It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia 10x2

1. What do you mean, you

2. have a boyfriend?

3. I mean, I have a

4. boyfriend.

5. Is it that hard to believe?

6. I got a boyfriend.

7. His name's Ryan.

8. How the hell did you

9. get a boyfriend?

10. I met him on Bunchers.

11. Right, right, so you went on

12. a group date with a bunch of

13. ugly chicks to make yourself

14. look good, and you tricked a

15. guy.

16. Yes, of course, that's

17. exactly what I did, and it

18. worked well, and-and now we're

19. going steady.

20. That's a good trick.

21. Bunchers— sounds like the

22. '70s.

23. Bunch of people would get

24. together.

25. The next thing you know, it was

26. all asses and hands and tits

27. and...

28. I could slip right in and out

29. without anybody noticing.

30. It was great.

31. I can definitely brush up on

32. my game.

33. I don't know if you guys noticed

34. this, but, like, I'm kind of

35. having a hard time closing the

36. deal with the waitress.

37. Is he...?

38. Yeah, we've noticed.

39. So, maybe I can go on, like,

40. some group dates with you, and

41. you can show me some skills, and

42. I can figure out the final move

43. that I need to, you know...

44. Oh, and let's do 'em at Paddy's.

45. We could make a bunch of money.

46. It's a good idea.

47. That's a great idea.

48. We can make a bunch of money.

49. I'll tell you what.

50. As an erotic man, I have been

51. keeping my eye on this Bunchers

52. situation, and I got to say—

53. I'm into it.

54. So, I'll tell you what.

55. I will take you two under my

56. wing, and show you the DENNIS

57. system in action.

58. Oh.

59. Sounds great, and myself—

60. I'm all tied down, so I can't

61. participate, but, uh, I think

62. it'd be great to jump in on this

63. trend.

64. All right, here's to orgies.

65. Can't get enough

66. Of your love, babe

67. Man, I'm really nervous.

68. I'm, like, sweating through my

69. pants.

70. Yeah. Do you want some

71. cheese?

72. Have you brought cheese?

73. Yeah, you need some?

74. Yeah. Give me some.

75. Okay.

76. Right?

77. Ah...

78. Focus up, guys. Come on.

79. The girls are gonna be here

80. soon, geez.

81. Right, right.

82. Why do you have a dog leash?

83. Oh.

84. Good question. Yeah.

85. It's for the first "D" in the

86. DENNIS system.

87. See, the girls will see the

88. leash, and I'll say, "I've got a

89. rescue dog outside," thereby,

90. "D," demonstrating my value as a

91. compassionate man.

92. Later, when we go outside, the

93. dog will be missing.

94. I'll become hysterical and

95. suggest that, maybe, the dog ran

96. back to the apartment.

97. And then we'll go back to the

98. apartment.

99. The dog won't be there, either,

100. and the girl will console me.

101. With sex.

102. Oh!

103. What happened to the dog?

104. He let it go.

105. It probably got obliterated by a

106. taxi or something.

107. Ah, I bet that's what

108. happened.

109. Shit, poor thing.

110. No, no, no, no, no.

111. There never was a dog.

112. Oh, my God!

113. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

114. There was no dog?

115. Wait, I am now totally lost

116. here.

117. It's a made-up scenario to...

118. Just follow my lead.

119. I thought we got a dog.

120. Mac, Charlie and Dennis?

121. Yes! Hi.

122. How are you?

123. Good evening!

124. Hi, baby...

125. Oh... what the hell?

126. All right.

127. Oh, I am gonna make a

128. shitload of cash tonight.

129. Which is good, because I just

130. dropped a whole bunch of money

131. on a new promise ring for my

132. man.

133. Oh, you're proposing?

134. Good. Smart.

135. Corral him, because God knows

136. he'll never ask you.

137. No, I'm not proposing, I'm

138. promising my fidelity in our new

139. relationship.

140. I deactivated my Bunchers

141. account and I changed my

142. Facebook status to "In a

143. Relationship."

144. Why would you do that?

145. I told you, 'cause we're

146. going steady.

147. He's my main squeeze.

148. You sound like a 12-year-old.

149. It's a total turn-off.

150. My cock ring is sliding off.

151. Why my father is talking to

152. me with a cinch around his penis

153. is beyond my grasp.

