1. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
2. d In living colordCopy !req
3. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
4. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
5. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
6. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
7. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
8. - d Take it from me It's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
9. d And how would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete dCopy !req
10. d And all mankind danced
to the exact beat dCopy !req
11. - d And at night it was safe
to walk down the street d
- d In living colordCopy !req
12. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
13. d In living colordCopy !req
14. d In living colordCopy !req
15. d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
16. - d In living colord
- d In living colordCopy !req
17. d Everybody here
is equally kind dCopy !req
18. d Everybody here
is equally kind dCopy !req
19. d Everybody, everybody
everybody, everybody dCopy !req
20. - d Everybody here is equally kind d
- d In living colordCopy !req
21. d What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine dCopy !req
22. d In living c-c-c-olordCopy !req
23. d You can do what you wanna do
in living colordCopy !req
24. - d In living colord
- d You know what I'm sayin'dCopy !req
25. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
26. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
27. - d Take it from me It's a'ight to be d
- d In living colordCopy !req
28. d You can do what you wanna do
in living colorddCopy !req
29. Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenen Ivory Wayans.Copy !req
30. My new look. Huh?Copy !req
31. A little something.
A little something, new jacket there.Copy !req
32. How's everybody doing?
Good to have you all here.Copy !req
33. - [Applause, Cheering]
- Thank you.Copy !req
34. You know the rules.
You sit back, you laugh, we do the rest.Copy !req
35. We'll be back in a minute.
Shawn, get it going.Copy !req
36. - dd
- d You can do what you wanna do dCopy !req
37. d In living colordCopy !req
38. d In living colordCopy !req
39. d You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon dCopy !req
40. d You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon dCopy !req
41. All these guys are bums.Copy !req
42. He'll wanna feel you out,
see what you got.Copy !req
43. He's got just one thing on his mind.Copy !req
44. He's gonna wanna put you
on your back right away.Copy !req
45. That's right. So what I want you to do...Copy !req
46. is when you're both in close
and you're hot and sweaty...Copy !req
47. I want you to throw it in his third rib.Copy !req
48. You push that in there, it pushes all the bile
out of the body right onto the floor.Copy !req
49. But, Dads, it's just a date.
Do I have to wear these gloves?Copy !req
50. Oh, darlin', but it goes so nice
with the mouthpiece we got you.Copy !req
51. At first,
there was Three Champs and a Baby.Copy !req
52. Now, Touch-tone Pictures presents:Copy !req
53. Now, remember, no contact below the belt.Copy !req
54. That's right.
Let's get these up there.Copy !req
55. - Oh, Dad.
- Now, do you remember what I told ya?Copy !req
56. - No, Dad.
- Well, neither do I...Copy !req
57. but just in case...Copy !req
58. He may be pretty. He may have zits.Copy !req
59. Whatever you do, don't let him touch, uh...Copy !req
60. like a bee.Copy !req
61. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
62. You know, you look pretty ecstatic, darlin'.Copy !req
63. Thanks.
Oh, I think I might need some money, Dad.Copy !req
64. Oh, that's fine.
All pretty girls need money.Copy !req
65. How much you need, darlin'?
10, 20, 30,000?Copy !req
66. - Here. Take it all. Here. Take the watch.
- Oh.Copy !req
67. Take the deed to the house. Take it all.
Just get your baldheaded mother
away from me!Copy !req
68. - Mike! Mike!
- Michael! Michael!Copy !req
69. - It's over now.
- Ohhh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
70. I had a lithium flashback. I'm all right.Copy !req
71. - It's okay, Dad.
- No, darlin'. That was pretty ludicrous.Copy !req
72. Hey, "ludicrous."
That's a pretty big word.Copy !req
73. Yeah.Copy !req
74. I remember the first time I fell in love.Copy !req
75. It was right after a big fight.Copy !req
76. I looked down and saw one of
the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen,
and it winked at me.Copy !req
77. Then I picked it up
and put it back in its socket.Copy !req
78. Hey. You know, I remember my first date.Copy !req
79. - You do?
