1. Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenen Ivory Wayans.Copy !req
2. Thank you.
Welcome to the show.Copy !req
3. - We're gonna have a fun show tonight.Copy !req
4. Stop it! There he is!
The man in charge.Copy !req
5. Hey, black strong. Give me a hug, man.
Good to see you.Copy !req
6. You're doing dynamite work on this
little thing you're doing right here.Copy !req
7. You don't remember me.
1978, Rahway State Prison.Copy !req
8. Fred Williamson film retrospective.
I was running the projector.Copy !req
9. Don't ask what I was doing there.
Another career.Copy !req
10. All right. You might remember me
from Hartford, Connecticut...Copy !req
11. - where we had Ronnie Dyson's party.
- No.Copy !req
12. Well, anyway, right now I'm managing
a group called Stratus.Copy !req
13. There's 19 horns and the rest are drums.
It's a new concept.Copy !req
14. We're doing a real hyped-up version
of Backstabbers.Copy !req
15. He ain't the only one in music.
I got a new single out.Copy !req
16. Enough said, you know?
Look here.Copy !req
17. I got a quick thing for you. How can two
young, black, strong brothers like myself...Copy !req
18. get into this
funky business you do?Copy !req
19. Wrote a couple scripts,
and here's a videotape.Copy !req
20. - Go ahead and look at it, brother.
- Give him a business card.Copy !req
21. You know, I'm fresh out.Copy !req
22. - You know I got one. Bam!
- All right!Copy !req
23. Don't pay any attention to the name
that's on the front, all right?Copy !req
24. But my number is in purple
right there. You see that?Copy !req
25. - This one in crayon?
- Right. I'm at my mom's house now.Copy !req
26. You can reach me on Boo Boo's beeper.
That's the number.Copy !req
27. - Say, "Keenen's calling."
- Listen, I gotta get on the show.Copy !req
28. You know, I have a flat. You have a jack
I can borrow just a minute?Copy !req
29. And also, wouldn't nobody validate
my parking. Ain't that a blip?Copy !req
30. - Excuse me!
- Ain't that something?Copy !req
31. - I think I can help both of you.
- Somebody told me about an after-party.Copy !req
32. - We're trying to boogie.
- These people will escort you there.Copy !req
33. - Security.
- All right!Copy !req
34. Listen, Keenen, keep it up, man.
All right!Copy !req
35. KYYTnow presents
a minority affairs program, Black Like You.Copy !req
36. Here are your hosts,
Tom and Tom...Copy !req
37. the Brothers Brothers.Copy !req
38. All righty! Why, thank you.Copy !req
39. - How are ya? I'm Tom.
- Howdy.Copy !req
40. We're delighted to host
this very worthwhile show.Copy !req
41. - What do you say, Tom?
- That's right, Tom.Copy !req
42. In fact, we've written
a very special song just for this show.Copy !req
43. - Well, let's kick it off, brother.
- Shall we?Copy !req
44. - All righty.Copy !req
45. - Oh, stop it. Stop it!Copy !req
46. All righty. Well, let's
get started, shall we?Copy !req
47. Yes, we certainly shall.Copy !req
48. Today's guest is a young man who says he was
sent to prison for a crime he didn't commit.Copy !req
49. Yeah, right.Copy !req
50. Well, let's meet him anyway.
Say hello to Mr. Rajeem Carter.Copy !req
51. Come on out, Rajeem.Copy !req
52. What's happening, brothers?Copy !req
53. Is that some sort of
karate move there?Copy !req
54. Well, what's happening
is we're doing a show.Copy !req
55. So, I mean, let's just
cut right to the chase, Raj.Copy !req
56. - Right to it.
- Yeah. What is your beef?Copy !req
57. All right, first of all,
I want to say how glad I am...Copy !req
58. that there's finally a show where
we brothers can discuss things.Copy !req
59. - Oh, your brother's here? Where's your brother?
- Bring your brother out.Copy !req
60. - Come on out here.
- I didn't see him backstage.Copy !req
61. Yo, yo, man, yo!
I'm talking about us three brothers.Copy !req
62. I think you're kind of confused.
We're the Brothers Brothers.Copy !req
63. You're a black guy who came
to complain about something.Copy !req
64. Man, I'm not here complaining, see.Copy !req
65. I just want people to know
how the Man screwed me up.Copy !req
66. - The man? What man?
