1. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
2. d In living colordCopy !req
3. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
4. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
5. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
6. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
7. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
8. - d Take it from me, it's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
9. d And how would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete dCopy !req
10. d And all mankind danced
to the exact beat dCopy !req
11. - d And at night it was safe
to walk down the street d
- d In living colordCopy !req
12. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
13. d In living colordCopy !req
14. d In living colordCopy !req
15. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
16. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
17. d Everybody here is equally kind dCopy !req
18. d Everybody here is equally kind dCopy !req
19. d Everybody, everybody
everybody, everybody dCopy !req
20. - d Everybody here is equally kind d
- d In living colordCopy !req
21. d What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine dCopy !req
22. d In living c-c-c-olordCopy !req
23. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
24. d In living colordCopy !req
25. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
26. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
27. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
28. - d Take it from me, it's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
29. d You can do what you wanna do
in living colorddCopy !req
30. Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenan Ivory Wayans.Copy !req
31. Thank you.Copy !req
32. See...Copy !req
33. That's what happens when you
bring your family to the show.Copy !req
34. So that's my trick. Just load 'em up
with Wayans, I get the applause of life.Copy !req
35. Uh, welcome to another
edition of the show.Copy !req
36. You know, we poke fun at a lot
of groups here on In Living Color.Copy !req
37. We always get letters, people
wondering, " How do you decide
which groups you're gonna make fun of?"Copy !req
38. So what I decided to do
is show you what the process is.Copy !req
39. With the help of the Fly Girls,
we'll show you how we pick.Copy !req
40. Come on, ladies. Help me out.
Bring in our wheel.Copy !req
41. See, by spinning our little
comedy wheel of race right here...Copy !req
42. it lets us see who we're
gonna make fun of each week.Copy !req
43. So, Dee,
let's give it a spin, huh?Copy !req
44. You know,
it's pretty unbelievable.Copy !req
45. This seems to come up
every week.Copy !req
46. Anyway...Copy !req
47. Let's get on with the show.
Kick it!Copy !req
48. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
49. d In living colordCopy !req
50. - d In living colord
- d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
51. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon ddCopy !req
52. And now another episode
of The Head Detective.Copy !req
53. All right. All right.
Shh. Wait. All right. Look.Copy !req
54. Remember, we're supposed
to be undercover.Copy !req
55. Here. Sit right there.
I'm gonna put your disguise on.Copy !req
56. Wouldn't want anybody to recognize you.
It could blow the whole operation.Copy !req
57. Ahem. Barkeep, let me have a scotch
and soda... shaken, not stirred.Copy !req
58. Comin' right up.Copy !req
59. Oh!Copy !req
60. ddCopy !req
61. Hey, partner,
check out the chick.Copy !req
62. Whew. Put me on the ground
for a second, will ya?Copy !req
63. Go easy on her, Head.Copy !req
64. Say, luscious,
can I buy you a drink?Copy !req
65. - Who said that?
- Uh, down here.Copy !req
66. Hi, angel.Copy !req
67. You know, it's moments like this
when bein' short has its advantages.Copy !req
68. - Bug off, Head.Copy !req
69. I don't date cops.Copy !req
70. And let me
tell you something.Copy !req
71. Don't you ever, ever, ever...Copy !req
72. look up a lady's dress again
unless she asks you to.Copy !req
73. Understand?Copy !req
74. She wants me.Copy !req
75. All right. Forget about her.
Remember, we're on a case.Copy !req
76. Come on. Let's go check out
that bowling alley.Copy !req
77. - Leave a little crack so I can breathe.
