1. The Prison Cable Network
proudly presents...Copy !req
2. Win, Lose or Draw...Copy !req
3. with your host, 680031, Angel Martinez.!Copy !req
4. - Ay, ay, ay, ay!Copy !req
5. All right! Ay!
Gracias, Warden Thomas.Copy !req
6. Tonight's a very special night for us
because...Copy !req
7. I'm going to give you hint.
¡Muchachas.!Copy !req
8. - [Howling, Whistling]
- The women...Copy !req
9. of the Cleveland Highlands
Correctional Facility are here
to play our game with us.Copy !req
10. - So, first, let's meet the ladies.Copy !req
11. First up, there's Blaze.Copy !req
12. That's one hot mama.Copy !req
13. Next is Lobotomy.Copy !req
14. She spends her free time
volunteering for medical experiments.Copy !req
15. And last, but not least, Buster.Copy !req
16. You might know her last husband.
He sings soprano for the prison choir.Copy !req
17. - Nothing wrong with that, man!Copy !req
18. Now, are you ready
to meet our reigning champions?Copy !req
19. Even though you might know them,
I'll do it again, okay?Copy !req
20. First up, Charlie.Copy !req
21. - Next, Tiny.
- Ha ha ha...Copy !req
22. Tiny! Right!Copy !req
23. And of course, Big Hector.Copy !req
24. Groovy, Hector.!Copy !req
25. Oh, and of course,
next to Big Hector, like always, Chicken.Copy !req
26. - [Cheering, Applause]
- Now let's play the game.Copy !req
27. We'll start with the ladies, okay?
Hey, Blaze, come on.Copy !req
28. - Go on, Blaze.! Go on. Whoo.!
- Hey, Blaze...Copy !req
29. why don't you tell us
a little bit of something about yourself?Copy !req
30. Well, Angel, I collect matchbooks...Copy !req
31. I love to barbecue...Copy !req
32. and my idea of a romantic evening...Copy !req
33. is to curl up
in front of a blazing building.Copy !req
34. Ay yi yi yi yi!Copy !req
35. Huh? Is it just me or am I getting
really, really hot?Copy !req
36. Sounds great.
Okay, let's begin, okay?Copy !req
37. Our first clue will be an emotion.Copy !req
38. Rage.! A-Anger.!Copy !req
39. - No, no, no, no.
- No, no! Bloodlust!Copy !req
40. - Bloodlust.!
- No, I think more of...
it's a happy emotion, okay?Copy !req
41. Total numbness.Copy !req
42. I have to have you, Buster!
I want you!Copy !req
43. - Vasectomy!
- Never mind.Copy !req
44. Uh, Rupture? Rupture.!Copy !req
45. A hernia! A ruptured hernia!Copy !req
46. No, no, no. It's a happy emotion.
Anyone?Copy !req
47. - Take the blue pills?Copy !req
48. Time's up.
Guys, can you steal this one?Copy !req
49. - Is it...Copy !req
50. the satisfaction
of stabbing a guard 57 times?Copy !req
51. - That's it, man!Copy !req
52. Stabbing a guard 57 times!
I should have got that one!Copy !req
53. - Now, Charlie, come up, man.
- All right, man.Copy !req
54. Hey, Charlie,
have you done a lot of drawing?Copy !req
55. Not really, man.
I've done a lot of sculpture, though.Copy !req
56. Mostly, I like to carve human figures.Copy !req
57. - Ay yi yi yi yi.Copy !req
58. - Oh.
- Okay, Charlie...Copy !req
59. let me tell you a little bit
about this puzzle, okay?Copy !req
60. Wait a second!Copy !req
61. - Is it a place?
