1. The Prison Cable Network
proudly presents...Copy !req
2. Win, Lose or Draw...Copy !req
3. with your host, 680031, Angel Martinez.!Copy !req
4. - Ay, ay, ay, ay!Copy !req
5. All right! Ay!
Gracias, Warden Thomas.Copy !req
6. Tonight's a very special night for us
because...Copy !req
7. I'm going to give you hint.
¡Muchachas.!Copy !req
8. - The women...Copy !req
9. of the Cleveland Highlands
Correctional Facility are here
to play our game with us.Copy !req
10. - So, first, let's meet the ladies.Copy !req
11. First up, there's Blaze.Copy !req
12. That's one hot mama.Copy !req
13. Next is Lobotomy.Copy !req
14. She spends her free time
volunteering for medical experiments.Copy !req
15. And last, but not least, Buster.Copy !req
16. You might know her last husband.
He sings soprano for the prison choir.Copy !req
17. - Nothing wrong with that, man!Copy !req
18. Now, are you ready
to meet our reigning champions?Copy !req
19. Even though you might know them,
I'll do it again, okay?Copy !req
20. First up, Charlie.Copy !req
21. - Next, Tiny.
- Ha ha ha...Copy !req
22. Tiny! Right!Copy !req
23. And of course, Big Hector.Copy !req
24. Groovy, Hector.!Copy !req
25. Oh, and of course,
next to Big Hector, like always, Chicken.Copy !req
26. - Now let's play the game.Copy !req
27. We'll start with the ladies, okay?
Hey, Blaze, come on.Copy !req
28. - Go on, Blaze.! Go on. Whoo.!
- Hey, Blaze...Copy !req
29. why don't you tell us
a little bit of something about yourself?Copy !req
30. Well, Angel, I collect matchbooks...Copy !req
31. I love to barbecue...Copy !req
32. and my idea of a romantic evening...Copy !req
33. is to curl up
in front of a blazing building.Copy !req
34. Ay yi yi yi yi!Copy !req
35. Huh? Is it just me or am I getting
really, really hot?Copy !req
36. Sounds great.
Okay, let's begin, okay?Copy !req
37. Our first clue will be an emotion.Copy !req
38. Rage.! A-Anger.!Copy !req
39. - No, no, no, no.
- No, no! Bloodlust!Copy !req
40. - Bloodlust.!
- No, I think more of...
it's a happy emotion, okay?Copy !req
41. Total numbness.Copy !req
42. I have to have you, Buster!
I want you!Copy !req
43. - Vasectomy!
- Never mind.Copy !req
44. Uh, Rupture? Rupture.!Copy !req
45. A hernia! A ruptured hernia!Copy !req
46. No, no, no. It's a happy emotion.
Anyone?Copy !req
47. - Take the blue pills?Copy !req
48. Time's up.
Guys, can you steal this one?Copy !req
49. - Is it...Copy !req
50. the satisfaction
of stabbing a guard 57 times?Copy !req
51. - That's it, man!Copy !req
52. Stabbing a guard 57 times!
I should have got that one!Copy !req
53. - Now, Charlie, come up, man.
- All right, man.Copy !req
54. Hey, Charlie,
have you done a lot of drawing?Copy !req
55. Not really, man.
I've done a lot of sculpture, though.Copy !req
56. Mostly, I like to carve human figures.Copy !req
57. - Ay yi yi yi yi.Copy !req
58. - Oh.
- Okay, Charlie...Copy !req
59. let me tell you a little bit
about this puzzle, okay?Copy !req
60. Wait a second!Copy !req
61. - Is it a place?
