1. How you doin'? I'm Keenen Ivory Wayans.
Thanks for tunin' in.Copy !req
2. I know some of y'all
sittin' out there thinkin'...Copy !req
3. "Yo, homeboy."
What?Copy !req
4. "Yo, yo, yo!
Ho-Ho-Ho-Homeboy!"Copy !req
5. What?Copy !req
6. "When you gonna put all the best
of In Living Color in one show?Copy !req
7. "Just pack it up, you know,
all that stuff...Copy !req
8. "Homey, Homeboys, 'Men On,'Copy !req
9. all them little doodad things."Copy !req
10. Boom! Guess what?
I did that for ya.Copy !req
11. Sit back and check it out.
Peace.Copy !req
12. - Rocky!
- Rocky, I know this is your big comeback...Copy !req
13. and I know I came back from the dead to train you,
but this fight is pure insanity!Copy !req
14. No way, brother.
You just wanna humil... humil...Copy !req
15. Easy, Rocky.
Not too many syllables.Copy !req
16. I got light-headed there. Listen, I still got
the eye of the tiger. You know that.Copy !req
17. Look, Rocky, you got the eye of a tiger
and the I.Q. Of a lima bean.Copy !req
18. You're not gonna be fighting a man tonight.
You'll be fightin' an animal.Copy !req
19. Animals don't scare me.Copy !req
20. - Yeah? Well, this one will.Copy !req
21. Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!Copy !req
22. All right, fans.
Here we go. In the red corner...Copy !req
23. - the challenger: Rocky Balboa!Copy !req
24. And in the blue corner,
the undisputed champion of the world.Copy !req
25. Let's give it up
for GraceJones!Copy !req
26. - Rocky Vl: The Ultimate Challenge.Copy !req
27. - Hello, Rocky. Do you find me sexy?Copy !req
28. I said,
do you find me sexy?Copy !req
29. To tell you the truth, Grace, you're
startin' to scare me a little.Copy !req
30. Harder! Faster! Harder! Faster!Copy !req
31. Harder! Faster!Copy !req
32. Enough of the foreplay, Rocky.
Is it gonna be your place or mine?Copy !req
33. Aw, come on, Grace.
I got a wife and kid.Copy !req
34. Then I guess
it's gonna be mine, Rocky.Copy !req
35. - Adrian!Copy !req
36. - Adrian!
Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.!Copy !req
37. Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.!
Rocky.! Rocky.! Rocky.!Copy !req
38. First, Lou Ferrigno was The Incredible Hulk.Copy !req
39. Then Arnold Schwarzenegger
was Conan.Copy !req
40. And now, world champion
female bodybuilder Vera De Milo...Copy !req
41. explodes upon the screen as...Copy !req
42. Veracosa, Mistress of Destruction.Copy !req
43. Watch Vera's biceps bulge...Copy !req
44. as she summons
the spirit Dianabol.Copy !req
45. Watch her belly bulge
as she lets loose the wind of the gods.Copy !req
46. You'll marvel at all
of Vera's incredible bulges.Copy !req
47. Yaah! Whoa!Copy !req
48. What's a girl to do?Copy !req
49. Yaah! Whoo!Copy !req
50. Yaah!Copy !req
51. Thanks for hangin' around.Copy !req
52. Hey. No fair.Copy !req
53. Ow!Copy !req
54. Ah!Copy !req
55. At last we meet,
my dreaded Veracosa.Copy !req
56. I am Kee-Man
of the Hanna-Barberians.Copy !req
57. I am he that must
vanquish thee from thine.Copy !req
58. Therefore, I am, I must.Copy !req
59. I don't understand
a word you're saying.Copy !req
60. What kind of language
is that?Copy !req
61. It is the tongue
of my native land, Dyslexia.Copy !req
62. Now, say you'll be my bride.Copy !req
63. And together we will rule
the Erudites.Copy !req
64. You are brave
as well as beautiful.Copy !req
65. That excites me.Copy !req
66. You shall never taste
my ambrosia, Kee-Man.Copy !req
67. - For I am Veracosa...Copy !req
68. of British Caledonia,
keeper of Nautilus...Copy !req
69. and deceptor of urinalysis.Copy !req
70. Very well.Copy !req
71. Then what I cannot have...Copy !req
72. take it I shall.Copy !req
73. Yes. I shall unleash
the mammaries...Copy !req
74. - that kings and princes have died for.Copy !req
75. I can't believe
you just did that!Copy !req
76. I am so humiliated!Copy !req
77. Now you've asked for it.Copy !req
78. No! No, not the poison pit.Copy !req
79. - Oh! Oh, no!
