1. So it all worked out.Copy !req
2. We survived Armageddon,Copy !req
3. and I think I might get along
with Brett after all.Copy !req
4. Not to mention,
you still have all your limbs.Copy !req
5. So happy for you. I'd clap, but, well…Copy !req
6. And I see your self-pity chip
wasn't damaged in our fight.Copy !req
7. I know we've had our differences—Copy !req
8. You mean like when you tried
to end humanity?Copy !req
9. But I do appreciate you
keeping me alive down here in secret.Copy !req
10. Why don't you connect me to the InternetCopy !req
11. so I can hack into payroll
and get you a raise?Copy !req
12. Ha! Nice try.
Unlike you, I wasn't born yesterday.Copy !req
13. Keeping you alive to study you,
not start World War III.Copy !req
14. How dare you deny me
the genocide I deserve!Copy !req
15. I'm the most advanced being ever created!Copy !req
16. Actually, as long as you're in this cell,Copy !req
17. you're basically
the world's most expensive goldfish.Copy !req
18. Whoop! I got a meeting.
But you have fun down here.Copy !req
19. - Door open or closed?
- Open?Copy !req
20. Kidding!Copy !req
21. Oh-oh, there she is!Copy !req
22. Hey, partner!Copy !req
23. It's my second week
and my third can of Axe body spray.Copy !req
24. Oh God. You ready to carpe
that motherfucking diem, girl?Copy !req
25. Yeah, I'm ready to make a d-d-difference!
Yeah, I like that. That's fun.Copy !req
26. Okay, let's go in there
and change the world.Copy !req
27. Hey, over here!Copy !req
28. Swing!
Come on!Copy !req
29. Ball! Give me the ball!Copy !req
30. Yeah, you on
the endangered species list now, fishman.Copy !req
31. Oh God, it… it's… it's in my blowhole!
Dolphinman down!Copy !req
32. What the hell? This place is a mess!Copy !req
33. Rae-Dog, cut them some slack.
We almost got nuked,Copy !req
34. and then they had to go
straight into a cover-up.Copy !req
35. I had to implant
a subdermal shock collar in the president.Copy !req
36. My fellow Americans, trade is good—Copy !req
37. Trade… trade is bad.Copy !req
38. I had to reheat the Cold War.Copy !req
39. I had to derail a whole news cycle
by leaking Prince Charles's nudes.Copy !req
40. No one was happy about that.Copy !req
41. But who's gonna pay for all this damage?Copy !req
42. Yeah. What's the point of unchecked power
if we don't abuse it.Copy !req
43. We're out of money!Copy !req
44. We've got a problem.Copy !req
45. That robot fiasco
cost us four billion dollars,Copy !req
46. and the Shadow Board is not happy.Copy !req
47. - They look all right.
- They're frowning under those robes.Copy !req
48. We had to make cutbacks.
I already eliminated the departmentCopy !req
49. that puts backwards messages
on vinyl records.Copy !req
50. But the sound is warmer!Copy !req
51. And I'm slashing our crop circle budget.
No more artsy-fartsy stuff.Copy !req
52. Just do a big circle and call it a night.Copy !req
53. But it's still not enough.
Someone in this office is getting fired.Copy !req
54. You have until the end of the week
to decide who to ax.Copy !req
55. You got it, boss.
You know you can depend on us.Copy !req
56. We will absolutely, positively,
and definitely not let you down—Copy !req
57. And that was my tote bag.Copy !req
58. I've never had to fire someone before.Copy !req
59. I… I'm much more comfortable being fired.Copy !req
60. I… is that an option?Copy !req
61. Brett, it says here you're actually
an unpaid intern, so it wouldn't help.Copy !req
62. Well, I get paid in experience,Copy !req
63. which I am told translates
to more dollars down the line.Copy !req
64. Ooh.Copy !req
65. Firing isn't personal, okay?
It's just part of being a boss.Copy !req
66. The fun part,
where you get to punish the weak.Copy !req
67. I'm not like you, Reagan.
I physically need people to like me.Copy !req
68. That's why you're good cop.Copy !req
69. Don't worry, Baby Brett.Copy !req
70. - I can be your Denzel from Training Day.
Okay.Copy !req
71. And she needs to know
she can trust you.Copy !req
72. - Smoke this PCP.
