1. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
2. d In living colordCopy !req
3. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
4. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
5. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
6. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
7. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
8. - d Take it from me It's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
9. d And how would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete dCopy !req
10. d And all mankind danced
to the exact beat dCopy !req
11. - d And at night it was safe
to walk down the street d
- d In living colordCopy !req
12. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
13. d In living colordCopy !req
14. d In living colordCopy !req
15. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
16. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
17. d Everybody here
is equally kind dCopy !req
18. d Everybody here
is equally kind dCopy !req
19. d Everybody, everybody
everybody, everybody dCopy !req
20. - d Everybody here is equally kind d
- d In living colordCopy !req
21. d What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine dCopy !req
22. d In living c-c-c-olordCopy !req
23. d You can do what you wanna do
in living colordCopy !req
24. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
25. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
26. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
27. - d Take it from me It's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
28. d You can do what you wanna do
in living colorddCopy !req
29. Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenen Ivory Wayans.Copy !req
30. Thank you.Copy !req
31. Thank you very much.
Welcome to the show.Copy !req
32. - Somebody call that man a doctor.Copy !req
33. We appreciate y'all comin'.
We're gonna have a good time tonight.Copy !req
34. Got a lot of surprises,
so sit tight.Copy !req
35. We'll be back in a few.
Kick it.Copy !req
36. ddCopy !req
37. d You can do what you wanna do
in living colorddCopy !req
38. Jason Robards once said to me...Copy !req
39. Or was it Harvey Korman?Copy !req
40. Well, whoever.Copy !req
41. He said, " Some people
were born to act...Copy !req
42. "some people learn to act...Copy !req
43. and then there are
people like you."Copy !req
44. God, I was touched by that.Copy !req
45. The point is,
I took those words to heart.Copy !req
46. And it wasn't long after that that I landed
my breakthrough role in Friday the 13th.Copy !req
47. Let's take a look
at my performance, shall we?Copy !req
48. ddCopy !req
49. - Out of my way, bitch!Copy !req
50. Thanks. Thank you.
Thanks a lot.Copy !req
51. But, you know,
that took more than talent.Copy !req
52. That's a little something
called skill.Copy !req
53. That's technique.Copy !req
54. You're down on your knee, a throw back
of a shoulder and you're looking.Copy !req
55. And it's a single tear,
and we're out.Copy !req
56. Okay. Let's try some
simple exercises, shall we?Copy !req
57. Up on your feet.
Come on. Line up.Copy !req
58. Okay. We're hailing a cab.Copy !req
59. Come on, people.
You want that taxi.Copy !req
60. It's raining out. Yes.!Copy !req
61. All right.
Dialing a phone.Copy !req
62. Rotary.Copy !req
63. Yeah, okay.
Push-button.Copy !req
64. All right, all right.
Calling the elevator.Copy !req
65. I didn't say up or down, did I?Copy !req
66. Let's be specific people.
That is the key.Copy !req
67. - Uh, spray and wipe.Copy !req
68. Yeah?Copy !req
69. What? Bernie swore to me
I'd get that role.Copy !req
70. The only thing in the shot
was my hand.Copy !req
71. What do you mean
I looked bitter?Copy !req
72. Look, how many ways are there
to stir dog food?Copy !req
73. I... I wanna talk to Bernie.Copy !req
74. Are you gonna be
off the phone soon, 'cause we...Copy !req
75. Look, you're gonna get
your 15 dollars' worth.Copy !req
76. Why don't you show 'em that clip of me
in the movie of the week.Copy !req
77. - The, uh, the love scene.
- Okay.Copy !req
78. Yeah.
He's in a meeting with who?Copy !req
79. Jo Anne Worley.
Oh, my.Copy !req
80. I bet she's a hot property now, huh?Copy !req
81. - ddCopy !req
82. Out of my way, bitch!Copy !req
83. Look, I'm callin' back in 20 minutes,
and Bernie better take my call.Copy !req
84. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
85. This isn't a coffee break, people.
Up on your feet.Copy !req
86. We're gonna drill
these brushbacks.Copy !req
87. Now, let's go.
Concentrate! Concentrate!Copy !req
88. Get out my way!Copy !req
89. - Get out my way.
- Get outta my way.Copy !req
90. No, no, no!
You people are pathetic!Copy !req
91. Let's do it one couple at a time...
you and you. The rest of you sit down.Copy !req
92. - Focus.
- Out my way, bitch!Copy !req
93. You call that a fall, princess?Copy !req
94. You better stay
right there on the floor...Copy !req
95. 'cause that's the only way
you're gonna get a role.Copy !req
96. Let's do our homework,
shall we?Copy !req
97. - Who is this woman?
