1. That's what's
good about a beer.
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2. Yeah, it's good.
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3. It just keeps cycling
through you...
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4. Guys, guys, guys, guys!
We got news.
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5. We've got terrible news.
Yeah.
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6. What do you got?
Okay, you know that Chinese
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7. fish factory across the street?
The one with the horrible smell?
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8. Ugh.
Yeah.
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9. Yeah. Of course.
Disgusting.
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10. Been there forever?
They've installed security
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11. cameras pointed directly at
Paddy's.
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12. Yeah.
What?
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13. They're pointing them at us?
Yes.
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14. They can't do that.
That's bullshit!
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15. What, are they spying on us?
Yes, dude, I think they're
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16. spying on us, and you know what
else?
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17. They bought the building next
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18. door and they are expanding
like crazy.
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19. I'm telling you, it is only a
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20. matter of time before the
Chinese take us over.
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21. Oh, they've always been very
secretive for a fish factory.
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22. And do you ever feel like
maybe they're using that fish
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23. smell to cover up, like, maybe
some other mysterious smell?
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24. Mmm. >> It is an incredibly
strong smell.
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25. It's turned me off of fish.
Me, too!
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26. That's so bad.
Oh, I'm off of fish.
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27. And I used to eat so much
fish, guys, I mean...
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28. I love fish.
'Cause fish has all the
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29. good fatty acids, right?
A good fish, a solid fish?
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30. Protein, omega numbers...
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31. So many omegas— threes,
fours and fives.
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32. Melts in your mouth.
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33. You get to eat all your
scales.
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34. Don't eat the scales.
No, you don't eat the scales.
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35. You know, you don't get
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36. scales unless it's a fish or a
reptile.
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37. You got to get them...
Don't eat reptiles.
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38. Yeah, not eating all
reptiles, just the good ones.
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39. Okay, guys, we got a plan.
Dee, come with us.
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40. Yeah. >> You're gonna help us
gather intel.
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41. Okay.
Let's do it, come on.
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42. There she goes.
Let's go.
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43. All right, and then, uh, what
do Frank and I do?
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44. Well, you guys just hang
back, uh, do your thing.
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45. Don't eat reptiles and just hang
out.
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46. What? >> What, you're going
with Dee over us?
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47. Right.
Yeah.
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48. I-Is this 'cause you guys
have been living at her place
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49. ever since your fire?
You know what I mean?
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50. I feel like you burn your place
down, you move into Dee's, and
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51. now you're, like, getting all
buddy-buddy...
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52. Yeah. Yeah, chummy-chummy.
Yeah, I-I guess so.
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53. You know, if you need.
That's crazy!
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54. Dee over us?
I mean, you can't count on her.
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55. You're completely unreliable,
Dee, really.
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56. You're, like, all gangly and
uncoordinated.
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57. And she's constantly gonna
back-sass you.
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58. Oh, she'll argue with
everything you say.
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59. You know, it's bullshit.
No, you know what's bullshit?
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60. Me getting boxed out all the
time.
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61. And these guys have finally
realized, by living with me,
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62. that old Dee is pretty cool
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63. after all, and pretty funny,
too.
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64. So maybe I shouldn't be the butt
of everybody's jokes anymore.
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65. Let's... let's not get crazy,
Dee.
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66. Yeah, you're always gonna be
the butt of our jokes.
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67. Whatever, let's roll.
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68. Yeah, we're still gonna make
jokes at your expense.
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69. That's okay, let's go.
All right.
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70. Yeah, uh... just hang.
Uh, we're good.
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71. Huh?
What the hell was that?
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72. Something stinks here,
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73. Charlie, and it ain't just the
fish.
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74. Dude, the other day, I was
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75. trying to get in the back
office...
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76. Yeah?
Dennis had the door locked.
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77. Mac locked the door, too!
What is that?
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78. Who locks the office door?
I feel like they're always
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79. sneaking around now, and they're
all, like, nervous.
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80. Something big is definitely
going down.
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81. I got a plan. You know what?
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82. How about you and I spy on that
Chinese factory?
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83. Yeah, but, Charlie, I trust
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84. the Chinese as far as I could
throw their factory.
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85. Mm-hmm.
But the real threat isn't
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86. abroad, Charlie; it's right here
at home.
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87. We got to spy on Mac and Dennis.