- Sleep well, Kee-Man.Copy !req
80. Let that be a lesson
to all those who practice evil.Copy !req
81. When you mess
with my breasts...Copy !req
82. you die like the rest!Copy !req
83. Vera! Vera! Vera! Vera!Copy !req
84. Veracosa, Mistress of Destruction...Copy !req
85. coming soon
to a theater near you.Copy !req
86. Ohh!
Oh, Lord have mercy.Copy !req
87. - My dear sisters and brethren,Copy !req
88. We are gathered here to bid farewell
to a great blues singer.Copy !req
89. - Amen.
- Mississippi "Fat Back" Witherspoon.Copy !req
90. Fat Back!Copy !req
91. Now, he-he wanted this
to be a joyous occasion.Copy !req
92. He didn't want us carrying on.Copy !req
93. So I present his friend,
Mr. Calhoun Tubbs.Copy !req
94. Thank you very much.
Thank you, Reverend.Copy !req
95. Look here.
No disrespect to the family...Copy !req
96. but, uh, Calhoun's 900 Greatest Hits
is available on eight-track cassette in the lobby.Copy !req
97. $3.95. Of course, you get
a complimentary copy, son.Copy !req
98. You know, Fat Back wanted this
to be a joyous occasion...Copy !req
99. so I thought I might sing a few songs,
tell some funny stories about my good friend.Copy !req
100. Now, you all know Fat Back
loved him some catfish.Copy !req
101. - Amen.
- I say, Fat Back loved him some catfish.Copy !req
102. - Amen.
- The only thing he loved more
than some of that channel cat...Copy !req
103. was that little baby girl child.Copy !req
104. Lord, that girl could cook.!Copy !req
105. You know, she done cooked some
catfish for him the day he died.Copy !req
106. Wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.Copy !req
107. - Thank you very much.Copy !req
108. Now, don't get me wrong now.
Fat Back wasn't no skirt chaser.Copy !req
109. No, no, no. He did what he did
on account of his son.Copy !req
110. He loved that boy.
Wrote a song about it.Copy !req
111. Like to hear it?
Here it go.Copy !req
112. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
113. You know, that was the first standing ovation
I ever got in my long career.Copy !req
114. You know, I'd like to thank y'all
for letting me take time...Copy !req
115. to share these few loving memories
about my good old buddy Fat Back.Copy !req
116. You know, he was always thinking
about his wife and family.Copy !req
117. But he lived just for today.
That's kind of like what made him so special.Copy !req
118. Wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.Copy !req
119. Now that's the second
standing ovation I ever got.Copy !req
120. Thank you very much.
See you next time.Copy !req
121. Public Access Television
Channel 53 presents: Men on Vacation.Copy !req
122. - Hello. I'm Blayne Edwards.
- And I'm Antoine Merryweather.Copy !req
123. And welcome to Men on Vacation.Copy !req
124. Today we'll be reviewing
our little European vacation.Copy !req
125. From a male point of view.Copy !req
126. Here we are on our last stop
on our whirlwind gallivant through Europa.Copy !req
127. Wait a minute.
We got a new sponsor.Copy !req
128. Somebody better
check their mail.Copy !req
129. Tonight's broadcast
is brought to you byJewels...Copy !req
130. the gum that explodes
in your mouth.Copy !req
131. I bet you just can't chew one.Copy !req
132. And who'd want to?Copy !req
133. We started
our little trip in Greece.Copy !req
134. The Greek peoples
was so nice.Copy !req
135. Yes. They bent over backwards
to show us a good time.Copy !req
136. Oh, look.
Excuse me.Copy !req
137. Not you, fish.
You go back in the sea.Copy !req
138. Garçon.Copy !req
139. Oh, may I
have another Wallbanger?Copy !req
140. - And for monsieur?
