1. We think it's a
sinkhole! It's awesome!Copy !req
2. It's really not
that awesome.Copy !req
3. It's blowing my mind!Copy !req
4. How is a hole in the ground
blowing your mind?Copy !req
5. Look, I was a little bit
skeptical at first, too, butCopy !req
6. we've been playing with thisCopy !req
7. thing for three hours now,
and it's fantastic.Copy !req
8. I'm sorry, can I ask how do
you play with a goddamn hole?Copy !req
9. First, we just started, like,Copy !req
10. throwing things down it and
then we never heard it land.Copy !req
11. It would just kind of rattle
around down there.Copy !req
12. Then we got a flashlight toCopy !req
13. see if we could see the bottom.Copy !req
14. We couldn't.Copy !req
15. Then I threw it down there, youCopy !req
16. know, to prove a point.Copy !req
17. What was the point?Copy !req
18. It was something to do withCopy !req
19. how metal travels faster thanCopy !req
20. light or...?Copy !req
21. No, it was that light isCopy !req
22. either on or off.Copy !req
23. There's no speed to light.Copy !req
24. It's, it was an anti-science
thing.Copy !req
25. This hole, it's veryCopy !req
26. exciting, Dennis.Copy !req
27. I mean, it represents infiniteCopy !req
28. possibilities. It's endless.Copy !req
29. What if there's, like, aCopy !req
30. mutant living down there?Copy !req
31. We can get him up and he canCopy !req
32. live in the bar with us.Copy !req
33. We've already got one mutantCopy !req
34. hanging out with us in the barCopy !req
35. all the time.Copy !req
36. Hey, Frank, did you hear what I
said?Copy !req
37. I turned a frustratingCopy !req
38. conversation into a joke on you.Copy !req
39. The, uh... thing.Copy !req
40. Huh? Oh, y-yeah.Copy !req
41. Frank, what do you thinkCopy !req
42. about this hole?Copy !req
43. Pretty cool, huh?Copy !req
44. You want to do somethingCopy !req
45. with it?Copy !req
46. No. I don't.Copy !req
47. In fact, something just dawnedCopy !req
48. on me.Copy !req
49. I need to quit.Copy !req
50. Wha-What? What are, what areCopy !req
51. you talking about?Copy !req
52. I don't care anything aboutCopy !req
53. this hole.Copy !req
54. I-I'm passionless.Copy !req
55. What are you saying, Frank?Copy !req
56. I hereby officially retireCopy !req
57. from Paddy's Pub.Copy !req
58. All right, now, with Frank
retiring, I know we're all aCopy !req
59. little bit concerned about how
that affects everyone's shares.Copy !req
60. Frank owned 51% of Paddy's PubCopy !req
61. and we own 46%.Copy !req
62. Well, we did, not-not Dee.Copy !req
63. She-she doesn't own shit.Copy !req
64. Yeah, I know. Goddamn it.
Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
65. And, Charlie, you actually gave
up most of your shares forCopy !req
66. various sandwiches and snacksCopy !req
67. and sundries and things.Copy !req
68. What the hell is a Franquito?Copy !req
69. It says Franquito owns threeCopy !req
70. percent of Paddy's Pub?Copy !req
71. Oh, yeah, I don't know.Copy !req
72. That's probably one of Frank'sCopy !req
73. weird shell corporations.Copy !req
74. It doesn't matter.Copy !req
75. Who gives a shit?
It's only three percent.Copy !req
76. Whoever gets Frank's 51% is the
majority shareholder.Copy !req
77. That is who controls the bar.Copy !req
78. That is who gets the throne.
Oh, there-there's a throne?Copy !req
79. Oh, sorry. No, I was just
referring to the desk chair asCopy !req
80. the throne 'cause that's where
the boss man sits.Copy !req
81. Ugh, gross. That chair smells
like Frank's butt.Copy !req
82. It's not actually
Frank's butt; I think it's aCopy !req
83. combination of all of our butt
smells, you know?Copy !req
84. That's worse.
Yeah.Copy !req
85. Why would anybody want
that chair?Copy !req
86. No, no, it's not about theCopy !req
87. chair itself.Copy !req