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88. Oh, God, that smell!
Whew!
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89. The air quality in here is
terrible!
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90. How do these people survive in
this?
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91. Oof.
Well, you know the Chinese.
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92. It's like, business first,
breathing second, goddamn it!
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93. At least we know that it's a
real fish factory, not some sort
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94. of a front for something.
Well...
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95. Well, Dee, we don't know that
for sure, okay?
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96. And that's why you got to get a
job here.
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97. I got to get a job here?
What am I looking for?
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98. Shady practices, you know?
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99. Sketchy dealings. Schematics.
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100. Uh, human rights violations,
anything, Dee.
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101. Just-just, you know, gather
intel.
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102. Okay.
What are you guys gonna do?
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103. Dee, you're on a need-to-know
basis here, okay?
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104. There's a chain of command here,
okay?
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105. You're at the very bottom.
You're way down.
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106. Yeah.
Well, at least tell me what
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107. the whole plan is.
Dee, the one time we bring
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108. you in on a thing instead of
Charlie and all we get is
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109. back-sass and questions?
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110. Do you want to be on the team or
not? >> Yeah.
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111. Yeah, I want to be part of the
team, okay?
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112. Yes, sorry.
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113. So how do I gather the intel?
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114. Oh, Jesus Chri...
Talk to people.
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115. I don't know, flirt with the
manager.
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116. He'll love how "pretty" and
"blonde" you are.
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117. Don't do that. I'm blonde.
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118. Look, my mind goes to that
office up there, you know?
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119. What kind of shady shit's going
on in there?
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120. And now I'm doing your job for
you.
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121. You know what, let's just go get
Charlie, 'cause I don't want to
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122. hold her hand through the whole
process.
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123. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No Charlie. No Charlie, okay?
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124. I got this, you guys, I got
this.
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125. Don't worry about me, I got
this.
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126. Okay, we need you, Dee. Go.
Go.
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127. Go.
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128. It sucks not having our own
apartment.
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129. We got to get back in there,
dude.
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130. I know. I hate Dee.
Dennis, I hate her.
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131. I know, I know, but at least
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132. we got her out of our hair for a
little while.
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133. Yeah.
We can finally do our plan.
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134. Yes, okay.
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135. Oh, goddamn it.
What is that?
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136. Goddamn it! All right, look.
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137. Let's just deal with it, and
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138. then we can get back to
business.
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139. Yeah, okay.
All right, all right.
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140. I'm coming!
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141. I'm coming, Jesus Christ... oh.
Hey, guys.
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142. What do you want, Charlie?
We're busy.
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143. I wanted to apologize about,
um, snapping earlier today with
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144. words at you guys, and then I
came here to make an apology...
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145. apology words.
What's he talking about?
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146. I-I don't know.
I don't remember.
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147. Okay, thank you.
Well, hang on!
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148. Hang on a second.
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149. I got you guys a flower
arrangement for you.
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150. Great. Thanks.
Give it to him.
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151. You can't just have it.
There's a plan.
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152. I have to come in and give it to
you.
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153. And put it down.
All right, fine.
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154. Come in, put them down and then
go.
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155. Okay, and I'm in.
He's in.
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156. Okay. Uh...
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157. Put the vase close to them,
so we can see them.
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158. Right. Okay... and good.
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159. And where are you guys spending
the most of your time?
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160. It's a very small apartment.
We're all over the place.
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161. Just put them anywhere.
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162. And I'll put them down right
here, then.
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163. No. No good, move them.
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164. Can't put them here, though.
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165. Where can I put them?
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166. Dude, any... put them in the
trash, for all we care.
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167. I don't... >> Putting them a
little further back, so...
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168. Yeah, that's good.
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169. And right about here.
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170. Uh, great, we don't care.
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171. It's fine.
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172. No, to the left.
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173. To the left, you say?
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174. Didn't say that.
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175. Don't talk out loud to me.
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176. Roger that.
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177. Who's Roger?
Who's Roger?
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178. Just... thinking about legally
changing my name to Roger.
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179. What's wrong with your ear,
dude?
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180. S... spider crawled up in my
ear.
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181. It was living there.
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182. Right.
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183. Sends its thoughts to me.
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184. Is it telling you to leave?
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185. Spider, can I leave?
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186. To the left.
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187. Right there, that's good.
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188. Now get out of there.
