1. You can do what you wanna doCopy !req
2. In living colorCopy !req
3. - In living color
- You know what I'm sayin'Copy !req
4. You can do what you wanna doCopy !req
5. In living colorCopy !req
6. In living colorCopy !req
7. You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloonCopy !req
8. It's never too late
and it's never too soonCopy !req
9. Take it from me
It's a'ight to beCopy !req
10. In living colorCopy !req
11. How would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsoleteCopy !req
12. And all mankind danced
to the exact beatCopy !req
13. - And at night it was safe
to walk down the street
- In living colorCopy !req
14. You can do what you wanna doCopy !req
15. In living colorCopy !req
16. In living colorCopy !req
17. You can do what you wanna doCopy !req
18. In living colorCopy !req
19. In living colorCopy !req
20. - Everybody here is equally kind
- In living colorCopy !req
21. - What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine
- In living colorCopy !req
22. How would you feel knowing
everybody was your friendCopy !req
23. From thin to thick
and through thick and thinCopy !req
24. And egotistical trips
was put to an endCopy !req
25. - In living color
- You can do what you wanna doCopy !req
26. In living colorCopy !req
27. - In living color
- You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloonCopy !req
28. It's never too late
and it's never too soonCopy !req
29. - Take it from me It's a'ight to be
- In living colorCopy !req
30. How would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsoleteCopy !req
31. And all mankind danced
to the exact beatCopy !req
32. - And at night it was safe
to walk down the street
- In living colorCopy !req
33. You can do what you wanna doCopy !req
34. - In living color
- [Applause, Cheering]Copy !req
35. Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenan Ivory Wayans.Copy !req
36. All right. Thank you.Copy !req
37. Thank you. I'm Keenan Ivory Wayans,
and this is In Living Color.Copy !req
38. - Thanks for being here tonight. Yeah.
- [Cheering, Applause]Copy !req
39. I'd like to say hello
to all our new fans out there.Copy !req
40. Thanks for tuning in.
We got a fun show tonight.Copy !req
41. Before I get started,
you know what to do,Copy !req
42. say hello to my D.J., S.W. One.Copy !req
43. Yeah. And to the Fly Girls...Copy !req
44. startin'over here
with Carrie Ann, Lisa,Copy !req
45. Cari, Michelle and Deidre.Copy !req
46. - Yeah.
- [Applause, Cheering]Copy !req
47. I want you all to chill
while we get ill.Copy !req
48. Mr. D.J., do your thing.
Be right back.Copy !req
49. You can do what you wanna doCopy !req
50. In living colorCopy !req
51. Yo, yo, yo! Welcome to
the Homeboy No-Money-Down Seminar.Copy !req
52. That's right. We gonna teach you how to
get paid with absolutely no money down.Copy !req
53. That's right.
I'm Willis, 'dis da Iceman.Copy !req
54. - Chillin'!
- Yo, our secret to success...Copy !req
55. is right here
in our new little booklet,Copy !req
56. How To Make Mo'Money
Without Using Yo'Money.Copy !req
57. Might well you ask,
"Whose money should I use?"Copy !req
58. Who got more money then
they know what to do with?Copy !req
59. - The Gub-ment.
- That's right.Copy !req
60. And in part one of our booklet,Copy !req
61. we gonna show you how to use that money
from the government.Copy !req
62. For example, did you know...Copy !req
63. that food stamps cannot be used
to buy alcoholic beverages?Copy !req
64. Hmm. But how could I use that knowledge
to work for me?Copy !req
65. I'm glad that you asked.Copy !req
66. Let's look at the chart.Copy !req
67. I go into a store and purchase
a pack of beer for, let's say, $3.99.Copy !req
68. Or even less,
depending on the security system.Copy !req
69. And I trade it
to some unscrupulous individual,Copy !req
70. such as this man right here.Copy !req
71. For, let's say,
$40-50 worth of food stamps.Copy !req
72. - Uh-huh.
- Now, he's easy to find.