88. It's what the chair represents.Copy !req
89. The chair represents power.Copy !req
90. Okay, well, all right.Copy !req
91. How do we divvy up Frank'sCopy !req
92. shares then?Copy !req
93. Uh... Okay, well, um...Copy !req
94. I'll-I'll take them.Copy !req
95. You? You?Copy !req
96. You think we're gonna give theCopy !req
97. shares to the man who wants toCopy !req
98. pull a mutant from a mysteryCopy !req
99. hole in the bar and liveCopy !req
100. with him?Copy !req
101. All right, well, look, I'mCopy !req
102. just trying to come up with a
system.Copy !req
103. We got to have a system here...Copy !req
104. Wait, wait, wait, wait!Copy !req
105. We do have a system for this!Copy !req
106. Paddy's Succession Plan,
remember?Copy !req
107. Oh, shit! Right.Copy !req
108. Yes, right!Copy !req
109. Paddy's Succession Plan.Copy !req
110. It was like a will that we drewCopy !req
111. up to help us determine whoCopy !req
112. would get each one of our sharesCopy !req
113. in the very likely event ofCopy !req
114. our untimely deaths, that's
right.Copy !req
115. We drank, like, three bottlesCopy !req
116. of tequila and then we startedCopy !req
117. talking about our legacy and howCopy !req
118. important that was to us.Copy !req
119. Oh! Got to have a legacy.Copy !req
120. Oh, here we go.Copy !req
121. Oh, oh! Yeah, okay.Copy !req
122. On a paper plate, huh?Copy !req
123. Read it! Read it! Read it!Copy !req
124. Read it!Copy !req
125. "Paddy's succession plan.Copy !req
126. Paddy's Pub shall secure ourCopy !req
127. legacy here, henceforth andCopy !req
128. forevermore throughout theCopy !req
129. birthright of our firstborn kin.Copy !req
130. Who had the pen here?Copy !req
131. It makes sense.Copy !req
132. Don't be a bitch.Copy !req
133. What it means is every one ofCopy !req
134. our shares gets passed down toCopy !req
135. our firstborn.Copy !req
136. Right, right! Our firstborn!Copy !req
137. The shares get passed down toCopy !req
138. the firstborn kin?Copy !req
139. Yeah.Copy !req
140. We are the firstborn kin of
Frank.Copy !req
141. Well, now, hang on, that'sCopy !req
142. not, like, an official document.Copy !req
143. Uh, well, you signed it inCopy !req
144. your blood.Copy !req
145. Oh, that, yeah, there it is—Copy !req
146. "Trundle," written in blood.Copy !req
147. Oh, yeah, I was going byCopy !req
148. Trundle at the time, wasn't I?Copy !req
149. No, no, no. You were tryingCopy !req
150. to write "Charlie" and you wroteCopy !req
151. "Trundle."Copy !req
152. No, I was going by "TrundleCopy !req
153. the Great."Copy !req
154. You came up with that afterCopy !req
155. you miswrote it.Copy !req
156. Well, look, the point is youCopy !req
157. can't just take the bar based onCopy !req
158. a paper plate.Copy !req
159. Sorry, Charlie.Copy !req
160. I'm siding with Dennis and Dee.Copy !req
161. I'm your humble servant.Copy !req
162. You're just gonna give it to
them?Copy !req
163. That's a binding contract.Copy !req
164. Okay? You wrote it in blood.Copy !req
165. That's gonna hold up in a courtCopy !req
166. of law and I know when to pick a
side.Copy !req
167. I'm siding with Dennis and Dee.Copy !req
168. Wait, hold on a second.Copy !req
169. You guys aren't even actuallyCopy !req
170. Frank's kid.Copy !req
171. You're Bruce Mathis' kid, all
right?Copy !req
172. And I technically might beCopy !req
173. Frank's kid.Copy !req
174. Charlie, I pledge myCopy !req
175. allegiance to you.Copy !req
176. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
177. Wait a second, no.Copy !req
178. But Frank is a Reynolds and weCopy !req
179. are Reynolds.Copy !req
180. Yup, we're Reynolds.Copy !req
181. Yeah, and it's the name thatCopy !req
182. carries on the line, not maybeCopy !req