- Yes. How... How do you know that?Copy !req
62. I'm right inside your head.Copy !req
63. Oh.! Oh, I got this one.
Uh, is it a... a... a woman?Copy !req
64. No. A buxom woman.Copy !req
65. No. A buxom woman with big breastesses?Copy !req
66. I said a place, man!Copy !req
67. - A woman with really, really
big breastesses in a place?Copy !req
68. Uh, no, no.
Ladies, can you steal this one?Copy !req
69. The Continental United States?Copy !req
70. - That's it, man! The Continental United States.Copy !req
71. You guys should have got that one, man.
You guys weren't even thinking, man.Copy !req
72. I think if you look again...Copy !req
73. it's really a woman with two big breasts
in a place.Copy !req
74. Oh, yes, yes. As a matter of fact, he's right.
She's right in Florida.Copy !req
75. I didn't see her.
Big Hector's team wins again.Copy !req
76. - I'm very sorry.Copy !req
77. That's bull crap!
[Shouting, Indistinct]Copy !req
78. I want you, Buster!
I got to have you, baby!Copy !req
79. - I gotta...
- Put your head between your legs.Copy !req
80. I want you Lobotomy! I got to have you!Copy !req
81. - I want you!
- Just breathe. Just breathe, man!Copy !req
82. Just breathe.Copy !req
83. Okay. Now what this means is
is that Big Hector's team...Copy !req
84. advances to the speed round, okay?Copy !req
85. All right. Now, they'll have 30 seconds
to name Hector's four pictures.Copy !req
86. Okay. Come on, Big Hector!
Come up here. Come on.Copy !req
87. - Come on, guys!
- Yeah!Copy !req
88. Let's establish a psychic link.!Copy !req
89. - Vehicular homicide?Copy !req
90. Yeah!Copy !req
91. The dog that told me to shoot Rick Dees!Copy !req
92. - Yeah.!Copy !req
93. Oh! I know this. Oh.
Oh, Uh, a woman with big breastesses...Copy !req
94. uh, on Golden Pond!Copy !req
95. - Yeah.!Copy !req
96. Uh, I got this. Uh, birds flying over a woman
with... with big breastesses?Copy !req
97. - Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
98. - [Cheering, Applause]
- [Shouting, Indistinct]Copy !req
99. Off of you!Copy !req
100. All right! That means your team
has guessed all four of them.Copy !req
101. Warden Thomas, can you tell them
what beautiful gifts they have won?Copy !req
102. you've each won an elegant personal
grooming kit from the prison supply house.Copy !req
103. And for the prisoner who has everything...Copy !req
104. but doesn't want to give it up...
Soap on a Rope.Copy !req
105. All right.! Well, that's it.Copy !req
106. I hope you enjoyed it.Copy !req
107. That's it for Win, Lose or Draw.Copy !req
108. Until tomorrow, this is Angel saying...Copy !req
109. "Keep drawing, even if it's only scratch marks
on the inside of your cell wall."Copy !req
110. I know why you're ignoring me.Copy !req
111. It's because I'm just little Marsha Warfield.Copy !req
112. But you see, Todd, I'm drinking milk.Copy !req
113. And when you drink milk...Copy !req
114. it helps to build your bones
and make your body stronger.Copy !req
115. That way I won't always
be little Marsha Warfield.Copy !req
116. In fact, if I keep drinking milk...Copy !req
117. one day,
I'm going to be big Marsha Warfield.Copy !req
118. You understand what I'm saying, sucker?Copy !req
119. As a matter of fact, I think when I am...Copy !req
120. I'm just gonna kick the livin' crap out of you.Copy !req
121. Come over here. Where you get off...Copy !req
122. ignoring me all these years...Copy !req
123. huh, you little punk?Copy !req
124. Don't you know how sexy I am?Copy !req
125. Milk... it does a body real good.Copy !req
126. And so the progress up to this point...Copy !req
127. has been about what we expected...Copy !req
128. and we expect this progression
to progress the way we expect it to...Copy !req
129. at least, that is, our expectation
as to this point in the overall progress.Copy !req
130. - Are there any more questions?
- We have heard rumors
of massive troop movements.Copy !req
131. Can you tell us anything about that?Copy !req
132. I can neither confirm nor deny that. Next?Copy !req
133. Why do you still consider men missing...Copy !req
134. when we've all seen them
as prisoners of war on TV?Copy !req
135. I believe I didn't answer that question
at yesterday's briefing.Copy !req
136. - Is the gulf still being mined?