154. You gotta be ready for when

155. the orgy breaks out.

156. Oh, shit.

157. It fell off.

158. Ugh...

159. Help me find it.

160. To "Ignition"

161. Hot and fresh out the kitchen

162. What, this guy?

163. Oh, well, he... his name's

164. Henry.

165. He's a dog.

166. He's a dog.

167. Y... uh, yeah.

168. Uh, named him after my

169. grandfather, um, who I'm very,

170. very close to.

171. No, Henry's a great little guy.

172. I tell you, when I snuggle up

173. next to him on the couch, I'd

174. swear that... he was the one

175. who rescued me.

176. Oh, that's so sweet.

177. Oh...

178. The waitress got bit by a

179. chow once, and I kicked the shit

180. out of the thing.

181. You kicked a dog?

182. Yeah.

183. Well, uh, you know, for the

184. waitress.

185. Who's the waitress?

186. Nobody, nobody.

187. Oh, I'm sorry.

188. No... Nobody?

189. She's the woman I'm in love

190. with, you know?

191. And I follow her around a lot,

192. and she doesn't really give me

193. the time of day, and...

194. that's cool, though, 'cause I'm

195. not gonna give up on her, you

196. know?

197. You don't give up on something

198. that beautiful.

199. Right.

200. She's not beautiful.

201. And everybody's banged her.

202. Except for me.

203. She was like, "I want to do hand

204. stuff with you," and I was like,

205. "Ugh, you're gross."

206. Keep this up, man.

207. Keep this up, see what happens.

208. Yeah, what are you gonna do?

209. I will strike you down.

210. Okay.

211. I will strike you down!

212. You're gonna strike me down?

213. Hang on.

214. See? That's a...

215. That's our thing.

216. They're doing a bit.

217. Sorry, that was just a joke.

218. Do you guys want to do

219. something a little fun?

220. Oh, yeah.

221. I do, I do.

222. Let's mix up the seating

223. arrangement.

224. We'll mix up the seating

225. arrangement.

226. Yeah. Kim, I'm detecting a

227. little bit of a vibe from you,

228. so why don't you come sit where

229. he's sitting.

230. I'll move!

231. If you sit where she's

232. sitting...

233. And I'll stay here.

234. No, you're gonna... you're

235. gonna switch places with Becky.

236. Right? Because while I don't

237. particularly find you

238. conventionally attractive, I do

239. find you oddly sexy.

240. Excuse me?

241. That was a compliment.

242. Um, sorry, that came out weird.

243. Excuse me.

244. You guys work here, right?

245. Yeah, uh...

246. Can I get a drink?

247. Y... go ask one of the other

248. ones.

249. What other ones?

250. The other ones, the bird

251. lady, the-the troll man.

252. Ask them for a drink.

253. We're on a date.

254. Are you touching my leg?

255. Ah, he is engaging you

256. physically.

257. Don't label it.

258. Oh, you know what?

259. You were supposed to want that,

260. because he was supposed to tell

261. the dog story to demonstrate

262. his value, and I botched it.

263. He has a system for women.

264. Well, don't talk about

265. the system.

266. The system happens without them

267. knowing.

268. There-there is no system.

269. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

270. And there is no dog.

271. The system is not a thing.

272. The dog is a thing.

273. Uh, guys, let's, um... let's

274. talk about something fun, that's

275. fun for me.

276. Well, don't move away from me.

277. What are you doing?

278. You're moving closer to the men

279. who eat trash and bang

280. transsexuals?

281. Move close to me!

282. Ryan?

283. Hi!

284. How are you?

285. Dee!

286. Oh, hey, what's up?

287. Are you surprising me at

288. work, you stinker?

289. I love that!

290. You're so cute.

291. Guess what.

292. I got you a little surprise,

293. too.

294. Yeah.

295. I didn't know you worked here.

296. It's so strange.

297. Um, yeah, I'm actually on a

298. Buncher.

299. Wait, what?

300. Yeah, they should be here any

301. minute.

302. It was good seeing you.

303. Oh.

304. What do you got here?

305. What's in the box?

306. No, that... that's just a...

307. It's a cock ring.

308. It's a cock ring, just from all

309. my lovers.

