1. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
2. d In living colordCopy !req
3. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
4. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
5. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
6. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
7. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
8. - d Take it from me It's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
9. d And how would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete dCopy !req
10. d And all mankind danced to the exact beat
And at night dCopy !req
11. - d It was safe to walk down the street d
- d In living colordCopy !req
12. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
13. d In living colordCopy !req
14. d In living colordCopy !req
15. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
16. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
17. d Everybody here
is equally kind dCopy !req
18. d Everybody here
is equally kind dCopy !req
19. d Everybody, everybody
everybody, everybody dCopy !req
20. - d Everybody here is equally kind d
- d In living colordCopy !req
21. d What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine dCopy !req
22. d In living c-c-c-olordCopy !req
23. d You can do what you wanna do
In living colordCopy !req
24. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
25. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
26. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
27. - d Take it from me It's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
28. d You can do what you wanna do
in living colorddCopy !req
29. SW1, kick it.Copy !req
30. ddCopy !req
31. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
32. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
33. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
34. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
35. - d Take it from me It's a'ight to be d
- d In living colorddCopy !req
36. Now, Lil Magic, now, listen to me.
Don't you forget what Mama told you.Copy !req
37. You got to get this part
'cause rent is due...Copy !req
38. and we done cashed in our last food stamp
on bus fare down here.Copy !req
39. Don't worry, Mama. I'm gonna get the job
this time. And I'm gonna make lots of money.Copy !req
40. - I'm gonna buy you gold caps for your teeth...
- Lil Magic...Copy !req
41. - and I'm gonna get aluminum foil
for the TV antenna...
- Lil Magic...Copy !req
42. - and I'm gonna get Peanut's corrective shoe
outta the pawn shop...
- Now, hush up!Copy !req
43. - Sorry, Mama.
- Oh, that's my baby.Copy !req
44. - Oh. Now, give me your foot.
You done forgot your tap shoes.
- Oh, oh, oh.Copy !req
45. Now, hold still.Copy !req
46. - Ouch!
- Oh, hush up.Copy !req
47. These shoes was good enough for Lashawn
and Pookie. They's good enough for you.Copy !req
48. - Besides, them soles only got
but a few holes in 'em.
- Ooouch!Copy !req
49. - Be quiet. Now, put that toe back in.
- Yes, Mama.Copy !req
50. Um, female, "Pajama Johnson"?Copy !req
51. No. That's Fuhmahlay Pajuhmay.
That's "Acrifan."Copy !req
52. But my friends call me
"Lil Magic." See?Copy !req
53. - What is that? You have a resume?
- A what?Copy !req
54. - A resume. You know, credit.
- Oh, credit. I keep me some credit.Copy !req
55. I got me a LeRon's
Hair Weave Emporium card.Copy !req
56. And you know Mr. Kwon Lee,
down at the corner store?Copy !req
57. He give me credit whenever I need it.Copy !req
58. I mean, what has she done?
What shows has she starred in?Copy !req
59. Why didn't you say that in the first place?
Lil Magic had the lead role...Copy !req
60. in the Fulton Project Community Center
production of Please, Mama, Don't Use Crack.Copy !req
61. And I'm Right On magazine's
Miss Smile-Brite 1987. See?Copy !req
62. My baby's gonna get this job.Copy !req
63. I'm sorry, ma'am. We're looking
for professional actors only.Copy !req
64. You gonna be lookin' for a doctor
if you don't get the hell out my way.Copy !req
65. You can't go in there.Copy !req
66. Hey. Hey.Copy !req
67. What...
What's this?Copy !req
68. This here is Lil Magic. She only the most
beautific, wondalicious girl in the whole galaxy.Copy !req
69. Plus I'm Right On magazine's
Miss Smile-Brite 1987. See?Copy !req
70. - Uh, we don't have time to see people right now.
- Oh, hush up, honey.Copy !req
71. Show the director a lil' magic.
Get it?Copy !req
72. - Mama, Mama, my baton!
- Oh! Here you go, honey.Copy !req
73. - Okay, let's see ya.
- ddCopy !req
74. - ddCopy !req
75. - dd
- Ah, you doin'it, honey.!Copy !req
76. Shuffle off to Buffalo!Copy !req
77. - Okay. Thank you, Magic.
