487. You might as well sink
that goddamn island.Copy !req
488. What are you talking about?
No, not a lost cause.Copy !req
489. No, you said you wanted
to help poor people.Copy !req
490. I am gonna help the poor people.Copy !req
491. I'm gonna help you,
because you are my childrenCopy !req
492. and I gotta think
of your future.Copy !req
493. W-what?Copy !req
494. This is for you.Copy !req
495. There you go.Copy !req
496. Oh!Copy !req
497. Oh, that's a lot of zeroes!
Oh, Dee...Copy !req
498. Yeah, that's a lot of zeroes.Copy !req
499. Yeah. We will.
Oh, daddy, we're gonna doCopy !req
500. such good things
with this money.
Yes.Copy !req
501. We're gonna help people,
we're gonna invent.Copy !req
502. Let's do it now, though.
Let's move.Copy !req
503. Yeah, we'll go deposit it.
Invent, invent,
invent, invent, right.Copy !req
504. Okay, very good decision.
Thank you!Copy !req
505. Do it right away,
do it right away.Copy !req
506. You're a great dad.Copy !req
507. Oh, daddy!
You're a great dad.Copy !req
508. You're right.Copy !req
509. You are crackheads, children.Copy !req
510. I want to thank you,
gentlemen, for your interestCopy !req
511. in the roommate position.Copy !req
512. You're both
excellent candidates.Copy !req
513. We have EdgarCopy !req
514. and Trevor,Copy !req
515. who is an aspiring
jazz musician.Copy !req
516. That's interesting,Copy !req
517. because Charlie is actually
a musician himself.Copy !req
518. Mm, don't really care
for jazz, though.Copy !req
519. A lot of unnecessary notes.Copy !req
520. Hey!Copy !req
521. Got room for one more?Copy !req
522. Frank, what are you doing here?Copy !req
523. Charlie, the other nightCopy !req
524. was the greatest night
of my life.Copy !req
525. I used to live like that,
in filth and squalor.Copy !req
526. I want to do it again.Copy !req
527. Absolutely not.
We are not doing this again.Copy !req
528. You know what?
I'm gonna consider it.Copy !req
529. Gah...
Frank,
have a seat.Copy !req
530. Oh, Charlie.
Yeah, yeah,Copy !req
531. have a seat,
all right.
Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
532. All right, let's begin.Copy !req
533. Okay, uh, first topic
is cat food.Copy !req
534. You want to lead
with that?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
535. Cat food.
Yeah.Copy !req
536. Okay.
You find a can of cat
food in the apartment.Copy !req
537. What do you do with it?Copy !req
538. I don't do nothing with it.Copy !req
539. Don't touch my shit,Copy !req
540. I don't touch your shit.Copy !req
541. Great.
Okay.Copy !req
542. He-he doesn't
touch your shit...
Yeah.Copy !req
543. That was very clear.
And then you don't...Copy !req
544. So eloquent.
Very clear.
What are you writing?Copy !req
545. I filled in half
the can of cat food.Copy !req
546. It's sort of a
half-full answer.
Great.Copy !req
547. Trevor, your position
on the matter?Copy !req
548. I'd ask if the can is yours,Copy !req
549. and, uh, if so,Copy !req
550. would you like me
to feed the cat?Copy !req
551. Oh...
Oh, see,
now he assumesCopy !req
552. that you have a cat.
Right.Copy !req
553. Smart.
He doesn't have a cat.Copy !req
554. Yeah, so...
Oh.Copy !req
555. Yeah.Copy !req
556. Kind of a waste
to-to feed a catCopy !req
557. that's not mine.Copy !req
558. For me, it depends
on how hungry I was.Copy !req
559. Or sleepy.Copy !req
560. Oh, very interesting.Copy !req
561. Couple points for
frank right there.Copy !req
562. W-why?
Well, I don't understand.Copy !req
563. He gets points for...Copy !req
564. Yeah, eating it
and then...
Well, if I was hungryCopy !req
565. If I couldn't go to sleep...
You would...Copy !req
566. I would eat the cat food
and go to sleep.Copy !req
567. 'Cause it might
make you go to sleep!Copy !req
568. All right.
In what scenarioCopy !req
569. do you not eat the cat food?Copy !req
570. I would always eat the cat food.
Yeah, no.Copy !req
571. Exactly right.
See, now there's a manCopy !req
572. who's-who's thinking
on his feet.Copy !req
573. Trevor is
a great roommate.Copy !req
574. He's a nice guy;
He doesn't haveCopy !req
575. the experience, though.