310. Oh.

311. It's kind of small, huh?

312. Well, it's my dad's.

313. So...

314. Huh.

315. Weird.

316. I'm breaking up with you.

317. Right. Well, I didn't know

318. that we were together.

319. Look, can I get a beer?

320. We killed it, boys.

321. We killed it.

322. This was a great idea.

323. Yeah, but the date sucked.

324. No, I think the date went

325. pretty well for me.

326. It did suck for you guys,

327. though.

328. Yeah, I imagine those girls are

329. probably at their apartments

330. right now, trying to figure out

331. how to get in touch with me.

332. Unbelievable.

333. Goddamn son of a bitch.

334. Buy you a promise ring, you're

335. out flitting around, dating

336. other people.

337. I shouldn't have given this guy

338. a five-star rating.

339. He didn't deserve it and then he

340. used it against me!

341. What's this now?

342. You're rating people?

343. Yeah, it's that site. Raters.

344. Girls can rate guys they go on

345. dates with.

346. They rate them?

347. Like... what do you mean, like a

348. star rating or something?

349. Yeah, it's a star rating.

350. I'm gonna take that guy's

351. five-star rating, I'm gonna give

352. him a zero.

353. Hey, wait a second.

354. Hang on a second.

355. Are-are we rated on there?

356. Yep.

357. Ah!

358. We are?

359. What?

360. Holy shit.

361. Let me see.

362. Oh!

363. Wait. One star? Out of five?

364. Yep, yep.

365. No, no, no.

366. Oh, shit!

367. Me and Charlie got two stars!

368. Oh! Nice!

369. We're better than you, dude!

370. No, that's bullshit.

371. No, no, no, the only reason I

372. was rated one star is 'cause I

373. was brought down by you two

374. morons, all right?

375. I... I was a five-star man

376. before the Internet, and I'm

377. damn sure a five-star man now,

378. okay?

379. I just gotta drop the dead

380. weight so I can shine.

381. Goddamn it...

382. Goddamn it.

383. He's out, I'm in, let's

384. swing.

385. Ah, this poor jerk has no

386. idea he's about to get played

387. like a goddamn guitar.

388. Only one guy?

389. Yeah.

390. I'm doing Sparkers now.

391. Isn't that what you're doing?

392. I thought you got rid of Mac and

393. Charlie.

394. Yeah, no, I did, but, uh, I

395. still wanted three girls, you

396. know?

397. I-I like having the options.

398. Yeah.

399. I'll just make some shit up

400. about where the other guys are.

401. Can I get a drink, please?

402. No, not now.

403. Ask-ask one of the other ones.

404. Yeah.

405. The dirty one or the gay one.

406. Frank, why do we have to be

407. in here?

408. We should be out there, gettin'

409. our swings in, dude.

410. Because we're not ready.

411. We need a game plan.

412. We can't risk losing our

413. two-star rating.

414. That's a good point.

415. Right.

416. Don't want to lose any stars.

417. Okay.

418. A good date is all about

419. conversation.

420. If we could master some pleasant

421. banter and then punctuate it

422. with a joke, we'd be in good

423. shape.

424. That sounds easy enough.

425. Yeah, all right, we can do

426. that.

427. Okay, all right.

428. What are some of the things we

429. could talk about?

430. Ah. Creatine shits.

431. Creatine shits?

432. Yeah. Oh, creatine is a

433. workout supplement.

434. It shows that I care about my

435. body.

436. What's shitting it out got to

437. do with anything?

438. Oh, well, that demonstrates

439. an inside knowledge of the

440. product.

441. It shows that I'm not just

442. mentioning it, I actually use

443. it.

444. No.

445. I think we should avoid talking

446. about muscles and men's bodies

447. and shits.

448. I mean, it sends the wrong

449. message.

450. We should also avoid talking

451. about the waitress, Charlie.

452. Why?

453. It's, like, a super romantic

454. thing to talk about.

455. It's a love story for the ages.

456. Yeah, I-I think you should

457. actually bring it up.

458. Also, who's going to say grace?

459. We should figure that out now.

460. Wait, wait, wait, okay.

461. Listen, maybe we should

462. concentrate on stuff not to talk

463. about.

