In Living Color 1x3

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A beauty-school principal lays down the law; an inner-city Lassie saves Timmy and Mom from disaster; talk-show conversation turns intense.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KEENEN IVORY WAYANS.

4. THANK YOU.

5. THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

6. I'M KEENEN IVORY WAYANS AND WELCOME TO IN LIVING COLOR.

7. WE'VE BEEN HAVING A LOT OF FUN HERE THE PAST FEW WEEKS.

8. SO, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN GETTING, LIKE, A LOT OF LETTERS,

9. MOST ABOUT DOING THE SHOW.

10. IT'S WORKING WITH MY FAMILY.

11. AND I'D LIKE TO START BY INTRODUCING MY BABY BROTHER AND MY D.J.--

12. - S.W. ONE.

13. WHAT YOU DOIN' WITH MY SHOES ON, MAN?

14. THESE AIN'T YOURS.

15. I'M GONNA WEAR THOSE. TAKE THEM OFF, MAN. GIVE ME MY SHOES.

16. OH, COME ON, MAN. THESE AIN'T YOURS. GIMME MY SHOES.

17. TO ME, MAN, ON TV?

18. WHY YOU GO IN MY CLOSET?

19. ALL RIGHT. NOW I WANT TO INTRODUCE MY FLY GIRLS, STARTING OVER HERE...

20. WITH CARI, DEIDRE, MICHELLE,

21. LISA AND CARRIE ANN.

22. YEAH.

23. ALL RIGHT. WE ABOUT TO GET THINGS ROLLING— KEENEN.

24. IT AIN'T FUNNY, MAN. GIMME MY SHIRT.

25. COME ON, MAN. YOU SAID I COULD WEAR IT YESTERDAY.

26. GIVE HIM THE SHIRT, MAN.

27.

28.

29. I TAKE MY CHEST BACK.

30. WE'LL BE IN A MINUTE. LET'S GO.

31. ON FOX THIS FALL, A PRINCIPAL BREATHES NEW LIFE...

32. IN THE UPLIFTING MINISERIES LEAN ON ME, BEAUTIFUL.

33. GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

34. MY NAME IS JOE CLARK.

35. I AM YOUR NEW PRINCIPAL.

36. NOW, WHEN I POINT TO YOU, I WANT YOU TO LINE UP.

37. YOU, YOU, YOU AND YOU AND YOU, LINE UP NOW.

38. EXPEDITIOUSLY.

39. NOW, I WANT ALL OF YOU TO TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT THEM.

40. AT THESE MUTANTS.

41. IN THE CLASS.

42. THEY HAVE NO PLACE HERE.

43. TO YOUR UGLY PARENTS RIGHT NOW.

44. GET ON OUTTA HERE.

45. HURRY UP! MOVE ON!

46. YOU TOO, BUZZARD!

47. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! YOU CAN'T TALK TO MY STUDENTS THIS WAY!

48. I'M GOING TO THE SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENT.

49. WELL, GO ON THEN. AND LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE BIG PUTTY BUTT.

50. WHY, I NEVER!

51. I BET YOU HAVE NOT.

52. NOW, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOU OUT THERE? HUH?

53. GREASE HEAD, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOU?

54. YOU'RE IN A BEAUTY SCHOOL...

55. IS BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO GO TO A REGULAR SCHOOL.

56. THEY'RE RIGHT.

57. BUT WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU, YOU'LL BE THE SMARTEST DUMB PEOPLE OUT THERE.

58. WHAT DO YOU WANT, UGLY? I DON'T WANNA GO!

59.

60. COME WITH ME, BOY.

61. COME HERE!

62. NOW, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN BE A BEAUTICIAN? HUH?

63. YOU CAN GIVE BEAUTY TIPS?

64. LOOK AT YOURSELF. YOU'RE UGLY, BOY. IS YOUR PARENTS UGLY?

65. YEAH. WELL, YOU'RE GONNA GROW UP TO LOOK JUST LIKE 'EM.

66. IF YOU GOT UGLY PARENTS, YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST JUMP OUT THE WINDOW.

67. IN YOUR HAIR? NO.

68. IN YOUR HAIR? YEAH.

69. AND YOU'RE UGLY.

70. THE WORLD DON'T NEED ANOTHER UGLY BOY WITH A BAD PERM.

71. JUST GO ON AND JUMP, SON. OKAY.

72. NOW, WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT? HUH?

73. THE SCHOOL SONG. UH-UH-UH-UH—

74. THE SCHOOL SONG NOW.

75. WE DON'T HAVE A SCHOOL SONG.

76. YOU DON'T HAVE ONE? N-N-NO.

77. THEN MAKE ONE UP. UH-UH-UH—

78. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

79. MR. CLARK,

80. WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO THOSE CHILDREN.

81. CALL YOU "CRAZY JOE."

82. AND A DEMAGOGUE. EXCUSE ME, CHILDREN.

83. FOR A MOMENT? FOLLOW ME.

84. CARRY ON.

85. NOW, HOW DARE YOU TAKE THOSE CHILDREN— DON'T YOU EVER—

86. [ Clark Continues Yelling, Indistinct ]

87. "CRAZY JOE," NOW SHE JUST CALLS ME "BAT MAN."

