1. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
2. d In living colordCopy !req
3. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
4. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
5. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
6. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
7. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
8. - d Take it from me It's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
9. d And how would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete dCopy !req
10. d And all mankind danced
to the exact beat dCopy !req
11. - d And at night it was safe
to walk down the street d
- d In living colordCopy !req
12. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
13. d In living colordCopy !req
14. d In living colordCopy !req
15. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
16. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
17. d Everybody here is equally kind dCopy !req
18. d Everybody here is equally kind dCopy !req
19. d Everybody, everybody
everybody, everybody dCopy !req
20. - d Everybody here is equally kind d
- d In living colordCopy !req
21. d What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine dCopy !req
22. d In living c-c-c-olordCopy !req
23. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
24. d In living colordCopy !req
25. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
26. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
27. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
28. - d Take it from me It's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
29. d You can do what you wanna do
in living colorddCopy !req
30. Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenen Ivory Wayans.Copy !req
31. Thank you.Copy !req
32. Thank you.
Welcome to the show.Copy !req
33. I came out here tonight because...Copy !req
34. I know you're sitting
and you're watching at home...Copy !req
35. and somebody introduced me
and you were goin', "Who is that?"Copy !req
36. So I'm going to introduce...
First I'll reintroduce you...Copy !req
37. to all the other Fly Girls,
if you don't know 'em by now...Copy !req
38. and then I'll introduce you
to our newest Fly Girl.Copy !req
39. - Starting here with Deidre, Cari, Michelle.Copy !req
40. This is our newest Fly Girl,
Carla Garrido.Copy !req
41. That's Carrie Ann and Lisa.Copy !req
42. And of course you gotta
say hello to the one and only...Copy !req
43. - SW1.Copy !req
44. Sit tight. We'll be right back.
Lots of fun. Guaranteed.Copy !req
45. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
46. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
47. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
48. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon ddCopy !req
49. Bob, you think you could try to
clean the windshield? It's filthy.Copy !req
50. - Oh, heck!Copy !req
51. I just cleaned
these wipers last week.Copy !req
52. There's got to be a better way
to clean a windshield.Copy !req
53. What was that?Copy !req
54. How y'all doin'?
Havin' a nice day?Copy !req
55. Yes, forget about lousy wiper blades.Copy !req
56. In fact, forget about
windshield wipers entirely.Copy !req
57. Introducing Mr. Squeegee.Copy !req
58. Your windshield will sparkle
forjust pennies a day.Copy !req
59. He sticks to your car like glue, even under
the most extreme driving conditions.Copy !req
60. And he's guaranteed
not to shake loose.Copy !req
61. Look here, man. I'm just trying
to make an honest dollar.Copy !req
62. Help a brother out, homey.
Help me get something to eat, man.Copy !req
63. - How about you, Miss Lady?Copy !req
64. All right. Have a nice day.Copy !req
65. Wipers never work
when you need them.Copy !req
66. Mr. Squeegee works
whether you need him or not.Copy !req
67. Not only are we
cleaning our windows...Copy !req
68. But we feel really good about it too.Copy !req
69. Hey, look here, man,
let me get a "sammich," man.Copy !req
70. Gentlemen, we are
the only studio in town...Copy !req
71. without a single black filmmaker.Copy !req
72. This is a a key market
that we simply have to tap...Copy !req
73. so today I have lined up meetings...Copy !req
74. with some of the hottest young
black filmmakers in Hollywood.Copy !req
75. This must be the place!Copy !req
76. Now, wake up the dotted line
'cause the Funkateers are here to sign.Copy !req
77. On the good foot, you know?Copy !req
78. Gentlemen, you're early.Copy !req
79. And you look sweet enough
to eat, honey.Copy !req
80. Oh, I get a cavity
just lookin' at you, sweet thing!Copy !req
81. Look here, home skillet,
save some for dessert, ya know?Copy !req
82. - Now, you must be...