- The man? What man?Copy !req
67. You know, the Man...
Mr. Charlie, Bobo.Copy !req
68. His legal system
has railroaded me, brother.Copy !req
69. Well, there's your problem.
Mr. Charlie Bobo's legal firm...Copy !req
70. hardly sounds like
a reputable one to me.Copy !req
71. I mean, never trust a man
with the last name "Bobo."Copy !req
72. I mean, would you buy a home
from Louie Bobo?Copy !req
73. I sure wouldn't.Copy !req
74. Say what?Copy !req
75. - What.
- What.Copy !req
76. Y'all don't even understand, man.Copy !req
77. The police arrested me for no reason.Copy !req
78. - Come on!
- Oh, come on. The police don't do that.Copy !req
79. They're your friends.
They're here to protect and serve.Copy !req
80. Well, my friends dragged me
out my crib butt naked.Copy !req
81. Well, gosh darn it,
what the heck were you doing...Copy !req
82. butt naked in the baby's crib?Copy !req
83. Man, don't y'all understand?
Man, I went to prison for eight years...Copy !req
84. and the only thing I learned
was how to resole shoes.Copy !req
85. Well, gosh darn it, you should be
darn happy that you learned a trade.Copy !req
86. - You're darn tootin'.
- A trade?Copy !req
87. Man, nobody wants to get
their shoes resoled anymore.Copy !req
88. - That's not true.
- Well, heck, I've got a few pair backstage.Copy !req
89. You can start on them
right after the show.Copy !req
90. You can even shine 'em for me.Copy !req
91. Shine shoes? Now, what kind
of a Tom do you think I am?Copy !req
92. - There you go again.
- I think he's confused. We're the Toms.Copy !req
93. - You're the angry black guy.
- Right.Copy !req
94. You got that right.
You're the biggest Toms I ever seen.Copy !req
95. - Why, thank you.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
96. I've been working out
a little at the gym.Copy !req
97. - Well, actually, Tom Brokaw is bigger than us.
- Yeah, he is.Copy !req
98. I guess it's obvious.
Y'all guys, you can't relate to this at all.Copy !req
99. Man, I suffered in the joint.Copy !req
100. Hey, hey, hey! You don't give us
that doohickey nonsense, mister.Copy !req
101. - That's right. I'll say "doohickey" again...
- Hey, Tom, take it easy.Copy !req
102. 'Cause I'm outraged!Copy !req
103. Doohickey, darn it, heck!Copy !req
104. Now, I want you to know
suffering, mister.Copy !req
105. When you talk to Tom and Tom,
we know suffering.Copy !req
106. Tell him about the time
in Tahoe, mister.Copy !req
107. We flew to Tahoe for
a work engagement, mind you.Copy !req
108. We had reservations,
a confirmation number and got there...Copy !req
109. and only one of our rooms
were available.Copy !req
110. - We had to share it.
- And needless to say...Copy !req
111. that we were pretty upset
behind that.Copy !req
112. I had to call my mom.Copy !req
113. Lucky it was a suite, huh?Copy !req
114. Y'all don't even know
what time it is, do you?Copy !req
115. - Sure I do. 7:25.
- Sure I do. 7:25.Copy !req
116. I guess you're on C.P. Time.Copy !req
117. - Can we get away with that?Copy !req
118. So I suppose y'all think I'm supposed
to just move out into the suburbs, man...Copy !req
119. get a nose job,
marry some white woman...Copy !req
120. buy a BMW
and just totally sell out, right?Copy !req
121. - That's the spirit!
- Yeah. Maybe you want to put a brim on that hat.Copy !req
122. Forget y'all!Copy !req
123. Well, I guess we showed him how to
look at things on the brighter side.Copy !req
124. I think we certainly have.Copy !req
125. - Tell you what, why don't we sing a song about it?
- All righty, brother.Copy !req
126. And you know
I mean fraternal.Copy !req
127. - Good-bye.
- Good night, everybody.Copy !req
128. Babaloo!Copy !req
129. You are strong, you are invincible,
you are woman.Copy !req
130. Welcome once again to the show
by, for and about women.Copy !req
131. Go on, girl!Copy !req
132. All right. I'm your host,
Shiwanda Harvey.Copy !req
133. Today's show is going to be
a little different.Copy !req
134. For the first time, we're going
to have men on Go On Girl.Copy !req
135. - Ooh.!
- Now hold on, sisters.Copy !req
136. These aren't your
typical worthless males.Copy !req
137. They're sensitive outcasts
from their gender.Copy !req
138. Let's have a big "Go on, boy"
for Gregory Miller and Lionel Baker.Copy !req
139. - Go on, boy.!
