1. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
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2.
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3. THERE YOU GO.
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4. ALL RIGHT.
WELCOME TO IN LIVING COLOR.
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5. JOINING US HERE TONIGHT. WE GOT A FUN SHOW LINED UP.
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6. AS USUAL,
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE CREW, STARTING WITH MY D.J., S.W. ONE.
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7.
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8. STARTING OVER HERE WITH CARI, MICHELLE, DEIDRE,
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9. LISA AND CARRIE ANN.
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10. SO WITH NO MORE DELAY,
S.W. ONE, DO THE RIGHT THING.
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11. THE FOUNDATION FOR BLACK HISTORY AWARENESS...
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12. GREAT AMERICAN PROFILES.
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13. KING, THE EARLY YEARS.
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14. EARLIEST SCHOOL DAYS,
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15. DESTINED TO BECOME A LEADER.
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16. HEY, HEY, HEY.
THAT'S MINE. SO?
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17. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHY'D YOU DO THAT, BOY?
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18. 'CAUSE I WANTED TO,
DOODIE BRAIN.
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19. YOU BETTER SHUT UP.
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20. BROTHERS, BROTHERS, BROTHERS.
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21. THAT'S NO WAY TO SETTLE THINGS.
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22. THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE GAINED BY FIGHTING...
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23. UNLESS YOU GET PAID FOR IT.
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24. DON. DON KING, ARE YOU CAUSING TROUBLE AGAIN?
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25. NO, MISS PATTERSON.
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26. AND SO, A YOUNG ENTREPRENEUR BEGAN...
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27. HIS LIFE'S WORK...
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28. WITH THIS ONE THOUGHT,
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29. "I THINK I CAN
MAKE A BUCK DOING THIS."
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30. THAT'S RIGHT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
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31. TODAY AT NOON THERE'S
GONNA BE THE BIGGEST,
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32. IN ALL THE SCHOOL HISTORY.
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33. IT'S GONNA BE PUNCH TIME
AT LUNCHTIME.
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34. IT'S GONNA BE THE THROW-DOWN
IN THE PLAYGROUND!
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35. IT'S GOING TO BE
THE RUMBLE BY THE JUNGLE GYM!
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36. GIVE ME MONEY!
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37. GIVE ME MONEY! MORE MONEY!
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38. THIS SAME PHILOSOPHY LED KING TO BECOME A GREAT INNOVATOR.
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39. WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
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40. WELL, I'M SORRY,
YOUR YO-YO IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
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41. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
WATCH ON PAY-PER-VIEW. WHAT'S THAT?
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42. THE HOLE IN THE FENCE.
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43. OKAY! LET THE FIGHTING BEGIN!
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44. WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT A MINUTE!
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45. I-I DON'T WANNA BE
FIGHTIN' HIM NO MORE. OKAY, I DON'T EITHER.
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46. KING ALSO BECAME A GREAT MOTIVATOR.
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47. OKAY, HIT MY HAND. HARDER.
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48. THAT'S FROM HIM!
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49. AND THE WINNER!
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50. STICK WITH ME, LEON SPINKS. YOU'LL GO ALL THE WAY.
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51. GERRY COONEY, STICK
TO FIGHTING WHITE GUYS.
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52.
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53. HEY, HEY, HEY,
MISS LADY GIRL. MAY I W-WALK YOU HOME?
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54. UH-UH.
WHY NOT? I JUST "WONNED" THE FIGHT.
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55. BUT HE GOTS ALL THE MONEY.
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56. AND A VOCABULARY.
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57. FOR YOU, YOUNG MISS GIVENS.
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58. OH, THANK YOU.
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59. A MAN OF VISION. A MAN OF INTEGRITY.
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60. A MAN WITH A DECENT HAIRCUT.
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61. HE WAS NONE OF THESE THINGS.
BUT HE GOTS ALL THE MONEY.
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62. ONLY IN AMERICA.
ONLY IN AMERICA.
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63. THIS HAS BEEN GREAT AMERICAN PROFILES.
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64. NOW WAIT A MINUTE, Y'ALL.
