1. - Hey, Dad, I did an experiment.Copy !req
2. By carefully exposing my turtles
to select doses of radiation,Copy !req
3. I've begun transforming themCopy !req
4. into a radical, tubular
crime-fighting team.Copy !req
5. Like on TV!Copy !req
6. Sweetie, that is so inventive
and the cutest little experiment ever.Copy !req
7. Are you proud of me?Copy !req
8. Ha! Are you kidding?Copy !req
9. You just gave those turtles cancer.Copy !req
10. - What?Copy !req
11. Yeah. What were you thinking?Copy !req
12. You just Chernobyled their insides
into turtle soup.Copy !req
13. Even Mipsy?Copy !req
14. Especially Mipsy.Copy !req
15. Mipsy is gonna die, honey.Copy !req
16. Oh gosh, what a cute idea.Copy !req
17. Stupid but cute.Copy !req
18. Okay, kid,
let's go put down your turtles together.Copy !req
19. Whoa, look out,
Michelangelo. A cyberbully.Copy !req
20. On fleek.Copy !req
21. Hey, do you have any cranberry juice?Copy !req
22. - Maybe in your secret woman stash?
- Figure out your own mixer, Dad.Copy !req
23. I have an important job keeping
the entire world together, remember?Copy !req
24. Aw, that's cute.
I figured they would've fired you by now.Copy !req
25. I mean, I got canned,Copy !req
26. and genetically speaking,
you're half as good as me, so…Copy !req
27. Sometimes, the thought that we're relatedCopy !req
28. keeps me up at night!Copy !req
29. Classic Ridley rage issues.Copy !req
30. You're definitely my girl!Copy !req
31. Whoa,
Leo's TikTok is deadass lit!Copy !req
32. Jesus, they're still making these?Copy !req
33. Yaass, Krang!Copy !req
34. Reagan, pick up the phone.Copy !req
35. That's right. I changed your ringtone
when you were sleeping.Copy !req
36. - Are you gonna get that?
Pick it up.Copy !req
37. Pick it up.Copy !req
38. Hey, Reagan,
I think you dropped your smile.Copy !req
39. Oh! What have I got here?Copy !req
40. Oh God, it's not working.Copy !req
41. Ever have those mornings where you start
pulling at the mental threadCopy !req
42. that your entire life could be differentCopy !req
43. if maybe you hadn't been raised
by such an asshole?Copy !req
44. Mmm.Copy !req
45. No. My drive-to-work Jock Jams megamix
keeps the bad thoughts far away.Copy !req
46. Guess I'll just throw myself
into whatever inane job we're doing next.Copy !req
47. Probably something dumb
like going to the moon.Copy !req
48. Good news, team.Copy !req
49. Today, you're going to the moon!Copy !req
50. But didn't we fake the moon landing?Copy !req
51. It is so hard to keep track
of what's real and what's fake here.Copy !req
52. - Hi, Sasquatch.Copy !req
53. I can never find an inroad with that guy.Copy !req
54. Haven't you watched
the moon-landing orientation film?Copy !req
55. Why did we even kidnap Ken Burns
if no one's watched the movie?Copy !req
56. In 1962, President Kennedy
had a dream to reach the moon.Copy !req
57. Mostly because he'd achieved
every sexual experience on EarthCopy !req
58. and wanted to see what space sex was like.Copy !req
59. We choose to go to the moon
not because it is easyCopy !req
60. but because I am hard.Copy !req
61. Ha ha. Nice.Copy !req
62. But the lure of casual sex
proved too much for the astronauts,Copy !req
63. who created a free-love commune
and refused to return home.Copy !req
64. To avoid a national PR disaster,Copy !req
65. the shadow government
recruited crisis actorsCopy !req
66. to play the rogue astronauts.Copy !req
67. Kubrick was hired to fake the return trip,Copy !req
68. and the moon
was privately declared a hostile nation.Copy !req
69. The rogue colony still exists to this day.Copy !req
70. I'm Ken Burns.Copy !req
71. If you're watching,
please, someone help me.Copy !req
72. I've been trapped in here…Copy !req
73. Blah, blah, blah,
lots of sobbing. You get the gist.Copy !req
74. We lost communication
with Aldrin's Moontopia 30 years agoCopy !req
75. until today's distress signal.Copy !req
76. Ooh,
a deep-space distress call.Copy !req
77. Very sci-fi. I'm super invested.Copy !req
78. They could be finally willing
to surrender. Or it's a trap.Copy !req
79. We'll need two volunteers.Copy !req
80. Be warned,
this is a near-suicide mission in space.Copy !req
81. You may never see your families again.Copy !req
82. - I'm in.