- Uh...Copy !req
98. Uh, she's somebody
I just got out my way?Copy !req
99. Yes, of course,
on the surface.Copy !req
100. But who is she really?
What's her moment before?Copy !req
101. What makes her tick?Copy !req
102. How does she feel about being
pushed out of the way by this guy...Copy !req
103. about being treated like
something he stepped in...Copy !req
104. after she took him
into her apartment, into her bed?Copy !req
105. And what did he leave her...
nothing but that cold sore...Copy !req
106. that took me two weeks at the free clinic
just to get rid of.Copy !req
107. Look, obviously we're just not ready
for this sort of intensive work right now.Copy !req
108. Let's move on to something simpler,
shall we?Copy !req
109. - I'm sorry, Magenta, but I have to go now.
- You have to go now?Copy !req
110. - Mm-hmm.
- This is only the most important
class of your career.Copy !req
111. - What have you got, a hot date?
- No. Actually, I have an actin'job.Copy !req
112. Oh, she's got an acting job.Copy !req
113. Tina Louise has an acting job.
What sort of job could you get?Copy !req
114. It's not much. All I have to do
is stir a bowl of dog food.Copy !req
115. Wait a second.
You're not going anywhere.Copy !req
116. How did you get that part?
You must have put out for the director.Copy !req
117. Get outta my way, bitch!Copy !req
118. See? Now, see?Copy !req
119. I'm just acting. That's what
I was talking about... the technique.Copy !req
120. That's what Harvey Korman
was talking about.Copy !req
121. Or was it, uh,
Chad Everett?Copy !req
122. Well... Oh...
Who... Who played Mannix?Copy !req
123. Uh, Calvin Lockhart?Copy !req
124. No. Uh...
Uh, class dismissed.Copy !req
125. The following is a paid announcement...Copy !req
126. by the Foundation for Golf Heritage.Copy !req
127. The views presented
are not those of this station.Copy !req
128. - Hi. I'm G.D. "Bud" Simmons...Copy !req
129. membership chairman
of the Shoal Creek Country Club...Copy !req
130. here in Birmingham, Alabama.Copy !req
131. In recent weeks,
we have received some...Copy !req
132. negative publicity.Copy !req
133. The P.G.A. Refused to let us
host a major tournament...Copy !req
134. because we have
no black members.Copy !req
135. Now, what we have here...Copy !req
136. is a failure to communicate.Copy !req
137. As you can see...Copy !req
138. there has always been
a place for blacks at our club...Copy !req
139. as long as they're not holdin' one.Copy !req
140. Golf has always been
a white game.Copy !req
141. It was invented by a white man
in Scotland 200 years ago.Copy !req
142. If God had meant
for blacks to play golf...Copy !req
143. he wouldn't have made it
so expensive.Copy !req
144. Let us have our game.Copy !req
145. After all,
we didn't complain...Copy !req
146. when the Negroes
took over basketball.Copy !req
147. Some other clubs
have admitted black members...Copy !req
148. and the results have been
a mite disturbing.Copy !req
149. Here is some film we shot
in a recent trip...Copy !req
150. to a formerly all-white club
near Atlanta.Copy !req
151. ddCopy !req
152. - dd
- ddCopy !req
153. - dd
- ddCopy !req
154. ddCopy !req
155. ddCopy !req
156. - dd
- ddCopy !req
157. - dd
- Frightenin', isn't it?Copy !req
158. If you agree with us...Copy !req
159. that the heritage of the great game
of golf should be preserved...Copy !req
160. write to us at the Foundation
for Golf Heritage.Copy !req
161. We'll send you
one of our bumper stickers.Copy !req
162. We don't eat our greens.
We play on them.Copy !req
163. Thank you.Copy !req
164. ddCopy !req
165. ddCopy !req
166. ddCopy !req
167. - Excuse us.Copy !req
168. You know, I don't usually
go on blind dates...Copy !req
169. but I'm really glad
Susan fixed us up.Copy !req
170. - You think this is a good idea?
- Yeah. I'm gonna have a great time.Copy !req
171. - You didn't think you would?
- No, I thought I'd have a great time.Copy !req
172. - Okay.
- You're a lot prettier
than Susan said you would be.Copy !req
173. Oh. What do you mean?
Did she say I was ugly?Copy !req
174. She didn't say you were ugly.
She said you had beautiful eyes.Copy !req
175. - I agree with her.
- Oh.Copy !req
176. Well, what else did she say?
She said I was fat, didn't she?Copy !req
177. She didn't say you were fat.
She said you were a court stenographer.Copy !req
178. - Yeah, yeah.
- Which I think is kind of an odd career.Copy !req
179. - I mean, I've never heard of anybody...
- What? Do you think I'm stupid?Copy !req
180. I don't think you're stupid. I just think
that that's an interesting career...Copy !req
181. for someone as beautiful
and as intelligent as yourself.Copy !req
182. - Oh-Oh-Oh. You think I'm too brainy.