- Admiral Keating?Copy !req
137. Could you repeat the question, please?Copy !req
138. - Is the gulf still being mined?
- Could you repeat it again, please?Copy !req
139. - Is the gulf still being mined?
- No comment.Copy !req
140. Can you give us any more information
on the bomb damage assessment?Copy !req
141. I believe we have a video
to help illustrate this.Copy !req
142. As you can clearly see,
this is a plane flying somewhere.Copy !req
143. It drops something and something happens.Copy !req
144. There is a thing there. And then afterwards,
there may or may not be a thing there.Copy !req
145. I hope that clears everything up.Copy !req
146. I have a two-part question.Copy !req
147. What would it take to end the war...Copy !req
148. and will the U.S. Accept a post-war Iraq...Copy !req
149. with Saddam Hussein still in power?Copy !req
150. I think I can answer that in two ways.
Number one...Copy !req
151. that's for me to know and you to find out.Copy !req
152. And number two,
ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies...Copy !req
153. your nose is big enough
for a girl twice your size.Copy !req
154. Would you ever use nuclear weapons?Copy !req
155. I'm not gonna tell, your feet smell...Copy !req
156. ask me again, you can go to hell.Copy !req
157. That's about all the questions
we have time not to answer today.Copy !req
158. The attachés will be
handing out printed copies...Copy !req
159. of all the information we didn't give you.Copy !req
160. There will be another briefing tomorrow...Copy !req
161. and we will be prepared to not answer
any more questions you have then.Copy !req
162. - Sir, what time?
- We'd rather not say.Copy !req
163. This has been
a particularly non-informative briefing.Copy !req
164. We'll be right back to recap
everything they didn't say...Copy !req
165. next on C.N.N.Copy !req
166. You said yourself you don't know
how to speak to these people.Copy !req
167. This guy is from here.
They trust him.Copy !req
168. He speaks their language.Copy !req
169. Well...Copy !req
170. I guess B.B. King worked for Atwater.Copy !req
171. Okay, let's do it.Copy !req
172. Helmsly! Helmsly! Helmsly!Copy !req
173. Hey, y'all!Copy !req
174. I've been your senator now
for about seven years...Copy !req
175. and, uh, with a little help from you...Copy !req
176. I'll be your senator
for another seven years.Copy !req
177. - How about that?Copy !req
178. Sure, you can applaud for that!Copy !req
179. You know,
I could go on forever out here...Copy !req
180. but I think it's time
for a little musical entertainment.Copy !req
181. I'd like to introduce
a very talented songwriter...Copy !req
182. and a dear, dear friend of mine...Copy !req
183. Mr. Calhoun Tibbs!Copy !req
184. Thank you!
Thank you very much. All right!Copy !req
185. Thank you. All right. Thank you.Copy !req
186. And the name is Tubbs.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
187. - About time you changed that.
- Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
188. I ain't runnin' for no public office...Copy !req
189. so I can tell the truth.Copy !req
190. Now, look here,
I've been in this neighborhood over 35 years.Copy !req
191. Seen 'em come and go. And I done known
the senator ever since he first come up.Copy !req
192. See, to make it in politics,
you got to have a gimmick.Copy !req
193. The senator got him a gimmick... me.Copy !req
194. Matter of fact, he started my career
by giving me my first job.Copy !req
195. Wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.Copy !req
196. Thank you very much. All right.Copy !req
197. All right. Now, you know what?Copy !req
198. I know some of y'all say the good senator
don't care about the little people.Copy !req
199. But I know that ain't true...Copy !req
200. 'cause this man here, he own five buildings
right here in this neighborhood.Copy !req
201. And he always take a personal interest...Copy !req
202. in every one of his tenants.Copy !req
203. Wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.Copy !req
204. - Thank you very much! All right!Copy !req
205. But look here. You know what?Copy !req
206. I always tell the little babies...Copy !req
207. "Stay off the junk and you'll go far."Copy !req
208. See, that's what's so amazing
about this man right here.Copy !req
209. From the minute he took office...Copy !req
210. he always got himself
personally involved in the war on the drugs.Copy !req
211. He even started his own drug program.Copy !req
212. I ain't write no song about that,
but I think I could right now.Copy !req
213. Like to hear it? Here it go.Copy !req
214. - Thank you very much!