464. So, what, you're like a

465. chiropractor or some shit?

466. A spinal surgeon, actually.

467. Cool. Yeah, cool.

468. Oh, what, this?

469. Henry.

470. Henry the dog.

471. He's lost. Probably dead.

472. Look, let's cut to the chase.

473. I like you.

474. I like you very much.

475. This is gonna happen.

476. Cheers.

477. Whoa!

478. That's strong.

479. Mmm.

480. I'm not much of a drinker.

481. No?

482. I'll get two more.

483. Hey. Hi.

484. Hi.

485. Hi.

486. Hi.

487. So, um... where are the other

488. guys?

489. Oh, yeah, it's... fair

490. enough.

491. Yeah, no, the other guys got

492. tied up.

493. They couldn't make it, but, uh,

494. fortunately, I possess all of

495. their good qualities.

496. All right.

497. Hey, you know what, ladies?

498. These-these things can be a

499. little bit awkward, right?

500. What do you say we do some

501. shots?

502. Oh, please.

503. Yes, please.

504. Yeah, let's do it.

505. Oh! What is that?

506. What are you doing?

507. Are you, are you rating me?

508. No.

509. No, I'm just checking my phone.

510. Oh.

511. That's cool.

512. Cool.

513. If you were to rate me, what

514. would you put?

515. I don't know. I...

516. Oh...

517. Well, you can't not know, right?

518. I mean, that-that'd be, that's

519. stupid.

520. It's simple, it's one out of

521. five.

522. If it were a one out of five

523. thing, and it is, what would you

524. give me?

525. The obvious five-star rating, or

526. would you be a liar?

527. Can we... stop talking about

528. ratings?

529. Yeah.

530. Of course we can.

531. That's stupid, why would we

532. even... yeah.

533. Oh, I have a rescue dog outside.

534. Okay.

535. That was jarring.

536. There was no context for that.

537. Sorry, sorry.

538. I'm just... sorry, my rhythm's a

539. little bit, is a little bit off.

540. I'm thrown because... I-I kind

541. of want to just... can we just

542. get the rating thing out of the

543. way, you know?

544. I feel like it's a thing now,

545. and...

546. What's going on here, dude?

547. Were there really other guys?

548. Of course there were other

549. guys.

550. I don't like the way you asked

551. me that.

552. Switch with her.

553. Oh, my God, you know what?

554. I think we're gonna go.

555. Okay, fine.

556. Well, then, I don't want you to

557. rate me.

558. That's not what I want anymore.

559. I was never going to rate you

560. in the first place.

561. But now I definitely am.

562. Oh. How many stars?

563. Oh, my God!

564. God.

565. Looks like the spider

566. caught herself a fly.

567. Uh... we can't talk about

568. snakes or smells?

569. What else is there?

570. Uh, can you put "Jews" in the

571. "yes" column?

572. What?

573. I feel like we gotta get it

574. out in the open.

575. Would you leave the Jews out

576. of it?

577. No, because they have their

578. "J" sites 'cause they don't want

579. to be with us as much as we

580. don't want to be with them.

581. I don't support any of that.

582. No, no, that-that... that...

583. I'm sorry, I'm just concerned

584. that the person I'm gonna be

585. dating killed the savior of the

586. world.

587. That's all. That's all!

588. Put "religion" in the "no."

589. Let's switch gears and go to

590. the joke.

591. Yeah.

592. Oh, oh! I got a great one

593. about a dago fisherman.

594. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

595. Ethnic jokes are really dicey.

596. You can't do that.

597. You gotta keep it light.

598. Like, uh, a cowboy and a teacher

599. walk into a bar.

600. Yeah, but that doesn't make

601. sense, 'cause cowboys hate

602. teachers.

603. You know, cowboys are

604. independent thinkers who like to

605. learn for themselves.

606. All right, all right, look.

607. I think we're gettin' bogged

608. down here.

609. Why don't we just go out and do

610. a dry run with some broads and

611. see how we do on our feet?

612. Okay, but what about our

613. stars? I mean...

614. If things go wrong, I'll blow

615. this whistle and call the date

616. before they have a chance to get

617. to know us.