THIS AIN'T A SHOW JUST FOR ANYBODY.
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65. MEAT LOAF HAPPENIN'.
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66. ALL YOU SEXY FLY CHEFS,
COME ON, LET'S COOK. ♪ AH, COOK IT ♪
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67. HEY, MON, ME HOME!
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68. AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF HEY MON.
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69. WEST INDIAN FAMILY, THE HEADLEY'S.
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70. HEY, MON.
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71. HEY, NOW, MON.
HOW MANY TIMES I GOT TO TELL YOU...
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72. ON MY GOOD SOFA?
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73. DON'T YELL AT ME, WOMAN.
I DROP ME UNIFORM WHEREVER I WANT.
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74. I WORK 15 JOB.
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR FOOLISHNESS WHEN I COME HOME.
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75. I'M TIRED, DAMN IT.
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76. LISTEN, YOU THINK YOU'RE
THE ONLY ONE WORK HARD?
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77. I GOT NINE JOB MYSELF, YOU KNOW.
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78. THE COOKIN' AND THE CLEANIN' AND THE WASHIN' AROUND HERE...
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79. NOT TO MENTION THE WELDING.
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80. WELL, COMBINED THAT'S
ONLY 12 JOB, LAZY WOMAN.
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81. WHAT YOU THINK IT IS A JOB?
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82. HEY, MON.
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83. SPEAKING OF LAZY,
HERE'S THE LAZIEST IDIOT EVER WHO LIVED.
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84. YOUNG BILLY VANILLI RASTA BOY.
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85. AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE
WORKIN' AT THE HOTEL NOW?
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86. NO, BECAUSE I JUST
GOT FIRED FROM THERE.
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87. WHAT HAPPENED?
WHY YOU GOT FIRED?
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88. I NO CARRY NO YANKEE MAN'S BAG.
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89. PLUS, ME HAVE FOUR
PERFECTLY GOOD JOBS LEFT.
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90. FOUR JOB? LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, YOUNG RASTA BOY.
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91. WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,
I WAS A MAINTENANCE MAN,
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92. A CARPENTER, A CAB DRIVER,
A COOK, A HOSPITAL ORDERLY,
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93. A SECURITY GUARD, A TOUR GUIDE,
A FISH CLEANER AND AN AMWAY DISTRIBUTOR ALL IN THE SAME DAY.
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94. I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME
TO ALMOST MAKE YOU, BOY.
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95. BUT, POP,
ME IN TEN BANDS NOW.
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96. ME DON'T HAVE
EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF TIME FOR MYSELF NOW.
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97. TEN BAND AND FOUR JOB.
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98. THAT'S FOURTEEN THINGS.
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99. THAT'S NOT AS BAD
AS I THOUGHT, BOY.
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100. COME HERE, YOU CHIP
OFF THE OLD BANANA BOAT. ME PROUD OF YOU, BOY.
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101. YOU HEAR THAT,
YOU LAZY NEIGHBORS?
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102. MY BOY GOT 14 JOB.
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103. - HEY, MON.
- HEY, MON. - HEY, MON.
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104. WELL, WELL, WELL,
IF IT AIN'T TABLE NAPKIN TURNED TABLE CLOTH.
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105. WHAT YOU DOIN' HOME RIGHT NOW?
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106. DADDY, LEAVE ME ALONE.
I HAVE A DATE WITH MY NEW BOYFRIEND.
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107. REALLY NOW?
TELL US ABOUT THIS NEW FELLA.
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108. WELL, HIM NAME IS DANNY.
HIM AMERICAN. HIM VERY FUNNY.
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109. AND I THINK I LOVE HE!
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110. AND WHAT ELSE?
WHAT DO DADDY WANT TO HEAR?
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111. WELL, HIM VERY SUCCESSFUL,
YOU KNOW.
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112. THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR.
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113. MAMA GONNA BE RICH.
ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS?
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114. TO MAKE $100,000?
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115. ONLY ONE. HE'S A DOCTOR.
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116. ONE JOB! ONE JOB!
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117. A BOY WITH ONE JOB. I HEAR IT.