183. being someone's bastard kid.Copy !req
184. It was always you guys.Copy !req
185. I tricked him, I tricked him.Copy !req
186. It was always you.Copy !req
187. It is the blood that binds.Copy !req
188. And his blood is pumping throughCopy !req
189. my veins.Copy !req
190. And I shall prove it.Copy !req
191. This is a little bit harderCopy !req
192. because he might win 'cause he
has some good points.Copy !req
193. But you guys might win...Copy !req
194. We don't give a shit about
what you're talking about!Copy !req
195. It doesn't matter, it doesn't
matter.Copy !req
196. Hey-o! There's my guy!Copy !req
197. Hey, I got a piping hot GrilledCopy !req
198. Frank for you, okay?Copy !req
199. I got the sausage, the Spam, the
bacon.Copy !req
200. I got it wrapped in a jellyCopy !req
201. pancake and cooked with a stickCopy !req
202. of butter.Copy !req
203. I don't want that, Charlie.Copy !req
204. I'm trying to get in shape.Copy !req
205. I read all about this phenomenonCopy !req
206. that guys' bodies immediatelyCopy !req
207. turn to shit the second they
retire.Copy !req
208. Oh, yeah?
I got to work on it.Copy !req
209. All right, well, you know,Copy !req
210. just-just take a peek, see ifCopy !req
211. you like it.Copy !req
212. Uh, hey, listen, man, can I askCopy !req
213. you something?Copy !req
214. What?Copy !req
215. Are you, like, um... my dad?Copy !req
216. What?Copy !req
217. Are, like... are you the-the
father of me and shit?Copy !req
218. We've-we've been over this.
Yeah.Copy !req
219. Your mother's a giant whore.
Right.Copy !req
220. I don't want to stress about
this, Charlie.Copy !req
221. I'm retired. Leave me alone.
I want to watch a little TV.Copy !req
222. Yeah. All right.
Charlie, hey... Oh.Copy !req
223. Hey, can I talk to you for a
sec?Copy !req
224. Uh, yeah. Hey.Copy !req
225. Hey, um, I came up with aCopy !req
226. really great idea, dude.Copy !req
227. Yeah?Copy !req
228. I'm gonna play both sides.Copy !req
229. Why would you tell me that?Copy !req
230. Should I not have?
Probably shouldn't 'cause ifCopy !req
231. you're trying to keep a secret
from me, well, now I know.Copy !req
232. I should've... Should I tell
them?Copy !req
233. No, I don't think you shouldCopy !req
234. tell either side 'cause if youCopy !req
235. try to play both sides and theyCopy !req
236. both know, you're not playing
anybody.Copy !req
237. What should I do now?Copy !req
238. I don't... I don't give a
shit. Why are you here?Copy !req
239. I'm here to prove my
allegiance to you.Copy !req
240. Because I believe that you're
the rightful heir.Copy !req
241. Okay, whatever.
All right, well, I see... ICopy !req
242. see that you don't believe me.
Why would I?Copy !req
243. So I am prepared to take a
blood oath with you.Copy !req
244. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!Copy !req
245. Oh, my God, dude!
Oh, that was Frank's toe knife!Copy !req
246. Oh, it hurts so much.
All right, quick, shake on it.Copy !req
247. No, I'm not gonna touch your
blood.Copy !req
248. Do you have something ICopy !req
249. could... I got to close this
wound.Copy !req
250. Yeah, here, just plug it up.Copy !req
251. That was so not as cool
as I thought it was gonna be.Copy !req
252. That sock's probably gonna
get it more infected, though.Copy !req
253. All right, look, look, look,
look, dude.Copy !req
254. We got to prove that Frank is
your dad.Copy !req
255. Dude, he-he doesn't even wantCopy !req
256. to have that conversation with
me, okay?Copy !req
257. And he's certainly not gonna get
tested, you know?Copy !req
258. He's really resistant to the
whole thing.Copy !req
259. All right, well, thenCopy !req
260. we're gonna have to do some
testing of our own.Copy !req
261. Yeah?
I can choke a man out in fourCopy !req
262. seconds flat.