88. CLEANED UP RIGHT NOW!

89.

90. NO, JOE! JOE, NO, JOE! THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE!

91. YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO COME TO WILFORD BEAUTY SCHOOL.

92. COME TO WILFORD CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL.

93. YOU'LL HAVE TO GO, JOE.

94. TO BREAK UP.

95. I DON'T MAKE THE RULES.

96. WELL, I'M SORRY, CHILDREN.

97. I'LL NO LONGER BE YOUR PRINCIPAL. I'VE BEEN REASSIGNED.

98. DON'T GO, MR. CLARK. WE NEED YOU!

99. WE LOVE YOU, MR. CLARK!

100. YEAH, JOE, DON'T GO!

101. I MEAN, WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME THAT EXTRA PUSH I NEED?

102. BOY, YOU CHILDREN REALLY ARE STUPID.

103. WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD STICK AROUND.

104. LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GONNA NEED SOMEBODY TO LEAN ON.

105. YEA! ALL RIGHTY THEN.

106. THE JOE CLARK STORY, PART II, ONLY ON FOX.

107. AND HAPPINESS.

108. OF MY DREAMS.

109. AND YOU, TOO, CAN ENJOY INTERRACIAL SPLENDOR...

110. ON THE MITZVAH TRAIN. ♪

111. THE MITZVAH TRAIN,

112. THE CITY'S PREMIERE AFRO-JUDEO VIDEO DATING SERVICE.

113. THOSE CULTURAL GAPS WHILE DOIN' THE WILD THING.

114. YOU'LL FIND YOU HAVE A LOT MORE IN COMMON THAN YOU THOUGHT—

115. SLAVERY, HARD-TO-MANAGE HAIR, SAMMY DAVIS JR.

116. HEY, MAYBE YOUR GRANDFATHER WAS YOUR DATE'S SLUMLORD.

117. MINE WAS. SO WHY NOT GIVE IT A TRY?

118. THAT'S RIGHT. I DIDN'T KNOW A MATZO BALL FROM A BASKETBALL...

119. TILL I MET MITZI.

120. THE ROGER RABBIT DANCE,

121. TO TRY IT OUT AT A KOOL MOE DEE CONCERT.

122. SO MUCH, I'VE HAD MYSELF CIRCUMCISED...

123. TWICE.

124. AND I'M THINKING ABOUT GOING BACK FOR ANOTHER CUT.

125. TO MITZVAH TRAIN.

126. AND REMEMBER, WE'RE NOT ONLY THE OWNERS OF THE MITZVAH TRAIN,

127. BUT WE'RE ALSO CLIENTS.

128. YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE PERFECT.

129. FOR, BY AND ABOUT WOMEN—

130. GO ON, GIRL!

131. I'M YOUR HOST SHAWANDA HARVEY.

132. EVE STANDS ALONE.

133. IN THIS BOOK, I TRY TO ENCOURAGE WOMEN TO BE STRONG,

134. BY THE FETTERS OF A MAN'S WORLD.

135. TODAY, MY GUESTS ARE TWO WOMEN THAT SAY THAT MY BOOK HAS CHANGED THEIR LIVES.

136. LET'S WELCOME, FROM THE NEW CITY DANCE ENSEMBLE, KEYANA.

137. GO ON, GIRL! GO ON, GIRL! ALL RIGHT.

138. ALL RIGHT. AND PROMINENT ARTIST LAVONIA BUFUME.

139. GO ON, GIRL! ALL RIGHT.

140. KEYANA, YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE PERFECT.

141. - YES, I AM! - YES, YOU ARE!