- Will you shut up!Copy !req
78. Damn! That's
the fourth split tonight!Copy !req
79. Hey, that's the way
the ball bounces.Copy !req
80. Hey, hey! That's my partner
you're bowling with!Copy !req
81. Head!Copy !req
82. I think I know why
you're getting so many splits.Copy !req
83. These pins are loaded
with cocaine.Copy !req
84. Hey.! Hey, get that guy.!Copy !req
85. Don't anybody follow me,
or I swear I'll put her away.Copy !req
86. Stop it!Copy !req
87. I think I better go
for backup, Head.Copy !req
88. He's gettin' too far away.
They're goin' for the roof.Copy !req
89. No. Remember when we played
high school football?Copy !req
90. The big game?
Fourth quarter? Last play?Copy !req
91. Little Nuggets down by two?Copy !req
92. Head, you're not sayin'
what I think you're sayin'.Copy !req
93. Kick me at him.Copy !req
94. - Head!
- Just do it, damn it!Copy !req
95. Hey, Head. I think you forgot
to put your shorts on, man.Copy !req
96. I knew I felt a draft.Copy !req
97. - Freeze, maggot!
- All right, Head.Copy !req
98. - Just don't hit me.
- Shut up!Copy !req
99. Whoo-hoo-hoo!
All right, Head!Copy !req
100. This has been another episode
of The Head Detective.Copy !req
101. And now,
The Adventures of Handi-Man!Copy !req
102. Handi-Man.
Always saving the day.Copy !req
103. Always helping the handicapped.Copy !req
104. How I hate the handicapped!Copy !req
105. Those phy... phy...Copy !req
106. physically challenged.Copy !req
107. Well, I shall challenge them all.Copy !req
108. I, Dr. Naughty...Copy !req
109. shall destroy Handi-Man
and his entire disabled army...Copy !req
110. with my newest invention...Copy !req
111. the handi-droid.Copy !req
112. Stand up, my pet.Copy !req
113. Yes, master.Copy !req
114. Let's test your strength.Copy !req
115. Excellent.
Excellent!Copy !req
116. You are ready.Copy !req
117. Now, what are you
going to do?Copy !req
118. Ruin Handi-Man.Copy !req
119. Good. Good.Copy !req
120. And how are you
going to do it?Copy !req
121. Wreak havoc on the city.Copy !req
122. Yes. Yes!Copy !req
123. Now, go! Go.Copy !req
124. Hiya, Handi-Man.
Checkin' out the vault?Copy !req
125. Lots of dimes in there,
thanks to you.Copy !req
126. I've come to make
a withdrawal.Copy !req
127. Oh, you can't go... Wait.
You can't go in there.Copy !req
128. Not now, Jim!Copy !req
129. Excuse me.Copy !req
130. - Here's your mail, Mrs. Dane.
- Thank you, Mr. Bent.Copy !req
131. - Please, call me Clark.
- All right.Copy !req
132. Say, Lois, you think maybe you and I
could go out to dinner tonight?Copy !req
133. Oh, I'd love to, Clark,
but I can't tonight.Copy !req
134. Perhaps you haven't heard.
Handi-Man's turned to a life of crime.Copy !req
135. - I've got to go.
- What about a cup of water by the cooler?Copy !req
136. Well, this can only be the work
of the evil Dr. Naughty.Copy !req
137. Looks like a job
for Handi-Man.Copy !req
138. Up, up and away!Copy !req
139. $173,999.10.Copy !req
140. - $173,999.20...
- Okay, Dr. Naughty. The gig is up.Copy !req
141. Why are you trying
to destroy my name?Copy !req
142. A long time ago, I got a ticket
for parking in a handicapped zone.Copy !req
143. I have committed my life
to destroying the phy...Copy !req
144. phy... physically challenged.Copy !req
145. Well, now it's time
someone stopped you.Copy !req
146. Handi-Man,
let me introduce you...Copy !req
147. to your death!Copy !req
148. - Seize him!
- Yes, master.Copy !req
149. Let's get busy.Copy !req
150. Stick and jab.
Stick and jab.Copy !req
151. You have ruined my creation!Copy !req
152. I'll get you, Handi-Man!Copy !req
153. Tell it to the judge.
Take him away, fellas.Copy !req
154. - Okay, Handi-Man.
- It's great to have you back.Copy !req
155. Yeah. We thought
you were gone for good.Copy !req
156. Never underestimate
the powers of the handicapped.Copy !req
157. - We won't.Copy !req
158. Up, up and away!Copy !req
159. - Oh, hi, Clark.