Oh, yeah?Copy !req
263. Yeah, I guess we could try that,
or, uh... >> All right.Copy !req
264. You know, I could probably
take his blood right now.Copy !req
265. He's out.Copy !req
266. He's staring right at us.Copy !req
267. Yeah, he's been fallingCopy !req
268. asleep with his eyes open likeCopy !req
269. that, but he's way out.Copy !req
270. I mean, we could prick him.Copy !req
271. He won't feel a thing. Frank!Copy !req
272. Anything?
Nothing!Copy !req
273. Not a single butt smell to that.Copy !req
274. How is that possible?
I don't know.Copy !req
275. It's either this guy's butt or
this brand of chair.Copy !req
276. It's got to be the brand,
right?Copy !req
277. All right, we got to get one
of these for our throne.Copy !req
278. Yeah. Yeah. Hey!
Hey!Copy !req
279. Hey, what do you say, Doc?
So, what is the verdict?Copy !req
280. Is Frank Charlie's dad or not?
I don't know.Copy !req
281. I don't know who that is.
What I do know is I came to workCopy !req
282. this morning to find a very
large bucket of blood in my lab.Copy !req
283. Yeah, well, that's theCopy !req
284. sample, obviously, and, uh, you
know, if it's too big, it'sCopy !req
285. because Frank sprung a little
bit of a leak there.Copy !req
286. Yeah, it was a mess, huh?Copy !req
287. He was bleeding like crazy.
There was blood everywhere,Copy !req
288. but we caught enough of it, I
think.Copy !req
289. Yeah, we must have cut a
deep vein or something.Copy !req
290. Wait a second.
Most of this came from one man?Copy !req
291. Did we take too much?Copy !req
292. I-I didn't think that we took
too much.Copy !req
293. Yes. You took too much.Copy !req
294. Also, there's traces of moreCopy !req
295. than four individuals in hereCopy !req
296. and at least one animal.Copy !req
297. Was there blood in the bucket
before?Copy !req
298. It is a blood bucket,Copy !req
299. so yeah, there was old blood.Copy !req
300. I didn't come here to getCopy !req
301. sassed, okay?Copy !req
302. I came here to get an answer toCopy !req
303. my question.Copy !req
304. So is Frank Charlie's dad or
not?Copy !req
305. The only thing that I can
tell you is that, based off ofCopy !req
306. how much blood is in thisCopy !req
307. bucket, your friend is inCopy !req
308. desperate need of blood.Copy !req
309. All right, Dee, the bar isCopy !req
310. finally ours.Copy !req
311. Let's talk redecoration.Copy !req
312. Well, I'm thinking chrome,Copy !req
313. and I'm thinking chrome
everywhere.Copy !req
314. The other thing that's importantCopy !req
315. to me is a proper dance floor.Copy !req
316. That way, any time I want toCopy !req
317. just pop a boogie, I can do itCopy !req
318. wherever I am, and it won't beCopy !req
319. weird, you know what I mean?Copy !req
320. Okay.Copy !req
321. Oh, think of it,
brother.Copy !req
322. With them out of the way,Copy !req
323. we can do as we please.Copy !req
324. Two butts, one throne.Copy !req
325. All right, you know what,
you've been doing this all day.Copy !req
326. Why are you talking like that?Copy !req
327. I'm just being... I'm being
arch.Copy !req
328. Why?
Well, because we're beingCopy !req
329. devious and we're plotting, and
I just wanted to make sure thatCopy !req
330. it was clear that we were
devious and plotting.Copy !req
331. You don't need to indicate to
me that you're being deviousCopy !req
332. when you're actually
being devious.Copy !req
333. I guess I had some concernsCopy !req
334. that you wouldn't pick up on it
if I didn't make it super clear.Copy !req
335. Yeah, but the problem is if
you start doing that,Copy !req
336. everybody's gonna pick up on it.Copy !req
337. And that defeats the purpose.
