1. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
2. d In living colordCopy !req
3. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
4. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
5. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
6. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
7. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
8. - d Take it from me It's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
9. d And how would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete dCopy !req
10. d And all mankind danced
to the exact beat dCopy !req
11. - d And at night it was safe
to walk down the street d
- d In living colordCopy !req
12. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
13. d In living colordCopy !req
14. d In living colordCopy !req
15. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
16. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
17. d Everybody here is equally kind dCopy !req
18. d Everybody here is equally kind dCopy !req
19. d Everybody, everybody
everybody, everybody dCopy !req
20. - d Everybody here is equally kind d
- d In living colordCopy !req
21. d What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine dCopy !req
22. d In living c-c-c-olordCopy !req
23. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
24. d In living colordCopy !req
25. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
26. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
27. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
28. - d Take it from me It's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
29. d You can do what you wanna do
in living colordCopy !req
30. Ladies and gentlemen, Keenan Ivory Wayans.Copy !req
31. Thank you.Copy !req
32. Thank you very much.
Welcome to the show.Copy !req
33. Glad you could join us tonight.
We're gonna have a lot of fun.Copy !req
34. A few surprises. So even if you gotta go,
hold it for about a half.Copy !req
35. We'll be back. See ya.Copy !req
36. d You can do what you wanna do
in living colorddCopy !req
37. Tired of making up lame excuses?Copy !req
38. Don't you wanna cuddle?
Baby needs a hug.Copy !req
39. I can't hug you right now.
I'm still sleeping.Copy !req
40. Is postcoital cuddling bringing you down?Copy !req
41. See, you don't understand. I got to be
somewhere at 6:00 tomorrow morning.Copy !req
42. Then I'll leave with you.Copy !req
43. No. But, uh,
you can't leave with me...Copy !req
44. 'cause my car was in an accident
and it only has one seat left.Copy !req
45. - Then I'll sit on your lap.
- Uh, listen.Copy !req
46. Now, I didn't wanna have to tell you this,
and it's top secret.Copy !req
47. I'm on a mission for the C.I.A.
I have to travel alone.Copy !req
48. It's a matter of life and death.Copy !req
49. But if you die, I don't wanna live.Copy !req
50. Geez, what do I have to do to get rid of her?Copy !req
51. Sounds like you need
the Ejector Bed from Rudeco.Copy !req
52. Yes, it's simple to operate and can eject
up to 2,000 pounds in a single thrust.Copy !req
53. Oh, wow. This never happened
to me before.Copy !req
54. I guess I must've been
under a lot of stress.Copy !req
55. Maybe some fresh air might help.Copy !req
56. Yes, the Ejector Bed.Copy !req
57. Your best friend
in a sticky situation.Copy !req
58. - Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
59. - It's my wife.
- Oh, no! Where will I hide?Copy !req
60. Don't get caught without one.Copy !req
61. The Ejector Bed from Rudeco.Copy !req
62. Ejector Desk and Ejector Chair
sold separately.Copy !req
63. Yes! All right, guys. Guys!Copy !req
64. Benny, now since it's
your last night of freedom...Copy !req
65. The guys thought you should have
your cake and eat it too.Copy !req
66. - What the...
- Surprise, Benny!Copy !req
67. Frenchie has "arrivayed"!Copy !req
68. Hey, and it's a good thing,
"mon soup de jours,"Copy !req
69. 'cause on the way in here, they
had this little skinny girl with
a half a pair of drawers on.Copy !req
70. I said, " Woman, don't you know this is
a bachelor party?" Sent her home, man.Copy !req
71. - What?
- You did what? Who is this guy?Copy !req
72. Allow me to introduce myself.Copy !req
73. The name is Leonard,
but all my friends call me "Frenchie."Copy !req
74. 'Cause I'm hip, I'm slick
and all the women love my eight tracks.Copy !req
75. - Gotcha!
- Man, how the hell
did you find me again.!Copy !req
76. Oh, well, it wasn't easy.
I had to follow every caterer in town.Copy !req
77. There's about 457 of'em.Copy !req
78. Finally, I tracked down the guy from
Samurai Sushi, followed him right over here.Copy !req
79. - Samurai Sushi?
