1. Yeah, I'm standing by. Vice President Quayle
will be approaching shortly.
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2. - Roger. I got that one, Deep Throat.
The eagle has landed.
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3. Tweety is out of his cage.
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4. He's flying over the cuckoo's nest.
Three minutes till condor.
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5. Who are you?
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6. Dickie Peterson, Cherub ofJustice,
here to protect and serve!
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7. Well, the Secret Service
will take care of this, kid.
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8. The last thing we need is some
Guardian Angel troop hanging around here.
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9. I am not a Guardian Angel, sir,
nor do I care to be...
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10. unless they start returning
my phone calls, but fast.
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11. You're gonna have to
step behind that line.
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12. Go undercover?
Mingle with the crowd? Roger!
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13. I know this is against
Cherub regulations...
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14. but, uh, you're Secret Service.
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15. I think I can trust ya.
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16. - Woodchuck?
- It's my code name.
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17. Use it sparingly
and only in an emergency.
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18. You are gonna eat that,
aren't you?
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19. Yeah. Okay,
I'll be right there.
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20. Unauthorized disposal
of classified document.
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21. I'm gonna have to
put him on report.
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22. Also, leaving his post.
Two more demerits.
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23. Looks like I'm gonna have
to secure this perimeter myself.
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24. Hussein!
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25. Sorry about that, miss.
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26. Merely a trained reflex reaction
triggered by potential terrorist activity.
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27. For all I know, that hot dog
could have been a Scud missile...
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28. and its bun,
the mobile launcher.
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29. You are an idiot!
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30. Sticks and stones
may break my bones, miss...
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31. but names are not gonna put
that hot dog back in your mouth.
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32. Sure, go ahead. Get another one.
I'll do it again.
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33. - Situation resolved.
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34. All right, everybody.
Surprise inspection.
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35. The second most powerful man in the
entire world is gonna be by here any second...
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36. and I swear by this trademark
yellow beret...
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37. that every man, woman and child
in my sector will pass muster.
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38. Hey! News flash.
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39. The '60s are over.
Get a haircut, transvestite!
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40. - Suck in your gut.
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41. I better check
into home base.
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42. Woodchuck to Gray Squirrel. Woodchuck
to Gray Squirrel. Come in, Gray Squirrel.
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43. Dickie? Is that you, Dickie?
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44. Yes, Gray Squirrel,
it's Woodchuck!
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45. Listen, Woodchuck. What are these
magazines I found under your bed?
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46. Uh, merely reference material for the scenario
file of my Cherubs ofJustice crime lab.
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47. No, it's not.
It's filthy smut.
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48. When you get home,
I'm going to take you over my knee...
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49. Uh, you're breaking up, Gray Squirrel.
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50. Gray Squirrel? Uh, I can't...
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51. Maintain radio silence.
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52. - The vice president!
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53. Did you see the way
he looked at me?
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54. Did anybody see that?
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55. I think we had a moment there.
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56. - What's that guy doin'?
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57. The vice president's in trouble!
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58. - Sorry. I didn't see you.
- Hussein!
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59. - I was aiming for the trash can.
- I'll bet you were, Taxi Driver.
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60. I bet you didn't count on
Dickie Peterson, human shield...
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61. getting between you
and the vice president, did ya?
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62. Unfortunately, I don't have the authority
to detain you at this moment.
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63. But I promise you, mister...
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64. one day it'll be just you and me.
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65. And then, boom!
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66. Death touch.
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67. Woodchuck to Gray Squirrel.
Woodchuck to Gray Squirrel.
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68. Evil plan aborted.
Tweety is back in his cage.
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69. Sylvester, once again,
has been thwarted.
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70. Judging by the length
of my shadow...
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71. it is about 1800 hours,
which means it's time for Cherub chow.
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72. So get those Ding Dongs ready.
I'm comin' home!
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73. Gray Squirrel, it's locked.
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74. - Gray Squirrel?
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75. Due to the volume of calls to 911...
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76. your call is being answered
by the M.X. System.
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77. If you are witnessing
a murder, press 1.
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78. If you are being assaulted,
press 2.
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79. If you are being robbed,
press 3.
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80. If you are being robbed
in a single-family home, press 1.
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81. If you are being robbed
in an apartment, press 2.
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82. If the perpetrator is still
outside your apartment, press 1.
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83. If the perpetrator has entered
your apartment, press 2.
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84. If the perpetrator
is a Caucasian male above six feet...
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85. and over 175 pounds
with identifiable tattoos...
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86. press 1.
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87. If he has no tattoos, press 2.
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88. If you didn't hear
your specific situation clearly...
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89. this tape will repeat.
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90. If you are witnessing
a murder, press 1.
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91. You've done a wonderful job
organizing the recital, Janice.
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92. I'm quite sure donations
will be generous.
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93. Well, thank you, Mrs. Beaumont.