Thank you very much.
- Ow!Copy !req
78. - Play the drums, honey.
Get on the good foot.
- We don't have to see any more.Copy !req
79. - This is funky here.
- ddCopy !req
80. - We really should move on.
- dd Lil Magic, play the horn!Copy !req
81. - We've gotta move on.
- ddCopy !req
82. Lil Magic, do the nunchuks, honey,
the nunchuks!Copy !req
83. - I can't believe...
- Hai Karate.!Copy !req
84. You just like Bruce Lee.Copy !req
85. See? Oh, Lil Magic, swallow the baton.
This is the big finish.Copy !req
86. There you go.
My little darling.Copy !req
87. That's it. Get them outta here.
Out. Get them out!Copy !req
88. - You better get your hands off my little girl.Copy !req
89. Mama, Mama, I got the job.
I know I got it!Copy !req
90. And the producer's gonna
fly me to Hollywood...Copy !req
91. - Uh, Lil Magic...
- on a big plane that says, "Lil Magic."Copy !req
92. - Uh, Lil Magic...
- When I get there,
everybody be gathered around the airport...Copy !req
93. - and they'll say, "Lil Magic..."
- Oh, hush up!Copy !req
94. - Sorry, Mama.
- Oh, that's my baby.Copy !req
95. - Mama, can I take my tap shoes off?
My feet hurt.
- No!Copy !req
96. We got two more auditions crosstown,
and you never know who may be on that city bus.Copy !req
97. - Now, you got your transfer?
- Yes, Mama.Copy !req
98. Come on. Let's go.Copy !req
99. I've heard the food here
is quite excellent.Copy !req
100. Well, if anybody knows
about food, it's Oprah.Copy !req
101. - Hello-o-o!
- Oh!Copy !req
102. Hi. Welcome.Copy !req
103. - Thank you.
- I see you have a bottle of my best champagne.Copy !req
104. You must be celebrating
something special tonight.Copy !req
105. - Well, we sure are. We've just become engaged.
- Ooh, girlfriend. Engaged?Copy !req
106. - Yes.Copy !req
107. - Ooh. So, you set a date?
- Well, no, not yet, but...Copy !req
108. - But sometime soon.
- Right.Copy !req
109. Mm-hmm. Girlfriend, let Oprah school you.
That is the oldest trick in the book.Copy !req
110. - Really?
- Honey, a man will use you up.Copy !req
111. He will lay up in your house,
spend up your money.Copy !req
112. He'll live in your condo, and you will never,
ever see that gold band on your finger.Copy !req
113. But wait a minute.
What are you talking about?Copy !req
114. - It's just a couple of years until I finish school.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
115. Till he finishes school.
Oh, girl.Copy !req
116. Oh, girl, do you know what you're in for?
I've been down this road, honey.Copy !req
117. - So many things happen in two years:Copy !req
118. You get stretch marks,
you get wrinkles.Copy !req
119. - Girl, he ain't gonna want you in two years.Copy !req
120. - Um, No, it's not...
- How could you do this to me?Copy !req
121. - Hey, listen...
- Men Who Fear Commitment.Copy !req
122. Tonight at Oprah's.Copy !req
123. - I hate you.
- You want to say what?Copy !req
124. Uh, nothing.
I was just going to the ladies' room.Copy !req
125. Oh? And leaving these two adorable children
by themselves?Copy !req
126. - No, I'm coming right back.
- Women Who Abandon Their Children.Copy !req
127. Tonight at Oprah's.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
128. You want to say what?
Mm-hmm. Get up.Copy !req
129. Why did she have kids
if she's gonna abandon them?Copy !req
130. - Mm-hmm. Oh, you have a point?Copy !req
131. - Um, well...
- Make your point. Make your point.Copy !req
132. L-l-I just wanted some butter for...
the bread.Copy !req
133. This bread... Get the girl some butter
over here. This bread is bland.Copy !req
134. - Mm-hmm. You say what?
- Take her kids away from her!Copy !req
135. - Shame on you.
- Somebody come get these kids.Copy !req
136. This is ridiculous.
Nobody's taking my kids away from me.Copy !req
137. These are my babies.
Ain't nobody takin' my...Copy !req
138. Wait a minute.
What? Who are you? What? What?Copy !req
139. Listen!
Hey, wait a minute. Let go.Copy !req
140. - Yo, mom! Mama! Mama!Copy !req
141. - Damn right.