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118. THAT'S ALL YOU EVER TALK ABOUT—
WORK, WORK, WORK. WHAT ABOUT LOVE?
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119. LOOK AT THE TWO OF YOU.
YOU'RE TIRED AND YOU'RE BUGGED OUT ALL THE TIME.
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120. WHY DON'T YOU GO
AND TAKE A VACATION?
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121. AH, ME ON VACATION
NOW FROM 13 JOB.
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122. BUT PAPA, HOW CAN I THINK
ABOUT WORKIN' WHEN I AM IN LOVE?
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123. IT'S JUST LIKE WHEN YOU AND
MAMA JUST MET, REMEMBER?
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124. I NEVER LOVE YOUR MOTHER.
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125. BECAUSE SHE HAD SIX JOB.
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126. KOREAN BOY YOU WAS DATIN'? HE HAD A HUNDRED JOB.
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127. HIM DEAD NOW.
HIM DROP DEAD IN A JOB INTERVIEW.
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128. WELL, THAT MEANS
ONE HUNDRED JOB OPENINGS.
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129. A HUNDRED JOB OPENINGS?
SOMEONE GET MY NEWSPAPER. DON'T STAND THERE.
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130. OH, I DON'T WHY I TELL YOU
STUPID PEOPLE ANYTHING.
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131. - I'M IN LOVE AND THAT'S
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. -
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132. HEY, YOU HEADLEY, SHUT UP IN THERE! THIS AIN'T JERSEY.
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133. YEAH, SHUT THE HELL UP IN THERE!
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134. HEY, MON! DON'T NOBODY
TELL GODFREID HEADLEY BE QUIET IN ME OWN HOUSE!
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135. IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK,
IF I HAD THE TIME, I'D COME WHIP YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW!
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136. OH, NO!
MY GOD, LOOK AT THE TIME!
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137. OH! HEY, MON! TIME TO GO TO WORK!
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138. JOIN US AGAIN SOON FOR HEY MON WITH THE HEADLEYS.
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139. YOU CAN'T TELL
IF THEY'RE HAPPY OR MAD.
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140. THEY'RE JUST WORKING.
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141.
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142. FRANKLY, SCARLETT, I—
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143. OH.
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144. HELLO, I'M TED TURNER.
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145. AND WELCOME TO TED TURNER'S
COLORIZED CLASSICS.
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146. NOW, THE COLORIZATION
OF THESE FILMS MAY NOT AGREE WITH SOME PEOPLE'S ARTISTIC—
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147. SENSIBILITIES.
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148. BUT THEY'RE MINE,
AND I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT WITH THEM.
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149. NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH.
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150. HELL, I JUST FOUND A WAY
TO ADD EVEN MORE COLOR...
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151. AS YOU'LL SEE
IN TONIGHT'S FILM, CASABLANCA.
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152. IN THE WORLD, SHE HAD TO BRING HER BIG BUTT INTO MINE.
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153. I REALLY LOVED HER, YOU KNOW.
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154. AND WHY NOT?
SHE'S THE ONLY WOMAN I EVER MET THAT LOOKED AS GOOD AS ME.
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155. HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU,
MY DARLING.
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156. YO, STEVIE, PLAY IT AGAIN.
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157. THAT'S ALL THE TIME
WE HAVE TONIGHT.
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158. FOR CITIZEN KANE, STARRING JIMMY WALKER.
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159. I THINK YOU'LL AGREE.
IT'S DY-NO-MITE.
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160. I'M LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE
TED TURNER. GOOD NIGHT.
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161. SO LOOK HERE, MAN.
THE MERCEDES HAS TO BE BACK BY MIDNIGHT.
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162. SO, WHAT WE GONNA DO?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN. I PASSED OUT ALL THE FAKE BUSINESS CARDS.
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163. WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS, MAN.
SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
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164. BUT, YO, MAN,
I AIN'T TAKING THE FRIEND.
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165. THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GOTTA BE.
YOU KNOW I'M THE ONE WHO ALWAYS MAKES THE FIRST MOVE.