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94. I just hope we've raised enough money
to keep the opera house open.
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95. Oh, I'm certain we will,
my dear.
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96. Unless, of course, there's
some unforeseen disaster.
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97. Well, ménage à trois, everybody!
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98. - I have "entray-vooed."
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99. I am ready to party!
Now where is Oprah?
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100. I'm sorry, but I think you're
a bit confused. This is the opera.
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101. What? You mean there
ain't gonna be no women on here...
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102. talkin' about their panties
possessed by the devil?
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103. - Who are you?
- I'll give you a hint.
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104. I'm hip, I'm slick, and all the women love
my G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip.
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105. Well, you'll have to excuse us.
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106. I think we see somebody
over there we know.
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107. Oh, bon soufflé, mon bidet.
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108. Oh, my God.
It's that idiot, Frenchie.
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109. Um, excuse me.
I have to freshen up.
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110. Janice.! Hey, Janice.
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111. - It's me, Frenchie, baby.
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112. - How you doing, woman?
- What are you doing here?
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113. Well, don't be so El DeBarge.
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114. It wasn't easy
findin' you, you know.
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115. Remember when we was
in the Laundromat?
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116. You said, "Close your eyes"
when I asked you for a piece of sugar.
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117. You said, " Close your eyes and count to
a hundred." I opened my eyes, you was gone.
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118. Don't worry. You dropped a little something
on the Laundromat floor.
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119. I took it down to the police station.
Had your fingerprints dusted.
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120. They gave me your license plate number.
I followed you down here.
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121. I just wanted to return
these to you, baby.
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122. I love a woman
that wears safari drawers.
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123. You know, I got some on
right now. Wanna see?
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124. No!
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125. Janice. Janice.
I don't believe I've met your friend.
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126. - He's not my friend.
- That's right. It's much more than that.
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127. We go together
like toes and jam.
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128. - Yes.
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129. Well, Don Pardo. My name is Leonard,
but all my friends call me "Frenchie."
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130. Oh. Oh, dear.
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131. Frenchie, let me
spell it out for you.
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132. Mrs. Beaumont
is the C.E.O. Of a top S & I.
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133. Yes, but I'm out tonight
for a little R & R.
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134. - Que coincidence.
- Oh.
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135. That's right. I got B.O.
From the local Y.M.C.A.
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136. And I'm out for a little T & A.
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137. Well, I've never been
so insulted in all my life!
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138. She sure got enough "A."
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139. Frenchie, I have something
very important to do...
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140. - Uh-huh.
- Somewhere else.
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141. You stay here. Just stay.
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142. Don't follow me.
Don't move. Just stay.
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143. Whatever you say,
mon petite commode.
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144. Some foie gras, sir?
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145. Oh, looks like
mon doo-doo to me.
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146. It's goose liver pâté.
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147. Oh, great. Then these chitlins and
hot sauce will go with that just fine.
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148. Go on. Pass that around.
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149. This is nice.
Hey, Zorro.
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150. You know, I wore that same
costume last Halloween.
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151. Won first place down at Mr. Rick's
Sugar Shack. Sure did.
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152. Won a Confunkshun single, and didn't
even have to get my T-shirt wet.
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153. What is wrong with these people?
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154. Janice! Hey, Janice.
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155. You lookin' mighty Häagen-Daz.
Look like you missed me, baby.
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156. You know, in my Harvard days,
I once shot six three-pointers in a row.
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157. - Oh.
- Mmm, very impressive.
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158. Well, last New Year's eve,
I put 12 Reese's pieces up my nose...
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159. shot 'em into a Dixie cup
from across the room.
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160. Ladies and gentlemen, intermission is over.
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161. - Take your seats for the second
portion of tonight's program.
- Oh, it's party time.
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162. Wait a minute, man.
What's all this yelling about?
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163. This is worse than
a Patti LaBelle concert, man.
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164. What is this? You are
the biggest buffoon I have ever met!
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165. - Ah, gotcha. I'm a baritone.
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166. But you all don't worry
about the party now.
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167. 'Cause I used to play for Sly and the Family
Stone, so I'm gonna get the music goin'.
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168. See, this here opera stuff is fine,
but it's just a little too tres limousine.
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169. You can't dance to it.
Excuse me, Don Corleone.
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170. How 'bout "Super Freak" on four?
Un, deux, trois, four!
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171. Stop!
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172. I can't tell you
how sorry I am about this.
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173. Sorry? This is disgraceful!
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174. If this is the only performance
you people can afford...
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175. I'm gonna double my donation
to see that this doesn't happen again.
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176. I assure you, this is never...
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177. Oh, Janice, keep your fiancé,
French Fry, singing.
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178. On four.
Un, deux, trois, four!
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179. That's right.
Come on, Janice.
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180. All right, people.
Come on now.
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181. Let's get this party goin',
man. Soul Train!
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182. Now, do the Soul Train.
