1. Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenen Ivory Wayans.Copy !req
2. Thank you.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
3. Welcome to another show. You know,
some people have criticized me...Copy !req
4. for not having any "Fly Guys"
on the show.Copy !req
5. Some people have gone
as far as to say...Copy !req
6. I might be a little,
uh, threatened by the idea.Copy !req
7. Come on. That's not true at all.
Tonight I'm gonna prove it.Copy !req
8. We're gonna have a very special "Fly Guy"
performing with the Fly Girls tonight.Copy !req
9. He's a great dancer...
young, good looking.Copy !req
10. So after tonight,
I don't wanna hear a word.Copy !req
11. So let's give it up. Joining the Fly Girls,
my man, CarlJamel Taylor.Copy !req
12. Lassie! Oh, Lassie!Copy !req
13. But Mr. Tompkins, you simply have to fix
some of the things around the apartment.Copy !req
14. I feel it's not safe
for my son Timmy.Copy !req
15. I'll teach you to go on
a rent strike. I'm not fixing anything.Copy !req
16. If you aren't out of there by sundown, I'm
gonna send someone over there to help you...Copy !req
17. and your little dog too.Copy !req
18. - Uh-oh.Copy !req
19. Oh, darn. Now we're trapped
and have no way to call for help.Copy !req
20. Yes, we do. Lassie!
Oh, Lassie!Copy !req
21. Now, Lassie,
I want you to run and get help.Copy !req
22. Go, girl! Go!Copy !req
23. Meanwhile, Timmy,
let's comfort ourselves with a song.Copy !req
24. Oh, a crowbar.! That will help.!Copy !req
25. - Good girl, Lassie.Copy !req
26. Now, Lassie, this time I want you to get
a variable-speed Makita band saw...Copy !req
27. with a carbide-tipped blade
and sawdust bag.Copy !req
28. Hurry!Copy !req
29. Good girl.Copy !req
30. And did you bring
the special A.C. Adapter?Copy !req
31. Good girl, Lassie.Copy !req
32. I think Lassie's
trying to tell us something.Copy !req
33. - What is it, girl? Do you sense danger?Copy !req
34. She's barking in Morse code.
Only, we don't know Morse code.Copy !req
35. - What are you tryin'to tell us, girl?
- Something to do with "arm"?Copy !req
36. Uh, your arm's too short
to box with God?Copy !req
37. Armani?
Giorgio Armani?Copy !req
38. Armistice! Lassie's trying to warn us
that the arms reduction treaty...Copy !req
39. proposed at SALT II would be
disadvantageous to NATO.Copy !req
40. Hey, we know you're in there.!Copy !req
41. - Open the door.!
Tompkins sent us to collect the rent.!Copy !req
42. Sure enough,
there are those evil henchmen now.Copy !req
43. - Good girl, Lassie.Copy !req
44. If you don't open this door,
we'll tear it down.Copy !req
45. - Oh!
- Timmy, what are we gonna do?Copy !req
46. If you lay a finger
on this door, I'll chew off your arm...Copy !req
47. and shove it
down your throat.Copy !req
48. - Uh, come on, guys. Let's get out ofhere.Copy !req
49. Heavens to Betsy, Lassie!
You can talk!Copy !req
50. I want you to forget
you ever heard that.Copy !req
51. Aw, Lassie...Copy !req
52. you're the best darn dog
in the whole world!Copy !req
53. - Rocky!
