1. - Um, Shawn, where's the dancers?
- I don't know, Keenen.Copy !req
2. Anybody check their
dressing rooms? What's up?Copy !req
3. - I don't know, man.
You can check my dressing room.Copy !req
4. All right. I'm going
to see what's going on.Copy !req
5. Boy, this is so weird.
They're usually so responsible.Copy !req
6. Hey, hey, hey.
What's going on here, ladies?Copy !req
7. - Hi, Keenen.
- Why aren't you guys on stage?Copy !req
8. Hey, sorry, Keenen. I guess we just got
caught up in this open-heart surgery thing.Copy !req
9. Well, you guys
are my dancers, remember?Copy !req
10. Keenen, the only reason we're dancing
is to work our way through medical school.Copy !req
11. Well, look, until med school is finished,
you have a contract with me.Copy !req
12. Now, someone has
to start the show.Copy !req
13. - Well, Keenen, we have this patient.
- Well, go on, ladies.Copy !req
14. I feel better already.Copy !req
15. - Could you close for us?
- Excuse me?Copy !req
16. We'll open for you
if you close for us.Copy !req
17. Here, it's just like sewing on a button.Copy !req
18. Good luck.Copy !req
19. And you guys thought
they were just sex objects.Copy !req
20. - I know I did.Copy !req
21. SW1, kick it.Copy !req
22. And now, from the Faith Ministry Church...Copy !req
23. it's time once again for another
Hour Of Power TVprayer.Copy !req
24. - Hallelujah.
- Hallelujah, brothers.Copy !req
25. Hallelujah!Copy !req
26. Greetings, brothers and sisters.Copy !req
27. Welcome to another Hour Of Power.
This is TV prayer.Copy !req
28. My name is the Reverend M. Cash.
Cash Money, y'all.Copy !req
29. And I'm Reverend Dr. Carl Pathos.Copy !req
30. - And we're gonna double-team your faith today.
- Praise the Lord.Copy !req
31. That's right. We're gonna reach down
into your soul and get you in the mood.Copy !req
32. We're gonna get you excited.
We're gonna make you feel good.Copy !req
33. I'm telling you, if all I had
was a clock in my pants...Copy !req
34. it would be high noon right now.Copy !req
35. Well, I think you need to keep that time
to yourself, Reverend.Copy !req
36. - Pardon me then.
- No, today's lesson is about tithing.Copy !req
37. That's right. Now I know we've talked
about giving of 10% of your earnings.Copy !req
38. We talked about that last week
and the week before.Copy !req
39. And we're gonna keep talking about it
till y'all get it right.Copy !req
40. We never get tired of that subject
because the Lord says...Copy !req
41. you must store up treasures
in heaven and not on earth.Copy !req
42. That's right. That's why there's
a hole in the ozone layer now...Copy !req
43. 'cause you've all been
tardy with your payments.Copy !req
44. That's right.
Now some of you...Copy !req
45. some of you have been trying
to skate by on five and six percent.Copy !req
46. Nice try, but you cannot
fool the Lord!Copy !req
47. Now, I'm gonna read off
some names right now...Copy !req
48. and I want you to stand up
when you hear your name.Copy !req
49. - Raymond Gary.
- Up on your feet.Copy !req
50. - Dorothy Bill.
- Rise and shine.Copy !req
51. - Joe Wilson.
- Yo, Joe.Copy !req
52. Now, your checks have bounced.Copy !req
53. Get out.Copy !req
54. I rebuke you. Get out, and take your fat wife
with you. Get on out ofhere.Copy !req
55. That's a sin.
That's an unforgivable sin.Copy !req
56. I can feel the sin
in this room tonight.Copy !req
57. It is that temptation
that would make a woman...Copy !req
58. sell her body
for upwards of $40...Copy !req
59. even though she wanted it
as much as I did.Copy !req
60. I have sinned against you!Copy !req
61. I think what Reverend Pathos
is trying to say...Copy !req
62. is that we've all sinned.Copy !req
63. Not like me.Copy !req
64. Well, we ain't all freakazoids
like you, but we've all sinned.Copy !req
65. - You see, that's why you're here today.