- Funky Finger Producciones.Copy !req
83. - I'm Clavell.
- I'm sorry. I don't see your name here.Copy !req
84. - And I'm Howard Tibbs III.
- Let me give you one of my business cards.Copy !req
85. You know, I'm fresh out. Howard?Copy !req
86. Bam!Copy !req
87. All right, the number's here,
but you're gonna have to read real quick...Copy !req
88. 'cause it's growing back fast.Copy !req
89. - I'm gettin' ready to buy
one of them blow out kits.
- Basketball Afro for days!Copy !req
90. Well, it is certainly a pleasure
to meet you both.Copy !req
91. Let me start by introducing you to our
vice president of publicity, Lee Dagget.Copy !req
92. - Say what?
- Bam! You're just the man I wanted to see.Copy !req
93. - You all right, homeboy?
- All right.Copy !req
94. - Look here.
- Don't push him out the car.Copy !req
95. Interesting title.
Oh Knats.Copy !req
96. No, no, no. You got that backwards.
Let me see this here.Copy !req
97. That's Stank Ho.Copy !req
98. See, it's a love story.Copy !req
99. It picks up where
Pretty Woman left off...Copy !req
100. only this time, she does all her
shopping at Fatburger, ya know?Copy !req
101. Did I mention I had
a doctor's appointment?Copy !req
102. Block 'em at the door, homey!Copy !req
103. Gentlemen, it has just been
a real pleasure meeting you.Copy !req
104. We ain't done yet, big legs!Copy !req
105. You know, it's a two-picture deal.Copy !req
106. Howard, show 'em the trailer.Copy !req
107. I really don't think
we have time for this.Copy !req
108. Whoo!Copy !req
109. Bam!Copy !req
110. Now, you see, this is
a little ditty we like to call...Copy !req
111. Dirty Dancing With Wolves.Copy !req
112. Ain't no function at this junction.Copy !req
113. - I had the time of my life.
- I'm just kiddin', y'all.Copy !req
114. But I never met this wolf before.Copy !req
115. - Let's take it downtown, home skillet.
- Break it down.Copy !req
116. Look here, homey,
I hate to interrupt this thing...Copy !req
117. but the costume got to be
back in just about 15.Copy !req
118. - And the bus...
- And here comes my bus.Copy !req
119. - There go the bus.
- You got change for a dollar?Copy !req
120. I got it. Leroy,
bring my camera by later, could you?Copy !req
121. Now how does that grab you,
matzo grip?Copy !req
122. - Ahh!
- Well, you know, I think
I've seen just about enough.Copy !req
123. Your 12:00 is here, Lisa.Copy !req
124. Do you two know you left
your sandwich cart outside?Copy !req
125. Well, ain't that
a chocolate chip cookie?Copy !req
126. You know, I knew we forgot something!Copy !req
127. Hey, look, y'all! Who's hungry?Copy !req
128. - Please show these gentlemen out.
- Did I mention we also produced...Copy !req
129. My Afro's Too High
to Box with God?Copy !req
130. Right, and
Teenage Mutant Negro Turtles.Copy !req
131. Say, say, say, brother!Copy !req
132. - Isn't that Wes Unseld?
- Love your work, man!Copy !req
133. Carla, the coast is clear.Copy !req
134. Can I borrow, uh, you know,
a feminine product?Copy !req
135. - Oh, you mean a tampon?