618. Mm.

619. Let's just keep it simple.

620. Let's just start with our names.

621. Hi, ladies.

622. I'm Frack.

623. Shit.

624. Now I'm a half a star?

625. Half a star?

626. How does a five-star man get...

627. Is it... you know what?

628. It's these group dates.

629. That's what's doing it, man,

630. there's just too many variables,

631. you know?

632. The girls feel too safe.

633. I gotta get 'em in a one-on-one

634. scenario.

635. Sorry, I've got to get to

636. work at the hospital.

637. The hospital. Do you?

638. Yeah.

639. Yeah.

640. I've never had a one-night

641. stand before.

642. Hmm, hmm.

643. I... hope this isn't that.

644. Oh, no!

645. I'm gonna call you.

646. Okay.

647. Call you one star, bitch.

648. Ha!

649. Pass me that computer.

650. What are you doing?

651. One star?

652. That guy was awesome.

653. Hmm.

654. Is he a doctor?

655. Yeah, he was a doctor and

656. super hot.

657. This feels good.

658. Okay, you know what?

659. You're a heartless pig.

660. That's what's happening.

661. You lead a man on, you have sex

662. with him and you just throw him

663. in the trash?

664. You've been doing that to

665. women for years.

666. Yes, but I don't rate them

667. online for everyone to see.

668. Don't all your sex tapes have

669. star ratings?

670. Yeah, but that's different,

671. Dee, okay?

672. That's not... that doesn't go on

673. the Internet.

674. That's just for me.

675. And Mac.

676. And Charlie...

677. Okay. You know what?

678. It doesn't matter.

679. It doesn't matter, it's my turn.

680. This is my time, it's Dee's

681. time.

682. I even have my own system.

683. The DEE system.

684. Do them. Establish low rating.

685. Increase power.

686. "Increase" is spelled with an

687. "I."

688. Okay, well, then, uh...

689. Infuriate them when they find

690. out...

691. Another "I."

692. Empower. It doesn't... the

693. word doesn't matter.

694. It's-it's the system... ah, I

695. don't care about you.

696. All right, you know what?

697. This is, this is the problem,

698. Dee.

699. You can't even spell, much less

700. come up with a decent system,

701. and now your slapdash opinions

702. are gonna be thrown across the

703. Internet for everyone to see.

704. You know, these-these ratings,

705. they follow a man around.

706. They're gonna ruin this man's

707. reputation.

708. Well, sucks to be him.

709. But the thing about a rating

710. is you don't know the quality of

711. the person who's giving the

712. rating, right?

713. I mean, like, for instance, some

714. dum-dum goes into a Morton's

715. Steakhouse.

716. She orders a steak well-done and

717. then complains when the damn

718. thing comes out and it's too

719. dry.

720. Well, it's like, "Hey,

721. dum-dum, you ordered the damn

722. thing well-done.

723. That's why it's dry, you stupid

724. idiot."

725. Not bad, a little stiff.

726. Got tripped up on the

727. conversation portion, but we're

728. improving.

729. Mm-hmm.

730. Oh, hey. How'd your date go?

731. Uh, not great.

732. She ditched me.

733. Yeah, this-this rating thing.

734. It's just, it's messing with my

735. head, it's throwing my game off.

736. I think I need to target some

737. more undesirable women.

738. You know? Pick up some easy

739. stars. I think that'll get me

740. out of this funk.

741. Yeah. We made it past

742. introductions...

743. Oh, yeah?

744. Yeah, and...

745. Wow, check out Dee, man.

746. She's killing it!

747. Yes! She's got it down!

748. Forget her!

749. Let's get back on the horse.

750. All right.

751. Come on.

752. So, you guys own this bar?

753. Officially yes.

754. Unofficially we're so much more.

755. I like to think of us as

756. mercenaries, a strike force

757. actually.

758. Frank's management, I'm

759. security, Charlie bashes rats.

760. I don't really bash them so

761. much as I start to drown them

762. these days so I don't have to

763. listen to their screams.

764. He's a five-star dog 'cause I

765. wouldn't rescue a four-star or a

766. three-star dog, certainly not a

767. half-star dog.