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166. WITH THE LEFTOVERS. NOT THIS TIME, MAN.
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167. WHY NOT?
YO, THAT GIRL'S UGLY, MAN.
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168. - THAT'S THE BEST KIND.
- WHAT?
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169. I SAID THE UGLY ONE'S
THE BEST KIND, MAN. THEY DON'T ASK FOR MUCH.
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170. IS TEETH AND HAIR. THAT'S ALL THEY WANT.
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171. THAT'S RIGHT.
AND IF THEY LEAVE YOU, YOU AIN'T DEPRESSED.
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172. YOU AIN'T THINKIN' NOTHIN'
ABOUT 'EM, YOU KNOW? RIGHT.
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173. PRETTY GIRLS, SEE,
THEY WANT ALL YOUR MONEY. THAT'S RIGHT.
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174. NEVER TRUST A BIG BUTT WHEN IT SMILE.
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175. THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S THE DAY YOU POISONED. ♪
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176. ABOUT WOMEN, MAN?
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177. SHOOT, I BEEN MARRIED
SEVEN TIMES, SON. LET ME TELL YOU.
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178. THAT'S RIGHT,
ALL OF THEM UGLY. THAT'S RIGHT.
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179. SO UGLY I TOOK HER DOWN TO THE WAX MUSEUM OF HORROR.
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180. THE MAN SAID,
"PLEASE DON'T LET HER MOVE UNTIL WE DO INVENTORY."
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181. HEY, OLD MAN,
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182. AROUND HERE WHERE WE CAN GET SOMETHING TO EAT?
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183. YOUR DADDY'S OLD.
YOU BETTER WATCH IT NOW.
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184. SORRY. I MEAN, SIR,
WHERE CAN WE FIND A NICE PLACE TO EAT AROUND HERE?
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185. WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT DEPENDS ON
WHAT YOU'RE IN THE MOOD FOR.
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186. NOW, IF YOU WANT CHINESE FOOD,
I GUESS THE BEST PLACE TO GO IS DOWN TO CHIN WANGS...
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187. JEFFERSON AND CENTRAL.
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188. IT'S PRETTY GOOD CHINESE FOOD.
BUT I DON'T TRUST EM, YOU KNOW?
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189. THEY OPEN 24 HOURS, MAN.
NEVER TAKE OUT NO GARBAGE, YOU KNOW?
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190. HOW'S SOMEWHERE
GONNA BE OPEN 24 HOURS AND NEVER TAKE OUT NO GARBAGE?
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191. SOMETHIN' AIN'T RIGHT.
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192. ALL RIGHT, MAN,
WE TAKE THE FREAKS TO GET SOME CHINESE FOOD, MAN.
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193. THAT AIN'T THE MOVE.
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194. IT'S BAD. DON'T TAKE YOUR GIRL
ON THE FIRST DATE TO GET CHINESE FOOD, MAN.
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195. THAT M.S.G. WILL GIVE HER GAS.
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196. WHAT ABOUT SOME CHICKEN?
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197. OH, SHUCKS. YOU SAID
THE MAGIC WORD NOW. YOU TALKIN' ABOUT THE YARD BIRD, HUH?
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198. OH, I KNOW ABOUT CHICKEN.
RIGHT, I KNOW ABOUT SOME CHICKEN. THAT'S RIGHT.
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199. MM-HMM. YOU CAN'T GET NO CHICKEN
THIS TIME OF NIGHT, THOUGH. WATCH OUT FOR THE DOOR, SON.
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200. WHY?
LOOK, YOU'D BETTER MOVE RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
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201. WHAT?
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202. THEY PLAY MILLI VANILLI.
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203. TAKE IT EASY, BUDDY.
I'LL BE YOUR BUDDY WHEN YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE CAN, SON.
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204. HEY, BUDDY, HOW YOU DOIN'?
RIGHT. TELL YOUR FRIEND I SAID GO TO HELL.
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205. YOU AIN'T GONNA
WASH YOUR HANDS?
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206. NEVER MIND.
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207. AND NOW,
PUBLIC ACCESS TELEVISION PRESENTS MEN ON BOOKS.