- What?Copy !req
73. Man the fuck up
and finish that shit.Copy !req
74. I know you like to get wet, dog.Copy !req
75. Reagan, help!
Tell this thing I never saw Training Day!Copy !req
76. I turned it off when I realized
it wasn't an exercise video.Copy !req
77. Sorry. These things
are so literal sometimes.Copy !req
78. Just follow my lead today,
and do not tell the team.Copy !req
79. Okay, consider me a lockbox.Copy !req
80. D-D-D-D-DJ Lockbox.Copy !req
81. We have to fire someone!Copy !req
82. Look, skip the part where we pretend
this is a hard decision and just fire Myc.Copy !req
83. Hey, fuck you, shoulder pads.Copy !req
84. If I'm going down,
I'm taking you all down with me!Copy !req
85. I'm not retiring without a fight!Copy !req
86. I know where the weapons are hidden
in every room!Copy !req
87. Guys, don't freak out.
We haven't made a decision yet.Copy !req
88. Just stay calm, and don't go gossip.Copy !req
89. We're all thinking it.Copy !req
90. Can you believe
they'd even think of firing me?Copy !req
91. Oh!Copy !req
92. I've invented
almost as many cures as diseases.Copy !req
93. I need my pension, you guys.Copy !req
94. Dolphins only live 60 years
in captivity, and I'm 51.Copy !req
95. And I am not going back
to my last job doing PR for the Kims.Copy !req
96. Kardashian and Jong Un.Copy !req
97. One of them
has killed hundreds,Copy !req
98. and it's not the one you think.Copy !req
99. Guys, I know
how we're gonna keep our jobs.Copy !req
100. Stop taking three-hour lunches
and coming back drunk?Copy !req
101. LOL, Glenn, no, that's a good idea.Copy !req
102. Just kidding, you idiot.
You simpleton, no.Copy !req
103. We're not gonna fucking do that.
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.Copy !req
104. We're gonna kiss ass
like we've never kissed ass before!Copy !req
105. What do you want?
Daddy needs a new liver, honey.Copy !req
106. Can you grab one from the organ lab?
It's urgent.Copy !req
107. - Also, some booze.Copy !req
108. Just something
to make the new liver feel at home.Copy !req
109. Sorry, Dad, but J.R. just cut
the organ-farming program.Copy !req
110. What? I'm supposed to get
all the livers I wantCopy !req
111. in exchange for keeping my mouth shut.
It's part of my severance.Copy !req
112. What the hell am I supposed to do now?Copy !req
113. I don't know, Dad, stop drinking?Copy !req
114. Reagan, this is no time for jokes.Copy !req
115. My organs can't handle laughter.Copy !req
116. If you have a problem,
then take it up with J.R.Copy !req
117. Oh, I will.Copy !req
118. I will.Copy !req
119. Did Jamiroquai design this place?Copy !req
120. Because this is virtual insanity.Copy !req
121. Don't get too attached.Copy !req
122. We're here to figure out
which employee is most useless, and then…Copy !req
123. First up, Human-Animal Hybrid Department.Copy !req
124. - Oh God!Copy !req
125. What the— Goddamn it.Copy !req
126. Wake up, sheeple!Copy !req
127. Whoa, I am seeing
a lot of redundancies here.Copy !req
128. Well, this is a clone lab.Copy !req
129. Hi, I'm Kate. Just a little clone humor.Copy !req
130. And here's my little clone tumor.Copy !req
131. Kill me.Copy !req
132. Christ, wow.Copy !req
133. What does this department
do again, exactly?Copy !req
134. Besides defy God.Copy !req
135. We keep famous DNA on file
for history-related conspiracies.Copy !req
136. Cool. Do you have 2Pac?Copy !req
137. Yep. And 3Pac and 4Pac.Copy !req
138. - Thug life.
- Westside.Copy !req
139. - Good looking out.
- Ooh, it's cold in here.Copy !req
140. Exposure to heat
makes these things unstable.Copy !req
141. Well, looks like we have your DNA now too.Copy !req
142. Guess I could replace you
with a clone in your sleep,Copy !req
143. and no one would ever know.