Yeah, got it.Copy !req
338. Dennis, Dee, quickly— weCopy !req
339. don't have much time.Copy !req
340. Charlie and I doctored aCopy !req
341. paternity test to make it lookCopy !req
342. like Frank is Charlie's dad.Copy !req
343. But the tests were actuallyCopy !req
344. inconclusive; there was too muchCopy !req
345. blood in the bucket to tell.Copy !req
346. The reason I'm telling you allCopy !req
347. this is because I'm playingCopy !req
348. both sides so that I always comeCopy !req
349. out on top.Copy !req
350. So, with this information, I'mCopy !req
351. gonna leverage you guys intoCopy !req
352. making me the head of securityCopy !req
353. at the new Paddy's Pub.Copy !req
354. Mm.Copy !req
355. O-Okay, okay, couple thingsCopy !req
356. right off the bat, there, pal.Copy !req
357. Number one, um, never tell oneCopy !req
358. side that you're playing both
sides.Copy !req
359. Yeah.Copy !req
360. And number two, if you are
gonna play both sides, don'tCopy !req
361. give away the information before
you get what you want.Copy !req
362. Oh, shit. Right, don't give
away the in-information.Copy !req
363. Yeah.
All right, well, if I amCopy !req
364. gonna play both sides, what
should I do?Copy !req
365. Oops.Copy !req
366. You're still telling us thatCopy !req
367. you're playing both sides, soCopy !req
368. why would we help you?Copy !req
369. Uh... Okay, well, what if ICopy !req
370. make a blood oath...Copy !req
371. uh, allegiance to you guys?Copy !req
372. Oh!
Ooh.Copy !req
373. Gross.Copy !req
374. Yeah, I, uh, I sliced it withCopy !req
375. Frank's toe knife and, uh, it'sCopy !req
376. not bleeding anymore, but maybe
I could...Copy !req
377. Oh, yeah, here, I'll just get it
again.Copy !req
378. Oh!Copy !req
379. Oh, shit!
Oh, God!Copy !req
380. Jesus, dude, that was the
lime knife.Copy !req
381. Oh, I feel that— it stings.
Oh, Dee, here, shake my hand.Copy !req
382. No, get away from me, gross.Copy !req
383. Aah. Dennis?
No, your blood is disgusting.Copy !req
384. Aah. What should I do?
Go to the doctor.Copy !req
385. Mac, why the hell'd you
sprint ahead of me, man?Copy !req
386. Oh, 'cause I'm playing both
sides.Copy !req
387. Jesus Christ.
Wow.Copy !req
388. It doesn't matter.
Okay, guys, I got someCopy !req
389. documentation here proving that
I am the rightful heir toCopy !req
390. Frank's butt chair.
Yeah.Copy !req
391. All right, Charlie, save it,
save it.Copy !req
392. Mac already told us that that'sCopy !req
393. not a real paternity test.Copy !req
394. What the hell, dude?
You swore a blood oath to me.Copy !req
395. Dude, you never touched myCopy !req
396. blood, okay?Copy !req
397. All right, you know what, ifCopy !req
398. you really want to work here...Copy !req
399. kick Charlie out of here.Copy !req
400. Hmm.Copy !req
401. Really?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
402. No problem, dude.Copy !req
403. Charlie, let's go, bud, get...Copy !req
404. All right, dude, I'm gonna carry
you out.Copy !req
405. Oh, shit.
Oh, my God, he is so heavy.Copy !req
406. He's, like, grounding himself
with something.Copy !req
407. Oh, now he's going limp.Copy !req
408. No, come on, dude, that's not
fair.Copy !req
409. Help me out, here, Charlie.
Help me out.Copy !req
410. That's it, dude, that's it.
I'm choking you out.Copy !req
411. Okay.Copy !req
412. You're going out, dude,Copy !req
413. you're going to sleep.Copy !req
414. Good night, dude, good night,
bitch.Copy !req
415. Your head of security justCopy !req
416. choked himself out.Copy !req
417. Hey, Frank, I know you'reCopy !req
418. trying to be healthy, so I gotCopy !req
419. you a hoagie with extra picklesCopy !req