- No, I don't.Copy !req
80. Well, anyway, darlin', just remember...Copy !req
81. if you have any problems, just call the house.Copy !req
82. I'll hop in the Mercedes. I'll drive right...Copy !req
83. - No!
- No! No, no!Copy !req
84. - Dad! Doorbell.Copy !req
85. That's pretty funny, Ali.
Pretty funny.Copy !req
86. Dad, Dad, Dad...Copy !req
87. this is my date,
Gerry Cooney, Jr.Copy !req
88. Yeah. How you doing, kid?Copy !req
89. - Oh, geez!
- Like father, like son.Copy !req
90. - Gerry Cooney.
- Easy, easy, easy.Copy !req
91. Easy. Put your arm over here.
Put your arm around him.Copy !req
92. - There you go.
- All right.Copy !req
93. - Good-bye, young people. Have a good time.
- Good-bye, Dads.Copy !req
94. - You kids have fun.
- Okay.Copy !req
95. Have fun.
Say hello to your dad for me.Copy !req
96. Geez. Boy, her first date, guys.Copy !req
97. - Mm.
- I don't know if I'm ecstatic or ludicrous.Copy !req
98. Why don't we just fight another round,
Mike?Copy !req
99. - All right. I tell you what,
you guess who I am this time, all right?
- All right.Copy !req
100. All right. Check it out now.
We're in the second round, all right?Copy !req
101. Hit me with a right hand real soft.
Boom!Copy !req
102. I'm down.
"Hey! Where's my $22 million?"Copy !req
103. - Buster Douglas!
- That's right!Copy !req
104. Three Champs and a Little Lady.Copy !req
105. Coming to a theater near you.Copy !req
106. ddCopy !req
107. Hey! Welcome back to the Newlywed Game.Copy !req
108. Biff and Bunny, that last round was incredible.Copy !req
109. Now, it's time to see
how our husbands'answers...Copy !req
110. match up with what their wives have said.Copy !req
111. Couple number three, Phillip and Louise.Copy !req
112. If your wife was a dog, Phil...Copy !req
113. what kind of a dog would she be?Copy !req
114. Well, I'd have to say an Afghan...Copy !req
115. because it's tall, it's regal and it's elegant...Copy !req
116. everything that she is.Copy !req
117. Louise, wanna show us your card?Copy !req
118. She said she would not be a dog.Copy !req
119. Hey, Louise, it's just a game.Copy !req
120. I thought the whole point was to win.Copy !req
121. Well, uh, Phillip, you can play the game...Copy !req
122. but I'm not going to answer a question
that I find degrading.Copy !req
123. I know we've only been married a month,
but I don't think I like you.Copy !req
124. Well, are we having a verbal conflict,
Phillip?Copy !req
125. I know our therapist told us to avoid that.Copy !req
126. Maybe we should just end this marriage
right now.Copy !req
127. - Judges? Judges say, "End the marriage."Copy !req
128. Okay. On to couple number two.Copy !req
129. Biff, what kind of a dog is your wife?Copy !req
130. Well, Bob, I always tell Bunny...Copy !req
131. that's she's just a cute
little fluffy newborn pup...Copy !req
132. with a warm little belly...Copy !req
133. and a sharp, scratchy little tongue...Copy !req
134. and droopy little lovable puppy dog eyes.Copy !req
135. Bunny, show us your card.Copy !req
136. - Hey.! That's a doggone correct answer.Copy !req
137. Which brings us to couple number one,
Fred and Wilma.Copy !req
138. - Guys?
- Yeah.Copy !req
139. Well, Fred, what kind of a four-legged mutt
are you married to?Copy !req
140. Hey, hey, hey.
My wife ain't no mutt, all right?Copy !req
141. - She's more like a pit bull.
- A pit bull?Copy !req
142. Yeah, a pit bull.
Isn't that one of them dogs that, you know...Copy !req
143. clamps onto your behind
and will not let go no matter what?Copy !req
144. - Uh-huh.
- That's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
145. - What?
- She said... She said, "The butt."Copy !req
146. - That's from when we...
- That's from before.Copy !req
147. - What kind of a dog is that?