- Oui, oui.Copy !req
141. - Bottoms up.
- Ditto.Copy !req
142. Is that little Ricky Schroder?
What's he doin' here? Don't let him see me.Copy !req
143. - Who's that with him?
- You know, I think that's Erik Estrada.Copy !req
144. Oh, well. Anyway.
Next we went to Holland, land of dikes.Copy !req
145. Hated it!Copy !req
146. And from there,
it was on to merry old England.Copy !req
147. - Remember Big Ben?
- Oh, how could I forget it?Copy !req
148. It was so nice of him
to show us around the city.Copy !req
149. Excuse me.
Big Ben was a clock.Copy !req
150. Well, we both know
what time that was.Copy !req
151. You'd better stop.Copy !req
152. You know, it's so chilly out here,
my nipples are hard.Copy !req
153. Then it was just a hop, skip and jump
on to gay Paris...Copy !req
154. but we decided to go back
to Greece instead.Copy !req
155. And then it was on
to Scotland.Copy !req
156. You know, I found it
to be quite an open society...Copy !req
157. where mens are free to explore
the feminine side of their nature.Copy !req
158. All those hairy legs and skirts
holdin' them bagpipes.Copy !req
159. Mm-hmm. Not since the Fire Island
Halloween Barn Dance...Copy !req
160. have I seen so many men
in drag.Copy !req
161. Just a hint, fellas:
Plaid is out this fall.Copy !req
162. Our next stop was Sweden, best known
for its beautiful, buxom blondes.Copy !req
163. Hated it!Copy !req
164. So we went back
to Greece.Copy !req
165. But it was very sad when we had
to leave our soldier buddies behind...Copy !req
166. and travel to our final destination:
The French Riviera...Copy !req
167. which is where
we've been ever since.Copy !req
168. Oh, yes. And to sum up our little
European vacation, we're gonna have...Copy !req
169. to give the whole trip a new and improved
around-the-world-and-back snap.Copy !req
170. Tell a friend.Copy !req
171. Tune in next week, when we'll be back
in the good old U.S. Of A...Copy !req
172. reviewing the new release,
Memphis Belle.Copy !req
173. It's the story of 10 young mens
in leather jackets...Copy !req
174. all sweaty, standin'
next to each other...Copy !req
175. and them long, hard bombs
crammed together in a little old cockpit.Copy !req
176. Well, grease my landing gear.
I'm coming in for a landing.Copy !req
177. - Toodle-oo!
- See you next week! Bye!Copy !req
178. Next!Copy !req
179. Listen, do you mind
if I go first?Copy !req
180. I've got to get back
to the stock exchange before 4:00.Copy !req
181. Oh, sure, let you go
embezzle your millions...Copy !req
182. while I struggle to
get by off of minimum wage.Copy !req
183. I don't think so.Copy !req
184. Homey don't play that.Copy !req
185. - Sit down.
- I don't feel like it.Copy !req
186. I said sit down!Copy !req
187. - Name.
- Homey D. Clown.Copy !req
188. Oh, yes. Herman Simpson.Copy !req
189. We know all about you.Copy !req
190. I'm Sally.
I'm your new parole officer.Copy !req
191. - What's that, Sally?
- It's your file.Copy !req
192. Let's see. " Abusive language,
failure to perform prescribed..."Copy !req
193. Save your breath.
That's just another long list of lies...Copy !req
194. perpetrated by the man
to keep a brother down.Copy !req
195. Clown, please. Let's place the blame
where it belongs.Copy !req
196. I believe your anti-social behavior
is the real problem.Copy !req
197. I'll tell you
what the real problem is.Copy !req
198. - The real problem is you're
nothing but a tool of the man.
- You are living in a fantasy.Copy !req
199. - Another oppressor.
- You wanna blame everybody but yourself!Copy !req
200. - You want to break the rules and stay out of jail!
- You don't care about me!Copy !req
201. I don't think so.Copy !req
202. - Yeah!
- It's Homey the clown!Copy !req
203. - Hey, Homey, does your nose squeak?
- Girl, don't touch my nose.Copy !req
204. - Hey, clowny, do a stupid clown trick.
- Yeah!Copy !req
205. - I'd love to.