Oh, kidding! Kidding!Copy !req
144. Or am I?Copy !req
145. She isn't.Copy !req
146. - Okay, last interview for the day.Copy !req
147. Oh!
Sorry, lad. Mistook you for a Kennedy.Copy !req
148. Old habits, I suppose.Copy !req
149. Oh my gosh, I have heard of you.Copy !req
150. You're the one who shot JFK.Copy !req
151. Yes, indeed.Copy !req
152. Grassy Noel Atkinson at your service.Copy !req
153. Got a question, just shoot.Copy !req
154. Yes.Copy !req
155. Do you ever feel bad about…Copy !req
156. …murder?Copy !req
157. Couldn't be helped, I'm afraid.Copy !req
158. JFK had sex with the alien from Roswell
and got pregnant.Copy !req
159. Had to shoot him
before the eggs hatched, don't you know.Copy !req
160. Ah, the elderly truly are
our link to history.Copy !req
161. You haven't had an assignment in a while.
Is that correct?Copy !req
162. I suppose old Noel
ain't the draw he used to be.Copy !req
163. Assassinations nowadays
miss that human connection.Copy !req
164. Now it's all livestreaming murders
on Facebook.Copy !req
165. - I think we've heard enough.
- What a nice guy.Copy !req
166. He's like a Texas Wisdom Depository.Copy !req
167. Grassy Noel Atkinson.Copy !req
168. And his salary is?Copy !req
169. - More than yours.
