1. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
2. d In living colordCopy !req
3. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
4. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
5. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
6. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
7. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
8. - d Take it from me, it's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
9. d And how would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete dCopy !req
10. d And all mankind danced
to the exact beat dCopy !req
11. - d And at night it was safe
to walk down the street d
- d In living colordCopy !req
12. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
13. d In living color dCopy !req
14. d In living colordCopy !req
15. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
16. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
17. d Everybody here is equally kind dCopy !req
18. d Everybody here is equally kind dCopy !req
19. d Everybody, everybody
everybody, everybody dCopy !req
20. - d Everybody here is equally kind d
- d In living colordCopy !req
21. d What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine dCopy !req
22. d In living c-c-c-olordCopy !req
23. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
24. d In living colordCopy !req
25. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
26. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
27. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
28. - d Take it from me, it's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
29. d You can do what you wanna do
in living colorddCopy !req
30. Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenen Ivory Wayans.Copy !req
31. Thank you.Copy !req
32. Thank you very much.
Welcome to the show.Copy !req
33. We got a great...Copy !req
34. We got, uh...
We got a great show tonight.Copy !req
35. Some great comedy,
some music. Um...Copy !req
36. And as always, we got...
the Fly Girls. Uh...Copy !req
37. You know, I'm a guy who really
believes in hiring his family.Copy !req
38. You know I have my brothers
and sisters on this show.Copy !req
39. But, um, no matter how much
you love your grandparents...Copy !req
40. never hire 'em as a boom operator.Copy !req
41. - Are you okay, Keenen?