142. CHANGED YOUR LIFE?

143. SHAWANDA, MM-HMM.

144. INTERESTED IN DANCE, MM-HMM.

145. THAT I WAS DWELLING WITH, MM-HMM.

146. HE DIDN'T SUPPORT ME. GO ON, GIRL.

147. GIRL, HE TRIED TO TRIVIALIZE MY WOMANLY CREATIVITY.

148. NO! MM-MM-MM. YES, HE DID.

149. YOUR BOOK SHOWED ME...

150. NEED A MAN TO VALIDATE ME!

151. GO ON, GIRL! ALL RIGHT.

152. I'M GONE!

153. LAVONIA, YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE PERFECT.

154. WHAT ABOUT BEAUTIFUL?

155. OF COURSE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. DON'T YOU HAVE A SIMILAR STORY?

156. OH, I MOST CERTAINLY DO. DO YOU KNOW... MM-HMM.

157. TAKE ART LESSONS, MM-HMM.

158. WAS TOO CHEAP TO PAY FOR THEM?

159. TYPICAL, SISTER. TYPICAL.

160. HE WOULD SAY TO ME, "A WOMAN IS AS SWEET AS HONEY...

161. AS LONG AS SHE DON'T WANT NO MONEY."

162. GIRL, MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER USED TO SAY THE SAME THING TO ME.

163. GIRL, GO ON. THEN, HE TRIED TO MAKE IT UP TO ME...

164. BY BUYING ME THIS CHEAP, FAKE AFRICAN NECKLACE.

165. YOU KNOW, I USED TO HAVE A NECKLACE JUST LIKE THAT.

166. NO! BUT I SHOWED HIM... YEAH, GIRL.

167. THAT HE WASN'T NEARLY AS SIGNIFICANT AS HE THOUGHT HE WAS.

168. GO ON, GIRL. GO ON! THAT'S RIGHT!

169. AND NOW YOU'RE AN UP-AND-COMING ARTIST, THAT'S RIGHT.

170. AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEPEND ON A MAN. THAT'S RIGHT.

171. BUT, GIRL, YOU CAN'T DEPEND ON A MAN. I KNOW YOU CAN'T.

172. MY MAN TOOK ART LESSONS. GO ON.

173. ALL THESE NUDE DRAWINGS. MM-HMM.

174. TALK ABOUT HE DON'T NEED NO NUDE MODEL TO DRAW 'EM. GO ON.

175. A FOOL TO YOU? NOT TO ME.

176. NOT MY SISTER! GIRL!

177. UP AND COMING?

178. I HEARD THAT. I CAN'T TRUST MY UMBATU AS FAR AS I CAN THROW HIM.

179. UMBATU? THAT'S MY MAN'S NAME. UMBATU!

180. OH, SISTERS, SISTERS! NO, NO, NO!

181. I'M SURE THAT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE.

182. COME TO THINK OF IT, YOU EVEN LOOK LIKE THE GIRL IN THE PICTURES.

183. OH, NOW, SISTER, YOU KNOW HOW ART IS. YOU CAN'T EVER TELL.

184. ART NOTHING. I RECOGNIZE HER BIG BUTT ANYWHERE.

185. OH! BIG BUTT, HONEY? AT LEAST I GOT ONE.

186. A MAN'S GOTTA HAVE SOMETHING TO HOLD ON TO. IS THAT SO?

187. SISTERS, REMEMBER, "GO ON, GIRL."

188. YOU BETTER GO ON! GO ON!

189. TO HOLD ON TO, YES.

190. TRY HOLDING ON TO THAT FAKE HAIR OF YOURS.

191. GO ON, GIRL. I MEAN, GO ON, GIRL. OH!

192. OH, SEE NOW, YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR FLAT BEHIND,

193. NO DANCIN', WANNA BE ON SOUL TRAIN OR AFRICA,

194. WHEREVER THEY FOUND YOU.

195. OH, IS THAT SO? THAT'S RIGHT!

196. SISTERS, YOU ARE FIGHTING OVER A MAN. YOU DON'T NEED THAT.

197. REMEMBER, EVE STANDS ALONE. WELL, IT'S TELEVISION.

198. ALL RIGHT. WELL.

199. NOW, ALL TOGETHER, "GO ON, GIRL."

200. GO ON, GIRL.

201. WELL, THAT'S IT TODAY FOR GO ON, GIRL,

202. THE SHOW BY, FOR AND ABOUT WOMEN.

203. DIDN'T YOU LOSE ON STAR SEARCH? THAT'S IT!

204.

205. FIRST OF ALL, WE MUST INTERNALIZE...

206. THE "FLATULATION" OF THE MATTER...

207. THE EFFERVESCENCE OF THE "INDIANISIAN" PROXIMITY...

208. TO FURTHER SEGREGATE...

209. OF MY VENEREAL INFECTION.

210. NOW, IF I MAY RETAIN MY LIQUIDS HERE FOR ONE MOMENT,

211. I'D LIKE TO CONTINUE THE "REDUNDANCE"...

212. OF MY QUOTE, UNQUOTE, "INTESTINAL TRACT," YOU SEE,

213. ON THE ISSUE OF WORLD DOMINATION...

214.

