In Living Color 1x4

Directed by

"Men on Art"; Anton "entertains" a subway audience; parodies of Oprah and Billy Dee Williams.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.

2. WON'T BE HERE TONIGHT. UH, UNFORTUNATELY KEENEN'S A LITTLE TIED UP RIGHT NOW.

3. BUT HE DID ASK ME TO HOST THE SHOW FOR HIM.

4. LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF.

5. MY NAME IS SHAWN WAYANS, BETTER KNOWN AS D.J. S.W. ONE.

6. I'M THE SECOND YOUNGEST AND PROBABLY MOST TALENTED ONE...

7. IN THE WAYANS FAMILY.

8. OPEN THE DOOR! BECAUSE OF THAT, THERE'S GONNA BE A COUPLE CHANGES.

9. PAUL? YEAH, SHAWN?

10. YOU'RE FIRED, MAN. LISA, BABY, YOU'RE GONNA BE MY NEW DIRECTOR.

11. SHAWN? DEIDRE, I WANT YOU TO BE MY NEW PERSONAL ASSISTANT.

12. I COULD SING. OPEN THE DOOR NOW!

13. HEY, BABY, NOT NOW. NEXT TIME IT'S GONNA BE ABOUT Y'ALL.

14. NOT RIGHT NOW. LET ME HOST THE SHOW.

15. UH, I'D LIKE TO GET ON WITH THE SHOW. PLEASE, CAN I HAVE A SPOTLIGHT?

16. NO, NOT ON THEM. JUST ON ME.

17. SHAWN, I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!

18. TONIGHT THERE'S NOT GONNA BE ANY SKETCHES. JUST GONNA BE A ONE-MAN SHOW.

19. AND I'D LIKE TO START OFF WITH MY FAVORITE IMPRESSION.

20. THIS ONE KILLS ME!

21. BILL COSBY!

22. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. OH, COME ON, MAN!

23. HELLO!

24. HELLO.

25. IF THE MAN THAT YOU WERE LIVIN' WITH...

26. AND SUPPORTIN' FOR FIVE LONG YEARS...

27. EVERY TIME YOU MENTIONED THE WORD "MARRIAGE"?

28. ARE TWO COUPLES...

29. WHO ARE HAVIN' THAT SAME EXACT PROBLEM.

30. SAY HELLO, IF YOU WILL, TO MARY STEWART.

31. [ Audience Applauding, Cheering ]

32. HOLD THE APPLAUSE TILL I FINISH, PLEASE.

33. HER MALE OPPRESSOR, ROLLO WELLS.

34.

35. JENNIFER KENT...

36. FOR A MAN, DARYL TILLS.

37.

38. NOW, MARY, YOU SAID...

39. SHOWED UP TO YOUR WEDDING...

40. AND THEN DIDN'T GO THROUGH WITH THE VOWS AT THE LAST MOMENT?

41. OPRAH, I WAS TOTALLY HUMILIATED! MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

42. I MEAN, LOOK AT HIM. MM-HMM.

43. ONLY TO TAKE BACK HIS FUNKY RING.

44. THAT'S THE ONLY REASON WHY HE CAME.

45. WHAT REALLY HAPPENED. SHUT UP!

46. DON'T INTERRUPT THE GIRL.

47. THANK YOU. WELL, I COULD HAVE DIED. OH, GIRL.

48. MY WHOLE FAMILY WAS THERE. THEY NEVER EVEN BELIEVED I WAS GONNA GET MARRIED.

49. I HAD A NEW DRESS. IT WAS AWFUL. OH, GIRL!

50. I KNOW. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. I HAD MY NAILS DONE.

51. I KNOW JUST WHAT YOU MEAN. YOU KNOW, ME AND STEADMAN BROKE UP.

52. DID YOU? MM-HMM. YEAH.

53. GIRL, HE SAID THAT HE CAN'T COMMIT TO MARRIAGE. I KNOW.

54. HE SAID THAT HE'S NOT READY TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH ME.

55. SPEND MY MONEY, THOUGH.

56. ROLLO, WHY DID YOU WALK OUT ON HER?

57. WHO'S ASKING? JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!

58. WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN WE FIRST GOT—

59. WHEN WE FIRST MET. I FOUND OUT SHE GOT SIX KIDS.

60. SO? SO?

61. ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO PURE FOR YOU MEN?