- I'm just fine, Grandma.Copy !req
42. Just fine. We'll just let this be
the last week, okay?Copy !req
43. Up yours. I'm in the union now.Copy !req
44. SW1, kick it!Copy !req
45. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
46. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
47. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
48. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
49. - d Take it from me, it's a'ight to be d
- d In living colorddCopy !req
50. Oh, girl, you almost
gave me a heart attack...Copy !req
51. sneaking up on me like that.Copy !req
52. I ain't never seen you here before.Copy !req
53. Oh, hi, girl.
My name is Benita Butrell, mm-hmm.Copy !req
54. Been here in these
Hopkins projects over 18 years.Copy !req
55. You know, we've been having
a rash of robberies going on around here...Copy !req
56. so us concerned tenants decided
to organize this here tenant patrol.Copy !req
57. Oh, look!
There goes Easterly.Copy !req
58. She the one that suggested
I be the block captain.Copy !req
59. She like a sister to me.Copy !req
60. Easterly! Hey, Easterly!Copy !req
61. It's me... Beebee!Copy !req
62. Girl, I see why your mama
call you Easterly.Copy !req
63. With that perfume you're wearing,
smell like a basket of fresh Easter flowers.Copy !req
64. A basket of rotten Easter eggs
is more like it, mm-hmm.Copy !req
65. Girl think all she got to do is throw some
perfume on top of stank and everything's okay.Copy !req
66. Smells so funky,
you can smell her over the telephone.Copy !req
67. But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard it from me.Copy !req
68. No, you haven't. Mm-mm.Copy !req
69. No, you haven't.Copy !req
70. Oh, lookee there!
There go little Russell Thomas.Copy !req
71. I used to babysit him when he was
just a little, itty-bitty baby.Copy !req
72. Russell! Russell!Copy !req
73. Boy, your mama must be so proud of you.Copy !req
74. Give her my love. Hmm!Copy !req
75. If Miss Benita was just 15 years younger
and had all my strength...Copy !req
76. Lord knows what I'd do.Copy !req
77. I'd beat the crap out of that little hustler.
That's what I'd do.Copy !req
78. I notice you shook his hand.
You better count your fingers
and make sure they still there.Copy !req
79. That little addict's
so desperate for a fix...Copy !req
80. he'd steal the crack from your behind.Copy !req
81. But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.Copy !req
82. No, you haven't, mm-mm.Copy !req
83. Yeah, honey, the whole
neighborhood running scared.Copy !req
84. Woman over in Building 27
had a gold watch stolen last week.Copy !req
85. That's why you got to wear
your valuables on you, girl.Copy !req
86. You see this here?Copy !req
87. That's a real diamond there.Copy !req
88. Yeah, you know I got royalty in my blood.Copy !req
89. This diamond was passed down
from generation to generation.Copy !req
90. Used to be the size
of an ice cube, mm-hmm.Copy !req
91. Friends would call me Zsa Zsa Butrell.Copy !req
92. Then one day I was
heating up some neck bones...Copy !req
93. my diamond caught on fire,
and this was all I could save.Copy !req
94. But that's all right, honey,
'cause unlike these other project bunnies...Copy !req
95. I'm gonna have me something.Copy !req
96. That's right, 'cause I'm enrolled in
the Parker School of Rodent Extermination...Copy !req
97. and the Helicopter Pilots Academy.Copy !req
98. So Miss Benita's gonna have.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
99. Oh, lookee there.
There go Peabody Scott.Copy !req
100. Yeah, Peabody Scott
from Building 92.Copy !req
101. See he got the whole brood
with him tonight.Copy !req
102. Peabody! P-P-Peabody!Copy !req
103. Boy, somebody ought to give you
the Father of the Year Award.Copy !req
104. Mm-hmm. We need more men
like you in these projects.Copy !req
105. Always got them kids out with you.Copy !req
106. That little one over there
got your personality.Copy !req
107. His personality and
the maintenance man's eyes.Copy !req
108. Damn fool.
Ain't one of them kids his.Copy !req
109. That last one came out looking
so much like the mailman...Copy !req
110. people were sticking
letters in his diapers.Copy !req
111. But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.Copy !req
112. No, you haven't.
So who are you here to see?Copy !req
113. Mrs. Jenkins? Oh, Lord!Copy !req
114. How come you didn't tell me
you were here to see Mrs. Jenkins?Copy !req
115. She like a mother to me.Copy !req
116. I love me some Mrs. Jenkins, honey.Copy !req
117. Don't nobody better say nothing bad
about Mrs. Jenkins...Copy !req
118. 'cause that's when Benita lose it.Copy !req
119. That's when Benita goes off.Copy !req
120. That's a fine woman.
Fine woman.Copy !req
121. Mm-hmm.
Just don't let her take her wig off.Copy !req
122. Head so bald, you can see her thoughts.Copy !req
123. But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me!Copy !req
124. - No, you haven't.Copy !req
125. Miss Benita, Miss Benita.
Excuse me.Copy !req
126. Miss Benita,
cops are all outside your building.Copy !req
127. Someone broke in your apartment.Copy !req
128. I knew that old beady-eyed
Russell Thomas was up to no good!Copy !req
129. Girl, I gots to go.
The china the queen gave me is in there.Copy !req
130. Ooh, let me get my chair.Copy !req
131. - All right, people!
- ddCopy !req
132. All right, people, freeze!Copy !req
133. Everybody, listen up!
Al Macafee's on the scene.Copy !req
134. Now, that means no fondling,
holding, hugging, caressing...Copy !req
135. cuddling, embracing,
dancing too close.Copy !req
136. We're gonna have a clean prom
this year, people.Copy !req
137. Consider yourselves warned.
Carry on.Copy !req
138. - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Ruthy.
- Hi, Al.Copy !req
139. Ruthy, I think it's time you heard
Mr. Macafee's speech on love.Copy !req
140. If you were food,
you'd be my muffin...Copy !req
141. and if you were a turkey,
I'd give you my stuffin'.Copy !req
142. You're making me queasy, Al.Copy !req
143. - Here you go, Ruth.
- Oh, hey, baby.Copy !req
144. Excuse me, son. I don't know
what home room you're in...Copy !req
145. but I'm sure you know the rules
about fraternizing with the teachers.Copy !req
146. Al, I'd like for you to meet
my fiance, John Tyler.Copy !req
147. - Heard a lot about you, Al.
- Fiance?Copy !req
148. Ruthy, you're makin'
the biggest mistake of your life!Copy !req
149. Give me your love, honey!Copy !req
150. - Al!
- Hey, that'll be enough, pal.Copy !req
151. All right, you little stud, come on!Copy !req
152. Shoot your best shot, mister!
Five years of tae kwon do, baby! Come on!Copy !req
153. - Let's get out of here.Copy !req
154. Yeah, you can run,
but you can't hide, you little runt!Copy !req
155. Hey, hey, hey!
What the Sam Hill's goin' on here?Copy !req
156. - I'm getting a glass of punch.
- Yeah, right, right, right.Copy !req
157. Let me tell you something.
I think it's time you heard
Mr. Macafee's speech on booze.Copy !req
158. Don't spike the punch bowl
'cause it makes you punchy!Copy !req
159. - Let me go!
- Back talk, huh, little missy?Copy !req
160. - All right, you're out of here!
- But it's my prom.Copy !req
161. Yeah, tell it to an A.A. Meeting,
you little lush! Get out!Copy !req
162. Boy, that's good punch.Copy !req
163. What are you looking at?Copy !req
164. Hey, hey, hey! Hardison?
Where's the fire, son?Copy !req
165. Mr. Macafee,
I got a stain on my father's tux.Copy !req
166. And quite a nice little outfit it is, my boy.Copy !req
167. It's my father's tux,
and his father wore it to his prom too.Copy !req
168. It's very expensive.
If anything happened to it,
I'd be in so much trouble!Copy !req
169. Well, just cool your jets, little mister.Copy !req
170. - Looks like you just got a little thread loose.