- Shh. Yes. Hurry.Copy !req
136. Thanks.Copy !req
137. That time of the month, huh, Joyce?Copy !req
138. That's not cleavage. It's swelling.Copy !req
139. Suffering from P.M.S., Joyce?Copy !req
140. See? I told you she looked bloated.Copy !req
141. Can't seem to disguise the fact
that it's your time of the month?Copy !req
142. Well, now Femco brings you
Fashion Tampons.Copy !req
143. Stylish, comfortable and fun.Copy !req
144. They come in assorted colors
and go with any outfit.Copy !req
145. Ooh, Joyce,
I love those earrings!Copy !req
146. Thanks, Carla.
Actually, they're tampons...Copy !req
147. conveniently packaged
in boxes of 12, 24 and 186.Copy !req
148. And they're super absorbent.Copy !req
149. Something you just can't find
in other fashion wear.Copy !req
150. Fashion Tampons. Well, honey, I'm just
gonna go on down and get me some.Copy !req
151. Gee, Joyce, you look great today.Copy !req
152. I like a woman who can accessorize.
Really turns me on.Copy !req
153. Nice dress, Joyce.Copy !req
154. This old rag?Copy !req
155. Fashion Tampons. Because at that time
of the month, you want to look good.Copy !req
156. And there's also
Fashion Maxi and Mini Pads...Copy !req
157. for the woman on the go.Copy !req
158. Fashion Tampons from Femco.Copy !req
159. ddCopy !req
160. Fighting broke out overnight
between rival factions...Copy !req
161. Honey, how's that roast
coming along?Copy !req
162. It's almost ready, dear.Copy !req
163. - Gee, Dad, that sounds close.Copy !req
164. - Dad, it stopped right in front of the house!
- What's going on?Copy !req
165. All right, everybody,
let's all just calm down.Copy !req
166. - I'll take care of this.Copy !req
167. Nice to meet ya, folks.
Fire Marshal Bill here.Copy !req
168. - Won't you come in?
- Don't mind if I do.Copy !req
169. - Wow! A real fireman!
- That's right, princess.Copy !req
170. Say, you sure have
a beautiful family here.Copy !req
171. Why, thank you, Fire Marshal Bill.
How can we help you?Copy !req
172. Well, it's National Fire Safety Week.Copy !req
173. I've been going door to door
lookin' for fire hazards.Copy !req
174. Mind if I give your place
a little inspection?Copy !req
175. It's free.Copy !req
176. Please do.Copy !req
177. Son, does your father
always smoke a pipe?Copy !req
178. Yes, sir.Copy !req
179. Pipes, cigarettes...
number one cause of domestic fires.Copy !req
180. - Let me show you something.
- Certainly.Copy !req
181. Now, say one night you're
driftin' off to sleep on the couch...Copy !req
182. and the pipe falls
out of your hand like that.Copy !req
183. Now you start dreaming
that you're havin' a little barbecue...Copy !req
184. you pull out a can of lighter fluid...Copy !req
185. Boom! You're off to the races.Copy !req
186. - Fire!
- What, that?Copy !req
187. Hey, Fire Marshal Bill,
your finger's on fire!Copy !req
188. That's nothin'. I've caught fire so many times,
I can't even feel it anymore.Copy !req
189. The trick is not to panic.Copy !req
190. Fire... is... your friend.Copy !req
191. Uh-oh! Look what I found.Copy !req
192. Down at the station,
we like to call this an octopus.Copy !req
193. Let me show you something.Copy !req
194. Pull these out, it becomes
an exposed electrical outlet.Copy !req
195. Let's just say it's after dinner.
You've got a fork in your hand.Copy !req
196. Somebody says, "Hey, a gaggle of geese!"
Where? Where?Copy !req
197. Fire Marshal Bill, are you okay?Copy !req
198. Are you jokin'?
I've been hit by lightning 19 times.Copy !req
199. That's horrible!Copy !req
200. Not really. I'm startin' to enjoy it.Copy !req
201. Okay, everybody...Copy !req
202. out to the kitchen!Copy !req
203. Now your kitchen area is
an all too common locale...Copy !req
204. for fires.Copy !req
205. First time I spontaneously combusted
was in a kitchen not unlike this one.Copy !req
206. It was one of those hot nights.Copy !req
207. I opened the fridge, and boom!
Went up like a powder keg!Copy !req
208. Good thing I knew how to drop and roll.Copy !req
209. - Your hand's on fire!