- Herman!Copy !req
206. - Come on.!
- Yeah, come on.!Copy !req
207. Okay, childrens.
Just one stupid clown trick.Copy !req
208. - Yeah!
- Yea!Copy !req
209. Look at Homey's flower.
Smell Homey's flower.Copy !req
210. - Okay, run along, little children.Copy !req
211. See? He's a stupid
weak clown.Copy !req
212. Now, that's more like
the Herman I want to see.Copy !req
213. He kicked me
in my behind, honey.Copy !req
214. Oh, that's all right. Because you're
starting to act like a real person.Copy !req
215. By the way,
Mama's coming over on Monday.Copy !req
216. And Wednesday
you start your new job.Copy !req
217. But I got a job,
honey bunch.Copy !req
218. I'm a clown, remember?Copy !req
219. You're not a clown.
You're a buffoon.Copy !req
220. I'm talking
about a real job, Herman.Copy !req
221. An entry level position at that fancy
new restaurant I told you about.Copy !req
222. - Not Chez Whitey.
- Yes.Copy !req
223. Look. It's high time
you stopped playing the fool.Copy !req
224. Get yourself out of that ridiculous outfit
and into a regular suit.Copy !req
225. You know, Herman,
I can just picture it.Copy !req
226. You wearing one of those
nice little red valetjackets.Copy !req
227. If you're faithful and humble...Copy !req
228. and do exactly
what the man tells you...Copy !req
229. that means no hostility...Copy !req
230. they might even
let you inside the restaurant.Copy !req
231. The time has come for you
to fit into society.Copy !req
232. Come on, Herman, give it up
and join the establishment.Copy !req
233. - The establishment, huh?
- Yes.Copy !req
234. You want me to put on a little monkey suit
and park cars for the man, huh?Copy !req
235. Maybe if I do real good,
I can move up to washing dishes.Copy !req
236. Then maybe waiting tables.
Who knows?Copy !req
237. Maybe five or six years later...Copy !req
238. I'll be able to
seat Whitey himself.Copy !req
239. - You'd like that, wouldn't you?
- Yes, Herman, I would.Copy !req
240. I don't think so.Copy !req
241. Homey don't play that.Copy !req
242. - I'm telling Daddy.
- Good. Give him this when you see him.Copy !req
243. Hmm. Now, I wonder where those
sweet little childrens went.Copy !req
244. There he is!
I told you he'd still be here.Copy !req
245. Hey, uh... Hey, clown man,
do another trick for us, will ya?Copy !req
246. - Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
247. - Another clown trick, huh?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
248. So you can fall down laughing while I degrade
and shame myself for your amusement, huh?Copy !req
249. - Yeah!
- You'd like that, wouldn't you?Copy !req
250. - Yeah!
- Yeah! Homey! Homey!Copy !req
251. Homey! Homey! Homey!Copy !req
252. - Homey!
- Sit down!Copy !req
253. Gather round,
little chickadees.Copy !req
254. Homey's got a little
love story to tell you.Copy !req
255. - Ooh!
- Now, which one of you kicked me
in my behind earlier?Copy !req
256. - He did!
- Me!Copy !req
257. - Okay, you get up here and be my assistant.
- Yeah!Copy !req
258. Hey!Copy !req
259. Now, once upon a time...Copy !req
260. two lonely hearts
came together.Copy !req
261. - Woo woo.
- Wow.
- Just like this.Copy !req
262. - Ooh.
- Ewww.Copy !req
263. Then love poured all out
from their hearts...Copy !req
264. nice and thick-like.Copy !req
265. Until Homey realized...Copy !req
266. that it was just a trick
to whiten him up, like so.Copy !req
267. And it made his heart beat
over and over and over again.Copy !req
268. The end.Copy !req
269. So, what has our little lesson
taught us if nothing else, childrens?Copy !req
270. Homey don't play that.Copy !req
271. Very good. Now, let's sing
a little Homey love song.Copy !req
272. - You do backup for me, would you?
- Yeah.!Copy !req
273. - I said back me up.Copy !req
274. Hey, hey.! Hey.!Copy !req
275. The white girl is offbeat.Copy !req
276. The end.Copy !req