- I said a poodle!Copy !req
148. - Oh.
- A poodle! Remember how you be
saying whenever we make love...Copy !req
149. my head be looking like
a poodle dangling from a dashboard?Copy !req
150. Yeah, but the pit bull clamp.Copy !req
151. - Oh, shut up! You so stupid,
stupid, stupid, stupid!
- Bob! Bob!Copy !req
152. Okay, Bunny, what part of your body
reminds Biff of food?Copy !req
153. Well, Bob,
it's funny you should ask that.Copy !req
154. See, Biff puts on these chaps
and he tightens up the saddle...Copy !req
155. and he straps on those spurs...Copy !req
156. - Specifically, Bunny.
- Well, um...Copy !req
157. my face gets all flushed
and my cheeks are like cherries!Copy !req
158. - "Cheeks like cherries."Copy !req
159. Better put him out to stud.Copy !req
160. That's also another correct answer
and 10 big points...Copy !req
161. which brings us back to Fred and Wilma.Copy !req
162. Well, let me tell you something, Bob.Copy !req
163. Missy over here
ain't the only one with cherry cheeks...Copy !req
164. except mine ain't the ones that smilin'.Copy !req
165. Fred, could be your big chance
to get out of the doghouse.Copy !req
166. - "Cottage Cheese Thighs."
- Cottage cheese thighs!Copy !req
167. Cottage cheese thighs. You know,
Bob, she got those big lumps of fat
on the back of her legs.Copy !req
168. - They hunk over...
They overflow over her panty hose.
- Yeah. Uh-huh.Copy !req
169. - I even drew a picture. Check it out.
- That's a good one.Copy !req
170. - Oh, that's it.