- Hi, Lois.Copy !req
160. "Handi-Man Redeemed."
What a great story.Copy !req
161. Too bad you couldn't
have been there.Copy !req
162. - Well, I must've overslept.
- Handi-Man!Copy !req
163. Oh, I mean... Clark.Copy !req
164. Come to think of it...Copy !req
165. why is it that whenever Handi-Man's
around, you seem to disappear?Copy !req
166. Could it be that...Copy !req
167. No.Copy !req
168. The Adventures of Handi-Man!Copy !req
169. So in conclusion, before the ladies and
gentlemen of the jury pass judgment...Copy !req
170. consider this.Copy !req
171. My client was sleepwalking.Copy !req
172. Yes, sleepwalking.Copy !req
173. The defense rests.Copy !req
174. Is the prosecution ready
to cross-examine?Copy !req
175. Who is the prosecutor
in this case?Copy !req
176. Uh, Your Honor, that would be...Copy !req
177. Arsenio-o-o-o...Copy !req
178. Hall.!Copy !req
179. ddCopy !req
180. - Yeah! My bailiff.Copy !req
181. Give it up. Yes.Copy !req
182. And these... these are people
too stupid to get out of jury duty.Copy !req
183. - Give it up. Yeah.Copy !req
184. They know they're dumb.
They know they're dumb. Yeah.Copy !req
185. Mr. Hall, proceed
with your prosecution.Copy !req
186. Oh, yes, Your Honor.
That's what I'm gonna do.Copy !req
187. I'm gonna get
to the bottom of things.Copy !req
188. Did you see what I did
to Vanilla Ice? That's what I do.Copy !req
189. - I get to the bottom of things.Copy !req
190. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
191. Now, with no further ado,
I'd like to bring on my first witness.Copy !req
192. He's a very talented man.
He's assaulted 57 women...Copy !req
193. and then showed an indifference
for human life and property.Copy !req
194. So please give a big round
of applause to Mr. Rooow-land Biggs!Copy !req
195. Give it up.Copy !req
196. - dd
- Rowland.!Copy !req
197. Have a seat, Rowland.Copy !req
198. Give it up. Yeah.Copy !req
199. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
200. Let's get right into it,
Rowland.Copy !req
201. Now, your picture is up
all over the post office.Copy !req
202. You're on the F.B.I.'s
Top Ten list...Copy !req
203. two years in a row.Copy !req
204. What the court
would like to know is...Copy !req
205. has celebrity life changed you?Copy !req
206. What?Copy !req
207. What was it like
before all the fame?Copy !req
208. I was locked in the closet
most of my life.Copy !req
209. - I was abused as a child.Copy !req
210. One time, my mother held me underwater
for about four and a half minutes.Copy !req
211. - My father used to use me as an ashtray!Copy !req
212. Mr. Hall, what
do you find so amusing?Copy !req
213. Oh, nothing. Just a little joke me and
Whitney shared about Eddie Murphy.Copy !req
214. Objection!
What is this, Your Honor?Copy !req
215. Sustained. Mr. Hall!Copy !req
216. Now, I haven't read
the deposition...Copy !req
217. but my people tell me
that you used exhibit "A"...Copy !req
218. to assault all 57 of your victims.Copy !req
219. Will the jury please note, exhibit "A"
is a heavy, blunt instrument.Copy !req
220. Do you work out, man?Copy !req
221. 'Cause this ain't
no sissy murder weapon.Copy !req
222. There here is one bad
mama jama.Copy !req
223. Look like one of them brontosaurus ribs
from The Flintstones.Copy !req
224. Now, why did Fred always put the ribs
in the back of the car...Copy !req
225. when he knew
it was gonna tip over?Copy !req
226. Wilma! Wilma!Copy !req
227. Your Honor,
that is immaterial!Copy !req
228. Mr. Hall, unless there is someone else
you would like to call to the stand...Copy !req
229. I suggest you wrap this up.Copy !req
230. Very well, Your Honor.
Fair enough.Copy !req
231. A surprise guest tonight:
Mr. Eddie Murphy!Copy !req
232. - Come on down, Eddie!Copy !req
233. I fail to see how this relates.Copy !req
234. Oh, it doesn't, Your Honor.Copy !req
235. It's just that it's sweeps week, and it
would be nice to have Eddie in the court.Copy !req
236. Now, you know, me and Eddie
are best friends...Copy !req
237. and we made a pact
before we got famous:Copy !req
238. Never let a woman
come between us.Copy !req
239. And you are one fine,
bad mama jama.Copy !req
240. - Mr. Prosecutor...