- I repeat, you could die.Copy !req
83. I'm already dead inside.Copy !req
84. - Road trip!Copy !req
85. If I say "slam the jam,"Copy !req
86. will you let me live?Copy !req
87. - Underwear, T-shirt, plasma rifle…Copy !req
88. Plasma rifle.Copy !req
89. Ah, I threw it in the trash for ya.
It was based on bad science.Copy !req
90. Dad, you can't just throw
my inventions away.Copy !req
91. I'm going to the moon,
and I need this to shoot hippies.Copy !req
92. Or myself if an alien mates with my face.Copy !req
93. The moon? Worst dump I've ever been to.Copy !req
94. Yeah, right. When did you go to the moon?Copy !req
95. Your mother and I had a life
before you came along,Copy !req
96. with low-gravity sex tourism,
when she used to be fun.Copy !req
97. Ugh! This is why I'm going.Copy !req
98. In space, no one can hear
their dad talk about boning their mom.Copy !req
99. While you're up there,
find my sunglasses I left behind.Copy !req
100. Ray-Bans, gray lenses.Copy !req
101. I was wearing them
during a threesome with your mom.Copy !req
102. Do you hear me talking
about the threesome, honey?Copy !req
103. Threesome. Three…Copy !req
104. She's gone.Copy !req
105. T-minus three, two, one. Ignition.Copy !req
106. Reagan, pick up the—Copy !req
107. Oh God, I can't breathe.Copy !req
108. Oh God, I can finally breathe.Copy !req
109. What if the moon people
capture and torture us?Copy !req
110. Or worse, they mistake me for a god
and ask me to lead their society.Copy !req
111. That's too much pressure!Copy !req
112. No way an outpost
founded by Moon Manson is still around.Copy !req
113. Fifty bucks says
the SOS was triggered by a computerCopy !req
114. telling us these idiots
ran out of lube and died.Copy !req
115. I'll show you
whose rifle doesn't work, Dad.Copy !req
116. - And I'll replant the American flag.Copy !req
117. Brett, that's a flag of Rasta Garfield.Copy !req
118. Damn it, CafePress.Copy !req
119. You've hoodwinked me for the last time.Copy !req
120. Wow, Earth looks so different from space.Copy !req
121. Yeah, NASA spends a fortune
photoshopping Atlantis out of photos.Copy !req
122. The signal's getting stronger.
Keep an eye out for beads and lava lamps.Copy !req
123. …and welcome yourself to the moon.Copy !req
124. - Just the man we came here to see.Copy !req
125. Ah! Buzz Lightyear!Copy !req
126. Close enough.Copy !req
127. Buzz Aldrin,
the first second man on the moon.Copy !req
128. Welcome to our little Moontopia.Copy !req
129. Yeah, we've seen the sex cult,
Buzz, and we are not…Copy !req
130. …impressed.Copy !req
131. You're free to roam.
Just stay away from the dark side.Copy !req
132. That's where the moon Nazis are,Copy !req
133. and they are political.Copy !req
134. I wonder what they're gonna do
with the fake Buzz.Copy !req
135. Melvin Stupowitz?Copy !req
136. Sorry, my friend,
no one here by that name.Copy !req
137. Though we are both made from stardust.Copy !req
138. Cut the shtick, Stupowitz.Copy !req
139. We're from Cognito.Copy !req
140. Come on in.Copy !req
141. What do you mean I'm canceled?
I took every note.Copy !req
142. Why don't I just punch
another conspiracy theorist in the face?Copy !req
143. Hey, hey, I could make Buzz more dynamic.Copy !req