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189. Okay.
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190. Oh, Jesus Chr...
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191. Let's get back to business,
please.
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192. Yeah, come on.
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193. I was doing a little research
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194. earlier, and I stumbled upon
something huge.
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195. Hey, man.
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196. Can you hear and see everything?
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197. They're talking about
research.
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198. Research, huh?
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199. It is everything that we've
been looking for.
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200. Dude, it's gonna save us so much
time.
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201. It is a game-changer.
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202. Check this out.
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203. Oh, my God.
Yeah.
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204. There's so much potential
here!
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205. What is it?
This is great!
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206. I can't see.
Yeah, shit.
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207. So, listen, do me a favor.
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208. Give me a little bit of time
with this, okay?
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209. Let me dig in to this a little
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210. bit, see what the potential
really is.
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211. Yeah, I'll give you some
space. Okay.
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212. Yeah. Oh, oh, wait, Mac.
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213. Yeah?
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214. One more thing.
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215. Mm-hmm.
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216. Throw those goddamn flowers
in the trash.
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217. Yeah. Right.
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218. Pieces of shit.
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219. Goddamn it!
Son of a bitch.
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220. We got to get our hands on
that laptop!
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221. Right.
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222. Name's Dee.
I'm new around here.
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223. So, what's the deal with these
masks, huh?
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224. Are they gonna protect you from
the fish or protect the fish
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225. from you— am I right?
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226. No. I didn't get that.
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227. You chop fish, pull gut!
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228. "Pull gut." Totally, yeah.
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229. Listen, I'm gonna pop this off
'cause it's not protecting me
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230. from the smell, so I'm not
really sure what the point is.
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231. Hey.
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232. Give me the skinny.
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233. Are you guys up to anything
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234. non-fish related around here
or...?
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235. Seriously?
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236. All right, goddamn it.
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237. You are of no use to me.
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238. Oh, here we go.
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239. Uh, excuse me. Hello.
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240. Hi. Um...
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241. Uh, my name's Dee and I'm new
around here, and I just would
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242. love to chat with you sometime
in private, you know?
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243. Maybe up in your secret private
office up there?
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244. I need you to chop fish and
pull the gut.
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245. Yeah. No, I get it.
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246. I-I get that you're a chop fish,
pull gut factory.
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247. Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Don't go anywhere. Hi.
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248. Um, uh, how about this, huh?
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249. Uh-oh. What do you see, huh?
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250. American girl, blue eyes, blonde
hair...
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251. It got me! It got me good!
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252. Aah! It got in my mouth!
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253. It's getting in...
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254. Hi.
Hey, guys.
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255. What are you doing, dude?
You texted us 911.
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256. What's the emergency?
Yeah.
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257. Oh, yeah, uh, well, our
friendship's in danger, so...
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258. I stole Frank's credit card.
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259. You guys want to have lunch?
You got Frank's card?
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260. I got the card.
I'm annoyed, but I could eat.
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261. All right, let's go.
Yeah, to be honest with you,
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262. my taste for fish is returning.
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263. Yeah, I've been thinking
about it all day.
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264. My taste for fish is slowly
returning, too. Yeah.
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265. And Guigino's does have the best
fish. Very well!
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266. All right, you know, maybe,
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267. uh... maybe just order a couple
apps though.
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268. I think Frank would prefer that.
You know, that's...
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269. Who cares what Frank prefers?
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270. We're buying this food with his
stolen credit card.
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271. And I'm gonna pretend I
didn't hear that.
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272. Uh, welcome back, gentlemen.
I'm sorry.
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273. Do I know you, pal?
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274. I've never seen this man
before in my life.
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275. I waited on you before.
You tied my shoelaces together.
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276. I fell down.
I'm getting nothing.
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277. I'm drawing a blank on this guy.
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278. Yeah, yeah, that means
nothing to me.
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279. What are you saying?
A scalding hot plate of
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280. spaghetti fell into my face?
I'm to remember every man
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281. I've seen fall into a plate of
spaghetti?
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282. Never mind.
Uh, can I get your order?
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283. Get me the snapper, bozo.
Snapper fish for the man.
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284. Actually, our fish supplier
had an incident at their
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285. facility, so we are limited on
fish.
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286. Market price is quite high
today.
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287. Do you have the snapper
or not?
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288. Yeah, uh, we do.
