1. All these guys are bums.Copy !req
2. He'll wanna feel you out,
see what you got.Copy !req
3. He's got just one thing on his mind.Copy !req
4. He's gonna wanna put you
on your back right away.Copy !req
5. That's right. So what I want you to do...Copy !req
6. is when you're both in close
and you're hot and sweaty...Copy !req
7. I want you to throw it in his third rib.Copy !req
8. You push that in there, it pushes all the bile
out of the body right onto the floor.Copy !req
9. But, Dads, it's just a date.
Do I have to wear these gloves?Copy !req
10. Oh, darlin', but it goes so nice
with the mouthpiece we got you.Copy !req
11. At first,
there was Three Champs and a Baby.Copy !req
12. Now, Touch-tone Pictures presents:Copy !req
13. Now, remember, no contact below the belt.Copy !req
14. That's right.
Let's get these up there.Copy !req
15. - Oh, Dad.
- Now, do you remember what I told ya?Copy !req
16. - No, Dad.
- Well, neither do I...Copy !req
17. but just in case...Copy !req
18. He may be pretty. He may have zits.Copy !req
19. Whatever you do, don't let him touch, uh...Copy !req
20. like a bee.Copy !req
21. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
22. You know, you look pretty ecstatic, darlin'.Copy !req
23. Thanks.
Oh, I think I might need some money, Dad.Copy !req
24. Oh, that's fine.
All pretty girls need money.Copy !req
25. How much you need, darlin'?
10, 20, 30,000?Copy !req
26. - Here. Take it all. Here. Take the watch.
- Oh.Copy !req
27. Take the deed to the house. Take it all.
Just get your baldheaded mother
away from me!Copy !req
28. - Mike! Mike!
- Michael! Michael!Copy !req
29. - It's over now.
- Ohhh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
30. I had a lithium flashback. I'm all right.Copy !req
31. - It's okay, Dad.
- No, darlin'. That was pretty ludicrous.Copy !req
32. Hey, "ludicrous."
That's a pretty big word.Copy !req
33. Yeah.Copy !req
34. I remember the first time I fell in love.Copy !req
35. It was right after a big fight.Copy !req
36. I looked down and saw one of
the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen,
and it winked at me.Copy !req
37. Then I picked it up
and put it back in its socket.Copy !req
38. Hey. You know, I remember my first date.Copy !req
39. - You do?
- No, I don't.Copy !req
40. Well, anyway, darlin', just remember...Copy !req
41. if you have any problems, just call the house.Copy !req
42. I'll hop in the Mercedes. I'll drive right...Copy !req
43. - No!
- No! No, no!Copy !req
44. - Dad! Doorbell.Copy !req
45. That's pretty funny, Ali.
Pretty funny.Copy !req
46. Dad, Dad, Dad...Copy !req
47. this is my date,
Gerry Cooney, Jr.Copy !req
48. Yeah. How you doing, kid?Copy !req
49. - Oh, geez!
- Like father, like son.Copy !req
50. - Gerry Cooney.
- Easy, easy, easy.Copy !req
51. Easy. Put your arm over here.
Put your arm around him.Copy !req
52. - There you go.
- All right.Copy !req
53. - Good-bye, young people. Have a good time.
- Good-bye, Dads.Copy !req
54. - You kids have fun.
- Okay.Copy !req
55. Have fun.
Say hello to your dad for me.Copy !req
56. Geez. Boy, her first date, guys.Copy !req
57. - Mm.
- I don't know if I'm ecstatic or ludicrous.Copy !req
58. Why don't we just fight another round,
Mike?Copy !req
59. - All right. I tell you what,
you guess who I am this time, all right?
- All right.Copy !req
60. All right. Check it out now.
We're in the second round, all right?Copy !req
61. Hit me with a right hand real soft.
Boom!Copy !req
62. I'm down.
"Hey! Where's my $22 million?"Copy !req
63. - Buster Douglas!
- That's right!Copy !req
64. Three Champs and a Little Lady.Copy !req
65. Coming to a theater near you.Copy !req
66. KYYTnow presents
a minority affairs program, Black Like You.Copy !req
67. Here are your hosts,
Tom and Tom...Copy !req
68. the Brothers Brothers.Copy !req
69. All righty! Why, thank you.Copy !req
70. - How are ya? I'm Tom.
- Howdy.Copy !req
71. We're delighted to host
this very worthwhile show.Copy !req
72. - What do you say, Tom?
- That's right, Tom.Copy !req
73. In fact, we've written
a very special song just for this show.Copy !req
74. - Well, let's kick it off, brother.
- Shall we?Copy !req
75. - All righty.Copy !req
76. - Oh, stop it. Stop it!Copy !req
77. All righty. Well, let's
get started, shall we?Copy !req
78. Yes, we certainly shall.Copy !req
79. Today's guest is a young man
who says he was sent to prison
for a crime he didn't commit.Copy !req
80. Yeah, right.Copy !req
81. Well, let's meet him anyway.
Say hello to Mr. Rajeem Carter.Copy !req
82. Come on out, Rajeem.Copy !req
83. What's happening, brothers?Copy !req
84. Is that some sort of
karate move there?Copy !req
85. Well, what's happening
is we're doing a show.Copy !req
86. So, I mean, let's just
cut right to the chase, Raj.Copy !req
87. - Right to it.
