1. Hi, I'm Julie from the
In Living Color switchboard.Copy !req
2. - I'm about to let you in on an incredible offer.Copy !req
3. If you call me now,
for just $39.95...Copy !req
4. Fox Television will send you
this genuine Afro-phone...Copy !req
5. made from the finest
polystyrene plastic.Copy !req
6. And if you call right now,
we'll send along absolutely free...Copy !req
7. In Living Color's outtakes,
bloopers and blunders.Copy !req
8. Oh, my God!
Look what happened...Copy !req
9. by accident!Copy !req
10. Operators are standing by.
SW1, kick it.Copy !req
11. First, Lou Ferrigno was The Incredible Hulk.Copy !req
12. Then Arnold Schwarzenegger
was Conan.Copy !req
13. And now, world champion
female bodybuilder Vera De Milo...Copy !req
14. explodes upon the screen as...Copy !req
15. Veracosa,
Mistress of Destruction.Copy !req
16. Watch Vera's biceps bulge...Copy !req
17. as she summons
the spirit Dianabol.Copy !req
18. Watch her belly bulge
as she lets loose the wind of the gods.Copy !req
19. You'll marvel at all
of Vera's incredible bulges.Copy !req
20. Yaah! Whoa!Copy !req
21. What's a girl to do?Copy !req
22. Yaah! Whoo!Copy !req
23. Yaah!Copy !req
24. Thanks
for hangin' around.Copy !req
25. Hey. No fair.Copy !req
26. Ow!Copy !req
27. Ah!Copy !req
28. At last we meet,
my dreaded Veracosa.Copy !req
29. I am Kee-Man
of the Hanna-Barberians.Copy !req
30. I am he that must
vanquish thee from thine.Copy !req
31. Therefore, I am, I must.Copy !req
32. I don't understand
a word you're saying.Copy !req
33. What kind of language
is that?Copy !req
34. It is the tongue
of my native land, Dyslexia.Copy !req
35. Now, say you'll be
my bride.Copy !req
36. And together we will rule
the Erudites.Copy !req
37. You are brave
as well as beautiful.Copy !req
38. That excites me.Copy !req
39. You shall never taste
my ambrosia, Kee-Man.Copy !req
40. - For I am Veracosa...Copy !req
41. of British Caledonia,
keeper of Nautilus...Copy !req
42. and deceptor
of urinalysis.Copy !req
43. Very well.Copy !req
44. Then what
I cannot have...Copy !req
45. take it I shall.Copy !req
46. Yes. I shall unleash
the mammaries...Copy !req
47. - that kings and princes have died for.Copy !req
48. I can't believe
you just did that!Copy !req
49. I am so humiliated!Copy !req
50. Now you've asked for it.Copy !req
51. No! No, not
the poison pit.Copy !req
52. - Oh! Oh, no!
- Sleep well, Kee-Man.Copy !req
53. Let that be a lesson
to all those who practice evil.Copy !req
54. When you mess
with my breasts...Copy !req
55. you die like the rest!Copy !req
56. Vera! Vera! Vera! Vera!Copy !req
57. Veracosa, Mistress of Destruction...Copy !req
58. coming soon
to a theater near you.Copy !req
59. They drove you crazy
with their top-500 hit "We Tight."Copy !req
60. They revolutionized dinner theater
with their show...Copy !req
61. Please Don't Chew
With Your Mouth Open.Copy !req
62. And now, Cephus and Reesie
sing all your holiday favorites...Copy !req
63. including their 24-minute
version of'Deck the Halls."Copy !req
64. Now, hold it
right there, Reesie!Copy !req
65. - What are we deckin'?