- See? That's the fat right there.Copy !req
171. When she walks, it's like dead fish
slapping together. Come on now!Copy !req
172. Well, couple number two?Copy !req
173. Couple number two,
you're our grand prize winner.Copy !req
174. - This is Bob Eubanks...Copy !req
175. and the Newlywed Game.Copy !req
176. dd [Hip-Hop]Copy !req
177. ddCopy !req
178. And now, live from Cell Block "B"
Prison Cable Network...Copy !req
179. the only TVproduced in prison for prisoners...Copy !req
180. presents the Good Behavior Variety Show!Copy !req
181. So let's give it up for your host...Copy !req
182. serving a life sentence for...Copy !req
183. You name it, he's done it.Copy !req
184. - Here's Angel.!Copy !req
185. dd [Rock Climaxes, Stops]Copy !req
186. Hey, hey!Copy !req
187. All right, all right. Let's give a hand
to the Prison Cable Network Band! Come on!Copy !req
188. All right, all right.Copy !req
189. I wanna tell everybody,
it's so good to be here, you know what I mean?Copy !req
190. Well, not good to be here,
but good to be here. You know what I'm saying!Copy !req
191. - ddCopy !req
192. I know you guys are looking at me
and probably thinking...Copy !req
193. "Hey, this guy's a kidnapping, car-stealing,
gun-toting killer from Oakland, huh?"Copy !req
194. Well, I'm not, all right?
I'm from San Francisco, huh?Copy !req
195. - ddCopy !req
196. Okay, okay.
Okay, for our first act tonight, all right...Copy !req
197. This guy is my home slice, man.Copy !req
198. I like to call him Poquito.
You can call him Tiny, man.Copy !req
199. He's gonna be doing a scene
from the Wizard of Oz, man. That's right.Copy !req
200. And performing with him
is Miss Debbie Walsh.Copy !req
201. Yeah, she's a volunteer in the infirmary.
Check it out. This is gonna be hot.Copy !req
202. It's gonna be cooking.Copy !req
203. - dd
- [Cheering, Whistling]Copy !req
204. - [Applause, Cheering Dies Out]Copy !req
205. Oil can. Oil can.Copy !req
206. Mm! Mm. Goodness.
I can talk again.Copy !req
207. Good, Tin Woodsman.Copy !req
208. Uh, look here.
Oil me some more, Dorothy.Copy !req
209. Did that hurt?Copy !req
210. Nah. That felt good.Copy !req
211. I ain't been able to move my mouth in ages.Copy !req
212. I just scared I ain't go no heart.Copy !req
213. Well, we were all wondering if you'd
like to come to the Emerald City with us...Copy !req
214. and see if the Wizard of Oz
would give you a heart.Copy !req
215. You look good, Dorothy.Copy !req
216. He's gonna give the scarecrow a brain.Copy !req
217. You smell good too, baby.Copy !req
218. Tiny, that's not in the script.Copy !req
219. Your breastesses look so nice and round.Copy !req
220. Look here! I got to have you, baby!Copy !req
221. Hey, hey!Copy !req
222. All right. I guess we all can identify
with that performance, huh?Copy !req
223. Now, you all are gonna dig this next act, okay?Copy !req
224. He killed at the Apollo.
He killed at the Comedy Store.Copy !req
225. He killed at the 7-11... that's why
they brought him down here to Death Row.Copy !req
226. - Let's give it up for the Death Row Comic.