- Yeah. What is your beef?Copy !req
88. All right, first of all,
I want to say how glad I am...Copy !req
89. that there's finally a show where
we brothers can discuss things.Copy !req
90. - Oh, your brother's here?
Where's your brother?
- Bring your brother out.Copy !req
91. - Come on out here.
- I didn't see him backstage.Copy !req
92. Yo, yo, man, yo!
I'm talking about us three brothers.Copy !req
93. I think you're kind of confused.
We're the Brothers Brothers.Copy !req
94. You're a black guy who came
to complain about something.Copy !req
95. Man, I'm not here complaining, see.Copy !req
96. I just want people to know
how the Man screwed me up.Copy !req
97. - The man? What man?
- The man? What man?Copy !req
98. You know, the Man...
Mr. Charlie, Bobo.Copy !req
99. His legal system
has railroaded me, brother.Copy !req
100. Well, there's your problem.
Mr. Charlie Bobo's legal firm...Copy !req
101. hardly sounds like
a reputable one to me.Copy !req
102. I mean, never trust a man
with the last name "Bobo."Copy !req
103. I mean, would you buy a home
from Louie Bobo?Copy !req
104. I sure wouldn't.Copy !req
105. Say what?Copy !req
106. - What.
- What.Copy !req
107. Y'all don't even understand, man.Copy !req
108. The police arrested me for no reason.Copy !req
109. - Come on!
- Oh, come on. The police don't do that.Copy !req
110. They're your friends.
They're here to protect and serve.Copy !req
111. Well, my friends dragged me
out my crib butt naked.Copy !req
112. Well, gosh darn it,
what the heck were you doing...Copy !req
113. butt naked in the baby's crib?Copy !req
114. Man, don't y'all understand?
Man, I went to prison for eight years...Copy !req
115. and the only thing I learned
was how to resole shoes.Copy !req
116. Well, gosh darn it, you should be
darn happy that you learned a trade.Copy !req
117. - You're darn tootin'.
- A trade?Copy !req
118. Man, nobody wants to get
their shoes resoled anymore.Copy !req
119. - That's not true.
- Well, heck, I've got a few pair backstage.Copy !req
120. You can start on them
right after the show.Copy !req
121. You can even shine 'em for me.Copy !req
122. Shine shoes? Now, what kind
of a Tom do you think I am?Copy !req
123. - There you go again.
- I think he's confused. We're the Toms.Copy !req
124. - You're the angry black guy.
- Right.Copy !req
125. You got that right.
You're the biggest Toms I ever seen.Copy !req
126. - Why, thank you.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
127. I've been working out
a little at the gym.Copy !req
128. - Well, actually,
Tom Brokaw is bigger than us.
- Yeah, he is.Copy !req
129. I guess it's obvious.
Y'all guys, you can't relate to this at all.Copy !req
130. Man, I suffered in the joint.Copy !req
131. Hey, hey, hey! You don't give us
that doohickey nonsense, mister.Copy !req
132. - That's right. I'll say "doohickey" again...
- Hey, Tom, take it easy.Copy !req
133. 'Cause I'm outraged!Copy !req
134. Doohickey, darn it, heck!Copy !req
135. Now, I want you to know
suffering, mister.Copy !req
136. When you talk to Tom and Tom,
we know suffering.Copy !req
137. Tell him about the time
in Tahoe, mister.Copy !req
138. We flew to Tahoe for
a work engagement, mind you.Copy !req
139. We had reservations,
a confirmation number and got there...Copy !req
140. and only one of our rooms
were available.Copy !req
141. - We had to share it.
- And needless to say...Copy !req
142. that we were pretty upset
behind that.Copy !req
143. I had to call my mom.Copy !req
144. Lucky it was a suite, huh?Copy !req
145. Y'all don't even know
what time it is, do you?Copy !req
146. - Sure I do. 7:25.
- Sure I do. 7:25.Copy !req
147. I guess you're on C.P. Time.Copy !req
148. - Can we get away with that?Copy !req
149. So I suppose y'all think I'm supposed
to just move out into the suburbs, man...Copy !req
150. get a nose job,
marry some white woman...Copy !req
151. buy a BMW
and just totally sell out, right?Copy !req
152. - That's the spirit!
- Yeah. Maybe you want
to put a brim on that hat.Copy !req
153. Forget y'all!Copy !req
154. Well, I guess we showed him how to
look at things on the brighter side.Copy !req
155. I think we certainly have.Copy !req
156. - Tell you what, why don't we
sing a song about it?
- All righty, brother.Copy !req
157. And you know
I mean fraternal.Copy !req
158. - Good-bye.