62. HMM?

63. ARE BIGGER THAN ME.

64. SHE GOT A SON LOOK LIKE ERIC DICKERSON.

65. JENNIFER, MY GIRLFRIEND,

66. YOU'VE BEEN WITH THIS MAN FOR EIGHT LONG YEARS.

67. GONNA HANG AROUND?

68. WELL, IT'S HARD WHEN YOU PUT A RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER.

69. YOU PUT ALL OF YOUR TIME INTO IT. IT'S OKAY. I DON'T MIND.

70. IN OTHER WORDS, HOMEBOY IS STILL THROWING DOWN IN THE BEDROOM.

71. UH, YEAH, ACTUALLY.

72. DARYL, DO YOU EVER PLAN ON MARRYING GIRLFRIEND OVER HERE?

73. UH, WELL, OKAY. NOW, LIKE, TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, THAT'S A YES AND A NO.

74. MM-HMM. SEE, LIKE, I'M WITH HER NOW,

75. TO BE FREE AND EASY, CASE SOMETHING BETTER COME ALONG.

76. ON MY SHOW.

77. WHAT DID I SAY? CALLER! CALLER! CALLER, YOU SAY WHAT?

78. YES, OPRAH, I JUST WANNA SAY THAT EVERY TIME I SEE—

79. IS THAT YOU, WILLIE? YEAH. ROLLO, IS THAT YOU? I JUST HIT THE NUMBER, MAN!

80. YOU JUST HIT THE NUMBER? YEAH!

81. MAN, CONGRATULATIONS. I GUESS YOU CAN BRING ME MY SEVEN DOLLARS NOW.

82. DARYL, DON'T YOU THINK IT'S EVER GONNA BE TOO LATE?

83. - WHAT ABOUT CHILDREN? - NOW, LOOK HERE, OPRAH.

84. TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, THAT'S A YES AND A NO ON THEM CHILDREN.

85. AS YOU KNOW, A MAN REMAINS FERTILE UNTIL HIS LATE 60s.

86. ANOTHER 31 YEARS TO SPREAD MY SEED, RIGHT, FELLAS?

87. NO, BUT I WAS FIGURING, LIKE, SHE COULD DROP THAT CALF WHEN SHE ABOUT 45 OR 50.

88. AIN'T THAT RIGHT, BABY? THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.

89. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU WERE THINKING. LET ME TELL YOU WHAT YOU WERE THINKING.

90. WOULD LEAVE HER SITTIN' HOME BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT...

91. WHILE YOU GO OUT HANGIN' OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS, HANGIN' OUT IN MY CONDO ON LAKESHORE DRIVE,

92. EATIN' AT MY RESTAURANT, SPENDIN' ALL MY MONEY!

93. THAT'S WHAT YOU THOUGHT! THAT'S WHAT YOU THOUGHT!

94. DO YOU HEAR ME?

95. FOOD IS MY LOVER! FOOD IS MY FRIEND!

96. WHERE ARE MY OREOS? AAH! AAH!

97. OHH! OHH, OREOS!

98.

99. YOU'RE MIGHTY CHIPPER THIS MORNING. WHY SHOULDN'T I BE?

100. GOT MY OLD JOB BACK. AH, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET BACK OUT TO SEA.

101. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. I MADE YOU A BIG BREAKFAST.

102. DIG IN. GREAT!

103. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW, IT'S WONDERFUL THE WAY YOU STUCK BY ME THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING.

104. I STUCK BY YOU, SAM, BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN YOU.

105. I KNOW YOU. WELL, THEY MADE YOU OUT TO LOOK LIKE SUCH A KLUTZ.

106. SUCH A MORON. THE MEDIA REALLY TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU.

107. AFTER ALL, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT THAT YOUR TANKER HIT THAT REEF...

108. AND LEAKED ALL THAT OIL.

109. JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE THE CAPTAIN DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE...

