Invader ZIM 1x3

Directed by Steve Ressel

Zim goes on an outing to the downtown area in order to test a new guidance chip he installed in GIR, but when GIR removes the chip before leaving in order to store a cupcake, Zim and GIR are left lost and have to resort to public transport to find their way back. Their journey home is complicated further by Zim temporarily losing his vision by looking at the sun, his disguise being mistaken for that of a bank robber, and his escape from the police being wrecked by GIR replacing his extra rocket fuel with tuna fish.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

2. AND NICKELODEON

3. AH-HA HA HA HA!

4. AND YOU, MARY,

5. RIGHT WHERE YOUR HEAD IS,

6. BEFORE THE BIG BANG, THERE WAS NOTHING THERE!

7. AND OUTSIDE, WHERE THAT SQUIRREL IS,

8. THERE WAS NOTHING!

9. AND UNDER YOUR CHAIRS... NOTHING!

10. AND BY THAT TREE, WHERE THAT DOG IS...

11. NOTHING.

12. RRRGGGGHHH!

13. PHEW!

14. DON'T FORGET THAT TONIGHT IS PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT.

15. EVERYONE IS REQUIRED TO BRING THEIR PARENTS TO THE CAFETERIA.

16. I NEVER AGREED TO ATTEND THIS PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT!

17. YES, YOU DID.

18. NO. YOU LIE! YOU LIIIIIIE!

19. ZIM, ARE YOU GOING TO BRING YOUR PARENTS

20. TO PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT?

21. YEAH, SURE, WHATEVER.

22. WHY WOULD YOU TAPE THAT?

23. PUTTING UP A LOT OF FIGHT FOR SOMETHING

24. AS SIMPLE AS PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT, ZIM.

25. I BET HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PARENTS ARE.

26. OF COURSE, I DO.

27. WELCOME TO LIFE, IRKEN CHILD.

28. REPORT FOR DUTY.

29. YOU WILL BE HERE TONIGHT, ZIM.

30. YOU... AND YOUR PARENTS!

31. YEAH—SEE YOU AND YOUR PARENTS TONIGHT, ZIM.

32. YES! OH, I WILL BRING MY PARENTS

33. AND THEY SHALL BE THE GREATEST,

34. MOST PARENTAL PARENTS EVERRRR!

35. WELCOME HOME, SON.

36. UM—OH, IS THE UH— LADY OF THE HOUSE IN?

37. THAT'S ME!

38. I AM HOUSE LADY. BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

39. UH—HURUMPH— I'M SELLING MAKEUP

40. AND I JUST KNOW YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING GREAT—

41. I SAID BRUSH YOUR TEETH!

42. I'LL SEE YOU AND YOUR PARENTS TONIGHT, ZIM.

43. BY THE WAY, IT'S NOT CALLED PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT...

44. IT'S CALLED ZIM DOOM PARENT...

45. ZIM DOOM ZIMMY DOOM...

46. NIGHT.

47. HEH HEH HEH HEH.

48. WATCH OUT FOR THAT PUPPY.

49. HUH?

50. HAH!

51. AH! AH AH AH!

52. WAAAHHH!

53. WAIT! COME BACK!

54. I NEED STUFF!

55. WELCOME HOME, SON.

56. YOU WANT SOME DINNER, SWEETHEART?

57. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

58. I ONLY HAVE TWO HOURS BEFORE THIS...

59. PARENT/TEACHER THING.

60. THE PARENT DECOYS AREN'T READY FOR THAT KIND OF SERVICE.

61. THEIR INTERACTIVE SKILLS ARE TOO LIMITED.

62. UNLESS...

63. GIR!

64. YES, SIR.

65. GIR, WE HAVE TO PROGRAM THE PARENTS