- That's right.Copy !req
80. - So-So wait a minute. Where are they now?
- Well, "mon Frusen Gladje,"Copy !req
81. they was about to bring
y'all some raw fish.Copy !req
82. I said, " Hey, little Chinaman,
you better get your butt in the kitchen...Copy !req
83. "and put some cornmeal
on that and fry it up right.Copy !req
84. That's right,
and don't you forget the hot sauce."Copy !req
85. - Frenchie!
- Hey, hey, hey. Don't worry,
"mon Lean Cuisine."Copy !req
86. In the meantime, I got pork rinds
and pig feet for everybody.Copy !req
87. - Come on, man. Eat up, y'all.Copy !req
88. Man, come on.
Benny, just forget that clown.Copy !req
89. Now you got to think how beautiful
Karen is gonna look tomorrow.Copy !req
90. She'd better.
It cost me a fortune.Copy !req
91. - Her dress by Dior.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
92. Her diamond, Cartier.
And her hair, Sassoon.Copy !req
93. Hey, man. Well, if you're gonna look good,
you got to spend the money.Copy !req
94. My suit from Piggly Wiggly.
My shoes, they from Fayva...Copy !req
95. and my hair done
by World of Curls.Copy !req
96. Yeah, uh, look,
how about a movie, guys?Copy !req
97. Hey, say no more. Say no more.Copy !req
98. I got the tape right here, y'all.Copy !req
99. Now this here's a real man's film.
Go on, put it on.Copy !req
100. - Oh, here you go.
- ddCopy !req
101. Hey, Frenchie, she's not bad.Copy !req
102. The good stuff's on the way now.
Right there.Copy !req
103. What the hell is this?
Disco Godfather?Copy !req
104. - That's right. Rudy Ray Moore at his best.
- Rudy Ray Moore?Copy !req
105. He's the writer, director
and choreographer.Copy !req
106. Man, I'm telling you. Can't nobody
do the robot like Rudy Ray Moore, man.Copy !req
107. - Man, you're outta your mind.
- Uh, guys.Copy !req
108. Uh, I guess it's time for a toast.Copy !req
109. All right, guys.
Now, you guys all know...Copy !req
110. on our freshman year at Harvard...Copy !req
111. - Benny and I bought a bottle
of 1952 Dom Perignon.
- Whoo.!Copy !req
112. Now here's the deal. We swore not to open
this bottle until one of us got married.Copy !req
113. And you beat me. Congratulations.Copy !req
114. So here it is ma...
Hey, what happened to the champagne?Copy !req
115. Oh, the champ... Oh, man, I threw
that old stuff out, man.Copy !req
116. My friend Benny can't drink
nothing from 1950.Copy !req
117. That's the best... 1991 Cold Duck.Copy !req
118. - What? You poured it out?
- December.Copy !req
119. Hey, don't thank me.
It was my "pleaziray."Copy !req
120. 'Cause I'm hip, slick and all the women
love my typing skills.Copy !req
121. - Man. He's gonna get it.
- Aw, listen. Don't worry...
Benny, come on.Copy !req
122. Don't worry. At least
you still got your gift.Copy !req
123. Whoo! Now that was "tres Epilady."Copy !req
124. But I got you something that
you can really use. Check it out, Benny.Copy !req
125. - That's from me to you.
- Hey. Hey. A Mercedes emblem.Copy !req
126. This will go good with my car.Copy !req
127. Well, it is off your car.
I hit it on the way in.Copy !req
128. - But the chain is my idea.
- What!Copy !req
129. You curl king, get out of my house!
Get out of here!Copy !req
130. Oh, come on, Jacques Cousteau.
Don't be so Grey Poupon.Copy !req
131. Oh, come on! King Cobra,
you're out of here! Come on!Copy !req
132. - Get out of here! Get out of here!
- But, Benny.Copy !req
133. - Hi! Is Frenchie here?
- Come on in, "mon petit croutons."Copy !req
134. - Frenchie, who are these women?
- That's what I was trying to
explain to you, Benny.Copy !req
135. The little girl in
the half-pair of drawers...Copy !req
136. I told her one wasn't gonna be enough.Copy !req
137. I told her go home and get her friends.Copy !req
138. That's right. 'Cause I'm hip,
I'm slick and all the women love my...Copy !req
139. Y'all fill it in. Come on now!Copy !req
140. - Hit that box!