He might even be in your family.Copy !req
73. And I take that money, and I find
a little fat lady named LaQuita...Copy !req
74. with about 15 children,Copy !req
75. and I trade it to her for $25.Copy !req
76. What does that equal?Copy !req
77. Yo, here goes one of
our many success stories.Copy !req
78. Anton "Boom Boom'Geno.Copy !req
79. $45,000 in three weeks.Copy !req
80. Luther "Big Head'Jones.Copy !req
81. $ 123,000 in six months.Copy !req
82. Yo, our Mo' Money Seminar...Copy !req
83. will teach you how to get over
like Rover the Casanova.Copy !req
84. That's right.
And in part three,Copy !req
85. we gonna show you
how to dress for success.Copy !req
86. Like, check out my man Willis here.Copy !req
87. I know you're saying
he looks pretty fly like it is,Copy !req
88. but add this little
accessory right here...Copy !req
89. Now he's got a look most businessmen
just can't seem to say "No" to.Copy !req
90. That's right. But wait.
Hol-Hol-Hold on.Copy !req
91. - You say, "Yo, homeboy."
- What?Copy !req
92. - "Yo, homeboy."
- "What?"Copy !req
93. - You drive a big Mercedes.
- Yes, I do.Copy !req
94. How can I drive
a big, crazy Mercedes too?Copy !req
95. Well, that's easy.
If you act now,Copy !req
96. we gonna send you
our exclusive Mo' Money Valet Kit.Copy !req
97. You just find yourself
a nice, fancy restaurant,Copy !req
98. stand in front,
throw on this red jacket,Copy !req
99. hold up this here sign,Copy !req
100. and you'll be amazed
at how many people just walk up...Copy !req
101. and give you a luxury car.Copy !req
102. Yo, some of them will even tip you
before turning over the keys.Copy !req
103. - FBI.! Open up in there.!Copy !req
104. Yo. You know what that means.
We're moving locations.Copy !req
105. That's right. Yo, people are just banging on
the doors trying to get into on our seminars.Copy !req
106. So just send $50 to the Homeboys
care of this station.Copy !req
107. - See you next time.
- Peace.Copy !req
108. Hello, and welcome to America's
Funniest Security Camera Videos.Copy !req
109. I'm Bob Saget.Copy !req
110. I'd like to say hello to my daughter.Copy !req
111. She's at home right now,
throwing up with the flu.Copy !req
112. And I hope they're taping it.Copy !req
113. Only kidding.Copy !req
114. I already have that on tape.Copy !req
115. Anyway,
as you know we get videos...Copy !req
116. from security cameras installed
all across the country.Copy !req
117. Tonight we're gonna be taking a look
at a video sent by Ali Bahad Camcar.Copy !req
118. Ali works at a Lucky 11
convenience store...Copy !req
119. and, boy, am I surprised.Copy !req
120. Roll 'em.Copy !req
121. Just a typical night in the Lucky 11.Copy !req
122. Little kid's buying a slushy,
a cashier short-changing him,Copy !req
123. and plenty of surveillance
to cover the event.Copy !req
124. Uh-Oh. Company.Copy !req
125. Hey, man!
Ghandi, give me the money!Copy !req
126. - I'm sorry. Business not too good today.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
127. - How is it now?
- That had to hurt.!Copy !req
128. Give me...
Give me a chance to get it.Copy !req
129. Open it, Roach Motel!Copy !req
130. - Take it.
- Thanks a lot, Mahatma.Copy !req
131. - Ohhh!Copy !req
132. Clean up on aisle five.!Copy !req
133. Merry Christmas,
mother...Copy !req
134. Wow.Copy !req
135. Good thing those paper towels
are superabsorbent.Copy !req
136. - Coppers! Lady, come here!