110. THAT HAPPENS TO YOUR SHIP.

111. DID START LEAKING,

112. WELL, THE COMPANY DID JUST WHAT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO DO—

113. A CONTAINMENT BOOM.

114. THAT'S WHAT ANY RATIONAL GROUP WOULD DO.

115. TO KNOW THE SPILL WAS TOO BIG TO BE CONTAINED?

116. WHAT THEY THOUGHT WAS RIGHT.

117. THE NEXT LOGICAL THING. WHAT WAS THAT?

118. ON THE SPILL TO SOAK IT UP.

119. ARE YOU OKAY, HONEY? YEAH. JUST GETTIN' THE COFFEE.

120. YEAH, THAT ABSORBENT MATERIAL WAS A GREAT IDEA.

121. A BIGGER MESS.

122. WHEN THEY DECIDED TO BURN IT OFF.

123. THAT WAS BRILLIANT.

124. SOMETIMES THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT'LL WORK.

125. IT'S THE CLEANSING POWER OF FLAME.

126. WHAT YOU CAN...

127. TAKE CARE OF THE REST THROUGH EVAPORATION.

128. HELL'S BELLS, IN A HUNDRED YEARS OR SO,

129. THEY'LL NEVER KNOW THERE WAS A SILLY LITTLE SPILL AT ALL.

130. I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, HON. WE DID GOOD.

131. YOU SURE DID. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, SAM.

132. GOODNESS, LOOK AT THE TIME!

133. THERE'S A FRESH TANKER OF CRUDE IN THE HARBOR, MISTER, AND IT'S GOT YOUR NAME ON IT.

134. I LOVE YOU!

135. BYE. DON'T FORGET YOUR LUNCH.

136. OH, YEAH.

137. GOT IT!

138. COMING THIS FALL, IT'S:

139. NOBODY'S PERFECT.

140. HAVE OFTEN FAILED TO GET THE CREDIT DUE THEM...

141. IN THE BUSINESS WORLD.

142. IN 1975, ENTREPRENEUR CALVIN THOMPSON...

143. AT A GAS STATION IN DETROIT.

144. SUNNY AFTERNOON WHEN A CUSTOMER DROVE UP IN A BIG, BLUE SEDAN.

145.

146. HEY, BUDDY, CAN I GET A LITTLE GAS OVER HERE?

147. A MOMENT OF INSPIRATION AND SAID TO THE CUSTOMER—

148. GET IT YOUR DAMN SELF!

149. CALVIN THOMPSON,

150. THE SELF-SERVICE GAS STATION.

151. I'M DAVID ALAN GRIER, AND THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER...

152. IN BLACK HISTORY.

153. DEFINES A TRANSITION...

154. AS "AN INSTANCE OR PROCESS OF CHANGING FROM ONE FORM TO ANOTHER."

155. SO THIS IS ONE TRANSITION.

156. AAH! AAH! AAAH!

157. AND THIS IS ANOTHER.

158.

159. BUT THIS, MY FRIENDS,

160. OF ALL.

161. WAIT TILL THEY GET A LOAD OF ME.

162. JIM IS FABULOUS. HE MUST BE EATIN' GREEN EGGS AND HAM.

163. HEY, I'M DOWNTOWN JULIE BROWN WITH YOU, ROCKIN' IT UPTOWN,

164. AND EVERY PLACE ELSE IN BETWEEN.

165. WE'VE GOT SOME GREAT MUSIC COMING YOUR WAY.

166. LITTLE SNEAKER COMMERCIAL,

167. A LITTLE BEER COMMERCIAL,

168. A LITTLE TREAT FOR YOU.

169. IN HER WORLD PREMIERE VIDEO, "THE RHYTHMLESS NATION."

170. CHECK IT OUT. PUMP IT UP.

171. FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE!

172. HA!

173. ♪ THERE'S MUSIC ON MY SIDE WHICH REALLY HELPS ME HIDE ♪

174.

175.

176.

177. EXCUSE ME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

178. BE ALARMED.

179. SOME SORT OF A SYSTEM MALFUNCTION HERE.

180. MY NAME IS ANTON.

181. I'M A VICTIM OF SOCIETY...

182. AND AN ENTERTAINER.

183. UNTIL THE PROBLEM HAS RESOLVED.

184. ON THERE FOR YOU.

185. RECOGNIZE ME...

186. TELEVISION APPEARANCES.

187. I WAS ON THE 6:00 NEWS LAST NIGHT.

188. YEAH, I WAS THE DUDE IN THE CHOKE HOLD.

189. IS THIS THING ON?

190. I KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS LIKE. YOU WANT TO HEAR SOME IMPRESSIONS?

191. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S ONE.

192. THIS IS ELVIS PRESLEY...

193. IF HE WAS ALIVE TODAY.

194. HEY, GET ME OUTTA HERE! I AIN'T DEAD YET.

195. SOMEBODY DIG ME UP!

196. THE KING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

197. THE KING.

198. NOW, I WOULD LOVE TO PERFORM FOR FREE FOR Y'ALL,

199. BUT THE UNION STIPULATES...

200. COMPENSATION...

201. FOR MY CREATIVE ENDEAVORS.

202. IF WHEN I PASS MY SNEAKER AROUND,

203. YOU WOULD BE SO KIND...

204. AS TO GIVE TO THE CAUSE.

205. 'CAUSE RENT IS DUE.

