1. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
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2. [ Audience Applauding,
Cheering ]
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3. YO!
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4. THANK YOU.
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5. WELCOME TO IN LIVING COLOR.
I'M KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.
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6. [ Audience Cheering,
Applauding ] YEAH!
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7. FOR YOU TONIGHT.
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8. AS USUAL, I LIKE TO
START THE SHOW BY INTRODUCING MY FLY GIRLS.
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9. WITH MICHELLE, CARI, CARRIE ANN, LISA AND DEIDRE.
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10. YEAH! GIVE IT UP!
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11. AND TO MY D.J., S.W. ON—
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12. WHOO, WHOO, WHOO.
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13. - WHO ARE YOU, MAN?
- BARRY.
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14. YO, SHAWN SAID
IT WAS COOL.
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15. SHAWN!
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16. YO, KEEN,
HE'S STUPID!
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17. WAIT. STOP, STOP, STOP.
WHAT'S UP WITH D.J. EXTRA LARGE HERE?
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18. HE'S STUPID, MAN.
HE GAVE US LAKER TICKETS IF HE COULD D.J. FOR THE SHOW.
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19. SO WE GOIN' TO
THE LAKER GAME TONIGHT.
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20. WE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.
LET ME TALK TO YOU.
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21. THIS SUMMER,
TOUCHTONE PICTURES...
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22. THE SEQUEL ALL AMERICA HAS BEEN WAITING FOR—
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23. YEAH, HELLO.
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24. IS THIS BUSTER DOUGLAS?
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25. YEAH, WELL, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT WHO IT IS.
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26. YEAH.
IT'S A "UNANIMOUS" CALLER.
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27. I'M JUST A FAN
WHO'S A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR CAREER RIGHT NOW.
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28. YOU HAD WITH MIKE TYSON. YOU BEAT HIM PRETTY BAD.
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29. YOU KNOW, I THINK
YOU SHOULD FIGHT HIM AGAIN.
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30. YEAH, LIKE TOMORROW.
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31. WHAT?
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32. ALL RIGHT, SO IT'S ME.
YEAH, SO WHAT?
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33. HOW'D YOU KNOW?
I DISGUISED MY VOICE.
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34. LOOK, COME ON, BUSTER.
YOU GONNA FIGHT ME OR WHAT?
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35. AW, PLEASE?
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36. COME ON,
IT'S NOT GOIN' TOO GOOD WITH THE BROADS, MAN.
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37. WELL, JUST LOAN ME THE BELT
FOR THE WEEKEND.
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38. OKAY, FINE.
I'M GIVIN' ROBIN'S MOTHER YOUR NUMBER.
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39. OH, QUIET.
I COULD STILL WHIP THE BOTH OF YA.
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40. 'CAUSE I'M THE GREATEST
OF ALL TIMES!
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41. FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY,
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42. STING LIKE A TREE— NO.
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43. BEE. NO, THAT AIN'T IT.
FLOAT LIKE A, UH—
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44. UH, MUHAMMAD, I BELIEVE IT'S,
"FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY...
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45. STING LIKE A BEE."
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46. OH, YEAH.
YEAH, THANKS, SUGAR. THAT'S RIGHT.
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47. FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFINGER,
STINK LIKE A BEAN. YEAH.
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48. OH!
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49. ROUND EIGHT.
ROPE-A-DOPE.
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50. PRETTY FUNNY, ALI.
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51. I'LL GET THE DOOR.
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52. ROUND OVER.
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53. OH, WOW.
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54. IT'S A BABY!
WHO ORDERED THE BABY?
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55. WITH PEPPERONI?
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56. HEY.
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57. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHOSE BABY IS THIS?
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58. WELL, HE'S ABOUT
YOUR SIZE, SUGAR.
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59. YEAH, BUT IT TALKS
LIKE YOU...
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60. LIKE ALI.
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61. THERE'S A NOTE.
LET'S READ IT.
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62. LET'S SEE
WHAT THIS NOTE SAYS.
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63. I DON'T KNOW. YOU?
I CAN'T READ IT.