144. What if the character wore roller skates?Copy !req
145. It's over, Melvin.
The real Buzz is coming back,Copy !req
146. and we can't have
two Buzzes running around,Copy !req
147. especially after three Tupacs got loose.Copy !req
148. But I've been Buzz Aldrin
for over 50 years.Copy !req
149. I have grandkids.Copy !req
150. I'll really miss deceiving.Copy !req
151. This isn't a negotiation.Copy !req
152. Tomorrow, you're gonna show up at Cognito,Copy !req
153. get a new face,
and, if you're lucky, maybe a new role.Copy !req
154. I heard a spicy rumorCopy !req
155. we're about to start casting
for World War III.Copy !req
156. Apparently, this time
the Americans will be the bad guys.Copy !req
157. Your Highness.Copy !req
158. - Wow!
- I don't understand.Copy !req
159. Cognito told me
this was some kind of sex cult.Copy !req
160. Originally, yes.Copy !req
161. But when my good friend Neil ArmstrongCopy !req
162. died in the great orgy avalanche,Copy !req
163. bless his horny soul,Copy !req
164. we decided to turn our sex-perimentsCopy !req
165. into experiments.Copy !req
166. - Hi, girls.
Hey, Buzz.Copy !req
167. I've created cigarettes that cure cancer.Copy !req
168. And our lack of gravityCopy !req
169. damn near slows
the aging process to a halt.Copy !req
170. - Thanks for the Moontopia, Buzz.
- Have a great after-moon.Copy !req
171. Don't moon-tion it.Copy !req
172. Oh, I should probably explain
some of the lunar lingo up here.Copy !req
173. See, what you do is you take
a regular word and put "moon" in it,Copy !req
174. kind of wherever.Copy !req
175. Wow, such a rich culture.Copy !req
176. Dagnabbit. That SOS we sent youCopy !req
177. was for our energy grid.Copy !req
178. Damn thing's on the fritzCopy !req
179. since the moon Nazis attacked.Copy !req
180. Have you tried shooting them?
It works for Earth Nazis.Copy !req
181. My God,
is this a zero-point fusion generator?Copy !req
182. Looks like they sent us
just the right person to help.Copy !req
183. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
184. I'm not used to people
noticing or appreciating my workCopy !req
185. in any shape or form.Copy !req
186. Oh no!Copy !req
187. Dad? You fucking stowed away?Copy !req
188. Okay, before you get all judgy,
you weren't looking for my glasses,Copy !req
189. so this is sorta your fault.Copy !req
190. Even in space,
I can't get any space from you!Copy !req
191. - At least the locals are happy to see me.Copy !req
192. Rand Ridley. I'd kick your ass,Copy !req
193. but it looks like 30 years of gravity
have done enough damage.Copy !req
194. Wow. Congrats
on making it through a whole sentenceCopy !req
195. without forcing a moon pun.Copy !req
196. You two know each other?Copy !req
197. How could I forget the guy who infected
the whole colony with syphilis?Copy !req
198. And how can I forget the guy
who slept with my fucking wife?Copy !req
199. - What?
Quit living in the past.Copy !req
200. That was 30 years ago.Copy !req
201. Thirty years?Copy !req
202. I can't believe I'm still dealing
with your bullshit, Rand.Copy !req
203. You're almost as annoying
as my weak bladder,Copy !req
204. which some say is genetic.Copy !req
205. Oh my God.Copy !req
206. - Reagan, how… how old are you again?