206. THERE YOU GO. PASS IT DOWN.

207. OH, I KNOW WHAT IT IS. Y'ALL WANNA SEE SOME MORE OF MY TALENT.

208. ALL RIGHT. HOW 'BOUT A SONG?

209. GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

210. MACEO AND THE GANG.

211. LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. I'M GONNA GIVE YOU ANYTHING, MAN.

212. JUST BE QUIET!

213. OH, THANKS, BRO!

214. HEY, BRO, SOUL POWER. SOUL POWER.

215. OH, BEAUT— AH, Y'ALL TOO KIND.

216. OW, THAT HIT ME IN MY HEAD.

217. I'M GETTIN' OFF AT THE NEXT STOP. ME TOO.

218. I'M SORRY, BUT WE WILL BE DELAYED FOR SEVERAL MINUTES.

219. FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

220. OH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE...

221. HAS JUST BEGUN.

222. I'D LIKE TO RECITE A "SOQUILOKEE," IF I CAN.

223. TO BE OR NOT TO BE—

224. THAT ALWAYS CONFUSED ME.

225. ♪ GIVE ME BODY ♪

226. AND NOW, PUBLIC ACCESS TELEVISION PRESENTS...

227. MEN ON ART.

228. HELLO. I'M BLAYNE EDWARDS.

229. AND I'M ANTOINE MERRIWETHER.

230. AND WELCOME TO MEN ON ART.

231. THAT LOOKS AT GREAT ART FROM THE PAST AND PRESENT.

232. POINT OF VIEW.

233. YES, THE FIRST LITTLE PIECE WE'D LIKE TO DISCUSS— DON'T FORGET OUR SPONSOR.

234. WHAT? DON'T FORGET OUR NEW SPONSOR.

235. OH, GOOD GOLLY, MISS MOLLY. THAT'S RIGHT.

236. TONIGHT'S BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY...

237. BEND-GAY.

238. I AIN'T GONNA TOUCH IT.

239. BEN DID. STOP.

240. AS I WAS SAYING, OUR FIRST PIECE WE'RE GONNA DISCUSS...

241. IS REMBRANDT'S THE NIGHT WATCH.

242. MALE BONDING.

243. SEE HOW THEY'RE DRESSED UP WITH THE SWORDS AND ACTING BUTCH, BUT THEY STILL TOGETHER.

244. MM-HMM. HEAR! HEAR!

245. WE'RE GONNA DISCUSS...

246. IS LEONARDO DA VINCI'S MONA LISA.

247. HATED IT!

248. YOU KNOW, WHERE ARE MISS MONA'S EYEBROWS? TELL ME.

249. YES, I THINK SOMEBODY WENT A LITTLE TWEEZER CRAZY.

250. YOU'D BETTER STOP. LOOK WHO'S TALKIN'.

251. DON'T HATE ME 'CAUSE I'M BEAUTIFUL.

252. OVER HERE, THAT'S BOTTICELLI'S BIRTH OF VENUS.

253. HATED IT!

254. ANDY WARHOL'S PORTRAIT OF MARILYN MONROE.

255. OH, I WISH I WAS STILL A BLOND.

256. YEAH, AND DOROTHY WISH SHE COULD GO BACK TO KANSAS.

257. TO DESCRIBE THIS—

258. GOR-GEOUS.

259. I HAVE TO DISAGREE. MARILYN WAS NOTHING BUT A SLUT.

260. I MEAN, TWO KENNEDYS AND A MAFIOSO?

261. THAT TRASH WAS WORKIN' OVERTIME.

262. OH, YOU ARE SO WRONG.

263. THE LAST TRUE DIVA.

264. IN MY NIGHTCLUB ACT, AN EVENING WITH THE STARS.

265. WITH HAIRY LEGS. NOW, DON'T GO THERE.

266. I'M SORRY, 'TOINE.

267. NIGHTCLUB SKITS. DID YOU REALLY LIKE IT?

268. TO LOOK LIKE WHOOPI GOLDBERG IN MY NEXT LIFE.

269. STOP!

270. WELL, OUR NEXT PIECE IS TRULY A WORK OF ART.

271. YES, IT IS. IT'S MICHELANGELO'S STATUE OF DAVID.

272.

273. GASP AND SWOON! I JUST CAUGHT THE VAPORS.

274. NOW, THIS IS ART. YES, IT IS.

275. IS WORKING THAT BOW TIE.

276. YOU KNOW, THAT WAS MY IDEA. YES.

277. WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE THIS ONE TWO SNAPS UP IN A CIRCLE.

278. I MEAN, WHAT POWER, WHAT STRENGTH, WHAT A MAN.

279. MM-HMM. I SEE WHY GOLIATH DROPPED DEAD.

280. STOP. WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE JUST ABOUT OUT OF TIME.

281. JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN WE'LL BE LOOKING AT GAINSBOROUGH'S THE BLUE BOY.

282. AND THIS DAVID AGAIN. YOU BETTER HUSH.

283. BYE. ♪ IT'S RAINING MEN HALLELUJAH ♪

284. THANK YOU.

285. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU FROM ALL OF US HERE ON IN LIVING COLOR.

286. WE'LL SEE Y'ALL NEXT WEEK. PEACE.