- There's nothing on it...Copy !req
171. - Mr. Macafee, what have you done?
- You just broke the dress code!Copy !req
172. - Get out of here! Take it to the parking lot!
- That's not fair!Copy !req
173. Life's not fair. Go ahead.Copy !req
174. Hey, Macafee.
You're looking pretty sharp there, big guy.Copy !req
175. - Thanks a lot, bucko.
- Hey, Ma-ca-fee!Copy !req
176. - It's Macafee, son.
- You are doin' a good job.Copy !req
177. Hey, gimme some skin.
Take a hike.Copy !req
178. No gang signals on the dance floor.
Go ahead, get out of here.Copy !req
179. All right, all right.
The show's over. Come on.Copy !req
180. Somebody do something!
Marcy's choking!Copy !req
181. - I know the Heimlich maneuver!
- Hey, hey, hey.!Copy !req
182. - All right, break it up, you two!Copy !req
183. Come on, come on,
let her go, let her go!Copy !req
184. You know, I think it's time you two heard
Macafee's speech on teenage sex.Copy !req
185. You two, you're only 16.
You're both still young'uns.Copy !req
186. Way too soon to start your tonguin'.Copy !req
187. - But she can't breathe!
- Just let her rest a little bit.Copy !req
188. Ah, that's it, honey. That's it.
Just take a little rest.Copy !req
189. Once those loins cool down,
you'll be all right.Copy !req
190. Hey, Mr. Macafee,
somebody's smoking in the bathroom!Copy !req
191. Out of my way,
the Mac-man's coming.Copy !req
192. All right, boys, come on.
What's going on in here?Copy !req
193. - Hey.
- Okay, everybody! The coast is clear!Copy !req
194. Let's party!Copy !req
195. Before we vote on
your request for parole...Copy !req
196. we do have some questions.Copy !req
197. Do you think you'll be able to
adjust to life on the outside?Copy !req
198. Allow me to "proctologize" myself.Copy !req
199. "Suppositorily" speaking...Copy !req
200. my incarceration has forced,
you understand...Copy !req
201. the ventilation of,
shall I say, my derriere...Copy !req
202. and upon my discharge,
I will evacuate...Copy !req
203. Excuse me. "Ejacutate"...Copy !req
204. my mind to the prophylactic
of the bowels of society.Copy !req
205. But how would you
support yourself, Mr. Bates...Copy !req
206. considering that
your reading comprehension...Copy !req
207. has gone down every year
since you've been in prison?Copy !req
208. A very "vaginative" proposition, my man.Copy !req
209. That is to say, prostitution...Copy !req
210. pertaining to the Kotex,
you understand, of the argument.Copy !req
211. I myself have "enemapatized"
my "illiquidation,"Copy !req
212. therefore, ergo, i.e.,
that is the instigation...Copy !req
213. which is excessive cleavage,
shall we say.Copy !req
214. So let me "clarifly" or...Copy !req
215. excuse me..."clitify."Copy !req
216. In other words, I'd probably teach.Copy !req
217. All right, if there are no further questions,
let us put this to a vote.Copy !req
218. All those in favor of parole, vote aye.Copy !req
219. Aye.Copy !req
220. All those opposed, vote nay.Copy !req
221. Nay!Copy !req
222. I'm sorry, Mr. Bates.Copy !req
223. Is there anything further
you'd like to say?Copy !req
224. Let me be venereal...Copy !req
225. in my requisition for
this body of congregation...Copy !req
226. see, for the personal
gratification of my urethra.Copy !req
227. As the Greek philosopher,
uh, Massengill once dictated...Copy !req
228. "Lickus my probiscis!"Copy !req
229. "Undouche" me!Copy !req
230. I can find my own damnation
in tardy completion.Copy !req
231. ddCopy !req
232. Just like the films
Cry Freedom and A World Apart...Copy !req
233. this is a story about the anguish
and upheaval ofblack South Africa.Copy !req
234. I can remember it
as if it happened yesterday...Copy !req
235. the day they bulldozed down
my maidservant's shack...Copy !req
236. destroyed all ofher property...Copy !req
237. and separated her from her children.Copy !req
238. And all of this on a night that I had
planned a formal dinner for 30.Copy !req
239. Oh, how I cried.Copy !req
240. How many girls would I have to interview
before I'd find anotherJacinta?Copy !req
241. And as they took Jacinta away
kicking and struggling...Copy !req
242. I felt as if the police were pulling me away
kicking and struggling.Copy !req
243. - I haven't done anything.