768. Bring me a dream

769. Bung, bung, bung, bung, bung

770. Bung, bung, bung, bung, bung

771. Oh, I like cats, too.

772. I actually have 80 of them that

773. live in my alleyway.

774. Too many cats, sounds

775. strange.

776. I have eight cats that sleep

777. in my sink.

778. Still too many.

779. I don't have any cats, but I

780. sure do enjoy them.

781. I mean, half a star?

782. It doesn't change the five-star

783. man, who he is.

784. I'm a five-star man!

785. I'm a five-star man!

786. Bung, bung, bung, bung, bung

787. Bung, bung, bung, bung, bung

788. I'm a five-star man!

789. One...

790. one...

791. one... one...

792. one...

793. one.

794. One... one...

795. one...

796. I'm a five-star man!

797. Hello, Dennis.

798. Hi. Hi.

799. Thank you so much for coming.

800. Uh, please, sit.

801. So, what do you want?

802. Frankly, I've-I've hit a bit

803. of a rough patch, and it's made

804. me realize that I have not been

805. the best to women.

806. You included.

807. I've manipulated, I've judged.

808. I've ignored your feelings for

809. pursuits of the flesh.

810. But now I know what it feels

811. like to be completely unwanted

812. like you.

813. And... it doesn't feel good.

814. Oh, that's... really big of

815. you to say.

816. This is for you.

817. My God, are you proposing?

818. No. No, no.

819. No. I'm not proposing.

820. I would never, uh...

821. No, this is, um, it's a promise

822. ring.

823. Oh.

824. So, from now on, Waitress...

825. I promise to be nice and true.

826. I have a name.

827. Do you want the ring or not?

828. I do, yes. Thank you.

829. Wow!

830. Thank you.

831. And in return, of course, I

832. would ask that you promise

833. something to me.

834. To be your girlfriend.

835. No!

836. No.

837. Stop, okay?

838. Do-Don't do that.

839. I just need you to give me a

840. good rating on an Internet

841. Web site.

842. Oh, okay. Yeah, sure.

843. I can...

844. Yeah?

845. Yeah.

846. That would mean so much to

847. me. It really would.

848. Okay. I, um...

849. I don't have online, though.

850. What does that me...?

851. You "don't have online"?

852. No.

853. What the hell does that...?

854. Just... you can just go on your

855. phone and do it on your phone.

856. My phone is, it's so old!

857. Oh, my God!

858. That phone is preposterous!

859. How long have you had that?

860. Nine... 90...

861. 90...?

862. How do you get on the Internet?

863. I don't.

864. I mean, I don't do, like,

865. the e-mails...

866. "The e-mails"? It's e-mail.

867. It's just e-mail.

868. Who doesn't have the Internet in

869. this day and age?

870. What am I doing?

871. Why am I lowering myself

872. to this?

873. I don't need your approval.

874. Goddamn.

875. I don't need anyone's approval.

876. This is stupid.

877. What are you doing, huh?

878. You rating me right now?

879. Well, guess what.

880. Go ahead, rate me!

881. 'Cause I'll rate you, huh?

882. Go ahead, rate me!

883. I don't give a shit!

884. Rate me... I'll rate you!

885. Zero, zero, zero rate!

886. Okay, sir...

887. Rate, rate!

888. Sir, you need to leave, okay?

889. Rate, rate!

890. You need to leave, okay?

891. Zero, zero!

892. I will rate every single woman

893. in this restaurant!

894. Please...

895. So, he had the mule...

896. But he forgot the water.

897. Then the guy looks up and he

898. says, "Wait a second.

899. Where am I... in Ohio?"

900. You guys are so funny.

901. Oh, thanks, thanks.

902. Yeah, yeah.

903. Can-can you give us a second?

904. Holy shit!

905. What the... are we gonna do?

906. We've never got this far!

907. These girls are ready

908. to bang.

909. All right, well, what do we

910. say? What do we do?

911. We-we're gonna have to go

912. off script.

913. No, no, Frank, blow the

914. whistle! Call it, call it...

915. We got to bail...

916. What, are you kidding me?

917. Are you crazy?

918. We've come too far to call it!

919. Uh, my stomach's killing me.

920. Should we talk about that?

921. No, no...

922. I got the shits, I do have

923. the shits...