- Oh, I'd pour barbecue sauce all over you...Copy !req
241. - and work you like a rib.
- Mr. Prosecutor!Copy !req
242. - Yes!
- Make your closing statements
before I find you in contempt.Copy !req
243. Very well.
Will the jury please note...Copy !req
244. she is fine.Copy !req
245. Yes, if Eddie was here,
he'd steal her for himself.Copy !req
246. Yes.Copy !req
247. Now, you've heard some very compelling
arguments tonight on both sides of the issue.Copy !req
248. "Compelling."
That's a very big word.Copy !req
249. I know a lot of brothers are sittin' there
goin', "What's he talkin' about, man?"Copy !req
250. Anyway, a man's life
hangs in the balance.Copy !req
251. With that in mind, have you ever noticed
how white people sit in a jury...Copy !req
252. very attentive, sittin' there goin'...Copy !req
253. "I wonder if he's guilty or innocent.
I wish they'd hurry. I have a job to go to."Copy !req
254. Brothers be sittin' there
goin', " Say, man.Copy !req
255. "They payin' me $12.85 plus gas.Copy !req
256. I'm stayin' all day.
Maybe he is; maybe he ain't."Copy !req
257. They're not jokes, folks.Copy !req
258. - Just a little somethin'
to make you say "hmm."