215. EXCUSE ME, CIRCUMCISE THE REVELATION...

216. THE "AFRO-DISIATIC" SYMPTOMS...

217. THE JHERI CURLS ACTIVATION.

218. SEE, SO BY THE— DO NOT MISINTERPRET THE CHAUVINISTIC...

219. GIVE TO THE UNITED NEGRO SCHOLARSHIP FUND.

220. IS A TERRIBLE THING TO DEVELOP WITHOUT HELP.

221. MY COLON ONCE AGAIN.

222. ON THE INCISION...

223. THE FALLOPIAN CAVITIES,

224. SERVES TO BE HOLISTIC,

225. "JALAPEÑO."

226. COMING THIS FALL ON TOO-TOO ETHNIC.

227. MM-MM-MM. WHOO-WHEE! WHAT?

228. UH-HUH. MARY!

229. NU-UH, HONEY. CHILD. WORD.

230. OOH! SHE'S UP. HUSH! GIRL, I'LL PULL YOUR 411.

231. YOU NEED 911 AT 227 24/7, 365, YOU HEAR ME?

232. OH! BE THERE! BE THERE!

233. THIS FALL ON FOX.

234. - HI, MOM. - HI, TIMMY.

235. WHERE'S LASSIE?

236. SHE'S OUTSIDE. I'LL GET HER.

237. LASSIE!

238. OH, LASSIE!

239.

240.

241. MOM, CAN LASSIE AND I GO OUT AND PLAY?

242. I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, TIMMY. THIS JUST ISN'T A SAFE NEIGHBORHOOD.

243. DON'T WORRY, MOM. LASSIE WILL PROTECT ME.

244. AFTER ALL, THERE'S NO BREED OF DOG THAT'S SMARTER, MORE LOYAL...

245. THAN A PIT BULL.

246. INDOORS AND I WON'T HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT, YOUNG MAN.

247. MOM, I THINK SHE'S TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING.

248. WELL— WELL, WHAT IS IT, GIRL? THERE'S DANGER?

249. WHAT DANGER?

250. FROM LAND? FATHERLAND?

251.

252. SOME DANGER IN THE REUNIFICATION OF GERMANY?

253. OH, LASSIE, I UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERNS,

254. TODAY IS MUCH DIFFERENT THAN IT WAS 50 YEARS AGO.

255.

256. LASSIE'S DOG BED WITH U.S. NEWS AND WORLD REPORT.

257. MIGHT BE RIGHT, TIMMY.

258. HEY, SOMEBODY GET THIS DOG OFF ME!

259. HELP! HELP!

260. THERE, GIRL?

261. IT'S AN ARM. SOMEBODY LOST AN ARM.

262. IT'S A GOOD THING YOU FOUND IT, LASSIE.

263. WILL GIVE US A REWARD.

264. I'LL JUST PUT IT OVER HERE WITH THE OTHER ARMS, TIMMY.

265.

266. LISTEN, MOM. I THINK LASSIE'S TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING ELSE.

267. WHAT'S THAT, GIRL? OPEN THE LETTER?

268. WHY—

269. OH, TIMMY, IT'S AN EVICTION NOTICE.

270. THEY'RE TRYING TO THROW US OUT OF OUR HOME FOR HARBORING A DANGEROUS ANIMAL.

271. NOW, WHAT ANIMAL COULD THEY BE REFERRING TO?

272. THAT'S IT, MOM! THAT'S WHAT LASSIE WAS TRYING TO TELL US.

273. NOT "FATHERLAND," "LANDLORD."

274. SEE, WE WERE IN DANGER, AND LASSIE WAS HELPING US.

275. COME HERE, GIRL. LET ME GIVE YOU A BIG HUG.

276. WE OWE YOU A LOT.

277. JEEPERS! WE LOVE YOU, LASSIE. WE LOVE YOU, LASSIE.

278.

279. RICHARD PRYOR IS BACK.

280.

281. OH! AND THIS TIME HE'S MORE SCARED THAN EVER.

282.

283. OOH, NASTY.

284. [ Continues Mumbling, Groaning ]

285.

286.

287. SCARED FOR NO REASON.

288.

289. IT'S REALLY HOT. I SURE WISH I COULD TAKE A DIP.

290. - WELL, WHY DON'T YOU? - WELL, IT'S THAT TIME...

291. AND I'M NOT SURE OF MY PROTECTION.

292. GIRLFRIEND, IT'S TIME YOU SWITCHED TO A MORE ABSORBENT BRAND.

293. HERE. TRY THESE. VORTEX II.

294. I'M USING THEM NOW.

295. HMM.

296.

297.

298.

299. HEY! HEY!

300. VORTEX II. IT'S SUPERABSORBENT.

301. WHERE'D THE WATER GO?

302. ALL RIGHT.

303. THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. WE HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME.

304. CRYSTAL, TELL 'EM WHAT TO DO.

305. TUNE IN NEXT TIME.

306.