- No, I don't think...Copy !req
183. You think I'm a nerd
like Urkel on Family Matters.Copy !req
184. - I know you didn't say it,
but you were thinking that.
- I wasn't thinking that at all.Copy !req
185. I'm just sayin' it's not...
Popcorn?Copy !req
186. - No, thanks. No, but thanks.
- Okay.Copy !req
187. - So, let me tell you a little bit about myself.
- Okay.Copy !req
188. I work for Jet magazine.
I just got the cover.Copy !req
189. - It took me about two months...
- You weren't gonna offer me that
one more time... the popcorn?Copy !req
190. - What? You want...
- You think I have a weight problem, don't you?Copy !req
191. - I don't think...
- It's these pants. I look really
fat in these pants, don't I?Copy !req
192. - No, you look great. You look skinny.
- I know.Copy !req
193. I mean, not "skinny" skinny.
I mean slim, you know?Copy !req
194. Nice body. Not like
I'm into that or anything.Copy !req
195. You know, but...
Popcorn?Copy !req
196. If you insist.Copy !req
197. You think I have
a really big face, don't you?Copy !req
198. I don't think you have a big face.
You have a beautiful face.Copy !req
199. Your nose... like a button.
Look at that.Copy !req
200. Your feet... nice and small.
Perfect, like a concubine's.Copy !req
201. Look at your arm. Perfect.
Look at that balance. Look at the balance.Copy !req
202. Look at that.
You're perfect. Look at you.Copy !req
203. Torso... perfect, girl.
You are perfect.Copy !req
204. - You didn't say anything about my neck.
- Your neck...Copy !req
205. and clavicle are perfect.Copy !req
206. Okay.Copy !req
207. I'm really glad we chose this movie.
I love Meryl Streep.Copy !req
208. You think she's prettier
than I am, don't you?Copy !req
209. - You think she's a lot, lot prettier.
- I don't think she's prettier.Copy !req
210. No. You the prettiest...
Look in the theater.Copy !req
211. You are the prettiest one here.
Look around you. You're pretty.Copy !req
212. I'm tellin' you.
Girl, you the one.Copy !req
213. Can we watch the movie?
Are you all right?Copy !req
214. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
215. ddCopy !req
216. - Why do you like her so much better than me?
- I don't like her better...Copy !req
217. - Because she has a big chest? Is that it?
- I don't even know her.Copy !req
218. I don't even know you.
Not that I don't want to get to know you.Copy !req
219. You got a nice chest. I like your chest.
You got a nice chest.Copy !req
220. You got big, bodacious ta-tas,
all right!Copy !req
221. - Okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
222. - Carl, why do you hate me?
- Damn!Copy !req
223. Look.
Here's a quarter.Copy !req
224. Call a cab, find some help.Copy !req
225. Have some popcorn.
I'm outta here.Copy !req
226. Can you believe that guy dumped me just
because I have a little weight problem?Copy !req
227. God, can you...Copy !req
228. Do you think I look fat
in these jeans?Copy !req
229. I know you didn't
say anything, but...Copy !req
230. ddCopy !req
231. ddCopy !req
232. ddCopy !req
233. - Shoot.
- Hiya, Rick!
- Hi, Ethel.Copy !req
234. Mornin', Laquita. I just came over
to borrow a cup of Slim-Fast.Copy !req
235. Aw, now, Laquita,
what's the matter this time?Copy !req
236. Ethel, Ricky forgot my birthday.Copy !req
237. Aw, now, honey, you know
he always surprises you.Copy !req
238. - Maybe he left your present
in the kitchen like last year.
- You think so?Copy !req
239. - Well, sure.
- Let's go peep it out.Copy !req
240. We interrupt this program
to bring you a special report.Copy !req
241. The Billy Dee Williams
look-alike bandit has escaped.Copy !req
242. Do not... repeat... do not let anyone into your home
who looks like Billy Dee Williams.Copy !req
243. - We now return
to your regularly scheduled program.
- ddCopy !req
244. - I can't believe it...Copy !req
245. totally dissed on my birthday.Copy !req
246. Aw, now, honey.Copy !req
247. - That's one cheap,
penny-pinching Cuban tightwad.Copy !req
248. Hello, beautiful.Copy !req
249. - Billy Dee Williams!
- Oh, my.!Copy !req
250. Well, do you want my arm
to fall off?Copy !req
251. - Oh, my goodness.
- How do you do? I'm Ethel Mertz.Copy !req
252. - Charmed to meet you.
- Well, Ethel, I wish you could stay...Copy !req
253. but sorry you gotta go
see that doctor.Copy !req
254. - I don't have to go to a doctor.