- I'm deckin' the...Copy !req
66. You'll get their
49-minute version of'Silent Night."Copy !req
67. Shh! Shh!Copy !req
68. Now, hold it Reesie.
What kind of night you say that was?Copy !req
69. Shh! Shh! I said it was
a silent night.Copy !req
70. Oh, Reesie, I'm talkin' too much.
Better hush up.Copy !req
71. Shh! See no evil, hear no evil.
Silent night.Copy !req
72. Put a sock in it!Copy !req
73. Now, wait a minute, Reesie.
I'm confused.Copy !req
74. Was the night silent
or was it holy?Copy !req
75. It was silent
and holy, Cephus!Copy !req
76. - Oh, you mean holy, holy.
- You crazy.Copy !req
77. - Like a sock!Copy !req
78. And best of all, if you act now...Copy !req
79. you can receive this eight-C.D.
Collector's edition...Copy !req
80. of the "Twelve Days
of Christmas. "Copy !req
81. It's a holiday album
you'll enjoy for years to come...Copy !req
82. and you'll only have to
play it once.Copy !req
83. Send $ 19.99 today to...Copy !req
84. Now, this is a replica of the habitat
ofbirds from the Brazilian rain forest.Copy !req
85. Now, can anyone tell me
why these birds are endangered?Copy !req
86. Edna? Edna?Copy !req
87. Oh. Yes.Copy !req
88. I believe I can tell you,
Mrs. Keegan.Copy !req
89. These birds are endangered
because when they fly south...Copy !req
90. sometimes they go too far, going past
the South Pole up to the North Pole...Copy !req
91. and get hit by Santa's sled.Copy !req
92. That's enough, young lady.Copy !req
93. If I hear one more of your outrageous
stories, I'm gonna have to call your mother.Copy !req
94. - Whatever you say, bubble butt.
- What did you say?Copy !req
95. I said, " Gosh, I can't wait
to see King Tut!"Copy !req
96. Good, because that's
where we're going next.Copy !req
97. But before we go,
does anybody know the correct answer?Copy !req
98. Yes, Parnell.Copy !req
99. Those fowl are being threatened because
the tropical rain forests are being cut down...Copy !req
100. at the alarming rate
of 7,000 acres a day.Copy !req
101. - Duh!
- Very good, Parnell.Copy !req
102. All right, class. Now, let's move on
to the next exhibit, all right?Copy !req
103. Follow me.Copy !req
104. Parnell!Copy !req
105. Look at this, Parnell.Copy !req
106. It's just like that movie,
The Birds. Ah! Oh!Copy !req
107. Save me, Parnell! Please!
They'll poke my eyes out!Copy !req
108. Nice try, Count Barfula.Copy !req
109. But those birds have been dead and stuffed
for about nine billion years!Copy !req
110. Oh, yeah?
Well, for your information, Parnell...Copy !req
111. I happen to be able to talk to
the animals, just like Dr. Dolittle.Copy !req
112. Look.Copy !req
113. That's mature.
Not!Copy !req
114. Parnell, I've got a great idea.Copy !req
115. You be Tarzan, and I'll beJane,
beautiful princess of the jungle.Copy !req
116. I don't wish to be caught
in your tender trap.Copy !req
117. Besides, you look more like
"Cheeta-bo-beet-a, I smell your stinky feet-a."Copy !req
118. Oh, good one, I'm sure.Copy !req
119. Hey, guess what, Parnell.
I'm your cousin, the industrious beaver.Copy !req
120. - Shut up.Copy !req
121. Timber!Copy !req
122. Maximum put-down!Copy !req
123. Way to go! That display has brought joy
to the hearts of millions.Copy !req
124. Now we gotta fix it,
Vomitola Khomeini!Copy !req
125. Hey, what's down here?Copy !req
126. Knock it off,
Puke-asaurus Rex.Copy !req
127. - If that's your idea...
- If that's your idea...Copy !req
128. - You're never gonna...
- You're never gonna...Copy !req
129. - You're not bu...