- So it is.Copy !req
210. That's a sure sign that your gas flow
hasn't been calibrated properly.Copy !req
211. - Ahh! Now...Copy !req
212. Say you got yourself a bit of a virus.Copy !req
213. You're lookin' for a box of tissues...Copy !req
214. but it's not there and it's too late.Copy !req
215. Next thing you know, your gas light
goes out on your new gas range.Copy !req
216. Suddenly, your house is hit by a giant
meteor storm that's totally unexpected.Copy !req
217. One of those hot little babies comes
right through the kitchen window...Copy !req
218. you just happen to be holding a match.Copy !req
219. - Hey!
- You're not gonna light that, are you?Copy !req
220. Don't worry, folks.
I'm a fire marshal.Copy !req
221. - It's all gone, Mommy.Copy !req
222. It'll be okay, sweetheart.Copy !req
223. Everything we had was in there.Copy !req
224. Come on, folks. Let's move along.
You'll be all right.Copy !req
225. They just keep building 'em higher,
don't they?Copy !req
226. Hey! Neighbor!Copy !req
227. Is that a wood shingle roof
you got there?Copy !req
228. Let me show you somethin'!Copy !req
229. ddCopy !req
230. ddCopy !req
231. ddCopy !req
232. ddCopy !req
233. Company, halt!Copy !req
234. Okay, Woodpeckers, here we are.Copy !req
235. At ease.Copy !req
236. Welcome, all. Welcome to Home E. Cheese,
where a kid can be a kid...Copy !req
237. unless he get on my damn nerves.Copy !req
238. Have a seat, little childrens.Copy !req
239. - Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
240. That's, uh...Copy !req
241. "Woodpecker," Mr. Cheese.Copy !req
242. That's, uh, "Clown,"
Mr. Peckerwood.Copy !req
243. Do you mind if I, uh...Copy !req
244. if I use a check for this?Copy !req
245. - Oh, you want to pay me with a check, huh?
- Mm-hmm, yeah.Copy !req
246. And have me stand in line
in some damn bank in a clown outfit...Copy !req
247. degrading and shaming myself to
cash your little peanuts, huh?Copy !req
248. I don't think so.Copy !req
249. Homey don't play that.Copy !req
250. See? The little chickadees
is having fun already.Copy !req
251. I suppose you're right.
Okay!Copy !req
252. Woodpeckers!Copy !req
253. We rendezvous here
at 1400 hours.Copy !req
254. What the hell was that?Copy !req
255. - Woodpecker call, sir.
- Yeah, all right.Copy !req
256. Well, now that Mr. Uptight-and-white
is gone, let's have some fun.Copy !req
257. - Yeah!
- Who's the little birthday child?Copy !req
258. I am, Homey! I am!Copy !req
259. Okay. Then you get to wear this.Copy !req
260. - Oh!
- Ooh!Copy !req
261. - The birthday hat.
- Thank you.Copy !req
262. - So what do you wanna do first?
- Open my presents!Copy !req
263. Oh, yeah, right.
Open up all your presents...Copy !req
264. while the rest of us stand here empty-handed,
watching you have fun, huh?Copy !req
265. Yeah!Copy !req
266. I don't think so.Copy !req
267. Homey don't play that.Copy !req
268. You open that crap
when you get home, Goldilocks.Copy !req
269. - Okay, what's next?
- Oh, let's play some games, Homey.Copy !req
270. Yeah! Let's play some games!Copy !req
271. Ooh! You want to play
some games, huh?Copy !req
272. - Yeah!
- Yeah.!Copy !req
273. Okay, let's play "Homey Says."Copy !req
274. - Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
275. Okay, Homey says do like this.Copy !req
276. And then Homey says
put your hands like this.Copy !req
277. And then Homey says
close your eyes like this.Copy !req
278. The end!
Wasn't that fun, childrens?Copy !req
279. How about another game?Copy !req
280. - Let's play a game of cards. Any volunteers?