- All right.Copy !req
140. You two are a rare breed of men...Copy !req
141. almost worthy of sharing
this earth with us.Copy !req
142. All right. Gregory,
you wrote the book...Copy !req
143. The Man Who Hates
Men Who Hate Women.Copy !req
144. Tell me, who are
these men you hate?Copy !req
145. Well, Shiwanda, you know the type.Copy !req
146. The type of man that
picks up a woman, sleeps with her...Copy !req
147. and then splits around 2:00 a.m.Copy !req
148. - Go on, boy.
- Go on, boy.Copy !req
149. I figure, you know, why split?Copy !req
150. Stick around,
get some breakfast or something.Copy !req
151. Breakfast?Copy !req
152. I mean, of course,
I'd be cooking.Copy !req
153. Shiwanda, I don't know what kind of game
this guy is trying to play...Copy !req
154. but I think men who have sex
without commitment...Copy !req
155. are animals.Copy !req
156. - Go on, boy.!
- Go on, boy.Copy !req
157. Commitment, right.
I wasn't even thinking.Copy !req
158. You know, sometimes
I need a woman stronger than myself...Copy !req
159. to get me back on the right track.Copy !req
160. Oh. I'm strong like that.Copy !req
161. Go on, girl.!Copy !req
162. Fine, but a woman shouldn't
have to lead a man around by the...Copy !req
163. I mean, a man should take it
upon himself to wash the dishes...Copy !req
164. do the laundry
and the vacuuming if need be.Copy !req
165. - Go on, boy.!
- That's the kind of man I like.Copy !req
166. Well, how do you feel about a man
who takes care of children?Copy !req
167. Oh, yes. There's something about
a man holding dirty diapers in his hands.Copy !req
168. Mm-hmm! Makes me
just weak in the knees.Copy !req
169. Takes care of the children?
Excuse me.Copy !req
170. I want to have the children...Copy !req
171. as you can see in my book...Copy !req
172. She's Having My Baby...
Why Can't I?Copy !req
173. - Go on, boy!
- I just want to have a baby so badly.Copy !req
174. I want to experience it
the natural way.Copy !req
175. I'm sorry, Shiwanda. I didn't mean
to get emotional on the show.Copy !req
176. Let it go.Copy !req
177. It's just that...Copy !req
178. - when I think about the beauty...
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
179. - Of holding a baby against your breast...
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
180. - All swelled with milk...
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
181. And that I'll never know...
that kind of joy.Copy !req
182. - Go on, girl.
- Go on, girl.!Copy !req
183. Breast swelled with milk?
What a wuss.Copy !req
184. Excuse me?Copy !req
185. Oh, don't let him get to you, Lionel.Copy !req
186. There's nothing at all wrong with having
a highly developed feminine sensibility.Copy !req
187. Why, some of my best friends are...Copy !req
188. - Shut up. I'm no wuss, man.
- Oh, yeah? Prove it.Copy !req
189. - Oh, now...
- Last month I slept with 10 women.Copy !req
190. - That's nothing to be proud of.
- It sure isn't.Copy !req
191. That's an easy afternoon for me, buddy.Copy !req
192. Yeah, well, I guess it takes
a little longer to get from job to job...Copy !req
193. - when you're moving heavy equipment.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
194. Yeah!Copy !req
195. Men are all alike.Copy !req
196. You know, you two aren't at all sensitive.Copy !req
197. You're as bad as all the rest.
I mean, really.Copy !req
198. We got books to sell!Copy !req
199. Get out, boy.!Copy !req
200. - Shut up!
- Girlfriends, there you have it.Copy !req
201. Now we know what they really think
and what they think with.Copy !req
202. Uh-huh.
I make you this promise:Copy !req
203. No more men on
Go On Girl.Copy !req
204. - Yeah, you love it!
- Yeah, you love it!Copy !req
205. - Good night, everybody.
- Go on, girl.!Copy !req
206. Legally repressing my "ballsitude,"Copy !req
207. I've retracted my "godads"
with gigantic proportions.Copy !req
208. And the signing
of the prohibition, you see...Copy !req
209. defecates the fluids of the tension...Copy !req
210. between the essence of
the Euro intercourse, you see.Copy !req
211. A. T. + T. Allows you
to reach out and touch someone...Copy !req
212. even when they
don't get out much.Copy !req
213. Right, exactly.
Okay, brother, okay.Copy !req
214. - See, all you're doing right now...
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
215. - Is flatulating your liquids, okay...
- That's pretty good.Copy !req
216. - Because I believe it was Homo erectus...
- Right.Copy !req
217. - That said to expose
the hemorrhoidal ramification...
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
218. - Would merely delineate the colonic orifice...