- Amen.Copy !req
66. - But that's okay, see, 'cause the Lord forgives.
- The Lord forgives.Copy !req
67. - He's forgiven me and will forgive you too.
- He does.Copy !req
68. - I know because I've talked to the Lord.
- That's right.Copy !req
69. I've talked to him in tongues.Copy !req
70. That's right. That's the only way
to get to the Lord.Copy !req
71. He don't answer if you just say,
"Hey, Lord." You gotta speak in a tongue.Copy !req
72. - And this man can do it.
- Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.Copy !req
73. - I got a call right now.
- Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
74. And I'm back.Copy !req
75. And the Lord said to tell you hi.Copy !req
76. Whoo! I got the spirit.
I feel like healing.Copy !req
77. Yes!Copy !req
78. We have a candidate right here,
Reverend, sitting right in front of us.Copy !req
79. - Bring me up someone.
- Come on up here, son.Copy !req
80. - What is your affliction, brother?
- I can't move my leg.Copy !req
81. You can't move your leg?
Well, let me get the spirit.Copy !req
82. Let me put my hand on it.
I think I feel it. Oh, here it is.Copy !req
83. This is what's been holding you down.
This wallet's been holding you down.Copy !req
84. - You are healed. Get on out of here.
- I can't walk!Copy !req
85. Praise the Lord.
The spirit has been lifted.Copy !req
86. - Amen.
- Amen.Copy !req
87. Yes!Copy !req
88. - Now you've seen the Lord in effect.
- You have seen him.Copy !req
89. - You've witnessed the Lord's spirit.
- You were there!Copy !req
90. - Now, it's time to pay the Lord.
- Pay him up.Copy !req
91. - Pay that man his money.
Now, while I collect the offerings...Copy !req
92. Brother Pathos here
will lead us in a song.Copy !req
93. Brother Pathos.Copy !req
94. Wait a minute. Hold on.Copy !req
95. - This ain't working.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
96. One dollar.
What's this, one dollar?Copy !req
97. No, no, we tried to do it
the Lord's way.Copy !req
98. Now we're gonna do it the good old
125th Street and Seventh Avenue way.Copy !req
99. Give us the money now.
Pay the Lord.Copy !req
100. You wanted heaven.
Now reach for it.Copy !req
101. And give me them alligator shoes.Copy !req
102. Give it up. Give it up.Copy !req
103. - I want shoes!