But it's $44.
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289. Ooh. Oh, my God. All right.
Well, then, let's do some
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290. cheaper chicken or, uh...
Well, no. I'm in a fish mood
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291. now. Fish has been established.
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292. It was established,
wasn't it?
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293. Yeah, it was.
So three snappers.
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294. Yeah, why are we talking
about it so much?
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295. Get the goddamn snappers!
Okay... oh...
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296. Get the snapper!
Jesus Christ.
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297. Who is that guy?
Guigino's is slipping.
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298. It's slipping.
It is, they are slipping.
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299. They do have great fish, though.
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300. So, what's going on with our
friendship?
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301. Yeah.
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302. Okay.
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303. Ha!
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304. Charlie, I'm in.
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305. How you doing? You having lunch?
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306. Keeping them busy?
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307. Uh, yeah, but slight hitch,
though.
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308. The snapper is, uh, $44.
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309. What?
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310. No, no, no, no $44!
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311. Get them appetizers.
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312. I know, but, like, they want
fish and I kind of want fish,
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313. too, and the waiter said it's
the market price, so...
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314. All right. Wait, I got the
laptop.
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315. Let me go to the search history.
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316. Holy shit!
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317. Damn it!
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318. Sweeping up fish guts with a
broom!
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319. Got to be some kind of workers'
rights violation.
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320. What are you...? Aah!
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321. You idiot! What are you picking
it up with your hands?
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322. Uh, hell no, lady, no.
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323. Uh, look, I realize this might
all be moon talk to you, but I'm
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324. not touching fish guts with my
hands, okay?
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325. You know what we could do?
Yeah, let's just disperse it.
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326. You know what I mean?
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327. Just send it all over the place!
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328. Nobody will know.
Just kind of...
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329. Oh...
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330. Yeah, it's so crazy.
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331. I saw that.
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332. Hey, Frank.
Sweet hat and jacket.
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333. Don't.. Charlie, don't
sit there.
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334. Huh?
Sit back there.
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335. We got to be smart about this.
Yeah, all right.
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336. Why didn't we just meet back at
the apartment then?
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337. That would've been better.
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338. Because you got me thinking
about fish.
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339. Oh, right, nice. Yeah.
Get the snapper. It's delicious.
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340. Mmm.
Hi. How can I help you?
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341. Oh, perfect.
You're here now, too.
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342. You're talking to me like you
know me.
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343. Have we ever met?
Let's just move past this
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344. part. What can I get you?
I'm gonna have the snapper.
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345. And I'm gonna buy one for the
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346. strange man behind me who I've
never met.
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347. Gentlemen, I hate to inform
you two... strangers here that
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348. we are out of snapper.
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349. We had some issues with our
local supplier, so we are
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350. completely out of fish today.
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351. How do you not have fish?
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352. It says "Fresh fish daily" on
the menu.
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353. Well, I just explained it.
I went step by step.
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354. But how come you don't have
it? It's on the menu!
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355. For the reasons I said.
You have no snapper?
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356. There's a sequence of
events...
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357. It says right here snapper...
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358. Do you have fish or do you
not have fish?
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359. Can I get you a non-fish
entree?
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360. You can get lost.
With pleasure.
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361. All right, so...
what did you find out?
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362. I think I know what those
guys are up to.
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363. Can I just sit over there?
'Cause I feel like the cover's
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364. blown now, and now I have to go
like...
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365. All right, sit over here.
You know what I mean?
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366. I think I know what they're
up to.
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367. Okay, what?
I think Mac and Dennis are
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368. going into business with the
Chinese guys across the street.
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369. What?
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370. They're gonna open up some
kind of pastry factory!
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371. What? What makes you think
that?
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372. I saw it on their search
history.
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373. Only two words came up.
Copy !req
374. "Asians..."
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375. and "cream pies."
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376. Oh, shit.
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377. They're gonna turn Paddy's
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378. into some kind of Asian cream
pie factory!
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379. Those bastards!
Yeah!
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380. Oh, my God!
Sons of bitches!
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381. So, what are we gonna do?
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382. We got to beat them at their
own game.
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383. Okay, the Chinese want cream
pies, they'll get cream pies.
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384. But only, they're not gonna get
them from those bozos.
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385. They're gonna be getting their
cream pies from us.
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386. Can I go now?