- Ooh!Copy !req
219. Thereby separating the gluteus
from the maximus.Copy !req
220. - Well, Homo was very deep...
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
221. - But you seem to masticate
the proclamation, my brother...
- Okay.Copy !req
222. Because the gastrointestinal phlebitis...Copy !req
223. - prostigates the "crustation" of the colostomy...
- Okay.Copy !req
224. - If that's your bag.
- Uh-huh, for sure!Copy !req
225. Right. And further "hindrant"
the pyorrhea, which has...Copy !req
226. - Excuse me?
- Uh, you got me, brother.Copy !req
227. - The diarrhea.
- Okay.Copy !req
228. Moving toward the angina or "bagina"...Copy !req
229. - depending on how much time you got.
- Man, you are Metamucil.Copy !req
230. I know, I know.Copy !req
231. All right.Copy !req
232. Welcome back to the
Miss Black Person U.S.A. Beauty Pageant...Copy !req
233. at the Lola Falana Recreational Center...Copy !req
234. in beautiful downtown
Motown, Detroit City.Copy !req
235. Give yourselves a hand, would ya?
All right.Copy !req
236. Now, I'm your host,
Mr. Lamar Hightower.Copy !req
237. Would you give it up for me?Copy !req
238. Thank you so much.Copy !req
239. Now, we're getting much closer
to that very big moment.Copy !req
240. But now let's take time to review...Copy !req
241. the swimsuit and talent
competition, shall we?Copy !req
242. Beautiful, aren't they?
Give them another hand, y'all.Copy !req
243. Look here, it's time for the talent...Copy !req
244. and these girls have plenty of it.Copy !req
245. First up, reciting an original
poem entitled "The Butterfly,"Copy !req
246. the Windy City's very own...Copy !req
247. - Zahara Nariba Patterson.Copy !req
248. I... am... Africa!Copy !req
249. A tear...Copy !req
250. falls from my...Copy !req
251. Next, from the balsa wood capital of America...Copy !req
252. performing an exciting
new rendition of Shaft...Copy !req
253. Charlotte, North Carolina's own
Lahonda Watkins.Copy !req
254. Give it up.Copy !req
255. And finally, performing
an original song entitled "I Am Woman,"Copy !req
256. Oaktown, California's own
Miss Alfreda Hill.Copy !req
257. All right.
Everybody having fun?Copy !req
258. I know I am.
All right, y'all.Copy !req
259. Look here, we would show y'all
the other two contestants' talent segments...Copy !req
260. but since we running out of time and
they ain't gonna win anyway, who cares?Copy !req
261. Now that you know
who our final three contestants are...Copy !req
262. - let's get to the judges' questions, shall we?Copy !req
263. If you could run the world,
what would you do different?Copy !req
264. I believe all people are nice...Copy !req
265. even though they
get mad sometimes.Copy !req
266. My personal hero is
someone who never got mad...Copy !req
267. who always turned
the other cheek...Copy !req
268. the Reverend
Martin Luther King, Jr.Copy !req
269. - Thank you.
- All right. Thank you.Copy !req
270. If you were stranded
on a desert island...Copy !req
271. - what are the things you'd bring along?
- That'll definitely be...Copy !req
272. the teachings of the Reverend
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.!Copy !req
273. Please define the word "joy."Copy !req
274. Joy, sir?Copy !req
275. I do not know the meaning of the word.Copy !req
276. But the Reverend Martin Luther King did.Copy !req
277. - Thank you.
- Thank you.Copy !req
278. Thank you, ladies.
Give 'em a hand, would you?Copy !req
279. Hey, y'all, guess what time it is.Copy !req
280. It's time to announce the winner.Copy !req
281. Judges, I don't envy you,
but give me the answer.Copy !req
282. - Ooh, I'm nervous.Copy !req
283. Our second runner-up...Copy !req
284. Charlotte, North Carolina's own
Lahonda Watkins.Copy !req
285. First runner-up, and in the event
that something should happen...Copy !req
286. to our new 1990
Miss Black Person U.S. A...Copy !req
287. you will, of course,
be required to assume the crown...Copy !req
288. Chicago's own
Zahara Nariba Patterson.Copy !req
289. Ladies and gentlemen, 1990
Miss Black Person U.S.A., Alfreda Hill.!Copy !req
290. - Congratulations!Copy !req
291. Thank you very much.Copy !req
292. Tommy, you do the honors, man.Copy !req
293. Yo, we'll see you next week
on In Living Color. Chillin'!Copy !req
294. Oh, damn!Copy !req