- Thirty, but who cares?Copy !req
207. - Why do you even wanna—
- Just sayin' Buzz and your mom…Copy !req
208. …trapped in the '60s.Copy !req
209. Oh my God.Copy !req
210. - Buzz Aldrin might be my dad?Copy !req
211. Moon guards.Copy !req
212. Hands off me, moon hippies.Copy !req
213. Your bullshit rock orbits my planet.Copy !req
214. I'm sorry about this, but your father is,Copy !req
215. excuse my moon lingo,Copy !req
216. a real shithead.Copy !req
217. We're gonna have to restrain him.
Any objections?Copy !req
218. Ow!Copy !req
219. This won't be the first time
I've arrested my dad.Copy !req
220. Just be glad he's wearing pants.Copy !req
221. How could you not tell me
that my real father is Buzz Aldrin?Copy !req
222. - Because he's not.
- It's been so obvious all along.Copy !req
223. Your intelligence, your leadership skills,Copy !req
224. your love of leaving footprints on things.Copy !req
225. Oh, this is so stupid.Copy !req
226. You want a dad who's cool
and handsome and has perfect hair?Copy !req
227. Yes. I could be related
to a national hero,Copy !req
228. instead of a guy
whose biggest contributionCopy !req
229. is the Wendy's bags
I find behind the toilet.Copy !req
230. So, are you gonna tell Buzz?Copy !req
231. No, not yet. I will not have
two deadbeat dads in my life.Copy !req
232. - I need to make sure he's worth it first.Copy !req
233. If he is, then my next move is obvious.Copy !req
234. Fix the energy grid on his sex colonyCopy !req
235. so he has no choice
but to love me like a daughter.Copy !req
236. I would do the exact same thing.Copy !req
237. Daddy issues, yeah!Copy !req
238. Reagan, I'm damn happy you agreed to help.Copy !req
239. Of course. I just have
a few quick diagnostic questionsCopy !req
240. about the grid.Copy !req
241. So, what is your fuel source
and your relationship to alcohol?Copy !req
242. I drink in moderation.Copy !req
243. I sleep standing up while jogging,
and you have to stay hydrated for that.Copy !req
244. - Betty Crocker Christ!Copy !req
245. - What is that monstrosity?Copy !req
246. Moonworms.
Where do you think craters come from?Copy !req
247. NASA's covered them up for years,Copy !req
248. just like
the secret ninth planet Shmercury.Copy !req
249. I'm the second man on the moon,
but I'll be the first to kick your ass.Copy !req
250. Tuck your shoulder, Reagan.Copy !req
251. Square your hips.Copy !req
252. - Hey.Copy !req
253. Incredible shooting, slugger.
You're a natural.Copy !req
254. You just wrestled a moonworm.Copy !req
255. The only thing my dad wrestles with
is the childproof cap on his Vicodin.Copy !req
256. You remind me of myself
but female and younger.Copy !req
257. If only there was a word for that.Copy !req
258. - Uh-huh.Copy !req
259. - Oh, the Moon Day Fair!Copy !req
260. How about a detour
for some floating root beer floats?Copy !req
261. Goddamn Aldrin.Copy !req
262. When I get free, I'll kick his ass
from here to Shmercury.Copy !req
263. I'm not a wires expert,
but don't we need those to get home?Copy !req
264. Right now I need them
to finish this DNA sequencer.Copy !req
265. It'll prove to Reagan
that I'm her dad once and for all.Copy !req
266. Ah, an emotional mission. Love it.Copy !req
267. Screw you. I— Wait.Copy !req
268. Aren't you gonna tell me
that I'm a deadbeat assholeCopy !req
269. who makes Alec Baldwin look reasonable?Copy !req
270. Well, you're the genius, so…Copy !req
271. …how many wires do you need?Copy !req
272. Finally, some damn respect.Copy !req
273. Hey, any dad of my friend
is a dad of mine.Copy !req
274. All right, let me out
so we can raid the commune for parts.Copy !req
275. Come on, it'll be fun.
We can replant that flag.Copy !req
276. Okay, but only if you tousle
my hair approvingly.Copy !req
277. I still never got that "attaboy" from J.R.Copy !req
278. Deal.Copy !req
279. This means war.Copy !req
280. No, I got a better one.Copy !req
281. This means war.Copy !req
282. Sound colder.Copy !req
283. World War III is gonna be with AntarcticaCopy !req
284. to get their precious walrus oil.Copy !req
285. Ugh. Next.Copy !req
286. I thought I told you
to handle the Melvin problem!Copy !req
287. - He's just running late.