66. TO LEARN HUMAN SOCIAL BEHAVIOR

67. IF THEY ARE TO JOIN ME FOR

68. PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT.

69. YES, SIR. RIGHT AWAY.

70. FAILURE TO ROTATE STOCK DESTROYS MERCHANDISE...

71. OOH! THIS IS MY FAVORITE SHOW.

72. WAIT, THIS IS MY FAVORITE SHOW.

73. LOOK! IT'S MY FAVORITE SHOW.

74. AHHHH!

75. MY SPINE!

76. I LOVE THIS SHOW.

77. NO, GIR, THE ROBOT PARENTS MUST LEARN PROPER PARENTING

78. FROM THIS VIDEO PROGRAM.

79. MAKE SURE THEY WATCH THE ENTIRE VIDEO, GIR!

80. THE FATE OF OUR MISSION DEPENDS ON IT!

81. WE SURE ARE PROUD OF OUR LITTLE BOY.

82. WE SURE ARE.

83. ARE YOU PLAGUED BY GRASS STAINS?

84. I LIKE BURRITOS,

85. BUT THEY SURE DON'T LIKE ME.

86. WHO DOES YOUR HAIR?

87. WE RETURN TO OUR MOVIE IN PROGRESS,

88. POKE... OF DOOM!

89. I LOVE THIS SHOW.

90. ARE YOU READY, DEAR?

91. YES.

92. WELL THEN, WE OUGHT TO BE ON OUR WAY.

93. YES.

94. WE SURE ARE PROUD OF YOU, SON.

95. WE SURE ARRRRRE.

96. I LOVE THIS SHOW.

97. HEY, KIDS, YOUR DAD.

98. I NEVER KNEW HE WAS A FLOATING HEAD.

99. OH, HE'S NOT.

100. MY DAD'S JUST REALLY BUSY AND HE COULDN'T BE HERE IN PERSON.

101. HE'S TRANSMITTING LIVE FROM HIS LAB ACROSS TOWN.

102. HEY, MY DAD WAS LIKE THAT, TOO.

103. YOU KNOW, I UNDERSTAND.

104. IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, PROFESSOR!

105. I'M MR. ELLIOT, HUH, YOUR DAUGHTER GAZ'S TEACHER.

106. I'M SORRY, BUT I'M VERY BUSY RIGHT NOW.

107. WE'RE TESTING SOME HIGHLY UNSTABLE...

108. HAH! NO! YOU HAVE THE MIXTURE ALL WRONG!

109. THESE ARE MY PARENTS. I LOVE THEM WITH ALL MY HEART.

110. I MUST HAVE PUNCH NOW!

111. WHEN YOU WERE MY STUDENTS,

112. I SAID YOU'D AMOUNT TO NOTHING,

113. AND I WAS RIGHT.

114. YOU'RE NOTHING!

115. HELLO, ZIM.

116. DIB.

117. DAD, THERE'S SOMEBODY I WANT YOU TO MEET.

118. THIS IS ZIM. YOU KNOW, THE ALIEN.

119. AND WHAT COUNTRY IS THE LITTLE GREEN BOY FROM?

120. YES, YES. THAT'S FASCINATING.

121. SO, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

122. MY MOM WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT ME!

123. IT'S REALLY EMBARRASSING.

124. AT LEAST SHE'S NOT SHOWING THE PICTURES.

125. OOH, AND YOU JUST GOTTA SEE THESE PICTURES.

126. NOW, HERE'S BILLY CRYING WHEN HE WAS

127. KICKED OFF THE SOCCER TEAM FOR CRYING TOO MUCH.

128. HEE HEE HEE.

129. GRASS STAINS SURE ARE TOUGH TO GET OUT OF THOSE SOCCER UNIFORMS.

130. SPORTS AREN'T EVERYTHING.

131. I'M SURE YOUR BOY WILL FIND SOMETHING HE'S GOOD AT.

132. THAT'S TRUE.

133. HEY!

134. TRY ONE OF THESE COOKIES.

135. MY WIFE MADE THEM.

136. THANKS, TED.

137. OH, NO.

138. HONEY, IS IT...?

139. YEP.

140. DIARRHEA!

141. I HAVE JUST THE THING FOR THAT!

142. WHO DOES YOUR HAIR?

143. AH! AH AH! OW! MY HEAD!

144. MOM, I THINK WE SHOULD GO HOME NOW.

145. DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOUNG MAN.

146. YOU GO TO YOUR ROOM!

147. HEY, IS YOUR DAD FEELING WELL?

148. YES, HE'S PERFECTLY FINE.

149. AAAHHH!

150. NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

151. MY DAD LOST HIS ARM IN UH—THE WAR.

152. THAT WAS MY SQUEEZIN' ARM.

153. THEY TOOK MY SQUEEZING ARM!

154. WHY MY SQUEEZING ARM!

155. AAAAAARRRGH!

156. QUIT POKIN' MY MOM'S HEAD!

157. LOOK, MOM, WE REALLY HAVE TO GO.

158. PLEASE NOW, PLEASE!

159. HONEY, YOU'RE UPSET.

160. YES! AND I WANT TO GO HOME.

161. I KNOW WHAT'LL CHEER YOU UP.

162. LOOK, EVERYONE, LOOK!

163. CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THIS WOMAN IS SUFFERING

164. FROM SEVERE POKEY TRAUMA?

165. MOM, DAD! I THINK I'VE BROKEN MY SPINE!

166. MY SPINE. AAAAHHH!

167. AW, HONEY. I THINK IT'S TIME WE TOOK YOU HOME.

168. LEMME GUESS...

169. NOBODY SAW THAT, RIGHT?

170. HEY, THAT KID'S THROWING PUNCH!

171. YEEEEHEEE!

172. I'M RUNNING! I'M RUNNING!

173. AAAHHH! WHOO...!

174. OW! I'M NAKED!

175. GIR! SIT STILL!

176. I DON'T NEED IT!

177. I DON'T NEED IT!

178. DONE. THE FINEST IN IRKEN GUIDANCE TECHNOLOGY

179. AND I HAVE IMPROVED IT.

180. WITH THESE UPGRADES, GIR,

181. THERE WILL BE NOTHING THAT YOU CANNOT FIND,

182. NO SITUATION THAT YOU CANNOT GUIDE US OUT OF.

183. BEEEEES!

184. NOW, IF WE COULD JUST WORK ON YOUR BEHAVIOR.

185. AW, MY BEES.

186. YOU NOW POSSESS SUPERIOR GEOGRAPHIC GUIDANCE ABILITIES, GIR.

187. FINALLY.

188. REPORT UPGRADE STATUS.

189. SIR, GUIDANCE CHIP IN PLACE AND FULLY FUNCTIONAL, SIR.

190. DEMONSTRATE. WHICH WAY IS— THE SCHOOL?

191. GOOD, GIR.

192. NOW, SOMETHING TOUGHER.

193. WHERE IS PLANET BLORCH?

194. EXCELLENT.

195. NOW, WHERE IS OUR HOME PLANET IRK?

196. PERFECT.

197. OK, GIR, I THINK A FIELD TEST IS IN ORDER.

198. LET'S GO INTO THE NEARBY CITY

199. AND GET AS LOST AS WE CAN.

200. GIR, NO CHEATING.

201. SHUT YOUR CHIP OFF FIRST.

202. DO WE HAVE TO GO RIGHT NOW?

203. I WANNA WATCH THE SCARY MONKEY SHOW.

204. THAT MONKEY.

205. AS SOON AS WE'RE LOST ENOUGH,

206. YOU JUST USE THE CHIP TO GUIDE US HOME.

207. NOW, PUT YOUR DISGUISE BACK ON.

208. I HAVE DEVISED A NEW,

209. EVEN MORE INSIDIOUSLY CLEVER DISGUISE FOR MYSELF.

210. BE ALERT, GIR.

211. ON THIS PLANET,

212. WE ARE SURROUNDED BY DANGER AND MADNESS!

213. I LIKE MADNESS.

214. MADNESS!

215. OK, I THINK I'VE HAD MY FILL OF THESE HORRIBLE

216. STINK PEOPLE THINGS FOR TODAY!

217. SO ACTIVATE YOUR GUIDANCE CHIP

218. AND LEAD THE WAY TO HOME.

219. HA HA HA HA.

220. NO. NO, GIR, NOT IRK.

221. I MEANT OUR HOME BASE HERE ON EARTH.

222. OH, HERE.

223. OUR HOUSE, GIR!

224. WHICH DIRECTION IS OUR HOUSE?

225. UM... THAT WAY.

226. NO, WAIT. UM...

227. IT'S OVER THERE.

228. HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW?

229. I JUST UPGRADED YOUR GUIDANCE SYSTEM.

230. OH, I LEFT THAT AT HOME.

231. YOU LEFT WHAT AT HOME?

232. THE GUIDEY CHIPPY THINGY.

233. YOU?

234. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

235. TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE CUPCAKE.

236. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?