- Yes. How... How do you know that?Copy !req
62. I'm right inside your head.Copy !req
63. Oh.! Oh, I got this one.
Uh, is it a... a... a woman?Copy !req
64. No. A buxom woman.Copy !req
65. No. A buxom woman with big breastesses?Copy !req
66. I said a place, man!Copy !req
67. - A woman with really, really
big breastesses in a place?Copy !req
68. Uh, no, no.
Ladies, can you steal this one?Copy !req
69. The Continental United States?Copy !req
70. - That's it, man! The Continental United States.Copy !req
71. You guys should have got that one, man.
You guys weren't even thinking, man.Copy !req
72. I think if you look again...Copy !req
73. it's really a woman with two big breasts
in a place.Copy !req
74. Oh, yes, yes. As a matter of fact, he's right.
She's right in Florida.Copy !req
75. I didn't see her.
Big Hector's team wins again.Copy !req
76. - I'm very sorry.Copy !req
77. That's bull crap!Copy !req
78. I want you, Buster!
I got to have you, baby!Copy !req
79. - I gotta...
- Put your head between your legs.Copy !req
80. I want you Lobotomy! I got to have you!Copy !req
81. - I want you!
- Just breathe. Just breathe, man!Copy !req
82. Just breathe.Copy !req
83. Okay. Now what this means is
is that Big Hector's team...Copy !req
84. advances to the speed round, okay?Copy !req
85. All right. Now, they'll have 30 seconds
to name Hector's four pictures.Copy !req
86. Okay. Come on, Big Hector!
Come up here. Come on.Copy !req
87. - Come on, guys!
- Yeah!Copy !req
88. Let's establish a psychic link.!Copy !req
89. - Vehicular homicide?Copy !req
90. Yeah!Copy !req
91. The dog that told me to shoot Rick Dees!Copy !req
92. - Yeah.!Copy !req
93. Oh! I know this. Oh.
Oh, Uh, a woman with big breastesses...Copy !req
94. uh, on Golden Pond!Copy !req
95. - Yeah.!Copy !req
96. Uh, I got this. Uh, birds flying over a woman
with... with big breastesses?Copy !req
97. - Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
98. Off of you!Copy !req
99. All right! That means your team
has guessed all four of them.Copy !req
100. Warden Thomas, can you tell them
what beautiful gifts they have won?Copy !req
101. you've each won an elegant personal
grooming kit from the prison supply house.Copy !req
102. And for the prisoner who has everything...Copy !req
103. but doesn't want to give it up...
Soap on a Rope.Copy !req
104. All right.! Well, that's it.Copy !req
105. I hope you enjoyed it.Copy !req
106. That's it for Win, Lose or Draw.Copy !req
107. Until tomorrow, this is Angel saying...Copy !req
108. "Keep drawing, even if it's only scratch marks
on the inside of your cell wall."Copy !req
109. I know why you're ignoring me.Copy !req
110. It's because I'm just little Marsha Warfield.Copy !req
111. But you see, Todd, I'm drinking milk.Copy !req
112. And when you drink milk...Copy !req
113. it helps to build your bones
and make your body stronger.Copy !req
114. That way I won't always
be little Marsha Warfield.Copy !req
115. In fact, if I keep drinking milk...Copy !req
116. one day,
I'm going to be big Marsha Warfield.Copy !req
117. You understand what I'm saying, sucker?Copy !req
118. As a matter of fact, I think when I am...Copy !req
119. I'm just gonna kick the livin' crap out of you.Copy !req
120. Come over here. Where you get off...Copy !req
121. ignoring me all these years...Copy !req
122. huh, you little punk?Copy !req
123. Don't you know how sexy I am?Copy !req
124. Milk... it does a body real good.Copy !req
125. And so the progress up to this point...Copy !req
126. has been about what we expected...Copy !req
127. and we expect this progression
to progress the way we expect it to...Copy !req
128. at least, that is, our expectation
as to this point in the overall progress.Copy !req
129. - Are there any more questions?
- We have heard rumors
of massive troop movements.Copy !req
130. Can you tell us anything about that?Copy !req
131. I can neither confirm nor deny that. Next?Copy !req
132. Why do you still consider men missing...Copy !req
133. when we've all seen them
as prisoners of war on TV?Copy !req
134. I believe I didn't answer that question
at yesterday's briefing.Copy !req
135. - Is the gulf still being mined?