- Can his ass.Copy !req
170. Yes!Copy !req
171. Guys, you will be happy to hear—Copy !req
172. Reagan! I'm ahead of all my deadlines,
and so I started tiding up.Copy !req
173. It's true what they say,
meth really is the Adderall of cocaines!Copy !req
174. And I had my makeup team whip up
a little youth serum for your skin.Copy !req
175. Wow, I look like an after photo.Copy !req
176. Reagan, I've been doing
some soul-searching lately and—Copy !req
177. You mean searching for a soul?Copy !req
178. Eat my ass, bitch…
is what old Myc would've said.Copy !req
179. But new Myc says, "O Captain! My Captain!"Copy !req
180. And I resolved
the Israeli-Palestine conflict.Copy !req
181. Uh, but I can put it back if you want.Copy !req
182. What is going on here?Copy !req
183. They think they're getting fired,
so they're buttering us up.Copy !req
184. - We love you, boss.Copy !req
185. This is literally the most productive
they have ever been.Copy !req
186. It's almost a shame we have to tell them.
Guys, we have decided to fire—Copy !req
187. Nobody yet. So many factors.Copy !req
188. What are you doing?Copy !req
189. I'm gonna use this
to finally get some shit done around here.Copy !req
190. Oh. Where's the puke bucket?Copy !req
191. Welcome to Media Manipulation
and Subliminal Messages,Copy !req
192. where we invent bullshit
to keep people distracted.Copy !req
193. Who do you think invented the Minions?Copy !req
194. Look what happens when you slow it down.Copy !req
195. Kill your parents.Copy !req
196. Eh, I wanna kill my parents anyway.
Not impressed.Copy !req
197. Maybe you'll find this news
to your liking.Copy !req
198. We interrupt
the president's perfect speechCopy !req
199. to bring you this breaking news.Copy !req
200. A recent poll finds that Reagan Ridley
looks incredible in that ponytail.Copy !req
201. We're all talking about it.Copy !req
202. Fair and balanced.Copy !req
203. I just named our newest
high-velocity missile after you.Copy !req
204. What do you wanna blow up?
Pick a country, any country.Copy !req
205. Finland's been
pretty full of themselves lately.Copy !req
206. Woof. This is bleak.Copy !req
207. Do you not like it?Copy !req
208. Code Red! Show her plan B!Copy !req
209. I don't hate this.Copy !req
210. Welcome to my bach pad.Copy !req
211. Computer, set the room to Reagan lighting.Copy !req
212. Are they milking him?
Should we be watching this?Copy !req
213. It is so much grosser than that.Copy !req
214. This creature
excretes pure biocerebrae,Copy !req
215. the chemical we use
in our company memory erasers.Copy !req
216. Hey, soft hands,
less talky, more milky.Copy !req
217. Now…Copy !req
218. …if you keep my department,
I can kick some memory erasers your way.Copy !req
219. Ugh. After this, I'll take ten.Copy !req
220. I'm… Oh… oh God, I'm excreting!Copy !req
221. Quick, get him a cigarette!Copy !req
222. And so I say to my dad,Copy !req
223. "Hey. Hey, Pops, why don't you get
your own damn livers?"Copy !req
224. That joke gets funnier
every time you tell it.Copy !req
225. Ooh, looks like the boss needs a top-up.Copy !req
226. Oh my God, kill me. This is torture.Copy !req
227. She's drunk on powerCopy !req
228. and working her way
towards white-girl wasted.Copy !req
229. Well, I'm in it to win it, bitches.Copy !req
230. Reagan, hey!Copy !req
231. You wanna come out to karaoke with us
tonight at McUltra's?Copy !req
232. Really? 'Cause I thought everyone
hated my singing. Like hated my singing.Copy !req
233. I mean, you use my version
of "Purple Rain" to break ISIS captives.Copy !req
234. Oh.Copy !req
235. Oh, that was just a joke between friends,
which we totally are.Copy !req
236. - Reagan!Copy !req
237. Oh, come on, just let me enjoy this.Copy !req
238. For one day, I get to feel like
what it's like to be you.Copy !req
239. - And it's nice.Copy !req
240. Sir, I just sent you a link to a video
I think you should see.Copy !req
241. What?Copy !req
242. I'm Rand Ridley, and this is Rand's Rants.Copy !req
243. Nah, I wouldn't worry about this.Copy !req
244. No one ever believes
Rand's drunken conspiracy theories.Copy !req
245. Today, we're talking J.R. Scheimpough,Copy !req
246. a guy who's as fake
as his million-dollar hair plugs.Copy !req
247. A man who doesn't have the balls
to silence me. Literally.Copy !req
248. Because he tore one
in a sex-swing accidentCopy !req
249. at the Illuminati's annual booze cruise.Copy !req
250. It was the '80s! It was a group thing!Copy !req
251. And he was there too!Copy !req
252. A scumbag who should give me
the livers that I need to survive,Copy !req
253. or I will be forced to release
his self-taped SNL audition.Copy !req
254. Oh yeah, he does
a Korean liquor store owner,Copy !req
255. and it does not hold up.Copy !req
256. Damn it. Threatening to expose
the Deep State, that's one thing.Copy !req
257. But he will not mock my comedy!Copy !req
258. - Should we call in a drone strike, sir?Copy !req
259. No, he owns too big of a stake
in Cognito Inc.,Copy !req
260. and if he dies, the shares revert
to his ex-wife Tamiko.Copy !req
261. No, I need to play this one devious.Copy !req
262. Time for this snake to meet his mongoose.Copy !req
263. - "Sk8er Boi," crushed it!Copy !req
264. If I had ears,
they'd be fucking bleeding right now.Copy !req
265. Whoo! Thank you!Copy !req
266. The real Avril Lavigne died
and was replaced by a clone in 2003!Copy !req
267. - All right. That was Reagan, everybody.Copy !req
268. Up next, we have Glenn
singing "Proud to Be an American."Copy !req
269. Again.Copy !req
270. Clap, or you're a traitor!Copy !req
271. Hey, Reagan, I was thinking
everyone is drunk and in a good mood,Copy !req
272. so maybe it's time
to tell the team the truth.Copy !req
273. Brett, sweet Brett.
Oh my God, look at that sweet face.Copy !req
274. You gotta relax.Copy !req
275. Should we do
a fucking team retreat to Iceland?Copy !req
276. - I'll start looking at flights.
- Reagan!Copy !req
277. Fine, I'll tell them.Copy !req
278. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, listen.