- Now you're giving, brothers.Copy !req
104. You're giving now.Copy !req
105. I didn't think I was ever gonna find
this wedding reception.Copy !req
106. But I'm certainly glad to be here
with all my favorite people.Copy !req
107. Oh, look at me just rattling on and on
like you'd know who I am.Copy !req
108. Hi, I'm Benita Batrell. You know,
from over there in Hopkins Projects.Copy !req
109. Yeah, I'm a friend of the bride's.
Me and Althea go way back, honey.Copy !req
110. That's my homegirl there. I loves me
some Althea. Oh, there she go now.Copy !req
111. Althea! Hey, Althea!Copy !req
112. Girl, look at you. Hubba, hubba,
zing, zing. Althea, you got everything.Copy !req
113. Look at you.
The blushing bride. Whoo!Copy !req
114. I guess you'd be blushing too if you just
got through doing the Humpty Dance...Copy !req
115. with the best man
in the men's room.Copy !req
116. That's a slut on wheels there. Honey,
don't ask me what the men see in her.Copy !req
117. The girl's so ugly she gotta sneak up
on a glass of water to get a drink.Copy !req
118. But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard it from me.Copy !req
119. Hmm? Of course I was invited.
I just didn't get my invitation, that's all.Copy !req
120. Probably too damn cheap to mail it.
But I know I was invited.Copy !req
121. Oh, look it here. There go Lester.
That's the groom there.Copy !req
122. Lester! L-L-L-L-Lester!Copy !req
123. Oh!Copy !req
124. What you sweating about?
You already said "I do."Copy !req
125. He's just as nervous
as he can be. Mmm.Copy !req
126. You'd be nervous too if you were waiting on your
test results to come back from the free clinic.Copy !req
127. But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.Copy !req
128. Whoo, girl, I'm so hungry
I could eat a horse.Copy !req
129. Look like that's
what they're serving too.Copy !req
130. I guess Mr. Ed finally
met his maker.Copy !req
131. This food is so nasty even the roaches
done signed up for food stamps.Copy !req
132. I sure hope they got a stomach pump
for a wedding present.Copy !req
133. Hmm? Of course I was invited.Copy !req
134. Oh, look. Look.
There goes Althea's niece Sharena.Copy !req
135. Hey, Sharena.
Hey, Sh-Sh-Sharena.Copy !req
136. Ah. How's my little baby doing?Copy !req
137. Oh, you look beautiful, hair all done up
in those little Shirley Temple curls.Copy !req
138. You look like a little angel.Copy !req
139. Little devil's more like it.
Wouldn't surprise me none...Copy !req
140. if her nappy head spun around
and started speaking in tongues.Copy !req
141. But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.Copy !req
142. No, you haven't.Copy !req
143. Oh, boy. Yeah.Copy !req
144. Mm-mm-mm.
I love me some weddings.Copy !req
145. I don't know
what's going on these days.Copy !req
146. Everyone just rushing to get married.
What's the big rush? You know what it is?Copy !req
147. These women out here want a man
who can do something for them.Copy !req
148. But I'll tell you what.
Benita does for herself.Copy !req
149. You see this mink here?
I bought that myself. Yes, I did.Copy !req
150. It used to be full-length.
Long and lush.Copy !req
151. Looked like a queen, honey.
Used to call me Queen Benita.Copy !req
152. But one day I was heating up
some pig feet, my coat caught on fire.Copy !req
153. And this is all that's left.Copy !req
154. Yeah, honey. See, I got me something.
Yes, I do. I got me something.Copy !req
155. And speaking of having something,
there goes the Reverend Atkins...Copy !req
156. up there having hisself
another drink.Copy !req
157. Reverend Atkins. Reverend Atkins.Copy !req
158. It's me, Baby "B."
How you doing?Copy !req
159. God, that was a beautiful ceremony.
Just brought tears to my eyes.Copy !req
160. You gonna marry me
when I'm ready?Copy !req
161. Well, you go on now, 'cause you certainly
outdid yourself. Drink up. Drink up.Copy !req
162. Hmm? Oh. Oh, that's
Miss Jenkins over there.Copy !req
163. That's a fine example of a human being.
I love me some Miss Jenkins.Copy !req
164. I dare somebody say something bad
about Miss Jenkins.Copy !req
165. Don't nobody dare say nothing bad about
Miss Jenkins, 'cause that's when I lose it.Copy !req
166. That's when I go off.Copy !req
167. That's a fine, fine lady.Copy !req
168. Mm-hmm. Just don't get
too close to her.Copy !req
169. Breath so bad she singe
the hair on your nostrils.Copy !req
170. But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.Copy !req
171. No, you haven't.Copy !req
172. Say what?
Oh, this your seat.Copy !req
173. Well, mine must be over there somewhere,
'cause I know I was invited.Copy !req
174. Even though this is the damn cheesiest
wedding I've ever been to in my life.Copy !req
175. But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard it from me.Copy !req
176. What's the matter, Tom?
You look down.Copy !req
177. Well, I hired another white incompetent
applicant for a management position...Copy !req
178. and gave the overqualified black applicant
the entry-level office job again.Copy !req
179. - I feel so terrible.
- I know what you mean, hon.Copy !req
180. I called the cops on some black kids
that were asking for donations...Copy !req
181. for the United Negro
Scholarship fund.Copy !req
182. I just assumed they were gang members.
I feel terrible too.Copy !req
183. Has this ever happened to you?Copy !req
184. Well, now you can unload
your guilt in minutes for only $5.95.Copy !req
185. - That's right... $5.95.