- You're not bu...Copy !req
130. Edna Louise, Parnell.!Copy !req
131. Oh, thank goodness.Copy !req
132. Oh, thank goodness
you've arrived.Copy !req
133. Mrs. Keegan,
it was terrible.Copy !req
134. All the birds from... from
Desert Land came over...Copy !req
135. with all the birds
from Rain Forest Town...Copy !req
136. and they were crashing and banging,
having a big battle...Copy !req
137. Stop it! Stop it right now, Edna Louise.
That is the absolute last straw.Copy !req
138. I'm going to call your mother
and have you suspended, young lady.Copy !req
139. Oh, Mrs. Keegan, please don't call
my mother. Don't do it.Copy !req
140. I'll do my homework.
I'll do everybody's homework.Copy !req
141. Oh, Mrs. Keegan,
can't we just settle this like adults?Copy !req
142. No, we can't.
That's enough from you.Copy !req
143. - Mrs. Keegan?
- Yes, Parnell.Copy !req
144. It was all my fault.Copy !req
145. I became so fascinated
by the foliage...Copy !req
146. that I had to get a closer look,
and I accidentally knocked it over.Copy !req
147. Edna was... just trying
to help me clean it up.Copy !req
148. All right, Edna.
I won't call your mother this time.Copy !req
149. But both you and Parnell...Copy !req
150. are gonna spend the rest
of the afternoon on the bus.Copy !req
151. Now, clean up his mess.
I'm gonna go join the other children.Copy !req
152. Okay.Copy !req
153. Parnell, Parnell...Copy !req
154. does that mean
you love me or what?Copy !req
155. Try again, Crapalonia!Copy !req
156. It was just a matter
of my own protection.Copy !req
157. If you get kicked out, you'll probably have
to find a job in the fast-food industry...Copy !req
158. and you'll have bad acne,
and when I order my fries...Copy !req
159. I'll have to look at your
pimply, pus-y head.Copy !req
160. It just not worth it,
"Edna-Pedna, go drop dead-na."Copy !req
161. That spells love
to me, man!Copy !req
162. Parnell is in love with me!
I just knew it!Copy !req
163. There he is. Come on.
Let's go see Santa Claus.!Copy !req
164. Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa!Copy !req
165. Santa! Santa! Sa...Copy !req
166. Santa don't live here anymore.Copy !req
167. It's Homey Claus.Copy !req
168. How come you don't
got w-w-white hair and a white beard?Copy !req
169. Oh, surround my face
with white...Copy !req
170. so I can look some sort
of damn North Pole negative.Copy !req
171. I don't think so.Copy !req
172. Homey don't play that.Copy !req
173. Hey. Can we sit on your lap and tell you
what we want for Christmas?Copy !req
174. Yeah.!Copy !req
175. Oh, so let I
get this straight.Copy !req
176. You want me to lower myself
so that you can assume...Copy !req
177. a superior position
and then demand tribute.Copy !req
178. - Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
179. I don't think so.Copy !req
180. Homey don't play that.Copy !req
181. I tell you what.Copy !req
182. You can sit on this.Copy !req
183. You can have your knee,
and I can keep my dignity.Copy !req
184. But, Homey,
w-w-what's dignity?Copy !req
185. Here, let me show you.Copy !req
186. - See how you feel right now?
- Yeah.Copy !req
187. Well, dignity is
the opposite of that.Copy !req
188. Now then, little girl...Copy !req
189. what do you want
from Homey Claus?Copy !req
190. Uh, a Malibu Barbie
with her own condo!Copy !req
191. - A Malibu Barbie?
- Yeah!Copy !req
192. Well, I ain't got
no Malibu Barbie.Copy !req
193. I got Compton Carlotta.Copy !req
194. And this is her Section 8
housing in foreclosure.Copy !req
195. Hey, this is a milk carton...Copy !req
196. and this is a turkey baster
with an Afro!Copy !req
197. - Merry Christmas.
- Thank you.Copy !req
198. - I want...
- I don't care what you want, cave boy.Copy !req
199. This is what you get.Copy !req
200. It's Sticko,
the world's greatest toy.Copy !req
201. - It's a stick.