420. in it— I figured you could useCopy !req
421. the veggies and stuff...Copy !req
422. Oh, shit!Copy !req
423. Hi, Charlie.Copy !req
424. What... What's going on with
you, man?Copy !req
425. I forgot to dye my hair this
morning.Copy !req
426. What's up with your teeth?Copy !req
427. I was eating some ofCopy !req
428. Deandra's pyramid scheme
berries.Copy !req
429. I was trying to get healthy.Copy !req
430. Right.Copy !req
431. I feel a little light-headed.Copy !req
432. All right, well, I'm sure
it's nothing, you know.Copy !req
433. Probably just, like, tired from
working hard and then...Copy !req
434. You know, the body crashes
when...Copy !req
435. O-Oh, shit, did you fall asleep
again?Copy !req
436. Frank?
Is he dead?Copy !req
437. Oh, shit.
He looks bad.Copy !req
438. What are you sneaking up on
me for?Copy !req
439. Oh, listen, Dennis is acting
weird and I don't like it.Copy !req
440. Now, I know he's got something
planned, but he's notCopy !req
441. indicating, so I don't know what
it is.Copy !req
442. Right.Copy !req
443. No, I get that, I guess, so,
yeah.Copy !req
444. Yes, yes, exactly,Copy !req
445. Charlie, so here's the plan: weCopy !req
446. need to outsmart him before heCopy !req
447. can have us murdered...Copy !req
448. Are you okay?
and throw us in... Hmm?Copy !req
449. Do you need a glass of water
or something?Copy !req
450. No, I'm good.Copy !req
451. What are... W-What's
happening?Copy !req
452. I'm... I'm being arch.
Oh. Oh.Copy !req
453. We're doing a thing together,
so you know...Copy !req
454. Yeah, no, I know, just 'cause
you're telling me what's up.Copy !req
455. Okay, okay, fine.
The point is we got to proveCopy !req
456. that you're the rightful heir
to the throne.Copy !req
457. Yes, of course, that's why ICopy !req
458. got this plastic bag, 'cause my
blood bucket was inconclusive.Copy !req
459. You just need a couple drops.Copy !req
460. Right, yeah.
So let's open him up.Copy !req
461. Yeah, all right, but you
know, we got to be careful, youCopy !req
462. know, 'cause I think I took too
much blood last time.Copy !req
463. Is that what's going on?
Yeah.Copy !req
464. Okay, well, you just need a
couple drops.Copy !req
465. Yeah, all right, just a
prick, just a little prick.Copy !req
466. Just a prick. Okay.Copy !req
467. Oh, my God, so much blood!
Oh, so much blood, I think weCopy !req
468. hit an artery, Dee, look at
this. >> Yeah.Copy !req
469. Oh, shit.
Is he okay?Copy !req
470. No, he's okay, you know, the
duct tape'll stop it.Copy !req
471. Okay, let's just get...
Wait, oh, shit, this is leaking.Copy !req
472. Oh, no.
Oh, shit, I'm holding it...Copy !req
473. Wait, wait, stop, stop!
Oh, damn it.Copy !req
474. Shoot, Charlie, I'm sorry,
I was trying to help.Copy !req
475. Can't imagine it was gonna be a
very good sample anyway— thereCopy !req
476. are quite a few pickles floating
around in that bag.Copy !req
477. Yeah, what I was thinking.
Shit.Copy !req
478. Wait a second— which one ofCopy !req
479. you and Dennis was firstborn?Copy !req
480. We're twins.
No, I know, I know, but,Copy !req
481. like, who did Barbara actually,Copy !req
482. like, pop out first?Copy !req
483. Oh, shit.Copy !req
484. Oh, Charlie.
"Worst is first!"Copy !req
485. What is that?
"Worst is first."Copy !req
486. My mom used to say that to meCopy !req
487. all the time because I was first
and she thought I was the worst.Copy !req
488. Holy shit, that's terrible,
but that's good for us.Copy !req
489. Yeah! Yeah!
Okay, so that means you'reCopy !req
490. the rightful heir to the butt
chair.Copy !req
491. So, all right, we can work with
that.Copy !req