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64. UH, "DEAR CHAMP, REMEMBER
YOUR NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY?
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65. WELL, HERE'S YOUR BABY."
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66. WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE,
IT SAID "CHAMP."
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67. ANY ONE OF US.
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68. THAT PARTY, YOU KNOW.
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69. WELL, I-IT'S SIGNED
"JUDY."
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70. OHH! JUDY! YEAH.
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71. WELL, MAYBE
WE SHOULD TAKE TURNS WITH THE BABY TOO.
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72.
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73. U-UH, I THINK
HE'S HUNGRY!
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74. WITH THE BABY? GIVE HIM A BOTTLE.
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75. SOMETHIN'
FOR THE BABY.
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76. ALL RIGHT, LITTLE BABY,
JUST SWISH IT AROUND IN YOUR MOUTH AND SPIT IT OUT.
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77. YOU'LL GET CRAMPS.
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78. YEAH, ALL RIGHT, CHAMP,
COME ON.
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79. SWISH IT AROUND. SWISH.
NOW SPIT!
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80. THERE YOU GO.
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81. THERE YOU GO.
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82. HE'S STILL CRYIN'.
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83. UH, MAYBE WE SHOULD
CHANGE HIS DIAPER OR SOMETHIN'.
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84. LET'S TRY THAT.
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85. OH, WOW! LOOKS LIKE
THE LITTLE FELLA HAD A PRETTY BAD ACCIDENT.
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86. NO, MICHAEL,
IT'S A GIRL.
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87. OHH!
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88. THAT'S IT.
I'LL HANDLE THIS.
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89. COME ON, LITTLE GIRL.
IT'S THE SUGAR. LOOK CLOSE NOW.
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90. IN ALL YOUR LIFE,
YOU'LL NEVER LAY EYES ON A MORE BEAUTIFUL MAN.
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91.
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92. PRETTY FUNNY.
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93. OH, WAIT.
WE GOTTA FINISH THIS.
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94. UM, GET SOME POWDER.
I HEAR BABIES CAN GET RASHES.
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95. D-DID YOU SAY SOMETHIN'
ABOUT ROACHES?
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96. I DON'T WANT THIS BABY
LIVIN' WITH ROACHES.
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97. HI. IT'S ME, MUHAMMAD ALI.
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98. Z-CON ROACH SPRAY,
THE MOST POWERFUL SPRAY IN THE WORLD.
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99. I SAID "RASHES,"
NOT "ROACHES," ALI. OH.
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100. COME ON, GUYS,
DO SOMETHIN'. SHE'S CRYIN'.
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101. WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
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102. OF TOMMY HEARNS.
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103. OKAY, BABY,
THIS IS AN IMPRESSION OF TOMMY HEARNS...
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104. OF OUR FIRST FIGHT.
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105. SHE LIKED THAT!
SHE LIKED IT!
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106. SHE LIKED IT.
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107. ALL RIGHT,
LET'S SING HER TO SLEEP. READY? HIT IT, GUYS.
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108. THREE CHAMPS AND A BABY.
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109. THE UNANIMOUS DECISION... IS COMEDY!
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110.
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111. GREETINGS.
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112. I'M MARGARET LINSFORD-HALL,
AND THIS IS MY INTERPRETER MR. MBUTU.
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113. [ Interpreting
In Naganawanese ]
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114. MARGARET LINSFORD-HALL—
BUNG-TANGA-NDOSILLEH!
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115. TO APPOINT ME AMBASSADOR...
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116. TO YOUR LITTLE NATION...
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117. SENDING ME TO MAJORCA, AS I HAD EXPECTED.
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118.
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119. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT,
BASED ON THE BRIEFING I RECEIVED IN WASHINGTON,
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120. REALLY RATHER QUAINT,
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121. SORT OF WAY.
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122.
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123. UH, WE HAVE MUCH
TO OFFER YOUR COUNTRY...
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124. AGRICULTURAL ASSISTANCE AND HUNGER RELIEF.
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125.