237. YOU'VE LEFT US STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE

238. OF THE ENEMY TERRITORY,

239. SURROUNDED BY HUMANS!

240. I CAN SEE THAT YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR MISTAKE, GIR,

241. AND ME BEING ANGRY WILL GET US NO CLOSER TO HOME.

242. I WILL JUST HAVE TO USE MY INNATE

243. INVADER SURVIVAL SKILLS TO GET US OUT OF HERE.

244. SEE, GIR, THE ALMIGHTY TALLEST

245. HAVE NOT PLACED THEIR TRUST IN ME WITHOUT REASON.

246. I MISS YOU, CUPCAKE.

247. I WILL USE THESE PIECES OF SCRAP METAL TO FASHION A COMPASS,

248. USING THIS PLANET'S OWN MAGNETIC FIELD AGAINST IT.

249. NOW, WITNESS THE POWER OF MY COMPASS.

250. AW, IT LIKES ME.

251. PERHAPS A COMPASS IS NOT THE BEST TOOL FOR THIS SITUATION.

252. WHY DON'T WE ASK THE INFORMATION HUMANS FOR HELP?

253. I WILL NOT STOOP AS LOW AS TO ASK

254. THE HUMANS FOR HELP.

255. YOU SPEAK NONSENSE, GIR.

256. WE HELP OURSELVES.

257. WHAT... ABOUT... THE... BUS?

258. EXCELLENT, GIR!

259. WE WILL USE ONE OF THEIR OWN METHODS OF TRANSPORTATION

260. TO BEAT THIS REVOLTING CITY.

261. Bus driver: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

262. I GO HOME. NOW MIND YOUR BUSINESS, BUS-SLAVE.

263. YOU DON'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT BUS FARE.

264. FARE?

265. THIS AIN'T A FREE RIDE, LITTLE MAN.

266. YOU NEED MONEY.

267. YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY TO BE ON THIS FILTHY MACHINE?

268. HAVE YOU THE BRAIN WORMS?

269. AAAHHH!

270. FINE! I DON'T NEED YOUR BUS!

271. I WILL USE THE POWER OF YOUR SUN TO FIND MY WAY.

272. WEIRDO.

273. ARE WE GONNA RIDE THE SUN HOME?

274. NO, GIR!

275. I CAN USE THE EARTH'S SUN TO DETERMINE WHICH DIRECTION IS WEST.

276. THE EARTH'S SUN ALWAYS SETS IN THE WEST.

277. NOW, WATCH ME AMAZE YOU.

278. HMM! MM-MM.

279. MMMM.

280. WAIT A MINUTE.

281. I'M BLIND!

282. NO! NO NO!

283. AH! AH! NO!

284. THEY'VE BOOBY TRAPPED THEIR SUN SOMEHOW!

285. A MINOR SETBACK, GIR.

286. WE'LL BE HOME IN NO TIME.

287. I'LL JUST WAIT UNTIL THE SKIN GROWS BACK ON MY EYEBALLS.

288. GIR!

289. I CAN SEE.

290. I CAN SEE!

291. NOW WE CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO ESCAPE THIS FILTHY PLACE.

292. GET A JOB, YOU BUM!

293. THAT'S IT! IF WE CAN FIND A JOB,

294. WE CAN MAKE MONEY.

295. WITH THIS MONEY,

296. WE CAN RIDE THE BUS.

297. I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU, CITY.

298. YOU WON'T MAKE A FOOL OF THIS IRKEN INVADER!

299. I'M GONNA EAT A RAT!

300. FINALLY, WE ARE HEADING HOME.

301. I SMELL DOOKIE.

302. EEK.

303. I CANNOT STAY ON THIS BUS ANY LONGER!

304. FREAK.

305. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

306. THIS PLACE IS JUST BEGGING TO BE DESTROYED.

307. WOO! I LIKE DESTROYING.

308. GIR... I HAVE A PLAN.

309. OCULAR IMPLANTS ARE STANDARD INVADER ISSUE.

310. FROM THE TOP OF THAT BUILDING,

311. MY INCREDIBLE EYES SHOULD BE ABLE

312. TO SPOT OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

313. COME ON.

314. 'KAY.

315. ICE CREAM!

316. SOMEBODY BUY IT!

317. ICE CREAM. I GOT ICE CREAM.

318. OH!

319. IT'S HIM!

320. HEY, THAT'S THE GUY!

321. AND HE'S BACK FOR...

322. MOOOOORE...!

323. GET HIM!

324. AAAHHH!

325. AAAHHH!

326. OK, NOW, WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

327. THERE! THAT LOOKS ABOUT RIGHT.

328. NOW, GIR, USE YOUR JETS TO FLY US HOME.

329. YES, SIR!

330. AAAAAAHHHHH!

331. WHAT HAPPENED? HOW DID YOU RUN OUT OF FUEL THAT QUICKLY?

332. I EMPTIED IT OUT.

333. EMPTIED IT? WHY?

334. TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE TUNA.

335. OK.

336. HEY!

337. WHERE TO?

338. YOU THINK I WON'T BE READY.

339. BUT YOU'RE WRONG, PRESUMPTUOUS CAB-BEAST.

340. I HAVE PREPARED MYSELF FOR THIS MOMENT,

341. AND IT HAS PAID OFF IN FULL!

342. YOU SEE, THE INVADERS LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES,

343. HOWEVER RARE THEY MAY BE.

344. NOW, HUMAN, TAKE ME TO—THAT WAY!

345. AND QUICKLY.

346. IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED,

347. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GO HOME!

348. BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND NICKELODEON

349. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—