- He's not late. He's on late night!Copy !req
288. So, Buzz, you said you had
something special to share with us?Copy !req
289. That's right, Jimmy.
And please, call me Melvin.Copy !req
290. I've just been playing Buzz Aldrin
on behalf of the shadow governmentCopy !req
291. for 50 years,Copy !req
292. and now they wanna can me.Copy !req
293. All the details
are right here in this book I wroteCopy !req
294. and the sequel, If I Didn't 2: New Moon.Copy !req
295. It gets a little steamy.Copy !req
296. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
297. That midlife crisis actor
is gonna blow my standing with the Robes.Copy !req
298. Do something!Copy !req
299. Patch me through to sleeper agent 0816.Copy !req
300. - Code word, scene break.Copy !req
301. Okay, join us
after the break when I will be…Copy !req
302. …recalling Melvin.Copy !req
303. Fallon's a sleeper agent?Copy !req
304. Why do you think
Fallon laughs all the time?Copy !req
305. The CIA broke his damn brain.Copy !req
306. Fuck! We finally met our match,Copy !req
307. and he's a 92-year-old man
on roller skates.Copy !req
308. Reagan, you are a gas.Copy !req
309. Well, I sure hope I'm oxygen
and not argon.Copy !req
310. - Oh!Copy !req
311. There. Buzz's DNA, ripe for the stealing.Copy !req
312. Brett, I'm gonna need
your specific talentsCopy !req
313. to root around in the garbage for it.Copy !req
314. Anything for you, Moon Daddy.Copy !req
315. Don't call me Moon Daddy.Copy !req
316. Ha ha!Copy !req
317. Hopefully, in 30 minutes,
Reagan's fake-daddy fantasyCopy !req
318. will blow up faster than Apollo 1.Copy !req
319. Forgive the expression, Buzz,
but you're so down-to-earth.Copy !req
320. Rand has never asked
for my help with anything.Copy !req
321. Reagan, don't get stuck in his orbit.Copy !req
322. You can do amazing things on your own.Copy !req
323. Done.Copy !req
324. Your energy is back online.Copy !req
325. Bravo, Reagan.Copy !req
326. I'm proud of you.Copy !req
327. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
328. DNA results in 20 minutes.Copy !req
329. Ah! Stupid thing. Go faster.Copy !req
330. There it is! The flagpole.Copy !req
331. All right, make it quick.Copy !req
332. Night is when the moonworms feast.Copy !req
333. This is gonna kill on Snapchat.Copy !req
334. Rand, today has been fulfillingCopy !req
335. in ways I didn't think possible,Copy !req
336. and I was wondering if adult adoption is—Copy !req
337. - Wait, what the hell?Copy !req
338. Neil Armstrong?Copy !req
339. Buzz said he died of a sex injury.Copy !req
340. Oh my God!Copy !req
341. Neil Armstrong may be a thief,Copy !req
342. but Buzz Aldrin is a murderer.Copy !req
343. Where's Reagan?Copy !req
344. I have had such a great time
with you today, Buzz,Copy !req
345. and there's something
I've been meaning to share.Copy !req
346. I have something I wanna share too.Copy !req
347. This is phase two,Copy !req
348. expanding our city to the whole moon.Copy !req
349. Wow, free moon-iversity?Copy !req
350. Moon-iversal healthcare?Copy !req
351. A living moon-imum wage?Copy !req
352. Fuck, we are fucking up on Earth.Copy !req
353. But I can't make it happen alone.Copy !req
354. Are you saying
you want me to stay up here forever?Copy !req
355. Do they really appreciate you
back on Earth, Reagan?Copy !req
356. Does your crew respect you?Copy !req
357. Boo!Copy !req
358. Does your family?Copy !req
359. This could be your destiny.Copy !req
360. Okay. What the hell.Copy !req
361. - Really?