- Rocky, I know this is your big comeback...Copy !req
54. and I know I came back from the dead to
train you, but this fight is pure insanity!Copy !req
55. No way, brother.
You just wanna humil... humil...Copy !req
56. Easy, Rocky.
Not too many syllables.Copy !req
57. I got light-headed there. Listen, I still
got the eye of the tiger. You know that.Copy !req
58. Look, Rocky, you got the eye of a tiger
and the I.Q. Of a lima bean.Copy !req
59. You're not gonna be fighting a man
tonight. You'll be fightin' an animal.Copy !req
60. Animals don't scare me.Copy !req
61. - Yeah? Well, this one will.Copy !req
62. Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!Copy !req
63. All right, fans.
Here we go. In the red corner...Copy !req
64. - the challenger: Rocky Balboa!Copy !req
65. And in the blue corner,
the undisputed champion of the world.Copy !req
66. Let's give it up
for GraceJones!Copy !req
67. - Rocky Vl: The Ultimate Challenge.Copy !req
68. - Hello, Rocky. Do you find me sexy?Copy !req
69. I said,
do you find me sexy?Copy !req
70. To tell you the truth, Grace,
you're startin' to scare me a little.Copy !req
71. Harder! Faster! Harder! Faster!Copy !req
72. Harder! Faster!Copy !req
73. Enough of the foreplay, Rocky.
Is it gonna be your place or mine?Copy !req
74. Aw, come on, Grace.
I got a wife and kid.Copy !req
75. Then I guess
it's gonna be mine, Rocky.Copy !req
76. - Adrian!Copy !req
77. - Adrian!
Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.!Copy !req
78. Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.!
Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.!Copy !req
79. For those sensitive times of the month
when emotions run close to the surface...Copy !req
80. Honey, look what I got.Copy !req
81. - Ohh.
- Just because I love you.Copy !req
82. There's only nine.
Where are the other three, cheapskate?Copy !req
83. God, you always
take the easy way out!Copy !req
84. And another thing: I hate the way you
chew your food with your mouth all over it...Copy !req
85. like some sort
of bizarre barnyard animal!Copy !req
86. Just stay away from me!Copy !req
87. I can't seem to do anything right.
Boy, could I use some help.Copy !req
88. For those special times of the month...Copy !req
89. you need the P.M.S. Defense System.Copy !req
90. Highly trained female counselors will talk you
through even the most irrational P.M.S. Argument.Copy !req
91. For only $300 a year, you'll receive
this transmitter that fits snugly in your ear...Copy !req
92. and keeps you in touch
with P.M.S. Central 24 hours a day.Copy !req
93. Help. My wife has P.M.S.,
and I don't know what to do.Copy !req
94. Don't worry.
I'm right here with you.Copy !req
95. God. You're so insensitive.!Copy !req
96. - Why can't you be taller?
- Hey, give me a...Copy !req
97. Stop. Stop right there. Simply apologize.Copy !req
98. I'm sorry, honey. You're right.Copy !req
99. I'll try to grow tomorrow.Copy !req
100. Tell her you love her.Copy !req
101. I love you.Copy !req
102. - See. It's that... It's that breathing thing.Copy !req
103. In and out and in and out! God!
You drive me crazy!Copy !req
104. - She's already at Irrational Level Seven.Copy !req
105. This is a Code Red. Don't say a word.
Just get her some pain reliever.Copy !req
106. Don't you see? This place
is dust-ridden, and if I don't dust...Copy !req
107. then you'rejust gonna
suck all the air out of the room.!Copy !req
108. - The bottle is empty!
- Get out of the house! I repeat:
Get out of the house!Copy !req
109. I can't!
I'm trapped in a bathroom!Copy !req
110. - Is there a window?
- Yeah, but it's five floors up.Copy !req
111. - Go for it!Copy !req
112. The P.M.S. Defense System: Because no one
should go through these times alone.Copy !req
113. Hey! Are you tryin'
to avoid me or what?Copy !req
114. Public Access Television Channel 53
Men on Vacation.Copy !req
115. - Hello. I'm Blayne Edwards.