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126. I-I'M VERY SORRY THAT
I DON'T SPEAK YOUR LANGUAGE,
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127. BUT MR. MBUTU HAS BEEN
SO KIND AS TO TEACH ME A PHRASE TO CLOSE WITH.
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128. UM—
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129. JUM-BAKOO, BARE BOOTY...
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130. CUM BWEE-BWEE...
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131. UH, BANGO-BANGO.
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132.
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133. MAY I GET YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK WHILE YOU WAIT?
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134. YEAH. I'D LIKE TO UNWIND.
COULD YOU GET ME A CHABLIS?
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135. BLIND DATE, MONSIEUR?
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136. YEAH.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?
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137. WHEN YOU ARE FRENCH,
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138. YOU CAN JUST TELL.
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139. YOU KNOW, IT'S GETTING HARD
TO CLIMB THE CORPORATE LADDER BEING SINGLE.
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140. THE PROPER WIFE...
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141. IS IMPORTANT TO ONE'S
PROFESSIONAL IMAGE IN THE BUSINESS WORLD.
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142. OUI. OUI.
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143. THE DATING SERVICE I'M WITH
SAYS THIS GIRL IS ONE HELL OF A CATCH.
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144. INDEPENDENT, STRONG,
EXCITING, WELL-TRAVELED.
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145. I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD
TO MEETING HER.
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146.
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147. YOU MUST BE HARVEY.
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148. I'M GRACE JONES.
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149. HI.
HARVEY BENNETT.
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150. DO YOU THINK I'M SEXY?
UM—
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151. I SAID,
DO YOU FIND ME SEXY?
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152.
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153. YES! EXTREMELY!
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154. I THOUGHT SO.
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155. MAY I GET YOU SOMETHING,
MONSIEUR?
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156. I MEAN, MADAME.
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157. I'M IN THE MOOD FOR SEAFOOD.
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158. AH, WELL, TONIGHT'S MENU
HAS SAUTÉED OYSTERS,
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159. DEEP-FRIED SHRIMP...
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160. AND THE SPECIAL OF THE DAY,
A SHELEKETEPELETOIS FOR TWO...
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161. LE-LE-LE-LE ON THE SIDE.
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162. I WANT ALLIGATOR.
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163. ALLIGATOR?
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164. TO COOK... ALLIGATOR.
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165. I LIKE IT RAW!
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166. - GOOD LUCK, MONSIEUR.
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167. UH—
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168. UH, GRACE, WHAT DO YOU LIKE
TO DO WITH YOUR SPARE TIME?
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169. I LIKE TO CHEW GLASS,
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170. I LIKE TO RIDE SHARKS,
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171. OFF OF GUMMI BEARS.
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172. POUR MADEMOISELLE BUTCH!
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173. ONE MINUTE, HARVEY.
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174. STAND BACK,
YOU WEAKLING!
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175.
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176.
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177. WAITER! CHECK, PLEASE!
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178. OF MY TAIL, HARVEY?
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179. NO, THANK YOU, GRACE.
I'VE GOT TO BE RUNNING. I'VE GOT A FAX COMING INTO THE OFFICE.
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180. IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME.
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181. IT'S A REAL
IMPORTANT FAX.
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182. THE FUN IS
JUST ABOUT TO BEGIN.
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183. MY SHRUNKEN HEAD COLLECTION, HARVEY!
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184. OH, NO— AAH!
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185.
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186. ARE YOU OVERWEIGHT?
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187. DIET AND EXERCISE PROGRAMS,
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188. ONLY TO FAIL MISERABLY?
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189. THEN GIVE IT UP!
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190. IT'S TIME YOU ACCEPT YOURSELF
FOR WHO YOU ARE.
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191. WE ACCEPT THE REAL YOU...
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192. CONDOMINIUM ESTATES.
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193. HEFTY WORLD ACCEPTS YOU...
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194. BECAUSE IT'S
A SPECIALLY DESIGNED CONDOMINIUM COMMUNITY...
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195. JUST FOR PLUMP,
OR "HUSKY" PEOPLE.