Come on!Copy !req
227. Thank you. Thank you very much.Copy !req
228. Yeah. Really good to be here.Copy !req
229. So, is this thing on?Copy !req
230. Hey! Take my life, please.Copy !req
231. - dd
- Ho!Copy !req
232. Yeah. I just stabbed a guard 57 times...Copy !req
233. and boy are my arms tired.Copy !req
234. - dd
- Ho!Copy !req
235. Hey! What do you say, folks?Copy !req
236. You know,
I was always the cut up in the family.Copy !req
237. Matter of fact, I cut up my family!Copy !req
238. - dd
- Hey!Copy !req
239. You know, my next appearance, the warden
guaranteed me the best seat in the house.Copy !req
240. I told him, hey,
I'll give an electrifying performance.Copy !req
241. - dd
- Hey, is this thing on?Copy !req
242. Look, folks, I'm dying up here.Copy !req
243. Hey. Dig. I love making people laugh.Copy !req
244. But, see, the key to my jokes
is not in the delivery.Copy !req
245. It's in the execution.Copy !req
246. ddCopy !req
247. All right. It's time.Copy !req
248. Um, anybody heard from the governor?Copy !req
249. Just kidding, y'all.Copy !req
250. Good night.Copy !req
251. I know there's one guy
who hopes we blow a fuse tonight,
you know what I mean?Copy !req
252. All right.
This next act you gonna love, all right?Copy !req
253. His last assistant he sawed in half
and got 25-to-life, man.Copy !req
254. Eeeh.Copy !req
255. Let's give it up for the magic
of Charlie Magic. Come on!Copy !req
256. - ddCopy !req
257. Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!Copy !req
258. Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!Copy !req
259. Good evening, gentlemen.
I know what you're thinking.Copy !req
260. Hell! I'm right inside your heads!Copy !req
261. Tonight I'm gonna do
a little disappearing act for you.Copy !req
262. Like to introduce you
to my beautiful assistant Frank.Copy !req
263. He's looking especially lovely tonight.Copy !req
264. Frank's gonna step inside this box now
and disappear.Copy !req
265. And don't think I won't miss him...Copy !req
266. 'cause he cost me a whole carton of smokes!Copy !req
267. Okay. Now we say the magic words...Copy !req
268. and tap the box twice with the magic wand.Copy !req
269. Guards to the left of me. Guards to the right.Copy !req
270. The guard in the tower is sleeping tonight.Copy !req
271. Helto-Skelto.Copy !req
272. Alakazam!Copy !req
273. Do the dance of doom and presto...Copy !req
274. Frank's gone, man!Copy !req
275. - Hee-hee-hee!Copy !req
276. Oh, man.Copy !req
277. Now I'm gonna make Bill here disappear.Copy !req
278. Thank you, Bill.Copy !req
279. - Now I'm gonna make Stu disappear.Copy !req
280. All right. And here comes Mike.
Nice knowing you, man.Copy !req
281. This is the warden.
Bring 'em back now, Charlie.Copy !req
282. Sorry, man.
I don't know how to do that!Copy !req
283. - Everyone back
in your cells immediately.Copy !req
284. This is a lockdown.Copy !req
285. ddCopy !req
286. Well, that looks like our show tonight.Copy !req
287. All right, everybody. I can't wait
to see you on the outside! Adios!Copy !req
288. - ddCopy !req
289. dd [Hip-Hop]Copy !req
290. Good evening...Copy !req
291. and welcome to
theJustice Legions of America.Copy !req
292. As you all know...Copy !req
293. theJustice Legion recently settled
an affirmative-action suit...Copy !req
294. brought against it by the United States.Copy !req
295. - Apparently...Copy !req
296. it was felt that the Legion's membership
has shown a discriminatory preference...Copy !req
297. for white men
and incredibly beautiful white women.Copy !req
298. As part of our settlement...Copy !req
299. without denying or admitting our guilt...Copy !req
300. I'd now like to present our newest members.Copy !req
301. Please welcome our firstJewish superhero...Copy !req
302. Beardman!Copy !req
303. Tchaiko the Human Computer...Copy !req
304. our first Oriental.Copy !req
305. And, of course, the woman
who originally brought the suit against us...Copy !req
306. Angrywoman, the world's only
black feminist lesbian superhero.Copy !req
307. And last but not least...Copy !req
308. let's give a warm Justice League welcome...Copy !req
309. for the newest handicapped superhero...Copy !req
310. Handi Man!Copy !req
311. Thank you.Copy !req
312. I'm a man of few words.Copy !req
313. And I'd like to say to all those...Copy !req
314. who never believed
in the power of the handicapped...Copy !req
315. "There's a new sheriff in town
and this is his badge."Copy !req
316. Look! Up in the sky!Copy !req
317. It's a bird! It's a plane!Copy !req
318. It's a giant handicapped sign.!Copy !req
319. Listen. I'd love to stay and chat...Copy !req
320. but there's someone who needs my help.Copy !req
321. I'll be back.Copy !req
322. Up, up and away!Copy !req
323. Thank God you heard my call!Copy !req
324. Have no fear, Handi Man is here.Copy !req
325. Good. I gotta go bad.Copy !req
326. This guy's been in the stall for over
an hour and a half. He's not even disabled!Copy !req
327. Say no more. Wheel back.Copy !req
328. Something tells me this ain't gonna be pretty.Copy !req
329. Hey! What the... Hey!Copy !req
330. Come on outta the stall before there's trouble.Copy !req
331. I ain't leaving.Copy !req
332. Uh-oh. Looks like someone's
about to join the ranks of the disabled.Copy !req
333. Let's get busy!Copy !req
334. A cool drink of water
oughta calm you down.Copy !req
335. - Now get out of here!Copy !req
336. I'm sorry, Handi Man! I'm sorry.Copy !req
337. Oh! Oh, no! I didn't do anything. I'm sorry.Copy !req
338. You saved the day!Copy !req
339. The physically challenged
have been needing a hero, and you're it!Copy !req
340. Thank you, Handi Man!Copy !req
341. That's okay, son. And remember...Copy !req
342. never underestimate
the powers of the handicapped.Copy !req
343. Up, up and away!Copy !req
344. Thank God we have Handi Man to count on!Copy !req
345. The Adventures of Handi Man!Copy !req
346. - [Applause, Cheering]
- Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
347. We're gonna see you again
next Sunday... 8:00, Fox.Copy !req
348. Until then, we gonna go home tonight...Copy !req
349. Until then, we gonna go home tonight...Copy !req
350. with the first female
on the notorious DefJam label...Copy !req
351. give it up for Nikki D.Copy !req
352. - dd [Hip-Hop]Copy !req
353. That's what I'm talking about.
Come on, y'all.Copy !req
354. It's the end of the show.
You might as well have a good time.Copy !req
355. You know, they all worked it. You got
the Fly Girls, the whole In Living Color posse.Copy !req
356. And we're gonna take you home.
We're gonna take you out like this:Copy !req
357. ddCopy !req
358. ddCopy !req
359. ddCopy !req
360. ddCopy !req