- Me, me, me.!Copy !req
281. Okay, come with me, son.Copy !req
282. What kind of cards are these?Copy !req
283. It's called solitaire...Copy !req
284. confinement.Copy !req
285. That's what you get
for volunteering, stupid.Copy !req
286. - Okay, y'all want birthday cake?
- Yeah!Copy !req
287. We ain't got none.Copy !req
288. We got cheese.Copy !req
289. Government cheese.
Fresh baked this morning.Copy !req
290. Let's sing the "Happy Birthday" song.Copy !req
291. ddCopy !req
292. Okay, that's enough!Copy !req
293. Who wants to cut the cheese?Copy !req
294. All right.
I'll just save it for my 2:00 party.Copy !req
295. Okay, childrens, line up.Copy !req
296. It's time to sing
the Home E. Cheese Wiz Kids song.Copy !req
297. Come on out of jail, silly boy.Copy !req
298. I'll hit you when I wanna hit you.Copy !req
299. Come on. Line up.
Let's keep it fun, childrens.Copy !req
300. Yeah!Copy !req
301. Okay, now, sing after me.Copy !req
302. d I'm a Homey Wiz Kid
Look at me dCopy !req
303. d I'm a Homey Wiz Kid
Look at me dCopy !req
304. d I run and jump and play all day
because I'm free dCopy !req
305. d I run and jump and play all day
because I'm free dCopy !req
306. d I wish everybody
I wish everybody dCopy !req
307. d I wish everybody
could be like me dCopy !req
308. d I wish everybody
I wish everybody dCopy !req
309. d I wish everybody
could be like me dCopy !req
310. d Instead of downtrodden people
in Mr. Establishment's society dCopy !req
311. d Living like dogs
while they try to keep you down dCopy !req
312. d With oppression and
aggression and cable TVdCopy !req
313. d With prison and lovin' it
for justice for all ddCopy !req
314. I said sing the damn song!Copy !req
315. ddCopy !req
316. Okay, that's enough,
that's enough, that's enough.Copy !req
317. - Oh!
- Pass those out.Copy !req
318. - Thanks, Homey!
- I dub thee Home E. Cheese Wiz Kids.Copy !req
319. - I can't breathe.
- Thanks, Homey.Copy !req
320. Homey! Homey!Copy !req
321. Homey! Homey! Homey! Homey!
Homey! Homey! Homey! Homey!Copy !req
322. Homey! Homey!
Homey! Homey!Copy !req
323. My God! What have you
done to the children?Copy !req
324. I've showed them the light.Copy !req
325. Okay, kids, let's go.
Fun's over.Copy !req
326. Arm yourselves, Homettes!Copy !req
327. As your Woodpecker leader,
I am warning you.Copy !req
328. I'm telling you to take those socks,
put them away...Copy !req
329. and come with me
to headquarters N-O-W.Copy !req
330. Oh, yeah?
Go back to headquarters?Copy !req
331. Yeah, so you can inspect our bunks?Copy !req
332. - Yeah, and take away our candy?
- Yeah, and make us eat lima beans?Copy !req
333. We don't think so.Copy !req
334. Home E. Cheese Wiz Kids
don't play that!Copy !req
335. Hey, uh, Homey,
can I get my presents back?Copy !req
336. - Oh, you want all your gifts back?
- Yes, please.Copy !req
337. I don't think so.Copy !req
338. Hmm. I wonder where
that 2:00 group of children is.Copy !req
339. Thank you.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
340. Before we go, I'd just like to introduce you
to our newest Fly Girl, Carla Garrido.Copy !req
341. All right! All right!Copy !req
342. - Say good night, Carla.
- Good night!Copy !req
343. - Say, "See you next week."
- See you next week.Copy !req
344. She's gonna work out fine.
See you later.Copy !req
345. d You can do what you wanna do ddCopy !req