924. No, no, no! Not good!

925. Try another joke, quick!

926. Another joke?

927. I got it.

928. Ladies, got another one for you.

929. There's this dago fisherman...

930. Oh, shit!

931. What? No...

932. No, no, Charlie... Charlie,

933. we got it, we got...

934. Oh, shit! There goes my cock

935. ring!

936. His cock ring fell!

937. Yeah, I got the power, girls.

938. Yeah, you think you can rate me?

939. Bullshit! Rate— zero!

940. Zero! Zero rating!

941. Zero rating! Ha-ha!

942. Yeah, I got the power!

943. How does it feel, ladies?

944. I don't give a shit. Yeah!

945. Get the hell out of here!

946. You know what? I want every

947. single lady in here out of here!

948. Where-where-where are all, are

949. all the ladies?

950. Oh, uh, you know, the crowd's

951. kind of been thinning out.

952. I think it's because we haven't

953. really been tending bar.

954. Well, there's still a bunch

955. of dudes here.

956. Yeah, there's a bunch of

957. dudes here 'cause I'm crushing

958. it. They're all here to get

959. Deed— the most empowered

960. woman in Philly.

961. They all do seem to be into

962. her.

963. Hey, Dee.

964. You again? Listen.

965. I'm not gonna change your

966. rating, okay?

967. Just be grateful for the time

968. that we had together and

969. beat it.

970. Actually I was hoping to

971. hang out again.

972. Yeah? I bet you do.

973. It's 'cause I gave you one

974. star— I played you.

975. I don't need stars.

976. I was just hoping to get laid

977. again.

978. What?

979. Hey, Dee, any chance I could

980. get Deed again?

981. No, you're upset.

982. Aren't you upset?

983. You're upset about the zero

984. rating I gave you.

985. No. You could rate me lower

986. if you like.

987. Hey, are you the whore who

988. bangs everybody?

989. No, I'm not the whore...

990. I-I'm the empowered woman who

991. gives poor ratings to men.

992. Yeah, sure.

993. Can I get a rating?

994. No! Why would you want that

995. from me? What's going on?

996. Get out of here!

997. All three of you!

998. Get out of here!

999. Okay, yeah, guys, go ahead.

1000. Go, go, go, go. Go.

1001. I understand.

1002. Okay, I think I know what's

1003. happening here.

1004. Guys?

1005. We've lost sight of what's truly

1006. important.

1007. You can't derive your self-worth

1008. from the opinions of others.

1009. No! No, you get your self-worth

1010. from when you convince yourself

1011. that you're tough and that

1012. you're straight.

1013. I am tough.

1014. Sure, yes, absolutely.

1015. Or-or that you have got a shot

1016. with a woman who we've all

1017. banged but who hates you.

1018. Right. You're saying that I'm

1019. getting closer.

1020. Nice. I got a shot.

1021. Yeah, you're getting close,

1022. buddy. You'll get there.

1023. Or you— that your penis could

1024. ever possibly remain erect for

1025. more than a couple of seconds,

1026. even with a cock ring on.

1027. Hmm.

1028. Or that you are a powerful

1029. woman...

1030. instead of a dirty, dirty

1031. whore... who bangs toad people.

1032. Yeah, guys, guys, guys.

1033. Your true power comes not from

1034. outside sources, but from the

1035. delusional stories that you all

1036. convince yourselves of.

1037. And no one, no one can take that

1038. away from you.

1039. Wow.

1040. And what about you?

1041. Me? What about me?

1042. I'm good, man.

1043. I-I've been doing great.

1044. Yeah, this whole thing's been

1045. great for me.

1046. Well, that's good because

1047. you're down to zero stars.

1048. Oh, is he?

1049. Yeah, down to zero.

1050. I don't give a shit about

1051. that, you know what I mean?

1052. The star rating thing is not...

1053. Can I see that for a second?

1054. Yeah.

1055. Let me see that, yeah.

1056. Yeah, you know... Goddamn it!

1057. Goddamn it! You son of a bitch!

1058. Captioned by

1059. Media Access Group at WGBH

1060. Can't get enough

1061. Girl, I don't know

1062. I can't get enough

1063. Oh, some things

1064. No matter how I try

1065. The more I want