Because I feel like you had a
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387. really long session last time.
I did, yeah, I went on for a
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388. long, long time, but that's how
much it takes, all right?
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389. I'm trying to build up to
something, to-to a major
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390. finish, you know?
And-and I didn't get to because
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391. Charlie interrupted us with his
goddamn emergency lunch.
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392. What are you doing?
I really don't want to stumble
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393. across whatever it is that
you're stumbling across.
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394. Let me finish.
Wait, no, this... we got a
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395. problem here.
What?
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396. The Internet's not working.
What?
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397. No... No!
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398. Come on!
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399. Oh, son of a bitch.
What is it, Charlie?
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400. We're in the middle of a crisis.
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401. Trouble getting online?
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402. Yeah, how did you know that?
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403. We need to talk.
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404. Hi, how can I help...
Oh, you're back.
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405. Why do you look familiar to
me?
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406. I'm the waiter you didn't tip
earlier.
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407. Yeah, well, you're not gonna
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408. get tipped again with that
attitude.
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409. We'll take the snapper.
Uh, this guy, too.
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410. He's-he's with us.
Well, as I told this
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411. gentleman only moments ago, we
are out of fish today.
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412. We came to Guigino's for the
fish.
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413. It says "Fresh fish daily."
Uh, you know what, Dennis?
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414. I'll have a plate of piping hot
spaghetti instead.
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415. Extra sauce.
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416. All right. You know what?
That sounds good.
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417. I'll-I'll take spaghetti, too.
Nice and sloppy.
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418. So you do remember me.
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419. We're busy! Okay?
Can we get spaghetti?
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420. He wants spaghetti.
I want spaghetti, too, please.
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421. He's gonna get spaghetti.
Just get us the spaghetti.
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422. And some snapper fish, if you
have it.
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423. Yeah.
Thank you, thank you...
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424. What's that guy's attitude?
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425. I don't know what that guy's
deal is.
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426. Hey, you know what we should do?
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427. We should tie his shoelaces
together.
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428. Classic!
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429. When he falls, it'll spill all
over.
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430. Yeah, the spaghetti will get
on him!
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431. Oh, I've always wanted to see
that.
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432. Hey, can I come sit with you
guys?
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433. 'Cause I feel my cover's blown,
here.
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434. You don't have a goddamn
cover; you're, uh, dressed
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435. like it's Halloween.
Come over here.
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436. All right, I'm coming over.
All right.
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437. Now, what's going on, man?
What's going on?
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438. Listen, Frank's onto you.
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439. That's why I had Dee's Internet
shut down.
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440. He knows what you're doing.
Oh, come on.
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441. Frank knows what we're doing?
Yes!
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442. And honestly, guys, you should
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443. be ashamed of yourselves.
Really.
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444. What? I'm not ashamed.
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445. I'm a little bit ashamed, but
I think that's natural.
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446. Well, look, here's the thing.
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447. Now Frank wants to start doing
it, too.
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448. So what?
So what? Let him do it.
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449. Well, he wants me to do it
with him.
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450. I assumed you two did that
already.
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451. Me, too.
No!
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452. And now he wants us to do it
with the Chinese guy across the
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453. street, so I knew you wouldn't
be into that.
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454. Well, no, I'm not into that.
That's bizarre.
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455. Exactly.
I feel like I should be doing it
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456. with you guys.
Ah... >> Come on, man.
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457. This is getting weird and
messy.
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458. I-I don't want to get you
involved.
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459. Come on, guys.
There's too many people.
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460. Just go do it with Frank.
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461. I know... okay, well, is Dee
in on it?
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462. Ew! God, no!
Why would we... ugh.
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463. That's why she's at the
factory, to distract her.
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464. Come on, guys.
It should be you and me, okay?
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465. I like cream pies as much as the
next guy.
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466. Oh, shh... don't-don't say it
out loud.
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467. Well, okay, okay, okay.
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468. Let me make a... cream pie...
for you, okay?
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469. Then you can try it.
See what you think.
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470. I do not want to taste your
cream pie.
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471. They taste great, I can
guarantee it.
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472. You've tasted yours?
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473. Of course I have.
Haven't you?
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474. No!
I've tasted mine.
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475. I didn't like it.
I've tasted mine, yeah.
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476. I-I liked mine.
Whatever, dude.