- Good night, everybody.Copy !req
159. Babaloo!Copy !req
160. Greetings.Copy !req
161. I'm Margaret Linsford-Hall,
and this is my interpreter Mr. Mbutu.Copy !req
162. Margaret Linsford-Hall...
bung-tanga-ndosilleh.!Copy !req
163. President Bush has seen fit
to appoint me ambassador...Copy !req
164. to your little nation...Copy !req
165. rather than sending me to Majorca,
as I had expected.Copy !req
166. I didn't know what to expect, based on
the briefing I received in Washington...Copy !req
167. but I find your little country
really rather quaint...Copy !req
168. in a Third World sort of way.Copy !req
169. Uh, we have much
to offer your country...Copy !req
170. in terms of agricultural assistance
and hunger relief.Copy !req
171. L-I'm very sorry that
I don't speak your language...Copy !req
172. but Mr. Mbutu has been so kind
as to teach me a phrase to close with.Copy !req
173. Um...Copy !req
174. Jum bakoo, bare booty...Copy !req
175. cum bwee-bwee...Copy !req
176. Uh, bango-bango.Copy !req
177. Yo, yo, yo! Welcome to
the Homeboy No-Money-Down Seminar.Copy !req
178. That's right. We gonna teach you how to
get paid with absolutely no money down.Copy !req
179. That's right.
I'm Willis, 'dis da Iceman.Copy !req
180. - Chillin'!
- Yo, our secret to success...Copy !req
181. is right here
in our new little booklet,Copy !req
182. How To Make Mo'Money
Without Using Yo'Money.Copy !req
183. Might well you ask,
"Whose money should I use?"Copy !req
184. Who got more money then
they know what to do with?Copy !req
185. - The Gub-ment.
- That's right.Copy !req
186. And in part one of our booklet,Copy !req
187. we gonna show you how to use that money
from the government.Copy !req
188. For example, did you know...Copy !req
189. that food stamps cannot be used
to buy alcoholic beverages?Copy !req
190. Hmm. But how could I use that knowledge
to work for me?Copy !req
191. I'm glad that you asked.Copy !req
192. Let's look at the chart.Copy !req
193. I go into a store and purchase
a pack of beer for, let's say, $3.99.Copy !req
194. Or even less,
depending on the security system.Copy !req
195. And I trade it
to some unscrupulous individual,Copy !req
196. such as this man right here.Copy !req
197. For, let's say,
$40-50 worth of food stamps.Copy !req
198. - Uh-huh.
- Now, he's easy to find.
He might even be in your family.Copy !req
199. And I take that money, and I find
a little fat lady named LaQuita...Copy !req
200. with about 15 children,Copy !req
201. and I trade it to her for $25.Copy !req
202. What does that equal?Copy !req
203. Yo, here goes one of
our many success stories.Copy !req
204. Anton "Boom Boom'Geno.Copy !req
205. $45,000 in three weeks.Copy !req
206. Luther "Big Head'Jones.Copy !req
207. $ 123,000 in six months.Copy !req
208. Yo, our Mo' Money Seminar...Copy !req
209. will teach you how to get over
like Rover the Casanova.Copy !req
210. That's right.
And in part three,Copy !req
211. we gonna show you
how to dress for success.Copy !req
212. Like, check out my man Willis here.Copy !req
213. I know you're saying
he looks pretty fly like it is,Copy !req
214. but add this little
accessory right here...Copy !req
215. Now he's got a look most businessmen
just can't seem to say "No" to.Copy !req
216. That's right. But wait.
Hol-Hol-Hold on.Copy !req
217. - You say, "Yo, homeboy."
- What?Copy !req
218. - "Yo, homeboy."
- "What?"Copy !req
219. - You drive a big Mercedes.
- Yes, I do.Copy !req
220. How can I drive
a big, crazy Mercedes too?Copy !req
221. Well, that's easy.
If you act now,Copy !req
222. we gonna send you
our exclusive Mo' Money Valet Kit.Copy !req
223. You just find yourself
a nice, fancy restaurant,Copy !req
224. stand in front,
throw on this red jacket,Copy !req
225. hold up this here sign,Copy !req
226. and you'll be amazed
at how many people just walk up...Copy !req
227. and give you a luxury car.Copy !req
228. Yo, some of them will even tip you
before turning over the keys.Copy !req
229. - FBI.! Open up in there.!Copy !req
230. Yo. You know what that means.
We're moving locations.Copy !req
231. That's right. Yo, people are just banging on
the doors trying to get into on our seminars.Copy !req
232. So just send $50 to the Homeboys
care of this station.Copy !req
233. - See you next time.
- Peace.Copy !req
234. - Thank you very much. We'll see you next week.Copy !req
235. Takin' us home tonight...
on theJ MJ label...Copy !req
236. The Afros.Copy !req
237. - Yeah.!Copy !req
238. - Special request to all
the people around the world.
- Yes!Copy !req
239. Black, purple and green,
boy and girl.Copy !req
240. This style our "rude boy" style.Copy !req
241. Love and unity we are needin'
for the '90s.Copy !req
242. You no see?
Do it, star!Copy !req