- I know, but it ain't just an ordinary stick.Copy !req
202. You could be a baseball player, like...
What's that big, fat white boy's name?Copy !req
203. Babe Ruth.Copy !req
204. I don't want to be
a baseball player.Copy !req
205. Well, then you can play the flute,
be the Pied Piper of Hammer time.Copy !req
206. Then here. Why don't you
just go lead the parade?Copy !req
207. - I don't want to lead...
- I said, lead the damn parade!Copy !req
208. Big kid,
come sit down.Copy !req
209. Hi, Homey!Copy !req
210. You scream in my ear again, big kid,
it's gonna be me and you.Copy !req
211. - Sorry, Homey.
- Now, what can Homey Claus get for you?Copy !req
212. Okay. Homey, I would like
a refracting telescope...Copy !req
213. model 897560-392504.Copy !req
214. You know, something I can look at all
the constellations and the stars with.Copy !req
215. Oh, so you're not just a big, dumb kid,
you're a brainy kid.Copy !req
216. - Yeah, Homey.
- Homey's got just the thing for you.Copy !req
217. Here you go.Copy !req
218. But, Homey, this isn't
no refracting telescope.Copy !req
219. It's better than that.
It's an observatory.Copy !req
220. Go ahead. Why don't you
put it on your head.Copy !req
221. Didn't you see
all the wonderful stars?Copy !req
222. Yeah.Copy !req
223. Excuse me, children. I got to bring some
Christmas joy into this young man's heart.Copy !req
224. I saw you take that toy.Copy !req
225. Now, if you need a toy and can't afford one,
Homey Claus will give you one.Copy !req
226. I got money.
I stole it so I can be in a gang.Copy !req
227. It's part
of my initiation.Copy !req
228. - What?
- My initiation.Copy !req
229. He's a ignorant
little fool.Copy !req
230. So you want to be in a gang, huh?
Make you feel like a big man, huh?Copy !req
231. - Yeah.
- Since you're a big man, Homey's
got something special for you.Copy !req
232. - Yes, look in the bag.
- Let me see.Copy !req
233. - I don't see nothin'.
- You gotta look closer.Copy !req
234. - Now what do you see?
- Hey! Get... Nothing!Copy !req
235. That's the same thing your dumb ass
get out of a gang... nothing.Copy !req
236. Can I go now?Copy !req
237. Well, I guess since it's Christmas, I should
let you off with just a warning, huh?Copy !req
238. I don't think so.Copy !req
239. Homey don't play that.Copy !req
240. All right, little childrens, gather around.
My belt is fallin'.Copy !req
241. - That means it's time to sing Christmas carols.
- Yeah!Copy !req
242. All right.
Repeat after me.Copy !req
243. Bright like the light that
the cop shined in my damn face.Copy !req
244. He knew I didn't do nothin'. Threw me on
the floor and put that damn thing in...Copy !req
245. Started beatin' me like I was a fool.
I didn't do it.Copy !req
246. He knew I didn't do it!
He knew it! And y'all ain't singing.Copy !req
247. That was beautiful.
You almost made Homey misty-eyed.Copy !req
248. I said "almost."
Now, y'all go on, get out of here.Copy !req
249. Bye, Homey!Copy !req
250. Hey, Homey!
Homey!Copy !req
251. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
252. What, you trying to have
a special moment with me?Copy !req
253. You want Homey to reveal a tender side,
show he wasn't completely hardened...Copy !req
254. by the Man's
prison system?Copy !req
255. Yeah.Copy !req
256. I don't think so.Copy !req
257. Homey don't play that,
not even on Christmas.Copy !req
258. Now, get the hell
out of here.Copy !req
259. Hey kid.Copy !req
260. You ain't movin' fast enough.
I said get the hell out of here.Copy !req
261. All right.Copy !req
262. All right.Copy !req
263. Thank you very much. Tonight
is a very special night for all of us here...Copy !req
264. because we're celebrating
finishing our 25th episode.Copy !req
265. So thanks to everybody
at home and here...Copy !req
266. who helped to make
the show a success.Copy !req
267. Now, let's get out of here.
See you next week.Copy !req