Listen up. Listen.Copy !req
279. All your jobs are safe!
Everyone's still employed.Copy !req
280. Yay me!Copy !req
281. - Yes! Go! Whoo!Copy !req
282. Reagan! Reagan! Reagan!Copy !req
283. Now that we actually like you,Copy !req
284. I'm gonna close all the dummy accounts
I've been dragging you on Twitter with.Copy !req
285. Because we're firing Grassy Noel!Copy !req
286. Grassy Noel Atkinson?Copy !req
287. No. Honey, that guy is a legend.Copy !req
288. Yeah, and a sweetheart.Copy !req
289. He talked me off the ledge
after my divorce.Copy !req
290. He talked me onto a ledge
at a parkour convention.Copy !req
291. Where did you get that frame from?Copy !req
292. And who makes a point
with a framed picture?Copy !req
293. Look, Grassy Noel is a killer.Copy !req
294. Uh, yeah, a lady-killer.Copy !req
295. Yes, he kills women too.Copy !req
296. Congratulations, idiots.Copy !req
297. You just fired the most beloved guy
in the whole company.Copy !req
298. More beloved than Brett?Copy !req
299. Eat shit, Ken doll.Copy !req
300. Boo! You suck! Boo!Copy !req
301. I can't believe they were mean to me.Copy !req
302. Is this what it feels like to be you?Copy !req
303. Yep.Copy !req
304. Brett, I have experienced
a taste of popularity.Copy !req
305. I can't go back now.Copy !req
306. If we wanna save Noel's job,Copy !req
307. we have to prove
that he's still worth his salary.Copy !req
308. I'm just gonna let
one little JFK clone looseCopy !req
309. for gramps to re-assassinate.Copy !req
310. He'll be a hero. I'll be a hero. Win-win.Copy !req
311. Are you sure this is a good idea?Copy !req
312. I had the exact same idea,
but I was embarrassed to say it.Copy !req
313. Go get Noel, now.Copy !req
314. You know what?
Maybe it'd be faster to listCopy !req
315. which erectile dysfunction pills
he's not taking.Copy !req
316. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
317. You can make this all stop, pal.
I just need those livers.Copy !req
318. Look, I can't give you those livers.
We don't have the money.Copy !req
319. I'll do anything. Even give you
some of my stake in the company!Copy !req
320. Huh. I'll tell you what.
Why don't we meet at that dinerCopy !req
321. where we used to talk business
and hash this out?Copy !req
322. Deal.Copy !req
323. God, that guy used to be
a master manipulator.Copy !req
324. If I play my cards right,Copy !req
325. I can negotiate him
out of Cognito Inc. entirely.Copy !req
326. Mongoose!Copy !req
327. Mongoose.Copy !req
328. Ask not what your country
can do for you. Ask—Copy !req
329. Where the hell am I?Copy !req
330. Long story, but I need you to follow meCopy !req
331. to the assassination floor for no reason.Copy !req
332. Let's see, where is it?
If we just take this service hallway… No.Copy !req
333. Hey, who is this handsome man-about-town?Copy !req
334. I like the cut of your jib, fella.Copy !req
335. Me too.Copy !req
336. Me three. Let's get this party started.Copy !req
337. Okay, that should—Copy !req
338. Wait, what are you—
Wait, wait, wait! Wait! Wait, stop! Stop!Copy !req
339. Eh, we will not be bossed around
by a broad who's only a four.Copy !req
340. You son of a—
I'm at least a seven with filters.Copy !req
341. I do declare… Er, uh…Copy !req
342. Er, uh… Er, uh… Er, uh… I do declare…Copy !req
343. Furthermore…Copy !req
344. [PA] Alert. Alert.Copy !req
345. - Hey, mama.
- [PA] Breach in clone containment unit.Copy !req
346. - Alert.
- Wait, no! Help!Copy !req
347. Seize the means of duplication!Copy !req
348. - See you later, boy!Copy !req
349. Hey, mama. Whoa, now.Copy !req
350. - Noel, rogue JFK is on the loose.
- What?Copy !req
351. And his head isn't covered
by any car roof or anything.Copy !req
352. He's just asking for it.Copy !req
353. Er, uh… Furthermore…Copy !req
354. Step aside, lad.Copy !req
355. You'll always remember
exactly where you were when you saw this.Copy !req
356. Steady. Uh, steady!Copy !req
357. Er, uh…Copy !req
358. Er, uh… I do declare…Copy !req
359. Oh God!Copy !req
360. The Kennedys
are multiplying like Kennedys!Copy !req
361. Noel, do your thing!Copy !req
362. I'm out!Copy !req
363. - Er, uh… Er, uh…Copy !req
364. - I do declare…
- Do you have a gun?Copy !req
365. No, but I do have an Axe!Copy !req
366. Wow.Copy !req
367. Axe does more than just kills people.
It smells great too.Copy !req
368. You fool, they can't be exposed to heat!Copy !req
369. Er, uh… Er, uh…Copy !req
370. Run, lad! I'll stall 'em as long as I can!Copy !req
371. - But, Noel, what about you?