- Uh-oh.Copy !req
137. - Stay there. I'll kill her, man!Copy !req
138. She coulda been a hostage,
but her heart wasn't in it.Copy !req
139. - [Speaks, Indistinct]Copy !req
140. Some days,
it just doesn't pay to be a crook.Copy !req
141. Ali, thanks for
that hysterical videotape.Copy !req
142. You're a very brave man
and here's looking through you.Copy !req
143. Stop me or I'll joke again!Copy !req
144. See you all next week on America's
Funniest Security Camera Videos.Copy !req
145. Ladies and gentlemen, the most
controversial female comedian:Copy !req
146. Andrea Dice Clay.!Copy !req
147. Yeah. You think that's easy to do
when you're stacked like this?Copy !req
148. How the are you doing?Copy !req
149. How do you like my jacket, huh?Copy !req
150. It's the story of my life. I got more
studs than I know what to do to with.Copy !req
151. I'm telling you.
Guys can't get enough of me.Copy !req
152. They're always saying,
"Oh, baby. Oh, baby.Copy !req
153. I love you. I need you."Copy !req
154. Bulls... .Copy !req
155. Just gimme the goods
and get outta here!Copy !req
156. I'm through with you!Copy !req
157. I was doing this guy
in my dressing room...Copy !req
158. before I came out here tonight.Copy !req
159. He says to me,
"You hurt my feelings."Copy !req
160. Well, excuse the outta me.Copy !req
161. All I says was,Copy !req
162. "Is that all there is, huh?"Copy !req
163. These guys
think they're built...Copy !req
164. like -damned Adonis.Copy !req
165. You know what I mean?Copy !req
166. Like this the other night.Copy !req
167. He says to me...Copy !req
168. He says to me,Copy !req
169. "Let me know if I hurt you."Copy !req
170. If you hurt me?Copy !req
171. I says, " The last time
I saw something that looked like that,Copy !req
172. it had an eraser on the end of it."Copy !req
173. Andrea Dice Clay...Copy !req
174. at the Desert Inn
now through July 15th.Copy !req
175. If she doesn't cut 'em off,
you'll laugh 'em off.Copy !req
176. Yeah.Copy !req
177. EatCopy !req
178. - Hey, mon!Copy !req
179. It's time for
another episode of Hey Mon,Copy !req
180. with that hardest-working
West Indian family, the Headleys.!Copy !req
181. This is your Captain speaking.Copy !req
182. I'm also your baggage handler,
ticket agent, head steward,Copy !req
183. navigator, towel boy,
in-flight chiropractor...Copy !req
184. and me own copilot to boot.Copy !req
185. Welcome to Headley Airlines.Copy !req
186. I and my family are working
ourJamaican butts off...Copy !req
187. to make your flight a pleasant one.Copy !req
188. Say hello to your stewardess,
cook, restroom attendant,Copy !req
189. rent-a-car agent, air-traffic controller
and engine mechanic...Copy !req
190. on the left aisle,
my lovely daughter Margaret.Copy !req
191. Hey, mon!
Cap'n says to shove yourselves down.Copy !req
192. All right. Irie!Copy !req
193. And the rude boy serving the drinks
is my lazy son, Byron.Copy !req
194. Come here, boy.
What is this uniform?Copy !req
195. Where's your
tan shirt and tie?Copy !req
196. Pop, you know me no wear
no Yankee-style uniform.Copy !req
197. - Plus, this uniform give me authority.
- Authority?Copy !req
198. Authority.Copy !req
199. Authority?
You look like Isaac from the Love Boat.Copy !req
200. And we all know
he hasn't had a job in a long time.Copy !req
201. Put a drink up there and steer the plane
while I take care of the passengers.Copy !req
202. - You lazy coconut blood clot.Copy !req
203. Get out of my sight.Copy !req
204. Hi, there.
How you doing there, tiger?Copy !req
205. - What a cute little fella you got there.
- Thank you.Copy !req
206. - How old is he?
- He's four.Copy !req
207. - Four years old, huh?
- Hey, hey. Look at that.Copy !req
208. Yeah.
What does he do?Copy !req
209. - What does he do?