- Wait a minute.Copy !req
215. Uh, that does not effect
my decision-making in any way.Copy !req
216. Now, you know what? I know
some of y'all done heard them nasty rumors...Copy !req
217. about the senator
running around with other women.Copy !req
218. But I'm here to tell you,
now I know for a fact that ain't true.Copy !req
219. That is not true.
That senator would never touch no female.Copy !req
220. Wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.Copy !req
221. Thank you very much! All right.Copy !req
222. They were all consenting adults!Copy !req
223. - Everyone of them!Copy !req
224. - [Talking, Indistinct]Copy !req
225. Just go and have a seat.Copy !req
226. Thank you for your deposit here
at First Intrastate Sperm Bank.Copy !req
227. - Okay, nobody move! This is a hold up!
- Hey! Wha... What?Copy !req
228. - Hey. Listen...
- No, you listen!Copy !req
229. I'm your worst nightmare.Copy !req
230. I'm 39, I'm childless, and I'm ovulating!Copy !req
231. So you give me Denzel Washington's
deposit right now!Copy !req
232. Listen, um, um, l-I'm sorry...Copy !req
233. but Denzel Washington
doesn't have an account here.Copy !req
234. Look, uh, we've got Milli Vanilli.Copy !req
235. That could be anybody's!
What else you got?Copy !req
236. - Listen, we've gotJames Worthy somewhere.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
237. You and everybody else! Now, stop stalling!Copy !req
238. You know, there are more conventional ways
to go about this.Copy !req
239. And I've tried them all!
I tried the personal ads.Copy !req
240. I tried the prison pen pals.Copy !req
241. Girl, I was on the Love Connection
five times...Copy !req
242. and only four percent
of the audience voted for me.Copy !req
243. Well, l-I'm sure it's gonna be okay.Copy !req
244. - Just... We'll cooperate, just relax. Calm down.Copy !req
245. All right, Mama! I'm coming! Just wait!Copy !req
246. Look, you don't understand, girl.Copy !req
247. My biological time clock
went off two years ago. Two years ago!Copy !req
248. So if I don't leave here with some swollen ankles
and a pickle in my mouth...Copy !req
249. I'm gonna take out the whole sports collection.Copy !req
250. Hey, hey. Why don't you just take me
and let the specimens go free?Copy !req
251. Oh, yeah. That's what I need, huh?Copy !req
252. Some man
whose idea of a romantic evening...Copy !req
253. is sittin' home pickin' out his toe jam?Copy !req
254. Oh, come on, lady! Just take him and go!Copy !req
255. We was having so much fun
till you showed up!Copy !req
256. I'm ain't leaving with nobody
who's dating a Dixie cup!Copy !req
257. Go ahead, rub it in!Copy !req
258. You know, I haven't been with a woman
in a long time, all right?Copy !req
259. My water bed has barnacles growing on it!Copy !req
260. You know how boring my life is?
I saw you on Love Connection all five times.Copy !req
261. - Hell, I even voted for you!
- You did?Copy !req
262. Except for the time your mother
came up and backhanded Chuck,
but, I mean, other than that...Copy !req
263. - And you like me? You really like me?
- You know that's right.Copy !req
264. Excuse me. Do you think you can please
take this elsewhere? This is a place of business.Copy !req
265. - Oh, baby. Yeah.