- ddCopy !req
141. Work it out.
ddCopy !req
142. - ddCopy !req
143. Have you recently
been injured? Were you fully
compensated for all damages?Copy !req
144. Chances are somebody
got away with murder.Copy !req
145. At the law offices of Lonnie Parker...Copy !req
146. they specialize in personal injury claims.Copy !req
147. - Hi. I'm Lonnie Parker.Copy !req
148. And it's my job to see
that you get what you deserve.Copy !req
149. Lonnie Parker got me
600,000 for my accident.Copy !req
150. Thanks, Lonnie.Copy !req
151. Lonnie Parker got
my husband one million dollars...Copy !req
152. - and I've never been happier.Copy !req
153. Thanks, Lonnie.Copy !req
154. Lonnie got me four million
for my accident. Thanks, Lonnie.Copy !req
155. Thank you. If you've been
in an accident...Copy !req
156. or are going to be in an accident,
please give me a call.Copy !req
157. I promise to get you
full value for your tragedy.Copy !req
158. Hablemos espanol.Copy !req
159. Call 555-L-O-N-Y.Copy !req
160. - Lonnie. That's me.Copy !req
161. - And I'll...
- See that you get
cash for your crash.Copy !req
162. Call now, 555-LONY
and get cash for your crash.Copy !req
163. ddCopy !req
164. ddCopy !req
165. Now back to
the comedy stylings of Les and Wes Rawls.Copy !req
166. Other kids were afraid of the dark...Copy !req
167. we were afraid of loud, ripping noises.Copy !req
168. Yeah. And we didn't drink milk,
we drank half-and-half.Copy !req
169. That's half-and-half
because we're twins. We're Siam...Copy !req
170. - Remember those fights in the car, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
171. Hey, Mom, Les's kidneys
are on my half.Copy !req
172. Our favorite show
is Twin Peaks.Copy !req
173. - I didn't even get it out. Twin Peaks.Copy !req
174. We're twins. Did I mention
we're Siamese...Copy !req
175. But the worse thing was when he had
his growth spurt first.Copy !req
176. I mean, my feet didn't touch the ground
for two years.Copy !req
177. Thank you and good night.
You've been beautiful.Copy !req
178. Mine did!Copy !req
179. We killed, man. We killed!
They loved us, man.Copy !req
180. No. I killed, you died. Look at you.Copy !req
181. You know, I'm getting tired
of carrying you.Copy !req
182. "Carrying you."
That's funny. That's a new joke.Copy !req
183. That's great. We can use that in the act.
We'll open with...Copy !req
184. - Les. Les. I mean it.
- What?Copy !req
185. I'm tired of your lame jokes.
I'm tired of these crummy clubs.Copy !req
186. I'm tired of you passing gas
and blaming me.Copy !req
187. I've got a nervous stomach. My half.Copy !req
188. - I don't wanna hear it. I'm tired
of these cleaning bills.
- What are you saying?Copy !req
189. I'm saying that I'm splitting up the act.Copy !req
190. Splitting up the act, man?
I don't understand. We're a team.Copy !req
191. Wes, you need me
like Abbott needs Costello, man.Copy !req
192. I need you like Michael needs Tito.Copy !req
193. He does. Who's gonna
watch the monkey?Copy !req
194. Forget it, Les. I made up my mind.Copy !req
195. - I'm goin' solo.
- Yeah? Well, let's see
how far you get without me.Copy !req
196. - Hi, everybody. I'm John Tesh.
- I'm Leeza Gibbons.Copy !req
197. Welcome back to Entertainment Tonight.Copy !req
198. Next up, comedian Wes Rawls,
who's joining us via satellite...Copy !req
199. from the set of his new movie
with director Steven Spielberg.Copy !req
200. - Thanks for joining us, Wes.
- Well, thanks for having me, Leeza and John.Copy !req
201. I just want to say working with Stevie
is really an experience.Copy !req
202. Now, Wes, in moment here,
we're gonna show our folks
at home a clip from your movie.Copy !req
203. But, first, I want to ask you about that
other guy that you used to work with.Copy !req
204. - Whatever happened to him?