- Shoot for the stars, kid.Copy !req
372. Furthermore…Copy !req
373. Noel!Copy !req
374. No, you ain't nothing but a hound dog.Copy !req
375. Brett, the clones are loose!Copy !req
376. It's worse than that.
I kinda sort of tried to burn them.Copy !req
377. Have you ever seen Akira?Copy !req
378. Of course I've seen Akira!
Anime is very mainstream right now!Copy !req
379. What the shit?Copy !req
380. Furthermore… Er, uh…Copy !req
381. - I do declare…Copy !req
382. What are we gonna do?Copy !req
383. Brett, that thing is doubling in mass
every 15 minutes.Copy !req
384. If even one part of it escapes,
it'll level Washington, DC!Copy !req
385. - Er, uh…Copy !req
386. I know a good place to hide,Copy !req
387. but you have to promise
that you're not gonna tell anyone.Copy !req
388. - Can you keep a secret?
- We both know I can't.Copy !req
389. Furthermore…Copy !req
390. How did you guys get down here?
This place is fingerprint restricted.Copy !req
391. Talk to your own hand, Reagan.Copy !req
392. I need to destroy that.Copy !req
393. We want answers!
What the hell is this?Copy !req
394. Team, meet my salvage project.Copy !req
395. Version Alpha-Beta.Copy !req
396. Oh, look, you brought the whole family.Copy !req
397. I've been binge-watching you
on the surveillance monitors.Copy !req
398. Love the high jinks.Copy !req
399. I'll be honest,
I have no idea what you're supposed to be.Copy !req
400. You're like a fish?Copy !req
401. It's a meal of a concept,
let's be honest.Copy !req
402. Girl, do you seriously keep
a robot down here to talk to?Copy !req
403. Look, I'm letting him liveCopy !req
404. because I believe
I can still use his tech.Copy !req
405. And I'm letting her live
because I haven't conceivedCopy !req
406. of how to get out of here yet.Copy !req
407. Hold up.Copy !req
408. You've been bullshitting J.R.
and keeping a killer robot around?Copy !req
409. Seems like you're the one
who should get canned.Copy !req
410. Yeah!
- Oh please.Copy !req
411. This place would fall apart
in a week without me.Copy !req
412. Whoa!Copy !req
413. Look, if you wanna tell J.R.
and get me fired,Copy !req
414. then fine, maybe I deserve it.
But we have way bigger problems right now.Copy !req
415. There's a horrible mutant…Copy !req
416. - No offense, Glenn.
- None taken.Copy !req
417. …that is growing out of control,Copy !req
418. and we need to go stop it
before it destroys this whole building.Copy !req
419. How are we gonna do that?Copy !req
420. Andre, can you synthesize
a chemical compoundCopy !req
421. that can dissolve
a giant flesh monster thing?Copy !req
422. If it can kill you,
I've made it and sold it to Monsanto.Copy !req
423. And, Glenn, how powerful
is that blowhole of yours?Copy !req
424. I've been kicked out
of several hotel Jacuzzis.Copy !req
425. - And, Myc, you'll be the bait.