- Hmm.Copy !req
259. And on that,
the prosecution rests.Copy !req
260. This has been a total
travesty ofjustice.Copy !req
261. Oh, she is fine.Copy !req
262. Let's not forget to give
a big round of applause...Copy !req
263. to the main man
of the night himself.Copy !req
264. I want you to give it up like
you got a boiled egg and a glass
of water in your stomach loud.Copy !req
265. Mr. Rowland Biggs. Come on.
Give it up for Rowland.Copy !req
266. - Ah, Rowland!Copy !req
267. - Come back anytime, Rowland.Copy !req
268. Has the jury reached a decision?Copy !req
269. Yes, we have, Your Honor.Copy !req
270. And although we personally
find Mr. Biggs here...Copy !req
271. guilty beyond
any shadow of a doubt...Copy !req
272. there was no evidence presented
in this courtroom of that nature.Copy !req
273. So therefore we, the jury,
find the defendant not guilty.Copy !req
274. - Rowland!Copy !req
275. But you just set free the
second-most-wanted criminal in America!Copy !req
276. Strive to be number one,
Rowland. Yes!Copy !req
277. And on that, I want my man,
the king of funk...Copy !req
278. to take us home with some
of that nasty, old left-over...Copy !req
279. lint-in-your-belly-button,
didn't-check-between-your-toes
funk! Kick it!Copy !req
280. ddCopy !req
281. Well, tonight we have
a very special guest...Copy !req
282. well, two very special guests... that
I'm really honored to have on the show.Copy !req
283. Many things have been said
about them...Copy !req
284. but what I'd like to say is that
they are the premiere group of rap...Copy !req
285. that the boldness in their lyrics...Copy !req
286. the level of consciousness
that they have brought to their music...Copy !req
287. has totally redefined
the level of excellence of rap.Copy !req
288. So with no further adieu,
I'd like to bring to you...Copy !req
289. Off the label DefJam Records...Copy !req
290. here's Public Enemy and Ice Cube!Copy !req
291. ddCopy !req
292. Oh, yeah, in the house.
You know we got Ice Cube.Copy !req
293. And you know that
I'm down with the P.E.Copy !req
294. Hey, yo, Chuck, why don't you
kick it to 'em one time, G.Copy !req
295. d No war for all. I got a letter
from the government the other day dCopy !req
296. d I opened and read it
It said they was suckers dCopy !req
297. d They wanted me
for the army or whatever dCopy !req
298. d Picture me giving a damn
I said never dCopy !req
299. - d Terminator X d
- d Come on, y'all. Let's rock the house dCopy !req
300. - d From Terminator X in the
valley of the cheap beats d
- d Pump it up, y'all dCopy !req
301. - d Here we go d
- d Yo, Chuck Ki-Kick, k-k-kick it dCopy !req
302. d I try to teach and reach
I drop bombs with a little flow dCopy !req
303. d Rippin' 'em back when I say yo dCopy !req
304. d If you can't get
Don't sit, get up dCopy !req
305. d As the world turns
some sucker learns dCopy !req
306. d As one quits, another hit
Ain't this a trip dCopy !req
307. d That's why I'm known as
strong upon the microphone dCopy !req
308. d And then they try
to hang me dry dCopy !req
309. d But then it's do or die when they
don't give you a reason why dCopy !req
310. d They be sweatin', forgettin'
they appointed us dCopy !req
311. d Damn disgusting
They be tearin' up the joint dCopy !req
312. d If there wasn't music to use
on a flex and go stylin' dCopy !req
313. d Terminator X
buck wildin' dCopy !req
314. d That's right, y'all
We're gonna fight the power dCopy !req
315. d 1991, no war for all
Come on dCopy !req
316. - d Kick it d
- d Come on, go dCopy !req
317. - d Everybody throw your arms
in the air like this d
- d Go, go, go, go dCopy !req
318. - d Everybody throw your arms
in the air like this d
- d Go, go, go, go dCopy !req
319. d Everybody say "oh" dCopy !req
320. - d Oh d
- d Say "oh" dCopy !req
321. - d Oh d
- d Say "oh, oh" dCopy !req
322. - d Oh, oh d
- d Ohhh dCopy !req
323. - d Somebody say fight the power d
- d Fight the power dCopy !req
324. d Power for now, get down
Fight the power dCopy !req
325. - d Everybody say fight the power d
- d Fight the power dCopy !req
326. d Power to the people
Say damn dCopy !req
327. - d Fight the power
Somebody say fight the power d
- d Fight the power dCopy !req
328. d Power for now
Fight the power dCopy !req
329. - d Everybody say fight the power d
- d Fight the power dCopy !req
330. d Yeah, we got to fight
the powers that be, yo dCopy !req
331. - d Elvis was a hero to most d
- d What dCopy !req
332. - d Elvis was a hero to most d
- d What dCopy !req
333. d Elvis was a hero to most
But he never meant... to me dCopy !req
334. d You see, straight-out racist
the sucker was simple and plain dCopy !req
335. d Mother... him
and John Wayne dCopy !req
336. d 'Cause I'm black and I'm proud
and hyped plus I'm amped dCopy !req
337. d Most of my heroes
don't appear on no stamps dCopy !req
338. d Sample a look back
You look and find nothin' dCopy !req
339. d But rednecks for 400 years
if you check dCopy !req
340. - d Don't worry, be happy d
- Was our number-one jam dCopy !req
341. d Damn if I say it
You can slap me right here dCopy !req
342. - d Get it d
- d Let's get this party started right dCopy !req
343. - d Right on d
- d Come on dCopy !req
344. d What we got to say dCopy !req
345. d Power to the people
No delay dCopy !req
346. d Make everybody see dCopy !req
347. d In order to fight
the powers that be dCopy !req
348. - d Hit me d
- d Go, go, Flava dCopy !req
349. - d Come on, yo d
- d Go, Flava dCopy !req
350. d Go, Flava, go, Flava dCopy !req
351. d Go, Flava, go, Flava dCopy !req
352. d Yo, they're not gonna
turn you down on this show dCopy !req
353. d Going, going, gone
Now I dialed 911 ddCopy !req