- Admiral Keating?Copy !req
136. Could you repeat the question, please?Copy !req
137. - Is the gulf still being mined?
- Could you repeat it again, please?Copy !req
138. - Is the gulf still being mined?
- No comment.Copy !req
139. Can you give us any more information
on the bomb damage assessment?Copy !req
140. I believe we have a video
to help illustrate this.Copy !req
141. As you can clearly see,
this is a plane flying somewhere.Copy !req
142. It drops something and something happens.Copy !req
143. There is a thing there. And then afterwards,
there may or may not be a thing there.Copy !req
144. I hope that clears everything up.Copy !req
145. I have a two-part question.Copy !req
146. What would it take to end the war...Copy !req
147. and will the U.S. Accept a post-war Iraq...Copy !req
148. with Saddam Hussein still in power?Copy !req
149. I think I can answer that in two ways.
Number one...Copy !req
150. that's for me to know and you to find out.Copy !req
151. And number two,
ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies...Copy !req
152. your nose is big enough
for a girl twice your size.Copy !req
153. Would you ever use nuclear weapons?Copy !req
154. I'm not gonna tell, your feet smell...Copy !req
155. ask me again, you can go to hell.Copy !req
156. That's about all the questions
we have time not to answer today.Copy !req
157. The attachés will be
handing out printed copies...Copy !req
158. of all the information we didn't give you.Copy !req
159. There will be another briefing tomorrow...Copy !req
160. and we will be prepared to not answer
any more questions you have then.Copy !req
161. - Sir, what time?
- We'd rather not say.Copy !req
162. This has been
a particularly non-informative briefing.Copy !req
163. We'll be right back to recap
everything they didn't say...Copy !req
164. next on C.N.N.Copy !req
165. You said yourself you don't know
how to speak to these people.Copy !req
166. This guy is from here.
They trust him.Copy !req
167. He speaks their language.Copy !req
168. Well...Copy !req
169. I guess B.B. King worked for Atwater.Copy !req
170. Okay, let's do it.Copy !req
171. Helmsly! Helmsly! Helmsly!Copy !req
172. Hey, y'all!Copy !req
173. I've been your senator now
for about seven years...Copy !req
174. and, uh, with a little help from you...Copy !req
175. I'll be your senator
for another seven years.Copy !req
176. - How about that?Copy !req
177. Sure, you can applaud for that!Copy !req
178. You know,
I could go on forever out here...Copy !req
179. but I think it's time
for a little musical entertainment.Copy !req
180. I'd like to introduce
a very talented songwriter...Copy !req
181. and a dear, dear friend of mine...Copy !req
182. Mr. Calhoun Tibbs!Copy !req
183. Thank you!
Thank you very much. All right!Copy !req
184. Thank you. All right. Thank you.Copy !req
185. And the name is Tubbs.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
186. - About time you changed that.
- Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
187. I ain't runnin' for no public office...Copy !req
188. so I can tell the truth.Copy !req
189. Now, look here,
I've been in this neighborhood over 35 years.Copy !req
190. Seen 'em come and go. And I done known
the senator ever since he first come up.Copy !req
191. See, to make it in politics,
you got to have a gimmick.Copy !req
192. The senator got him a gimmick... me.Copy !req
193. Matter of fact, he started my career
by giving me my first job.Copy !req
194. Wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.Copy !req
195. Thank you very much. All right.Copy !req
196. All right. Now, you know what?Copy !req
197. I know some of y'all say the good senator
don't care about the little people.Copy !req
198. But I know that ain't true...Copy !req
199. 'cause this man here, he own five buildings
right here in this neighborhood.Copy !req
200. And he always take a personal interest...Copy !req
201. in every one of his tenants.Copy !req
202. Wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.Copy !req
203. - Thank you very much! All right!Copy !req
204. But look here. You know what?Copy !req
205. I always tell the little babies...Copy !req
206. "Stay off the junk and you'll go far."Copy !req
207. See, that's what's so amazing
about this man right here.Copy !req
208. From the minute he took office...Copy !req
209. he always got himself
personally involved in the war on the drugs.Copy !req
210. He even started his own drug program.Copy !req
211. I ain't write no song about that,
but I think I could right now.Copy !req
212. Like to hear it? Here it go.Copy !req
213. - Thank you very much!