- And I'm Antoine Merrywether.Copy !req
116. And welcome to Men on Vacation.Copy !req
117. Today we'll be reviewing
our little European vacation.Copy !req
118. From a male point of view.Copy !req
119. Here we are on our last stop
on our whirlwind gallivant through Europa.Copy !req
120. Wait a minute.
We got a new sponsor.Copy !req
121. Somebody better
check their mail.Copy !req
122. Tonight's broadcast
is brought to you byJewels...Copy !req
123. the gum that explodes
in your mouth.Copy !req
124. I bet you just can't chew one.Copy !req
125. And who'd want to?Copy !req
126. We started
our little trip in Greece.Copy !req
127. The Greek "peoples" was so nice.Copy !req
128. Yes. They bent over backwards
to show us a good time.Copy !req
129. Oh, look. Excuse me.Copy !req
130. Not you, fish.
You go back in the sea.Copy !req
131. Garçon.Copy !req
132. Oh, may I
have another Wallbanger?Copy !req
133. - And for monsieur?
- Oui, oui.Copy !req
134. - Bottoms up.
- Ditto.Copy !req
135. Is that little Ricky Schroder?
What's he doin' here? Don't let him see me.Copy !req
136. - Who's that with him?
- You know, I think that's Erik Estrada.Copy !req
137. Oh, well. Anyway.
Next we went to Holland, land of dikes.Copy !req
138. Hated it!Copy !req
139. And from there,
it was on to merry old England.Copy !req
140. - Remember Big Ben?
- Oh, how could I forget it?Copy !req
141. It was so nice of him
to show us around the city.Copy !req
142. Excuse me.
Big Ben was a clock.Copy !req
143. Well, we both know
what time that was.Copy !req
144. You'd better stop.Copy !req
145. You know, it's so chilly out here,
my nipples are hard.Copy !req
146. Then it was just a hop,
skip and jump on to gay Paris...Copy !req
147. but we decided to go back
to Greece instead.Copy !req
148. And then it was on
to Scotland.Copy !req
149. You know, I found it
to be quite an open society...Copy !req
150. where "mens" are free
to explore the feminine side of their nature.Copy !req
151. All those hairy legs and skirts
holdin' them bagpipes.Copy !req
152. Mm-hmm. Not since the Fire Island
Halloween Barn Dance...Copy !req
153. have I seen so many men in drag.Copy !req
154. Just a hint, fellas:
Plaid is out this fall.Copy !req
155. Our next stop was Sweden, best known
for its beautiful, buxom blondes.Copy !req
156. Hated it!Copy !req
157. So we went back to Greece.Copy !req
158. But it was very sad when we had
to leave our soldier buddies behind...Copy !req
159. and travel to our final destination:
The French Riviera...Copy !req
160. which is where
we've been ever since.Copy !req
161. Oh, yes. And to sum up our little
European vacation, we're gonna have...Copy !req
162. to give the whole trip a new and improved
around-the-world-and-back snap.Copy !req
163. Tell a friend.Copy !req
164. Tune in next week, when we'll be back
in the good old U.S. Of A...Copy !req
165. reviewing the new release,
Memphis Belle.Copy !req
166. It's the story of 10 young "mens"
in leather jackets...Copy !req
167. all sweaty, standin'
next to each other...Copy !req
168. and them long, hard bombs
crammed together in a little old cockpit.Copy !req
169. Well, grease my landing gear,
I'm coming in for a landing.Copy !req
170. - Toodle-oo!
- See you next week! Bye!Copy !req
171. All right. Thank you very much
for hanging out with us tonight.Copy !req
172. Taking us home: Third Bass.Copy !req
173. Come on, man. Get
out of my way, man. Let me see everybody, man.Copy !req
174. - Oh, it's like that?
- Yeah, it's like that. Keenen,
this is from the group...Copy !req
175. and our boys Shirt Kings
in Jamaica.Copy !req
176. - Congratulations.
- Bust that.Copy !req
177. Rippin' that up
forJimmy gettin' the job done.Copy !req
178. Too black, too strong for TV,
you know what I'm sayin'?Copy !req
179. We wanna set this off
the right way. Hey, yo, Richie Rich!Copy !req
180. That's the way we gonna run this.Copy !req
181. Come on, y'all.! Come on, y'all.!
Put those hands in the air.!Copy !req