- Well, that guy was actually my brother.Copy !req
205. - And, uh, we don't really
keep in touch anymore.Copy !req
206. But, I'm sure wherever he is,
his heart is with me.Copy !req
207. I know mine's with him.Copy !req
208. Where are we? Where are we?Copy !req
209. Wes, we seem to be getting
some static on the line here.Copy !req
210. It's really big of you
that you never held a grudge.Copy !req
211. - Was it a painful parting?
- Yeah.Copy !req
212. - I guess you could say it really tore me up.Copy !req
213. I'm supposed to be in bed.
The doctor said I should stay in bed.Copy !req
214. - What are we doing here?
- Well, you know, I'm sure
you could crack us up all night.Copy !req
215. - But why don't we take this time
to roll that clip from your new movie.Copy !req
216. He was just
one man against the world
of organized crime.Copy !req
217. Fortunately, Wes Rawls
prefers to fight alone.Copy !req
218. Oh, that hurt.Copy !req
219. And, fortunately, Wes Rawls
prefers to kill alone.Copy !req
220. Wes Rawls is Lone Wolf.Copy !req
221. - Wessie?
- Yes, pumpkin?Copy !req
222. Whatever happened
to your brother?Copy !req
223. I mean, you should really
try to talk to him.Copy !req
224. Yeah. Brothers really
shouldn't fight.Copy !req
225. Oh, I guess you guys are right.
I mean, it was kind of silly.Copy !req
226. I tell you what I'm gonna do.Copy !req
227. First thing in the morning,
I'll give him a call. Promise.Copy !req
228. But I tell you what.
For right now, let's get back to business.Copy !req
229. - Shall we?Copy !req
230. Yeah.Copy !req
231. Just let me correct this
for a second...Copy !req
232. Les, what are you doing? I thought
I told you to fill the french fry bin.Copy !req
233. - I was getting ready...
- Look at this. The coffee's cold.Copy !req
234. - You didn't even change the mop water.
- I would've...Copy !req
235. The whole dining area smells like
sour milk and pickle juice.Copy !req
236. - I got my shoes off.
- What are you operating on,
half a brain? Get it together.Copy !req
237. - I'm an idiot, sir. I'm stupid. I'm sorry.Copy !req
238. Burgers are Wild. This is Les speaking. How
may I help you? I'm wild to take your order.Copy !req
239. - Les.
- Yes?Copy !req
240. - Les, it's me.
- Wes, is that you?Copy !req
241. - Yeah, man.
- Why are you calling me?Copy !req
242. Well, I've been thinking.
You know, we shouldn't be fighting.Copy !req
243. I mean, we're brothers.
We should stick together, you know?Copy !req
244. - That's the way I feel, Wes.
- Hey.Copy !req
245. - Yeah?
- I think I even found a way
we can work together again.Copy !req
246. - Get the door.Copy !req
247. All right, all right.
Just calm down. Calm down.Copy !req
248. He'll sign everybody's autograph.
Just give him a chance.Copy !req
249. - Just be patient.Copy !req
250. I guess I can say I'm your right-hand man
on the left side, huh, Wes?Copy !req
251. Yeah, kid. But, look, uh,
in public, it's Mr. Rawls, okay?Copy !req
252. Yes, sir, Mr. Rawls.
Don't touch him.Copy !req
253. - Get the bags, will ya? Get the luggage.Copy !req
254. - I'm sorry.
- I should've left you
flipping burgers. Come on!Copy !req
255. - I'm sorry, sir.
- I go in first, not the bags.Copy !req
256. - Come on.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
257. Don't you just love
our new house, honey?Copy !req
258. Oh, it's so much bigger than
that cramped apartment in the city.Copy !req
259. Come on, son.
Let's get this last box.Copy !req
260. What the heck is in this thing?Copy !req
261. Hey! What the hell's going on?Copy !req
262. - Son, come here.Copy !req
263. What the hell is going on here?Copy !req
264. I've been kidnapped by the Brady Bunch.Copy !req
265. - Uh, who are you?