- Come on. Let's get out of here.Copy !req
266. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.Copy !req
267. I just saved the world from another generation
of New Kids on the Block.Copy !req
268. Told ya. We were back in two and two.Copy !req
269. Welcome back to Love Connection.Copy !req
270. If I'm not Chuck Woolery,
why am I sleeping with his wife?Copy !req
271. Let's meet our next couple,
back to tell us how their date went.Copy !req
272. She's a controversial comedienne
who knows what she wants from a guy...Copy !req
273. Andrea Dice Clay!Copy !req
274. - Hi, Andrea.
- Yeah. Kiss, kiss.Copy !req
275. Hey, Chuck, I, uh,
made a little rhyme for you backstage.Copy !req
276. It goes something like this.Copy !req
277. Chuck, Chuck, bo-buck,
banana-fanna-fo...Copy !req
278. - Okay!
- Whatever.Copy !req
279. He considers himself a sensitive guy...Copy !req
280. and a man who treats his date like a lady...Copy !req
281. even though he's a major movie star.Copy !req
282. Say hello to Patrick Swayze!Copy !req
283. Hello, Chuck.Copy !req
284. I just want to say
that I watch this show often and, well...Copy !req
285. I love you, man.Copy !req
286. That's great, Patrick.Copy !req
287. Andrea might be a little more receptive
to that love, however.Copy !req
288. - What about it, Andrea?
- Chuck, you know something...Copy !req
289. I'm not looking for love, you know?Copy !req
290. Just sh...
And get out the outta my face.Copy !req
291. See? It's that very attitude
that made our date such a disaster, Chuck.Copy !req
292. What disaster?
I thought it went pretty good.Copy !req
293. I mean, we both finished. Ho!Copy !req
294. How did the date begin, Pat?Copy !req
295. I wanted to take her dancing.Copy !req
296. - I like to think of myself
as a pretty good dancer.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
297. - I was the star of Dirty Dancing and...
- Yeah.Copy !req
298. You call that dancing?Copy !req
299. In that case, my dog does plenty of dancing
with my couch pillows...Copy !req
300. only he's got a,
you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
301. See what I mean, Chuck?
She's an animal!Copy !req
302. Oh, stop your whining and complaining.Copy !req
303. I'm the one with the carpet burns
on my ...Copy !req
304. for crying out loud!Copy !req
305. She's got a point there, Pat.Copy !req
306. Hey, I got two of'em, Chuckie.
I seen you looking. What?Copy !req
307. - Maybe we should turn up the heat in the studio.Copy !req
308. Chuck, I'm into martial arts.Copy !req
309. - I've got an incredible body.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
310. I'm practically a god,
with these streaks and tips in my hair.Copy !req
311. - Yeah.
- But I'm also sensitive.Copy !req
312. - Mm.
- I only wanted to show Miss Clay...Copy !req
313. the finer points of the city.Copy !req
314. Oh, come on! I showed you places
on your ceiling you ain't ever seen.Copy !req
315. - Ho!
- Well, it looks like Andrea...Copy !req
316. wanted Patrick
to live up to his screen image...Copy !req
317. while Patrick obviously expected
to date within his own species.Copy !req
318. I'm killin' myself.Copy !req
319. Let's see who our audience picked for Andrea.Copy !req
320. Was it Patrick, Pete Townshend...Copy !req
321. or GraceJones?Copy !req
322. Well, the audience still picked Patrick...Copy !req
323. so if you two'd like to go out again,
we'll pay for it.Copy !req
324. Sure, what the hell.
I'll do honey buns again...Copy !req
325. if he'll cut his hair in a flat top...Copy !req
326. so I got someplace to set my drink...Copy !req
327. when, you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
328. What?Copy !req
329. Looks like it's up to you, Patrick.Copy !req
330. Do you want to go out with Andrea again?Copy !req
331. - My mama didn't raise no quitter, Chuck.
- Well, there you have it.Copy !req
332. See you next week. In the meantime...Copy !req
333. may all of your dates be major
and your carpet burns be minor.Copy !req
334. Skippy, could you do us a favor?Copy !req
335. - Tell them what to do.Copy !req
336. - [Cheering, Applause]Copy !req