Experience? In what?Copy !req
576. Well, all these good things.
Let's keep talking.Copy !req
577. Hey, I'm sorry,
am I... too late?
Oh.Copy !req
578. Wow, hi!Copy !req
579. What-what are you
doing here?Copy !req
580. I called her, actually.
I left her a messageCopy !req
581. 'cause I thought she might need
a place to live.Copy !req
582. The last couple of years
have been pretty rough on me,Copy !req
583. and now I'm living
in a women's shelter, so...Copy !req
584. Oh...
Yeah, I figured that.
'Cause she's the worst.Copy !req
585. Is the apartment
still available or not?Copy !req
586. Well, yeah, it's
definitely available.Copy !req
587. Great.
Yes!Copy !req
588. Oh, I've brokered a deal!Copy !req
589. Oh, no, come on, Charlie.Copy !req
590. I-I'm sorry, frank,
but, you know,Copy !req
591. I'm not gonna give
up an opportunityCopy !req
592. to have the waitress
as a roommate.Copy !req
593. A roommate?
N-n-n... no, no.Copy !req
594. No, no, you did not say that.
You did not sayCopy !req
595. he would still be living here.Copy !req
596. That's true,
i did not say that,Copy !req
597. because I didn't think
you would come if I did.Copy !req
598. Yeah, well, you're goddamn right
i wouldn't have come.Copy !req
599. I am not living with Charlie.
Are you kidding?Copy !req
600. I would rather live
on the streets.Copy !req
601. You'd rather live
on the streets?
Yeah.Copy !req
602. What? Ow!Copy !req
603. Ow, my god!
What are you doing?Copy !req
604. Put me down!
What the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
605. Charlie, what
are you doing?
Ow!Copy !req
606. I was gonna throw her
out the windowCopy !req
607. Back in time!
We could start over again!Copy !req
608. This is really good.Copy !req
609. This is ham soaked in rum.Copy !req
610. Rum ham, rum ham.Copy !req
611. And make me another.Copy !req
612. Rum ham!Copy !req
613. Who wants rum ham?Copy !req
614. Charlie...!Copy !req
615. You are such a psycho.
The window is a time portalCopy !req
616. to 2006.
What is he
talking about?Copy !req
617. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
618. What the hell's everybody doing
in my apartment?Copy !req
619. We having a gang bang?Copy !req
620. Oh, my god. Get...Copy !req
621. Get the hell out of my way.Copy !req
622. Welcome back, Frankie!Copy !req
623. Oh, the farts, man.Copy !req
624. That's good.
Oh. Oh, the fart.Copy !req
625. Yeah, sorry,Copy !req
626. I can't cash this check.Copy !req
627. Why? I mean,
i know the number's really,Copy !req
628. really big, but the check
is real. Are you sure you...Copy !req
629. Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's a real check.Copy !req
630. No, it's outdated.Copy !req
631. No, he just wrote it yesterday.Copy !req
632. No, it is clearly dated 2006.Copy !req
633. Goddamn it.
Son of a bitch.Copy !req
634. Brown.Copy !req
635. Captioned by
media access group at wgbhCopy !req
636. - wednesdays.Copy !req
637. Ew.
Bro.Copy !req
638. Oh, god!Copy !req
639. Do you hear that chirping sound?Copy !req
640. Aaah!Copy !req
641. What the hell am I looking at?Copy !req
642. Hello!Copy !req
643. Oh!Copy !req
644. - No!Copy !req
645. We're mainlining wine.
It's not beer.Copy !req
646. We can't mainline beer
because it's got
bubbles in it.Copy !req
647. We tried. It was bad.Copy !req
648. Oh!
Oh.Copy !req
649. Sunny.
All new,
wednesdays at 10:00.Copy !req
650. Only on fxx.Copy !req
651. Man seeking woman.
All new, wednesdays at 10:30.Copy !req
652. On fxx.Copy !req
653. It's a kitty cat.Copy !req
654. Woman
Archer.Copy !req
655. An all new season.
This spring on fx.Copy !req