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477. If you don't care about the
taste, fine, all right?
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478. But they're not just gonna be
for us anyway.
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479. It's not... what?
What?
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480. We're gonna sell them to
everyone in Philly.
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481. Who the hell's gonna want to
buy them?
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482. Everyone's gonna want to buy
them, everyone loves them,
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483. especially little kids.
Ew... dude!
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484. Little kids? >> I'd love
watching a kid do it.
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485. Dude, you are gonna get in
a lot of trouble.
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486. Hell, no, dude.
It's not like I'm gonna do it
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487. without the parents' permission,
I'll do everything...
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488. No parent is gonna let you...
Where are you gonna go?
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489. The parents are gonna watch.
They're gonna be so psyched...
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490. They're not gonna want to
watch!
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491. What are you talking about?
Oh, we got to go overseas for
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492. that. That's just...
No.
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493. No, you don't.
That's as American as it gets.
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494. Guys, you gotta think about this
as a business venture, right?
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495. The three of us combine our
ingredients, making, like, one
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496. gigantic, delicious cream pie,
some little kid sucking it down
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497. and he's paying us for the
pleasure.
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498. Hang on a second.
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499. What kind of cream pie are you
talking about?
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500. What... kind of cream pie are
you talking about?
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501. Cream pies.
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502. Everyone loves them.
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503. Comedians, baseball players,
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504. even protestors.
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505. Cream pies are a rich American
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506. tradition and also delicious.
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507. Mmm, my mouth's getting wet just
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508. watching her eat that cream pie.
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509. Asians know electronics.
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510. And fish.
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511. But Americans know cream pies—
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512. except for them.
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513. God bless cream pies, and God
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514. bless America.
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515. And China, too.
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516. Look, I'm an experienced
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517. businessman with a long history
in Asian countries.
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518. Imagine my cream pie taste and
know-how combined with your
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519. underpaid labor force.
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520. We could corner the cream pie
market!
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521. Wait, wait just a second.
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522. It's, uh... it's my business
partner.
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523. Hello?
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524. I'm in the middle of the meeting
now.
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525. The video killed.
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526. What do you mean, it's not the
same kind of cream pie?
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527. Oh, wait, I'll look.
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528. Holy shit!
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529. Holy shit...
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530. Well, it looks like relying
on old Dee really paid off for
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531. you guys after all, huh?
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532. What are you talking about?
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533. Wh... my series of accidents
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534. shut the whole factory down for,
like, a couple days.
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535. Dee, we never asked you to
shut down the factory.
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536. Yeah, that's what's been
driving up the price of fish.
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537. Yeah, snapper's way up.
Snapper's through the roof.
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538. Snapper's through the roof!
You can't even get snapper!
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539. We're out of snapper, Dee!
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540. Look, you see, I told you you
can't count on her.
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541. Oh, and by the way, we stole our
Wi-Fi from that place, too.
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542. Did you know that?
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543. Oh, so now we got no Wi-Fi
because of you.
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544. Actually, we're pretty
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545. dependent on that Chinese
factory.
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546. We need the Chinese, Dee, we
need the...
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547. Yeah, for the cream, for
the cr...
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548. Don't-don't...
All right, guys, you know what?
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549. She seems fine and I'm not
worried about her.
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550. Let's-let's go discuss our
research a little bit further,
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551. yeah?
Ooh, for what, for what?
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552. For one of our next schemes?
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553. Yeah. Yeah.
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554. For the next scheme, Dee.
Uh, we'll be in touch.
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555. Oh. You guys could just do
that here, you...
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556. Wait, I can call for more
chairs!
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557. Listen, guys, uh, first of
all, I'm gonna suggest that we
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558. reset our browser each time we
do a research session.
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559. That's a good idea.
For privacy. >> Right.
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560. Yeah, and, you know, we're
spying on ourselves.
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561. That doesn't really gather any
useful information.
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562. No, it's just all porn.
Right.
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563. We should keep spying on the
Chinese, though.
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564. Oh, absolutely.
Actually, when I was over
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565. there, I looked at their search
history; it's all porn, too.
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566. Is it?
Ah, we're all doing it.
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567. I think what you're gonna
find when you're spying on the
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568. general population is that
everyone is just, uh...
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569. masturbating constantly.
I know I am.
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570. And yet you've never heard of
a cream pie.
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