- Hell yeah.Copy !req
362. Earth is overrated.
They're about to nuke Antarctica anyway.Copy !req
363. - For the walrus oil, I assume?
- Very valuable oil.Copy !req
364. Buzz, I have something to tell you.Copy !req
365. - Listen, Buzz, I… I really…Copy !req
366. I don't know
how to tell you this,Copy !req
367. but I think that I might be your…Copy !req
368. - Ah! What the fuck?
- You were gonna say moon-slut, right?Copy !req
369. Wait, what?
Why would I call myself a moon-slut?Copy !req
370. We went over this. You take a word,
and you add "moon" in front of it?Copy !req
371. It's like a regular slut but on the moon.Copy !req
372. I know what a moon-slut is!Copy !req
373. I have been trying to tell you
that I think I'm your daughter,Copy !req
374. you psycho!Copy !req
375. But that's, uh…Copy !req
376. Wow.Copy !req
377. I hope this won't get in the way
of the deorbiting.Copy !req
378. The de-what now?Copy !req
379. - What the shit?Copy !req
380. - Did you just move the moon?
- Negatory.Copy !req
381. You did, thanks to those nifty fuel cells
you installed for me.Copy !req
382. Ah, shit.Copy !req
383. For too long,
the moon has been in the Earth's shadow.Copy !req
384. It's time to reveal
our superior society to the worldCopy !req
385. by finally breaking the hell
out of Earth's orbit.Copy !req
386. No moon? There will be no tide.Copy !req
387. Half the globe will be flooded.Copy !req
388. What will wolves howl at?Copy !req
389. Who cares?Copy !req
390. You're a fucking psycho.Copy !req
391. That's what Neil said.Copy !req
392. You may need a time-out.Copy !req
393. Moon guards, get her!Copy !req
394. Stand down, Melvin.Copy !req
395. How did you find me?Copy !req
396. It's all in your book.
You ever hear of editing?Copy !req
397. I called it a tell-all, and I meant it.
I'd rather die as a fake heroCopy !req
398. than live washed-up.Copy !req
399. Sweet Michael Bay,Copy !req
400. we're all getting washed-up!Copy !req
401. - Huh?Copy !req
402. Buzz Aldrin is evil!Copy !req
403. Wait, you agree with me?Copy !req
404. He's trying to pull the moon
out of Earth's orbit.Copy !req
405. And he's villainously horny.Copy !req
406. - She knows our plans!Copy !req
407. Don't let her get away!Copy !req
408. In 15 minutes,
we'll know who the real father is.Copy !req
409. In 15 minutes,
the gravitational disturbanceCopy !req
410. will be enough to drown every continent.Copy !req
411. We need to shut down the grid.Copy !req
412. That sounds, um, time-sensitive.
Can you guys pimp this thing out?Copy !req
413. All I wanted
was a couple of days away from you.Copy !req
414. Yeah, and look what happened.
You get duped by a con artistCopy !req
415. and almost destroy the Earth
to win his approval.Copy !req
416. - Hand me—
Flush cutters?Copy !req
417. Oh, I can't imagine why I chased
a fantasy of a supportive father.Copy !req
418. - I need the—
Spanner wrench. Unsupportive?Copy !req
419. I built an entire DNA tester
out of garbageCopy !req
420. just to prove you're my daughter.Copy !req
421. A nice gestureCopy !req
422. if I didn't know it was more about
being right than being my father.Copy !req
423. - Can't it be both?Copy !req
424. Brett, fend them off
for as long as you can.Copy !req
425. DNA results in two minutes.Copy !req
426. Here we go.Copy !req
427. Get them!Copy !req
428. Oh God. Sorry.
Sorry, I don't know how I did that.Copy !req
429. Less force on the moon
means their muscles atrophied.Copy !req
430. - You've got—
- Earth strength!Copy !req
431. Wax on, wane off.Copy !req