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196. THE SECOND YOU ARRIVE,
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197. OUR 24-HOUR FORKLIFT SERVICE
PICKS YOU UP AND WHISKS YOU HOME,
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198. ROLL YOU UP THE REINFORCED RAMP...
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199. ENTRANCE WAY.
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200. NEED A SHOWER?
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201. ATTENDANTS ARE THERE AGAIN TO HOSE YOU DOWN...
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202. THOSE HARD-TO-REACH PLACES.
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203. HOW LITTLE YOU EAT, YOU'LL STILL GAIN WEIGHT,
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204. SO WE ENCOURAGE YOU.
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205. CONGRATULATIONS, MR. STEVENS.
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206. ANOTHER 40 POUNDS!
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207. YOU'LL HAVE LESS AND LESS ENERGY,
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208. BUT YOU'LL LEARN
TO DEPEND ON US TO HELP YOU...
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209. RECREATIONAL NEEDS. ONE, TWO, ONE, TWO—
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210. ALSO, BECAUSE MR. STOMACH
SOMETIMES FEELS A LITTLE... GRUMBLY,
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211. THESE EMERGENCY FOOD STATIONS EVERY 50 FEET...
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212. ALONG MAJOR STREETS.
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213. SO TRY OUT HEFTY WORLD.
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214. WE KNOW THE LONGER YOU STAY,
THE HARDER IT WILL BE FOR YOU TO LEAVE.
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215. YO, YO, YO, WHAZZUP,
ALL YOU BAD-BOY BARGAIN HUNTERS?
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216. IT'S TIME FOR
THE HOMEBOY USED CAR SALE.
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217. I'M WHIZ.
THIS IS THE ICEMAN. CHILLIN'.
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218. YO, WE GOT
ALL TYPE OF CARS FOR YOU TO CHOOSE FROM.
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219. OF THEM!
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220. BATTING NEXT, KIRK GIBSON!
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221. YO, CHECK OUT
THIS LOVEY-DOVEY RIGHT HERE.
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222. TELL 'EM
WHAT IT GOT. YO, IT GOT EVERYTHING.
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223. IT GOT MAG WHEELS ON IT.
IT GOT A BOSE SYSTEM IN IT.
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224. IT GOT A C.D. PLAYER
IN IT! YO!
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225. YO, YOU COULD PULL
ALL THE HONEYS IN THIS.
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226. - WANNA KEEP IT?
- YEAH.
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227. I'M SORRY, CUSTOMERS,
THIS WAS MERELY A DISPLAY ITEM.
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228. BUT DON'T YOU FRET NONE
'CAUSE WE GOT SOME 'NOTHER STUFF OVER HERE.
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229. LOVEY-DOVEY TENDERONI.
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230. YO, IT GOT
A TELEPHONE IN IT. YO, WHIZ!
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231. WHAT?
I'M GOIN' CRAZY.
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232. DON'T DO THAT!
I'M GOIN' CRAZY!
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233. HE'S SLASHIN' PRICES!
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234. IN HALF!
FORTY-NINE DOLLARS!
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235. YO, AND IF YOU ACT NOW,
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236. OF GARBAGE WITH THE BIRD DOO-DOO ON IT FOR FREE.
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237. YO, GIVE 'EM THE NUMBER.
OKAY, HOLD UP.
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238. THE NUMBER IS:
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239. REMEMBER, WE'RE WILLING
TO WORK WITH YOU. THAT'S RIGHT.
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240. - NO JOB?
- NO PROBLEM.
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241. - NO CREDIT?
- NO PROBLEM.
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242. - NO MONEY?
- PROBLEM.
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243. A STRICTLY CASH-TYPE BASIS.
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244. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN'.
SUPPOSE I GOT A FAMILY.
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245. DOWN HERE.
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246. TALK ABOUT SPACIOUS!
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247. SO WHETHER IT'S
A FAMILY OUTING...
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248. OR JUST SNEAKIN'
A FEW FRIENDS ACROSS THE BORDER—
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249. YO, THIS BABY
SEATS 60.
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250. THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY SPECIAL.
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251. AND IF YOU HURRY NOW,
WE'LL EVEN PERSONALIZE IT FOR YOU.