492. All right, let's get out ofCopy !req
493. here, come on, we can't tell
anybody about this, all right?Copy !req
494. Okay, okay. >> Let's...
All right, let's just go.Copy !req
495. Always hated these.Copy !req
496. So that's gonna change.Copy !req
497. Worst is first, dude, worstCopy !req
498. is first.Copy !req
499. What are you talking about,
man?Copy !req
500. Dee is conspiring against
you.Copy !req
501. Charlie figured it out.Copy !req
502. "Worst is first."Copy !req
503. Charlie and Dee were gettingCopy !req
504. blood from Frank when CharlieCopy !req
505. realized Dee was born first.Copy !req
506. Therefore, she's the rightful
heir.Copy !req
507. Then I got a little bit more
blood from Frank, 'cause I feelCopy !req
508. like we're probably gonna use it
in the future and he was alreadyCopy !req
509. opened up, so who gives a shit?Copy !req
510. Okay, all right.Copy !req
511. How'd you get all this
information?Copy !req
512. I was hiding in Frank'sCopy !req
513. apartment, and then they wentCopy !req
514. out into the hallway and I heardCopy !req
515. them through the door.Copy !req
516. Dude, the best part is I'm gonnaCopy !req
517. use this information to leverageCopy !req
518. you into giving me a betterCopy !req
519. position under your reign.Copy !req
520. You just told me the infor...Copy !req
521. You know what?Copy !req
522. Forget it.
Good job.Copy !req
523. Um, how about the position of my
pawn, how's that sound?Copy !req
524. Pawn.
Yeah.Copy !req
525. Pawns are cool, there's a lot
of them, you know.Copy !req
526. They move diagonally.Copy !req
527. I've always thought that I move
a little bit too much forwardCopy !req
528. and back and I should be moreCopy !req
529. like... like...Copy !req
530. 'Cause then, you can't see meCopy !req
531. if I'm coming at you like this.Copy !req
532. Like, sideways.
Well, watch.Copy !req
533. Well, don't move your head,
dude.Copy !req
534. All right, what if you keep yourCopy !req
535. head there but close your
eyes...Copy !req
536. You know, it doesn't matter.Copy !req
537. I need you to do something for
me.Copy !req
538. Oh... oh, my God.Copy !req
539. That is crazy.Copy !req
540. It's the smell of a thousand
butts.Copy !req
541. Hey! Dennis!Copy !req
542. Dennis, I did your bidding.Copy !req
543. Good.Copy !req
544. Yeah.Copy !req
545. Frank is on his way.Copy !req
546. But dude, whatever it is you gotCopy !req
547. planned, you better do it fast,Copy !req
548. because if Dee and Charlie getCopy !req
549. that birth certificate, you're
screwed.Copy !req
550. Look, Mac, I told you, I've
got it under control.Copy !req
551. Everything is going according to
my plan.Copy !req
552. Right.Copy !req
553. Worst is first!
Worst is first!Copy !req
554. Oh, brother, looksCopy !req
555. as though you've underest...Copy !req
556. Stop doing that.
It doesn't work.Copy !req
557. No?
Look, we found the birthCopy !req
558. certificate proving Dee was born
first.Copy !req
559. Mm-hmm.
Worst is first.Copy !req
560. Worst is first, yeah, and
then Charlie and I, we made aCopy !req
561. blood oath, so now we're
in cahoots. >> Yeah!Copy !req
562. Hey, Trundle, can I get in on
that?Copy !req
563. Ugh!
I'm on their side.Copy !req
564. Nasty.
You idiots.Copy !req
565. Did you not think that I had
anticipated this?Copy !req
566. While you were running around
town like lunatics, choppingCopy !req
567. your hands to bits, I did aCopy !req
568. little bit of research.Copy !req
569. Turns out Franquito isn't aCopy !req
570. shell corporation after all.Copy !req
571. He's a person.Copy !req
572. Dee, you remember Josefina, ourCopy !req
573. maid from the early '80s?