- Women Torn from Their Children.Copy !req
142. Tomorrow night's dinner conversation
at Oprah's.Copy !req
143. - I guess I'll just have the salad.
- Good.Copy !req
144. Well, you know, that sounds real good.
I'm gonna have just what she's having.Copy !req
145. Men Who Want to Be Women.
Tonight at Oprah's.Copy !req
146. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. I'm perfectly happy.Copy !req
147. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
You have something to say?Copy !req
148. - You say it. Stand up.
- Yes, Oprah. My name is Cindy...Copy !req
149. but just a few short years ago,
I was a man named Hank.Copy !req
150. - I think I understand some of your pain, sir.
- Wait a minute. Please. Stop!Copy !req
151. - Get rid of the pain.
- You say what?Copy !req
152. - Get rid of the secrets.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
153. We love you just the way you...
are.Copy !req
154. - Thank you for that.
- Oprah? I'm free.Copy !req
155. I've decided to have
a sex change operation tomorrow.Copy !req
156. - From here on out I'll be known as "Taniqua."Copy !req
157. Oprah?Copy !req
158. - I'm my own father.
- Yes!Copy !req
159. Over here, Oprah. Oprah?
I know this isn't anything great...Copy !req
160. - but my feet stink.Copy !req
161. Yes.Copy !req
162. - I channel Moms Mabley.
- Make your point.Copy !req
163. And child, these french fries are terrific.
What is your secret?Copy !req
164. Well, thank you all.
Now I have a confession that I have to make.Copy !req
165. You know, over the years
I've dropped 300 pounds of fat?Copy !req
166. - Yes.
- Well, guess what?Copy !req
167. - I've been frying your food in it.
- Oh, wonderful.Copy !req
168. - That's great.
- Ugh.! Ugh.!Copy !req
169. ddCopy !req
170. ddCopy !req
171. You left your top open.
Now get the hell outta here.Copy !req
172. Come on.
Mime your ass on down the street.Copy !req
173. - Okay. Gather 'round, children.Copy !req
174. Homey! Homey! Homey!Copy !req
175. A'ight, now.Copy !req
176. Y'all want your pictures drawn,
it'll be one dollar apiece.Copy !req
177. Homey, Homey,
draw me first.Copy !req
178. Oh, yeah. You want me to draw you first
'cause you so cute and sweet and adorable, huh?Copy !req
179. - Yes.
- Take off your glasses.Copy !req
180. I don't think so.Copy !req
181. I'll draw you all
at the same time.Copy !req
182. - Okay.
- Ooh...Copy !req
183. Sorry, Homey.Copy !req
184. There you go.
Three dollars.Copy !req
185. Hey, wait a minute,
Homey. I can't tell which one's me.Copy !req
186. Easy. You the big, dumb one.
Now gimme my money.Copy !req
187. - You see what I'm talking about?
- A black circus clown.Copy !req
188. He'd make the perfect spokesman
for our product. Let's make him an offer.Copy !req
189. - Y'all better get my damn money.
- Okay.Copy !req
190. - Well, well, well, if it ain't Bobo and Mr. Charlie.Copy !req
191. - Ha, ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
192. I hope you got your passports.
You be in Homey country now.Copy !req
193. Homey, my company is producing
a new sugar-coated kids' cereal...Copy !req
194. and I want you to be
the company spokesman.Copy !req
195. Oh, yeah. Right. You want me to help you
further oppress my people...Copy !req
196. by gettin' them to eat stuff that'll make
their teeth rot and fall out their mouth?Copy !req
197. - I don't think so.
- Did I mention the job pays...Copy !req
198. a million dollars a year?Copy !req
199. - I don't think I have a problem with that.Copy !req
200. Homey plays that.Copy !req
201. - Where do Homey sign?