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252. UH-OH. YO, IT'S THE BOTTOM
OF THE EIGHTH. WE ALMOST OUTTA HERE.
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253. BUT DON'T WORRY.
IF YOU DON'T CATCH US HERE—
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254. WE'RE GONNA HAVE ANOTHER SALE
AT THE FORUM DURING THE LUTHER VANDROSS CONCERT.
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255. SAYIN'... PEACE!
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256. ♪ OHHHH ♪
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257. CRISSY!
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258. HUH?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
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259. I'M SITTING AND WAITING
AND BEING QUIET.
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260. AND NOW,
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261. IT'S TIME FOR...
BLACK WORLD!
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262. YEA!
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263. AND IN BLACK WORLD,
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264. HAVE THE MONEY,
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265. DOESN'T HAVE TO, UM,
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266. AND CLEAN UP LATE AT NIGHT...
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267. AND WAIT AND BE QUIET.
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268. A-AND THEN YOU'RE SLEEPY.
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269. AND THEN,
WHEN YOU GO TO SCHOOL, UM, IT'S NO RATS IN THE CORNER.
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270. AND NO MICE EITHER.
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271. AND THE BOOKS ARE BRAND-NEW,
AND THEY HAVE PICTURES OF BLACK PEOPLE IN 'EM.
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272. OH, AND ALL YOUR DOLLS
ARE BLACK.
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273. AND NOT NO
BLACK BARBIE EITHER,
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274. WITH BLACK PEOPLE HAIR AND A BLACK NOSE.
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275. AND HER NAME IS, UM—
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276. AND HER NAME IS LAWANDA.
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277. AND— AND— OH—
OH, AND WHEN YOU GO TO THE STORE,
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278. UM, THE WHITE PEOPLE
DON'T FOLLOW YOU AROUND...
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279. AND ASK YOU IF YOU HAVE MONEY,
LIKE THEY KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY...
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280. 'CAUSE YOUR MOTHER
DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANY MONEY 'CAUSE SHE NOT HAVE ANY MONEY.
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281. AND THEN— 'CAUSE
THEY NOT THERE ANYWAY.
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282. 'CAUSE THE BLACK PEOPLE
OWN THE STORES, AND THEY ARE NICE TO YOU.
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283. AND THE WHITE PEOPLE,
TH-THEY—
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284. I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE.
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285. BACK IN WHITE WORLD.
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286. BUT, UM— OH! OH!
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287. A-AND IN BLACK WORLD,
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288. THE PRESIDENT IS...
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289. THE BOYZ!
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290. YEA! YEAH!
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291. AND— NO— NO— AND, UM—
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292. AND JUST— NO, OKAY—
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293. IS THE KING! YEA!
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294. OH! OH! SHH.
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295. FOR YOU TODAY.
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296. HERE WE HAVE—
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297. IT'S— YES.
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298. IT'S THE QUEEN
OF BLACK WORLD.
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299. YEA!
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300. YES, AND I WANT TO SAY...
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301. I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE...
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302. BECAUSE WE ARE CELEBRATING...
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303. THAT SOUTH AFRICA IS FREE!
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304. YEA, AND 'CAUSE WE ARE
GOING TO RELEASE...
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305. ALL OF THE
POLITICAL PRISONERS,
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306. STARTING WITH, UM,
THE GREAT NELSON MANDELA.
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307. YEA! UM—
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308. AND, UM, AND...
THE GREAT—
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309. OH! OKAY.
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310. JAMES BROWN! YEA!
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311. YEA! YEA!
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312. CRISSY! H-H-HUH?
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313. DOING?
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314. SHH!
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315. NOTHING.
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316. WELL,
COME ON, THEN!
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317. OKAY.
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318.
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319. [ Audience Applauding,
Cheering ]
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320. THANK YOU.
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321. A GOOD TIME TONIGHT.
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322. WE ENJOYED OURSELVES.
WE HAD A GOOD TIME.
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323. FLY GIRLS,
TELL 'EM WHAT TO DO.
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324. SEE YA NEXT WEEK!
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