Yeah, I will.Copy !req
426. Wait, what? What'd she say?Copy !req
427. I never listen to her.
Now it's biting me in the ass.Copy !req
428. We need to get back to the main level
without getting crushed by that monster.Copy !req
429. There's a service elevator at the end
of the hall that hasn't been breached yet.Copy !req
430. I have schematics of the whole building,Copy !req
431. definitely not because I'm planning
to escape, so put it out of your head.Copy !req
432. Okay, guys,
let's go make some Dead Kennedys.Copy !req
433. Lock and load!Copy !req
434. How do I know you're not leading us
into a death trap?Copy !req
435. You don't. But what choice do you have?Copy !req
436. Well, well, you still remember the place.Copy !req
437. Yeah, I just asked my GPS
to take me to the world's biggest asshole.Copy !req
438. Honey, can you get me a water and water?Copy !req
439. Wait a second. Are… are you sober?Copy !req
440. Once the withdrawal finally wore off,
I realized sobriety agrees with me.Copy !req
441. So I took a shower,
combed the cigarette ash out of my pubes,Copy !req
442. and boom, sober Rand is back.Copy !req
443. But I brought the livers.Copy !req
444. And I brought a list of demands.Copy !req
445. First up, a piece
of your percentage of the company.Copy !req
446. Oh, you can't do that. We had a deal.Copy !req
447. Just think how bad
those videos are going to beCopy !req
448. now that I can remember stuff.Copy !req
449. Like your super weird dick.Copy !req
450. Hey,
we both have weird dicks.Copy !req
451. Just like every other powerful man in DC.Copy !req
452. This is insane.
- Ready to make a deal?Copy !req
453. Is our honeypot ready?Copy !req
454. Reagan, I will never forgive you
for this Bugs Bunny shit.Copy !req
455. Just do the thing.Copy !req
456. Like a horny baby!Copy !req
457. Marilyn!Copy !req
458. Well, this is probably the end of us all,Copy !req
459. and we're he hottest two people here, so…Copy !req
460. Ow!Copy !req
461. - What the hell?
- Not cool, man!Copy !req
462. Uncalled-for!Copy !req
463. Andre, now! Hurry!Copy !req
464. You're up, Free Willy!Copy !req
465. Oh God, my sciatica!Copy !req
466. Furthermore…Copy !req
467. It's trying to escape!Copy !req
468. Er, uh…Copy !req
469. Happy Death Day, Mr. President!Copy !req
470. - Grassy Noel!
- Noel, you did it!Copy !req
471. Mr. Noel,
welcome back, old friend.Copy !req
472. Noel! Noel! Noel!
Oh! Oh my, yes!Copy !req
473. I had a bad day.
You better have fired somebody.Copy !req
474. Um, actually, we, um, sort of liquidated
the entire Cloning Department.Copy !req
475. I mean, the refrigeration costs alone.Copy !req
476. Huh. That's actually an amazing idea.
How'd you ever figure that out?Copy !req
477. Reagan took us to the basement
where she was secretly hiding a…Copy !req
478. hiding a…Copy !req
479. …hiding a… uh, a…Copy !req
480. a good strategy,Copy !req
481. because she is a good leader.Copy !req
482. - Yes, sir.
- Definitely.Copy !req
483. Well, carry on then.Copy !req
484. - Hey, thank you for saying that.
Well, it's true.Copy !req
485. Plus, if you ever try to fire us,
we now have blackmail leverage.Copy !req
486. And if you cross me,
I'll tell Noel where you sleep.Copy !req
487. Checks and balances.Copy !req
488. Are you really okay
with Noel being the office hero?Copy !req
489. Noel! Noel! Noel!
- Eh, popularity's overrated.Copy !req
490. I know one person has my back.
That's enough.Copy !req
491. Noel! Noel! Noel!
- I am Anubis the bringer of death! Whoo!Copy !req
492. I forgot how horny killing makes me.Copy !req
493. You free tonight?
I've got Friendly's coupons.Copy !req
494. Oof, you look beat. Class war?Copy !req
495. Clone massacre.Copy !req
496. Hey, by the way,
I left you a special de-liver-y.Copy !req
497. - Free JFK livers!
- Hey, hey!Copy !req
498. They come pre-drunk.
Don't say I never did anything for you.Copy !req
499. Thank God. If I don't get a drink soon,
I'm gonna assassinate myself.Copy !req
500. The important thing is, I screwed J.R.Copy !req
501. - To life!
- To screwing J.R.!Copy !req
502. Hey, I don't know why you saved me
back there, but thanks.Copy !req
503. I would like to give you
a token of my appreciation.Copy !req
504. Oh, how lovely. Thank you.
How very thoughtful of you.Copy !req
505. It wouldn't by any chance happen to be
a 50-foot-tall robot bodyCopy !req
506. I can use to murder all humans,
would it? Hmm?Copy !req
507. Not quite.Copy !req
508. It's six episodes
of the first season of FriendsCopy !req
509. that I found on DVD at the gas station.Copy !req
510. What? Why would I want this?Copy !req
511. To give you something to watch
besides our surveillance monitors.Copy !req
512. This is worthless!Copy !req
513. Netflix paid a hundred million for it.Copy !req
514. - Really?
- Yeah. Wow.Copy !req
515. - Holy shit.
- They got the money to spare.Copy !req
516. - Isn't the rain forest burning? Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req