- He's a bum.Copy !req
266. I ain't no bum.
I'm an independent contractor...Copy !req
267. who solicits donations and investments
in a fresh air environment.Copy !req
268. That's what I said. He's a bum.Copy !req
269. The movers must've
picked up his box by mistake.Copy !req
270. Hey, mister, this ain't no box.Copy !req
271. This is my house, and I live here.Copy !req
272. You have transported it
against its will.Copy !req
273. You'll be hearing from my legal firm of
Ernest and Julio Gallo.Copy !req
274. I smell a lawsuit.Copy !req
275. I smell something worse than that.Copy !req
276. Oh, that's my new line of toilet water.Copy !req
277. You know, like Cher has "Uninhibited"?Copy !req
278. Well, mine is called "Unflushed."Copy !req
279. Well, whatever it is,
you're gonna have to leave.Copy !req
280. - Honey, it is our fault
that he's here, after all.
- That's right.Copy !req
281. - He is a human being.
- That's right.Copy !req
282. - So?
- True.Copy !req
283. So let's show him a little charity, huh?Copy !req
284. Yeah, show a little charity.Copy !req
285. Okay. He can stay tonight, but he goes
back to the city in the morning.Copy !req
286. Good man. Good man.
Hey. I think your wife got a crush on me.Copy !req
287. Y'all just go ahead and do what y'all
normally do. Pretend I'm not even here.Copy !req
288. Just go on and do what
you would normally do.Copy !req
289. Actually, we were about to have dinner.
Would you like to break bread with us?Copy !req
290. I don't mind if I do. I just broke wind.Copy !req
291. Oh, y'all sit down and eat, huh?
Is that the thing?Copy !req
292. Oh, this is some new stuff here. Look,
I want y'all to know I ain't no freeloader.Copy !req
293. I ain't just gonna eat up your food.
I wanna contribute something to this meal.Copy !req
294. Now, I've been using
this piece of bologna...Copy !req
295. to plug up
the hole in my shoe.Copy !req
296. But since this is
a special occasion,
you go ahead and fry that up.Copy !req
297. How thoughtful.Copy !req
298. Oh, I got some doughnuts too.Copy !req
299. Uh, we're not hungry.Copy !req
300. Let's unpack some more.Copy !req
301. I've got some homework.
Dad, can you help me with my math?Copy !req
302. I'm very busy, son.
Maybe a little later, okay?Copy !req
303. Hey, let me handle that.Copy !req
304. I did all right in the math class.Copy !req
305. Hey, look here, junior.
Say you got three boogers over here.Copy !req
306. And you got... four and a half boogers
over here.Copy !req
307. Now, I wipe three
of'em off on this plate.Copy !req
308. - What do you got?
- Five?Copy !req
309. No. A bad cold.Copy !req
310. - A bad cold.
- What do you know? It's time to go to bed.Copy !req
311. - Here we go, Billy. Good night.
- 'Night, Billy.Copy !req
312. Don't let the boogeyman get you.Copy !req
313. If you need anything,
the bathroom is right down the hall.Copy !req
314. Oh, no. That's okay.
I'm using my own facilities.Copy !req
315. Oh, that's it.
He's going back to the city!Copy !req
316. - You just fit it in like that.
- That's it. You're going back.Copy !req
317. How am I gonna get back to the city?
Hold that for me.Copy !req
318. No. Just take $20.
Take a cab or something.Copy !req
319. Twenty dollars? What about my house?
You destroyed my property.Copy !req
320. Here's another 20. Buy a new house.Copy !req
321. What about my emotional distress
and loss of income?Copy !req
322. That's a hundred dollars.
Would you please just leave?Copy !req
323. Hey, listen. Do me a favor.Copy !req
324. Give that to the kid for me.Copy !req
325. - I'll leave it right there.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
326. ddCopy !req
327. Yo. Keenan's been dissed and dismissed.Copy !req
328. I'm running things now.Copy !req
329. It's my pleasure to introduce
from Strong Island, uh...Copy !req
330. off the Elektra Records, these are
the Leaders of the New School.Copy !req
331. Give it up.Copy !req
332. ddCopy !req
333. ddCopy !req
334. ddCopy !req
335. ddCopy !req
336. ddCopy !req