- I had to do something.Copy !req
244. So I cried, and I took a picture
for my little scrapbook of anguish.Copy !req
245. Wait! Wait!Copy !req
246. After the police had gone...Copy !req
247. I noticed that they had trampled
over a bed of geraniums...Copy !req
248. that I had been pruning
since I was a child.Copy !req
249. I looked down at those flowers...Copy !req
250. and I saw the pain
ofblack South Africa...Copy !req
251. in all of those broken stems
and wounded petals.Copy !req
252. I wept... until I realized
they were perennials...Copy !req
253. and would be back again
next summer.Copy !req
254. Yes, with Jacinta gone,
life just wasn't the same in Johannesburg.Copy !req
255. Oh, did I mention that I wept?Copy !req
256. And as the condition of my house
so deteriorated withoutJacinta...Copy !req
257. I began to understand
what it must be like...Copy !req
258. to live in a black South African
relocation camp.Copy !req
259. Next, as I attempted
to polish my own silver...Copy !req
260. my arms began to ache,
and I could feel what it must be like...Copy !req
261. to toil long, arduous hours...Copy !req
262. in the white South African
diamond mines.Copy !req
263. It was at this point that I decided
thatJacinta simply had to be liberated...Copy !req
264. before my entire household
rotted from within...Copy !req
265. the same way minority rule
was rotting my continent.Copy !req
266. No one could stop me now.Copy !req
267. I would write a letter
to President de Klerk.Copy !req
268. So I wrote and I cried.Copy !req
269. And I cried and I wrote.Copy !req
270. And I wrote and I cried.Copy !req
271. Who knows?
One day I may even mail it.Copy !req
272. My Dark Conscience.Copy !req
273. A true story about the pain
of watching somebody else suffer...Copy !req
274. and wanting to do something about it...Copy !req
275. but not really wanting to get involved...Copy !req
276. and then feeling
a little guilty about it, sort of.Copy !req
277. My Dark Conscience.Copy !req
278. A film that could well be
coming to a theater near you.Copy !req
279. Three famous boxers
for Fruit O' The Loom boxers.Copy !req
280. Hi, Bob.Copy !req
281. Hey, what are you guys doing
in my underwear drawer?Copy !req
282. Who are you guys?Copy !req
283. We're the Fruit O' The Loom boxers,
and we're ecstatic to be here. I'm Mike.Copy !req
284. I'm Sugar Ray.Copy !req
285. And my name is, uh...Copy !req
286. Concentrate.Copy !req
287. No, no, it's shorter than that.Copy !req
288. Ali! My name is Ali!Copy !req
289. I'm an apple because
I was so polished in the ring.Copy !req
290. And I'm a banana because
I was good to a ripe old age.Copy !req
291. Why are you a bunch of grapes?Copy !req
292. Because some bitch
stomped all over me.Copy !req
293. What's so good about
Fruit O' The Loom boxer shorts?Copy !req
294. For one thing, they're made
of double-stitched cotton.Copy !req
295. That way you never have to worry
about bobbing and weaving.Copy !req
296. - Bobbing and weaving?Copy !req
297. Cut it out, Ali.
Stop being ludicrous.Copy !req
298. You're gonna make me forget my lines.Copy !req
299. What are these boxers made of?Copy !req
300. Well, these are
the new Don King brand.Copy !req
301. They're 10 percent cotton,
90 percent commission.Copy !req
302. And they come in several sizes:Copy !req
303. Middleweight, heavyweight,
super heavyweight...Copy !req
304. and George Foreman.Copy !req
305. This is the latest thing:
Disposable shorts.Copy !req
306. We like to call this
our Buster Douglas line.Copy !req
307. They're good only once,
but if you wear them again...Copy !req
308. they fall down after 10 seconds.Copy !req
309. Okay. I'll try these boxer shorts.Copy !req
310. Bye, Bob!Copy !req
311. Hey, guys...Copy !req
312. will the ladies like me better
in my Fruit O' The Loom?Copy !req
313. The ladies will think
you're sweet as sugar.Copy !req
314. The girls will think you're
the greatest of all times.Copy !req
315. Oh, sure,
they'll love you, Bob.Copy !req
316. They'll love you till you
get a ring on their finger.Copy !req
317. And then, then...Copy !req
318. Then they'll bring their mothers around
and try to take all your money from you.Copy !req
319. And they get madjust because you throw
a few chairs and break some dishes.Copy !req
320. Hey, wait a minute!
I'm not finished, Bob!Copy !req
321. Then they'll divorce you, and then
you'll have the worst fight of your life.Copy !req
322. You know, I won that fight.
I hit him with an uppercut...Copy !req
323. Fruit O' The Loom boxers.Copy !req
324. Get some today
and stop being ludicrous.Copy !req
325. All right. Thank you
for hanging out with us.Copy !req
326. - Tell 'em what to do, man.
- See you next week!Copy !req
327. See you next week.Copy !req
328. d You can do what you wanna do ddCopy !req