- Right there, Homey.Copy !req
202. - How do you spell "D. Clown"?Copy !req
203. Homey Wheats. Take five.Copy !req
204. Hi. I'm Homey the Clown.
Kids love me.Copy !req
205. Tell me, though, childrens,
why do you love Homey so?Copy !req
206. - Because you're so dumb!Copy !req
207. I may be just a dumb ol' clown...Copy !req
208. but I'm smart enough to love the sugary taste
of Homey Wheats.Copy !req
209. Now, if I could just
get my hands on some.Copy !req
210. - Hey! Ouch!Copy !req
211. Stupid clown.
Homey Wheats are for kids.Copy !req
212. Outsmarted again.Copy !req
213. Looks like I'll be denied the hundred percent
sugary taste of Homey Wheats...Copy !req
214. the cereal that goes,
"Bop, bop, bop."Copy !req
215. Not me, childrens...
the cereal!Copy !req
216. So remember, little childrens...Copy !req
217. do what the man says... go out and buy yourself
a box of new Homey Wheats...Copy !req
218. the only cereal made from cookies,
marshmallows, sugar cubes...Copy !req
219. and other nutritional
pieces of candy.Copy !req
220. Now this is a cereal
Homey can play.Copy !req
221. - Welcome to Chez Whitey.
- Thank you, Julio.Copy !req
222. Always havin' trouble with them clown shoes.Copy !req
223. Here you go. It's a dollar.
Don't spend it all in one place.Copy !req
224. Watch the car.Copy !req
225. - Homey!
- Homester!Copy !req
226. - Homester, come on in. Got your favorite table.
- Oh, great. Bobo and Mr. Charlie.Copy !req
227. - My friends.
- Where you been? You're a half an hour late.Copy !req
228. - You know me. I'm on C.P. Time.Copy !req
229. Homey! Homey?Copy !req
230. Everyone's saying you sold out
to the establishment.Copy !req
231. - Say it ain't so, Homey.
- Of course not.Copy !req
232. Here, here. Here's your old sock.
Bop me one.Copy !req
233. - Homey! Homey!
- Oh, great. My old sock.Copy !req
234. Look. I can get, like, a good tax write-off
with this, couldn't I?Copy !req
235. - Oh, no! No, Homey. Come on.Copy !req
236. - Come on, Homey. Dis me. Remember this?Copy !req
237. Come on. Here.
Come on. Dis me, Homey.Copy !req
238. - Come on, Homey.
- Ah, no, no. Hey, I don't think so.Copy !req
239. Homey don't play that
for free anymore.Copy !req
240. He gets a hundred thousand bucks to bop now,
and I'm afraid you just can't afford it.Copy !req
241. - So beat it, kid. Come on, Homey.
- Sorry, Charlie.Copy !req
242. Catch me next time.Copy !req
243. You go ahead.Copy !req
244. You're not Homey the Clown.Copy !req
245. You're Homey the Man.Copy !req
246. You're a sucker.Copy !req
247. dd
- Public access channel 68 and a half...Copy !req
248. - proudly presents Men on Television.Copy !req
249. - Hello. I'm Blayne Edwards.
- And I'm Antoine Merrywether.Copy !req
250. And welcome to Men on Television...Copy !req
251. - the show that looks at TV...
- from a male point of view.Copy !req
252. Mm-hmm. We've taken a look at examples
of shows from all four networks.Copy !req
253. First there was NBC.Copy !req
254. It used to stand for
"Nothing But Cosby."Copy !req
255. Now, you know, they have that new show,
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.Copy !req
256. Well, listen.
There's nothin' fresh about this prince.Copy !req
257. And it's definitely not
the Prince I was lookin' for.Copy !req
258. - I was lookin' for a purple
G-string and some high heels.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
259. Ditto.
Then there was Golden Girls.Copy !req
260. Hated it.Copy !req
261. Would you tell me, who cares about
three old, white heifers in a house?Copy !req
262. - I don't.
- Next we go to CBS.Copy !req
263. The first show we took a look at
was Designing Women.Copy !req
264. Hated it.Copy !req
265. Now, you know, I don't know
who designed these women...Copy !req
266. but they need to go back
to the drawing board.Copy !req
267. That's right. If that Delta 747
gets any bigger...Copy !req
268. they gonna have to widen
the runway, child.Copy !req
269. I guess that's why
they call it CBS...Copy !req
270. 'Cause that's all you see:Copy !req
271. - B.S.