- How?Copy !req
186. By simply dialing
1- 900-Y.T. GUIL T.Copy !req
187. Your call will be answered by an educated,
militant Afro-American person.Copy !req
188. Press 1 for housing discrimination,
press 2 forjob discrimination...Copy !req
189. or press 3 for plain old scared
your daughter might marry one of them fear.Copy !req
190. This is the Minister Louis Farrakhan.Copy !req
191. And what is your crime?Copy !req
192. Well, they had a vote for
affirmative action on the job today...Copy !req
193. and I vetoed it.Copy !req
194. Why? Are you afraid that if given
a position of authority in that office...Copy !req
195. that black man will repay you
for your 300 years of oppression?Copy !req
196. - Yes, that's it.
- Or is the real fear...Copy !req
197. that you'll be standing side by side
in the executive washroom...Copy !req
198. and accidentally look over
and be reminded...Copy !req
199. of your anatomical inferiority?Copy !req
200. You are so spot on.
Please, continue. I deserve this.Copy !req
201. - Well, wait, honey. I wanna talk too.Copy !req
202. Hello, uh, Mr. Farrakhan.
I'm his wife.Copy !req
203. Hello, white wife.
And what is your crime?Copy !req
204. Well, I have this terrible
distrust of black people.Copy !req
205. In fact, a man was walking
behind me today.Copy !req
206. And I became so afraid
I began to run just as fast as I could.Copy !req
207. And even though he wasn't chasing me,
I felt as though he wanted something.Copy !req
208. Don't you see, it is
your own admission of guilt?Copy !req
209. The fear is your fantasy...Copy !req
210. - of what you really wanted from him.
- Yes.Copy !req
211. To be taken away
to the motherland.Copy !req
212. Set free to run naked
in the jungle...Copy !req
213. begging to be dominated
by the masters of that land.Copy !req
214. - Yes, yes, yes!
- Hey, hey. Don't hog it.Copy !req
215. Mr. Farrakhan,
I have one more confession.Copy !req
216. I'm sorry. Your time is up.Copy !req
217. But wait. I was just about
to denounce my race.Copy !req
218. Listen, if I call you back,
will you browbeat us some more?Copy !req
219. Certainly, you small-minded,
anal-retentive, piece of trailer trash.Copy !req
220. I threw that one in for free.Copy !req
221. Thanks! We'll call right back.Copy !req
222. Call 1-900-Y.T. GUIL Tnow...Copy !req
223. and let one of our angry Afro-American
operators put you in your place.Copy !req
224. You can unload a whole day
of guilt in just minutes.Copy !req
225. Well, I feel so much better.Copy !req
226. Let's watch Arsenio.Copy !req
227. Dial 1-900-Y.T. GUIL T.Copy !req
228. Abusers are standing by.Copy !req
229. Come on, whitey.
Make that call.Copy !req
230. - Here we go.Copy !req
231. - Oh, look who it is.
- Good morning, Ruth.Copy !req
232. You know, there's nothing like starting
my day downwind of you, baby.Copy !req
233. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
234. Al, I really have to
get in my class...Copy !req
235. I got a couple tickets
for the Spread Eagle Lounge.Copy !req
236. - That's dinner and dancing.
- Drop dead.Copy !req
237. Yeah, you know, I used to be able
to boogie down with the best of them...Copy !req
238. before I shattered this old hip.Copy !req
239. Still got a few good moves
left in me. Doorbell.Copy !req
240. Atta girl. Give me
all the woman you got.Copy !req
241. You know, I think it's high time
you heard Mr. MacAfee's speech on chicks.Copy !req
242. Once you drink from the fountain of Al,
make you one thirsty gal.Copy !req
243. Go to hell, MacAfee.Copy !req
244. Oh, she wants me.
Beggin' like a dog.Copy !req
245. Three, two, one.Copy !req
246. All right, people, freeze.Copy !req
247. Let's get one thing straight.Copy !req
248. From locker 57 down to the exit sign,
that's MacAfee turf.Copy !req
249. I own you people,
ya understand?Copy !req
250. All right, carry on.Copy !req
251. Hey, partner. I thought I told you
to cut that hair, big guy.Copy !req
252. That goes on
your yellow sheet, man.Copy !req
253. - Hardison.
- Ow, ow!Copy !req
254. - What do you got there, son?