- For a living, his job. What's his job?Copy !req
210. He's a four-year-old little boy.
He doesn't have a job.Copy !req
211. Four years old
and doesn't have a job?Copy !req
212. Why, when I was your age,
I had a paper route, a Kool-Aid stand,Copy !req
213. I mowed the lawn,
I was a delivery boy,Copy !req
214. a baby-sitter,
I worked in a coal mine,Copy !req
215. while I was simultaneously in the first,
second, third and fourth grades.Copy !req
216. You better get a job
before it's too late, boy.Copy !req
217. Gimme back my hat,
ya lazy lima bean.Copy !req
218. Excuse me. There's a woman
out on the wing of the plane.Copy !req
219. Don't get excited. It's just my wife
Hilda doing the laundry for her day job.Copy !req
220. Hey, mon!
Oh, God, I love the wind out there.Copy !req
221. It dries my laundry
in one-third the time.Copy !req
222. Yes, it does now.Copy !req
223. Godfreid, look it here.
What is this?Copy !req
224. I'm out there three minutes and lazy
Margaret's sitting down on the job.Copy !req
225. Look, Mama, leave me alone.
I've done all my chores.Copy !req
226. Besides, I talkin' to this real cute
fella sitting next to me and all.Copy !req
227. - What does he do now?
- Well, him from Trinidad.Copy !req
228. Him have 15 job and I think I love he.Copy !req
229. - Stop your tongue-waggin', girl.
Get acquainted!
- Okay, Mom.Copy !req
230. Uh, excuse me, Captain,Copy !req
231. is it necessary for this woman
to iron her clothes right here?Copy !req
232. - I'm trying to relax.
- Relax? Aren't you on a business trip?Copy !req
233. - Well, I'm on a vacation.
- Vacation from how many jobs?Copy !req
234. - One.
- One job?Copy !req
235. You lazy goat. You have some
big, great, big hairy nerve...Copy !req
236. sittin' up here in the business class
for hard-working people.Copy !req
237. He should be back there
in the lazy class.Copy !req
238. Now, but I purchased
a business class ticket.Copy !req
239. Well, I'm gonna tell ya somethin'. Your
ill-gotten lazy money is no good here.Copy !req
240. This class is for hard-workin'
business people. Get out!Copy !req
241. Security!Copy !req
242. Security here.Copy !req
243. - Get him outta my sight, mon!
- Get up. You're under lazy arrest.Copy !req
244. - Get in the back, ya lazy goat!
- Lazy mon! Go! Go! Lazy mon!Copy !req
245. - Get outta here.
- That's right.Copy !req
246. Pop, Pop! We have to land the plane,
but the landing gear is broken.Copy !req
247. Ohh. Well, we got to
land the plane anyway.Copy !req
248. - Crew, prepare for manual landing.
- All right, Dad.Copy !req
249. - Nothing else to do, no?
- That's right.Copy !req
250. Okay, Margaret,
you get under the nose.Copy !req
251. - You and I will get under the wings.
- Okay, Daddy.Copy !req
252. - Hey, mon!
- [Headleys, Simultaneously]
Got to land the plane!Copy !req
253. Join us again
for Hey Mon with the Headleys.Copy !req
254. - Oh! Children!Copy !req
255. - Children, are you having a good time?Copy !req
256. - Yes!
- Yeah!Copy !req
257. Happy birthday, shnooky-ookums.Copy !req
258. - I have a surprise for you!Copy !req
259. - Homey the Clown!Copy !req
260. - I told you the clown! I told you!Copy !req
261. Homey the Clown
Homey the ClownCopy !req
262. - Yay!
- Homey! Homey! Homey!Copy !req
263. - Sit down!
- Homey! Homey! Homey! Homey!Copy !req
264. Homey! Homey! Hom...Copy !req
265. I said sit down.Copy !req
266. All right, kids.
I'm Homey the Clown.Copy !req
267. - Y'all ready to have some fun?
- Yeah!Copy !req
268. - What y'all want me to do first?
- Ooh ooh!Copy !req
269. - Homey, Homey, Homey!
Do a silly clown dance for us.