- Ooh!Copy !req
272. Then we have
Murder She Wrote.Copy !req
273. Now this show is always about some old lady
runnin' around tryin' to find out "whodunit,"Copy !req
274. when it's obvious she ain't done it
in a long time.Copy !req
275. Oh, stop.Copy !req
276. Then we come to ABC, which must stand for
"Ass-Backwards and Country."Copy !req
277. - Now, first we had Perfect Strangers.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
278. This is the story
about two mens...Copy !req
279. - one a little Greek boy...
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
280. Distantly related, but thrown together
in a big, evil city...Copy !req
281. livin' in a cramped apartment...Copy !req
282. sharin' the same house shoes
and toothpaste.Copy !req
283. I gotta shift my seat.Copy !req
284. I tell you, if you asked me,
I think that little Balki...Copy !req
285. - would be much happier
back home with all them sheep.
- Ooh!Copy !req
286. - You see...Copy !req
287. - What?
- I just thought I heard a chicken.Copy !req
288. Um, next we come to Roseanne.Copy !req
289. Hated it.Copy !req
290. - Now, that's the kind of woman,
made me switch in the first place.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
291. - Let me ask you something.
- What?Copy !req
292. Let me ask you something.
Doesn't Roseanne remind you...Copy !req
293. of Gerald, you know, from La Cage?Copy !req
294. Mm-hmm. And isn't her husband kin
to that Arnold on Green Acres?Copy !req
295. I don't know.Copy !req
296. You know, it seems like they don't know
how to make good TV anymore.Copy !req
297. - I agree.
- That's why we decided to review...Copy !req
298. - our favorite series from the past...
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
299. - The Six Million Dollar Man.
- Mm.Copy !req
300. Lee Majors rebuilt from scratch
into a bionic hunk o' man...Copy !req
301. with a budget of $6 million.Copy !req
302. Well, if it was my money, you can guess
where 5,999,000 would've went.Copy !req
303. Stop.Copy !req
304. That's why we're gonna
give this one...Copy !req
305. the one time only
patty-cake snap.Copy !req
306. - Tell a friend.Copy !req
307. - That's it.
- Tell a friend, child.Copy !req
308. Oh, my Lord.Copy !req
309. Blayne! Blayne!Copy !req
310. Blayne! Call a doctor...Copy !req
311. 'cause I think he needs
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.Copy !req
312. Hey, hey, hey, man.
Hey!Copy !req
313. Man, what you doin', man?Copy !req
314. - Blayne? Blayne, are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm all right.Copy !req
315. What's up with you? What's...
What's these funny clothes about, man?Copy !req
316. Blayne, your hat.Copy !req
317. This ain't my hat, man.
Get that little thing outta here.Copy !req
318. - Yo, let's finish this show, Tony.
- Well, l-I don't know...Copy !req
319. What's wrong with you, man?Copy !req
320. - Blayne, are you...
- Yeah, I'm all right, man. What's up with you?Copy !req
321. - Let's finish the show. Finish the show.
- Okay.Copy !req
322. Finally...Copy !req
323. we come to that
sly Fox of a network...Copy !req
324. and their show
Married with Children.Copy !req
325. - Loved it.
- Hated it.Copy !req
326. What you talkin' about, "Hated it," man?
That girl is fine. The blonde one?Copy !req
327. With the... the blonde?
Look like she hidin' two midgets, man.Copy !req
328. Blonde? Midget?Copy !req
329. ddCopy !req
330. ddCopy !req
331. - Yay! All right.
- This is... This is my oldest...Copy !req
332. This is my oldest brother, Dwayne.Copy !req
333. Many of you've seen him...
You've seen him in many sketches.Copy !req
334. - Boo!
- What's your favorite part? The guard.Copy !req
335. - Uh, the dead man.
- He's the dead man.Copy !req
336. That's right. He's the dead man, the guard.
There's all those...Copy !req
337. all those roles
that you folks think are so unimportant.Copy !req
338. - This is the guy who volunteers for them.Copy !req
339. I just wanted to say...Copy !req
340. I just wanted to say...
we had a fun year...Copy !req
341. and, uh, we hope that you guys will definitely
have a safe and prosperous summer...Copy !req
342. and you'll join us next season along with
the Rainbow Coalition behind me.Copy !req
343. These are all the people...Copy !req
344. that help to make
the show a success.Copy !req
345. - Remember: Keep the livin' color alive!Copy !req
346. - ddCopy !req
347. d You can do what you wanna do ddCopy !req