Yeah.Copy !req
574. Well, it turns out Frank had
been banging her for years, andCopy !req
575. just before we were born, he
was.Copy !req
576. Franquito!Copy !req
577. Ven acá!Copy !req
578. Holy shit!Copy !req
579. Whoa!
What?Copy !req
580. Yeah, look upon him.
Yeah, he doesn't speak anyCopy !req
581. English, by the way, so don't
try talking to him.Copy !req
582. But we worked something out.Copy !req
583. Yeah, Frank's shares go to him,Copy !req
584. 'cause he's the firstborn... andCopy !req
585. then Franquito signs to me.Copy !req
586. It's game, set and match.Copy !req
587. Holy shit.Copy !req
588. What is happening right now?Copy !req
589. I'm not... I'm not feeling so
well.Copy !req
590. Retirement is difficult.Copy !req
591. Anyway... hey, Frank!Copy !req
592. Guess who this is.Copy !req
593. Haven't seen him in a while,Copy !req
594. have you?Copy !req
595. Come closer.Copy !req
596. It's your son.Copy !req
597. Franquito.Copy !req
598. Yes.Copy !req
599. Of course it is.Copy !req
600. Look how beautiful he is.Copy !req
601. Oh!Copy !req
602. My one true child.Copy !req
603. Come closer.Copy !req
604. Oh!Copy !req
605. You give me so much joy right
now.Copy !req
606. And, so, Frank, the bar shallCopy !req
607. go to him.Copy !req
608. Oh!Copy !req
609. Just need you to sign hereCopy !req
610. and here.Copy !req
611. When a man is no longerCopy !req
612. needed in the tribe, his bodyCopy !req
613. betrays him.Copy !req
614. Yeah.Copy !req
615. When he has no purpose, theCopy !req
616. blood seems to drain from hisCopy !req
617. body, leaving him a shell of theCopy !req
618. man he once was.Copy !req
619. All right, I don't know whereCopy !req
620. you're going with this, but canCopy !req
621. you just sign?Copy !req
622. I'm unretiring.Copy !req
623. Wh-What?Copy !req
624. I have a plan.Copy !req
625. I will retain all, and FranquitoCopy !req
626. will help me run the bar as myCopy !req
627. number two.Copy !req
628. Speaking of number two...Copy !req
629. Oh!Copy !req
630. Dude.Copy !req
631. Oh!Copy !req
632. Damn it! Come on.Copy !req
633. I just cleaned that.Copy !req
634. That's Frank's butt smell.Copy !req
635. That is it. I told you. Oh, no!Copy !req
636. That is the exact smell ofCopy !req
637. the chair.Copy !req
638. Everything is better than itCopy !req
639. was before.Copy !req
640. No, it isn't.Copy !req
641. No.Copy !req
642. It's so much worse.Copy !req
643. I have my son to rule with
me.Copy !req
644. No, you don't.
What do you mean?Copy !req
645. Because Franquito's not your
son.Copy !req
646. I made it all up.
What? How?Copy !req
647. All right, look, guys, it's
very simple.Copy !req
648. Seven years ago, I walked into aCopy !req
649. Wahwah, and I saw this guy, and
I thought, "Holy shit!Copy !req
650. That guy looks just like Frank,
but, you know, Mexican."Copy !req
651. And then I came up with a plan
where I could make Frank believeCopy !req
652. that he had a son with our maid
Josefina all those years ago,Copy !req
653. and I could bilk him out of a
shitload of money under theCopy !req
654. guise that the money was all
going to his firstborn son,Copy !req
655. Franquito, when, in fact, the
money was going to me.Copy !req
656. And it worked, too.
It was a good plan.Copy !req
657. Yeah, but that's, like...
incredibly devious, dude.Copy !req
658. I mean, you've been screwing
Frank for years?Copy !req
659. I mean, you guys wouldCopy !req
660. have done that, too, right, if
you'd thought of it?Copy !req
661. Uh, I don't... I don't know.
I don't know, man. I mean...Copy !req
662. Yeah, I think you guys would
have, but, either way, itCopy !req
663. doesn't matter, you know, 'causeCopy !req
664. everything is, uh, as it shouldCopy !req
665. be, so let's grab some drinks.Copy !req
666. Wait. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
667. No, no, everything is not asCopy !req
668. it should be.Copy !req
669. You tried to screw us out of the
bar.Copy !req
670. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you triedCopy !req
671. to steal the bar.
No, no, no, no, I was tryingCopy !req
672. to get things to go back to the
way they were— get him back onCopy !req
673. the throne, and, you know, so we
could get back to doing all theCopy !req
674. things that we love to do at
Paddy's, you know, like, um,Copy !req
675. finding out what's at the bottomCopy !req
676. of a hole. Right? Did we ever?Copy !req
677. Shit.Copy !req
678. Did you guys ever find outCopy !req
679. what was at the bottom of that?Copy !req
680. No, we dropped it completely.Copy !req
681. Yeah.
Oh, shit, dude.Copy !req
682. There could be a Goonies
situation down there, right?Copy !req
683. That. Yeah, that's what I was
thinking, yeah.Copy !req
684. Yeah, we were discussing it.
You feeling better?Copy !req
685. You know, the hole...
The hole in the bathroom? Yeah,Copy !req
686. I feel pretty good about this.
Want to pee in that hole?Copy !req
687. All right, come on, let's go
check it out.Copy !req
688. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's get in the bathroom.Copy !req
689. You want to try to flush that
thing one more time?Copy !req
690. Ah, the hole.Copy !req
691. Oh, I'm so excited things areCopy !req
692. back to the way they were. Yes.Copy !req
693. Go play in your little hole, you
fools.Copy !req
694. You still need me to stickCopy !req
695. around, or can I...?Copy !req
696. No, Franquito.
We're done here.Copy !req
697. Can I get my five bucks?Copy !req
698. Yes, you can get your five
bucks.Copy !req
699. Goddamn, you're a greedy
bastard.Copy !req