- You do now.Copy !req
255. So, Ricky send you
to surprise me?Copy !req
256. Uh, yeah, that's right.
Richie sent me here to surprise you.Copy !req
257. Ooh, ooh. Billy, you gotta see
my Diana Ross act.Copy !req
258. I do all the great scenes from Mahogany
and stuff. All of them!Copy !req
259. Well, I'd be honored, Fajita.Copy !req
260. That's Laquita.Copy !req
261. All right, so you sit back, take a chill pill,
kick off your shoes, relax.Copy !req
262. - I'm-a go get ready, okay?
- All right.Copy !req
263. Take your time, Laguna.Copy !req
264. Just take your coat off
and relax, okay?Copy !req
265. All right.
Thank you.Copy !req
266. I'm a winner!
I'm a winner!Copy !req
267. And everybody loves me...
Mahogany!Copy !req
268. And you can't stand it.
Do you know why?Copy !req
269. Because you're a loser!Copy !req
270. - Laquita!
- Ricky!Copy !req
271. If I told you once,
I told you a thousand times...Copy !req
272. Oh, that's okay, Ricky.
I thought she was very good.Copy !req
273. - My pleasure meeting you, Laquita.
- But we already met.Copy !req
274. I would've remembered meeting someone
like you, someone as charming as you.Copy !req
275. That's true.Copy !req
276. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'd like to, uh, clean up a little bit.Copy !req
277. - Oh, right through here, Billy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
278. - Just use anything you like.
- Thank you.Copy !req
279. Billy.! Billy.!Copy !req
280. - How'd you get there?
- Uh...Copy !req
281. Lobotomy let me in.Copy !req
282. - I thought I told you to relax.
- Right.Copy !req
283. - Here, take your coat off.
- Sure, sure.Copy !req
284. - Okay?
- Yeah, good.Copy !req
285. Laquita?Copy !req
286. Can I talk to you
in the kitchen?Copy !req
287. Now.Copy !req
288. - Shoot!Copy !req
289. Hello?Copy !req
290. What happened to everybody?Copy !req
291. Have we met?Copy !req
292. You look familiar.Copy !req
293. Who are you?Copy !req
294. I'm Billy Dee Williams.Copy !req
295. - ?A yayay.!Copy !req
296. I am confused.Copy !req
297. Uh, that's him!
That's him!Copy !req
298. That's the clown that's been impersonating me
and rippin' people off.Copy !req
299. Are you gonna believe this clown?
Look at him. He doesn't have any class.Copy !req
300. "Class"? Buddy,
you wouldn't know "class"...Copy !req
301. if it walked up
and bit you on the behind.Copy !req
302. - Freeze! Everybody!
- All right! We got the bandit cornered.Copy !req
303. - Yeah, Sarge, but which one's the impostor?
- Wait a minute.!Copy !req
304. I know who the impostor is.Copy !req
305. - How?
- How?Copy !req
306. 'Cause if anybody know Billy Dee,
it's me.Copy !req
307. All right, you,
step up.Copy !req
308. Step up.
I'm callin' you out.Copy !req
309. All right, now.
This is the scene from Mahogany.Copy !req
310. It's snowin',
you makin' a speech...Copy !req
311. and Diana Ross
is hidin' in the crowd.Copy !req
312. Now go.Copy !req
313. Madam, would you be willing
to put your imagination to work...Copy !req
314. on behalf of the cause
that your man's fighting for?Copy !req
315. - Yes!
- Madam...Copy !req
316. will you love and cherish him
for the rest of his life?Copy !req
317. Yes!Copy !req
318. If you're willing
to do all of that...Copy !req
319. then I guarantee
that you'll get your man back.Copy !req
320. Officer?Copy !req
321. I know just who
your criminal is.Copy !req
322. - This is him.
- All right, buster, you're goin' with us.Copy !req
323. Wait! Hold your horses,
gentlemen.Copy !req
324. Laquita's forgetting
the end of that scene.Copy !req
325. Is that so?Copy !req
326. That's the impostor!
That's the impostor!Copy !req
327. - Hey, hey! Wait a minute!
- This is definitely Billy Dee!Copy !req
328. Wait a minute, Dorito.Copy !req
329. Aren't you gonna kiss me too?Copy !req
330. Kiss you?Copy !req
331. I'd sooner kiss
my own brother.Copy !req
332. Laquita!Copy !req
333. - All right.Copy !req
334. As usual, I'd like to thank
my Fly Girls and SW1...Copy !req
335. and everybody else
for doing this show.Copy !req
336. Hey, Keenen, here's a taste
of your own medicine.Copy !req
337. I hope you liked it, and don't forget
to tune in again next week.Copy !req
338. You know the time,
you know the place.Copy !req
339. - ddCopy !req
340. d You can do
what you wanna do ddCopy !req