- Wait a minute.Copy !req
214. Uh, that does not effect
my decision-making in any way.Copy !req
215. Now, you know what? I know
some of y'all done heard them nasty rumors...Copy !req
216. about the senator
running around with other women.Copy !req
217. But I'm here to tell you,
now I know for a fact that ain't true.Copy !req
218. That is not true.
That senator would never touch no female.Copy !req
219. Wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.Copy !req
220. Thank you very much! All right.Copy !req
221. They were all consenting adults!Copy !req
222. - Everyone of them!Copy !req
223. Just go and have a seat.Copy !req
224. Thank you for your deposit here
at First Intrastate Sperm Bank.Copy !req
225. - Okay, nobody move! This is a hold up!
- Hey! Wha... What?Copy !req
226. - Hey. Listen...
- No, you listen!Copy !req
227. I'm your worst nightmare.Copy !req
228. I'm 39, I'm childless, and I'm ovulating!Copy !req
229. So you give me Denzel Washington's
deposit right now!Copy !req
230. Listen, um, um, l-I'm sorry...Copy !req
231. but Denzel Washington
doesn't have an account here.Copy !req
232. Look, uh, we've got Milli Vanilli.Copy !req
233. That could be anybody's!
What else you got?Copy !req
234. - Listen, we've gotJames Worthy somewhere.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
235. You and everybody else! Now, stop stalling!Copy !req
236. You know, there are more conventional ways
to go about this.Copy !req
237. And I've tried them all!
I tried the personal ads.Copy !req
238. I tried the prison pen pals.Copy !req
239. Girl, I was on the Love Connection
five times...Copy !req
240. and only four percent
of the audience voted for me.Copy !req
241. Well, l-I'm sure it's gonna be okay.Copy !req
242. - Just... We'll cooperate, just relax. Calm down.Copy !req
243. All right, Mama! I'm coming! Just wait!Copy !req
244. Look, you don't understand, girl.Copy !req
245. My biological time clock
went off two years ago. Two years ago!Copy !req
246. So if I don't leave here with some swollen ankles
and a pickle in my mouth...Copy !req
247. I'm gonna take out the whole sports collection.Copy !req
248. Hey, hey. Why don't you just take me
and let the specimens go free?Copy !req
249. Oh, yeah. That's what I need, huh?Copy !req
250. Some man
whose idea of a romantic evening...Copy !req
251. is sittin' home pickin' out his toe jam?Copy !req
252. Oh, come on, lady! Just take him and go!Copy !req
253. We was having so much fun
till you showed up!Copy !req
254. I'm ain't leaving with nobody
who's dating a Dixie cup!Copy !req
255. Go ahead, rub it in!Copy !req
256. You know, I haven't been with a woman
in a long time, all right?Copy !req
257. My water bed has barnacles growing on it!Copy !req
258. You know how boring my life is?
I saw you on Love Connection all five times.Copy !req
259. - Hell, I even voted for you!
- You did?Copy !req
260. Except for the time your mother
came up and backhanded Chuck,
but, I mean, other than that...Copy !req
261. - And you like me? You really like me?
- You know that's right.Copy !req
262. Excuse me. Do you think you can please
take this elsewhere? This is a place of business.Copy !req
263. - Oh, baby. Yeah.