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183. East Coast! West Coast!
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184. East Coast! West Coast!
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185. Has wearing real fur become a hassle?
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186. Are animal rights activists
bringing you down?
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187. Then say hello to the Clear Conscience
Fur Farm and Outlet Store.
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188. Here at Clear Conscience, 90% of our pelts
come from rodents that die of old age...
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189. right here in our own luxurious
rodent retirement home.
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190. The rest of our pelts come to us
thanks to Mother Nature.
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191. For instance, this unlucky little fellow
was struck down by lightning...
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192. while these little guys were struck
by severe animal depression...
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193. and mass suicide.
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194. So the next time you have a run-in
with an animal rights activist...
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195. flash him the label
on the inside of your sable.
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196. Clear Conscience...
we'll skin no hide before its time.
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197. - Hey, can I help you?
- Hiya, Johnny.
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198. - The name's Jimmy.
- Jimmy, Johnny, Joey. What's in a name?
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199. Anyway, give me a double dip,
black and white.
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200. And, hey, Johnny,
don't forget the cherry.
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201. Name's Jimmy.
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202. Sure got strong arms, Johnny.
I bet no one pushes you around.
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203. Nope, sure don't.
All right.
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204. Put the sprinkles
on there. Ta-da.
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205. A cherry.
That'll be a dollar.
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206. A dollar? Well, I thought
it would cost a quarter.
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207. Oh, fiddlesticks. I just spent
my last buck at the picture show.
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208. I'll tell you what. Just give me the quarter.
Bring the rest when you come back, okay?
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209. Oh, Johnny, you're the greatest.
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210. I was nothin', a nobody,
a bum in the street...
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211. but you came along and picked me up, dusted
me off and turned me into something special.
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212. I'm yours, Johnny, forever.
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213. Look, lady, thanks a lot, all right.
Just enjoy your ice cream.
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214. Bring me my change
when you can.
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215. Oh, Johnny,
I could never repay you...
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216. not after what
you've done for me.
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217. Oh, Johnny, the two of us
will be great together.
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218. We'll be thick as thieves, like birds
of a feather, two peas in a pod.
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219. We'll board the next train
to Niagara.
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220. - Train to Niagara?
- A train to Niagara, slow boat to China.
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221. Ah, Johnny, I'd go to hell
in a handbasket with you.
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222. Look, lady, that's enough.
Hey, yo, Larry!
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223. Larry, I'm gonna take
my break now, man. I'm outta here.
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224. - Lady, there's help around. Seek it.
- Wait!
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225. Johnny?
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226. Don't go.
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227. So long, Johnny.
See you in my dreams.
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228. Now, I know you haven't
seen Little G. In a long time...
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229. but I still think it's time you had that talk
with him about the birds and the bees.
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230. I know you don't know
what to say to him...
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231. but I still think it's best
if it comes from you.
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232. Little G.!
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233. Your daddy's gonna have
that talk with you now, okay?
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234. Flatulate yourself
over here, my little zygote.
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235. Flatulate! Flatulate!
Don't be redundant.
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236. Now, you see,
when a man liposucks...
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237. a woman's, uh, mammogram...
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238. it is the titillating expression
between lubrication...
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239. of two secreting adults,
ya dig?
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240. Yeah, yeah. A protractor.
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241. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang's
like Frosted Mini-Wheats.
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242. No, no, it's much more
"mucazoid" than that...
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243. my little "geniphilia."
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244. It's the adolescent Dukakis...
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245. that is calculated,
ya understand...
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246. by the insane,
or, uh, Hussein...
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247. dependent on
the confrontation forthwith...
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248. furthermore, posthaste,
post office...
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249. creating a mediocre-type arsenic,
uh, uh, "treatyology," ya understand?
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250. Am I being "cruex"?
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251. - Uh, gesundheit.
- Uh-huh.
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252. - A most spectacular off-ramp.
- Uh-huh.
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253. - But sometimes, I'm defa... defla...
- Defecated.
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254. - Defecated...
- Right.
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255. - By my misfortune.
- Uh-huh.
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256. That's... That's very antiseptic,
my little hors d'oeuvre.
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257. But do not homogenize
the Neutrogena...
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258. or 'gina,
depending on the woman.
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259. All right?
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260. That's so Nintendo.
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261. My own giblets
are under surveillance.
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262. Oh, that's deep.
That's deep.
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263. That's my son there.
You've radiated mucho ambivalence...
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264. as the French people say.
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265. Time's up.
Let's go, Oswald.
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266. Hey. Remember. Don't constipate
your mother's hemorrhoids.
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267. I won't.
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268. Fornicate my redemption!
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269. I'll recede to my own bowels.
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270. - We had a...
- We had a...
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271. - All right. Go ahead.
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272. We... Sorry. Go ahead.
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273. - We...
- We...
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274. - Good night.
- Good night.
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