- Ow. It's my science project.Copy !req
255. - I have to turn it in or I'll flunk.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
256. Let me see that thing.
What the hell is it?Copy !req
257. It's a C130 troop transport. It's very fragile.
It took me six months to build. Please.Copy !req
258. What the hell's
it made out of, son?Copy !req
259. Four thousand,
288 Popsicle sticks.Copy !req
260. - It's very fragile. Please, be careful.
- Well, that's pretty impressive...Copy !req
261. but I think one of your doohickeys
is out of whack here.Copy !req
262. - Let me see if I can fix it.
- Mr. MacAfee, there's no doohickey.Copy !req
263. - No! No!
- You know, Hardison...Copy !req
264. I think it's high time you heard
Mr. MacAfee's speech on work, son.Copy !req
265. If you don't plan on doing it right,
plan on doing it again, boy.Copy !req
266. - That's not fair!
- Who said anything about life being fair, son?Copy !req
267. Life's not fair.
You see this hip?Copy !req
268. I shattered it playing an innocent game
ofTwister. That's right.Copy !req
269. Left hand, blue dot.
That's all she wrote.Copy !req
270. Now pick up those Popsicle sticks
before I put you on report, Einstein.Copy !req
271. - Ringleader, right here.
- You're hurting my arm.Copy !req
272. Now, where's your hall pass, princess?Copy !req
273. I don't have one.
We're between classes.Copy !req
274. I think it's high time you heard
Mr. MacAfee's speech on back talk.Copy !req
275. Too much sass, no hall pass,
adds up to one thing.Copy !req
276. Detention, little Miss Lippy.
Let's go.Copy !req
277. - But I didn't say anything.
- Are you calling Mr. MacAfee a liar?Copy !req
278. - No, I swear.
- Oh, now you're swearing.Copy !req
279. No, you're getting all mixed up.Copy !req
280. - Mr. MacAfee's getting all mixed up?
- No, this is crazy.Copy !req
281. Nobody calls MacAfee crazy, baby.
Come on, you little biker chick!Copy !req
282. Throw your best shot.
Come on, baby! Come on!Copy !req
283. Hit me right here on the noggin.
Twenty-one years of jujitsu.Copy !req
284. You're gonna be a grandma
by the time you graduate from here!Copy !req
285. - This is for your own good, son.
- Hey!Copy !req
286. I think it's high time you heard
Mr. MacAfee's speech on drugs, buster.Copy !req
287. Stay away from goofballs
'cause they make you goofy.Copy !req
288. Please, I'm having an asthma...Copy !req
289. For the love of Pete,
look at those pupils.Copy !req
290. You're goofy right now,
aren't you, mister?Copy !req
291. I can't breathe.Copy !req
292. Of course you can't.
Why do you think they call it dope?Copy !req
293. Now that's the spirit.Copy !req
294. You know, cold turkey's the only way
to get that monkey off your back, buddy.Copy !req
295. - Sleep it off, that's right. Carry on.Copy !req
296. - Maca-freak!
- Hey, fool!Copy !req
297. You couldn't catch a fly.Copy !req
298. All right, boys, I want your names.
I'm putting you on report.Copy !req
299. - Seymour Heinie.
- Buster Hymen.Copy !req
300. - Ben Dover.
- All right, Heinie, Hymen, Dover.Copy !req
301. Your names are right down here.
They're going on report.Copy !req
302. This little incident's gonna
cost you your future, son.Copy !req
303. Your lives are in ruins now, kids!Copy !req
304. Yeah, I think they know
who's in charge here.Copy !req
305. Al MacAfee, that's who.Copy !req
306. All right.Copy !req
307. Well, hope you had fun tonight.Copy !req
308. Taking us home, a young lady
who comes to us all the way from London.Copy !req
309. So put your hands together,
have a good time with Monie Love.Copy !req
310. Come on, everyone!
Let's see some energy.Copy !req
311. Yeah! Get up off your seats.
Up off your seats.Copy !req
312. Everyone. Yeah.Copy !req
313. Let's see some energy
over this side. Yeah!Copy !req
314. Ah, yeah. Everybody.Copy !req