- What?Copy !req
270. - [Children Cheer, Applaud]
- Yeah. Degrade myself, huh?Copy !req
271. I don't think so.Copy !req
272. Homey don't play that.Copy !req
273. - What else? What else?
- Ooh ooh ooh.!Copy !req
274. You could... Oh! You could slip
on a banana peel and fall on your butt!Copy !req
275. Oh, yeah, fall down
and bust my skull open...Copy !req
276. and have my blood and brains
ooze out on the carpet...Copy !req
277. so you can get a couple
of cheap laughs, huh?Copy !req
278. I don't think so.Copy !req
279. Homey don't play that.Copy !req
280. - What else?
- Oh.! Ooh.! Me.!Copy !req
281. Hey! Hey! Can we smash
a cream pie in your face...Copy !req
282. like they be doing to clowns and stuff?Copy !req
283. - Yeah!
- I think you got it backwards, son.Copy !req
284. Now, how do you feel about yourself?Copy !req
285. Mm. Totally dissed, Homey.Copy !req
286. That's why Homey don't play that.Copy !req
287. All right.
How about a magic trick?Copy !req
288. - Yay!
- Yeah!Copy !req
289. - Who got a dollar?
- I do, Homey!Copy !req
290. Here you go, Homey.Copy !req
291. - All right. I'll fold it once.
- Ooh.!Copy !req
292. - Twice.
- Whoa. Ahhh.Copy !req
293. Now it's gone. Ta-da!Copy !req
294. Let's get something straight, kids.Copy !req
295. Homey may be a clown,
but he don't make a fool outta hisself.Copy !req
296. Yeah? Why...
Uh, why you become a clown then?Copy !req
297. I guess it's because
I got so much love to give...Copy !req
298. and it's part of my prison
work-release program,Copy !req
299. so I got about five more year
of this clown crap.Copy !req
300. Cartoon time!Copy !req
301. Y'all pay special attention, 'cause
this one has a certain message to it.Copy !req
302. Ooh.!Copy !req
303. Once upon a time, Homey the Clown
went to a fancy white restaurant.Copy !req
304. "Chez Whitey" was the name.Copy !req
305. As always,
Homey gets a-hassled by the man.Copy !req
306. He tells him that a tie is required...Copy !req
307. in order to eat in this establishment.Copy !req
308. So Homey says, " Man, get them damn ties
outta my face 'fore I kick your ass!"Copy !req
309. But unfortunately, Monsieur Snowflake
didn't quite hear Homey correctly.Copy !req
310. So Homey had no choice...Copy !req
311. but to keep his word.Copy !req
312. - The end.Copy !req
313. So what have we learned
if nothing else, childrens?Copy !req
314. [Children, Simultaneously]
Homey don't play that!Copy !req
315. That's right. Now, let's sing
the Homey the Clown Song.Copy !req
316. - Repeat after me.Copy !req
317. - Homey the Clown
- Homey the ClownCopy !req
318. - Don't mess around
- Don't mess aroundCopy !req
319. - Even though the man
- Even though the manCopy !req
320. - Try to keep him down
- Try to keep him downCopy !req
321. One day Homey will
break all the chainsCopy !req
322. Then he'll fly away
but until that dayCopy !req
323. Homey don't playCopy !req
324. - I said repeat after me!Copy !req
325. Very good.Copy !req
326. See. You...Copy !req
327. Y'all made Homey smile after all.Copy !req
328. - Happy Birthday, kid.Copy !req
329. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
330. Homey! Homey!Copy !req
331. All right.Copy !req
332. Before we go, we wanna introduce you to
the lady behind the steps on the show...Copy !req
333. and her assistant right here...
that's Rosie Perez.Copy !req
334. On the right here.Copy !req
335. Uh, what can I say?
We had fun doing it once again.Copy !req
336. - If you're there next week,
we'll be there too, so until then...
- Peace!Copy !req
337. Peace.Copy !req
338. You can do what you wanna doCopy !req
339. In living colorCopy !req