- Come on. Let's get out of here.Copy !req
264. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.Copy !req
265. I just saved the world from another generation
of New Kids on the Block.Copy !req
266. Told ya. We were back in two and two.Copy !req
267. Welcome back to Love Connection.Copy !req
268. If I'm not Chuck Woolery,
why am I sleeping with his wife?Copy !req
269. Let's meet our next couple,
back to tell us how their date went.Copy !req
270. She's a controversial comedienne
who knows what she wants from a guy...Copy !req
271. Andrea Dice Clay!Copy !req
272. - Hi, Andrea.
- Yeah. Kiss, kiss.Copy !req
273. Hey, Chuck, I, uh,
made a little rhyme for you backstage.Copy !req
274. It goes something like this.Copy !req
275. Chuck, Chuck, bo-buck,
banana-fanna-fo...Copy !req
276. - Okay!
- Whatever.Copy !req
277. He considers himself a sensitive guy...Copy !req
278. and a man who treats his date like a lady...Copy !req
279. even though he's a major movie star.Copy !req
280. Say hello to Patrick Swayze!Copy !req
281. Hello, Chuck.Copy !req
282. I just want to say
that I watch this show often and, well...Copy !req
283. I love you, man.Copy !req
284. That's great, Patrick.Copy !req
285. Andrea might be a little more receptive
to that love, however.Copy !req
286. - What about it, Andrea?
- Chuck, you know something...Copy !req
287. I'm not looking for love, you know?Copy !req
288. Just sh...
And get out the outta my face.Copy !req
289. See? It's that very attitude
that made our date such a disaster, Chuck.Copy !req
290. What disaster?
I thought it went pretty good.Copy !req
291. I mean, we both finished. Ho!Copy !req
292. How did the date begin, Pat?Copy !req
293. I wanted to take her dancing.Copy !req
294. - I like to think of myself
as a pretty good dancer.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
295. - I was the star of Dirty Dancing and...
- Yeah.Copy !req
296. You call that dancing?Copy !req
297. In that case, my dog does plenty of dancing
with my couch pillows...Copy !req
298. only he's got a,
you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
299. See what I mean, Chuck?
She's an animal!Copy !req
300. Oh, stop your whining and complaining.Copy !req
301. I'm the one with the carpet burns
on my ...Copy !req
302. for crying out loud!Copy !req
303. She's got a point there, Pat.Copy !req
304. Hey, I got two of'em, Chuckie.
I seen you looking. What?Copy !req
305. - Maybe we should turn up the heat in the studio.Copy !req
306. Chuck, I'm into martial arts.Copy !req
307. - I've got an incredible body.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
308. I'm practically a god,
with these streaks and tips in my hair.Copy !req
309. - Yeah.
- But I'm also sensitive.Copy !req
310. - Mm.
- I only wanted to show Miss Clay...Copy !req
311. the finer points of the city.Copy !req
312. Oh, come on! I showed you places
on your ceiling you ain't ever seen.Copy !req
313. - Ho!
- Well, it looks like Andrea...Copy !req
314. wanted Patrick
to live up to his screen image...Copy !req
315. while Patrick obviously expected
to date within his own species.Copy !req
316. I'm killin' myself.Copy !req
317. Let's see who our audience picked for Andrea.Copy !req
318. Was it Patrick, Pete Townshend...Copy !req
319. or GraceJones?Copy !req
320. Well, the audience still picked Patrick...Copy !req
321. so if you two'd like to go out again,
we'll pay for it.Copy !req
322. Sure, what the hell.
I'll do honey buns again...Copy !req
323. if he'll cut his hair in a flat top...Copy !req
324. so I got someplace to set my drink...Copy !req
325. when, you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
326. What?Copy !req
327. Looks like it's up to you, Patrick.Copy !req
328. Do you want to go out with Andrea again?Copy !req
329. - My mama didn't raise no quitter, Chuck.
- Well, there you have it.Copy !req
330. See you next week. In the meantime...Copy !req
331. may all of your dates be major
and your carpet burns be minor.Copy !req
332. Skippy, could you do us a favor?Copy !req
333. - Tell them what to do.Copy !req