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208. HELLO, I'M BLAYNE EDWARDS.
AND I'M ANTOINE MERRIWETHER.
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209. AND WELCOME TO MEN ON BOOKS.
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210. AT GREAT LITERATURE FROM THE PAST AND PRESENT.
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211. FROM A MALE POINT OF VIEW.
MM-HMM.
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212. A NEW SPONSOR.
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213. YES, AND I'M TICKLED PINK.
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214. TO YOU BY WANG.
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215. DON'T THEY MAKE COMPUTERS?
MM-HMM.
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216. CALLED ROBINSON CRUSOE.
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217. IT'S ALL ABOUT
A STORY OF A WHITE MAN...
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218. STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND,
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219. A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP...
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220. WITH A VIRILE,
YET SUBMISSIVE BLACK MAN.
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221. THE AUTHOR IS DANIEL DEFOE.
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222. NOW IF HE'S ANYTHING LIKE
THAT CUTE LITTLE WILLEM DAFOE,
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223. I'LL BE HIS FRIDAY,
SATURDAY AND SUNDAY.
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224. HEAR, HEAR.
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225. OUR NEXT BOOK IS LITTLE WOMEN.
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226. HATED IT.
HATED IT.
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227. THERE'S LITTLE MEN.
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228. HATED IT.
HATED IT.
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229. THEN WE HAVE ROUGHING IT.
IT'S A HAPPY TALE.
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230. YES, THIS IS A STORY
ABOUT MEN ROMPING THROUGH THE WILDERNESS...
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231. WAS STILL OPEN TO EXPLORATION.
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232. LANGHORNE CLEMENS,
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233. AS MARK TWAIN.
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234. YOU KNOW, IF I EVER HAD A SON,
I'D LOVE TO NAME HIM LANGHORNE.
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235. IF YOU EVER HAVE A SON,
I'LL GROW ALL MY HAIR BACK.
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236. OH, YOU GONNA MAKE ME
READ YOU ON PUBLIC ACCESS.
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237. DON'T GET MAD.
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238. LOOK, I KNOW WHO I AM. DO YOU?
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239. COME ON, SHOW ME
THEM LITTLE PEARLIES.
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240. NOW, THAT'S
THE 'TOINE I KNOW.
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241. NOW WE'RE COMING
TO THE LAST BOOK,
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242. MY PERSONAL FAVORITE.
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243. THIS ONE'S CALLED MOBY DICK.
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244. OPEN THE PORTHOLES,
THERE'S A MAN OVERBOARD!
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245. JUST THINKIN' ABOUT THAT BIG MR. MOBY.
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246. UH, RED LIGHT.
UH, EXCUSE ME. MR. MOBY IS A WHALE.
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247. I BET HE IS.
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248. THE YET-UNHEARD-OF ZORRO SNAP.
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249. IN "Z" FORMATION.
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250. YOU KNOW, I REALLY GOT
WRAPPED UP IN THIS STORY OF MEN OUT ON THE OPEN SEA,
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251. DANGER LURKIN'
AROUND EVERY CORNER.
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252. IN THEM TINY LITTLE CABINS.
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253. TO HOIST MY SAIL AND SHOVE OFF WITH THEM.
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254. ME, TOO. I'D PAY TOP DOLLAR
JUST TO BE A STOW AWAY IN THAT STORY.
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255. OH, DITTO. WELL, THAT'S
OUR SHOW FOR TONIGHT.
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256. YES, JOIN US NEXT TIME
WHEN WE'LL BE REVIEWING SOME OF DICKENS.
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257. YES, WE'LL BE TALKIN'
ABOUT THE CLASSIC A TALE OF TWO CITIES.
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258. IS SAN FRANCISCO. ME TOO.
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259. BYE-BYE.
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260. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
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261. WELL, ONCE AGAIN, WE WANT
TO THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.
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262. HEY, ROLLO,
TELL THEM WHAT TO DO. WHO ASKIN'?
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263. KEENEN.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL SEE Y'ALL NEXT WEEK.
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264. PEACE.
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