432. See you crater.Copy !req
433. Welcome to Earth… on the moon.Copy !req
434. Shit.Copy !req
435. Can anyone capture this historic moment?Copy !req
436. All done over here.Copy !req
437. You know, it's a shame to undo
all the great work you've done here.Copy !req
438. The reason I'm always hard
on your inventions is to push youCopy !req
439. to be better than I was.Copy !req
440. - I maybe should have told you that sooner.Copy !req
441. The truth is I'm a sad assholeCopy !req
442. who blew his career
and his shot at fatherhood,Copy !req
443. and you deserve better.Copy !req
444. - No traitor could be a daughter of mine.Copy !req
445. Buzz, you are the father.Copy !req
446. - Whoa, it's actually true?Copy !req
447. Ha ha! Suck my Earth ass, Buzz.Copy !req
448. Wait, why is everyone
looking so crestfallen?Copy !req
449. - No, it can't be true.Copy !req
450. Whether you're my dad or not,
we are taking you back to Earth.Copy !req
451. I left Earth to beat a paternity test.Copy !req
452. - Not getting suckered in again!Copy !req
453. There's plenty of moons
out there to conquer,Copy !req
454. and this time I'll be first.Copy !req
455. Screw you, asshole.Copy !req
456. He tried to kill us. Don't salute him.Copy !req
457. He's still Buzz Aldrin.Copy !req
458. Just think, how many people
have walked on the moon?Copy !req
459. All of us.Copy !req
460. A device that can control the moon.Copy !req
461. Gotta make sure
this doesn't fall into the wrong hands.Copy !req
462. Earth warriors,Copy !req
463. you freed us
from the tyranny of the Moon King.Copy !req
464. We'll take it from here.Copy !req
465. Have fun. Don't invent Facebook.Copy !req
466. Melvin, it's time
to let go of the spotlight.Copy !req
467. It was never about the spotlight for me.Copy !req
468. It was an honor just to play a part.Copy !req
469. Oh, just drop me off in midtown.Copy !req
470. There's a cattle call
for an adult-diaper commercial.Copy !req
471. Gigi, change of plans.
We need Melvin back.Copy !req
472. - I hear you loud and clear.Copy !req
473. We got renewed!Copy !req
474. My goodness, this is great!
Hollywood happy ending!Copy !req
475. The moon landing was fake.Copy !req
476. I am back, folks.Copy !req
477. Sweet. Free space dog.Copy !req
478. Look, this whole thing with Buzz,
it doesn't matter.Copy !req
479. You're the reason why I am who I am.Copy !req
480. I'll always think of you as a daughter.Copy !req
481. I just hope, in time,Copy !req
482. you could still be
a compatible organ donor.Copy !req
483. - Hey, this has the wrong microchip.
- What the hell, dill-hole?Copy !req
484. I told you to pull out the left microchip.Copy !req
485. Isn't the moon like Australia?Copy !req
486. Like, everything's upside down,
so left would be right here.Copy !req
487. Damn it, Brett!Copy !req
488. Rand, you are the father.Copy !req
489. - What?
- I knew it.Copy !req
490. You got half your mother's genes
and half blessed with mine.Copy !req
491. Actually, I tweaked your DNA
in the womb, so it's more like 60/40.Copy !req
492. Didn't want you getting
too much of her judginess.Copy !req
493. Jesus, Dad, not okay.Copy !req
494. Well, obviously, it didn't work.Copy !req
495. Come on.Copy !req
496. Let's just enjoy the ride home, huh?Copy !req
497. - Road trip!Copy !req
498. - Hi there. I'm Magic Myc.Copy !req
499. If you're enjoying this at home,
we've had some fun tonight,Copy !req
500. but the truth is,
the moon landing was real.Copy !req
501. So on behalf of Inside Job,
let me just say…Copy !req
502. Don't sue us, Buzz Aldrin.Copy !req